


The New Girl

by Guestswithoutbags



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe, American Football, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Cheerleaders, Craig and Kenny Bromance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fem Butters, Fem Tweek, Fluff, Girl Butters, Girl Tweek, Loss of Virginity, Love Triangles, Not Canon Compliant, Recreational Drug Use, Straight Craig, Unrequited Love, slow burner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-04-04 06:11:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 211,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14013906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guestswithoutbags/pseuds/Guestswithoutbags
Summary: Craig Tucker has never met a girl he actually likes before. That is, until Tallulah Tweek, a girl who looks like she stepped straight out of a fairy tale, starts at his school. Unfortunately for Craig, she is a total dork and he is a total jock. He also has a bitch of an ex girlfriend who would rather die than see him happy.This is a really cliché high school romance story. Just to warn you all now. But it brings the lols and there are some shocking moments that will hopefully make you gag.





	1. First times

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is my first attempt at a fan fiction, after reading 100s of South Park fanfics over the years. Weirdly, I have made both Butters and Tweek girls, as I was inspired by some fan art, and just think they would make insanely pretty girls. I absolutely love reading m/m fics but wanted to try something a bit different. Let me know your thoughts... Also apologies for the dreadful writing. Hopefully I will improve.

The first girl Craig Tucker slept with was a random girl from North Park High. He was 15, drunk off his ass from spiked punch, and had no idea what he was doing. He couldn't even remember the girl's name, nor what she looked like. If in ten years' time, a random woman turned up on his doorstep with a 12 year old kid, he wouldn't have been at all surprised. Fuck. Did they even use protection? He was the second of his group to lose his 'v card', next to Kenny, and the rumour quickly spread around school that he was 'experienced'. However, Craig would sooner have forgotten the experience altogether, as all it brought him was nightmares about being a single father of octuplets, or worse, dying of an undiagnosed case of syphilis. It wasn't until Kenny dragged him to the free clinic with him, to get checked, that Craig calmed the fuck down. He was of course clean and only had to endure a ten-minute rant on safe sex from the nurse who had seen his junk. 

The next girl Craig slept with, was a senior in his high school. He was still 15 but this time was sober. She was a cheerleader and stunningly pretty, he was just leaving his awkward pubescent phase and had made it onto the football team. She had been flirting with him at several games, before finally approaching him at an after party. The sex was good (and safe) and he learnt a lot from the encounter. In fact, he kept on learning with the same girl until she graduated and went to college. Craig missed the sex but didn't miss the girl.

The third girl Craig slept with was Holly Lakeman when he was 16. Like the girl before him, Holly was a cheerleader and gorgeous. They had 'dated' for a month before he took her 'v card'. He was gentle with her and she was eager to please him. They lasted for another month before Holly ruined everything by confessing that she loved Craig. Craig ended things with her there and then, spouting the 'it's not you, it's me' speech, not realising that the phrase was quite possibly the worst thing you can say to a girl. But it was true, it was him. He liked girls but had never met one that he had actually fallen for. Not even Wendy Testaburger.

Him and Wendy had gotten together, during one of her many hiatuses from Stan. Wendy was on the rebound, looking for a way to hurt Stan and what better way to do that than with Stan's arch nemesis, Craig Tucker.

Craig had been ever so eager to comply. He hated Marsh. They had had a longstanding rivalry since Craig could remember and were always trying to outdo each other. Stan was supposed to be the star of the football team, after all, he WAS the quarterback. However, Craig had took the title with ease, even though he played defence. He had the most sacks and interceptions in the history of the South Park High and most often won the games for the team, when the offence were not playing to their usual standard which was most of the time.

He had already been promised by the coach that he would be scouted and to expect full scholarships to some of the top colleges in the country if he kept it up. Whilst Stan had been told to keep practicing. It was only fitting then, that Craig took Wendy, the head cheerleader, off of his hands. At least for a while any way. 

They were the 'it' couple of the school and Wendy revelled in being the first and only girl to wear Craig's letterman. The list of hottest boys had not long since been revealed and Craig was obviously in the number one spot. Stan, Wendy delighted, had only placed fourth, behind Kenny and Token.    

It had been, at first, a way to get back at Stan. But the more time she spent with Craig, the more she started to realise that she actually liked him. He wasn't the stoic asshole he had been in middle school. He smiled a lot more, was extremely funny and very charming. She put it down to him growing into his good looks - his personality must have also been a late bloomer.           

They had been dating a while before they slept together. Wendy was aware that Craig was experienced and knew she would have to 'put out' before long. However, her and Stan had only managed to get to third base and the thought of sealing the deal absolutely terrified her. Of course, the only people who knew she still held her 'v card' was her best friend, Bebe and Stan himself, who was not about to admit that, as it would mean that he was also a virgin - which he was. The rest of the cheer team, and student body for that matter, just assumed she was as experienced as Craig. She had held Craig off with plenty of blow jobs and he didn't pressure her into anything more. But the fact was, that she actually really liked Craig, maybe going as far as to say that she was falling in love with him.  So, the thought of losing her virginity to him was not so frightening after all, even if he was bigger than Stan in that region.

When she told him about her lack of sexual experience over McDonald's milkshakes, Craig was very understanding albeit mildly shocked. She had blushed hard, looking down at the table and he had stared at her with an impassive face before reassuring her that she could take as much time as she needed.

They rented a hotel room for Valentine's Day and it was everything Wendy had imagined and more. Craig was gentle, caring and made her feel special. She realised soon after that she was hopelessly in love with Craig Tucker.

Knowing that he had been the one to de-flower Wendy, after Stan had spent the best part of seven years with her, made Craig grin like a cheshire cat. When she would sit on his knee in the cafeteria, stroking his hair and gazing fondly at him whilst wearing his letterman, he would often catch Stan glaring at him, knuckles white, like he milliseconds away from leaping up over the table and punching Craig in the face.  And, well, Craig found that, most amusing. Craig would often let his eyes linger on Stan's before pulling Wendy down into a slow and deep kiss, before releasing her flushed face and turning back to meet Stan's stare. He loved to see the fury in Stan's eyes, loved to see his fists so white with strain, loved to see him giving all he had to keep it together, before he would ultimately leap up from the table and storm out of the room. Yeah, he really fucking enjoyed it. That was, however, until he realised, that Wendy really liked him. Like REALLY fucking liked him. Shit.

Craig knew he was in too deep after taking Wendy's virginity. He was mad at himself for not learning from his previous mistakes. And even madder at the fact that he had done it on the most romantic day of the year. What the fuck was wrong with him, seriously?! Wendy had changed with him after their tryst. She was a lot more affectionate with him and even the way she looked at him changed. Like he was a god or something. He liked her and everything but he thought they were on the same wave length - doing it to get at Marsh. 

No. It wasn't that he didn't like her. She just wasn't exactly his type. In the sense that she was a typical girl. She never knew what she wanted to eat, was always asking him if he thought she was fat which was laughable, as she had the best body in the school, and she spoke about really boring things, like clothes and make up or gossiped about people that he really didn't give a shit about. 

He decided to end it after four months. It would have been sooner but you know, the sex was good, and he knew that once he had dumped her, he wouldn't have sex with someone for a long time. He just couldn't risk someone else falling in love with him. Oh jesus. He was so fucking conceited.

He had waited until the end of the week so that she would have the weekend to get over it before school on Monday. He was thoughtful like that. He did it on a Friday night, after they had won a game, passing up invitations to one of Token's infamous victory parties. He had asked Wendy to go for a drive with him instead which she had happily accepted, thinking nothing of it. 

When they pulled up to Stark's Pond, Craig had been quick to reveal his intentions. He didn't want Wendy getting the wrong idea, after all, this wasn't the first time they had been to this spot for other encounters. When he thought about breaking up with Wendy, he expected that she would be a little bit hurt but thought that she would understand, laugh it off, tell him they could still be friends and they would be at Token's party enjoying themselves in no time. Unfortunately for Craig, that's not what happened at all.

She wasn't expecting it to say the least. She sat in silence for as long as she could hold it together, before the tears started to fall.

"I don't understand." Was all she could offer him. He couldn't understand either. It was just... it wasn't right.

She begged and pleaded with him to reconsider. "Was it the sex?! I'll get better!" Craig had cringed at that. It certainly wasn't the sex but nothing she could say would change his mind. She looked so broken and Craig would swear he saw Wendy's self esteem leave her body altogether. He knew he shouldn't have said what he said next, but like before, Craig was shit at learning from his previous mistakes.

"It's not you, it's me." Wendy took her hands away from her face and stared at him in disbelief. Craig noticed that a subtle look of fury flashed across her face and he knew what she was thinking,  ** _please don't tell me that he's just said what I think he's fucking said_.**   

"Take me home. Please." She sniffed. Craig stared at her, at a loss of what to say, before nodding. As he drove her home, Wendy looked numbly out of the window with silent tears falling down her face. Craig never did make it to Token's party.

He had always known how much he had hurt Holly when he dumped her, but whenever he heard the phrase 'broken hearted', Craig would always think of Wendy. 

 

* * *

Craig walked slowly into Biology and found his usual spot, throwing his bag down on the table and slumping effortlessly into his seat. A few girls swooned at the action, allowing themselves to openly stare at him. His aura of not giving a shit added to the enigma that was Craig Tucker. He knew what he did to his admirers and would sometimes run his fingers slowly through his long, thick black bangs or stretch with fake exhaustion, so that his shirt lifted ever so slightly, revealing the start of his abs, just to throw them a bone. He often had more than one pair of eyes on him in his classes, not that he gave a shit, but whatever, he didn't exactly hate the attention either.

He was good at Science, without trying - he just got it. He was undoubtedly the best in the class, a fact that infuriated Kyle Broflovski and delighted Craig. Not that he was elated at being top of the class, more so that it irritated the shit out of Kyle - one of the smartest kids in the whole school, and that fact pleased Craig immensely. Whilst Kyle would go home every night pouring over his notes and ensuring he read ahead in preparation for the next class, Craig wouldn't empty his bag for at least a month, and when he did so, you could be sure that there would be no notes in it. Instead, the constant A+ grades on his paper, next to Kyle's As were always a painful slap in the face to the red head, who would grit his teeth and glare across the classroom at Craig, who in turn would give him an overly friendly smile. Now, anyone else who saw the exchange, would think that Craig was being nice, however, both Kyle and Craig knew what that smile actually meant, _ **I am better than you and you cannot stand it, but I fucking LIVE for it.**  _He hated Kyle and the feeling was blatantly mutual. He hated him slightly less than he hated the red head's 'Super Best Friend', but still, what an asshole.

The class began as usual, his teacher droning on about the day's topic, Kyle furiously scribbling down notes (seriously who needs to write down every fucking thing), and Craig listening with an impassive look on his face and without so much as a pen in his hand. The class would have passed without incident until the door creaked open about 15 minutes in and a tiny blonde girl peeked into the room.

The teacher stopped mid rant about Genetic Variation and beckoned the girl into the class with a friendly smile.  The girl took tiny steps into the room, her eyes focused on the ground.

Craig eyes widened just a fraction. She wasn't like any girl he'd seen before. She mustn't have been taller than 5 ft 4 and couldn't have weighed more than 100 pounds. She looked fragile, like he could snap her in two just by looking at her. She had light golden wavy hair that fell to her shoulders. Half had been pulled back into a messy plait that surrounded her head at the back and her bangs framed her very delicate and very pale face. She had huge emerald eyes with long black eyelashes, a dusting of freckles over her small nose, and high cheekbones. She bit her full lips anxiously, turning them a deep pink. She looked like an elvish princess. 

Craig noted that her head did not match her outfit. She was wearing skinny black jeans, paired with black and white classic converse, a black t shirt and an open olive green checked shirt, with the arms rolled up to the elbows. She had several bracelets on her wrists, sporting different charms. In short, she dressed like a poster child for Hot Topic.

"You must be Tallulah." The teacher smiled at the blonde girl, who was clutching a folder tight to her chest and looking down. She nodded.

"P-people call me Tweek." she said in a very low voice. 

A few people sniggered, apparently finding the name amusing. Tweek blushed and it was noticeable against her fair skin.

"Okay. Tweek" The teacher smiled a genuine smile, despite the unusual name presented to her. "Go ahead and take a seat."

The girl scanned her eyes around the room, looking for an empty seat, whilst desperately trying not to make eye contact with anyone. She darted to the nearest one, which happened to be right next to fucking Broflovski who smiled widely at her. She delicately placed her folder on the table and Craig took note of her backpack - which was like most of her outfit, black, but sporting the Hogwarts crest on it. " _For fuck's sake"_ Craig groaned to himself. She's a fucking nerd. 

It was difficult for Craig to concentrate on the rest of the class after the intrusion. He didn't know why but he seemed to be absolutely fascinated by the girl who looked slightly less anxious than she did when she entered the room, although she was still biting her lip nervously, as she scribbled notes down in her folder. When she brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, Craig noticed she had several piercings. What he failed to realise was the fact that Tweek had noticed him staring at her, and as he moved his eyes back to her face, blue eyes met green.

Craig kept his face impassive, refusing to look away. Tweek's eyes widened at the sight of him and she blushed hard, snapping her head back to the front of the class and down to her notes.

* * *

"She likes Harry Potter and looks like she just fucking stepped off the set of a Tim Burton movie." Wendy huffed out at the lunch table. Craig couldn't argue with either of those statements, although, if he had to pick a movie set she had stumbled out of, it would have been Lord of the Rings...or Twilight. Vampires are supposed to be like super-human good-looking, aren't they? Shit. No, he didn't mean that. She was okay looking, he guessed.

"I honestly don't know why they made me be her 'buddy'. We have nothing in common and have like, what? Two classes together!?" She was stabbing her salad ferociously, acting like she had just been told she had to donate a kidney instead of showing a new girl around school.

"Where is she now?" Bebe asked. She was slowly placing a fry into Clyde's mouth in a most seductive manner. Craig had gotten used to their daily softcore-porn displays, which would often culminate in Clyde getting so worked up, that he would jump up from the table unannounced, grab Bebe's hand and lead her to a more secluded location. Craig wondered how long he would last today. Bebe was proudly wearing his letterman over her extremely short and tight cheer uniform.

"I don't know. I dumped her on Marjorine." Wendy 's eyes gleamed as she smirked evilly at her best friend. Wendy, who like Bebe, was also sporting the obscene uniform which, of course, had quickly been redesigned from frumpy to fuckable when Wendy was voted student body president. In fact, she had made it her first priority which is probably why she won with a landslide number of votes, given how many horny pubescent boys attended the school. She also had a letterman draped around her, however, instead of 'DONOVAN' on the back, hers, of course, displayed 'MARSH'. There was a brief time when she sported, 'TUCKER' but that was no longer up for discussion.

Bebe pornographically licked the grease and salt that tainted her fingers slowly, gazing into Clyde's eyes before she flitted them to Wendy, returning her smirk. "Well played."

Craig honestly didn't understand how Wendy was as popular as she was. She was a fucking bitch. To the rest of the student body, however, she was sickly sweet, caring, approachable - a woman for the people. Those that knew her, the real her, knew the truth. You didn't mess with Wendy Testaburger.  Craig couldn't help but think that he had some part to play in her behaviour. Since their breakup she had gotten a lot worse. Bitter, even. When they had dated, she was a ray of sunshine, kind, caring and only mildly up herself. But that had since changed. 

"Yep. Majorine and 'Tweek'", she almost couldn't bring herself to say the name, "Soon to be best buds." Wendy said in an overtly condescending way. 

"'Tweek'?! Are you fucking serious? What kind of name is that?!" Stan had his arm draped around Wendy in a possessive manner and was snacking on his own fries. His eyes kept flitting from Bebe and Clyde to Wendy, and his face gave away that he was jealous that his own girlfriend wasn't hand feeding him in the same pornographic way.

"It's her last name." Token looked up from his phone. "You know, Tweek Coffee? They moved in a few doors down from me. She's their daughter." He went back to scrolling through his phone, as if it had pained him to join in the conversation. Although, Token would never pass up on the chance to defend someone. He was incredibly decent like that.

"So, she's rich then?" Wendy asked, "Huh." Craig could see the cogs in Wendy's head turning and couldn't help but feel sorry for Tweek. Wendy, he knew, was already regretting writing her off and it wouldn't be long before she came up with a way to get her into her social circle. The poor girl.

He scanned the cafeteria looking for those green eyes and unfortunately didn't see McCormick approaching until it was too late. Kenny threw himself down in Craig's lap, throwing his arms around his neck and planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek. Craig almost shit himself in panic which amused the rest of the table to see him break his usually stoic expression.

"Afternoon, beautiful!" The blonde boy said cheerily. After the initial shock, Craig grinned up at him, wiping his cheek on his sleeve and wrapping his around his waist. Kenny, like Craig, had no shortage of admirers. The boys had been voted number 2 and 1 respectively on 'The list of hottest boys in school' - a fact that Kenny couldn't help abuse. His close friendship with Craig drove the girls even wilder and displays like this had the effect of several knives and forks crashing to the table, as girls took in the sight. Stan scowled briefly at the display. Kenny was another thing that Craig had taken from him.

"Have you seen Marj?" Kenny asked, picking up several of Craig's fries and smashing them into his mouth.

Bebe shot a glare to Wendy who returned the look with a roll of the eyes. Like Wendy, Bebe had also settled for second best. She had been in love with Kenny since middle school but had been left humiliated when the object of her affections had chosen that freak, Majorine, as his girlfriend. Majorine, who, was so far down the social ladder, she had barely left the ground. So Bebe had got with Clyde. Whatever. As long as she got to wear one of the star's of the football teams letterman, who the fuck cared which one she blew.

At that moment, the doors for the cafeteria opened and in bounced Majorine Stotch, accompanied by Tweek. Majorine had white blonde hair which was styled in pig tales with bright pink bows. She was wearing Kenny's letterman over a pretty, slim fit floral summer dress that came down just above her knees, and stark white sneakers. Marjorine was the epitome of girly. Her bright pink Hello Kitty backpack bounced along with her and she seemed to radiate happiness. She was taller than Tweek but not massively so - they seemed to complement each other. Anyone would be forgiven to think that they had only just met that day. Marj was talking animately to Tweek who in turn was laughing along - a sight that made Craig's stomach do a flip. He noticed Tweek's shirt had a white symbol on it. A circle within a triangle, with a line running down the middle - no doubt something geeky.

 They stopped at Marjorine's usual table of nerds which housed Kevin Stoley, Kyle Broflovski, Jason White, Jimmy Valmer and Millie Larsen. Marj gestured to the group and then to Tweek, obviously introducing her. The group all smiled and waved, with Broflovski shifting over to allow her to sit down, which she did, right next to Kyle. Why that annoyed Craig, he didn't know but he noticed that Kyle gave her the same smile he had given her in biology, and she returned it. Craig didn't like that either.

"Woah! Who's the pixie?!" Kenny was looking in the same direction as Craig and had obviously noticed Tweek.

"That's Tallulah Tweek. You know, of Tweek Coffee." Wendy smiled sweetly. Token rolled his eyes at Craig. The way Wendy had said it, gave the impression that 'Tweek' was the best word she had ever heard.

"Cool... and she's friends with Marj..." Kenny said slowly trying to add the two and two together, "Fuck yeah! Free coffee!" Kenny sprung out of Craig's lap to his feet and without a second glance to his group, sauntered over to the table of nerds. Girls' heads turned to follow him, as he coolly made his way across the crowded room. 

Craig was still staring at Tweek, who had begun to eat her sandwich timidly. Kyle was talking to her and she nodded enthusiastically and smiled, placing a delicate hand over her mouth to reply which Craig thought was kind of cute. Fuck Kyle.

"Seen something you like?" Clyde grinned mischievously at his best friend. A title that Clyde still held, even if Kenny and Craig were closer these days. Craig often had to reassure a drunk and emotional Clyde, that he still liked him the most and he was still his best friend. Although, if Craig had a gun to his head, his response would be Kenny.

"What?" Craig snapped out of his trance and diverted his eyes back to Clyde. He could feel Wendy's eyes burning into him, waiting for a response.

"Dude, you were staring." Clyde chuckled.

"Craig always stares." Token stated without looking up from his phone. That's what Craig liked about Token, he always had his back. Craig smiled at Clyde and went back to eating his fries. Wendy looked towards the group of nerds, her eyes focusing on Tweek who was laughing at something Kenny had just said to her. Wendy wasn't an idiot. She knew a pretty girl when she saw one, even if she was clearly a geek, and Tweek was sickeningly beautiful. Her eyes flitted back to Craig with a look of pure fury.

Craig's eyes met Wendy's and he thought to himself, this is what people meant by 'if looks could kill', because, if they could, Craig would be dead.

 


	2. Off to see the wizard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you worked out that I'm British yet? I'm trying really hard to keep it authentic American but just in case a few pavements instead of sidewalks are thrown in, you know why. Thank you to everyone who left kudos. I'm really enjoying writing this and definitely know where I am going with it. Stay tuned, and all that jazz.

"I'm not sure." 

"Come on, Tweek!" Wendy drew the 'on' out in a sickeningly long and whiney way. "I thought you said you had done gymnastics for, like, 10 years?" She was leaning against the lockers, looking at the hopeless blonde, with puppy dog eyes.

"I did. But I stopped when I was 14." Tweek blushed. She wished she hadn't revealed that she could do a round off back hand spring tuck into the splits, to the head cheerleader. It had been three years since she had been forced to wear an ugly leotard and she wasn't about to get back in one again. Not willingly, anyway. Actually, she probably would have preferred the spandex to the South Park High cheer uniform. It didn't exactly leave anything up to the imagination. Besides, she was only trying to be polite and make conversation - she couldn't stand awkward silences - she was certainly not offering up her services or hinting that she could be any use at all to the cheer squad.

"Yeah, but, like, you still remember how to do things. Come on! We hardly have anyone on the squad that can do that shit. We NEED you." Wendy had resorted to begging and she did not beg. Not since... She shuddered. No, she would not think about that. She placed her hand gently on the blonde's arm, looking into the large green eyes in desperation.

Tweek hated confrontation - she avoided it at all cost. She also hated letting people down and often found herself in frustrating situations, like the time she had agreed to help paint the set for her previous school's production of The Wizard of Oz. "You can do the brick road, right?" a random drama kid had said to her, and she had, of course, said yes, thinking logically that they were probably going to paint some kind of force-perception board, showing the road getting further away until it met with the Emerald City. But no, they wanted a full on brick god damn road, that stretched the full width of the stage and even down the steps and into the aisle, so that the cast could skip past the audience on their way to see the fucking wizard. Sometimes when she closed her eyes, she could still see the yellow bricks. 

"Come on. I mean what the hell kind of person passes on the chance to be a cheerleader?!” (Tweek. Tweek was that kind of person). “You won't even have to try out - just come with me to practice on Thursday." Tweek snapped out of her daydream, she had a horrible tendency of spacing out in the middle of conversations, sometimes she would actually walk away, forgetting she was even having a conversation with another person in the first place. She looked at Wendy and found herself nodding gormlessly at the stunning girl. She was definitely intimidated by her which is probably how she had gotten herself into this situation in the first place. 

When the school administrator had handed her over to Wendy on Monday, she was so nervous that she couldn't speak. However, Wendy had filled the silence for the both of them, in a confident and friendly manner, showing her around the halls and asking her questions that went unanswered. It wasn't until 20 minutes into her tour of the school, as they were walking through the library, that Tweek finally found her voice and had blurted out very randomly and very loudly that she had once won gold at a county gymnastic recital, for her floor routine which she had done to the tune of 'Girls, girls, girls' by Motley Crue- why that was relevant she didn't know. When she was quickly shushed by the very irritated and very old librarian, Tweek had turned crimson and could have happily died right then and there of embarrassment. Wendy had let out a bitchy laugh before quickly composing herself and carefully leading Tweek out of the room. 

Their next exchange was even more painful. As they were walking away from the girls' changing rooms, Wendy had casually asked Tweek if she was looking forward to Halloween, and instead of being a normal person and replying with a normal-person response such as, "yeah" or "sure am", Tweek had, at great length, told Wendy of her plans to go dressed as Lord Voldemort, complete with prosthetic nose. It wasn't that hard to do, she had reassured Wendy. She had practiced three or four times using youtube tutorials and was looking less and less like the elephant man on each attempt. She kept on ranting about said nose and how Ralph Fiennes didn't actually wear one in the films, "It was done with CGI, don't you know? Isn't that fascinating, because when you watch it you really can't tell, can you?" She knew she should have stopped talking the moment she saw Wendy gawking at her at a complete loss of what to say. All that she knew was that the look had fallen on Wendy's face somewhere between the elephant man comment and Ralph Fiennes, most likely the elephant man comment, Tweek thought. So it was no surprise to Tweek at all, when Wendy had flagged down a girl who clearly didn't fit into her social circle and introduced her to Tweek, promptly leaving her as soon as the introduction was made. Tweek had watched Wendy practically sprinting down the hall in an effort to get away from the two blondes. It was then that Tweek had resigned herself to the fact that the head cheerleader, Wendy Testaburger, would probably never speak to her ever again. 

So when Wendy actively sought her out at her locker the very next day, the blonde automatically assumed that it was to tell her that, unfortunately, they had made a mistake and wouldn't be able to accept her at this school after all, as they were pretty sure she was practicing witchcraft which is against school rules. Maybe they would tie her hands and feet together and throw her into the swimming pool, to see if she would float or not. She probably would, knowing her luck, and would be burnt at the stake at Friday's football game, as the half-time entertainment, whilst Wendy swished her pom poms around.

"So.... Thursday?" Wendy was looking at her intently. Shit, she'd done it again.

"Yeah. Thursday. Sounds great. I'll be there. Yep. Because today is Tuesday and you said Thursday...and yeah... Thursday. I'll be there with bells on. Hahahaha." Shut up, shut up, shut up.

"Great." Wendy smiled, trying to pretend not to notice Tweek's manic response. "See you then." And with that Wendy turned on her heel, and marched away in her obscene cheer uniform, and with her perfect hair swishing behind her.

It wasn't until Wendy was out of sight that Tweek began to process what had just happened. It dawned on her what she had just agreed to, and she banged her head against her locker multiple times in despair, getting harder with each bang, until the fourth one which had actually rather hurt. "Ow" she grumbled. She was in the middle of massaging her forehead when she felt a pair of eyes on her. She had a gift for noticing when someone was staring at her, even if she had her back to them. She turned to look for the source of the eyeballing - half expecting it to be Wendy Testaburger, ready to retract her cheerleader offer, after she saw Tweek trying to knock herself out on her locker. However, instead, her eyes were met with the perfect blue ones of that really good looking boy from her Biology class, who was looking at her like she was mental. Which she clearly was. He probably just saw her banging her head on her locker, and without any context to the situation, Tweek would have thought that person mental too. He quirked his eyebrow at her and a brief smirk flitted across his face. Tweek flushed beetroot red and quickly turned and walked away, as that was the only logical thing to do in the situation. She didn't know what to do with her hands and opted to clench her fists by her side. To any onlookers, it would seem like she was storming away from the boy after a passionate fallout, but in reality, she had simply forgotten how to walk altogether. Not that there was an audience or anything. There was just her and the very very good-looking boy that had most definitely wrote her off already for being unhinged. She had walked/stomped about ten steps from the painfully attractive male before she realised that she had left her bag on the floor near her locker. Shit.

Now in any other situation, Tweek would happily have left the bag, wrote it off as a minor casualty to the greater cause and continued living her life. But unfortunately, said bag contained her life in which came in the form of her car keys, phone and money. And even though she knew that she could replace the phone and the money, she couldn't exactly replace the car keys... well not again anyway. Well maybe she could, but then how would she get home? Fuck it, she could walk. How far could it be? Although, she still didn't have any idea how to get around and had relied hopelessly on her car's navigational system to guide her to her recent destinations. Fuck it, she can just use google maps...oh wait... You need a phone for that. She sighed and reluctantly turned around to walk back to her locker. She was just thinking about how stupid she really was, whilst also praying that the beautiful boy had already left the scene, when she clumsily collided with said beauty... face first. She really needed to start looking where she was going. The boy was holding her bag and didn't even flinch when Tweek literally head-butted his chest. She froze. She had her face pressed against him, practically chewing on his t-shirt, and her hands which had automatically flung up at the first sign of contact - a defense mechanism she had developed over years of falling face first over her own feet, were resting on his chest. Her first thoughts were, god he smells as good as he looks, and jesus, he must have been sculpted by god himself, as she let her hands squeeze lightly against the boy’s abs, removing her face from his torso. However, it took her mere nanoseconds to realise the position she was in and she jumped back at an alarmingly quick rate, a bit like a cricket, she thought, although not as high and certainly not as long as a cricket could jump. That would be odd, wouldn’t it? If she had ended up at the other side of the hall... 'stop thinking, you dick', she told herself. 'He already thinks you’re mental'. Tweek kept her eyes glued on the floor. If she could describe the colour of her skin in that moment, it would have been cerise. 

"Sorry. I, um, I wasn't looking where I was going." She said to the floor. No shit, Tweek. No. Shit.

"You forgot your bag." The boy held her black backpack in his hand to her and she scrambled to take it off him.

"Thank you. Um. Thanks. Sorry. Um..." She reluctantly glanced up at the boy, who was staring intently at her with wonder. 'Fuck', Tweek thought. He must be a fucking vampire. No normal person is that good looking. That's how they catch their prey... Oh jesus, she had sniffed him too. He was definitely going to eat her now, with some fava beans and a nice chianti. She could stab him in the leg with her car key as leverage and attempt to make a getaway...albeit without a car because her key would be stuck in the hot vampire's leg, who could probably fly anyway, so stabbing him in the leg would be pointless. It would have to be the heart... that’s what they say isn’t it? A stake through the heart.... would a car key be long enough to penetrate the heart? She wouldn't be able to do it even if she tried. She would have to psyche herself up for it, like in Pulp Ficition with the adrenaline shot. But then the vampire would know what her intentions were, if she loudly counted to three with the car key thrust in her fist...and he probably wouldn’t let her draw a dot on his chest with a magic marker either...not that she had one on her... she did have a sharpie but that was permanent and he might get mad at her for getting it on his skin... even though he would be dead once the key had penetrated the spot with said sharpie dot on...

"Don't mention it." The boy smiled at her and Tweek's stomach nearly fell out of her ass. Fuck he was beautiful.

Tweek gulped. How long had she been staring at him for? She had heard the expression ‘getting lost’ in someone’s eyes but it had never happened to her until now. They were ocean blue, with soft white specs that looked like sunlight reflecting off waves. She was definitely lost in them. She needed to ask for directions or to find the customer relations desk and ask them to call her mom and collect her. Jesus. Why was he staring back at her? Was this all part of his plan to eat her? Did he have the power to hypnotise people with his eyes? She thought yes.

Just at that moment, before too much time had passed for it to begin to get awkward, Kenny appeared out of nowhere and slapped his hand on the boy’s shoulder. The action made them both jump.

“So I see you’ve met Tink.” Kenny winked at Tweek.

The beautiful boy looked at Kenny in confusion.

“He thinks she looks like Tinkerbell.” Marjorine appeared next to Tweek, grinning at the boy before turning to the startled blonde. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, sure.” Tweek returned her smile. She really liked Marjorine already, even if it had barely been two days. There was something so warm and genuine about her. She was one of the very few people that Tweek had ever met that just got her instantly. There were no awkward silences with Marjorine. They had tons in common too which always helped, and Tweek couldn't help hoping that she would take up the position of her best friend soon. 

"What are you crazy kids up to tonight, then?" Kenny raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

Marjorine had filled in Tweek on everything relating to Kenny. It was clear that the pair absolutely adored each other, and it fascinated Tweek to no end how they had even gotten together in the first place - given how far apart their social statuses were. But Marjorine had assured her that it was Kenny who did the chasing, and she couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thought about her. Tweek admired her for that. She had also seen a wicked side to Marj, who had informed her, that she took great delight in seeing how much her relationship with Kenny annoyed the shit out of the popular girls, especially Bebe Stevens, who had been a 'fucking cow' to Marj since she could remember.

"Order pizza, watch some films, fuck shit up." Marjorine said casually.

Kenny grinned, pulling Marjorine by her arm into an embrace. "So I'm not gonna see you tonight?" He whined, pouting his lips at her.

"No. But you have practice, and anyway it's only one night."

"Only one night, huh?"

At that moment, Kenny and Marj began furiously making out. It was like Kenny had been on death row for 40 years and it was his last night on earth before he was sent to the chair. It was urgent, it was loud and it was intense.

Tweek had no idea where to look or what to do with herself. She couldn't help but gawk at the softcore porn display unfolding before her eyes. She wasn't a fan of PDA in the slightest, particularly because she was never on the receiving end of it. It always made her feel fucking awkward whenever people started getting hot and heavy around her, which surprisingly happened more often than she would have liked.

Craig was used to Kenny's ways. Not that it didn't bother him to bare witness to his best friend's overly sloppy and highly embarrassing make out sessions. It's just that, it happened a lot. And like the snow in South Park, you just got used to it. What he wasn't used to, was seeing a newcomer's reaction to it. And not just any newcomer, the increasingly endearing but highly skittish blonde elvish princess from his Biology class.

She looked like a deer in headlights, as she watched her new friend get mauled by his best friend. The situation should have been really fucking awkward. It really should have been, and in any other context it would have been, instead, it was just really fucking funny. 

He was already suppressing a large grin when the tiny blonde finally looked over to him, face flushed from pure embarrassment and said, "Right... yeah... awesome."

That did it. 

They both burst out laughing because it was really fucking funny. They couldn't stop - when Craig tried to, he only had to look back at the blonde and he'd lose it again. He was laughing so hard, he was almost crying.

"What's so funny?" Kenny had finally released Marj from his assault and was grinning at his best friend, clearly wanting in on the joke.

Craig was still giggling, he wiped the tears from his eyes. "Nothing, dude... it doesn't matter." Kenny cocked an eyebrow at him before turning to Tweek.

"So what film you guys watching?"

Tweek was still laughing and was about to answer when Marj blurted out, "Harry Potter." She was recovering from her session with Kenny, ensuring her dress was pulled down and that her hair didn't resemble a bird's nest. "We were hoping to watch them all, but you know, it's not like it's a Saturday night!"

Craig and Kenny exchanged a look and stared blankly at the pair. Tweek could feel herself growing red again. At this rate, her skin would probably stay red and she would have to live her life looking like a shit devil.

"That's what you do on your Saturday nights?" The beautiful boy was holding back a smirk. Shit. She sounded like a fucking hoot. A real party girl.

"No. Sometimes, it's Star Wars." Tweek deadpanned. Why did she have to try and be funny, just stay the fuck quiet.

Kenny burst out laughing and it was a genuine laugh. She could see Marj grinning at her, looking proud that her new friend could hold her own. The beautiful boy smirked widely at her and she offered him only a hint of a smile in return, as she refused to break their eye contact.

"Right...yeah... awesome." 

Her eyes widened and she smirked back at the boy before pushing him in a fake-pissed off way, flipping him the bird and telling him to 'fuck off'. He laughed hard at her and she didn't realise that they were flirting until she caught the knowing look that Marj and Kenny were exchanging, and she suddenly felt very self conscious.

Craig couldn't help himself tease her. It was too easy. He certainly couldn't let her have the final joke in their exchange. She was funny, he'd give her that. And when she had pushed him, his stomach did that weird flip thing it had done when he saw her laughing in the cafeteria. He could see Kenny looking at him and knew that Kenny could see right through him. Like he knew what he was thinking about the blonde girl.

Marj sensed that it was time to go. Tweek had stiffened after her brief flirting episode and Marj couldn't wait to get her alone to discuss the encounter. She had known Craig for a very long time and knew how he was with girls. But she had never seen him act like that before.

"Anywho, as fun as this is, we do actually have plans. Very important, wizard-related plans." She tried to keep the mood light. "See you guys later." 

And with that, she linked Tweek's arm and steered her to the exit.

**********

Kenny waited all of two seconds after the door to the parking lot had closed before he rounded on Craig, eyebrows raised. "So, Tink, eh?"

"Kenneth, I have no idea what you are insinuating but it would be wise of you to stop now." Craig smiled a knowing smile at his friend.

"We could double date though."

"No, Kenny"

"Geeky girls give the best head."

"No, Kenny."

"She probably has a Nintendo Switch."

"No, Kenny."

"She'd give you like all the free coffee you wanted."

"I don't like coffee."

Kenny smirked. "Aha! You didn't say, 'No, Kenny.'"

*****************

Tweek and Marj headed for Tweek's car across the parking lot.

"What's his name, anyway?" Tweek asked her fellow blonde. 

"Who, Craig?"

"Well... if that's his na... that's what I'm asking."

"Oh. It's just funny that you don't know who he is."

"Is he like important or something? Should I know who he is?? Fuck.... is he famous?!" 

Marj laughed. "No. Well, kind of. He's famous in school. He's the star of the football team, and he was officially voted the most attractive boy in the whole school."

"Right." Tweek's heart dropped a little at that statement.He was way out of her league - she knew that when she saw him in Biology. But having it confirmed...officially didn't make it less of a bitter pill to swallow. "So...go on, what's his name?"

"Oh yeah, sorry, his name is Craig Tucker."


	3. Old friends, new friends and pom poms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a slow burner and I have the plot, I'm just struggling getting there with it. I don't want to rush it at all, as I am having fun writing it. Let me know your thoughts :)

 

Tweek had always wanted a 1966 Ford Thunderbird as her first car. The reason was simple. It reminded her of Evelyn. 

She had only ever had one true friend. They had met in kindergarten. Tweek had been hysterical, refusing to let go of her mom's leg - she remembered being absolutely terrified. That was, until a small girl approached her with long black hair and big blue eyes. She smiled broadly at Tweek and Tweek remembered thinking that maybe kindergarten wouldn't be so bad after all.

You would never find one without the other - she didn't have any other friends but that was okay, because she had Evelyn and Evelyn was all she ever needed.

They laughed, cried and screamed at each other. Tweek knew everything about Evelyn and Evelyn knew everything about her. They loved the same things, laughed at the same jokes and hated the same people. It was hard to see where Tweek ended and Evelyn began. They were soulmates.

 

* * *

 

At age 12, they watched Thelma and Louisa for the first time. Evelyn's hand had reached for Tweek's as the final scene played and Tweek squeezed it tightly. They didn't exchange words but they both knew that they were thinking the same thing. They would quite happily die for each other, like Thelma and Louise.

They would quote the film incessantly at each other, complete with a southern twang. 

"Let's just keep goin'!" Tweek shouted, skipping down the sidewalk.

"What do you mean?" Evelyn replied, hands on her hips. 

"Go!" 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah!" Tweek grabbed Evelyn's hand, and they started running as fast as they could, until they couldn't run anymore.

 

* * *

 

"When I learn to drive, I'm going to get that car....that exact car! And we're gonna go on a road trip." The 14 year old blonde said, as her and her best friend watched Thelma and Louise for what felt like the 7000th time.

"Okay, first of all. That car is hella famous and you wouldn't be able to afford it. Secondly, you seem very eager to drive us off a cliff, and I happen to quite like being alive." Evelyn teased.

Tweek hit her with a cushion, "Okay. So driving off a cliff is a no-no but you'd be fine with the casual sex, robbery and murder?"

"Okay, maybe not the robbery or murder but I'm not turning down the casual sex...Especially if it's with Brad Pitt" Evelyn grinned.

"Ew... Gross. He's like fucking 50 now."

"Still would though." Tweek dissolved into hysterical laughter, with Evelyn following soon after.

 

* * *

 

They didn't get to watch Thelma and Louise again. Suddenly everything had changed. Evelyn had gotten sick and wasn't well enough to hang out. 

Tweek would visit her every day. She quit gymnastics just so she could spend more time with Evelyn. At first, it was at her house but as the months went on, the hospital. Towards the end, Evelyn was moved to a hospice.

The final time Tweek visited Evelyn, she just knew it would be the last time she saw her. She was lucky that she got to say goodbye...She would always be grateful for that.

"Tweek?" 

"Yeah?"

Evelyn shifted her head slowly on her pillow to look over at her best friend. The movement took all she had left in her. Although her illness had made her mostly unrecognisable, she still had her big blue eyes - the eyes Tweek first saw when she was 5 years old. 

"Let's just keep on goin'"

Tweek smiled sadly at her. She knew this was the end. "What do you mean?" 

"Go." Evelyn fingers reached out to graze Tweek's.

Tweek swallowed the hard lump that had formed in her throat and clutched Evelyn's hand tightly.

"You sure?" Her voice broke. Silent tears began streaming down her face.

They looked at each other in the eye, saying everything they could possibly say, what they were thinking and what they had always known. Memories they had shared and memories that they would never get to make together.

Evelyn fought hard to smile at her best friend. 

"Yeah." 

Tweek was 15 when her world fell apart. When she first had her heart broken. When she lost Evelyn.

 

* * *

 

"Happy birthday, honey!" Tweek's father released his hands from her eyes and stepped back, eagerly awaiting his daughter's reaction. Tweek opened her eyes and focused on the sight in front of her - A 1966 sky blue Ford Thunderbird.

Her heart stopped and she drew a deep breath, a wash of painful memories flooded her mind.

"Now I know that the one they drove was turquoise, but it's an original and in really good shape!" Tweek's dad beamed.

Tweek said nothing. Her heart had begun to beat again and it was pounding against her rib cage furiously. She tried to blink back the tears that were quickly forming in her eyes.  _I can't. She's not here. This isn't right_. It took her everything she had to muster a small smile on her face but she couldn't hide the pure devastation that surrounded her.

"Thanks, Dad. It's, great." She smiled painfully but couldn't bring herself to meet his eye.

"Do you wanna take it for a spin?" He was still beaming at her.

"Um. That's...that's okay. I think I'm just gonna..." Tweek looked away and tried, as discreetly, as she could to wipe the tears on the sleeve of her sweater.

Richard Tweek looked at his daughter and instantly knew he had fucked up. He thought this would fix things. He thought this would make her happy. He turned to his wife desperately looking for answers but she was staring at her heartbroken daughter, with a look of pure anguish.

As Tweek slowly walked back into the house, past the 'Sweet Sixteen' banners draped across the front doors, she couldn't help overhearing her parents talking about her.

_"I honestly thought it would make her happy. She has wanted that car for years!"_

_"It's not your fault. We misjudged the situation. We made a mistake."_

 " _Yeah. A $20,000 mistake."_

  _"Richard, it's not about the money!"_

  _"I didn't mean it like that!"_

 Tweek walked away before she could hear anymore. Her parents had a habit of arguing about her, although it was usually over her health.

  _"It's like she's not even here anymore, she's like a fucking zombie. What the hell have they put her on?"_

  _"She's depressed and has crippling anxiety. She won't even leave the fucking house, Richard! She NEEDS her meds."_

  _"At what fucking cost?! She doesn't seem alive anymore..."_

 She didn't want to be alive anymore. She had lost her only reason worth living.

 

* * *

 

Tweek waited patiently for the electric gates to open. 

 "Wow." Marj was staring straight ahead, her eyes huge with wonder.

Tweek pulled her cherry red Mini Cooper convertible into the long driveway. She hated how pretentious this house was - it was worse than their last one and that was showing off. Her father had assured her that he got this place for a steal - that's why they had moved, he said. You could get a lot for your money in a town like South Park.

Tweek knew the real reason they had moved. To give her a fresh start. To give her a chance at life again.

She threw the car right outside her front door and beckoned Marj to follow. 

"I feel like I'm on an episode of MTV's Cribs." Marj said, as she stepped into the hallway - her jaw had almost hit the floor at the sight of the twin staircase.

"Do you wanna check my fridge out or something?" Tweek grinned at her blonde friend.

After a brief tour of the house/mansion, which did actually include a raid in the Tweek family's fridge for snacks and sodas, the blonde friends made their way to Tweek's bedroom.

"Okay, so should we order pizza now or later?" Tweek set down the snacks and walked over to retrieve the remote from her bed side table. Marj was taking in the sight of Tweek's room, like a kid visiting Disneyland for the first time.

Tweek actually quite liked her room. She knew how lucky she was. She had a walk-in closet and connecting bathroom - complete with a walk-in shower and a bathtub.

Her walls were covered with posters of her favourite movies, TV shows and bands. She had a large noticeboard above her rather girly dressing table which was adorned with photos of her and Evelyn, as well as some gymnastic medals that she had won in her youth. Taking centre stage of her room was a huge TV, set upon a grand TV stand that housed her beloved games systems including her Super Nintendo, Nintendo Switch, PS2, and PS4. She was strictly a Sony and Nintendo girl, and had literally every console the companies had ever released, although the rest were sitting safely in her closet - in their original boxes of course.  There were two gaming chairs in front of the TV, even though she only ever used one - she figured her parents were hopeful that she may again have a friend to hang out with one day. Next to the TV stand stood a shelving unit which had 100s of DVDs and books in, although most of the books were just different versions of Harry Potter, including the British series ( _why they changed Philosopher's Stone to Sorcerer's Stone - she would never know)_. On the other side of the room was her king sized bed, big enough to fit 4 people comfortably in.

"Holy cow! Your room is amazing!" Tweek looked back at her blonde friend who was gawking at her DVD collection. "Honestly. It's like my dream room." Tweek smiled at her. Her room was a geek's paradise. She knew that. But Marj appreciated it. She was liking Marj more and more every minute.

 

* * *

 

"So do you like him?" Marj was stuffing her third slice of pizza in her mouth.

"Who?" Tweek swallowed a bite.

"Craig."

Tweek flushed. "He...um...well...I ... he's very attractive..." Tweek said feebly. Marj laughed.  "But he saw me head-butting my locker like a mentalist....so....you know... there's that."

"Why were you head-butting your locker?"

"Because Wendy Testaburger asked me to be a cheerleader."

Marj choked on her pizza. "What!?"

"She wants me to go to practice on Thursday. Said I wouldn't have to try out." Tweek took another bite of her honey-mustard drenched slice.

Marj frowned. "And you said yes?"

"Well, not at first... but, I'm shit socially and she wouldn't stop staring at me and, she like, fucking begged me." Tweek rushed the words out in between chews, like she was ashamed.

Marj was quiet. An awkward silence hung in the air.

"Would you still be my friend if I was a cheerleader?" Tweek was worried. She had only just made a friend who she liked. She didn't want to lose Marj over some god damn pom poms.

"Are you kidding me?" Marj looked up to meet Tweek's eyes. "It's not a case of would I be your friend. The question is would YOU be mine?"

"What do you mean?"

"Cheerleaders are like the queen bees of South Park High. I know that sounds cliché as shit and something out of Mean Girls, but it's true." Marj was picking at the cheese on her slice, she looked uncomfortably embarrassed. 

"And it's not like I'm the most popular of people. Don't get me wrong, I adore my group of friends and wouldn't change them for the world. I also don't care what those bitches think of me... it's just..." She fell silent again.

"...What?" 

"It's just... I really like you. Like not...oh Jesus....I'm not a lesbian." Marj paused dramatically. She looked Tweek dead in the eye in a really serious way.  "I'm with Kenny."

Tweek burst out laughing - it was the delivery of the statement, as though Tweek had never met Kenny or hadn't seen them practically fuck in front of her. Marj's face crumpled into a broad grin before she joined her friend in hysterics.

"You know what I mean." Marj playfully shoved Tweek who was holding her sides laughing. "I just think we could be like, you know, really great friends... I’ve never really had a best friend before...” She glanced at Tweek before looking away shyly, “But if you became a cheerleader..." she sighed a deeply, "I don’t think you’d be allowed to hang out with me."

Tweek stopped laughing and looked at Marj. "First of all, I will hang out with whoever I want. Secondly, I really want to be your best friend too. And thirdly." Tweek paused dramatically, before leaning into Marj with a really serious look on her face, "I'm not a lesbian either."

They fell about in hysterical laughter once again. Tweek had missed the feeling.

 

* * *

 

She spent the next two days practically hyperventilating with nerves. Wednesday went past in a blink of an eye and before she knew it, it was Thursday. Aka 'D' Day. She was a wreck. She kept glancing at the clock, willing time to slow the fuck down or stop altogether. Instead, it seemed to speed up, and every time she allowed herself to look, ten minutes had passed, when she could have sworn that it hadn't even been ten fucking seconds. She shuddered. She didn't have long left until to t-minus cheer time. She was so anxious, that she couldn't concentrate at all in any of her classes, especially Biology which had the added bonus of having one Craig Tucker in.

It's not like she wasn't trying, it's just nothing the teacher said registered with her. All she could think about was how she was going to make a huge ass of herself in front of the most popular girls in the school. It was inevitable. Perhaps a little bit of her wanted to make a fool out of herself, that way, she wouldn't have to be a cheerleader and could go back to being the geeky weirdo that she was. She didn't realise that she was tapping her pen furiously on her notepad, until Kyle had reached over and delicately placed his hand on her arm to get her to stop. She almost jumped out of her skin at the contact.

"Sorry." she had mouthed apologetically. He smiled kindly at her.

She had spent the previous night practising her handsprings, aerials, and splits, before her and Marj had sacked it off to do handstands and cartwheels, and make daisy chains, like they were 8 years old all over again.

Tweek had refused to believe that Marj couldn't even do a simple fucking cartwheel and had almost peed herself laughing when she saw her attempt at one, which looked like a painful squat into a frog hop, with some jazz hands thrown in.

She grinned to herself at the memory and tried to focus again.  _Okay, okay... something about reoccurring genes._   _Dominant genes, recessive genes, ginger genes..._ her eyes flickered to Kyle _. Maybe she could just write 'genes' down and google it later... What the fuck.... how has Kyle wrote so much? Maybe she could ask to borrow his notes, they were friends after all._

It really didn't help that Tweek could feel Craig staring at her throughout the entire class which added to her already crippling anxiety. Every time she would look back at him, he would be looking at her with the same impassive face. He didn't even seem embarrassed to be caught in the act. What the fuck was his problem?!  

He hadn't spoken to her at all since Tuesday. Not even at their lockers, which she found out were incredibly close together. She had made a right dick out of herself when she had waved and smiled at him, as he walked towards her in the hallway, only to be met with a slight cock of the head and a look that said, "Please don't acknowledge me." 

She had watched his brown-haired friend laugh himself silly at the exchange and died a little inside when she overheard him refer to her as one of Craig's 'groupies'. She had quickly walked away in the wrong direction, as they stopped at Craig's locker. And she wasn't ashamed to say that she had waited eight full minutes for them to leave, before she walked the way she needed to go.

She was moments away from a full on meltdown when the bell rung so loudly that she accidentally threw the pen she was holding halfway across the room.

She heard Craig snort and turned to glare at him - the prick actually had the cheek to raise his eyebrows and smirk at her which, much to her dismay, made her insides go funny. 

She was trying to glare, she really was, but he had a way of making her forget her own name. Her frown dissolved, as soon as she looked into those blue eyes. She felt her cheeks heat up and suddenly the room began feeling very hot - or was that just her? 

"Are you okay?" She jumped again, her head snapping back to the front to see the source of the noise. Kyle Broflovski was looking down at her with a concerned frown on his face.

"Yeah...um, sorry... I'm just really distracted."  Her head turned again to Craig, who had stopped looking at her and was packing his things away lazily. She noticed he hadn't made any notes either.

"Something on your mind?" Kyle seemed concerned. She swivelled her head back around to him and noticed that he had retrieved the pen she had launched.

"Yeah... it's pretty stupid though." Tweek stood up and began to pack her things away. She took the pen off him and smiled gratefully.  

"Anything I can help with?"

Tweek sighed, "Not unless you know anything about being a cheerleader..." the corners of her mouth turned upwards in a self-pitying smile.

Kyle's eyes widened and he let out a disbelieving laugh, "No fucking way....Seriously!?"

Tweek nodded. They looked at each other like they knew what each other was thinking. Well, she knew what he was thinking. He was ridiculously smart and, like Marj, didn't care what people thought of him. The notion of being popular didn't interest him in the slightest, and Tweek was certain that he held the same distaste for Wendy Testaburger and her army of bimbos, as Marj did. Although, just like Marj, Kyle also had a connection with the popular students, although his came in the form of his 'Super Best Friend' and the school's Quarterback, Stan Marsh.

"Hey, could I borrow your notes? I didn't manage to make any..."

"Yeah, of course!" Kyle smiled eagerly. He whipped his backpack off and handed her several sheets of paper. 

"Lifesaver, thank you." She smiled broadly at him before shoving them carefully in her backpack.

"You're going to have to wear that hideous uniform... you know that, right?"

"Don't." Tweek cringed. She had spent the past two days teetering on the edge of a severe panic attack whenever she thought about the routines. She had yet to let herself think about THAT uniform.

"I'm just saying...although, you'd probably look cute in it." Kyle grinned mischievously at her and she playfully shoved him.

She found Kyle really easy to be around. In fact, all her new friends were. They all seemed to be on the same wavelength - social rejects in the best possible way. She could talk to Kevin about their shared love for sci-fi films, although they had already gotten into several heated arguments over Star Wars vs Star Trek, which Jimmy had to break up on more than one occasion with some terrible space-related puns. Milly, like Jimmy, was constantly cracking jokes; Jason was quiet but shared her love for heavy metal and video games; and Kyle... well Kyle was Kyle.

They had quickly hit it off, after he had asked her what House she was in, when she sat down to eat lunch with them on her first day. ' _Hufflepuff, of course'_  was Tweek's reply. She already had him pegged as a Ravenclaw, after witnessing his note taking in Biology, and she had turned out to be right.  _'That's alright. If it had been Slytherin, you would have had to have found another fucking table to sit at.'_ He had joked and she had laughed. Two 17 year-olds laughing at a Harry Potter joke.  She was lucky that she had at least one of her new friends in each of her classes. Kyle was in several of them. 

"Ha-ha-ha." Tweek said sarcastically and Kyle continued grinning at her. 

She didn't notice Craig walking past at that moment. Nor the look he gave them. But Kyle did.

 

* * *

 

Craig was a jackass, he knew that already. He'd been actively trying to avoid the blonde girl, ever since their interaction on Tuesday. He couldn't explain why, he just knew that he liked her and that was bad news. He always ended up hurting girls, and he knew that this one really didn't deserve to have her heart broken. Not that the others did deserve it, it was just, this girl seemed fragile, like she was broken and had only just managed to piece herself back together, and if Craig could avoid hurting her, he should and would. He knew himself all too well and knew that history had a habit of repeating itself...  _It's not me it's you_... He liked to think that this time would be different, but ultimately, he would most probably get bored after the initial chase and end up breaking her heart. Or worse, she would break his. No, it was best if Tallulah Tweek stayed as far away from him as possible. For both their sake.

So Craig ignored her. He ignored her as he walked towards her, to his locker which happened to be two down from hers. He pretended not to notice her. He pretended not to notice that she was wearing her hair up, in a way that exposed her delicate neck. He pretended not to notice her bright red tartan pants that actually, really suited her and showed off her perfect ass. And he definitely pretended not to notice the slogan on her fitted black t-shirt which emphasised her slim waist and small yet perky boobs. 'This one goes to 11' it read, with a picture of a volume dial on it. Not that he noticed, of course.  No, he didn't notice any of that.

When she had smiled and waved at him, his brain had momentarily short circuited, before he remembered he was with Clyde, and he really didn't want Clyde to know anything about this girl, anything that might give him away. He prided himself in having an unreadable expression but he also knew that Clyde had a way of seeing through him, like Kenny did. Although, Kenny was a lot more acute at doing so. But he still couldn't risk it, so he did the only thing he knew how, and that was to give her a real shitty look in return.

He watched how embarrassment flooded her face and felt horrendous for making her feel like that. It got even worse when, a second later, Clyde had burst out laughing, obviously noticing the interaction. 

"Another one of your groupies, eh?" Clyde had said way too loudly. Craig wished that Clyde had a fucking volume dial - he would crank it down to 1.

"Jesus christ, man. You should start a fucking fan club." Clyde grinned. Craig opened his locker and watched from the corner of his eye, as the blonde girl quickly fled the scene.

"Isn't she the new girl? Fuck, man! She only started on Monday... you have a gift." Clyde winked at his best friend. "At least she's not bad looking... a bit gothy though...and geeky." He looked at his friend sympathetically. "Sorry buddy." He patted Craig's shoulder, as if to say he was sorry that the hot but not girl wasn't socially acceptable for him to consider. Craig rolled his eyes at him in a way that said  _I don't care about this conversation._ What Craig actually meant was,  _Fuck you. You don't even know her._

The next day, Craig still felt bad about the way he had reacted to the delicate blonde. He noticed she seemed extra anxious in their Biology class. She kept glancing at the clock and hadn't wrote anything down in her notebook. She was shaking her leg and tapping her pen over and over again - she looked like she was going to implode at any moment. Craig couldn't help but find everything she did endearing. Even when she looked on the brink of a meltdown, he still thought she looked beautiful. 

He knew he was staring, and he knew that she knew that he was staring but he couldn't stop himself. Even when she had turned to glance at him with a confused expression, he still didn't stop. He wanted a reaction out of her, any reaction that would allow him to interact with her. 

When the bell rang, she had jumped so hard that her pen had flown out of her hand and smacked a kid sitting on the front row in the arm. It was fucking comical. Craig snorted out a laugh and watched as the blonde furiously turned to glare at him. He couldn't help but smirk at her. The kid who got hit by the pen was looking to see who did it, before Broflovski had gone over to apologise on the blonde's behalf. Not that she noticed, as she was still looking at Craig with fury.  


As soon as Craig looked back at her, her expression changed, into a blank one. He noticed she had begun to blush and was about to get up and approach her when Broflovski beat him to it. Asshole.

He watched as the two interacted. They seemed far too fucking friendly for his liking. He didn't like the way Broflovski was looking at her - he knew that look all to well. The redhead had a fucking crush on the petite blonde. It was obvious.

He packed up his stuff and was walking out of the room when he heard Broflosvki tell her that 'she would look cute'. He couldn't help but shoot the pair a hateful look that was laced with jealousy.

So much for staying away from her.

 

* * *

 

Cheer practice, as it turned out, was actually rather fun albeit even with the lack of pom poms. Tweek had been disappointed to learn that they didn't actually use pom poms - they weren't those kind of cheerleaders, apparently. 

Wendy had been sickly nice to Tweek again, introducing her to the entire squad who applauded her for just fucking showing up. 

She sat on the bleachers and watched a few routines before Wendy had turned to her and said, "So, what do you think?"  
  
What she thought was,  _shit. They're serious_.  _Like really fucking serious._  In her head, she had thought it would be a few chants, a few, 'give me an 's', give me an 'o', with some high kicks, and maybe a back flip thrown in for good measure. She had not been expecting the complicated routines, and she realised that Wendy had fucking lied to her. Most of the cheerleaders could whip out the high flying moves, although, she knew that she had a better execution at them.

Instead, she replied with, "Yeah, great, awesome!" Why the fuck had she started saying awesome so much. It was like a nervous tick that she couldn't shake.

Tweek stuck out like a sore thumb, in her black Disney leggings and matching crop top, but she managed to impress the squad with her moves and her ability to pick up the choreography very quickly. A girl who had introduced herself as Nichole was very complimentary of Tweek, and not in the fake way that Wendy seemed to reserve for her.

The actual routines weren't the problem. It was the 'cheering' that Tweek found difficult.  
  
She died inside at the cheer-chants, of which there were many. Wendy had promised to send them all to her via email, so that Tweek could learn and memorise them. Fantastic. She died again when she had to exchange email addresses with Wendy, "Um, yeah, it's DivasChamp2368@live.com."  She hadn't gotten around to changing her email address from her 12 year-old self's - she couldn't be assed with the hassle of updating all her accounts.

"So what are you, like a 6?" Wendy asked her, whilst rifling through a box of uniforms. They had just finished practice and everyone was clearing out of the gymnasium, white trainers squeaked on the polished floor.

"Um...I'm actually a 4" Tweek was actually somewhere between a 2-4 but didn't want to look like she was bragging about her small size.

"Okay, perfect!" Wendy handed grabbed a few items out of the box and handed them to Tweek.

"So, on game days, we usually wear our hair half up, half down, with the green bow." She was talking animately to Tweek, using lots of hand gestures.  Tweek kept following her hands instead of listening to what she was actually saying. She knew she was probably missing some really important information, like something straight out of the cheer bible or something.

"Now, obviously you don't have to wear spankie shorts underneath your skirt, and BELIEVE me, we have a few girls that don't." Wendy nodded over to the girl who Tweek recognised as Bebe Stevens. 

Bebe grinned at Wendy before flipping her off, "Fuck off Testaburger."

"But it is advisable." Wendy turned back to Tweek with a small smile. Span..spankie...spankie shorts?! Fuck Tweek really should have been paying attention. What the fuck were spankie shorts. 

"So, I'm like...we're... we're like, cheering tomorrow...like...in front of people?" Tweek gulped. 

"Of course, sweetie. It's game day." Wendy gave her a fake as fuck smile that insinuated Tweek was an idiot for not knowing about game day, or spankie shorts, or half up/half down hair dos.

 _Regrets, I've had a few,_  Tweek thought to herself, as she forced a smile back to the head cheerleader.

"Of course! Game day - how could I forget?!"  Tweek made a horn gesture with her hands and placed them on her head, as she shouted, "GO COWS!" really loudly in Wendy's face.

Wendy just looked at her that like she had just shit on her poptarts.

Tweek was an idiot.  



	4. Homework, pancakes and smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on Kenny and Marj, Stan and Kyle, and has a hint of Wendy and Tweek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments so far. More characters will be coming into play. I have the story plotted out now but it definitely is going to be a slow burner. It will be worth it! ... I hope! Also, if anyone has watched 'My so-called life', that's the kind of aesthetic I'm going for.

**Marj** **6.03pm:** 2, 4, 6 8! Who do we appreciate?! 

**Tweek 6.04pm:** Kill me now.

**Marj** **6.04pm:**  That bad? >.<

**Tweek 6.04pm:** Did u know it's 'game day' tomorrow?

**Marj** **6.05pm:**  ...LOL

**Tweek 6.05pm:**  send help plz

**Marj** **6.06pm:**  Want me to Showgirls you and push you down the stairs?

**Tweek 6.06pm:** OMG please!

**Marj** **6.07pm:** Done :) 

**Tweek 6.07pm:**  u r the best xxx

"Who are you texting? Who is he?! I'll kill him!" Kenny sprung up from Marj's bed, pretending to be overcome with jealous emotion. 

"It's that sexy Jason, isn't it?! God damn him and his greasy bangs, and his love for Metallica!" Kenny melodramatically threw his arms out with mocking despair. He thrust one hand to his forehead and stared thoughtfully out of the window with furrowed brows. 

Marj let herself grin at her boyfriend before she put on a forced face of anguish, "Is it that obvious?! Darling, I hoped you'd never find out!" She jumped up from the bed and closed the gap between her and the blonde boy, "He means nothing to me!" She pleaded whilst grabbing a fistful of her boyfriend's t-shirt.

Kenny turned back to Marj and gave her a huge toothy grin, "We should be on broadway."

"We couldn't even manage to get a part in our shitty school's production of  _Death of a Salesman,_ babe." Marj smiled up at her boyfriend, removing her clenched fists from his shirt and placing her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm still bitter about that." Kenny wrapped his arms around his girlfriend's back and leant down to kiss her. Her lips were incredibly soft as he took them in his own, starting softly at first, before the insatiable lust took over him and he was hungry for more. He had been dating Marj for two years, and she still made him feel the way she did when they had first got together - excitement, desire, want, need. He loved her.

Marj had to stand on her tiptoes to kiss Kenny. She liked that feeling, it turned her on if she was truthful. She liked that Kenny was a lot taller than her, and bigger than her. She liked being the petite, vulnerable girlfriend that needed protecting by her dominant man, and Kenny would die for Marj, she knew that.

Kenny was a great kisser, not that she had anything to compare to, he had been her first. Her first everything to be completely honest. But she liked that too. Everything had been perfect with Kenny. She didn't have any awkward first encounters, like the ones that she'd read about in Cosmo.

Kenny's tongue made its way into her mouth and she melted in her boyfriend's arms. He knew her weaknesses and she knew where things were about to head. She stifled a moan before gently pulling away. 

"Do you want me to write your English paper, or not?" Her face was flushed from the kiss and her lips were glistening with wetness.

"Or not, please." Kenny lowered his head again and tried to recapture her lips.

Marj leaned back with a shy smile, "You know they won't let you play if you don't keep up with your school work." 

Her hands were pushing against the blonde boy's chest in an effort to keep him away. 

"And you cannot afford one more late assignment." She looked into her boyfriend's baby blue eyes and had to fight with herself not to give in and kiss him again.

At some point during their brief make out session, Kenny's hands had wandered down Marj's slim body and under the fabric of her dress. He was cupping her ass cheeks and gave them a playful squeeze before he released her.

"Fine." He sighed in defeat. "But don't make it too good, like last time. I still haven't forgiven you for the  _To Kill A Mockingbird_  incident."

Marj snorted. The last book report she had written for Kenny had been given an A+, and considering that Kenny was a C- student at best, their overly enthusiastic English teacher, Mrs Allen, thought she had finally made a breakthrough with the blonde boy, and had kept him back a whole 30 minutes after class had ended, so that they could discuss Kenny's new passion for literature.  

He had nearly dropped himself in it when he went on a rant about the methods one could use to kill mockingbirds, but luckily for him, Mrs Allen just thought he was using metaphors to describe how racial tensions are still at a high, even in this day and age. 

He had of course nodded knowingly at her, before he checked his naked wrist for a fake watch and apologised to Mrs Allen, as he was going to be late for the bus he didn't even take. 

"Fine, I'll make it a B." Marj joked, like that would be hard for her to do. It probably would actually. She was very good at English and it would pain her to attempt to write something mediocre.

"A B minus please, dear." Kenny replied in a very posh voice. "Can't make Mrs Allen have another orgasm at my passion for literature."

They sat on her bed and Marj opened up her laptop to get to work. Kenny started playing Tetris on his phone. 

"What's the book about anyway?" Kenny asked, in between lazy swipes of his finger on his phone screen.

Marj didn't bother answering his question, "I will give you ten dollars if you can tell me what the book is called." She had begun typing his essay, which luckily, only had to be 1,000 words long.

Kenny paused and furrowed his brows, "... _Of Mice and Men?"_ He asked hopefully, looking up from his phone screen to her.

Marj stopped typing and turned her head slowly towards him, a smile danced on her lips.

" _Of Mice and Men_?" She said very sarcastically and couldn't help herself smirk at him.

He playfully smiled back which made her stomach flip, "That IS a book though, right?"

"Yes, babe it is. But unfortunately, not the right one, so you don't get the ten dollars."

"Damn. How about a blowjob instead?" Kenny waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"Maybe later. If you're good." She winked at him and received another large toothy grin in return.

 

* * *

 

 

"So how's Tink?" Kenny had sacked off playing Tetris and was lying on his front on Marj's bed, kicking his legs in the air and flipping through an issue of Cosmo, like a teenage girl. 

"Erm... she's doing good." Marj was concentrating on Kenny's book report but allowed herself to stop at the mention of her new friend's name. "You know, aside from the whole cheerleading thing and Craig being a dick to her..."

Kenny tore his eyes away from the article he had spotted and had suddenly become extremely invested in reading,  _How to tell if he's good in bed,_ to look up at his girlfriend.

"Wait, what?" He had registered what she had just said to him.

"Yeah, he blanked her in the hallway, like he was too good to tal..."

"No, no. Not that. I know Craig's an asshole." Kenny waved his hand impatiently. He had already heard about 'Craig's new fan' from Clyde. "What cheerleading thing?"

Marj still had her eyes trained on her screen, "Wendy asked her to be a cheerleader."

"And she said yes?" Kenny asked incredulously. 

Marj turned to look at her boyfriend and gave him a small smile, "Yep." Her lips popped the 'p' for added emphasis. Its not that she was bitter about it. She really wasn't. She wanted to support Tweek, and she would support her, whatever the blonde decided to do. She just didn't trust Wendy, like, at all.

Wendy had practically dumped Tweek on Marj on Monday, like the poor girl was diseased. Marj had noticed the disdainful look Wendy had tried to mask with an overly fake smile. But Marj knew that smile all too well. So it didn't make sense that she had asked her to be a cheerleader. Marj couldn't help but think, Wendy had an ulterior motive.

"She's just had her first practice with them. She's cheering tomorrow."

"Interesting." Kenny let out a brief laugh.

"How so?"

"It just is." Kenny looked like he was trying to piece a puzzle together excitedly. "Does Craig know, yet?"

"How the heck should I know? I don't think he'd care either?" Marj was confused, why the hell was he talking about Craig?

"Hmm." Kenny was still smiling. He went back to reading the article and Marj continued with his book report, satisfied that she wasn't going to get an answer out of her boyfriend.

"Hey babe?"  

"Yeah?" 

"Am I good in bed?"

 

* * *

 

"Hey dude, what's up?" Kyle climbed into the passenger seat of Stan's Ford Fiesta and buckled his seatbelt.

He didn't get to hang out much with Stan anymore, due to Stan's position on the football team, and his own studying commitments. Not to mention, Stan also had the added responsibility of keeping his girlfriend happy...and it took a lot to keep Wendy Testaburger happy.

Sure, Stan had offered Kyle invitations to hang out with him and Wendy, but Kyle had sensibly turned them all down, spouting other 'plans'. The truth was he couldn't stand Wendy and avoided her at all cost. He didn't, however, turn down the chance the hang out alone with Stan. Even though they were world's apart socially and they both had new sets of friends, he still missed the boy who he still referred to as his best friend. 

"Hey dude." Stan smiled. "How's things?"

"Pretty good, actually. How about you?"

"Hmm, well I've got a game tomorrow, I'm sick with nerves, Wendy's being a total fucking bitch, and my dad's had his licence taken off him again." Stan sighed. "So, the same old shit really." He forced himself to smile at the redhead.

"Shit, again?" Not that Kyle was at all surprised. Randy had a bad drinking habit. He would never use the word, 'alcoholic' to Stan but ultimately, that's what Randy was.

He looked at his best friend and felt a pang of guilt. He was dying to tell him about Tweek. He wanted advice, guidance from his friend who had managed to keep an almost ten year relationship alive. You know, apart from all the break ups, of which there had been many. But they always ended up back together and Kyle would be damned if they didn't end up getting married. Stan would know what to do.

"Okay, well pick some overly greasy food to eat and we'll talk about it, man." Kyle knew that Stan liked to talk things through, and he also knew that he only really had Kyle to do that with. His new friends weren't really the emotional types, and Wendy was so consumed with herself, Kyle would be surprised if she even pulled her head out of her ass long enough to notice that Stan was upset.

"As much as I would love to consume some shitty food, I can't." Stan sighed. Kyle knew just how nervous he got before games.

"You gotta eat something, dude." Kyle thought about where they could go, where he could make Stan eat something."Bet you haven't eaten much today?"

"Just a banana." Stan grinned.

"Ew, fucking gross, Stan." Kyle pulled a face and Stan laughed. "Alright, how about Ronny's?" 

Ronny's Diner was an inoffensive establishment, that made terrific pancakes and even better milkshakes. It was usually pretty quiet and apart from the goth kids, they probably wouldn't run into anyone they knew.

"Yeah, okay... sounds good." Stan lied. He really couldn't stomach anything.

 

* * *

 

Just as predicted, the goth kids were chilling in their usual booth, clutching mugs of coffee close to their chests. It always fascinated Kyle how they didn't really speak to each other. They seemed to be content with sharing the sound of silence.

"Dude, you are definitely eating. No arguments." Kyle picked up his menu and was scanning the breakfast items. Another perk of Ronny's - they served breakfast items round the clock. 

"Fine." Stan groaned, picking up his own menu and following Kyle to the breakfast items.

Kyle ordered blueberry pancakes, with a vanilla milkshake, and Stan opted for a simple cheese omelette with a glass of water. Their waitress was a young girl roughly the same age as them and who, may or may not have gone to their school. Kyle definitely recognised her but couldn't be sure if it was due to his frequent visits to Ronny's or passing her in the hallway. 

"So. What's up Wendy's ass?"  

"Eurgh. The usual... I don't pay her enough attention, I don't take our relationship seriously enough, I have no ambition, I don't try hard enough..." Stan sighed, he looked exhausted. Kyle couldn't blame him, he'd probably feel the same, if he had someone constantly putting him down too.

"She's been worse than usual, this week." Stan's eyes flickered to the window and Kyle could see his reflection on the glass. Stan looked sad. "Must be on her period or something." He shrugged.

Kyle wanted to ask him why he stuck with her. Why he put up with her shit. Why he tortured himself. But he bit his tongue. They had had way too many arguments over Wendy fucking Testaburger, and Kyle had never won a single one. Stan seemed to like the treatment. Like he thought he deserved to be miserable. 

Kyle would always feel guilty for actually being happy when Craig had taken Wendy off Stan's hands for a while. Although, he hated to see his best friend hurt, he thought that eventually, Stan would see that it was for the best. 

Just as he thought Stan was getting there. Just when he thought that there was light at the end of the tunnel after all, that fucker, Tucker, had dumped Wendy who, of course, went running straight back to Stan. 

Kyle had laughed in disbelief when Stan had taken her back no questions asked. Despite the fact that the whole school knew that Craig had a bigger dick than Stan, and was allegedly better in bed. All thanks to Wendy, of course.

Kyle desperately wanted a different life for his best friend. He hoped that one day, a nice girl would catch his eye. A girl who appreciated Stan for the fucking nice guy he was. A girl who would make him would dump Wendy once and for all. But alas. No one could manipulate people like Wendy Testaburger, and she had Stan tightly wrapped around her well-manicured little finger.

"That suck's, dude." Kyle couldn't offer him anything other than that. 

Their drinks were brought to their table, and Kyle noticed how the pretty waitress's eyes lingered on Stan. He wasn't about to get his hopes up. Stan never noticed when a girl other than Wendy paid him any attention. Still, Stan smiled at her and Kyle noticed that the girl blushed in return.

"So, you said things have been good with you?" Stan took a sip of his water and tried to look anything but worn out to his best friend.

Kyle took a long drink of his milkshake.  _Fuck it was good_. He nodded, "Yeah... well...there's kinda...um...there's this girl."

Stan's eyes widened and he sat up in his seat.  _Did he hear that right? Kyle...a girl?_  His friend had never seemed interested in girls before. Stan had always known that Kyle was a late bloomer but he had resigned himself to the fact that it would probably be some intellectual Jewish girl in college that finally stole the redhead's heart. 

"A girl?!" Stan repeated - a smile had creeped its way onto his face and try as he might, he couldn't make it go away.

"Yeah." Kyle looked down shyly. He started fiddling with his napkin, unsure on how to proceed with his explanation.

"Dude." Stan said in complete wonder. "Don't leave me hanging..." 

Kyle cut him off, "Nothing...nothing like has happened. But like, I dunno. I think I like her."

"Anyone I kno..." Stan slapped his hand on the table, a look of pure excitement washed over him, "The fucking new girl!?!!"

Kyle smiled, Stan was acting like he had just found out who really shot Kennedy.

At that moment their food arrived. Stan grinned at the waitress which caused her to flush a shade of crimson, although of course, he didn't even notice. He was so consumed with excitement for his best friend, that he had forgotten all about tomorrow's game, and started devouring the cheese omelette before him.

 

* * *

 

"So yeah. She's just... yeah." Kyle finished his long-winded rant about the blonde. He noticed that Stan had finished his omelette whilst his pancakes had barely been touched.

 "Dude, I'm happy for you." Stan was still smiling at him, and Kyle couldn't help but feel fondness for his best friend, who seemed to want nothing more than for Kyle to be happy.

"Thanks. But I kinda need your advice." Kyle took a large bite out of his stack of pancakes, he pulled a face when he realised they had started to get cold.

"Oh dude, seriously, you don't need my advice. Just be you, dude. If she doesn't like you, she's an idiot." Stan really didn't want to offer Kyle any advice. His relationship with Wendy was anything but a garden of fucking roses.

"Yeah but, I thought, that maybe you could get Wendy to put in a good word for me?" Kyle blurted out the question. He was embarrassed that he was resorting to asking Wendy Testaburger for help.

"Wendy doesn't hang with her, though? I mean, if you want me to speak to Kenny and get him to talk to Marj...?" 

"NO!" That was the last thing that Kyle wanted. He liked Kenny but Kenny was best friend's with Craig and told him everything, and Craig fucking hated Kyle. "I just meant at practice."

"Practice for what?" Stan was confused. What the fuck was Kyle talking about. 

"You know... Cheer practice."

"WHAT!?" Stan gasped and took his time connecting the dots, before a large grin spread across his face, "Dude. You're gonna be dating a cheerleader."

Kyle couldn't help but return his grin. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about that. Not that he cared about social statuses or anything, but he'd be fucked if he would turn down a cheerleader. Especially Tweek as a cheerleader.  _Fuck._

The image had been a constant fantasy in his mind since the blonde girl had told him earlier that day, and he was ashamed that he was looking forward to being in the privacy of his own room, so that he could rub one out over it.

 

* * *

 

"Why aren't you wearing your uniform?" Wendy was staring at Tweek with that same sickeningly sweet fake-ass smile that was trying its best to mask the irritation that flooded Wendy's face.

"Um...it's in my bag." Tweek looked confused, "The game's not until tonight?"

"Sweetie." Wendy tried her best not to lose her shit with the hopeless blonde. "It's game day. We wear our uniforms on game day. It's gets the rest of the students psyched for the game, you know?" She delivered the demand in her nicest voice. But it was a demand nonetheless.

_On Wednesday's we wear pink...._ Tweek thought to herself. She had to hide her own irritated look.  _For fuck's sake. She was going to have to wear THAT fucking thing all day. Are you freaking kidding me?_

"I'll go change." She smiled back to the head cheerleader and hoped that it came across as somewhat of an apology. In reality, she had wanted to tell her where she could stick the uniform.

"Great." Wendy returned her smile. They were having a smile-off.

Tweek was the first one to cave. She thought about walking backwards, just so that she could maintain the obviously sarcastic smile she was currently giving Wendy. But instead, she reluctantly turned around and dragged her feet to the girls' locker room.

Wendy watched as the blonde trudged away and couldn't help but feel like Tweek had wanted to punch her in the face. She had seen the briefest flash of anger grace the tiny girl's face, as Wendy had been scolding her. It wouldn't be wise to fuck with Wendy Testaburger. She hoped for Tweek's sake, that the blonde realised that. 

 

 


	5. Game Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this chapter hard to write due to my lack of knowledge about football and cheerleading. Oh well, just go with it!

It turns out the real thing was even better than the fantasy that Kyle had concocted in his head. You could not describe the South Park Cow's cheerleader uniforms as modest. The tiny pleated skirt that barely covered an ass cheek, paired with the equally tiny crop top, left very little to the imagination. Kyle's eyes had almost popped out of his head when Tweek shuffled into English class on Friday morning.  

Most of her skin was exposed, including her svelte legs, delicate arms and tiny waist, which had the most adorable belly button Kyle had ever seen. Her hair was styled half up, half down, and she had the South Park Cow's signature green colored bow placed strategically on her head. 

She looked so innocent and yet so sexy, and  _fuck,_ if she wasn't everything he wanted and more. Kyle was sure that if he was a cartoon character,  his jaw would have fallen open and smacked onto the table, with his tongue lolling out, and his heart thumping comically out of his chest. He tried to hold it together.

"Are you not cold?" He grinned at the blonde. Thank fuck he was already sat down, he was beginning to get semi-hard just from the sight of her. After Stan had dropped him off last night, he had wasted no time in logging on to Pornhub looking for petite blonde girls - one of his go-to searches. He may or may not have also used the search term cheerleader...but that was between him and his four walls.

Tweek looked up at him with a sarcastic smile, before lazily raising her hand and flipping the redhead off.  He laughed.

"Honestly, I will never understand how Wendy convinced the school board that this was appropriate attire for 'cheering'." Kyle shook his head. He was grinning from ear to ear.  In fact, in that moment, he could have kissed Wendy for her uniform choice, and he promised himself in the next student election, he would place a big fat tick next to Wendy's name.

"I may as well be naked." Tweek groaned and slumped into her seat next to him. She folded her arms onto the table and let her head flop onto them.

Kyle's dick twitched at the statement. That was another image altogether, and one that he certainly couldn't let himself think about now.

"Yeah" he sighed,"You'd probably be more covered up that way." 

"Aha-aha-aha" She lifted up her head and gave him a playful shove. He let out a hearty laugh. 

"Fuck me, Tink!" Kenny exclaimed. Tweek jumped, she hadn't seen Kenny or Marj approaching. "Are you not cold?"

Kyle burst out laughing and Tweek punched him in the arm, slightly harder than he expected. She gave him a glare that was laced with a smirk and he put his hands up in surrender, refusing to lose his cheeky grin. 

"You do look banging though." Marj grinned at Tweek.

"Thanks. That's the look I was going for." Tweek paused and rolled her eyes, "Banging." 

 

* * *

 

"Are you going to eat that?!" Clyde was staring hungrily at Stan's uneaten slice of pizza, despite having already eaten his own, plus half of Bebe's.

"No dude, go ahead." Stan offered the plate over without looking up. Craig never understood why Stan got this nervous before a game. He wasn't a terrible quarterback, in fact, when he had a good day, he was actually rather good. Unfortunately, the bad days outweighed the good, and Craig often found himself carrying the team instead. Considering how Stan had been moping around lately, Craig knew that this was probably a 'bad day'.

Clyde snatched the pizza without so much of a thanks and shoved it into his mouth. Grease and cheese slapped against his chin and Craig couldn't help the horrified look on his face, as he watched his friend practically inhaling the food. How the hell he ever managed to get, and keep, a girl like Bebe, he would never know. He turned his attention back on Stan.

"You have to eat something, Marsh." 

Craig rarely acknowledged Stan on a one-to-one basis. Sure they ate at the same table, and sure they hung out at the same parties... and yeah, they might be seen in the same group in the hallway, but him and Stan were far from friends. They had shared the same girl, after all. It was kind of hard to maintain any sort of relationship, let alone a friendship, when the other knew you had been balls deep in his current girlfriend.

Stan looked up at Craig with an irritated expression. An expression that said,  _'Why the hell do you care.'_

Craig returned the glare with an impassive look, before shrugging and taking a bite out of his own slice of pizza.

"You fags ready for tonight?" Eric Cartman approached the table, carrying his heavily loaded tray in his large hands.

"You bet your ass we're ready!" Clyde grinned, "We're gonna fucking destroy them!" He had yet to wipe the grease and marinara sauce from his chin.

"That's what I like to fucking hear." Cartman nodded to Clyde with a grin. Cartman, like Craig, placed defense, and his huge size gave the cows a nice advantage. He was a fantastic tackle.

"What about you HBK? You best bring your fucking a-game." Cartman turned to look at Craig. 

He'd given Craig the nickname, after the 90s wrestling star, Shawn 'The Heartbreak Kid' Michaels, due to the fact that girls practically threw themselves at him. That, and how he also had a tendency to break girls' hearts. Craig didn't think that breaking two girls' hearts was excessive but Cartman had argued that he broke girls' hearts on a daily basis by just existing.

"I always do, babe." Craig winked at the large boy who grinned in return. 

If you had told Craig Tucker five years ago that he would have become friends with Eric Cartman, he would have punched you in the face before flipping you off. But here they were, five years later... Friends. Craig would hate to admit it but he respected Cartman as a player; they worked well together and seemed to have each other's back.  Whether he would go as far to say he respected him as a person is another story altogether.

"Yeah, should be an easy win, if we don't fuck up." Cartman glanced nervously at Stan, who was still staring at the table, completely spaced out. 

What Cartman really meant by that statement was  _it would be an easy win,_  i _f the offense didn't fuck u_ _p_ , and more specifically, their quarterback, Stan. Cartman knew that they had some strong offensive players; Kenny was a talented running back but he was only as good as his QB allowed. His eyes met Craig's and they exchanged a knowing look. They would have to win the game for the team, again.

"Jesus fucking Christ! Who's the blonde?!" Cartman's eyes had shot up and were focused on the cafeteria's door.

Craig's head immediately snapped up and over to the door, almost giving himself whiplash in the process. He knew immediately who Cartman would be talking about. In fact, he was surprised it had taken Cartman this long to notice the new girl.

Tallulah Tweek walked into the room wearing a cheerleader uniform. A. Fucking. Cheerleader. Uniform.

Craig's eyes almost fell out of their sockets.

"That's Tallulah Tweek." Wendy had her eyes trained on Craig. She was smirking evilly at him, like she had anticipated his reaction. "She started on Monday."

"Dibs." Cartman said without hesitation. He was practically drooling, as he stared unashamedly at the blonde.

Stan seemed to snap out of his trance and looked over to the new cheerleader who was approaching Kyle's table.

"She might actually be spoken for, dude." Stan turned back to Cartman with a smile. 

Wendy cocked a curious eyebrow at her boyfriend, before glancing over to where Tweek was stood.

"Yeah, dude, she's one of Craig's 'fans'" Clyde smiled at the fat boy.

"Oh weak, dude, seriously? Craig! You can't have them all, asshole!" Cartman moaned before his mouth comically fell open, "Wait. No fucking way."

Craig turned his head to see what he was looking at. As Tweek approached her table, he saw that Kyle Broflovski was pointing his phone at the blonde. When she realized what he was doing, she ran over to him, grabbed his arms and tried to prize the device out of his hands. The redhead was grinning from ear to ear, as they wrestled playfully, and she...she was actually laughing. 

Craig knew that Kyle could easily overpower her, she was like a fucking wafer. But he looked like he was enjoying every second of her false rage. He was giggling like a schoolboy and Craig could hear her pleading, ' _Kyle! I'm serious!', 'Kyle, delete it!', 'Kyle!'_

Flirting. They were fucking flirting.

"You have to be fucking kidding me. The jew doesn't actually think he has a fucking chance with her, does he?" Cartman looked disbelievingly at the redhead. His feud with Kyle had spanned over a decade and even though they rarely interacted these days, everyone knew he would still rather fucking die than let the jew have one over him.

"I don't know, they seemed pretty cozy in English." Kenny sidled up next to Cartman and glanced at Craig.

"Yeah, well, we'll see who she wants. A ginger jew, or a star foo-"

"TWEEK!" Wendy yelled at the top of her voice over to the blonde which made the whole table jump. Cartman almost dropped his tray at the sudden sound. He somehow just managed to recover and keep his balance. His unopened can of soda, however, had collapsed at the movement.

"Jesus Christ, Wendy." The fat boy said irritably.

Tweek and Kyle had stopped wrestling and she stood at the end of the table. Her head snapped up to look for the source who had shouted her name.

"TWEEK! Over here!" Wendy beckoned the blonde with a delicate flip of her hand and an overly friendly smile. Bebe eyed her best friend curiously.

Tweek blushed hard at the sight of dozens of pairs of eyes on her. Craig watched how she looked hopelessly at her friends for guidance, before slowly walking towards his table. 

"Um, hi." The blonde said shyly. She had her arms folded protectively over her chest and seemed to be looking anywhere else other than the many faces in front of her. Craig thought she looked like a lamb in the middle of a lion's den.

"Sit with us." Wendy flashed her signature Wendy Testaburger smile, the one that Craig had come to recognize as a warning sign for worse things to come.

Tweek raised her eyebrows in surprise and her mouth slightly parted. She clearly wasn't expecting an invitation to join them. Craig wouldn't be surprised if Wendy had called her over to tell her that she wasn't wearing the right socks, or something. He had witnessed her doing similar things to other members of the cheer squad which often reduced them to humiliated tears. 

"Um, that's... that's okay. I'm...um...I'm kinda sitting with..." Tweek stammered.

Craig noticed that Tweek was trying her hardest to not offend Wendy which was quite frankly impossible. It wasn't often that Wendy invited people into her circle. And he'd never known anyone turn down the invitation before.

Wendy's face faltered and an irritated look flashed across her features. However, it was gone before it had even arrived. If you had blinked, you would have missed it.

"Don't be silly - there's space next to Craig!" Wendy put on her nicest voice, "Craig, be a dear and budge up won't you."

There wasn't any fucking space next to Craig. The bench was already painfully full, with five guys crammed on it. Five large football players. She would have to practically sit on his knee.

Craig looked up at the blonde who reluctantly let herself glance over at him. She quickly looked away when their eyes locked. If she wasn't blushing before, she certainly was now.

"There's no room." Craig blurted out. He said it in the monotone voice that he had tried his best to shift over the years. He was fed up with people telling him that he always sounded bored and uninterested, and had tried hard to inject some feeling into his delivery ever since middle school. However, on this occasion, he reverted to his old, stoic ways. It came cross abrupt and rude. Clyde snorted.

"Tink doesn't take up a lot of room, Craig," Kenny said ever so innocently, looking at his best friend with the slightest hint of a smile on his face. Craig glared at him.

"Honestly, it's, um, it's fine. My lunch is back over there anyway..." Tweek looked pleadingly at Wendy. 

"Yeah, that's cool. We just, you know, we just wanted to say 'hi' and like, good luck tonight and, you know, we'll see you later on." Stan Marsh had suddenly sprung to life and offered Tweek a perfect and ever so genuine smile. 

The whole table turned to gawk at the quarterback. ' _What the fuck'_ thought Craig. ' _Where the hell had that come from?_  ' 

Wendy was looking at her boyfriend like she could kill him, even with the fake smile on her face, anyone could see that a rage burned within.

You didn't undermine Wendy, Stan would pay for that later, Craig knew it. She had lost her shit over a lot less, and Stan had just overruled her in front of the whole gang. _Fuck he must have had a deathwish._

"Yeah um cool, yeah. I'll see you later, then." Tweek returned Stan's smile, rushing the words out.

The blonde didn't hang around long enough for Wendy to realize that Stan had given her a get out of jail free card. She spun around so fast that the motion caused her skirt to fly up, and she inadvertently flashed her ass to the whole table, before scuttling back to the safety of her friends and sinking down in her seat.

"Jesus Christ, did you see her ass?!" Cartman was wide-eyed.

Craig had. He had seen it out of the corner of his eye, as the blonde had made a mad dash to get away from them. He knew Kenny was still watching him and he tried hard not to think about said ass or the delicate white panties that covered said ass. He pretended to be suddenly very interested in his cold slice of pizza. 

When he thought that enough time had passed to satisfy Kenny's prying gaze, he looked up at Stan who was whispering fervently in Wendy's ear. She looked furious with him but then Craig watched how her face changed from anger to curiosity, and she let her eyes wander over to Tweek's table, her eyebrows raised. She nodded her head at Stan, and her eyes flickered to Craig's. When she noticed that he was staring at her, she quirked an eyebrow at him and the briefest of smirks flashed across her face, before she turned to Bebe and began whispering in her ear.

 

* * *

 

"Let's go South Park!" Kyle screamed from the bleachers. 

The South Park Cows were leading 15-3, with less than thirty seconds to go before halftime.

Kyle couldn't deny that the Cow's defense had been amazing. Craig had already sacked Richmond Park's QB three times - once within the visiting side's own end zone, and the visitors had yet to make it completely to the other side of the field. Richmond was lucky that their talented kicker had managed to convert a field goal, otherwise, their score would have stood at zero.

There was a roar from the visiting fans, as Richmond's QB gave the ball to one of his running backs, before being taken out by Craig. The running back sprinted away with the ball clutched firmly to his chest, until he was mercilessly tackled by the Cow's Eric Cartman.  The South Park crowd went wild.

As the whistle blew for halftime, Kyle could hardly contain his excitement. His eyes had been constantly flickering between the game and to the bench on which Tweek sat. 

Unlike the other cheerleaders who exuded confidence, Tweek looked terrified and he watched her nearly have a heart attack as the announcement was made. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the field, your halftime entertainment, the award-winning, South Park Cow Cheerleaders!"

The crowd went wild again, especially Kyle, Marj and Jimmy who were loudly screaming Tweek's name, as the blonde took to the field with the rest of the squad.

 

* * *

 

Tweek's heart was in her throat, as the announcement was made. She had been staring blankly at the game but if she had a gun to her head over who was winning or what the score was, she would have said  _'pull the trigger'._

The sound from the speakers snapped her back into focus and she almost fell off the bench in panic. She could hear her heart beating loudly in her ears - her mouth was completely dry and she felt as though she was surely going to pass out at any second. This was it.

She practically had to peel herself off of the bench, as her legs had turned to jelly. How they managed to support her, she had no idea.

She looked at Wendy who was leading the squad onto the field and somehow managed to make herself smile at the crowd, as she shakily took her position at the end of the front row. 

As the music hit, Tweek felt herself stiffen and her body seemed to move on its own accord.

She could hear the crowd roaring, as she surged forward to do a front aerial, followed by a back handspring. As soon as she had nailed it, she felt incredible and smiled broadly, as she ran back to the squad to be hoisted in the air by her teammates. They had decided she would make a perfect 'flyer' due to her small size, and they weren't wrong. As soon as she was elevated, she easily raised her leg and held it straight against her head with one arm, thrusting the other arm out to her right at the beat of the music. She was grinning at the crowd, as she allowed herself to be thrown into the air, before twisting her body and being caught gracefully by her teammates.

She didn't miss a beat. 

The rest of the routine went past in a blur. She danced, flipped and kicked her way through the complex moves, and was thrown through the air too many times to remember. In the final few seconds, she made her way to the side, ready for the finale. At the signal, she ran as fast as she could before executing a perfect double layout, before landing into the splits and thrusting her arms above her head.

The crowd went wild. She felt amazing.

As she jumped up from the floor, she felt someone hug her from behind.

"Sweetie, that was amazing!" Nichole was beaming at her, like a proud mom.

"I can't believe we just did that!" Tweek couldn't stop herself from smiling even if she wanted to and hugged the brunette back.

She scanned the crowd who were still cheering and spotted Marj, Kyle and Jimmy who seemed to be cheering louder than anyone else. She laughed and waved at them.

"Honestly, you were so, so good!" Nichole said to her, as they were walking back across the field to the benches.

"Thank you - so were you!" Tweek didn't have a clue if Nichole had performed well or not, she was so focused on herself and actually making it through the routine, that she didn't actually remember seeing any other cheerleader on the field. Just a sea of white and green uniforms.

"Girls, that was fantastic. I'm so proud of you." Wendy announced, as she made her way through the crowd of excitable cheerleaders.

"Tweek. Well done. You did...good." She forced a smile on her face and Tweek couldn't help but think that she was a bit gutted that the blonde had actually managed to nail the routine.

"Here, here!" Nichole raised her bottle of water, and the rest of the team followed. Tweek flushed in the best possible way before hitting her water bottle against Nichole's and taking a long swig.

 

* * *

 

The South Park Cows won the game comfortably, as Cartman had predicted. 

The halftime talk seemed to kick Stan's ass into gear, and Craig had watched him play with precision and confidence. His passes all connected and he made smart choices. He was actually kind of proud of him, although he would never tell him so.

He, on the other hand, had faltered slightly in the second half. He was distracted and wasn't concentrating as much as he should have been. He blamed his lack of concentration on a certain blonde girl who kept creeping into his thoughts.

When Richmond managed to score their first and only touchdown, he was furious with himself for not calling their quarterback's blatantly obvious decision. It took Cartman snarling, "HBK! Get your fucking head in the game!" To bring him back to reality. 

He didn't let any more mistakes happen after that and managed to finish the game on a high, sacking the quarterback one last time and denying them any more points on the scoreboard. However, he knew he was still gonna get chewed out by the coach for his brief mishap.

As he trudged off the field, helmet in hand, he looked over to the cheerleading bench and watched the blonde that had clouded his judgment, celebrating the Cow's win with her squad. She looked incredible.

"Anyone up for a party?!" Token grinned at his teammates, who all roared loudly in response. Craig tore his eyes away from the bench, and joined in the cheering.

Token's victory parties were a must. In fact, Token's any parties were a must. Regardless of if the Cows won or not, they still ended up getting shitfaced at the rich boy's house. A win just meant that they would be a bit merrier and that Clyde probably wouldn't end up crying. That's a lie. Clyde cried regardless of the situation.

Craig always looked forward to Token's parties. There was unlimited booze, easy girls and plenty of good times to be had with his friends. Even when they lost a game, he still usually ended up crying with laughter with Kenny, over something fucking stupid. Last time, it was daring a freshman to ask Wendy if she wanted to suck his dick, which he did, right in front of Stan, who punched him in the face, knocking the poor kid out. Craig smiled at the memory.

He found himself more excited than usual for this party. The cheer squad was always in attendance and that would mean that a certain blonde elvish princess would also be there... he hoped.

 

* * *

 

Tweek dressed in record-breaking time, throwing her oversized white Michael Jackson 'Bad' t-shirt on, over a pair of black skinny jeans, and shoving her trusty converse on her feet. She threw her equally oversized black zip-up hoody over the top, before making a beeline for the exit. She called out, ' _Bye! See you at practice_ ' to her fellow teammates and was almost at the door when she heard Wendy.

"Wait. You're not coming to the party?" Wendy approached her wearing only a bra and thong - Tweek didn't know where to look. Wendy had quite a chest on her and Tweek's eyes kept gravitating towards the melons before her. She tried her best to maintain eye contact but you know, gravity.

"What party?" 

"Token's party. He always has a party after a game." Wendy's eyes roamed slowly down Tweek with a sour look. Obviously questioning her outfit choice. 

"Oh. I wasn't invited." Tweek said it, as though she really wasn't bothered that she wasn't invited. Because she REALLY wasn't bothered.

"You're a cheerleader, sweetie. Of course, you're invited." Wendy replied, in her sweetest voice.

"Oh... well I kinda have plans, so... um...maybe next time." Tweek returned Wendy's fake smile. She had just about enough of Wendy's fake smiles and fake voice and probably fake boobs,  _Jesus they were huge_.

"What kind of plans?" Wendy smirked as if she didn't believe that Tweek had a social life.

"I'm gonna grab food with Marj, Kyle and Jimmy." Tweek said indignantly.

"How exciting." She wasn't even trying to hide the bitchiness anymore, "Have fun with THAT, then." And with that, Wendy turned and walked away. 

Tweek rolled her eyes, as she walked out of the door and made her way down the tunnel to the exit. As soon as she felt the cold air hit her, a pair of arms were thrown around her neck, as Marj pulled her into a tight embrace. 

"You were fucking amazing!" 

"You were faaa-faaa-faaan-faaantastic!" Jimmy agreed.

Marj released her blonde bestie from the embrace and Tweek turned to Kyle who was smiling at her with fondness.

"I have to say, I'm impressed." The redhead declared. Tweek grinned at him. "...And only a little disappointed that you're not wearing your uniform to dinner. We surely could have got like discount or something."

Tweek narrowed her eyes at him, "It's in my bag if you wanna put it on."

Marj and Jimmy burst out laughing and Kyle bit his lip, trying to suppress a grin. Tweek let out a slight groan, she realized she had left her bag in the locker room in her haste to get away from Wendy.

"Kyle in a cheer uniform? I'd pay good money to see that." Kenny had appeared behind Marj, wrapping his arms around her and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Here he is, Mr Three Touchdowns! I'm so proud of you!" Marj had turned into Kenny's chest and was staring up fondly at her boyfriend. She started planting soft kisses on his jawline, before she kissed him hard on the mouth.

Luckily, Stan emerged from the tunnel giving a much-needed distraction from the extreme PDA.

"Hey dude," Kyle said to his best friend. "You were awesome."

"Thanks, man. Are you coming to Token's?" Stan's eyes flitted from Kyle to Tweek and back again.

"Do I ever come to Token's?" Kyle raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"Fair point." Stan grinned.

"Nah, we're gonna go to Ronny's for some pancakes and milkshakes."

"I would say that I'm jealous but I'm going to Token's for some beer and beer."

Kyle laughed at his friend, as the rest of the football squad and cheerleaders, including Wendy, emerged from the tunnel.

"Um...I'm just gonna go and grab my bag," Tweek said before darting off, down the tunnel. She didn't want another run-in with her head cheerleader.

The locker room was empty, dark and eerily creepy, as Tweek made her way inside searching for her bag. She freaked herself out thinking about a masked murderer running out of the showers with a big-ass slasher-knife, like in so many horror films _._  She was ready to sack the whole thing off and leave the room without her bag when she spotted it on a bench. She hurried over and yanked it up, fleeing the scene at breakneck speed - she couldn't risk getting stabbed by the imaginary killer, who she was convinced, was snapping at her heels.  She flung open the door and flew straight into the side of a football player who had emerged from the boys' locker room.

"Shit, sorry." Tweek felt her cheeks heat up. She really did need to start watching where the fuck she was going. Why did this keep happening to her?! She let herself glance up at the boy and had to stop herself from swearing loudly. It was Craig Tucker. He was staring down at her with a confused look on his perfect face.

"So...Do you ever watch where you're going or -"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you allowed to acknowledge me now that no one's around?" Tweek cut the pretty boy off with an unusual amount of sass to her voice. She had clearly not forgiven him for blanking her in the hallway.

Craig looked at her with raised eyebrows, before a smirk appeared on his face.  _He was so fucking annoying,_  she thought to herself,  _with his fucking nice face and perfect smile_. She really couldn't be bothered with this right now. She gave him her best glare and stalked away from him.

"Are you going to Token's party?" Craig called out to her. She stopped and turned to meet his gaze.

"No." She said in an irritated manner.

"That's a shame."  

"Why?" Tweek questioned him cautiously.  _He sounded mildly disappointed.  Why would he give a shit?_

"It just... is." Craig closed the space between them and Tweek felt her stomach flip. 

"Oh, don't worry. I'm sure you'll have plenty more groupies waiting for you." Tweek smiled sarcastically up at the boy who held his tongue against one of his teeth, trying to suppress a grin.

They stared at each other for a while and Tweek couldn't help but notice how close they were. He was really good looking, annoyingly so. He had clearly just showered, as his long hair which had been pulled into a top knot, was wet. Tweek had a thing for guys with long hair, and although she had never seen him wear it down, she knew it would make him ten times hotter. She watched how his eyes wandered over her, it made her shudder slightly.

"Didn't have you down as a cheerleader." Craig said finally.

"Didn't have you down as an asshole. But here we are." Tweek replied cockily. Craig raised his eyebrows.

"You make a good cheerleader."

Tweek raised her eyebrows in surprise. He had been watching her. She almost said  _'You make a good asshole'_  but stopped herself. Instead, and without managing to mask her surprise, she found herself saying, "You were watching?"

"I was." He said slowly, cocking his head at her. He sounded painfully bored. She blushed.

"You make a good football player." 

"You were watching?" Craig mimicked her surprised tone perfectly.  _God he was such an asshole._

"I was." She returned his impression and mimicked his bored delivery, cocking her head at him. 

He smiled at her and leaned his face down to hers.  _Fuck, was he going to kiss her?_  Tweek felt her heart beat wildly in her chest and prayed that the beautiful boy couldn't hear it....He raised his hand and brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, gently touching her cheek as he did so. His touch felt like electricity and she let a gasp escape her throat. His blue eyes locked with her green ones and she stood frozen, unable to look away.

"All my groupies watch me." He breathed in a low voice before slowly moving his head back and smirking at her. She was breathing heavily and her anticipation quickly turned to fury. She could have killed him.

"CRAIG! What the fuck are you doing, man?! We're ready to go!" Clyde screamed down the tunnel. 

As with any sudden loud sound, Tweek almost jumped out of her skin at the noise. Craig laughed at her involuntary spasm, before walking down the tunnel without so much as a backward glance. Tweek stood rooted to the spot, her face burning - half with embarrassment, half with anger.  _God. He was such an asshole._

* * *

"So what are you all doing for Halloween?"

They were sat in a large booth at Ronny's and had been joined by Millie, Jason and Kevin. The diner was empty bar them and some goth kids that Tweek had clocked when they walked in. Kyle had told her that they were always here. It's like they lived there or something.

Tweek had ordered a vanilla milkshake at Kyle's insistence and had to admit, it was pretty fucking good.

"Um, what I do every year. Stay home, ignore the door, eat the candy that my mom bought for the trick or treaters, and try to get a solid eight hours." Kyle said, as though it was the obvious choice.

"Sounds about right." Kevin agreed.

"As thrilling as that sounds..." Tweek began, "I have a free house-"

"You seem to always have a free house..." Marj interrupted.

Tweek held up a finger to her best friend before continuing, "I have a free house. I also have a credit card..."

"I'm listening." Jimmy piped up. Tweek grinned at him.

"You're not seriously thinking about competing with Token's party?" Kyle asked.

"Nah, fuck that. I'm thinking, we throw our own party, you know, just for us guys but with blackjack and hookers..."

Jason snorted at the reference, whilst the rest of the group looked at her like she had just lost the plot.

"Thank you, Jason." Tweek could always count on Jason getting her TV, movie or game references. "We could buy a shit load of snacks, watch some terrible horror movies, order pizza and play some spooky, spooky games." She sat back and eagerly awaited the group's response.

Millie nodded thoughtfully, "You had me at hookers."

The group laughed and eagerly agreed to the party, what else were they going to do on a Friday night?

"Okay, cool. BUT...." Tweek paused dramatically, "There's a but." Tweek declared.

"We've all got a butt." Jimmy interjected.

Tweek rolled her eyes at him before continuing, "You HAVE to dress up."

Kyle, Kevin, Jimmy, Jason and Millie groaned loudly. Marj clapped her hands excitedly.

"Weak, no." Kyle shook his head. Tweek reached over and grabbed his arm.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssseeeee!!! It's my favorite holiday." She gave him her best puppy dog eyes.

Kyle looked at her, his face softening, "Fine." He agreed irritably, "So like witches and vampires, crap like that?"

"Not exactly." Tweek grinned at him.

"Go on."

She glanced at Marj. She had, of course, already informed her best friend of her plan. Marj grinned back at her and nodded her head.

"Harry Potter." Tweek declared to the group. They stared at her in silence.

"No." Kyle was the first to speak up.

"Yes! There's enough of us to make it look good! Kevin can be Harry, Millie can be Hermione, you can be Ron, Jason can be Snape, Marj can be Luna, I'll be Draco, and Jimmy..." Tweek turned to Jimmy with a puzzled look on her face. "Well Jimmy, take your pick... you can be..."

 "Dumbledore. I wanna be Du-Dumbledore." Jimmy stated confidently.

"Jimmy! You're not seriously agreeing to this?" Kyle exasperated.

"I've always wanted to pl-play Dumbledore...Michael Gambon absolutely massa-massacred the character in the m-m-movies." Jimmy replied.

Tweek nodded at Jimmy solemnly, "That he did."

Kyle sighed, "Look, we're already known as the fucking geeks of the school. What will people say when they see us dressed as the Hogwarts rejects?"

"They'll say, 'God day-um, I wish I was as sexy as those fine-ass wizards," Tweek replied with the straightest face imaginable.

Marj nodded her head in agreement.

"And you're all fine with this?!" Kyle looked around the group desperately.

They shrugged and nodded. Tweek knew that secretly, they all wanted an excuse to dress up. She couldn't wait until the Denver Comic Con, she was gonna have a field day.

"Like I said," Millie stated, "You had me at hookers."

 


	6. Red bottoms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, so I received quite a scathing comment about the FF and how awful it is to make Tweek and Craig into a straight couple. It really isn't my intention to offend and I can't tell you how much I live for M/M FFs, you only have to look at my bookmarks to see that. Like I said at the beginning of Chapter 1, I just wanted to try something different. Sorry if it offends...
> 
> Also as a warning - there is a smut scene in this chapter.

"You were like, so-so good." 

Craig watched as Heidi Turner drunkenly leaned into him, red plastic cup in hand. She had the look of a girl who would say  _Oh-my-god-I'm-not-even-that-drunk_ , her eyes were half glazed and she was over-using her hands to express herself, not caring that she had half a cup of punch in her hand.

"Like, fuck! How are you that good?" She giggled at him, teetering in her huge heels that she clearly couldn't walk in. She stumbled and sloshed some of the pink liquid onto the floor, "Oh fuck."

Craig forced a smile at her. He wasn't drunk enough to get with Heidi Turner. Not that she was bad looking or anything, but, you know, aside from not wanting to get his ass kicked by Cartman, he could definitely do better.

"Where's Cartman?" He shouted slowly over the music, in a way that he knew would both, annoy her and upset her.

"Why!? I don't care about that asshole. I dumped him!" She seemed to grow angrier at every word, "Why is he looking?!" She moved her head way too quickly for her drunk state to cope with, and ended up throwing punch all over Craig's shirt. 

"God fucking damn it," He murmured, pulling his soaking t-shirt away from his skin. He pushed himself off the wall and walked away from the drunken girl who was still scanning the crowd. 

Craig made his way through the packed living room, through the bodies of drunken teenagers, stepping over two juniors fighting on the floor, and into the kitchen, in search of his best friend. Instead, he found Stan Marsh, clutching a beer to his chest and staring at the floor blankly. 

"Hey." 

Stan looked up and frowned slightly at the sight of the boy in front of him, "Hey" he returned reluctantly. 

"You seen, Ken?"  

"No?"  

"Ok." Craig paused. Sometimes, he forgot why he hated Stan Marsh as much as he did. Sure, he had been an absolute dick to him when they were kids, but since high school, Stan had been part of his circle, and still, most days, they pretended the other didn't exist, “You okay?" 

"Why do you care?!" Stan spat. 

Craig shrugged. 

Stan stared at him before looking away, defeatedly, "I would say you don't understand...but you know.." He glanced back knowingly at the raven-haired boy, before taking a swig of his beer. 

Craig nodded, "Wendy?" 

Stan raised his eyebrows, confirming Craig's suggestion. 

Craig was at a loss for what to say. He didn't want to say anything that could land him in shit later on, and as he scanned his brain for things he could say, he kept pulling up dead ends. They had stood in an uncomfortable silence for a whole two minutes, which sounds like nothing but when you're counting the seconds... 

"Do you wanna get high?" Craig blurted out finally. 

Stan looked up at him in shock. He studied Craig as if he was waiting for the boy to flip him off or laugh in his face or both. When he realized that Craig was actually serious, the shock quickly faded off his face. 

"Fuck yeah."

********************

"Where'd you get the weed from, anyway?" Stan exhaled, holding the joint between his two fingers. They were stood in the yard at the front of Token's House. 

"Are you actually asking?" Craig smiled, taking the blunt from Stan and inhaling deeply. He held the smoke in as long as possible before slowly exhaling, "Kenny, of course," he said, passing the joint back over to Stan. 

"Figures." Stan took another long drag of the joint and held it in. He looked as though he needed an excuse just to forget for a while. He exhaled, "Shit, that's hit me like a bag of dicks." 

Craig sniggered, "And you would know what that feels like?" 

"Fuck off, Tucker," Stan let himself smile. 

They stood in silence again, passing the joint between them, but unlike the kitchen, there was no awkwardness surrounding them.

"You played well today." Craig offered after a while. He had been thinking of how to phrase the compliment in his head without it coming across as sounding too gay. 

Stan seemed surprised, "Thanks, um. You too." 

"Nah, I played shit," Craig shook his head, he hated it when people told him he had performed well when he hadn't. 

"Something on your mind?"  

Craig smiled and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Girls," he revealed. Well, actually only one girl in particular but Stan didn't need to know that.  

Stan pulled a sour face, "Don't I fucking know it," he paused and Craig watched him thinking for a while, "Hey can I ask you something?" 

Craig shrugged, the weed had hit him and he had to stop himself from laughing when he thought of screaming in Stan's face, ' _I DON'T KNOW!!!?? CAN, YOU!?'_

"Why did you dump Wendy?" Stan didn't meet his eye when he asked the question, just stared at the handful of cars parked in Token's huge driveway. 

Craig sighed. They had never spoken about his thing with Wendy. It was an unwritten rule between them not to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Craig thought about being honest with Stan, but that would cause unnecessary hurt for the boy, and although that had been Craig's goal in the past, it all seemed pretty pointless now. 

"Does it matter?" 

Stan didn't answer straight away, just kept on staring into the distance, "I guess not."  

Craig was about to offer Stan a better explanation when the front door opened and Kenny joined them. 

"Here you fucking are...oh...hey Stan," Kenny said, looking at Craig curiously.

"Hey, Ken." Stan offered a small smile at the blonde. 

Kenny took the small spliff from Craig's hands and sucked it in deeply. Another awkward silence descended upon them. Kenny was giving his best The Fuck?! Look at Craig, who was trying to hide how weird Kenny found the situation. He noticed Stan glancing at them. 

"Anyway, thanks for the weed, man," Stan said, rubbing his forehead, "I'd better go and see where Wendy is,” he gave Craig a tight-lipped smile. 

"Were you guys having a moment or something?" Kenny grinned at Craig. He had waited for Stan to be safely back inside the house before rounding on his best friend. 

"Fuck, no. He looked like he was having a shit time, I offered him weed. End of story." 

Kenny took another long drag at the tiny spliff, before tossing it on the floor and grinding his trainer on it. 

"Fair play," he exhaled a long trail of smoke, "So, where've you been all night? I saw you with Heidi," Kenny cocked a brow at his friend. 

Craig rolled his eyes, "Nothing happened..."   

Kenny raised his brows, "Cos’, you know, I don't fancy our chances against Cartman...even if we both took him on." 

"No. Seriously. Nothing happened." 

"Huh." Kenny looked surprised. 

"What?" 

"Nothing. It's just, in all the years I've known you, the only time you haven't hooked up with a girl was that time in 10th grade when you got fucked off those 'woo woos'." 

Craig laughed at the memory. He had downed seven glasses of the fruity cocktail within thirty minutes, before completely blacking out. He had missed a hysterical Kenny, dragging him to the bathroom, throwing water over his face, shaking him viciously and rolling him onto his side, so that he didn’t choke on his own vomit. He had also been completely unconscious as his friends debated whether or not to phone an ambulance for him, or just dump him outside the hospital. He finally came around at 5.30am, covered in vomit,  with a view of his best friend slumped in a chair, watching him like his life depended on it. 

"It wasn't funny man, I thought you were gonna die!" Kenny cringed at the memory. 

"Sorry..." 

"So what's your excuse, this time?" Kenny asked. 

"Not in the mood, I guess," Craig shrugged. 

"Bet you'd be in the mood if a certain blonde cheerleader was here," Kenny grinned at him. 

"But she's not," Craig smirked at his friend. He knew that Kenny knew that he liked the girl. There was no point in hiding it. Kenny was too good at seeing through him. 

Kenny raised his eyebrows at his best friend. Craig knew he hadn't expected him to admit to liking Tweek this early, and had probably expected to make a few more sly comments and observations before Craig would crack. 

"Kyle's into her," Kenny said after a while.  

Craig bit his lip, "I know." 

******************** 

Tweek stepped out onto the bustling street and fought her way through the crowd in the direction of one of her parent's coffee stores. She had been coming to Denver, every Saturday for almost two years now to see Dr Caroline Fielding, for a much needed, one-hour therapy session.  

Today's session had flown by. Tweek had talked incessantly about her new friends, her new school, the house, the football game, Wendy, and Halloween. She had debated whether or not to mention Craig to her doctor but found herself with a peculiar urge to do so, so she did.  

"He stares at me, a lot." 

Dr Fielding looked at her curiously, "Why do you think he does that?" 

"I don't know...I kinda like it though... in a weird way. It unnerves me and like, frustrates me but I like it?" 

When the hour was up, Dr Fielding was smiling at her, "I like seeing you happy, Tallulah." 

Tweek smiled at the doctor, she felt happy, happier than she had done in a long time. 

"Although, I don't think we should be getting ahead of ourselves just yet. I still want you to continue taking your medication." 

Tweek nodded. She figured just as much, not that she wanted to come off her medication. She knew she wasn't ready, one step at a time and all that jazz. 

It wasn't until she was in the elevator that she realized that she hadn't mentioned Evelyn. Usually, her best friend was one of the only topics up for discussion, that and her parents, and she had spent countless hours pouring over memories of her happy childhood. She suddenly felt very guilty - it's not that she had stopped thinking about Evelyn, it's just that, it had been a very busy week.  

She pulled out her iPhone and began scrolling through her photos. It didn't take her long to find one of her favorite images of her best friend. It was a black and white photo that her dad had taken of her and Evelyn in a restaurant 4 years ago. They were laughing into each other, completely unaware of the camera in front of them. Evelyn had her hand on Tweek's forearm, looking at her best friend in complete hysterics. Tweek was looking back in the middle of a laugh - mouth wide open, teeth on display, happy. She smiled at the photo and uploaded it to her Instagram account with the caption, 'I miss you more each day </3'. It was stupid, but she wanted her best friend to know that she was still in her thoughts. Not a day went by when she didn't think of Evelyn in some way, shape or form. 

She walked the short distance from Dr Fielding's office to the familiar coffee shop. She had lost count of how many stores her family owned. She just knew that they stretched over five states and were rapidly expanding by the day. It was weird, when she thought about it, being the heir to such a dynasty. She was a spoilt rich little white girl and it didn't suit her. Not that she ever turned down her parent's money, the money they threw at her in exchange for actual parenting. They couldn't handle her emotions and used the lavish gifts, expensive holidays and credit card as a distraction. She didn't mind, the money allowed her to pursue her three passions: music concerts, shoes and cosplaying. Her cosplay collection was the envy of many of her Instagram followers, and she had forged a reputation on the social platform for scarily accurate and expensive recreations of movie and video game characters. 

Her parents didn't really understand the obsession she had with dressing up but it seemed to make her happy, and they would do anything to see her happy. She knew that. Even with the prolonged absences, she knew they loved her. 

She could count on one hand, the number of nights her parents had spent in the new house since the move three week's ago. They were very rarely home and that just suited her fine. Well not completely fine, she still had to have a set of locks fitted on her bedroom door and would run as fast as she could upstairs when she was home alone. Even the security guard at the Dark Meadows estate didn't bring her the comfort that her parents thought it would. 

Her anxiety was still a prominent feature in her life. Although, she had almost got her panic attacks under control. Almost. 

She spotted her mom sitting on one of the comfy sofas to the right of the store. All the Tweek Coffee stores followed the same format: an exposed brick wall, soft grey sofas and chairs, a local artist strumming a guitar and warbling out of the speakers. In the early stages of the Tweek Coffee empire, Richard Tweek had read a book on the success of McDonald's. It was like his bible, and he still referenced the book some 20 years later. 'McDonaldization' he would say to Tweek, 'The recipe for success.'  

In recent years, her father had become obsessed with technology and keeping on top with the youth of today. He had been so proud of Tweek for suggesting installing USB sockets on every table and looked at her like she had just invented time travel. Tweek thought it was obvious - if there was one thing teenagers hated, it was a flat battery. Sales had increased 15% that year and she had been rewarded with a new car. 

She stepped into the store and had to maneuver around the long line that was almost stretching out of the door to get to her mother's sofa. Every table was full, and she smiled to herself seeing just how many people were using 'her' USB ports.  

"Hey mom." 

"Lulu!" Tweek's mom looked up from the MacBook which was perched on her lap and gave her daughter a wide smile, before setting it down so that she could stand and pull Tweek into a suffocatingly tight hug. Her mom and dad referred to her as 'Lulu' and had been doing so since she was a baby. She didn't actually mind the nickname and even went as far as to use it as her Instagram handle. 

"You look lovely," Her mom didn't agree with the way Tweek dressed, although, she never told her so. Her daughter's fondness for Hot Topic instead of Chanel irritated her, and she would still buy her designer labels in an attempt to persuade her to join the dark side, but alas, the blonde always seemed to gravitate to the 'grunge' look.  

Tweek smiled at her mom and took a seat on the opposite side of the sofa, "How's dad?" 

"He's good. Busy with work, as usual. But you know how your father is, he wouldn't have it any other way!"

An employee of the store came over and placed two large take-out cups in front of Tweek and her mother. Tweek looked up at the young boy who must have only been a couple of years older than her, "Thank you," she smiled. A few customers waiting in line looked disgruntled at the service the Tweek's had just received and she couldn't blame them.  _Who the fuck did they think they were? You would have thought they fucking owned the place!_ She laughed at her own joke in her head which she made, every single week without fail. 

In most stores, Tweek went completely unnoticed, the way she liked it. Obviously, they would always find out who she was when she pulled out the matte-black VIP Tweek Coffee card, which had spot UV on the VIP font and the name Tallulah Tweek in gold foil. Only a handful of employees and local celebrities had the privilege of owning a VIP Tweek Coffee card which let you have anything from the menu, completely free of charge, for life. It amused her how often the mediocre service she had been given would suddenly turn into an all-singing, all-dancing affair, as soon as she flashed the card, with employees often rushing to get the door for her.  

Her go-to beverage was a large skinny latte because she was a basic bitch. She had been toying with the idea to go vegan for a while but gagged every time she would opt for 'soya' in her coffee, forgetting how truly awful it was and vowing to never order it again. She had made the same mistake almost 20 times to date, in the hope that the bitter taste would eventually grow on her. So far, it had not. 

Her mother always opted for a herbal tea which Tweek found ironic, considering her father had worked his ass off to build an empire based on coffee beans. However, her mom was the driving force behind the company's 'tea' selection which she had scoured the world to procure and won countless TeaTime Magazine awards for. Tweek would often accompany her mother on her trips to England and Asia in search of the perfect brew, although whether she helped or not was debatable. She detested tea. 

It was a weekly tradition for the mother and daughter to meet up, make small talk and go shopping. Tweek would always ask how her dad was and her mom would always say the same thing. It was comforting in a weird familiar sort of way. 

Their shopping trips went down a similar path: her mom would take her into the most expensive stores and insist on buying her an outfit that Tweek would probably only wear on family occasions, like Thanksgiving or Christmas. In return, Tweek would drag her mom into her favorite haunts: Hot Topic, Levis, and Abercrombie & Fitch, the latter of which her mom didn't actually mind that much, as it smelt lovely, and the prices, although not designer level, were still high enough to be acceptable in Mrs Tweek's eyes. 

"Lulu, it's absolutely freezing in that town, you need a proper jacket," Mrs Tweek said as she held up a trench coat against her daughter. 

Tweek had to admit South Park was fucking cold, and it was only going to get colder. Her hoodies wouldn't protect her for much longer. 

"That's ghastly, mother," Tweek put on her best posh voice and wandered over to the selection of parkas Abercrombie and Fitch stocked. She selected a navy blue parka with a faux-fur hood. Her mother had tried to convince her that Canada Goose was the way to go but since she had seen the vile PETA videos of the coyotes being slaughtered, Tweek had been dead against the brand. She didn't care how fucking warm their coats were meant to be, they could suck the dick she didn't have. 

They stopped for lunch at Tweek's favorite noodle bar. It was one of those that had three stages to them, pick your type of noodles, add a protein and veggies and select a sauce. Tweek loved that they came in a cute little cardboard box and would always try, and fail, to eat them with chopsticks, before giving up and stabbing at them with a fork. Her mother would have rather they ate at some up-and-coming bistro she had read about but she always humored her daughter's choice for the cheap meal instead. 

"Am I okay to have some friends over for Halloween?" Tweek said after swallowing a large mouthful of tofu. She watched her mother's face fall into shock, Tweek knew it was at the word 'friends' and not at the request. 

"Friends?"  

Tweek stifled a laugh.  _'Yes, mother. I do have friends,'_  she thought to herself. She nodded, 'Yeah.' 

Her mother's face fell into a wide smile, "Of course, darling! Do you need me to buy you some alcohol?" 

Of course, her mom offered to buy her alcohol. It baffled Tweek how far, and illegal, her parents would go to try and please her.  

"No, no. It's not going to be THAT kind of party," Tweek smiled, "Plus, you know, I'm like, I'm not supposed to drink alcohol..." Dr Fielding had warned her about the dangers of mixing her meds with alcohol.  

"Of course, darling! Sorry, it's just you're a senior now and, you know, I was once a senior too and believe me, I went to my fair share of parties where they put god knows what in the punch!" Her mom babbled, "Anyway, tell me about your...your 'friends', what are they like?" Her mom had faltered slightly on the word 'friends', like she didn't completely believe her daughter could be sociable. 

Tweek went into great length about her new friends, especially Marj. Her mom listened intently - she laughed in all the right places and watched her daughter with such fondness it made Tweek feel slightly self-conscious. 

"What?" 

"I'm just, oh darling, it's just wonderful to see you happy," her mom beamed at her, "You are happy, aren't you, Lulu?" There was a slight edge to her voice that Tweek recognized as mild panic. 

"Yeah...I am." Tweek thought back to her therapy session and realized that her mom's face had mirrored Dr Fielding's. Was the change in her demeanor really that noticeable? 

After they had stopped for lunch, they continued on to the more expensive stores, stopping on the way in Sephora which they both shared a fondness for, before approaching Neiman Marcus. 

Mrs Tweek knew her daughter's weakness for shoes, and could often tempt her into a designer label, with the promise of a pair of red bottoms in return. Tweek loved Louboutins. Her anti-animal cruelty-oriented ethical side went well and truly out the window when it came to the red-bottomed soles. There was something so gothic and sexual about them, that she couldn't put into words. She owned five pairs and would often wear them around the house, usually accompanied by a latex or PVC creation. 

She had nodded eagerly when her mother had asked her to try on a  Valentino playsuit, with the promise that it would match the pair of black patent Pigalles they had seen earlier.  

Her mother wasn't wrong, she didn't actually mind the playsuit, it was flattering in every possible way and it was black which was totally her color. She twirled in front of the mirror, imagining how it would look with the Pigalles on her feet. She grinned to her mother who smiled as if to say,  _'I told you so'_ , before turning to the sales assistant and demanding, "We'll take it." 

********************

There was something about an open door and the thrill of getting caught that really turned Kenny McCormick on. His girlfriend's parents were very strict with their only daughter, and although they welcomed Marjorine's football star boyfriend into their household with open arms, they still insisted she left her bedroom door open and made sure to check on the pair every twenty minutes. 

Luckily for Kenny, being a horny teenager, twenty minutes may as well have been twenty hours. He didn’t need that long to have his wicked way with his beautiful blonde girlfriend.  

The only thing Kenny found challenging was the fact that they had to be quiet. 

“Fuck, babe,” Kenny sighed quietly. He was leaning against a wall and had his hands threaded through his girlfriend’s hair, eyes trained on the open door. His girlfriend was on her knees, with her mouth wrapped firmly around his hard dick. 

She lazily popped off his length and placed a wet sloppy kiss on the head before looking up at him with big blue eyes, "Shhhhhh," she hushed at him and inadvertently blew on his cock which caused Kenny to gasp. He could hear the downstairs TV and knew Stephen Stotch was within earshot. His dick twitched harder. 

Kenny stifled a moan, as he watched his girlfriend slowly lick up and down his shaft in long drawn out pornographic motions, before planting delicate kisses on the head. She pulled away leaving a fine thread of saliva behind, all the while maintaining eye contact with her boyfriend. She had her hair in pigtails, and her chin was glistening with saliva. She was the sexiest thing Kenny had seen. 

She took as much of his length as she could manage in her mouth again and slowly moved her head up and down his cock, sucking hard through hollow cheeks. Kenny bit his lip as he watched her go to work. It was all he could do to hold back from face fucking her. 

 Marjorine placed her hands on Kenny's upper thighs, as she attempted to deepthroat her boyfriend's huge dick. Kenny couldn't help himself and bucked his hips so that his cock hit the back of her throat, he let out a low moan and Marj immediately took the hint. She stilled and stopped sucking ready to have her face abused. 

"Fuck," he moaned again. He tightened his grip on her hair and started thrusting his hips into her face and pulling her head down onto his cock again and again. He thought about his girlfriend's dad walking in on that exact moment, seeing his little girl get faced fucked and felt his orgasm fast approaching. He never knew he was into voyeurism before he went out with Majorine Stotch. 

Marj was a mess. Her eyes had begun to water from the huge dick that she was all but swallowing whole. She fought hard to keep her gag reflex down -she knew her boyfriend wouldn't last much longer and helped him on his way by moaning softly. She loved sucking Kenny's dick. It turned her on being able to get him off, and Kenny was always pleasantly surprised how wet she became after servicing him. 

"I'm gonna cum," Kenny whispered and with one final thrust of his hips, he stilled in silent ecstasy. She felt the warm liquid hit the back of her throat and held her mouth on his dick until every last drop had leaked out. He was looking down at her through heavy-lidded eyes, as she swallowed hard. 

She pulled off his dick delicately and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand before standing up. 

"Fuck, babe," Kenny pulled up his boxers and pants and collapsed onto the bed. Marj giggled. 

She too liked the thrill of getting caught, even though she knew her parents would go apeshit if they ever caught her in the act. Her parents still thought she was a virgin and had made her promise she would save herself until marriage. She, of course, had said she would and how she wanted to be able to wear white on her wedding day and it actually mean something. 'That's my girl,' her father had said to her. What her father didn't know, was that she had been on birth control for the past two years and her virginity, like the year 1999, was long gone. 

Her parents could be unbelievable dicks to her and grounded her over the slightest of things. Like when she forgot to pick up milk from the store on the way home from school and they thought an acceptable punishment was to ground her for one full week. She wasn't even allowed to have Kenny come and visit her. So she didn't feel guilty about lying to them about how sexually experienced she really was. She also didn't feel guilty about the time she had let Kenny fuck her doggy style on her parent's bed. It was her own passive-aggressive way of getting back at them. 

She walked over to her dressing table and took a baby wipe out of the packet. She looked in the mirror and saw that her mascara had run down her face, and her pink lipstick had spread across her mouth and cheeks. She looked like a god damn whore. She smiled before wiping the evidence away. 

She strolled back over to the bed and sat down next to her boyfriend, pulling one of the books up off the floor and opening it up at a random page. She heard footsteps on the stairs and exchanged a look of, 'that was close' with her boyfriend. 

"Dinner in five, kiddo," Stephen Stotch popped his head around the frame of the door, "You are staying, aren't you Kenneth?" 

"Yes sir, Mr Stotch," Kenny flashed his best smile at his girlfriend's Dad.  

"Excellent," Mr Stotch returned the smile before disappearing downstairs again. 

Kenny and Marj grinned at each other. 

********************

 "So another win for the cows then?" Mr Stotch asked Kenny proudly. 

"Yes sir, we've had a great start to the season," Kenny was on his best behavior at the dinner table. He found it ridiculously easy to charm the Stotches. 

"If you carry on, son, you'll easily reach the playoffs." 

"That's the goal, sir-" Kenny dropped his fork. He felt a foot working its way up his inner leg, he glanced up at his girlfriend, who was innocently eating her dinner. "Woops, sorry," he said, picking his fork back up. 

"It's about this time, that the scouts come watching, right?"  

"Actually, we've had-ahh- we've had a few come see us play a few times... Coach...um coach makes videos of all our ga-games, you know...to send off..." Kenny reached for his glass of water and took a long drink. He was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate. His girlfriend's foot had found its way to his groin and was massaging it gently. 

"I see," Mr Stotch nodded enthusiastically, "So an offer from a college is on the cards?" 

"That's the-ahh-the dream sir." He glanced pleadingly at Marj, who was sucking on her straw looking like butter wouldn't melt. 

Luckily for Kenny, Mr Stotch hadn't noticed his guest becoming increasingly flustered and pressed on with more questions about college. Kenny sat with a full-on hard-on, trying to answer as best as he could. When he couldn't take any more he pretended to scratch his thigh and instead grabbed hold of Marj's foot, shooting her a warning glance. 

Marj stifled a smirk and withdrew her foot. She loved fucking with her boyfriend. 

After dinner, Kenny thanked Mr and Mrs Stotch for a wonderful meal before disappearing upstairs with Marj. 

"You absolute Vixen," he said to her, as soon as they were in the safety of her bedroom. 

She giggled, as he threw her onto the bed, climbing on top of her. He pinned her wrists above her head and looked down at her, "Do you know what you do to me?" 

Marj pretended to think hard, she bit her lip and looked innocently back at her boyfriend, before smirking and nodding. 

Kenny laughed, "You're lucky, I love you, you know that?" He leant down and placed a kiss on her lips. 

She grinned into his mouth, "I know." 

Not wanting to get caught in a compromising position by the man who had just fed him, Kenny sat back up on the bed, "What are you doing for Halloween?" He was toying with an idea he had involving him and his girlfriend's best friends. 

"Going to Tweek's. She's having a party," Marj sat up on the bed, adjusting her messed up hair, "We're gonna watch some spooky movies, eat some spooky snacks and play some spooky games. Oh and we're dressing up as characters for Harry Potter!" 

Kenny smiled at his girlfriend. Only Marj could come out with a wholesome sentence like that, right after sucking his dick like her life depended on it. 

"Right," he nodded at her, "That sounds...er...spooky." 

She grinned, "Are you going to Token's?" 

"Mm-hmm," Kenny nodded, still thinking. 

"What are you and Craig dressing up as, this year?" 

"We haven't decided. Speaking of Craig, actually," Kenny began. Marj quirked her eyebrow at him. "Do you think... how does...if he were to..."

"Spit it out, Kenny." 

Kenny grinned, "That's what he said."  

Marj rolled her eyes at him, "What about Craig?" 

Kenny paused, he didn't like spilling his best friend's secrets, even to his girlfriend, "I have a theory...that he may like..." 

"Tweek?" 

"Yea-wait, how did you guess?" 

"They keep having run-ins and there's obviously sexual tension there," Marj stated matter of factly. 

"There is, isn't there!" Kenny exclaimed. He was happy that Marj had seen it too. 

"Duh." 

"But what about Kyle?" Kenny questioned Marj. She was good friends with both Tweek and Kyle and he assumed that they may have confided in her. 

"What about Kyle?" She asked.

He looked at her curiously, trying to work out if she was hiding something, "Nothing. No, it's just, I thought..." 

"Look, Tweek's actually a really great girl. No offense but Craig...well he hasn't got the best track record with girls, has he?" Marj said. 

"You haven't told her, have you?" 

"No, but I am going to."  

"Why would you do that?" Kenny was annoyed by her statement, "Everyone has a past." 

"Yeah but... if his plans are to fuck and chuck her like the rest, I think she has a right to know." 

"But you don't know if that is his plan!" 

Marj raised her eyebrows at him, "So what are his plans, exactly?" 

Kenny stared dumbfounded at his girlfriend. He didn't actually know what his best friend's intentions were and he wasn't one hundred percent sure if he could disagree with Marj's premonitions, "I don't know actually." 

Marj snorted, "You know, I'd like to think Tweek would be different too, but you know, he is a fuckboy." 

Kenny looked hurt, "He's my best friend." 

"And also a fuckboy." 

******************** 

Tweek had found a new way to ignore Craig Tucker or at least pretend to ignore Craig Tucker. She wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine and blank the boy who clearly thought he was God's gift to women. She had thought about the idea on Saturday night, after her isolated modeling session and narcissistic photoshoot. 

She would just pretend the beautiful boy didn't exist. She wouldn't acknowledge him when he stared at her in Biology, or at their lockers, or whenever she walked into the lunch room. She would pretend she couldn't see him or if it was unavoidable, she would look right through him. She wanted him to feel like how the majority of teenagers felt. How she felt when he had blanked her. Invisible. 

She was confident with her plan, as she headed towards her locker with her Bose headphones on, blasting out Violet Chachki's 'Bettie'. The headphones, she thought, were another way of ignoring the football 'star'. Headphones, after all, are the universal sign for,  _'don't fucking speak to me',_  and she hoped that he would get that. 

Her heart fluttered a little bit with trepidation as she saw that Craig was already stationed at his own locker, casually tossing books inside. However, she committed to her plan and pretended that she hadn't noticed his perfect hair in his signature top knot, his tight black jeans or his immaculate white t-shirt that delicately hugged his muscles. 

 _'Bettie needs a spank',_ she let the music flood her mind, as she concentrated on entering her combination. She was certain he had noticed her, as from the corner of her eyes she felt the usual penetrating stare. 

 _'Daddy needs a wank. Bettie needs a spank.'_ She had to stop herself from smiling at the lyrics, imagining Craig's face if he could hear what she was listening to. But that was the beauty of her headphones, they drowned out every noise and gave nothing away. 

She grabbed the books she needed for her first two periods and without a second glance to the boy who was still staring at her, flounced away with confidence and an air of 'I don't give a shit.' 

It felt good.

******************** 

"So about this Harry Potter thing," Kyle began. They were stood at his locker, Tweek was casually leaning against the metal watching the students go by. 

"This Harry Potter shindig," Tweek corrected. 

"Seriously?" Kyle rolled his eyes, "Fine, this Harry Potter...no I'm not saying it." 

Tweek laughed.

"Anyway, I, like I... do I have to dress up? I don't have a robe..." 

"Don't worry, I have spares," Tweek grinned at the redhead. 

"Why do I have to be Ron?" Kyle demanded. He was clutching at straws trying to find an excuse not to dress up. 

Tweek glanced up at his hair and chewed on her lip, trying to hold back her smile. 

"Oh, fuck you," Kyle smiled at the blonde, who let her repressed grin escape across her face. 

"You can always be Voldemort? I could do your makeup, I've nearly perfected the nose!" She said excitedly.

Kyle raised an eyebrow at her, "No-no. Ron's fine," he said through gritted teeth. 

"Great," she grinned widely at him. He would never get tired of seeing her smile. "I'll see you at lunch then." 

"You will." 

"Bye, Ron!" She called to him as she floated down the hallway, he responded with his middle finger. 

"Broflovski." 

Kyle quickly dropped his hand that was still flipping a very far-away Tweek, off. He turned expecting to see a figure of authority about to scold him for his vulgar gesture. Instead, he found one of the goth kids, Pete Thelman, leaning in the same spot that Tweek had occupied moments before. 

"Hey," he said to the goth. 

Pete flicked his bangs out of his eyes, "So... what's the deal with emo-barbie?" 

"What?" 

"The blonde...What's her deal?" 

“In what way?” 

Pete let out an exaggerated sigh, “Jesus Christ, Broflovski. You know, is she single? Does she like dudes or chicks, or none of the fucking above,” he said irritably. 

Kyle’s eyes widened, “Oh! Um, I don’t know?” 

Pete sighed again and flicked his bangs out of his eyes as if it pained him. 

“Well, it’s not something you fucking ask!” Kyle was raging, who the fuck did this goth kid think he was?  

“As usual, Broflovski, you have been zero fucking help,” Pete pushed off the locker and slowly strode away from the redhead. 

Kyle was furious.

******************** 

"So what are we going as for Halloween?" Kenny took a swig from Craig's soda, "It's gonna be hard to top last year's attempt." 

Craig and Kenny had won the coveted title of 'best-dressed' at Token's last three Halloween parties. The first year they had gone dressed as rock legends, Slash and Axl Rose. It had helped that they had got blind drunk and fell out with each other halfway into the night - their friends just thought they were trying to recreate the infamous breakup of Guns N Roses. They had made up just in time to have their picture taken with the expensive store-bought trophy, and were both crying'  _I love you man'_ as they graciously accepted the award.

The following year, they thought it would be a good, and fucking hilarious idea, to go as, Anna and Elsa. Kenny had, of course, fully committed to the role and full on tucked his junk. He had also borrowed some of Marj's underwear and would reveal to anyone who happened to walk past him, how good his fake vagina looked in his girlfriend's panties. Craig often wondered what kind of sex life they had. 

Last year, however, they had excelled themselves, dressing up as Harry and Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber, in the iconic blue and orange suits. They had fucking nailed it. 

"I was thinking we could go as Wayne and Garth," Craig suggested.   

"Dude, we won't win with that!" Kenny looked worried. 

"It's all about attention to detail, trust me," Craig reassured the blonde. 

"Attention to detail? You're not the one that taped his dick and balls up his ass..." Kenny protested. 

“Like I said at the time, it really, REALLY, wasn’t necessary.” 

“And like I said at the time, how dare you deny me of the chance to wear girls’ underwear.” 

“But you can do that anytime,” Token spoke up without thinking. His face fell as he immediately realized what he had just said. His cheeks tinged pink against his dark skin, and he snapped his head back down to his phone. Everyone except Clyde gawked at him. 

“Well then-I, um... sorry dude, I don’t really know where to go after that,” Kenny dissolved into giggles, with Craig and Stan following his lead. Token looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. 

"Why do you always get to go in matching costumes. It's not fair!" Clyde, who seemed to have missed the whole Token underwear fetish, looked at Craig desperately. He hated how close Craig and Kenny were, and Halloween was another reminder of how he had been demoted to second place. As usual, he looked like he was about to cry.  

Craig managed to stop laughing to respond to the brunette, "Because you have a girlfriend and you do matching costumes every year." Bebe and Clyde, like Stan and Wendy, went dressed as some couple-cringe mess every year. Last year, they had been Sonny and Cher. It was horrendous. Clyde had looked like a 70s porn star... 

"Kenny has a girlfriend! Why doesn't he have to go as a couple?" The brunette pouted. 

"Marj is going to Tink's," Kenny shrugged, he was digging through Craig's bag and still laughing to himself.  

"Here." Craig pulled the bag from his grasp and dug out the sandwich that the blonde had been looking for. Craig's mom always made a spare for Kenny. 

"What are they doing at Tweek's?" Stan asked.  

"I don't know. She mentioned something about shit snacks and spooky games?" His eyes were trained on unwrapping the chicken salad sandwich, "But they're dressing up as Harry Potter characters..." he smirked. 

"Just her and Tweek?" Clyde stifled a shit-eating grin. 

"No. There's like six of them." Kenny took a large bite out of his sandwich. 

"That's quite cute." Stan smiled, knowing that Kyle would no doubt be one of the six. 

"I know, she is too pure for this world." Kenny said between chews, "She's so delightful that sometimes, I wanna punch her in the face." 

"Can we not go as like, The Three Musketeers or something?" Clyde tried to steer the conversation back to his issue. 

"Um, hello?!" Token looked up from his phone, "What about me?" 

"Exactly. What about Token?" Kenny said, through a mouthful of sandwich, “Actually dude, you wouldn’t want to go as a Musketeer, I’m pretty sure they wore bloomers, not panties,” he was looking at Token solemnly. 

Craig choked on his soda, falling back into hysterical laughter. Token flipped them both off. 

"Plus, The Three Musketeers is so fucking gay dude." Kenny laughed at Clyde, as if he was embarrassed at the idea. 

"Well..." Clyde began irritably. He slapped his hand on the table and pointed at Craig, "What about the Ghostbusters - there's 4 of them!" 

"Am I like invisible?!" Stan piped up, looking slightly hurt.

"You can be Slimer or April... actually Token can be April,” Kenny grinned. 

Stan laughed and Token held up another finger to the blonde, he knew he would never hear the end of his confession.  

Clyde looked well and truly defeated. "Fine go as Wayne and fucking Garth. I don't care." The brunette huffed and stabbed his pasta mercilessly. 

"You care a little bit." 

"Fuck off Kenny."

********************

It was the end of the school day and Tweek had just finished her Music class. She was in a rather good mood; she had gone the whole day without a run-in with Craig or Wendy, had impressed her music teacher with her piano skills, and had made after school plans with Marj to hang out and plan her Halloween party. 

She had to make a quick stop at her locker to get her homework assignments before meeting her best friend in the parking lot. She knew there was a risk that Craig may also make a stop at their lockers and took her headphones out of her bag to carry on with, 'Operation Ignore Craig Tucker'. She selected one of her go-to playlists on Spotify and cranked up the volume. TV on the Radio's 'Wolf Like Me' blasted into her ears, as she made her way down the hallway. 

She was pleased to see that the area was clear and quickly put in her combination before rifling through her locker for what she needed. She almost jumped out of her skin when someone tapped her on her shoulder and expected to see a smirking Craig Tucker stood there. However, she was very surprised to find the boy from her music class, who she also recognized as one of the goth kids from the diner. She pulled her headphones from her ears so that they hung around her neck. 

"Hi," she said timidly. 

The boy flipped his black and red bangs out of his eyes, "Hey." 

At that moment Craig Tucker came strutting down the hallway towards them. From the corner of her eye, Tweek could tell that it was definitely a strut, not a walk. The way he carried himself, on the whole, came across as very confident. Scrap that, arrogant.  _Fantastic,_ Tweek thought to herself. She hadn't let herself look at him but could feel his presence next to her as he stopped at his locker. 

"So, like, do you wanna get coffee sometime?" The goth boy inquired, with another flip of his bangs. 

Tweek's eyes widened just a fraction. Was this actually happening? She'd never been asked out on a date before. Did the boy even know her name? She certainly didn't know his. He probably didn't know who she was, as he wouldn't be asking her to go for coffee with him if he did. Gosh, that was quite bigheaded of her, why would he know who she was? It's not like she was Paris Hilton or something. But still, asking her out for coffee, oh the irony. 

"Coffee?" She found herself asking the goth boy, who wasn't actually bad looking at all. She was well aware Craig was within earshot and was obviously listening to her conversation, she blushed hard. 

"Yeah...I mean... I appreciate your t-shirt choices," the goth boy said, in a very apathetic way. 

Her t-shirt choices? She looked down at the one she was currently wearing, it said, 'Sashay Away' in hot pink swirly font. Was the goth really a Rupaul's Drag Race fan? 

"Coffee," she repeated after a while like it was one of only two words she could say. She wondered what her first word was... she actually wouldn't have been surprised if it had been coffee. Her dad would have been delighted. She made herself snap out of her daydream, it was a dangerous game getting lost in her thoughts, "So...like... like a date?" 

"Well, I guess if you wanna label it. God, no, that's way too conformist. It's just coffee, you know," he said, with another flick of his bangs. 

Tweek wondered if he did that after every sentence like a nervous tick. "Coffee," she nodded. She really needed to stop saying 'coffee'.  

"Sure," she said. She wasn't sure at all. All that she was sure about was that the word coffee had lost all meaning and she wasn't sure if it was even a real word anymore. 

"Sure," she repeated, slowly nodding her head again, "Awesome." She cringed into herself as she said the word that she had been trying to avoid saying. The goth kid raised one of his eyebrows at her. 

"Yeah....right. Here's my number," he handed a slip of paper to her, "Text me or whatever," he nodded at her before turning and slowly walking away as if it pained him to do so. 

Tweek stood there clutching the slip of paper. She was happy that he had said, 'text' and not 'call', as she would rather die than have to actually speak on the phone to someone (even her parents knew to use text messages rather than attempt to phone her). However, she wasn't happy that she had agreed to go out for coffee with the boy. She hadn't had much experience with the opposite sex and didn't actually know how you said ‘no' to someone. If he had asked for her hand in marriage, she wouldn't have been at all surprised if she had replied in the same way. So she should be grateful he was only asking her to go for coffee. 

She was skeptically staring at the slip of paper like she had just found one of Willy Wonka's golden tickets. Not Veruca Salt excited, more like Charlie Bucket shit the bed, kind of way. Like she had never been given a phone number before. Because she had NEVER been given a phone number before. She didn't know what to do with it. Marj would know what to do. She knew about boys...well she knew about one boy which was more than Tweek. She slipped the piece of paper into the pocket of her jeans, to discuss with Marj later on. It was only when she had turned back to her locker, that she realized that Craig was still standing by his locker, staring at her as usual. She jumped slightly. 

"What?"  

"Nothing," he said bitterly. 

Tweek was annoyed at herself for acknowledging him and continued to pack her bag in silence. When she was done, she slammed her locker door shut and turned to walk away. 

"Enjoy your coffee," she heard him say sarcastically. 

She turned on her heel, "What IS your problem?" 

"I don't have a problem," He said, in a way that said he definitely had a problem. 

They stared at each other defiantly.  

"You clearly do!" Tweek spat.  

"Don’t flatter yourself.” 

Tweek laughed in outrage at the boy, "Whatever."  She turned on her heel once again and stalked away from him. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest. Why did he make her feel like this? She was almost at the exit when she heard him punch his locker in frustration. What WAS his problem?

 

 

 

Music referenced:

 

Violet Chachki - : [Bettie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWIpK7m_-Ds)

Tv on the Radio - :  [Wolf Like Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03hC_Ml8aAM)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and the comments so far <3


	7. Squad Goals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely, lovely comments on my last chapter. I can't tell you how much I appreciated them <3

Marj was gripping the piece of paper that Tweek had just handed to her, staring at the digits scrawled on it, like she was trying to decode hieroglyphics. 

"He's the one with red in his hair," Tweek was trying her best to describe which goth boy she meant, "And he flips his bangs out of his face, a lot, you know like..." She flipped her head mimicking the goth's actions.  

Marj looked at her friend through squinted eyes, thinking hard, before widening them in understanding, "Oh! You mean Pete Thelman!" 

"Do I?" 

"Yeah! Black hair with the red streak, always sounds really bored, like it pains him to speak at all?"

Tweek nodded, "Yes!" 

"He's in a few of my classes, nice guy," Marj said. 

"Is he?" 

"Well, he doesn't really speak much but, he seems, you know, nice?" Marj shrugged her shoulders. 

"All serial killers seem nice." 

"Why would he be a serial killer?" 

"Nice? Quiet? I'd love to make a suit out of your skin, kinda guy?" Tweek grinned. 

"Well put it this way, if you end up dismembered in a bath of sand, I'll know who to accuse."  

"Thanks for that reassuring image," Tweek said with a disgusted look on her face. She had only been joking about him being a serial killer, but what if he was? Serial killers didn't really advertise that they were serial killers, did they? What if going for coffee was code for, 'imma slit your throat and have sex with your corpse'.  He seemed like the type. The red in his hair, symbolizing blood, the black clothes, the aura of apathy surrounding him. Yep. He was definitely into necrophilia, she decided. It would be her luck to end up losing her virginity after she had died. At least it wouldn't hurt that way... not that she would know...she would be dead. 

"So do you like him?"  

Tweek snapped out of her daydream of her corpse being ravaged, "I don't know him?" Tweek raised her eyebrows. She was certainly flattered at the boldness of the goth kid even if it was so he could lure her to her death. She had never been given a phone number before and she felt a strange obligation to do something with it.  

They were sprawled out on Tweek's bed, surrounded by an unhealthy amount of junk food. Once a week, her mom would stop by and stock the fridge and pantry with nutritious, and extortionately priced, food, so that her daughter didn't starve. This week, however, she had also added about $200 worth of junk food to the mix, and Tweek knew it was because she had mentioned having her friends over.  

There was an episode of Sex and the City playing in the background on Tweek's huge TV, and every now and then, the two blondes would stop to quote it, or argue about why Carrie should or shouldn't have ended up with Big.  

"He was such a dick to her!" Marj protested. 

"Yeah but, who else was she going to end up with?" 

"Fucking ANYONE else! Aiden... Berger-" 

"-Fucking Berger, you are dreaming! He broke up with her on a post-it note!" Tweek shouted. 

They both stared at each other before quoting in unison, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me." 

Tweek grinned, "I felt like saying that to Wendy when she asked me to be a cheerleader. I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me." 

Marj laughed, "That bitch would hate you regardless." 

"Why DOES she hate me?" Tweek pondered aloud, it was obviously evident that everything she did grated on the head cheerleader - she wasn't that offensive was she? Yeah ok, so they didn't dress the same and yeah she hung out with the 'geeks' of South Park High, but that wasn't reason enough to warrant someone to hate her, was it? She hoped that Wendy was just a bitch in general and that it wasn't personal. Even though it definitely fucking was. She groaned to herself when she remembered she had cheer practice the next day. 

"Probably because Craig likes you," Marj said nonchalantly, tipping a box of NERDS down her throat.  

Tweek spat out the soda she had just taken a sip of, "What?!" She wiped her chin on the back of her sleeve. 

Marj's mouth was annoying full of the tangy candy and she couldn't answer straight away. Had Tweek heard her right? Craig likes her? What? And like....WHAT!? Her heart did an annoying flutter. She waited what seemed like a decade for her blonde friend to swallow the rainbow sweets. It took too freaking long, "Marj, WHAT!?" Tweek demanded. 

"We think he likes you," Marj said with a shrug. 

"We?! Who's we?!"  _More than one person thought that the stupidly attractive Craig Tucker liked her?!_ Why was Marj shrugging like it was no big deal. This was too fucking much. Marj didn't seem to understand that Tweek's heart was one beat away from bursting out of her chest and flying away. 

"And like Why? And Why would Wendy give a shit?" The words tumbled out of Tweek's mouth in an incoherent drabble. She had too many questions about the bomb Marj had just dropped on her. 

"Me and Kenny... It's just....just the way he is with you, you know?" Marj nodded at her friend. 

No. No she did not know. Tweek thought Craig was a dick to her and that did not constitute liking someone. Liking someone was approaching them in the hallway instead of blanking them. Liking someone was asking them to go for coffee and giving them your phone number, instead of referring to you as just one of his 'many' groupies. 

"...And, Craig and Wendy used to go out. She was in love with him," Marj concluded, inhaling another mouthful of NERDS. 

Tweek's eyes widened in shock. Wendy and Craig?! What the fuck.  

"Yeah-she-wash-devashtated-when-he-dumped-her," Marj said through a full mouth, accidentally launching a few pieces of spit-covered candy onto the bed. 

Tweek couldn't comprehend what she had just heard. Wendy and Craig. Craig and Wendy. An image of the pair flashed through her head. They were both ridiculously attractive. Tweek didn't know if a list had been created on the best-looking girls of South Park High but she wouldn't have been at all surprised if Wendy occupied the number one spot if there was one. The more she thought about the pair in her head, the more she thought the two noriettes suited each other. But what had happened? Why had he dumped her? She needed to know. 

"She's probably noticed him checking you out. She hates any girl that's been with Craig, with a passion," Marj stated. 

Tweek's heart stopped. Craig had been with girls. Girls plural. So more than Wendy then. Wendy was one of the 'girls'. Right. Yeah. Okay. So Craig had had girls... more than one girl, a combination of girls. Girls, girls, girls featuring Motley Crue. Tweek cringed. Of course, he fucking had. She didn't want to know the answer to her next question but she couldn't help herself, "And... just how many girls would that be?" Tweek asked curiously.  

Marj shrugged, "A lot." 

_Curiosity killed the cat, you dick_. Tweek felt like she'd been punched in the stomach, "Oh." She said. Marj had confirmed the devastating blow like it was no big deal. 

"Yeah... he's a bit of a man-whore." 

Tweek felt another punch in the stomach, "Oh, right." She didn't understand why it bothered her to hear that about Craig. But it did. Even though she knew she shouldn't be surprised. He was a teenage boy after all. A senior teenage football star boy to be exact - it would be weird if he hadn't been with girls. A lot of girls.

 She was the weird one. Her sexual experiences amounted to two kisses and one extremely awkward handjob, the memory of which she had pushed to the back of her mind and filed under, 'Do not open...fucking ever.'  

The feel of the hot liquid on her midriff, the awkward 'crikey' she had accidentally blurted out when the boy had shot his load on her, and the, 'I think you're great but I actually have a girlfriend back home,' conversation that had followed, complete with the boy leaving her a chocolate bar, as a form of like payment, like she was a juvenile hooker. Tweek shuddered. 

Craig was out of her league, her depth, her universe. They were too different. He was popular, insanely attractive and experienced. She was the geeky, inexperienced, child-like fool. Even if the fantasies she had concocted in her head about him made her feel fantastically funny, it would never amount to anything. She wasn't cut out to be one of Craig's 'girls'. She doubted that he would be content with kissing and holding hands. He would be far too experienced for that...but she wouldn't be able to offer him more than that.  

The thought of intimacy absolutely terrified her. The fact that people willingly slapped together naked, with fluids flying around seemed so... undignified. Like no, just no. And like sleeping around, like with more than one person. More than one person eyeing up your bits... no thank you. Craig had probably seen his fair share of 'bits', including Wendy's.  Wendy's big chested bits flailing around...they could probably take an eye out, Tweek thought. That would be unfortunate wouldn't it, 'How did you lose your eye?' 'Took a flailing tit to the face, mate.' 

She wasn't cut out for sex. She had resigned herself to the fact that she was probably going to be one of those women with a shit load of cats, watching re-runs of Friends, snacking on Ben & Jerrys, and masturbating in the privacy of her own bedroom in the dead of night. That seemed about right. Except for the cats. She fucking hated cats. 

It was best that she found out about Craig this way, before she made a complete fool out of herself. What did she think would happen?  It was one thing liking the way he stared at her in Biology. But thinking he was going to kiss her in the tunnel? Being happy that maybe she had made him angry enough to punch his locker? She was deluded and kidding herself if she ever thought it would materialize into anything.  It was best that she fish in her own pond. Her pond filled with goth boys that may or may not be serial killers. 

"I agreed to get coffee with Pete sometime," Tweek said, after a while, hoping that Marj couldn't sense the disappointment in her voice. 

"Coffee?" Marj smirked, "Does he not know who you are?" 

Tweek grinned, "No. But he fucking should, I am caffeine royalty after all," She shoved a Pringle into her mouth. 

Marj laughed and tipped the half-empty box of NERDS into her mouth, "My Dad never lets me eat shit like this, he says it makes me 'loopy'." 

"My parents aren't home enough to tell me what I can and can't eat," Tweek bragged, shoving a few more Pringles in her mouth, "Jesus, they were right. Once you pop you can't stop." 

"So are you gonna go?" Marj gently pressed her friend. 

"I'm not sure. I don't even know him," Tweek replied with a shrug. 

"Okay, would you like to get to know him?"  

_Would she like to get to know him?_  Good question. She was flattered, extremely flattered actually. And he wasn't exactly bad looking or anything, she would probably go as far to say he was, 'her type' if she had a type. You know, without the serial killer part. 

"I don't know? He seems, um, he seems interesting I guess?" 

"In what way?" 

"He has nice hair." 

Marj smiled, "Well...I mean... what's the worst thing that could happen if you text him?" 

"He could earn my trust, lure me into a false sense of security, invite me round to his house to look at his collection of stick insects. But when I get there, there's no stick insects, and instead, he pushes me down the well that he's dug in his basement, feeds me scraps until my skin starts to loosen up, before mercilessly killing me and wearing my skin to the store for a loaf of bread." 

"Right..." Marj nodded slowly, "And what's the best case scenario if you text him?"

 "We go for 'coffee', we talk and he tells me that his brother is actually Jared Leto, who has seen me on Instagram and actually wanted to ask me out himself but was too scared to, so has sent Pete to do his dirty work for him," Tweek concluded. 

"Ex-exactly... God you're so weird," Marj burst out laughing. Tweek grinned. "But in all seriousness, like what's the harm in texting him? If you realize you don't like him, then you don't have to text him anymore.... and he's easy enough to avoid at school," Marj offered. 

 Tweek thought hard, she'd actually only seen him in her music class and at the diner, of course, so it's not like she would have to see him. It's not like their lockers were next to each other or anything. Marj was right. What's the worst thing that could happen? 

"But you know...if you find out you do like him...go for the 'coffee'," Marj made an air quote gesture on the word 'coffee'. 

"Why did you quote the 'coffee', as in, it might not actually mean coffee?" 

"I'm just saying, 'it puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again'," Marj grinned. 

Tweek couldn't help but smile back, "Goodbye, horses, I’m crying over youuuuu"  she sang, as raised her arms and swayed from side to side, Marj laughed. Tweek loved that they had the same sense of humor, "Okay, so if one WAS to send a text...what would one say?" 

Marj placed a hand onto her chin and looked off into the distance, "How about," she snapped her fingers and looked at Tweek, "I like your hair, can I sit on your face?" 

Tweek burst out laughing, "Is that how you bagged Kenny?" 

Marj grinned, "Pretty much but I didn't mention anything about liking his hair." 

 

***********

 

Tweek had been staring at a blank message screen for the best part of forty minutes. Despite Marj's encouraging pep talk still ringing in her ears, Tweek couldn't bring herself to actually type out a text message.  

She had been trying to think of something hilariously witty about t-shirts to write but so far all she had come up with was, 'Hey it's the girl with the quali-tee shirts.' Why was she alive? If this wasn't her house, she would show herself out. 

She cringed and deleted the message. Back to the drawing board. Maybe she could just send an emoji, like the eggplant. Everyone knew what the eggplant meant - no words needed. It was sexual. It was basically Netflix and chill. But she didn't want that. She wouldn't mind the Netflix part but she definitely didn't want to chill. Unless you know, it actually did mean chill. Chill without a cock in her hand, or in her mouth or you know, in her. 

The handjob memory crept back into her thoughts. She shook her head furiously, trying to get rid of it. 

She started shaking with nerves. One step at a time, she told herself. No need to think about Netflix and chill. It's just a text message.  She was definitely not going to send him the eggplant. Maybe the monkey covering its eyes but definitely not the eggplant. But how fucking rude of him to assume she meant Netflix and Chill if she did. Maybe she just liked eggplants. She had to remind herself that no eggplant illustration had been sent, nor had the goth boy asked for a one-way ticket into her pants. She was getting mad at a hypothetical situation and at the hypothetical serial killer, horny, goth boy she had constructed in her head. She needed to chill out. She needed to Netflix and chill... she snorted with laughter. 

Why was this so god-damn hard? She had managed to say at least five words to him face-to-face, so why couldn't she think of fucking one to send him now. 

'YOU HAZ NICE HAIR' she typed in capitals. 

She snorted loudly again, laughing at her own stupidity... she was becoming delirious. Who knew sending a simple text message was so freaking difficult? She didn't find it hard texting Marj or writing in the group chat which she had hilariously named, ‘HAZZA P - IT'S GONNA BE LIT’. 

_Come the fuck on Tweek, you can do this..._  She remembered Marj's pep talk, 'You got this. You iz smart, you iz kind, you iz important', she repeated to herself. After about a fucking month, she finally managed to type three simple letters into her screen: 'Hey'. 

She pressed send and threw her phone to the other side of her bed. 

Hey. 

Hey. 

Fucking hey. 

She groaned and put her head in her hands, thinking of all the ways the goth boy could interpret the 'hey'. She had meant it in the way, that a really cool kid would say it. Like effortlessly. Like the way, Jordan Catalano said it in 'My So-Called Life'. But you can't convey that in a text message, can you? It would probably come across more like the way Krusty the Clown said it...'HEY HEY!'   

Fuck. She grabbed her phone. She had definitely sent just the one 'Hey' hadn't she?

Yep. Just the one. Just the one, 'hey'. 

'What do gay horses eat? Haaaaaaaaaayyyy!'  She groaned again cringing into herself. Trust her to fuck up a simple task. 

She almost fell off the bed when the sound of her phone pinging rang in the otherwise silent room.  

She looked at the screen to see that 'Goth boy Pete' had text back. 

Goth boy Pete 9.48pm: Who's this? 

Tweek scowled. Who the fuck did he think it was? How many girls did he give his number to? Was he another Craig-Whore - was she 'one of many?' Had he also seen his fair share of 'bits'? She felt like an idiot. 

Tweek 9.49pm: You asked me to text you or whatever 

'Or whatever'. She was trying to be all aloof and mysterious. Like, 'yeah, I haven't been sat on my bed for over an hour thinking of what to say to you. No, not at all. In fact, I just remembered that you even gave me your phone number. No, I haven't been dissecting why you gave me it or studying your handwriting to see whether I can link you to the Zodiac killer. Not at all.' 

She definitely sounded mysterious. She hadn't even given her name. She wasn't going to make it easy for him, in case there was more than one girl and he used the same lame t-shirt chat-up lines on them too.  _Did he even like her t-shirt choices?!_  

Goth boy Pete 9.49pm: Hey - so Tallulah, right? 

Ahhh, so only one girl then. And he knew her name. Tweek smiled.    

Tweek 9.50pm: I prefer Tweek ^_^

Goth boy Pete 9.50pm: ? 

Tweek 9.51pm: It's my last name 

Goth boy Pete 9.51: Like the coffee? 

'I am the coffee' she wrote before laughing to herself and deleting it. 

Tweek 9.52pm: Yeah... 

Goth boy Pete 9.52pm: Cool 

_Was it?_  

Goth boy Pete 9.53pm: So Trixie Mattel... 

Tweek grinned at her screen. Thank fucking god the small talk was over, she was so bad at introductions and starting conversations, that she was glad the goth had taken the reigns. And what a conversation to start! She could talk about Rupaul's Drag Race until the cows came home, and even then, she would probably ask the cows whether they minded if she continued with her conversation. They probably wouldn't mind, she thought. They were cows after all. Unless they were like homophobic cows or something. Well, they can get the fuck off her ranch then.  

Shit. She'd done it again. How many minutes had passed? She needed to stop zoning out about eggplants and homophobic cows. She briefly imagined a cow in full on drag walking the runway on its hind legs. She shook her head, snapping herself out of yet another daydream. 

Tweek 9.56pm: Shangela was robbed. 

Goth boy Pete 9.56pm: No...I mean, you look like Trixie Mattel. 

Tweek laughed and sent him the middle finger emoji back.  

Goth boy Pete 9.58pm: Just joking :P

Was the goth flirting with her? She realized she was still grinning at her screen like a lunatic. 

The conversation about RuPaul's Drag Race continued for a while. A few arguments were quickly started over who should have won which season, and Tweek found herself furiously typing out her messages and searching for appropriate GIFs to send the gothic boy. He was extremely funny. Well in text form at least, whether that translated to real life, she did not know. She remembered his apathetic tone and burst out laughing thinking of him saying, 'If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?' 

She was surprised how well they got on, it was actually really easy messaging him. She didn't have the butterflies she felt whenever Craig looked at her, but she thought that this was maybe better. There was less of a chance of her making a fool out of herself.  

She didn't realize a whole hour had passed until she actually stopped to look at the time. 

Goth boy Pete 10.57pm: So, what are you doing for Halloween? 

Tweek 10.58pm: Throwing a spooktacular shindig. How about you? Cracking out the Ouija board? 

Goth boy Pete 10.58pm: No, I save that for Christmas. 

Tweek 10.58pm: Saving it to summon the ghost of Christmas past, eh? 

Goth boy Pete 10.59pm: No. Tiny Tim actually.

Tweek laughed out loud. 

Goth boy Pete 11.00pm: So when can I take you out for coffee? 

Tweek felt herself flush, her heart started beating furiously fast. She stared at her screen for a while, not knowing what to say. She had been having a nice time throwing banter about drag queens and dead Charles Dickens' characters around. Why did he have to ruin it by making it serious? She was a keyboard warrior, she wasn't sure she could fucking do this face-to-face. Jesus Christ. It was a good thing that she had taken her anxiety medication, or she would be rocking in a corner with a tinfoil hat on, right about now. She put down her phone and buried her head in her pillows. 

_'You are a strong, independent woman who don't need no man'_ , Tweek told herself. ' _Ahhh wait, fuck, no. That's not right. You iz smart, you iz kind, you iz important',_  She corrected herself. ' _Come on Lulu, you're a big girl now. You can do this.'_  

She exhaled. With her hands still shaking, Tweek located her phone that had disappeared in the mountain of sheets.  

_'Come on'_ , she thought to herself. ' _What would Bon Jovi do?'_ She started singing, _'It's now or never, I don't wanna live forever!'_  She quickly typed a reply into the message box and pressed send before she could stop herself. 

Tweek 11.07pm: I'm free on Wednesday 

Pete 11.07pm: It's a 'date' ;)

 

***********

 

"Tweek honey, you're like one second behind everyone else," Wendy called out. 

Tweek flushed scarlet. No matter what she did, Wendy had found fault with her this entire practice. Her flips were too lazy, her dance moves not concise, her posture not straight enough. 

"Don't let me regret my decision," Wendy said to her, loud enough for everyone to hear it. 

Tweek never wanted to be a stupid cheerleader in the first place. Wendy had begged her. Full on begged her. And now she was here, mocking her to the point of cruelty, in front of the rest of the girls. 

"And again!" The head cheerleader called out. 

The music hit and Tweek started moving. She was trying her hardest and knew she was nailing it. 

"TWEEK! It's 1,2,3 then turn!" Wendy screamed at her, as the music abruptly screeched to a halt, "Right, everyone take a seat. Tweek, you stay. We're gonna run it with just you, until you get it." 

Tweek was mortified. The rest of the girls shot her sympathetic looks, as they trudged past. She noticed that Bebe and Annie were smirking at each other as they left her alone on the gym floor. 

The music started again and Tweek counted in her head before starting the routine. She wasn't going to give Wendy the satisfaction, even though she knew she could happily start crying at any moment. She was that determined to wipe the shitty smirk off Wendy and her two sidekicks' faces, that she didn't care that she had the entire cheer team watching her every move. 

She really went for it - her kicks were high, her flips tight, and she moved like the music was flowing through her veins. 

 "Stop the music!" Wendy called out. The music abruptly ended which had a knock on effect to Tweek who immediately slowed to a stop. 

"Why can't you follow simple instructions?" Wendy demanded, "It's not that fucking hard!" 

"Woah, Wendy. What the fuck? She fucking killed it." Nichole had risen from the bleachers. She was supported by the majority of the cheer team who nodded and verbally agreed, that Tweek, had in fact done well. 

"She's off. It's obvious that she's off. It will throw the whole team off," Wendy bit back. Bebe and Annie nodded in agreement. 

"I'm not seeing it," Nichole said with a shrug. 

"And that's why you're not head cheerleader," Wendy smiled sweetly at Nichole. 

"No, guess not. Carry on, Mein Fuhrer." Nichole saluted Wendy. 

The cheer team tried to muffle their gasps and laughter. Tweek snorted at Nichole's remark and had to pretend to be sniffing when Wendy shot a glare in her direction. 

"Excuse me?" Wendy snapped her head back to Nichole. 

"Did I stutter?" Nichole retorted coolly. 

Fuck. Pass Tweek the popcorn. 

Wendy stared at Nichole, and Tweek could see the cogs turning in her head. Tweek didn't know much about the social hierarchy of the school. But even she knew that Nichole was untouchable. Wendy might be head cheerleader and student body president. But Nichole was Token's girlfriend.  

"Should we leave it there?" Bebe had approached Wendy and delicately placed her hand on her best friend’s arm. Wendy flinched and looked at the blonde. They seemed to have a conversation using only their eyes. 

"Yeah..." Wendy relaxed and blinked before turning to the bleachers, "Yeah. Okay ladies, that's all for today. I'll see you on Thursday," Wendy shot another glare at Tweek before stalking off to the changing rooms, to lick her wounds. 

Tweek ambled over to the bleachers, to where Nichole was stood, "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Nichole smiled widely at Tweek, "Wendy's a bitch. Please don't take it personally, you're an awesome cheerleader.” 

Tweek blushed. It was the second time Nichole had been complimentary of her. She wasn’t used to being praised by her peers. 

"She just has a problem with pretty girls," Nichole concluded. 

They walked to the changing rooms and Tweek made a grab for her bag. She wasn't going to linger any longer than she had to. She could shower and change at home. No doubt Wendy was probably waiting until Nichole was out of sight before she would pounce again.  

"Are you coming to Token's on Friday?" Nichole asked her, as she was throwing her bag over her shoulder. 

"Oh. No. I'm having a little Halloween gathering at my house," Tweek cringed into herself... ‘gathering’, why had she said that? Like they were going to be summoning the spirits and dancing naked in the woods. 

"Ahh, bummer. Well, how about next Friday after the game? I'm booking you early!" Nichole laughed, as though Tweek was a shiny Charizard card, rare and elusive.  

"Um..yeah...okay," Tweek stammered. She hated parties. 

"I'm holding you to that!" Nichole grinned excitedly. 

Fuck. She had just agreed to go to one of Token's infamous parties. The ones that Kyle avoided like the plague, 'And with good reason!' he had told her. It seemed to be a cesspool of horny teenagers, trying to get wasted or laid or both. Two things that Tweek had no interest in doing. At least she wouldn't have to go dressed as a sexy witch to this one. Or maybe she would, people already thought she was weird. 

“Can’t wait!” Tweek grinned back. She could wait. She could happily wait.  

There was no point in getting anxious about the party now, not when she had bigger fish to fry. Bigger fish to drink coffee with actually. Oh god, it was tomorrow. Every time she thought about her 'date' her knees started to sweat. Was that normal? 

She said her goodbyes to Nichole and the other members of the squad before heading down the tunnel. 

"Hello stranger," Kyle Broflovski was leaning against the wall. 

Tweek's face lit up, "What are you doing here?" 

"Waiting for Stan. I've just had debate club." 

Tweek grinned, of course, Kyle was on the debate team. She bet he was the best one, she certainly wouldn't like to take him on in an argument. 

"What was this week's topic, then?" She asked him. 

"North Korea having nuclear weapons." 

"Let me guess, you were definitely 'for' that?" Tweek teased. She watched how his ears turned pink, followed by his cheeks. 

"Are you kidding me!?" He had taken the bait quite nicely and was quite simply outraged. She grinned wider. He stopped mid-rant when he realized she was teasing him and returned her smile with a 'fuck you' thrown in. 

"So do you need a ride?"  

Kyle blinked at her, "Um, yeah... that would be sweet actually. I usually go with Stan but.. um, like having to sit in a car with Wendy..." He trailed off. 

Tweek laughed. She had gotten the feeling that Kyle wasn't Wendy's Number 1 fan and that suited her just fine. 

"I'll, um, I'll just wait for Stan to, um, to tell him." 

Tweek couldn't help but sense that Kyle seemed a bit flustered, "Cool, I don't think you've ever been in Cherry, have you?" 

"Oh god, please don't tell me you're one of those losers who names their car," Kyle laughed in embarrassment. 

"Okay, I'm not one of those losers who names their car." She winked in an over-exaggerated manner. Kyle laughed. 

"Hey dude," Stan Marsh had emerged from the tunnel, along with some football players. Tweek had forgotten that the football team practiced on the same nights as the cheer squad. 

"Hey dude, how was practice?" 

"It was good. How was debate club? Throw any chairs, this week?" Stan grinned at his best friend. 

Tweek looked at Kyle who turned bright red. She laughed at his reaction which confirmed that he had once thrown a chair in anger - she knew he was hotheaded but geez. 

"That was one time!" Kyle protested, he was looking at Stan like he could kill him. 

More football players and cheerleaders started emerging from the tunnel. Tweek cringed, she really didn't want to be here when Wendy appeared. 

"Tink! How are you?" Kenny McCormick had appeared, with Craig Tucker at his side. 

"Hey Kenny," She smiled at the blonde, choosing to ignore the black-haired boy. 

"You excited for your spooky, um wizard thingy?" Kenny asked. 

"Yeah - it's going to be fun. Kyle's being Ron," Tweek babbled. She didn't know why she had just said that.  

Kyle bushed furiously and facepalmed, as the three boys turned to look at him. 

"Who the fuck's Ron?" Stan asked, looking puzzled. 

Kyle looked up from his hands, "Ron Weasley. From Harry Potter..." He said full of shame. 

"The ginger one," Kenny confirmed to a still confused looking Stan.  

Stan looked from Kenny to Kyle with a shocked look on his face, "You're actually dressing up?" 

"Apparently," Kyle shot a glare at Tweek. 

"Holy shit. You actually got him to agree to dress up," Stan turned to Tweek in awe. 

"He didn't really put up much of a fight," Tweek smirked. 

"I bet he didn't," Craig mumbled in a low voice. But Tweek heard him, as did Kenny. She shot a look at him but Craig just stared back at her.  She held his gaze before tearing her eyes away from him, willing herself not to blush. Her stomach flipped again.  _'No. No. Remember the 'bits'...girls PLURAL',_  she reminded herself. 

"Have you decided what you're going as yet?" Tweek asked Kenny.

"Yeah, we're thinking Wayne and Garth," Kenny pointed between him and Craig. 

"Nice!" Tweek grinned, "I have the perfect wig for Garth, if you want to borrow it?" 

The boys all looked at her blankly. 

Kenny didn't know whether she was joking or not, "Yeah, cool, if you don't mind?" He said skeptically. 

"Not at all, I'll give it Marj tomorrow." Tweek smiled. 

Everyone looked at her like she had lost the fucking plot. She made a mental note not to reveal anything about her cosplay habits. 

"So you ready to go, dude? I just need to get Wendy," Stan said. 

"Um, actually, I'm, um, I'm getting a ride with Tweek," Kyle said sheepishly.

Stan's eyes widened and he suppressed a grin, "Yeah-sure! Yeah, that's cool, dude."  

"Actually, I don't know if I feel safe having you in my car..." Tweek teased the redhead. Stan laughed. 

"Seriously, it was one fucking time," Kyle bit back. His cheeks had tinged pink again. 

Tweek put her hands up in surrender, "Okay, okay!" 

"Kyle been throwing chairs again?" Kenny asked Stan with a grin. 

"Oh for fuck's sake," Kyle rolled his eyes and began stalking off towards the car park. Tweek smiled at Kenny and Stan, and glanced one last time at Craig, before going after him. They stood and watched as she jogged a little before catching him up and walking with him. 

"They look cute together, don't they?" Stan said proudly. 

Kenny glanced at Craig who was watching them intently. 

"Uh-huh," Kenny didn't want to encourage Stan's assessment of the pair, even though they did look cute as fuck together. 

"Too bad she's going out with Pete Thelman," Craig said in a bored tone. 

"What?!" Stan and Kenny said in unison. 

"He asked her out yesterday," Craig said with a shrug, "For 'coffee'." 

"And she said yes?" Stan asked. He was hoping that the blonde would have declined the request. 

Craig nodded, "Yep."

"Apparently you can never have too much coffee," Kenny grinned. 

"Aww, that sucks. Poor Kyle," Stan watched as his best friend opened the door to the red mini. He was smiling the smile that he only reserved for a handful of people. And he was smiling that way at Tweek.

 

***********

 

"Normally, I don't support soul destroying corporations like this, but you know, it's like the only place to get good coffee, and like, charge your phone." 

They were stood on the shop floor in Tweek Coffee, looking at the menu. It was fairly busy and Tweek had yet to be noticed by the employees. 

She had tried protesting going in, thinking there had to be a Harbucks somewhere, but unfortunately, she had learned from Pete that Tweek Coffee was the only coffee store in the town. 

"We could go to Ronny's?" Tweek suggested hopefully, playing on Pete's hatred for 'soul-destroying corporations'.  _How rude!_  she thought to herself, although he had said that they make good coffee, so she would forgive him. 

"Eurgh, no. My friends are there," Pete said with a flip of his bangs, "And not like, I'm ashamed or anything, but they'll expect us to sit with them..." 

Tweek was grateful that he hadn't taken her to Ronny's after all. The thought of being interrogated by more than one goth made her want to vomit. It had taken all her willpower to actually show up for just one goth. She had almost texted Pete to cancel and had even googled reasons she could use as an excuse to bail. She had planned to tell him she had been grounded for breaking her curfew (what curfew?) but then Marj had told her to get a god damn grip of herself, and the next thing she knew, she was slipping her faux-leather jacket on, repeating Marj's mantra to herself, 'You iz smart, you iz kind, you iz important', and standing outside one of her parents' coffee shops. She didn't even remember the drive from her house to town. 

"So do you know what you want?" Pete asked her.

She didn't know why she was even looking at the menu. She could recite every single item on it and could tell you every single beverage on the 'secret menu'.  

'Every established business has a secret menu or product,' Tweek's dad had said to her. Tweek had laughed to herself, thinking of a secret iPhone with the ability to pick up dog shit. Her Dad was intent on being down with the kids, and ever since he had learned McDonald's had a secret menu, he had become obsessed with being a part of the elusive club of businesses that thought they were so important that they warranted a secret anything. 

"Yep, you?" Tweek nodded at Pete.  

"Yeah," He said, very apathetically. 

They approached the counter to order and Tweek watched as the serving employee's eyes widened when she looked at her. 

"Hi Tallulah, how are you?" The employee flashed her best smile at her. 

"Um, good thanks," Tweek blushed hard. 

"What can I get for you today?" 

Pete looked at Tweek curiously, "You come here a lot then?" 

Tweek laughed maniacally, "Hahahaha - yeah, something like that." 

They ordered their drinks and Pete looked confused as the employee asked for the next customer in line. 

"But we haven't paid?" He asked the girl. 

The employee winked at the duo with a smile as if Pete was in on the joke. He looked dumbfounded. 

"But we haven't paid?" Pete repeated to Tweek. 

"Don't worry about it,"  Tweek said. 

"What...like, do you come here that often that they give you free drinks?" Pete still looked flummoxed, "Do you work here or something?" 

"Something like that, yeah," Tweek nodded sheepishly. She watched as realization dawned on Pete. 

"Tweek. Tweek Coffee," he said slowly. He looked horrified.

"...Yeah..." Tweek looked away. 

They stood in awkward silence, waiting for their drinks to be made. Tweek knew that Pete was embarrassed. He was probably going over the whole 'soul-destroying corporation' comment in his head. She made a note to tease him about it later. 

"A large skinny latte and large americano!" The employee called out. Tweek and Pete shuffled forward to retrieve their drinks. They scanned the store before choosing two comfy sofas in the far corner to sit at. 

"So..." Tweek couldn't help herself from smirking. The situation was quite amusing. Awkward but amusing. She had almost forgotten about her nerves.

"Okay, so apart from being heir to a freaking dynasty, is there anything else you should tell me?" Pete said with a small smile dancing on his lips. 

"Um," Tweek pretended to think hard, "I'm also a Leo," she smirked at the goth boy. 

Pete smiled, "Fuck. You know, I could have overlooked the whole coffee empire thing but this is too fucking much." 

Tweek grinned, okay so maybe she could do this face-to-face after all. 

 

***********

 

"Favourite film?" Pete asked Tweek, they were on their third cup of coffee, and Tweek had switched to Pete's choice of an Americano - there was only so much milk she could drink. 

"Um... gun to my head, probably Seven," Tweek said slowly. There were many contenders for her favorite film, including Thelma and Louise but she didn't want to think about that now.  

"Good choice," Pete nodded approvingly. 

"Yeah, I don't think I'll ever get bored of watching Brad Pitt's 'What's in the box!?' performance," Tweek said, taking a sip of her coffee. 

"Good impression," Pete laughed. She hadn't realized that she had fully committed to mimicking Brad Pitt's anguish over finding out what was in the box. She blushed a bit in embarrassment. 

"What about you? Wait. Don't tell me, it's Beetlejuice, isn't it?" 

"Ha-ha-ha" Pete laughed sarcastically, "No it's not. And no, it isn't Edward Scissorhands either, or any other Tim Burton creation." 

She grinned at the goth's self-awareness.

"It's actually Requiem for Dream," Pete concluded, sipping his coffee. 

Tweek raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Requiem for a Dream? You've watched it more than once?" 

Pete nodded. She was impressed. It was a hard film to watch. 

"Yeah. It's just like 'It's a Wonderful Life'. But except, you know. It's actually a fucking terrible life," Pete said. 

Tweek laughed, "Yeah. Whenever I think I hate my life, I think about Requiem for a Dream and think, you know, it could be worse." 

"Exactly. You could be a one-armed junkie, rotting in prison," Pete agreed. 

"Yeah, or you know getting fucked up the ass with a double ended dildo for a bag of cocaine," Tweek joked. 

Pete looked at her blankly. Fuck had she said that aloud. She forgot she was on a date and not chilling in her bedroom with Marj. She felt her cheeks grow instantly hot, as she flushed with embarrassment. 

Pete smirked, "Yeah...or that." 

Oh god. She needed to recover the conversation but all she could think about was the actor shouting, 'ASS TO ASS', as a condom was slipped over the black dildo. Fuck. 

"Yeah....great film. Darren Aronosky...fantastic director," She said sheepishly. 

Pete was still grinning, "Yeah, he is." 

_Oh fuck you goth boy, you are loving this,_  Tweek thought. It was actually kind of funny. She couldn't help but grin back, as he started laughing. He had a nice laugh. It didn't suit his gothic appearance at all.

"Tweek!"  

Tweek jumped at an alarming rate, sloshing her hot Americano all over herself. She turned to look for the source who had shouted her and found Wendy Testaburger and Bebe Stevens peering down at her. 

"Oh shit, sorry babe!" Wendy offered apologetically. Bebe grinned evilly. 

Tweek wished people would stop shouting her name. They must know how nervous she was by now. It was a bloody miracle she had any of the Americano left at all. 

"Um, hi," She said nervously, as she attempted to clean herself up. Pete handed her some napkins and she smiled at him with gratitude. 

"What brings you here?" Wendy grinned, looking at Tweek and then at Pete. She had obviously sussed that Tweek was on a date.

 "Um... to get coffee?" Tweek offered. 

"Well obviously!" Wendy laughed her fake laugh, glancing at Pete again, "Hi! I'm Wendy, Wendy Testaburger and this is Bebe," Wendy flashed her most charming smile to Pete. 

"I know. We have several classes together," Pete replied apathetically. 

"Do we?! Oh I'm so sorry! I must not recognize you!"

"Don't worry. I do blend in," Pete said. Tweek smirked. 

Wendy acted as though she hadn't heard the snide comment, "Well, we'll leave you two alone," She grinned, giving Tweek a wink, that Pete definitely saw. Tweek could have die - the bitch had done it on purpose.  

"We'll see you at practice, missy!" Wendy smiled before waving and walking out with Bebe, take out cups in hand, probably housing Pumpkin Spiced Lattes.  

Missy? Missy? Had Tweek heard her right? Jesus Christ. Why was this her life? Why did God keep shitting on her with these run-ins with dickheads? Oh well, it could be worse...'ASS TO ASS' and all that. 

"Practice?" Pete broke the silence, looking at Tweek with a quirked eyebrow. 

Oh shit yeah. She had neglected to mention the whole cheerleading thing. 

"Um. Yeah. So, I might also be a cheerleader." 

"You're kidding." 

"I honestly wish I was." 

Pete stared at her with a weird look on his face. It wasn't quite disappointed and it wasn't quite constipation but it was somewhere in-between. Disapation. Tweek thought. 

"Do you have something against cheerleaders?" Tweek asked, of course, he did. He was a goth for fuck's sake. 

"It's just. It's so...conformist...I didn't think you were like that." 

"Like what?" Tweek was a bit offended. She didn't judge him for being a goth or a serial killer. She reminded herself to ask him if he had any stick insects. Not that it mattered. The date had gone from 'It's a Wonderful Life' to it's a fucking terrible life, as Pete had said. 

"Like them. Like Wendy Testaburger." 

"I'm not like Wendy." She said curtly. Fuck you for even comparing her to that bitch. 

"No, I didn't mean that..." Pete threw a look of guilt her way.... "It's just..." He sighed, "I don't know how to put it into words." 

"No, I get it. You think that just because I'm a cheerleader, I must be a certain type of girl. Stuck-up, preppy, thinking I'm better than everyone else. I get it." 

"No." 

"You're clearly putting me in that box," Tweek said, immediately thinking of Brad Pitt shouting, 'WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!' 

"No. Well yeah, but I don't mean to. I mean you're here, aren't you?"

Tweek was confused, "What do you mean?" 

"I mean...you agreed to like go for coffee with me. That immediately makes you different." 

Tweek looked at him, like really looked at him. She realized that under the goth bravado, Pete was actually an insecure teenage boy. It was kinda heartbreaking actually. 

"Sorry it's just... you know?" Pete bit his lip.  

"Yeah. I get it," She smiled kindly at him. She did get it. She was guilty of stereotyping people too. She wanted to tell him that just because she was a cheerleader didn't mean they couldn't hang out. But she couldn't word it in a way that didn't sound incredibly big-headed. 

She made an attempt to change the conversation instead, "How's your coffee?" 

"Really fucking good actually," Pete smiled. 

"Yeah. Not bad for a soul-destroying corporation."

 

***********

 

"I see Wendy's brought out the big guns, this year," Kenny was stood in front of the open fridge in the Black's kitchen. The Halloween party was in full swing. He reached in grabbing two bottles of Budweiser, "And by big guns, I mean her tits." 

Wendy had come dressed as Jessica Rabbit, in the iconic glittering red dress and purple satin gloves. She looked fucking incredible. Even Craig had to agree, she was sexy as hell. 

Stan, the poor bastard, looked fucking ridiculous. Wendy had made him go as Roger Rabbit but he had ended up looking like a terrifying Easter Bunny reject instead. 

"I'm not worried," Craig said coolly, taking one of the beers off Kenny, "Not with fucking, Donnie Darko on her arm." 

Kenny choked on his beer laughing, "Now that is fucking love." 

Craig had to agree. The shit Stan did to please her.  

Craig and Kenny looked fantastic as usual. His mom had once again outdone herself with their outfits. Craig had straightened his hair and was wearing it uncharacteristically down under his Wayne's World hat. Kenny had shamelessly commented that they would have to swim out of the party, after seeing the girls' reactions to Craig's new do. 'Slippery when wet', he had whispered in his best friend's ear. 

Craig didn't want to admit to Kenny that it was his plan all along. To win Token's Best Dressed award, you needed the most votes. Craig and Kenny didn't struggle getting votes from simple-minded, vulnerable girls. A few sweet nothings whispered in their ears, some empty promises of affection or attraction, lingering looks, a cheeky wink here and there. They knew how to work the crowd. However, other people had begun to get savvy and had upped their game in terms of costumes. Not to mention, the same people also shared the same goal. As long as Craig and Kenny didn't win, it didn't matter who did. Craig sensed a mutiny. It was only a matter of time before they were smart enough to rig the competition by voting for the same person. Fortunately, they hadn't yet thought of that. But it wouldn't be long before they did. So Craig had played his ace. He had worn his hair down.  

"Here he is. The energizer bunny!" Kenny declared as Stan shuffled into the kitchen to get another beer.

"Fuck off Kenny," Stan huffed. He looked miserable. Craig couldn't blame him. He would be fucking miserable too if he looked like that.

 You not hot in that?" Craig asked him. 

"Fucking roasting. But Wendy won't let me take it off until after the awards."  

As well as 'Best Dressed', Token had tried to introduce other awards to the annual party, such as 'most creative' and 'most offensive'. Craig and Kenny knew it was just so other people had the option to win something. They didn't care. They wanted the main title. 

"But bunny, I mean honey, you're clearly not going to win!" Kenny grinned. 

"Oh fuck you. The only reason you two win every year is that most of the girls want to fucking bang you," Stan said bitterly. 

"And, your point is?" Kenny took a long swig of his beer. 

"My point, is that, even though you have nailed the look of Wayne and Garth. How is this any different to your Slash and Axl costume?

"Kenny has a different wig?" Craig offered. Kenny nodded in agreement. 

"And furthermore, how is this even a costume? You guys wear shit like that on a daily basis," Stan ranted. 

"Craig has worn his hair down?" Kenny offered. Craig nodded in agreement. 

"It's fucking bullshit is what it is and you know it." Stan concluded, taking a swig of his beer. 

"You're very quick to forget Anna and Elsa, Stan," Kenny said indignantly. 

"Ok. Maybe you did deserve to win that year," Stan agreed reluctantly, "But that's the only fucking time." 

"You seem very bitter about this, Stan." Kenny loved winding Stan up and glanced at Craig, "You're holding onto a lot of resentment, dude." 

"Yeah, you need to just let it go," Craig grinned.

"Oh no. Don't fucking start..." Stan began. He realized he had walked straight into it. 

Without missing a beat, Kenny and Craig burst into 'Let It Go', grabbing each other and waltzing around the kitchen. 

"I'm out," Stan shouted, before exiting stage left. 

"It's fucking too easy, man," Kenny was grinning from ear to ear. 

"Should we go and garner some more votes?" Craig asked his best friend. 

Kenny nodded, "Let's make Halloween great again."

 

***********

 

"You're not allowed to enter the competition next year. It's not fucking fair."  

"Clyde, don't hate us because you ain't us," Kenny finished taking a selfie of him and Craig with the trophy. He uploaded it to his Instagram with the caption 'Bae'. 

Clyde glared at him. The party was still in full swing and everyone was shitfaced. 

Stan had shed the rabbit costume and was casually sat in his boxers and a white t-shirt, with zero shits to give. 

"I thought you looked great, babe," Bebe cooed in his ear. Her eyes were glazed over, she was fucking wasted. She whispered something in his ear and it seemed to cheer him up immediately, as he jumped up, leading her out of the room. 

Clyde and Bebe had come as Danny and Sandy. It was definitely an improvement on last year's attempt. Craig could tell how much effort Clyde had put into styling his hair. 

In fact, every couple seemed to have improved drastically. He was impressed with Token and Nichole's take on Jay Z and Beyonce. They had even won 'most creative' but he didn't know whether or not that was down to everyone being grateful to Token for giving them a fucking fantastic party. 

"Kenny!" Stan looked drunkenly at the blonde, "Have you seen Kyle's Instagram story?" 

Craig's ears pricked up at the mention of Broflovski, who was currently at Tallulah Tweek's house, a mere four doors down from Token's. 

"No? I'll watch it now," Kenny replied, picking his phone back up. 

Craig reached into his pocket for his own phone. He was intrigued to see what was going on at the blonde elvish princess's party. It was weird but he and Kyle followed each other on the social platform. Despite their dislike for one another. It was just a weird high school thing that happened. Everyone followed everyone. 

He located the Jew's profile and eagerly clicked on his profile picture to start the story. 

The first image was of Kyle, Kevin Stoley and Millie Larsen in matching costumes. Kevin had round glasses on and a lightning bolt scar on his head. Kyle had captioned the photo, "So this is happening..." He looked thoroughly embarrassed in the photo. 

The next scene was a boomerang of Tallulah Tweek opening her front door with a big cheesy grin. He noticed she had a short blonde wig on, that was styled in a slicked back fashion.  

He watched the screen as it went back and forth, the door opening and then closing, and repeat. He was a bit gutted when it finally moved onto to the next video. 

However, this was much better. Marj was holding a phone to her head and Craig immediately recognized the Head's Up game. The word 'Jaws' was displayed on the blue screen and Tallulah was screaming in the blonde's face: 

"duunnn  **dunnn**... duuuunnnn duun... duun dunn duun duun duun" The blonde sang at Marj. She had her hand on top of her head like a fin and Craig smiled at how much she was going for it. 

"Come on Marj, you know this!  'We're gonna need a bigger boat!' A shark! A big ass shark!" She screamed. Marj looked really confused. 

Craig could hear Kyle giggling like a schoolboy, as he filmed the exchange. 

"Um. Free Willy?" Marj finally offered the blonde. 

"Free Willy!? Free fucking Willy?" Tallulah screamed at Marj, before looking hopelessly at the camera. 

By this point, Kyle was laughing so hard that the filming had become shaky, he turned the camera around the room to film the reaction of the other guests, who were holding their sides laughing. 

"Forget it! Flip it up...up!" Tallulah screamed at Marj. 

Craig couldn't see the title of the next movie, as the writing was too small.

"Um... right.... erm...right they're not Barbies, but they're like Barb-" 

"Bratz, the Movie." 

Tallulah looked dumbfounded, "That you get!? That you fucking get?!" 

The video cut to the next scene. He was annoyed to see that the blonde didn't feature in this one. It was Jimmy and Millie, so he tapped his phone screen to the next one. He did this a few times until he came across a clip of Jason White and Tallulah playing Guitar Hero. He recognized the song as Muse's 'Knights of Cydonia'. 

"Look at that concentration," Kyle said. 

Tallulah had her eyes fixed on the screen, concentrating hard. However, she allowed herself to smirk at the comment. Craig smiled at the screen. 

The final video, was of Tallulah, Jimmy, Millie and Jason playing Mario Kart. 

"You think you're hot shit, don't you," Kyle asked the blonde. He was clearly filming her and only her, the rest of the party goers seemed to serve as extras in his 'ode to Tallulah Tweek' Instagram story. Craig wasn't mad at it. 

"Are you still butt-hurt because I annihilated you, despite, you know, your promises to 'thrash' me?" Tallulah replied without taking her eyes off the screen. 

"You had three red shells, how is that even fair?" 

"Awwww are you gonna cry about it, Kyle?" Tallulah pouted hard, "Is Kyle upset because he lost to a girl?" 

Kyle laughed and playfully shoved her with his foot which caused her to flail. 

"Sabotage!!!!" Tallulah screamed. 

"Awww are you gonna cry about it?" Kyle mocked her. 

Craig watched as she briefly let go of her controller to flip off the camera.   

Once the videos had finished, Craig looked at the latest photo Kyle had posted. It was of the group of friends, smiling at the camera.  

The photo had received 32 likes so far and had 4 comments. He clicked the comments and saw that a user named, LuluTweek had commented, '#SquadGoals.' 

He almost dropped his phone, as he clicked on the username a bit too eagerly. 

He was gutted to see that she had a private account. God dammit. He stared at his screen, squinting to see her profile pic.  

He didn't feel Kenny approaching and so wasn't prepared for a rogue finger appearing in front of his eyes. 

Kenny jabbed at his screen, at the follow button.

Fuck. 

Craig watched n horror as 'Follow' turned to 'Requested'. He dropped his phone on the counter and looked up at Kenny with fury. 

Kenny smirked, "Now you can either press that button again to cancel the request. But, you know, she will still get the notification that you've requested to follow her. Or you can be a big boy about it and commit to the follow." 

Craig was about to tear Kenny a new arsehole when his phone vibrated. He snatched his phone up from the counter. His eyes widened at the notification. 

LuluTweek is now following you.

 

***********

 

 

So I've referenced quite a few movies and tv shows in this chapter. So if anyone doesn't get the references, here they are:

[Buffalo Bill - serial killer from Silence of the Lambs - Goodbye Horses](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1dTQh5RST0) 

[Sex and the City - I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPhCvyb5jeQ)

[Jordan Catalano from My So-Called Life](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgY6Qn3499Q) 

[Trixie Mattel drag queen, so you can get a visual](https://www.glee.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Trixie-Matell-WEB-e1511782934827.jpg) 

[Requiem for a Dream: Ass to Ass](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwmQCvRZfVM) 

[Seven: What's in the box!?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1giVzxyoclE&t=72s) Spoiler warning: Don't watch this unless you have seen the film, as it will ruin it for you.


	8. Popcorn and Cigarettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry for the late update! I really wanted to get this out yesterday but C'est La Vie! Thank you for all your kind comments, it really does mean a lot. I'm now on Tumblr, although I haven't really got the foggiest what to do on it. But if you wanna hit me up on that, I'm GuestsWithoutBags. Enjoy :)

**Kenny 12.30am**  - Yo, u still up? xxx 

**Marj 12.30am**  - Yep xxx 

**Kenny 12.31am**  - What u doin :) xxx 

**Marj 12.31am**  - Just chilling with Tweek. Did you win? xxx 

Kenny flipped through his photos and sent Marj the selfie of him and Craig with the trophy. 

**Marj 12.32am** \- Yay :) proud of you xxx 

**Kenny 12.33am**  - How did u not no Jaws...? xxx 

**Marj 12.33am**  - Haaaa I've never seen it! xxx 

**Kenny 12.34am**  - U r 2 cute I miss u xxx 

**Marj 12.37am**  - Tweek said you can stay over if you want ;) xxx 

**Kenny 12.37am** \- .... ? 

**Marj 12.38am** \- She has a guest bedroom with an en-suite, it has a walk-in shower ;) xxx 

Kenny almost dropped his phone when he read the message. He had to re-read it several times before it sunk in. 

**Kenny 12.40am**  - Giv me 10 mins xxx 

_Marj sent the crying laughing emoji back._  

"Well, this has been swell but it's about time I hit the old dusty trail," Kenny stood up, exaggerating a fake yawn and stretching for the heavens. 

"It's not even 1am?!" Craig protested.  

Token's Halloween, New Year and Last Day of School parties were famous for lasting until at least 6am. At his last Halloween party, Craig and Kenny had stayed up partying all night and had staggered to iHop at 7am for breakfast, still drunk and still dressed as Harry and Lloyd. Well, Kenny was still dressed as Harry, Craig had just about managed to keep the shirt and pants on - and it was a miracle he had managed that. He never did get the hat back... 

"Yeah... I'm beat," Kenny said with a sigh, "Too much excitement for me, I'm getting old now." 

"You're 17," Craig challenged. 

"Yeah well...um, my dogs are barking."  

"You've been sat down for the last hour." 

"Yeah...got an early start tomorrow, so, um..." 

"Why? What are you doing tomorrow?" 

"Right. Fuck you, I need to get laid." Kenny abruptly snapped out of his pretend-exhaustion. 

Craig grinned, "Why didn't you just say that then?" 

"Bros before hoes and all that," Kenny shrugged. He was usually very good with that rule. He always put Craig first, even though Craig didn't always return the gesture when it came to the ladies. But this was different. This was a free house. A free fucking house. And in that free fucking house was a guest bedroom.  An en-suite guest bedroom. An en-suite guest bedroom complete with walk-in shower. Kenny's dick twitched in his jeans, thinking about fucking his girlfriend's against the wall, as the warm stream of water cascaded down upon them. Even if Craig had one hour left to live, Kenny would still probably struggle turning such an opportunity down. 

"Tink has a free house and a guest bedroom - a guest bedroom that has a bathroom attached... a bathroom that has a walk-in shower in," Kenny said quickly and urgently as if Craig needed to understand the importance of the offer. 

Craig smirked at the blonde, "Water makes a poor lubricant." 

"Why do you have to shit on the fantasy? Why can't you let me find that out for myself? A good friend would say, 'Kenneth, go forth and have hot, steamy shower sex, you beautiful blonde beast.'" 

Craig laughed, "Fine. Go and have shower sex-" 

"-Hot, steamy shower sex," Kenny corrected him. 

"Yeah. Go and have... that." 

"You beautiful blonde beast?" Kenny nodded in encouragement. 

Craig stared at him. 

Kenny sighed, "I call you my raven haired adonis all the time!" 

"I know you do, you creepy fuck." 

Kenny pouted, a look of hurt washed over his face. 

Craig eventually gave in, "Fine. Go and have hot, steamy shower sex, you beautiful blonde bastard."  

"Close enough," Kenny grinned at Craig and made a dash for the exit, "Cheers babe, love you!" he called as he ran from the room. 

Craig didn't actually mind that Kenny had bailed on him. It meant that he would be able to peruse Tallulah Tweek's Instagram at his leisure. Only him and Stan remained in the kitchen, and Stan didn't seem at all receptive to his surroundings. His cognitive abilities had left him around his tenth beer and he was in that stage of being so wasted that you can barely support your own head from lolling about all over the show like a newborn baby. He was fighting to stay awake, looking at his phone, and every now and then his head would sink with the invisible hand of gravity pulling it downwards, before he'd rapidly jerk it back up again, to try and keep himself conscious. He had fallen off the chair no less than six times. It was quite comical to watch. Craig thought he should be filming it. 

When he had received the notification that LuluTweek was following him, Craig had tried to act casual, shoving his phone into his pocket and telling Kenny to fuck off, as he waltzed back into the living room to rejoin the party. He had sought out a random Junior girl to make out with, to prove a point to Kenny, that no, he did not give a fuck that the blonde had accepted his request and was now following him too on social media. It meant nothing. But his phone felt like it was burning a hole in his pocket. LuluTweek is now following you. 

As he lazily made out with Kelly? Was it Kelly? Kirsten? Kendall? Oh who the fuck knew her name, he certainly didn't care. As he made out with the random girl, his mind was elsewhere, thinking of what it would be like kissing the petite blonde, hoisting her tiny frame up against a wall, her legs wrapped around his waist, her arms around his neck, biting at her soft porcelain skin, leaving faint purple bruises, marking his territory. He hadn't realised how hard he was until Kelly/Kirsten/Kendall had offered to 'take care' of the problem. Well, it would be rude not to. 

After a mediocre blow job, Craig had left the girl with empty compliments and even emptier promises to call her, as Kenny had suddenly appeared at his side needing Craig's help 'urgently'. A signal from Craig - a tug on his left earlobe, his and Kenny's secret sign - which translated to, 'fucking save me', had alerted the blonde that Craig needed his assistance. 

"Stan's in a bad way, we're going to have to take him home," Kenny had said solemnly. 

"Oh jeez, that's too bad..." Craig did his best Morty impression, looking at the girl apologetically, "Sorry but I gotta go, my friend needs me." 

"Go, it's fine," The girl had smiled in awe at him, like he was about to save her mother from a burning building or something. 

"What's that lassie? Someone's fallen down a well?!" Kenny had joked, as they walked away from the girl, "You're lucky I was looking for you, or you would have been stuck with Kristal all night." 

Kristal! Of course, it was Kristal, ‘It’s Kristal but with a ‘k’ like the Kardashians’, he remembered her giggling at him. Fucking kill me now he had thought. But she was cute and he needed to be distracted. Luckily for him, Token's house was big enough that Craig probably wouldn't run into her for the rest of the night. 

He pulled out his phone, as soon as Kenny had exited the kitchen, glancing up at Stan to make sure that a) the boy was still alive and b) that he wouldn't be caught in the act. Stan had fallen into a drunken stupor - his head was slumped down into his neck and he was drooling unattractively, big dollops of stringy saliva emerging from his lips. His phone was loosely held in his hand on his lap, inching its way to freedom, freedom that came in the form of harsh contact with a hard tiled floor. If Craig was a better friend, he would have taken it out of the drunken boy's hand and put it on the counter for him. But you know. Not his problem. 

It was a quite a good phone, Craig thought. Brand new by the looks of it. The screen would definitely be ruined when it fell. The familiar feeling of fingers scraping against the cracks on a phone screen ghosted his fingertips. He shuddered - he hated the feeling, it went through him, like fingernails on a chalk board. He sighed, placing his phone back into his pocket and reluctantly pulling himself out of his stool. He walked over to Stan, catching the phone as it finally freed itself from the catatonic boy’s loose grip. He placed it on the counter and slowly shook the boy awake. 

"Marsh, come on, you'd be more comfortable on the sofa," Craig said gently.  

Stan babbled some nonsense about rabbits, as his head collapsed into Craig's arm. 

Craig bit-back a grin. 

"Oh for fuck's sake." 

Craig turned at the familiar sound of Wendy Testaburger who had appeared in the kitchen. He could tell that she was drunk but she was in no way the same state as her boyfriend who's weight was currently being supported by Craig. He let his eyes wander over her body in the skin-tight red-sequin dress. She looked smoking hot, you’d have to be blind to not think so. However, it took him all of two seconds to remember what kind of soul lurked beneath and repulsion washed over him. Not even her perfect double d breasts could make up for her personality or lack thereof.  

She had been eyeing Marsh with a look of disgust before she realized who was stood next to her inebriated boyfriend. Her eyes widened, as they both looked at each other uncomfortably. 

They stood in an awkward silence for a while and Craig couldn't help but think they needed to switch places - he still had his hand on Stan's shoulder, whilst Wendy swayed gently in the entrance. She looked like she was thinking hard, like she wanted to say something to Craig and was trying to find the right words. They hadn't been alone together since that night in the car, the night he broke her heart. Craig hadn’t allowed himself to be caught alone with the raven-haired girl after that - even if that meant diving into an empty classroom or doing a 180 and taking the scenic route to class. 

Wendy was the first to cut the awkward tension, “Hi," she said curtly.

"Hey," he said, tearing his eyes away from her gaze and looking at fucking anything but Wendy. 

"Con-Congratulations... fourth year in a row, right?" Craig could tell that Wendy was trying her hardest to be nice, and not in the fake way she reserved for so many others. 

"Um, yeah," Craig replied, not wanting to start any kind of conversation. 

Wendy nodded and looked away. 

The silence hung heavy and Craig concentrated on the humming sound coming from Token's oversized fridge. He needed to leave, like immediately. If Kenny was still here, he would have tugged on his left earlobe to be rescued.  

The silence stretched on. 

"Anyways, I'm gonna head home," Craig removed his hand from Stan's shoulder and immediately regretted the decision, as the inebriated boy fell face first off the chair, "Fuck!" 

Craig caught him just in time, before Stan's face made a harsh introduction to the tiled floor. Wendy rushed over to help Craig with her boyfriend who, despite his brief dance with death, was still unconscious. Craig lifted him up and carried him to the sofa. Token, the rich asshole, had such a thing as a sofa in his kitchen. Craig barely had a pop tart in his kitchen. He gently laid Stan down and was surprised at just how delicately he handled his former arch nemesis. Maybe it was because Wendy was watching, maybe it was because he had forgotten the reason why he hated Marsh in the first place or maybe it was because he felt sorry for the boy who had Hitler in a wig for a girlfriend. 

He stood up and turned to leave, almost knocking into Wendy, who was stood directly behind him. She had her arms folded across her chest and her eyes were glassy with tears. She was looking off to the side, like it was too painful to look at Craig. Fuck. He didn't need this. Not now. Not ever. 

He had dreaded this moment. She was going to ask him what the reason was. He didn’t know. If he knew why himself he would have told her at the time. Even having 7 months to think through why she wasn’t good enough for him bore nothing but self-resentment for why he humored dating her in the first place.  

Before he had a chance to make a shit excuse and bail, Wendy finally found her voice. She choked two words out like they were poison, like she needed to expel them from her body, but Craig could tell they were laced with jealousy, humiliation and hurt. 

"Why her?!"  

Shit. He hadn’t expected her to say that.  

She managed to look Craig in the eye, as she swallowed hard, a single tear escaping from her right eye and falling down her cheek. 

Craig didn't know how but he knew she wasn't referring to Kristal. 

 

**********

 

LuluTweek's profile reads:

**_Lulu ~ 17 ~ Coffee Whore ~ Cosplay Nerd ~Wonderfully Weird~_**  

She follows 414 people and has over 10,000 followers. That's a lot of fucking followers, Craig thinks. 

Her most recent post is a picture almost identical to Kyle's group photo of the Harry Potter nerds, except she has used a different filter and way too many Harry Potter hashtags including #YoureAWizardHarry and #HarryDidYouPutYourNameInTheGobletOfFire neither of which Craig gets. The picture has already been liked over a thousand times. 

The next photo really catches Craig's attention,  it's a predominantly black and white photo with a splash of red. It makes him think of that film, Sin City. The red color is on the soles of Tallulah's extremely high stilettos and the lipstick she is wearing. The camera angle is like something from an editorial fashion magazine. It's looking up at her, making her legs seem longer than they are, as she leans against a glass table. She is wearing a black playsuit that is cut low at the front. The shadow of her cleavage indicates that her small breasts are keeping the fabric in place. She has her hair up in a messy ponytail and is looking off to the side in a bored way. The photo is captioned, "These is red bottoms, these is bloody shoes." The photo has over 5,000 likes and he isn't at all surprised, she looks sexy as fuck.  

He spends the next hour eyefucking her pictures, including her tagged images, which he is grateful to Kyle Broflovski for tagging her in a photo of her wearing her cheerleading uniform - the one he saw him take on the last game day, when they flirted. He doesn't know how he missed it but isn't surprised at all. He rarely ventures on the redhead's profile. The caption read, "I'm sexy, I'm cute! I'm popular to boot!" and he sees that the blonde has replied with, "I travelled from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort." He didn't know she was from California. It doesn't really make sense, surely she would have a tan or something. 

He saves a few of her photos to look back at but makes sure not to 'like' any of them. He doesn't want her to get any ideas.

 

**********

 

MotherFuckerTucker's profile reads:

_**CT** _

_**17** _

_**Voted No. 1** _

_**Half of SPH Power Couple.**_  

What a pretentious asshole, thinks Tweek. Fucking No.1. Yeah, number one fuckface. She is sat in her bed, lazily scrolling through his photos. She had had a mild heart attack when the follow request from  _MotherFuckerTucker_ came through. She had just finished her turn on Mario Kart, which she had lost, thanks to Kyle, and was doing her best to get him back by filming him whilst he played his turn. 

“Cut it out!” The redhead had screamed at her which only made her giggle harder and move in closer with her phone. 

Suddenly her phone had vibrated with the words, ' _MotherFuckerTucker has requested to follow you_ ' and she had dropped her phone like she had just been electrocuted. 

She had tried to play it off as clumsiness which you know, isn't that hard to do when you fall over nothing at least 10 times a day. Luckily, no one suspected a thing and she had scrambled to pick up her phone to accept the request.  

At first, she was going to simply accept the request and not give him the satisfaction of following him back. But then she thought, actually, she could look even more like she didn't give a shit by following him back. Logically, if she didn't follow him, he would know she was doing it on purpose. But if she just followed back, like zero shits to give, then he would be none the wiser. She was a fucking genius. _Elementary, my dear Watson_ , she said to herself, as she smoked an invisible pipe. 

His latest photo was of him and Kenny, dressed as Wayne and Garth holding a trophy. Craig was grinning broadly at the camera, whilst Kenny was winking with his tongue stuck out. The caption read "4th Year in a row baby! #bestdressed #areyoureadyforthisjelly" 

Ew, she thought. She hated anyone who used the term baby unless they were referring to an infant, you know an actual baby. Or like, whenever Britney used the term. Because she was allowed. Because she was Britney Jean Spears. 

Ew. Definitely ew. Unless he was using the term ironically, like she did with the term 'hun', which she had adopted after seeing those idiots on facebook who have attention seeking statuses that always prompts a, 'U ok hun?' response from one of their airhead friends, and which in turn results in a 'I'll inbox u xxx' comment. Fucking infuriating. 

The more photos she looked at, however, the more she realized he was just definitely one of 'those' guys. You know the 'bro' guys, 'game is life' guys. God dammit. Why couldn't he be cool? Her version of cool at least...which wasn't very cool the more she thought about it. 

Caption aside, however, she couldn't deny how fucking hot he looked. He had his hair down and even though he was wearing the Wayne's World cap, she could still get a good look at his flowing locks. Yummy. 

She went through his other photos, stopping on a shirtless one of him, as you do - it would be rude not to. The selfie which was 5 weeks old and which he had clearly taken in his bathroom after a shower, was so self-gratifying, it actually made her die inside a little bit. He had a towel dangerously low around his waist, with his 'v' lines practically acting as an arrow to his junk. His hair was already tied up in his signature top knot and he had a look of indifference etched on his face, like he had just thought, 'Fuck it, Imma take a shnap of maself'. 

Motherfuckertucker had a fucking banging body, like one of those that you see in men's underwear commercials. Magic Mike realness, she thought.  She kept pinching her screen to zoom in on his abs. Surely they were photoshopped? They had to be. She remembered when she had walked face first into him and thinking he was sculpted by God. Right, so not photoshopped then. He probably didn't know how to use photoshop anyway. Not many 'bros' were down with tech.  

She pinched her screen to zoom in again (you know, just to confirm one last time that his abs, were in fact abs) but her phone did that annoying thing that phones do. It spazzed out, letting go of the picture repeatedly every time she tried to zoom in. She grew frustrated with it and angrily jabbed at her screen until she fucked it royally and double tapped the photo. 

The outlined heart turned red. 

Her face turned white. 

Fuck fuck fuck! 

Fuckity fuck.  

FUCK. 

She felt herself growing instantly hot and her heart started hammering in her chest. What the fuck was she supposed to do? If she unliked it, he would still get the notification, wouldn't he?! What if she unliked it and liked another photo instead - the one of him and Kenny from tonight. That would make sense, wouldn't it? Then he would get the notification but he would think, 'Oh, yeah, she lent Kenny her Garth wig. That's why she has liked my pic...It's a bit weird that she had a Garth wig readily available though.'  

'Well fuck you bro, I can have a Garth wig if I want to have a Garth wig, you wig-wary bastard,' she thought to herself. Half of that trophy practically belonged to her! She made a mental note to comment, 'You’re welcome, bro' on the photo. 

Fuck! Why the fuck was she even alive?! 

She was about to unlike the photo and go for the Wayne and Garth post when her phone vibrated with a notification,  _'Motherfuckertucker likes your photo.'_  

Shit. He was awake. He was on Instagram. He knew that she had zoomed in on his 'v' lines. He could probably see her now, smoking on her invisible pipe whilst eyeballing his real but maybe not so real abs. 

She clicked on her notifications to see which photo of hers he had liked. It was the one of her in her new playsuit and heels. The one which she HAD photoshopped, unlike Mr 'V' Lines - this way to my penis - motherfuckertucker'.  

Photoshop aside (and to be fair she had only made it black and white, leaving the red of her lips and soles of her shoes visible. It's not like she had made her boobs bigger or anything) she knew she looked good in the picture and she was happy that it was that photo he had chosen to like... you know, instead of the one of her dressed as a flawless Draco Malfoy, with the caption, "You’ll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter." 

Shit. She facepalmed. He would see all of her cosplay pictures. He would know how weird she was.  

Kenny didn't seem to mind how weird Marj was. In fact, she was pretty sure that Kenny and Marj were currently banging next door. 

Luckily for her, her house was well built, and she hadn't been subjected to hearing any sex sounds coming from her best friend or her best friend's boyfriend. 

She was happy she could help Marj and Kenny out. Marj had told her how strict her parents were and how she had to be really creative with their sex life. It made sense to let Kenny stay over. It's not like her parents would mind. Her mum would probably offer to buy lube and condoms if she mentioned a boy was staying over.  

She remembered her parents having 'the talk' with her. The memory of which was filed alongside the awkward handjob of three summers ago. She knew that all kids were given 'the talk' by their parents but she very much doubted that other kids were subjected to condom practice on 6-inch dildos ("You could always use your mouth to put them on instead!" Her mum had remarked, before demonstrating said method), a lengthy explanation of how the clitoris worked ("Not many boys know their way around a woman's genitalia, Lulu. You need to be able to tell them what you like," her dad had said with an oh-so-serious expression), and a quick guide to fetishes including S&M. Her parents had reminded her to always use a safe word, "ours is 'flat white," they had told her. Brilliant. So her parents were into bondage. That was an image she desperately needed etched permanently onto her skull...Jesus Christ. And their safe word was coffee-related. Of course, it fucking was. She had never ordered a flat white again. 

She knew that her parents wouldn't bat an eyelid if they knew her best friend had used one of their guest rooms to bang her boyfriend in. It's not like they got any other kind of use. In fact, none of the beds in her house had seen any action. Her parents were never home and it's not like she used hers for anything other than snoozing in or eating junk food whilst binge-watching Netflix in. The only thing that would disappoint her parents would be the fact that it wasn't Tweek getting jiggy in the beds instead. 

Anyway, Marj had promised to 'wash the sheets' the next day and fill Tweek in on her sexcapades, so that Tweek could live through her and understand what it was like to have an active sex life. 

Marj had already recounted some juicy tales, like how her and Kenny's favorite thing to do was to see how naughty they could get right under her parents' noses. Apparently, one of Marj's fetishes was giving Kenny awkward boners and seeing how he would react in situations.  

For someone who wore pink every day, had a Hello Kitty backpack and seemed like butter wouldn't melt, Marj was frightfully experienced when it came to the art of sex. Even though Tweek had watched Sex and the City hundreds of times, she was still lacking in the knowledge that came with the exchange of fluids. So Marj filled in the blanks for her. The stuff they don't tell you on screen. The nitty gritty, so to speak. 

She couldn't help the horrified look she had pulled when Marj had told her about the time she had sneezed after sex and semen had catapulted out of her and onto the bed sheets. Kenny had found it hysterical, apparently. Tweek couldn't think of anything worse. She had heard of people accidentally peeing when they sneezed but never... that. Jesus! Why did people even have sex? 

"So like... it just seeps out of you?" Tweek had asked after Marj had filled her in on how semen and gravity worked. 

"Yeah. I mean, you can go to the bathroom afterward, and you know, pee. That helps. But sometimes, I really can't be bothered, you know?" Marj had replied. 

Tweek had nodded but didn't have a Scooby Doo what she was on about. 

There was also the topic of queefs. 

"It depends what position you do. Doggy-style is bad for them," Marj had said knowingly, "But boys don't really care...it's not like you can help it." 

Tweek could help it. Tweek could and would remain a virgin for the rest of her life if it meant that she could avoid farting out of her vageen. 

It's not that she hadn't thought about having sex. Quite the contrary. She thought about it a lot. Like when she was walking down the hallway and spotted couples, she imagined them having sex. Like not there and then, because that would be weird, and she didn't want to get caught out staring at people as she imagined them bumping uglies in the corridor. Because what face would that conjure up? But you know, she couldn't help but think that people...many people had, like, sex. They, you know... just had it. Sex was a thing that people had. Like freckles or tacos. 

Kenny and Marj had sex. Stan and Wendy had sex. Craig and Wendy had had sex. 

She imagined Craig and Wendy grinding together. His perfect abs, her massive tits. A tangle of ebony hair.  Bleurghhh. 

She allowed her imagination to replace Wendy with herself. The thought of Craig on top of her, his perfect abs rubbing against her, running her fingers through his long hair, queefing out of her vageen. 

Eurghh. 

She decided that if she ever had sex, she would have to do it to music that would drown out any unexpected queefs.  

But what song though? She'd have to put a random playlist from Spotify on and leave it up to the song gods to decide. Knowing her luck something like, 'Things, can only get better,' would come on, even if she wasn't even on a 90s playlist. 

Also, what if you started moving to the beat unintentionally? Like by accident? Like what if the Macarena came on and the boy's thrusts went with it and after every chorus, you had to change direction. Wait why would the Macarena come on, when she had already said she didn't want any 90s songs playing? She made a mental note to cancel her Spotify subscription. Under reasons why she was canceling, she would comment, 'I have asked you repeatedly not to play 90s songs. I've just lost my virginity to  _'Cotton Eyed Joe'_ and I'm not fucking happy. 

She wondered what it would be like to have sex with Pete. It would probably be an awkward affair, wouldn't it? Would he stop every third thrust to flip his bangs? That would probably be worse than Macarena sex. Wait, did goths even have sex?  

She was about to google 'goth sex' but stopped herself just in time. What would fucking come up if she googled that?! Probably bondage. Gothic bondage. Gothic safe word required bondage. 

She shuddered. Thoughts of her Dad in a gimp mask being whipped by her mom sprung to mind. 

Fuck, she could actually murder a flat white right about now.

 

**********

 

**Bae <3 1.59pm**: Jesus fucking Christ dude, u need 2 c this house 

**Craig 2.01pm:** How was shower sex? 

**Bae <3 2.01pm:** Steamy. 

**Craig 2.01pm:**  Are you still there? 

**Bae <3 2.02pm: **Yeah, Tink has gon out 4 the day, said we cud stay as long as we want. How was the party? 

**Craig 2.02pm:** I left about 10 minutes after you. Stan was wasted. 

**Bae <3 2.03pm: ** shit u don’t say!? I am shook. 

**Bae <3 2.07pm:** Seriously tho. This house. Thers a Ford Thunderbird in the garage like 1 from the 60s, fukin mint condition. 

**Craig 2.08pm:** Cool. 

**Bae <3 2.08pm:** She has the sweetest games set up 

**Craig 2.09pm:** Cool. 

**Bae <3 2.09pm:** U should cum over 

**Craig 2.10pm:**  Nope 

**Bae <3 2.10pm:** Y u tryna fight it 

**Craig 2.11pm:**  I'm not fighting anything 

**Bae <3 2.11pm:** Yeh ok. Enjoy jerking it to her Instagram 

Craig sent the middle finger emoji back. He hated that Kenny knew him so well. He'd already jerked off to her images that morning.  

He had been secretly thrilled that she had liked one of his photos. And not just any of his photos, one of him half naked AND from 5 weeks ago. Definitely done by accident. She didn't strike him as the type of girl to be so upfront about things. Not like his other admirers. He had debated whether or not to slide into her DMs with a 'quit perving on me' message, the thought of her turning bright red as she read it, made him smile, but he decided not to be so cruel. 

Instead, he opted for liking one of her photos. It was only fair. He was still looking forward to teasing her about the accidental 'like' at their lockers. He couldn't resist watching her get flustered and more than likely storm off, she was really cute when she was trying to be mad.

He wondered how things had gone on her 'date' with the goth boy. Wendy had delighted in telling the lunch table on Thursday how fucking cute the pair had looked together in the coffee shop. She had made sure to direct the finer details at him, like how the blonde seemed really into the goth boy.  

He couldn't help but think that Wendy knew he liked Tallulah, but he didn't know how she had figured it out. He had been very careful not to give anything away. Well, he thought he had been careful but then again, Kenny had seen through him. But then again, Kenny could read him like a book, always had been able to.  

He had pretended not to listen intently at the lunch table, as Wendy ranted on about how they were a 'match made in heaven.' Yeah right. Instead, he had turned to Kenny to plan their Halloween costume. Unfortunately, he couldn't shake the unsettling thoughts of the blonde and the goth boy in a passionate embrace. He didn't like to think about it. 

 

 

*********

She had agreed to meet Pete at the movies on Sunday to see Darren Aronovsky's latest film, 'Mother'. 

She wasn't as nervous as she had been on the day of the coffee shop date, and had managed to talk herself off the ledge, long before she started googling 'bailing on a date' excuses again. However, the crippling anxiety she felt at acknowledging that this was their second date, reared its ugly head, and she was physically shaking by the time she had parked her car. 

Pete was waiting for her outside the theatre. He had already bought the tickets which she thought was sweet but at the same time, she also suspected that she would have to give him something in return. She remembered the chocolate bar payment for the handjob. Pete wasn't expecting a sexual favor in return for the tickets, was he? What if he was going to cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn bucket to stick his nob through, and then ask her if she wanted some? What if she unintentionally grabbed hold of his popcorn dick during the film. Jesus, that would be unsanitary. He should at least give her the courtesy of telling her that there was a dick lurking in the bucket before she ate any. What if she mistook his semen for butter? Could you get pregnant from ingesting popcorn dick semen butter? What is she gave birth to a corn on the cob goth baby. What the fuck would that even look like? 

Shit. She would buy the popcorn just in case - to minimize the risk of finding a penis in it. And she wouldn't get any butter on it just to be extra cautious, in case Pete sneezed and catapulted semen into the bucket and she didn't know what was butter and what was semen. 

Actually, she would have bought the snacks anyway, as it was only fair - she didn't want him to think she one of those girls who expected to have everything paid for. Even though her parents did pay for everything for her....including six-inch dildos and condoms...but that was different.   

It was pretty empty, as was to be expected on Sunday afternoon. They sat at the back which she thought was a bit odd considering they had their pick of any seat in the theatre. She would have definitely chosen middle seats but maybe, Pete liked the back row? She herself was antisocial but maybe he just took it to another level?  

She had the popcorn bucket placed firmly in her lap so that Pete's penis could not suddenly appear amongst the kernels of popped corn, and that is where it remained. Obviously, she shared it with Pete, but he was in no danger, it wasn't like a rogue vagina would appear in the bucket. Certainly not hers. How the fuck would she even manage that? 

She had read several reviews about the film and knew that it was a psychological thriller with several jumpy parts, which was problematic for Tweek who was already a nervous wreck as it was. Even with the aid of anxiety medication, she still felt on edge. 

Halfway through the film, Pete had reached for her hand, the touch of which startled her so much that she had biffed the popcorn bucket into the air like a volleyball, which had scared Pete shitless. He quickly retracted his hand, as the mass of half sweet, half salted popcorn but no penises rained down on them. He didn't try to hold her hand again after that.

 

**********

 

"What did you think?" Tweek said, as they walked out of the theatre and down the sidewalk. She watched as Pete lit a cigarette. 

"Yeah, um, it was really good," Pete replied, taking a long drag of his cancer stick. 

"Yeah. I like Jennifer Lawrence she-" Tweek stopped midway through her sentence at the touch of Pete's hand on her arm which made her jump about 3 ft in the air. Seriously, she needed to start wearing a sign around her neck like those dogs did. The ones that said, 'I am nervous' on them. She watched as he stepped towards her and her heart stopped beating. Shit, she wasn't ready for this. She nearly collapsed with relief when she realized he was just extracting a piece of popcorn that was stuck in her hair, "Oh," she said. 

"Yeah." Pete twirled the piece of popcorn in his fingers, taking another drag of his cigarette and looking her straight in the eye, "That was...well...that was something." 

"Sorry," Tweek began nervously. She couldn't help but think how close they were and the intense eye contact was putting her on edge, "I, um,  scare easily." 

"Yeah... I noticed," Pete turned his head to exhale a long stream of smoke and, smirked at her with a flip of his bangs, "The quickest I think I've ever seen anyone waste 8 dollars." 

"Ahhh but you can't buy memories," Tweek said. Why did she say that!? That wasn't a memory she would look back on fondly. When she was 80, sat in a rocking chair, thinking of the time she had launched a bucket of popcorn because a goth had touched her hand and saying to herself, 'Well I've had a good life...even if I am an 80-year-old virgin, at least a goth touched my hand.'  

Pete looked at her strangely, "I guess not..." He said with another flip of his bangs and another drag of his cigarette. 

Bollocks. She needed an out of this awkward interaction. This was only their second date, her second date ever, and she didn't want to get ahead of herself. She'd had enough excitement for one day. Plus being around cigarettes pissed her off. She couldn't stand the smell of them. 

She knew he smoked but you know, didn't expect him to whip one out in front of her. Didn't he know the dangers of secondhand smoke? Her lungs were pure (well apart from the occasions when she had smoked weed) and she didn't want them tainted by some Malboro fucking Lights thank you very much. 

She didn't understand the appeal of smoking cigarettes. Like yeah, it looked cool and everything but what was the fucking point? It's not like they did anything. Not like smoking weed did. At least that mellowed you out and made everything taste fucking amazing. Cigarettes just made your breath bad, your fingernails yellow and your stamina shorter. 

He finally finished his smoke and flicked it from his hand, smushing it under one of his gothic boots.  

Oh. So he didn't mind littering either. How fucking rude. 

"Ok then-" she began, ready to stage exit left but before she could muster a farewell, Pete surged forward and smashed his lips against hers. 

Her eyes flew wide with surprise. Fuck! She hadn't expected that. She looked at the goth who had his eyes scrunched shut with concentration and realized that she should probably close hers too, as it would be really awkward if he opened his to see her gawking at him. Plus she was pretty sure she would look cross-eyed and that wasn't a good look on anyone. So she closed her eyes and prayed to Jesus to see her through this.  

He rested his hands on her hips which made her jump slightly, as is tradition but she went with it anyway. She didn't really know what to do with her arms... was she supposed to put them on his hips too? Would that look odd though? She was thinking too much about the situation and her arms hung awkwardly at her side, like an orangutan. She was deciding what to do with them but before she could commit to a pose, she felt Pete's tongue prodding her mouth. Not wanting to be the frigid bitch that she knew she was, she opened her mouth and granted him access, responding in the way she remembered, from her last kiss at summer camp three years ago. Shit had it been that long since she had kissed someone? Luckily it was like riding a bike. Riding a goth. Fuck, no, she didn't mean that. No one was riding anyone. Thoughts of queefs, popcorn dicks and seeping semen crept into her mind. 

He tasted like cigarettes and because she was not a smoker, it was not a pleasant experience. She thought of that scene in Forrest Gump: 'I'm sorry I ruined your New Year's Eve party, Lieutenant Dan. She tastes like cigarettes,' and laughed into his mouth. Actually laughed. Into his mouth. Like a hearty chuckle, not even a snigger. 

He stopped and pulled away. 

"Sorry, I, um, I was just..." Tweek stammered, she had turned bright red and was clutching at straws to find a viable excuse as to why she had just full on guffawed into the goth boy's mouth, "I'm just..um, nervous, I guess."  

That's right, go for the sympathy vote, she thought. It's not like she could say, "You taste like cigarettes,” in her best Forrest Gump accent. She giggled again at the thought. Why did her brain work like this? 

Pete smiled kindly, "It's ok. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess." He flicked his bangs out of his eyes one final time and lent forward to peck her on the lips. 

Fuck it was awkward. As soon as he had pulled back she scuttled to her car as fast as she could. She let her fingertips ghost her mouth where the lipstick had been smudged by Pete's overkeen lips.  She couldn't decide if it was a bad kiss or not. Not that she had much to compare it to or anything. The taste was bad but had he not just polished off a cigarette, it probably would have been kind of nice.  

Shit. What was she going to do? She didn't know if she liked him in that way or not. But then again, what did she expect. It was their second 'date' after all. And she had agreed to it, so she must like him a little bit? Had she led him on? What did she think would happen? Oh my god! Is that why he chose back row seats?! He had tried to hold her hand... maybe he was going to try and kiss her too, if Tweek hadn't launched the popcorn towards the ceiling. Shit. She needed to think things through. She needed to figure shit out, instead of fantasizing about awkward gothic bondage sex and queefing on boys with perfect abs. She groaned. 

The taste of cigarettes lingered in her mouth. 

 

*********

 

"So how was the party?" Kyle asked shoving a fry in his mouth. 

"Eurgh. I can't remember much..." Stan sighed. He had the hangover from hell and had dragged Kyle to McDonald's with him for some much-needed junk food, "Wendy's pissed at me though. That I do know." 

"What's new?" Kyle shrugged. 

Stan raised his eyebrows in agreement. "How was your party, anyway? It looked fun from your story," he bit into his Big Mac, "Mmmm, so fucking good." He said, through a mouthful of beef, cheese and bread. 

Kyle smiled, "It was really fun actually." 

"Yeah? Even dressing up as a wizard?" Stan smirked at him, ketchup had fallen on his chin. 

"You know...I didn't actually mind it in the end...dude, how do you get this messy?" Kyle threw a napkin at his best friend. 

"So what did you get up to?" Stan had half-heartedly wiped the ketchup from his chin, although he know had lettuce stuck to the side of his mouth. 

"Just hung out, you know? Played games, watched a movie, the usual." 

"Played games eh? Truth or dare? 7 minutes in heaven?" Stan teased, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

"Not those kinds of games, dickwad," Kyle grinned, "Although, you know, I wouldn't turn down 7 minutes with Tweek." 

Stan grimaced and it didn't go unnoticed by the redhead, "What? Why'd you pull that face?" 

"Um, you know she's going out with Pete Thelman, right?" Stan said hesitantly. He didn't want to bullshit his friend and had been wanting to tell him before Kyle made an idiot out of himself. He was just trying to find the right moment. 

Kyle's jaw almost hit the table, "What?! Pete fucking Thelman?! Are you fucking kidding me?!" He remembered the goth boy approaching him at his locker and asking him about Tweek. Fuck. He didn't think he'd actually act on it. 

"Yeah, she went for coffee with him. Wendy and Bebe saw them. They said they looked cute together and that you could tell that she was, you know, into him." 

Kyle's appetite suddenly went out the window, as he processed what Stan had just said to him, "Fuck, dude." 

"I know," Stan sighed. He hated seeing his best friend hurt. This was the first girl he had admitted to liking, like ever. 

Kyle was mad at himself. He was mad at himself for not making a move on her first. But he was mad at her too. Hadn't she been flirting back? She must know he liked her! How could she get with Pete fucking Thelman? 

"Dude, it was like one date, it probably won't go anywhere," Stan offered kindly. He was already regretting dropping the bomb on his best friend. 

"It's not the point though is it?" Kyle snapped. 

Stan knew how easily angered the redhead got and proceeded with caution, "Look. Why don't you just tell her, you like her?" 

"Nope." 

Stan bit his lip, not knowing what to say next. They ate in silence for a few minutes. Kyle's appetite had returned and he was angrily jabbing his fries into ketchup in frustration. Stan thought he probably shouldn't have said anything, it was just 'coffee' after all. 

"It's just... " Kyle offered after a few awkward minutes had passed by. The tone in which he said it alerted Stan to the fact that he had calmed down significantly. That was the thing with Kyle, he would blow up over the slightest thing but could instantly calm himself down. It seemed his rage had turned into bitter disappointment. He sighed in frustration, "You know?" 

Kyle had never been good at putting his feelings into words but Stan understood what he meant. He'd been there. He got it. He nodded at his bestfriend, "I know, dude."

 

**********

 

"Okay split into groups of two and collect your materials from me," their Biology teacher, Mrs Anderson, announced. 

Tweek looked over at Kyle expectantly, hoping that they would be partners for the experiment. Kyle was awesome at Biology and was always helping her with her homework. He was a good friend.  

"Um, I always partner with Kevin," Kyle said without looking her in the eye. 

"Oh," Tweek said, trying to mask the disappointment from her voice, "Um, yeah, that's cool."  

It wasn't cool. She didn't know anyone else in her class well enough to sidle up to them. She watched hopelessly as Kyle moved over to Kevin Stoley who looked surprised to see him appear at his bench. Her eyes scanned the room desperately, as the teams of two started to form rapidly. Fuck. 

"Tallu-Tweek, "Do you want to partner with Craig?" Mrs Anderson asked kindly over the hustle and bustle of scraping chairs and moving bodies. 

Oh fuck. No. No thank you.  

Mrs Anderson had clearly taken pity on her for still being relatively new. She glanced over her shoulder at Craig, who hadn't moved from his seat and was looking right at her. When their eyes met, he threw her a really fake cheesy grin. She turned her head back to the teacher and smiled the smile that you reserve for relatives you've never met who try and kiss your face upon first introductions, you know, the 'I'd rather die' smile. 

"Sure." 

Reluctantly, she left her seat and made the short journey to Craig's bench, making sure to keep her eyes firmly planted on the floor and not on his abs. 

"Howdy," he said to her, still grinning like a fucking moron. She looked up at him like she could smell bullshit....'Howdy?'...Really? 

"Um, Yeah, hi." She said in return, moving her eyes to focus on the desk. 

"Go get the stuff," he demanded.

"You go get the fucking stuff!" She snapped back, turning her head and glaring at him.  

Who the hell did he think he was?  Ordering her about like she was his slave. He might be used to his groupies pandering to his every whim but he could fuck right off if he thought she would humor his arrogant asshole behavior. She remembered his Instagram profile: 'Voted number one... you'll be number 45 once I punch you in the fucking face,' she thought to herself. 

He bit back a smirk, "But you didn't say please?"  

God, he was infuriating. 

"Neither did you!" 

"You're wasting time. Just go get the stuff," he said coolly, like she was being difficult. She narrowed her eyes at him. 

They eyeballed each other determinedly, neither giving into the other's demands. 

"Tweek, do you want to come and collect your materials?" Mrs Anderson shouted over the hustle and bustle. 

Oh for fuck's sake. She turned her head towards her teacher and smiled the 'I'd-rather-die' smile at her, "Sure," she said again. She knew that Craig was back to grinning that stupid cheesy grin of his but she didn't give him the satisfaction of looking at him, as she peeled herself from her seat and made her way to the front of the class. However, she was sure to flip him off behind her back as she went. She returned and dumped the stuff onto the desk and noticed that Craig was smirking. He was such a jerk. 

They worked in silence for a long time, Craig took charge of the experiment and seemed to know what he was doing which she was secretly glad about, as she hadn't been listening. Biology wasn't her strongest subject. Instead of concentrating on the experiment, she kept glancing over at Kyle, who was hard at work with Kevin. She secretly hated him a little bit for the situation she was currently in. 

"Pass me that tube," Craig demanded. 

She turned her head to look at him, "But you didn't say please?" She imitated his voice perfectly. 

He looked up at her with the faintest of smiles dancing on his lips and stared her out. She sighed and passed him the tube. 

"So, why don't you like being called Tallulah?" He asked, without looking up from the experiment. 

She cocked her head at him. Was he actually asking her something about herself? 

"Um...I used to get teased for it." 

"How so?" 

"Have you ever seen Bugsy Malone? You know... 'My name is Tallulah!'" She burst into song forgetting about who she was singing to or where she was. Luckily, the class was noisy enough to mask her broadway outburst. 

He stopped what he was doing and looked up at her with the look he had given her the day he had seen her banging her head against her locker. Like she was mental, "Can't say that I've ever seen it." 

God she was an idiot. She flushed bright red and turned her head away, "Yeah well...um...people used to sing it at me all the time, so I, um, I just go by Tweek now."  

"That's a shame. I like Tallulah, it suits you," Craig said. He had gone back to the experiment and was jotting things down on the worksheet.  

Her jaw almost hit the floor. Was he actually giving her a compliment? Her brain didn't let her absorb that fact and instead of just saying 'thanks', she blurted out, "You like it?!" 

"Yeah I like it. You know, in the way someone would  _like_  a 5 week old, half-naked picture of someone on Instagram kind of way." 

She felt her heart fall out of her butt. 

Fuck. 

She wondered if you could die from embarrassment, like actually die. Like self-combust or just drop dead. Because she could have happily died right then and there. Literally. She'd had a good life right? Maybe she didn't need to see 80. Maybe she could die a 17-year-old virgin instead. She still had the memory of launching the popcorn bucket at the touch of a goth anyway. What difference did it make?  

She stood there like a lump of cheese, not knowing what to do or what to say. She opened her mouth and closed it, a fair few times, looking like a shit goldfish, as her brain wasn't working. She couldn't for the life of her think of an excuse or you know, literally anything to say to him. She was quite annoyed at her brain. Her weird and wonderful brain that allowed her to think of popcorn dicks and homophobic cows in drag but didn't allow her to conjure up a witty retort when the chips were fucking down. Fuck. 

He looked up at her smirking that stupid fucking smirk of his and she just looked back at him gormlessly. Like a deer in headlights. Scrap that, like a goldfish in headlights. What would a goldfish be doing on a highway though? And surely it would just go under the car. Unless it was in a bowl...of course it would have to be in a bowl! It needed water to breathe. But then how did it get there? Someone must have placed it there. Like those horrible people who tie dogs up to the side of the road and abandon them. She bet people had dumped goldfish and their bowls too, right? Oh wait...they'd probably just flush unwanted fish down the toilet and keep the bowls for like potpourri or something. You couldn't exactly do that with a dog though, could you? Maybe with like one of those teacup breeds... 

She shook herself out of her daydream, willing herself back to reality. Her brain finally kick-started like someone had just rebooted Windows 95. Somehow she managed to return his smirk and say, "Yeah totally, like in the way someone would request to follow your private profile so they could stalk - I mean 'like' your photos." 

Game, set and match, dickhead.  

She watched as he held his tongue against his teeth, still smirking at her, obviously thinking of something clever to say back. But she had clearly won the war. If this was the 2009 VMAs, he would be Taylor and she would be Kanye, 'Imma let you finish but you followed me first, ya prick.'

 

**********

 

She spent the rest of the week avoiding Pete and Craig and being avoided by Kyle.

"Have I done something?" She had asked him, after cheerleading practice when he had turned down her offer of a ride home. 

"No!" He had said way too quickly to be believable. 

"You sure?" She didn't believe him at all. He was definitely being weird with her. 

"Yeah, honestly. It's just, you know. I'm just stressed with, like, college applications and stuff," He said awkwardly, not quite meeting her eyes. 

She had accepted the explanation and hadn't pushed for more. Maybe she just didn't understand the pressure he was under. She wasn't really fussed about college, she knew her dad expected her to go and major in Business but she just couldn't bring herself to think of her future, not when she had only just started to get her life back on track. 

She had told Pete she was busy all week which wasn't technically a lie but wasn't technically the truth either. With cheerleading practice and binge-watching her favorite TV shows, she had very little time to spare for cigarette induced kisses. She also hadn't decided what to do about the situation. It wasn't that she didn't like him. It was just that she didn't like him, like him, you know? 

The week went by quite swimmingly until Thursday, when the shit had hit the fan. It was at Thursday night's cheer practice that she remembered what she had agreed to a week earlier. Nichole had collared her in the changing rooms to remind her of Token's party after tomorrow's game. 

"You're still coming, aren't you?" The pretty brunette had asked her eagerly. 

Unfortunately, she didn't have an excuse to hand and couldn't think of anything on the spot, as her brain had decided to flat line on her again. Also, it was because of Nichole that Wendy had stopped giving her such a hard time. And for that, she was immensely grateful. So she nodded and smiled at the brunette, agreeing to something else that she didn't want to do... again. 

Which is how she found herself sandwiched in between Jenny Simmons and Kelly Pinkerton in the back of Nichole's car on a Friday night. She had asked Nichole what she should wear to the party and Nichole had told her that people went all out. So she had slipped on the Valentino playsuit and Louboutin heels. Dress to fucking impress she thought. She was also wearing a lot more makeup than usual. 

"God damn, Tweek. You look smoking!" Nichole had shouted to her as she walked to the car. She had probably broken all of South Park's speed limits racing home after the game (which they had won) to rapidly change. However, she needn't have bothered as Nichole and friends liked to rock up fashionably late to Token's parties. Like three hours late. 

Even though Token's house was just a few doors down from her own, Nichole had insisted on picking Tweek up, so that she didn't have to walk in alone. Next to Marj, Nichole was becoming a rapid favorite of Tweek's. 

They pulled into Token's driveway with a smile from the security guard who obviously recognized Nichole, and ambled up to the door. 

Nichole lead the way into the party confidently, with Kelly, Jenny, Sally and Tweek in tow. It was heaving, there was literally bodies everywhere, grinding to the obnoxiously loud house music that was being pumped through four huge speakers in Token's living room. 

"What do you want to drink!?" Nichole shouted over at Tweek. 

"Nothing! I'm fine!" She had neglected to tell the brunette about her medication. She didn't want anyone to feel weird around her or think she was like a basket case or something. 

She followed the girls into the kitchen anyway, watching them help themselves to the abundance of alcohol spread over the counters. As soon as they had got their drinks, Sally, Kelly and Jenny disappeared into the crowded living room. 

"I'm going to go and find Token, will you be okay?" Nichole had asked Tweek.  

No, would she fuck be okay, she knew no one.  _Please don't leave me_ , she thought selfishly. Instead, she smiled and said, "Yeah, honestly - I'm gonna go and mingle like a Pringle soon!" 

She wished her brain could function normally for once in her fucking life. 'Mingle like a Pringle' - are you serious right now? At least she still had the ability to shock herself. Even she couldn't believe what fell out of her mouth sometimes. 

Luckily, Nichole laughed at her response, gave her a light hug and shimmied away into the living room. 

Well fuck. How long is acceptable before Christian Bale-ing home, she thought to herself. Twenty minutes? She walked around Token's kitchen which wasn't so dissimilar to her own. Hers was bigger though. Not that she was bragging or anything, but you know, in the grand scheme of things she would win the, 'how big is your kitchen' argument. Not that there ever would be such an argument but if there was, she could confidently say, she would win it. 

Fuck she was boring. This was a bloody high school party and she was stood on her own in a kitchen comparing length and frigging volume.  

"Alright, darling? What brings you here?" She looked up to see Millie standing with a beer in hand, looking quite flushed, like in a 'I'm definitely steaming drunk' kind of way. She was wearing casual clothes, like what she usually wore to school and Tweek felt like a fucking moron next to her. Scrap that, Tweek felt like a hooker in comparison. 

"Millie! Thank fucking god, I know no one!" Tweek almost speared the girl to the floor in excitement. 

Millie laughed, "I find that hard to believe! You're a freaking cheerleader!"

"Yeah and a very anti-social one at that," Tweek confessed. She was so relieved to see her. So, so relieved. 

"Fuck me! How do you walk in them?" Millie had clocked her shoes and was eyeing her up in awe, "Jesus Christ! I thought you looked taller...but I didn't know whether that was just the beer making me see shit." 

Tweek grinned. Millie didn't need to know that she had had plenty of practice walking in heels. Practice that came in the form of walking around her large house on her own, pretending that she was actually walking on the Paris Fashion Week catwalks. God, she was pathetic. Maybe coming to this party wasn't such a bad thing after all. 

"What's your poison then?" Millie asked her. 

"Oh, I don't drink."  

"Is THAT why there was no alcohol last week!?" 

"Don't tell me you need it to have a rootin' tootin' good time," Tweek laughed. Fuck. Maybe she should have taken her mom up on the offer to buy her liquor. Was her party terrible? Did playing Mario Kart and Head's Up not fulfill the criteria of a good time? 

"Nah, it was fun, we should do it again," Millie slurred. 

"Yes definitely!" Tweek sounded far too eager for her own good. She hadn't recovered from seeing someone she knew. 

"Right, I'm gonna go and find...you know," Millie nodded knowingly at Tweek. 

Tweek did not know, "Find who?" 

"I can't tell you that, she- they don't want anyone to know," Millie said in a very serious tone. Like she worked for Men in Black and Tweek already knew too much.  

She thought that Millie was about to whip out the bright flashing memory eraser at any moment, so she quickly said, "Oh...okay," with a smile, pretending that she hadn't heard the 'she' part to Millie's answer. 

"Don't do anything, I wouldn't do," Millie winked, instantly dropping her serious tone, and like so many people before her, disappearing into the throng of sweaty bodies in the living room. 

Maybe Tweek should do the same, it was obviously fun, or people wouldn't be doing it. The living room seemed to draw people in like a moth to a flame. 

She took a deep breath and headed for the dark room. The music was unbearably loud, playing some generic shit that you'd expect to hear in an underground rave. Like a constant beat that never changed. Or if it did, she couldn't tell you when. She regretted leaving the safety of the slightly smaller than her own kitchen instantly and even more so when she clocked Wendy Testaburger. Oh fuck. 

The raven-haired girl, spotted her before she could turn and flee and quickly pushed her way towards Tweek. 

"Hey you! What are you doing here?!" Wendy shouted in her sickly sweet voice. 

"Um...Nichole...invited me!" Tweek shouted back. 

"Come and dance with us, babe!" Wendy grabbed Tweek by the wrist and yanked her through the crowd to where Annie and Bebe were dancing with each other. 

Shit. Dancing. That was a whole different ballgame. It's not like she couldn't dance. Far from it. If the Cha Cha Slide came on, she would have happily cracked out the moves before it was the last time to get funky. But this was different. This was like....awkward. It was like side to side, head bobbing, what the fuck do you do with your arms kind of dancing. It was bad enough if you were tipsy but she was fucking Stone Cold Steve Austin sober. 

She didn't miss the look Annie and Bebe had exchanged with each other, the look of, 'What the fuck is she doing here?' As if she didn't feel uncomfortable enough. She was making the best of a bad situation and imitating the girls dance moves whilst fantasizing about being tucked up in her bed watching an episode of Sex and the City. Maybe if she just excused herself to go to the bathroom and never returned, no one would notice. That happened all the time at parties, right? 

"Drink?!" Wendy shouted at Bebe and Annie who nodded in agreement. 

The head cheerleader took Tweek's wrist once again and led her back into the kitchen. The wonderful, safe, slightly smaller than her own, kitchen. She breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Babe, what you drinking?" Wendy asked her as they sidled up to the counter. 

"Oh, um, I don't drink..." Tweek stammered. Fuck, she was revealing one of her weaknesses to Wendy. Her arch nemesis. Wendy, who might use it against her. Like Lex Luther used Kryptonite against Superman. 

"Why!?" Bebe, Wendy and Annie said in unison, like she had just confessed to clubbing baby seals in her spare time. 

"I, um. I can't...um...because of... my meds," She trailed off and looked elsewhere. 

"Oh! Sorry, sweetie! I had no idea! Here just drink the punch, there's no alcohol in it. I made it myself," Wendy said confidently, thrusting a large cup of the pink liquid into her hand. 

Tweek took a big gulp of the liquid. It was really sickly sweet. Like cranberry, cherry and strawberry mixed into one. It was actually quite nice. 

"Girls, should we have a selfie?" Wendy asked but Tweek instantly recognized the tone as a Wendy Testaburger demand.  

She awkwardly placed herself next to Wendy who held the camera at arm's length to get them all in the shot. They all pouted with that fucking ridiculous duck face that so many basic bitches pulled in selfies. Tweek opted to smile, showing bare teeth, even though she wanted to kill herself. 

After about 109 photos, and she wished she was exaggerating with that number, Wendy had finally taken a photo that she was happy to post on social media, which she did with the caption, 'These girls tho' and the ok hand emoji. Great. She really didn't want to be associated with Wendy's inner circle but here she was in the kitchen, drinking non-alcoholic punch, taking selfies and being one of the 'girls'. 

Wendy made sure to keep Tweek's cup topped up with the sickly sweet punch, throughout their self-indulgent photoshoot. She must have been on her fourth cup, as they made their way back into the living room. She had just started to worry about developing diabetes through ingesting so much of the sickly sweet beverage when the room started spinning. Oh shit. 

"Um... are you sure there's no alcohol in this?" Tweek shouted at Wendy. 

"Honestly babe, I made it myself! Are you okay? Do you not feel so good?" Wendy replied with an overly fake concerned tone. 

Fuck. She needed to sit down. Bebe and Annie exchanged a smirk with each other. 

"I'm just gonna... sit down for a while," Tweek managed to say. The room had begun to stretch and contort, and her legs felt like they weren't attached to her body anymore. 

"Of course babe!" Wendy shouted back, leading her to one of the sofas that was occupied by a couple getting hot and heavy. Tweek plopped herself down, giving zero shits about the serious PDA happening next to her. A song which she finally recognized came on -  Camelphat and Elderbrook's 'Cola', and every beat of the bass rattled through her skull. 

Sitting was definitely better than standing but she still felt fucking awful. She put her head in her hands and closed her eyes, to try and stop the room from spinning, though it only made things worse. She tried to concentrate on the song to keep herself grounded, "See how she looks for trouble..."  

Oh shit, the room started violently spinning. 

"See how she dances and..." 

Her vision started to blur. 

"She sips a Coca Cola..." 

She wanted her bed. She wanted her larger kitchen. 

"She can't tell the difference yet." 

She doesn't remember passing out. Why would she? She also doesn't remember a random stranger's lips against her own, or the hand making its way up her thigh.

 

*********

 

Craig had been outside smoking a joint with Kenny when Cartman had approached them. 

"The new girl is here and she looks smoking hot!" The huge boy had said. 

Craig had tried his best not to react but the slight widening of his eyes hadn't gone unnoticed by Kenny, who smirked at him. 

"Tink's here!? Well, I best go and say hi," Kenny finished the joint, dropping the stump to the floor and putting it out with his heel. "Craig, you coming?"  

Craig glared at Kenny who had already started to make his way inside the house in search of the blonde. He had two options. 1) Stay outside and listen to Cartman rim on about how they fucking destroyed North Park with a play by play account of something he had already experienced, or 2) Go inside and see the blonde he couldn't stop thinking about. Hmmm, decisions, decisions. He bid a quick goodbye to Cartman and followed Kenny indoors. 

He made his way through the living room, searching for the familiar blonde mane of his best friend. He walked past two couples making out on the sofa but didn't pay them any mind. Finally, he spotted Kenny talking to Millie. 

"Have you seen Tink!" Kenny shouted at a clearly drunken Millie. 

"Yeah! In the kitchen!" Millie replied.  

Kenny turned to Craig, "She must have gone already!" he shouted. They had cut through the kitchen which had been empty and unless she was getting it on with someone upstairs, which he doubted, there weren't many other places she could be. 

Kenny spotted Bebe dancing and tapped her on the shoulder, "Bebe, have you seen Ti-Tweek?" 

Bebe's face lit up at the sight of her former crush, "Hey babe! Yeah! Oh-my-god, she's so fucking wasted, she's sat down!" 

Kenny's face dropped, "Wasted!?" he shouted back at her. 

"Yeah, like completely!" She giggled back at him in an overly flirtatious manner. Craig knew that she still held a torch for Kenny. Everyone fucking knew. She was unashamedly obvious about it. 

Kenny turned to his best friend with a concerned look on his face, "Fuck!" He shouted and started pushing his way through the crowd to the sofas, Craig was at his heels. 

The next thing he knew, Kenny was yanking a boy by the back of his shirt off the sofa and to the floor. The dance floor parted, some girls started screaming, the music abruptly cut out. Craig didn't know what the fuck was happening. 

It was only when he looked at the sofa, that he saw her. She was clearly unconscious, slumped against the arm of the chair. She looked more delicate than he had ever seen her. It took him all of two minutes to put two and two together, and suddenly a murderous rage filled him and he turned his attention to the boy on the floor. 

Fortunately for him (and the boy), Kenny beat him to it, straddling the asshole and punching him square in the face. Craig thought he got off lightly, he would have fucking killed him. 

Kenny was yelling obscenities at the boy, as he scrambled to his feet and bolted out the door.  

"What the fuck man, what the fuck is going on?!" Token had appeared to see why a brawl had broken out at his usually peaceful parties. 

"Some asshole was taking advantage of an unconscious girl," Craig managed to say. He was still seething, shaking with fury. 

Token's eyes flew to the sofa and then back to Craig, "Fuck!" 

"We need to get her home," Kenny demanded. 

"Uh-oh, someone can't hold their drink!" Wendy had pushed her way to the front of the crowd and was smirking her evil smirk at Tallulah's unconscious form. 

Bebe and Annie laughed at her pathetic attempt at a joke.

"She isn't supposed to drink," Kenny shouted back at Wendy in an uncharacteristically harsh tone that he rarely used.  

Wendy shut up immediately. 

"How many of these did you fucking let her have?!" Kenny threw the accusation at the raven-haired girl, along with the empty red cup that was at Tweek's feet. 

Wendy scowled, Craig could tell she was about to deny the accusation but the way Kenny had yelled at her stopped her. Instead, she protested, "Well who the fuck drinks the punch at a party anyway? Everyone knows it gets spiked!" 

Kenny looked to Craig knowingly. Craig didn't need Kenny to tell him what he was thinking. Yes, Wendy Testaburger was an evil fucking bitch.  

Craig had thought he had known how awful Wendy was. But this was next level shit. Tweek had almost been assaulted...well she had been assaulted but she could have been....he cringed. He couldn't think about that, the rage built up in him again. If he ever fucking saw that boy again... 

"I'll take her home," he announced, knowing full well that it would piss Wendy off. 

"Do you know which House it is?" Kenny asked. 

"Four doors down, right?" 

"Yeah, you should see her car parked outside." 

Craig nodded and stepped forward, carefully leaning down to pick the unconscious blonde up. She weighed fucking nothing. 

Wendy watched silently with a look of pure hatred etched onto her face. Good, thought Craig. Suffer, bitch. 

He walked delicately through the house with Kenny by his side.  

"Stay with her, man... she isn't supposed to drink... she-um..." Kenny said as they made their way out the front door. He thought about revealing what Marj had told him about Tweek to Craig but it wasn't really his place to do that. 

Craig nodded, "Don't worry, I'll take care of her." 

"I know you will, dude."

 

*********

 

The first thing Tweek thought when she opened her eyes was, 'Fuck. What the hell happened?' Her eyes adjusted to her surroundings and she was relieved to see the familiar posters on her wall. She was home at least. She was in her bed, in her room. Thank Christ. The last thing she remembered before everything had faded to black was standing in Token's kitchen with Wendy, Bebe and Annie, taking selfies. After that, it was literally scene-missing.  

The second thing Tweek thought was that she had never had a headache as painful before in her life. Crikey on a bikey. It was like her heart had taken a vacation to her forehead and set up shop. It was literally pounding. She looked over at her nightstand to see a glass of water and couldn't help but be a little proud of her drunken self who had obviously been considerate enough to plan for the unavoidable hangover. 

The third thing Tweek thought, as she sat up to take a swig of water, was that Craig Tucker was sleeping in her bed.  

Fuck. 

She spat out water all over him. 

His eyes opened immediately, "Well that's one way to wake someone up," Craig said groggily, sitting up and wiping his drenched face with his sleeve. 

Tweek was coughing and spluttering really unattractively and tried to take another drink of the much-needed liquid, if anything, to at least to buy her some fucking time. 

Her mind was racing, shit. Why the hell was he in her bed? Had they done stuff? Had he seen her bits? If she sneezed would semen come flying out? No, surely she would know if they had had sex. Surely she would feel different...sore.... moist even? Eurghh... 

Plus she was still fully clothed, so was he. Maybe they just did some grinding...or mutual masturbation. Was that a thing people did? Her parents had told her all about it when they gave her 'the talk'. She wondered what Craig's safe word was... it was probably 'bro'. 

"How are you feeling?"  

It was like Craig had just clicked his fingers to snap her out of a hypnotized state. And she was back in the room.  

She finally put the glass back down to address him, "Um...like shit." 

"I'm not surpris-" 

"-Did we do anything?" She abruptly cut him off.  

Craig looked confused and slightly hurt, "No?" 

"It's just...I...I can't remember anything....like anything... at all." 

"You were unconscious. No offence but I like my women to, you know...be able to consent," he said, clearly offended. 

'Women', she thought. The plural to woman. She remembered her conversation with Marj, 'He's a bit of a man whore,' her best friend had said about him. 'Women'. Yeah alright Number 1, don't fucking rub it in. 

"Sorry...I didn't...I just don't usually drink...I'm not really supposed to." She looked away awkwardly. 

"Because you can't handle your drink?" Craig teased, trying to lighten the mood. 

"Because alcohol doesn't mix well with my meds," she replied, concentrating on her Jurassic Park poster. Oh fuck! Her meds! Dr Fielding! What fucking time was it?! She grabbed her phone off the nightstand, 9.45am...shit. She would definitely miss her appointment.  

"Something wrong?" Craig was watching her closely. 

"Um...I just, I usually go to Denver on Saturdays." 

"Family?" 

"Therapy." 

Oh, way to lower the tone, Tweek. She watched Craig nod awkwardly in understanding. They sat in an uncomfortable silence, Tweek desperately tried to think of something to say. Something that would top, 'I'm on meds and see a shrink'. Literally, anything would top that. Even asking if Craig had ever heard Wendy queef before. 

"Me and Kenny found you passed out on Token's sofa and I carried you home...I didn't like just want to leave you...you know...on your own, in case something happened." Craig finally said. 

Tweek looked up at him in shock. Had he really done that for her? 

"Oh...Thank you," she said. And she meant it. 

He looked back at her, "You're welcome." 

They stared at each other for a while and before it got awkward again, Tweek blurted out: "Do you want some waffles?" 

He bit back a smile, "Yeah, waffles sound good."

 

**********

 

**Bae <3 10.03am:** Hows Tink? 

**Craig 10.03am:** She's fine. She's making me waffles. 

**Bae <3 10.04am:** Is that code 4 suking ur dick? ;) 

**Craig 10.04am:** It's code for making me fucking waffles. 

Craig lifted his phone up to take a snap of the blonde at the stove. Luckily she didn't notice. He quickly sent the photo to Kenny. 

**Bae <3 10.05am:** Saucy. Txt me l8r xxx 

Craig watched as Tallulah worked her way around the kitchen. She had changed into baggy checked pajama pants and an oversized N*Sync t-shirt. 

"So...do you like live alone or something?" He asked her. 

"Pretty much. My parents work away...a lot." 

"You're lucky." 

"I know" she grinned, as she plated up the waffles. 

She joined him at the breakfast bar and they began to eat in silence. She was absolutely starving. She hadn't eaten since lunchtime the day before which was probably the main reason she had reacted so badly to the alcohol.  

It was a surreal experience, eating waffles with Craig Tucker. But not awkward which she thought it would definitely have been. 

"Was that like...your first high school party?" Craig inquired. 

She was shamelessly watching him eat. He seemed to make everything look pretty. Unlike herself who had just spilled syrup down her chin. She wiped it with a napkin and swallowed her piece of waffle before answering him.

"Yep..."  

"Figures," Craig smirked. 

"How so?"

"No one drinks the punch... well only like the freshmen...to you know...get wasted," he teased. 

"Wendy said it didn't have any alcohol in it," Tweek protested. 

"And you believed her?" He said incredulously. 

"Why wouldn't I?"  

"Because she's a fucking bitch," Craig spat. 

Tweek felt like an idiot. She had told Wendy about her meds and the bitch had still let her drink that sodding punch. A memory of Wendy topping up her cup flashed through her mind. She had done it on purpose. 

"Didn't you like...date her or something?" She couldn't help herself asking him about it. If she was such a fucking bitch, why did he once call her his girlfriend? 

Craig narrowed his eyes at Tweek, "How do you know about that?" 

Tweek shrugged and continued eating her waffles, she didn't like how he was looking at her like she knew something that he didn't want her to know about. 

They ate in silence and Tweek was relieved at how much better she felt afterward. Although she still popped two aspirin to take care of her headache which had subsided to a gentle thump, rather than pounding. 

Once they had finished, she dumped their plates into the dishwasher. 

Fuck what now?  

She hadn't thought about après waffles. She hadn't planned that far ahead. Shit. What was she supposed to do? 

It dawned on her that Craig Tucker was in her fucking house.  

Shit. 

It's not that she hadn't known who she spat water over or ate waffles with. It was just that a full stomach had given her a new lease of life, like Popeye with his spinach, and suddenly, she could function again. 

And Craig Tucker was in her house. 

"So...what are your plans for today?" She asked him. God, she was shit at small talk. She may as well have asked him about the fucking weather.  

"Um...sleep, shower, hang out with Kenny," he replied. 

"Hahaha, same! Um...you know apart from hanging out with Kenny." She had reverted back to awkward Tweek, now that she had been fed and her brain was back to its weird self, she apparently couldn't string a fucking sentence together. 

"Yeah..." Craig looked at her blankly. 

"Um....so like thanks and everything and like...you know sorry for spitting water on you...it's just I've never had a boy in my bed before..." OH MY GOD STOP TALKING. 

Her eyes widened as she realized what the fuck she had just said. 

Craig bit back a grin, "Right." 

She felt herself flush. Yep definitely back to normal. 

They hovered awkwardly in her hallway and she wished she had a butler so that she could turn to Craig and say, "Charles will see you out." That way, she wouldn't have to live through the inevitable and awkward goodbyes. 

But then that would just leave her and the Butler in the house. And she would hate that. It would freak her the fuck out. It was bad enough when the cleaner came round...No, she didn't want a butler, she decided. 

What was she talking about?! There was no Butler...just her...and Craig.  

"Did you ever lock the Butler in the freezer on Tomb Raider?" She blurted out without thinking. 

Craig looked at her dumbfounded, "Where the fuck did that come from?"  

"Um...I was just thinking... you know...like waffles...breakfast....butlers..." Yeah.... that's right, that's how she had made that connection. 

Craig laughed, "Yeah, I mean, who didn't?" 

"Yeah exactly! And tried that cheat to see her naked?" Tweek continued. 

Craig looked at her, like she had just grown seven heads, "Erm...no...no I never did that." 

"Hahaha....me neither." 

God fucking damn it.  

When she dared to look back at him, he was still smirking at her, "Really? You wanted to see a pixelated naked Lara Croft?"  

"Oh fuck you, I was like, nine," she rolled her eyes at him, "And it never worked anyway..." 

"Kenny said you had a sweet games set up," Craig said, still smiling at her. 

"I do, actually."

 

********

 

Somehow, they had ended up back in her room. Sat in the gaming chairs, furiously battling against one another, game after game. 

"I swear to fuck. If you stand on my head one more fucking time, I'll dropkick you in the face," she said, as she watched her Mario get bumped off a ledge and plummet to his death. 

Craig laughed heartedly, "God, you're so aggressive!" 

"Pop my bubble, dick," She replied as she furiously shook her controller. 

"Why do you make everything sound sexual?" Craig replied, as he made his Luigi jump up to release her Mario from his bubble prison. 

"You just have a dirty mind." She was concentrating hard on the screen, "Right...don't run ahead. There's no 'I' in team, remember." 

"Nope...but there is a 'me'" He said, as he jumped on her Mario's head to hoist himself up on a ledge. He watched as her Mario fell to his death...again. 

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" She threw down her controller and launched herself at him. 

They started wrestling on the floor, with Craig letting her have the advantage. He was giggling hard, watching her trying her best to hurt him. She managed to straddle him and pinned his wrists above his head. She glared down at him with triumph. 

"You do know, I could get out of this in a second, right?" Craig grinned up at her. 

"You really underestimate me, Craig," She said cockily. 

He quirked his eyebrow at her and flipped her over, so that he was on top of her, her wrists pinned above her head by his hands. 

"I think I estimated quite accurately," he smirked. 

She struggled in his grasp but he held her in place without even trying. She smirked back up at him, as their eyes locked. 

It was then that she realized how close they were. Just like that time in the tunnel.  

But this wasn't like the time in the tunnel. Because this time, when Craig bent down towards her, he kissed her. 

He didn't taste like cigarettes.

********* 

**Things referenced in this chapter:**

[My Name Is Tallulah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulEG7bd1H60)

[Forrest Gump - She tastes like Cigarettes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S2SHMAxlKk)

[Locking the Butler in the Freezer in Tomb Raider](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxT8ie751rs)

[CamelPhat & Elderbrook - Cola (Song at the party)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fF3f1gwbnvY)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that Kyle didn't feature that much in this chapter - he will have a bigger role in future. Also, let me know of any requests and I'll try and work them into the story - I'm keen to give minor characters a bit of a backstory, like Millie!


	9. Snowflakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh you lovely, lovely people, leaving lovely, lovely comments. Honestly, I can't tell you how grateful I am. I know this isn't a popular genre (Genderbend) so thank you for reading and sticking with it. I'm not really happy with this chapter but I wanted to get something out. It's a very Tweek heavy chapter but there are plans to involve all characters over the next few chapters. Also, we're getting closer to some Tweek smut. Oo er.

By Monday everyone had their own versions of what had happened at the party.

_"Her drink got spiked and she like, almost got raped! But Kenny McCormick saved her! He's like in love with her or something."_

 " _I saw her downing a bottle of vodka in the kitchen - I shit you not! That bitch can drink!"_

_"She left hand in hand with Craig Tucker - I know right!? First, she steals her best friend's boyfriend, then she dumps him for his best friend! What a fucking bitch!"_

_"I saw her doing shots with Wendy, Bebe and Annie - she is SUCH a fucking lightweight, like honestly.”_

_"She was upstairs, fucking a boy from North Park and Kenny was like, so jealous, so he stormed upstairs and kicked his ass - I saw the whole thing!"_

Tweek had become an overnight celebrity. Heads turned to gawk at her as she made her way down the hallway. Out of every rumor that was flying around about her,  her favorite had to be the best friend boyfriend stealer.

"Please could you like slap me and call me a bitch?" Tweek grinned at Marj. They were stood by Marj's locker just before first period. Students were flocking down the hallway, giving the pair not so subtle side-eyes and whispering fervently with one another. 

"Come on! Give the people what they want!"

Tweek usually hated any kind of attention, good or bad, and did her best to blend into the background which is one of the reasons why she didn’t want to be a stupid fucking cheerleader or go to the stupid fucking party in the first place. But Marj had told her that she would be old news soon and that she might as well just enjoy her 5 minutes of fame, like she had when she started dating Kenny. So Tweek thought,  _fuck it_. Go big or go home.

"Hmmm, can it not be, 'You fucking cock-sucking whore'?" Marj replied. She had obviously been informed by both Kenny and Tweek of the real story. Not that she would have ever believed the rumors for a second.

Tweek had told Marj everything she could remember, from measuring the size of Token's kitchen, to being forced into taking selfies with Wendy, and even how she had woken up to find Craig in her bed the next morning. However, she had neglected to tell Marj about the hour-long kissing session. It's not like she didn't want to tell her, it's just that she thought it was like a secret that she should keep to herself or something. 

"Even better,” Tweek said thoughtfully, “And like slam your locker and storm off dramatically.”

“Can do,” Marj nodded, “So I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Yep, I’ll meet you here.”

“Cool. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU COCK SUCKING WHORE!!!!”

Tweek jumped, alarmed at the commitment Marj put into her performance. She couldn't understand how she had failed to land a part in the school's production of  _Death of a Salesman_...Give her a fucking Oscar, thought Tweek. Marj carried out her promise, slapping Tweek across the face, harder than probably intended, and throwing her locker door shut with brute force, before storming away.

The gasps that echoed through the halls sounded like a strong gust of wind, and the silence that followed was like something out of a Western standoff. No one moved. It was like someone had pressed pause or yelled 'freeze!' like in those movies where the protagonist would set the scene. Tweek thought this would be the part where her voiceover would say, _"Yep, that's me - I know what you're thinking, 'How did I get into this mess?'_ Well _let me tell you..."_  before the movie flashed back to like 4 weeks before.

Tweek clutched her cheek and contorted her face in anguish. She felt like she could be in a Spanish soap opera. If she was an extrovert, it probably would have been fantastic, although she had to admit she did actually enjoy the fake-drama. The only thing lacking in the display was that Tweek hadn't had a drink thrown in her face. She wondered what people would say when they saw her and Marj sat smiling side-by-side each other at the lunch table. Not that she cared, she had much bigger problems to deal with... like a certain ebony-haired male that happened to be in her Biology class.

 

********** 

 

She hadn't spoken to Craig since Saturday, since they had had their tongues down each other's throats, since she had felt his erection through his jeans...

The kiss had started with her on her back and Craig on top of her. At first, he had gently placed his warm lips against her own, teasing her with a soft, delicate kiss, that had every nerve in her body standing on end. But then he slowly started to pull away and she was surprised that she hadn't actually blurted out in her best Oliver Twist impression, "Please sir, can I have some more?" She really didn’t want the kiss to end, so she tilted her head eagerly and recaptured his lips. Maybe he was just testing the waters to see how she would take his kiss, as she felt him smirk against her lips, clearly satisfied with her reaction.

She had read in countless novels that a good kiss should make you see fireworks...which is a strange way for your brain and body to react. She thought it might just be like a thing that happened like when you have a stroke and you can smell burnt toast. But in the case of a good kiss, shit started popping off in your head.

She couldn't say that she had seen any fireworks (which would have probably scared her shitless if it did happen), or smelt any burnt toast, but he had made her tingle all over. Like all over. Like down there.... to her 'bits'. She remembered Marj saying how she loved giving Kenny awkward boners and Tweek was so thankful that she didn't have a penis at that moment in time, because if she did, it probably would have taken Craig's eye out. Not that she would have a big penis if she was a boy...or maybe she would...it was a game of chance wasn't it? Or did genetics play a role? If it did, her boy self would be fucked. Everything about her was small...so no doubt her dick would be too...it would probably be like a button mushroom or something.

As the kiss had deepened, as their breathing grew heavier, as their tongues became involved, Craig had gracefully pulled her up into a sitting position and she had gladly responded, straddling his lap and placing her arms around his neck. She had trembled with warmth when he positioned his hands on her waist, melting into his touch, instead of jumping in alarm which she usually did. 

It wasn't like the kiss with Pete. Cigarettes aside, the kiss with the goth had been just fucking awkward, with too much concentration required, but this... this just felt so, so right. 

At one point, Craig had pulled her closer to him and a soft moan had escaped from her lips as their chests and hips collided. And that's when she felt it.

She had turned Craig Tucker on.

She couldn't help the sharp intake of breath that she took upon realization that she had given Craig Tucker a fucking boner. And because of how they were positioned, said boner was pressing against her...her...nether regions...her loins if you will, which was making her feel all kinds of flustered.

She didn't know what to do, she didn't want to stop kissing Craig but she also couldn't stop thinking of his eggplant. Was he expecting them to go further than kissing? She had only ever dealt with one trouser snake in her life and the experience had left her absolutely traumatized. She couldn't put herself through that again, but she was certain that Craig was definitely expecting sex or at least a hand job. He had had girls - plural, she remembered. She could actually now understand why, you know aside from the extremely good looks and everything, he was a fucking fantastic kisser. No wonder girls willingly dropped their knickers for him. It was a miracle that she wasn't currently swinging her own pair around her head.

His hands snaked underneath her t-shirt, making contact with bare skin and it was then that she remembered that she was wearing a fucking N*Sync t-shirt and no bra. The no bra wasn't really an issue. She had small boobs but they were nice and stood up all on their own, without the aide of a bra. They weren't like spaniel's ears or anything, Wendy probably needed scaffolding to keep hers at eye level. But the t-shirt... What the fuck was she thinking when she put it on? Oh yeah, she wasn't thinking... she was hungover, unfed and delirious. It seemed like the right t-shirt choice at the time. But now...well, shit. And it wasn't like it just had N*Sync written on it in a crazy font or something...oh no...it had the full-on fucking band on, complete with a blown up version of Justin Timberlake when he rocked that really questionable fro - the one that made him look like a toilet brush. No. They definitely couldn't go further. She couldn't lose her virginity or do anything sexual when she had JT grinning like a lunatic on her chest. All she could think about was that meme that cropped up every year on the last day of April - the one with JT and his bog-brush hair grinning..."It's gonna be MAY!" 

Craig's hands began to slowly travel up her body and were almost at her braless boobs. She wanted to say, 'Please don't stop but definitely stop because I can't go further, not when I'm rocking Lance Bass et al on my shirt and it's not even the end of April. And if you touch my boobs you are going to be disappointed because they are like an eighth of the size of Wendy's, and also I might self-combust if you do so because I am a virgin in every way possible...including bowling.... It's not that, I mean...it's I'm not that I'm completely inexperienced or anything. Like, I've played bowling on the Wii and I'm told I give a mean handjob. Not mean as in...cruel...like I won't call your dick a button mushroom or anything but mean as in....I dunno...hearty.... you know? I'm that good at them, someone once even gave me a Snickers afterwards which I thought was amusingly ironic because, you know, 'Snickers - Get some NUTS!'' 

He didn't need to know that she had only ever given the one hand job. She could manipulate the figures and tell him a white lie...because as success rates go, she had like a 100% track record. She would use those statistics if he asked... why would he ask though? 'What's your hand job success rate?' '100% sir.' 'Good, you're hired, crack on.' She could feel herself about to laugh hysterically, like she had done with Pete but stopped herself in time. She didn't need a repeat of 'You taste like cigarettes', because Craig didn't taste of cigarettes, he tasted fucking fantastic. The kiss was fucking fantastic and she never wanted it to end...but it had to. Because he had a boner and his hands were millimeters away from her nips which were painfully erect. Plus her loins were aching, and she had moaned like she was a cat in heat. In short, it was a recipe for disaster.

She had almost had a heart attack when Craig's phone had started ringing. The fucker had it on loud and she actually, for like a split second, thought it was his sex alarm going off...like, 'TIME TO FUCK!!' Like the boner had triggered it, in the way smoke triggered a fire alarm. Shit, did she have time to find a none-90s playlist on Spotify? 

They had broken apart panting, Craig quickly removed his hands from her ribs and pulled his phone out of his tight, and she really did mean tight (she now knew why the eggplant had sexual connotations...Craig definitely had an eggplant) jeans to answer.

It was his friend, Clyde, asking what time they were hanging out. Apparently, the guys were getting together that night to order pizza and play poker. Tweek was relieved, if not a little disappointed, that their make out/imminent sex session had come to an end, as her 'loins were aching' and she didn't completely trust herself not to make a stupid decision. Plus the N*Sync crew were still grinning on her shirt which wasn't a good look for sex, so she awkwardly climbed off him, whilst he tried to adjust himself. 

They had shared a rather awkward goodbye not long after, one that would have really benefitted from the presence of a butler. They didn't kiss again, just gave each other fleeting glances. Tweek waved like an idiot and watched him leave. And that was that.

Whenever she thought of the kiss, which she had done often (if she was honest, she had thought about nothing else), her fingers would automatically touch her lips, like she was trying to remember the sensation.

Which is what she was doing as she made her way to Biology. Her heart was in her throat and it was a Christmas miracle (despite it being November) that her legs had managed to carry her there. She was so nervous as she entered the room that she wasn't just shaking, she was practically vibrating.

She had avoided her locker all morning, as she couldn't face running into him. Maybe she was immature but this whole experience was new to her. Sure she had kissed Pete, but she had grinded on Craig...she had even fucking moaned for god's sake... like how they do in porn. Fuck.

All Pete had done (apart from ensuring she knew what cigarettes tasted like) was to try and hold her hand. She was going to have to deal with the whole 'Pete' issue at some point. Now that she had dipped her toe in firework/burnt toast kisses, there was no way she was going back to smokey joe's. But how was she going to tell him? The list of 'people to avoid' was quickly growing. Maybe it was time to move schools again...or was that being dramatic?

The classroom was empty and she quickly sat down in her seat, positioning her bag in front of her, so she could pretend it was like Merlin's handbag when Craig finally walked in... i.e climb into it. 

Kyle entered the classroom soon after she had, but just like last week, he avoided her eye.

"Hey," she smiled at him.

Kyle didn't respond, just dumped his bag on the bench and started taking things out.

"You okay?" she tried again.

Kyle sighed heavily, "Fine." he said, reluctantly and through gritted teeth.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep." He popped the 'p' like he was annoyed, like when you're mad at someone but you pretend not to be, but not really, because you want them to know that you're pissed off.

"Kyle, what's up?" Tweek demanded. She didn't understand what the hell was going on with him.

"You tell me!" Kyle snapped back.

"Tell you what?!" Tweek was dumbfounded, what the fuck was he talking about? Had she forgotten his birthday or something? "Kyle, what the hell?"

"Just...don't fucking speak to me." 

"Are you being serious? What have I done?" Tweek was hurt. She liked Kyle a lot. What could she have possibly done to warrant the redhead to react to her this way?

"What haven't you done? Sorry, that should be, WHO haven't you done?!" Kyle sneered at her.

He was calling her a slut.

Kyle, her friend, her good friend, was calling her a slut.

She stared at him in disbelief. He had to be joking, surely? He couldn't believe the rumors about her could he? She searched his face but found nothing but resentment, hatred. He was scowling at her like she had just killed his firstborn. 

So, he DID believe the rumors about her. That was the only explanation. She tore her eyes away from his burning gaze. Did he not know her? Did he really think she was capable of that? She thought he was a friend - she had actually thought of him as one of her best friends. But she was wrong. 

She felt herself growing rapidly hot, like the room was the entrance to hell with flames engulfing it. Fast approaching tears threatened to spill out of her eyes. She was devastated.

She didn't even notice Craig walking in.

She started shaking, and for once, it wasn't because she was nervous. Her body was shutting down in the only way it knew how. It started with feeling hot, then she had started shaking, soon her breathing had become shallow and she seemed to be fighting for every single breath. Oh no. Not now, please.

A panic attack was imminent. She knew all the telltale signs, even if it had been a while since her last one. She needed to get out of the class. Out of the school.

She could just about handle strangers thinking she was a bitch, a slut, a mess. But not Kyle. Not her friend. The way he had looked at her like she was repulsive. The image was already burnt into her mind.

She stood up abruptly, her chair falling to the floor with a loud clatter. The next few movements were a blur, she grabbed her bag and fled the room as fast as her shaking legs could carry her. She thinks she heard the teacher call after her but she couldn't be certain. Her heart was pounding furiously in her ears, she couldn't breathe.

 

 

**********  

 

"Have you seen Tweek?" Marj sidled up next to Kyle's locker, leaning against the cold metal. “She was supposed to meet me for lunch.”

"Nope. Not since she stormed out of Biology..." Kyle said, he was angrily shoving his books into his locker. 

Marj cocked an eyebrow at him, "Why did she stor-is she okay!? What happened!?'

"Why do you care?...I can't believe you're still like talking to her...after what she did," Kyle furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance.

"What do you mean?" Marj asked skeptically.

"Are you not like, mad?! Like... what she did....Kenny!?" Kyle continued his assault on his books

Marj's confusion faded as it dawned on her what the redhead meant, "Are you serious? You don't actually believe the rumors, do you?" She couldn't help but smile at him with pity, like he was an idiot.

"Um...well...like..." Kyle stammered, turning red. He had believed the rumors. After Stan had told him about Pete, he’d believe she was capable of anything.

"So you think that Tweek downed an entire bottle of vodka AND did shots with Wendy, made out with a boy from North Park, is having an affair with Kenny but left with the party with Craig Tucker?" Marj said in a mocking tone, trying to get Kyle to understand the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Well, that's what people are saying!"

"Tsk, tsk, Kyle - you should know better than that Mr 'Psycho Jew'."

"It was one chair, one fucking time!"

"But that's not what people said, is it?"

"No..."

"Exactly. People still avoid you in the hallways..." Marj concluded. Kyle should have known better. He himself had been subject to many rumors, from being in love with his best friend, to having such a bad anger problem that he had served time in juvenile hall, for stabbing a boy in the eye with a fork... neither of which was remotely true. Well...he did love Stan, just not in that way.

Kyle hated feeling stupid. He prided himself on being intelligent, reasonable and certainly not gullible. Marj’s condescending tone rubbed him up the wrong way. She was talking to him like he was an idiot but there was no smoke without fire - something had happened at that party, even Stan had said so, and he wouldn’t lie to Kyle.

"So what DID happen then?" Kyle asked angrily.

Marj informed him on the actual version of events from the party, including Wendy's spiked punch, Tweek passing out on the sofa and Kenny saving the day. She even told Kyle about Tweek being assaulted, although she hadn't informed Tweek about this, as she didn't want to upset her best friend, knowing how delicate she was. Luckily Kenny had stopped the guy before he could do anything more than just kiss the unconscious blonde but still, she didn't know how she would react to that information.

"Fuck. I am such a dick," Kyle slammed his locker door shut. He was gutted. Not only had he spent the entire week ignoring Tweek, he had sneered at her like she was repulsive and basically called her a whore. He had watched her face crumple into a look that could only be described as devastation before she had fled the room. He was a horrible person. 

"What have you done?" Marj's tone had changed from teasing to accusatory, at Kyle’s confession and reaction.

"I...um...I..." Kyle stammered.

"Kyle?!"

"I may have...like...um...called her 'easy'." The redhead concluded, flushing crimson. His skin tone did not do his embarrassment justice. But at least he was honest.

"Oh, Kyle." Marj looked at him with disappointment, like how you would look at a  puppy who had just pissed on the carpet. 

Kyle looked down.The pair of them stood in silence. They had been friends since Middle School, since their social statuses had plummeted, and had seen each other through the good times and the bad. They both knew what it was like to be the subject of a South Park High rumor. You needed a good set of friends to see you through it, and their group had a zero judgment policy. Like Millie and her sexuality, Jimmy and his disability, and even Jason and his acne. They had each other, and somehow that made the insufferable void of high school bearable. Tweek definitely belonged in their group. Marj knew that from day one when Wendy had dumped her with her. She could tell the blonde was fragile, and even though Tweek had been honest about her therapy and meds, she wasn’t quite sure what had happened to her. Although, she had an inkling that it was something to do with the girl that featured in a lot of photos on Tweek’s Instagram, and in her bedroom. But Marj was smart enough to know not to ask. Tweek would tell her when she was ready.

Kyle felt terrible. It wasn’t Tweek’s fault that she didn’t know how he felt about her. He had vented his unrequited frustrations at her because he was too much of a pussy to actually tell her that he liked her. But it was fine to be mad at her for being a normal teenager. For dating guys and going to parties. That was fucking logical.

After a while, Kyle’s guilt turned into his infamous anger, as he processed what Marj had told him. He smashed his fist against his locker in frustration which caused several people in the immediate vicinity to jump and probably didn't help his, 'I'm honestly not a Psycho Jew' case. "I want to fucking kill Wendy," he growled.

Marj smiled a kind smile at him and he knew that she would forgive him for his poor judgment. She quirked her eyebrow, her usual kind tone turned into one that Kyle had only heard a few times when she was uncharacteristically angry.

"Back of the fucking line."

 

********** 

 

The nurse's office was where Tweek spent the majority of Monday curled up on one of the uncomfortable plasticky beds, usually reserved for students with sporting accidents, or those who had been in a fight and lost.

Luckily for Tweek, Millie had been late to class and had caught her, as she was trying to flee the school. She had gently guided Tweek to the nurse's office, saying nothing other than the occasional reassuring phrase, ‘nearly there’ or ‘it’s just up here’.  She hadn't stuck around to see Tweek’s meltdown, for which the blonde was very grateful. She hated having witnesses.

The nurse was a kind woman, who seemed to know about Tweek’s medical history before the blonde had even staggered into the room. She had winked at Millie who was practically carrying Tweek, telling her to set the blonde down on the bed, like it was an everyday occurrence.

“Tallulah, how are you feeling?”

“Um a lot better, I’m... I’m sorry about before...”

“What on earth are you apologizing for?" The nurse said, as though, Tweek had apologized for simply existing. "You're always welcome here. I want you to know that. Whenever you feel like life is getting too much, just pop in," The nurse said kindly, giving Tweek a genuine smile which she returned.

Life was always too fucking much. Tweek nearly asked the nurse when she could move in, let alone 'pop in'. She had had worse attacks before but this had been a bad one. It probably served her right for thinking she was finally on the road to recovery. Well, she was definitely on the road, she had just taken a detour to the fuck my life town on the way.

"Did you call my mom?" Tweek asked sheepishly. She really didn't want her mom to know she had had a relapse.

"I left a message on her cell phone."

"Oh..." Bollocks. She was going to have to make up a lie about a surprise pop quiz triggering an attack or something.

"Is she awake?" Marj popped her head around the door.

"Yes dear, come in," the nurse said, giving Marj another one of her warm smiles.

"Hey you. I came before but you were conked out. I'm not gonna lie, I thought you were dead," Marj said, matter of factly, like it would have been no big deal if Tweek had been dead. It probably wouldn't to be fair. She couldn't imagine many people would be bothered. People would probably only remember her because of her parents' coffee....that and that time she got wasted and apparently slept with half of the senior boys. She hoped she would be remembered as a hoe at least that was better than a 17-year-old virgin.

Tweek smiled at Marj, "You seem a little bit gutted that I'm actually still alive."

"Well...I've never been to a wake before, you could have been my first," Marj grinned.

Tweek had been to a wake and it had been fucking awful. She knew that Marj was just trying to cheer her up and act normal around her, and for that, she was grateful, so she joked back.

"So...what year is it anyhow?" 

"It's the year 3000, not much has changed but we live underwater."

"Did you just quote the British band Busted at me?"

"I LOVE that you know who Busted are."

"Knowing shit pop culture references is my only talent..."

"Ahhh, mine is tap dancing."

Tweek grinned and lifted herself off the bed, grabbing her bag and heading out the door. She stopped to thank the nurse one more time.

"Any time, Tallulah, and remember, if you need me, you know where I am," the nurse said, smiling one final time before she went back to filling in paperwork.

"Did I miss much?" Tweek asked Marj, as they were walking down the hallway. 

"Um... Jason got a new tattoo at the weekend."

"Cool, what of?"

"I don't know, I couldn't really tell. It still had like saran wrap on it."

"Ahhh, right," Tweek nodded. They fell silent, walking side by side to the exit and awkward atmosphere loomed over them with the fallout from the unspoken issue. Tweek was the first to crack, "So, does, like everyone know?"

"What? About your panic attack?" Marj said it like it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was just Tweek overthinking as usual.

Tweek nodded.

"Nah. They think I put you in there because you know, you're fucking Kenny and all," Marj grinned at Tweek, "Honestly, I even heard a junior retelling the story of how I smashed your face into a locker."

Tweek snorted, "This fucking school."

"I know, right? To be fair, that slap didn't help."

"Tell me about it. I still have the fucking mark."

Marj winked, "You loved it, you kinky bitch."

 

**********  

 

"Tweek!"

Tweek had entered the locker room to change for Cheer practice and had immediately been descended upon by Wendy Testaburger and her enormous boobs.

"Babe I am so sorry, I had no idea about the punch!" Wendy said in what Tweek thought was her 'best apology' voice. 

Tweek had fantasized about what she would say to Wendy when she saw her. From calling her a see you next Tuesday to simply ignoring the bitch, Tweek had explored all possible options. She had finally decided on cruelty - she was going to hit Wendy where it hurt.

"Don't worry about it," Tweek smiled sweetly.

"Honestly, people are dicks! Who is so fucking immature to even spike the punch? I mean like, what are we, 15?" Wendy stated as if she was the victim of the situation.

Tweek continued to smile politely.

"Babe, honestly I'm just so glad you're okay," Wendy concluded, placing her hand on Tweek's arm, conveying empathy, in the way a politician would.

"Honestly, don't worry about it. Craig took SUPER good care of me." Tweek mimicked Wendy's fake tone to a 't' and watched as Wendy's face faltered into a light grimace which she tried to mask with a smile, but it just looked like she was in pain. Tweek continued her onslaught.

"He stayed with me ALL night, to make sure I was okay - honestly, he's just such a good guy. Obviously, I cooked him breakfast in the morning as, like a thank you and well....you know!" Tweek winked at Wendy suggestively. "Honestly, I should be thanking you! You did me a favor." 

She concluded with a girlish giggle, one that implied, 'I definitely sucked his dick dry' - well she hoped that it would come across that way. Wendy didn't need to know she had only felt his eggplant through his jeans.

Wendy's face was a picture. One that Tweek wished she could take a snap of to put on her Instagram with the caption, 'This girl tho.' and the okay hand emoji. She had a manic smile plastered across her face but at the same time, it looked like she had just shit her pants.

"Great. That's...great," Wendy finally said. Still smiling, still looking like she had shit herself.

They stood eyeballing each other for what felt like an eternity. Tweek hated eye contact but she wasn't going to let Wendy win this round. They seemed to have one of those wordless conversations that Tweek had seen Wendy and Bebe having, using just their eyeballs. To an onlooker, it would look mental. They were smiling at each other like they hated each other. Which they did. All it needed was for Tweek to be wearing a different colored uniform and they could have graced the poster for 'Bring It On'.

Tweek thought she knew what Wendy was trying to say. She was trying to tell Tweek to be fucking careful, to not go there, to back the fuck off.  And Tweek was doing her best to reply with what she hoped Wendy understood as, 'I know what you did, you bitch and I'm not going fucking anywhere. Just you wait.'

Craig Tucker had never looked more appealing.

 

********** 

 

Kyle was waiting in his usual spot for Stan, against the wall to the bleachers, near the tunnel. He was there early, as Debate Club had finished abruptly after their topic "Pro Life or Pro Choice" had brought a girl to tears. It had been awkward, really awkward and they had shuffled out of the room as fast as they could, as the teacher tried to console the hysterical girl. Apparently, the topic had hit home, just as Kyle was mid-rant about the butterfly effect and how an aborted baby could have grown up to cure cancer. It seemed he had a knack for making girls cry. He wasn't this much of an asshole he promised himself. He was just having a bad week.

He was hoping to get there early to catch Tweek after practice so that he could apologize to her for his scathing attack the day before. But she had clearly been avoiding him. She had made sure to sit on the other side of the lunch table, away from him, and in their shared classes, she had uncharacteristically chosen seats amongst students that she didn't know. It's not even like he could catch her after class, as she kept sticking her noise canceling headphones on and darting from the rooms.

Before he had time to think of a plan to get the petite girl to talk to him, he saw the familiar tangle of blonde hair breeze past him, as Tweek walked quickly to the parking lot. Jesus Christ, she was fast. If he had blinked he would have missed her. He shouted her name a few times but she had her headphones on, again, no doubt anticipating that Kyle would be lying in wait for her. Fuck.

"You okay, Dude?" Stan had emerged from the tunnel.

"Yeah....um...Yeah, fine," Kyle tore his gaze away from Tweek and turned to his best friend.

"Not getting a ride today?"

"Um, no. Not today, no." Kyle tried to hide his disappointment from Stan.

"Cool. Well, I'm just waiting for Wendy and then we can go."

Fuck Wendy. Kyle hadn't had the chance to tear Wendy a new arsehole about the punch and the party. 

"Right," Kyle said abruptly. The thought of seeing her filled him with dread, let alone the thought of sharing a car with her. He knew he wouldn't be able to say anything with Stan there. Stan always took Wendy's side, always.

"Hey - so I'm going to Bebe's so - Oh hi Kyle!" Wendy's tone suddenly changed from bored and unenthusiastic to ecstatic and overtly sweet, as she saw the redhead standing near her boyfriend.

Kyle nodded at her.

"So yeah, babe, I'm hanging with Bebe tonight, so I'll see you later," Wendy cooed at Stan, as if that was the way she always spoke to him. Kyle knew better. He knew the many faces of Wendy Testaburger all too well.

"Okay, I love you," Stan said back, kissing her on the lips. She pulled away quickly and smiled at him. Kyle noticed that she didn't say, 'I love you', back.

 

********** 

 

"You know Wendy gave Tweek punch at that party, right?" Kyle said. He was staring straight ahead looking out of the window, as Stan drove them home.

"What?"

"She made Tweek drink the punch...despite the fact that Tweek told Wendy that she couldn't drink alcohol."

"Then why'd she drink the punch then?" Stan replied cockily. 

"Because Wendy told her there was no alcohol in it."

"Bullshit, Kyle. Everyone knows you don't drink the fucking punch - it's like an unwritten rule."

"Tweek didn't know, Stan."

"That's bullshit! She just got drunk, made an ass out of herself and needed an excuse, so she blamed Wendy." 

"Why do you always defend her!?" Kyle was growing angrier by the second. Stan would defend Wendy to the death. 

"Because she's my girlfriend! You don't understand, dude."

"No I fucking don't!" 

They sat in an uncomfortable silence for the rest of the way home. When Stan pulled up outside Kyle's house, the redhead got out and slammed the door without so much of a backward glance to his best friend.

Stan sighed and let his forehead fall onto his steering wheel.

He wished Kyle knew how miserable he really was.

 

********** 

 

"Are you entering it?" Tweek was staring down at the flyer that had been posted through her locker. The school's annual talent show was going to be held in two weeks' time.

"Yeah, fuck it why not?" Marj said, "I have a new tap routine that I can whip out."

"I'm excited to see it, I haven't seen you dance yet," Tweek grinned at her best friend.

"You're in for a treat - oh hi, Pete." Marj had acknowledged the goth boy who had sidled up to them. Tweek cast pleading eyes at Marj, eyes that said, ‘Please don't fucking leave me.’ But Marj was oblivious to wordless conversations. Conversations that took place between eyeballs only. Tweek knew if Wendy was here, she would have understood. Not that she would have assisted Tweek in the slightest. She probably would have turned to the goth and wordlessly told him that Tweek’s favorite drink was vodka on the rocks. Instead, Marj took the eyes to mean, ‘I want to be left alone’, and winked at Tweek knowingly, before she said, "Ooooo, I've just remembered, I left my quiche in Home Ec, excuse me." 

Tweek watched in horror as Marj waltzed off down the corridor in search of her fictional quiche from Home Ec. Did they even have Home Ec at the school? And of all the things she could have chosen to have made – a fucking quiche was her choice.

The sudden departure of Marj left her and Pete alone. Just her and Pete, Pete and Tweek. Eurghh, that sounded like a shit show featured on Nickelodeon, ‘Now back to Pete and Tweek’. She imagined the promo for the show, ‘One’s a goth, the other’s not. And what a pair they make! Stay tuned for the wacky adventures of Pete and Tweek!’ Jesus Christ, no amount of canned laughter would be able to save such a show. 

“Hey,” Pete said with a flip of his bangs. 

She didn’t know why but it had really started to grate on her, the way he flipped his hair. Had he never thought of a bobby pin? Like if you’re going to commit to growing your bangs out and wearing them down, then fucking commit. Don’t act like your hair snuck up on you and is now halfway down your face much to your fucking annoyance. It’s one or the fucking other Pete! That could be her catchphrase on ‘Pete and Tweek’, she’d easily be able to work it into the weekly scripts. The episode where Pete wanted sweet AND salted popcorn, ‘It’s one or the fucking other Pete, ya crazy goth bastard!’ Maybe she could have it on a t-shirt if it became popular.

“Hey,” Tweek replied without jerking her bangs out of her face. See how fucking easy it is, Pete?

“So, like…this is gonna sound like…I dunno, rude.” Bang flip. “But like, just how many guys are you seeing?” Bang flip. “I know we didn’t make this exclusive or anything.” Bang flip. “I’d just like to know what I’m dealing with.”

Tweek stared at the goth in disbelief. No. He couldn’t be fucking serious. She wasn’t having it. She was looking around for Ashton Kutcher to pop out and tell her she’d been Punk’d, when she spotted Craig fucking Tucker walking towards her, to his locker.

No. No. Not again. That settled it. She was on The Truman Show. She was Truman Burbank. It was too much of a fucking coincidence that shit like this kept happening to her. There must be someone in control. She needed to look up at the ceiling for one of the many cameras and tell them that they never had a camera in her fucking head. She needed to get in a dinghy and sail to the exit, so that she could say, ‘In case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!’ Before escaping into the real world, where she could fuck her life in another way.

Stick a fork in her she was done.

“Tweek?” The goth said to her, snapping her out of her daydream.

“What?” She asked him. Shit, what was the question again?

“Um…like…so how many guys?” Pete flipped his bangs…AGAIN.

“Are you serious?” She asked slowly, giving the goth time to retract his accusation. Craig was stationed at his locker, no doubt listening intently to their conversation.

“Deadly. No offence, you’re hot and everything but a slut, is still…you know,” Bang flip, “A slut.”

Craig snorted.

Tweek stared at the goth with a look of horror on her face. She had no words. Literally none. Her brain had gone to fucking lunch. She couldn’t blame it. She wished she was there with it. WAS HE FUCKING SERIOUS?!

“Look.-“ Pete began.

“I’m gonna stop you there.” She said, raising her finger, like a sassy female would do -  Ahhh the brain had returned from having its Caesar fucking salad, here we go, “Number 1. Yes, that did sound rude. Number 2. I am not seeing anyone, apart from a therapist on a weekly basis, which you have given me plenty of material for, so thanks for that. Number 3. No, we were not exclusive and now, never will be. And Number fucking 4, either get a bobby pin or shave it the fuck off.”

She slammed her locker door shut and stormed off down the hallway.

 

********** 

 

They boarded the coach to travel to Boulder High School for that evening's game. The school hadn't allowed anyone to drive themselves, much to Tweek's annoyance - apparently, it was due to insurance purposes. So she found herself sat the front of the bus, in a window seat. The coaches had told them it would be a full bus, as they had to fit both the football and cheerleading team on, plus countless staff, bags and equipment.

Tweek had been hoping to sit alone but she had no such luck. She had her headphones firmly fixed onto her head and was prepared to ignore who ever was unfortunate enough to sit next to her. On the way down, Red had taken pity on her and plopped herself down in the adjacent seat. But on the way back, Red went to sit with Jenny, as Kelly was sitting with Kenny, which left only one person…

“Hey,” Craig said in an annoyed tone, as he sat down in the seat next to her.

Oh fuck. They hadn’t spoken to each other since last Saturday. She had avoided him all week and she knew that he knew about it. He seemed annoyed and she didn’t know why. They had won the game comfortably and Craig had been the star player, yet again. He was probably annoyed that he had to sit next to her. He probably regretted Saturday.

“Hey,” Tweek replied timidly. She could feel her cheeks heating up and knew she had probably turned a shade of maroon.

They sat shoulder to shoulder (thanks to Craig’s huge form) in silence for what must have been 40 minutes into the 2-hour journey. She wouldn’t describe it as an uncomfortable silence, it was like a silence that she had never experienced before. The touch of him arm against hers felt like electricity and there seemed to be a palpable buzz hanging over them. Like tension. Tension that needed breaking. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she reached for her headphones and slipped them onto her head, choosing a random playlist to drown out her thoughts. But she couldn’t concentrate on any of the songs.

About 20 minutes later, Craig reached out and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest. Craig didn’t look at her and she didn’t look at him. When he squeezed her hand, she squeezed it back. They didn’t let go until they got back to South Park.

 

*****

She was on her 4th episode of 'My So-Called Life' when her phone buzzed.

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.37pm:**  ?

'?' - What the fuck did that mean? Had he leant on his phone accidentally? Had he asked her a question that she forgot to answer? She thought about the coach journey...the conversation had definitely ended...or had she done that thing that she did - zoning out to one of her daydreams. Had she just walked off the bus mid-convo? She wouldn't actually be surprised if she had.  Wait…they hadn’t actually said anything to each other on the bus. They had just held hands weirdly... no words had been exchanged… well, apart from ‘hey’ but that wasn’t a question in itself was it? It wasn’t like he had said, “Hey, do you like bacon?” and she had just walked off. What did he mean?

 **LuluTweek 11.39pm:**  What?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.39pm:** You're awake

 **LuluTweek 11.40pm:** You're observant

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.41pm:** Funny.

 **LuluTweek 11.41pm:** I try.

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.42pm:**  So like, what are you doing?

 **LuluTweek 11.42pm:**  Training for a marathon

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.43pm:**?

_Why did he want to know what she was doing? Shouldn't he be drunk, getting into girls plural, showing people why he was voted number one?_

**LuluTweek 11.43pm:** Watching tv, why?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.44pm:**  Where?

 **LuluTweek 11.44pm:**  Where what?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.44pm:** Where are you watching tv?

 **LuluTweek 11.45pm:** On da moon.

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.45pm:**  Are you always this sarcastic?

 **LuluTweek 11.46pm:**  Are you always this nosy?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.46pm:** Maybe

 **LuluTweek 11.47pm:**  ?

 **Motherfucketucker 11.47pm:** So where are you watching TV?

 **LuluTweek 11.48pm:** At my house? In my bed?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.48pm:**  Is that an invitation ;)

Oh, Jesus Christ. She had walked straight into that one. No, it was not a fucking invitation. She needed, 'I am a virgin' tattooed on her forehead. Maybe Jason could recommend someone...although she didn't want to have saran wrap on her forehead if she could help it. And what if she eventually lost her virginity but the tattoo remained? She would be a fraud. She'd have to get the word 'not' tattooed in small letters above the 'am' and 'a'. But then she might not be able to get a job. No one wanted to hire a slut. Certainly not one who bragged about being one.

 **LuluTweek 11.49pm:**  Oh god! Is that what you were trying? Well, we got there in the end, didn't we.

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.49pm:**  Not yet but we could...

 **LuluTweek 11.50pm:**  I didn't have you down as a sex pest

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.50pm:** Who said anything about sex? 

 **LuluTweek 11.51pm:**  I'm not the one who sent the winky face

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.51pm:** I could just have a twitch

 **LuluTweek 11.52pm:**  ....A twitch that makes you type out winks?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.52pm:** Maybe ;)

Tweek sent the blank face emoji back

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.53pm:** What are you watching?

 **LuluTweek 11.53pm:**  Why do you wanna know? Why aren't you partying like it's 1999?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.55pm:**  Not in the mood.

 **LuluTweek 11.55pm:** What mood are you in?

 **Motherfuckertucker 11.56pm:** A sassy one.

_Tweek laughed out loud. Craig Tucker had actually used the term 'sassy'._

**LuluTweek 11.56pm:**  I didn’t have you down for being ‘sassy’ either

The messages stopped and Tweek was a little bit gutted. Was it something she had said? Did he not like that she wouldn't have used the word 'sassy' to describe him? Just as she was about to go back to binge-watching her stories, her phone buzzed again.

 **Motherfuckertucker 12.08am:** I'm in your bush.

Tweek flushed with embarrassment. What the fuck did he mean by that? She had to reread the last message several times...had he meant to say, 'I'm on your bus' or had autocorrect fucked him over like it did to her, changing fuck to duck every single fucking time without fail. Why would he be telling her he was on a bus, though? As she clearly wasn't on any bus... she was sure of that...No she was definitely sat on her bed. What if he was on a bus and there was a girl who looked like her on it? That would be awkward for him. She imagined him approaching the girl and screaming 'Hiya! Y'alright?!' in her face, only to realize it wasn't actually Tweek but a man with blonde hair. Hahahaha. Wait...what if he was just stating that he was on a bus? Like, 'look at me I'm riding a bus.' What was the correct reply to that? 'Nice one...is it a nice bus?' She didn't give a shit about buses. Which buses ran at this time anyway? Unless he was a wizard and he was on the Knight Bus. Then he really shouldn't be telling her about it, after all, she was a muggle and could blow his cover at any given moment. No Craig wasn't a wizard...a vampire maybe but not a wizard. He must have meant 'bush'...because what word would have autocorrect substituted bush for? All the words that rhymed with bush still had similar sexual connotations...gush, lush, tush and she couldn't imagine autocorrect willingly changing bush to tush. No, he meant bush. How fucking rude. Who even said that she had a bush? She made sure she kept a tidy downstairs garden thank you very much...not that anyone would see it or anything, but you know, in case she got hit by a bus and the paramedics had to cut her out of her knickers or something. Knowing her luck, Craig was probably on said bus and would see her lying in the street with cut open knickers and her bushless bits flying about.

 **LuluTweek 12.11a** **m** : ...pardon?

 **Motherfuckertucker 12.11am:**  Outside

Ahhh...so it wasn't a euphemism for her nether regions then... After the shock of the 'I'm in your bush' message had warn off, she realized what he meant and had a minor heart attack. He was outside. Outside her house. Shit.

 **LuluTweek 12.12am:** As in...outside my house?

 **Motherfuckertucker 12.12am:**  Yeah, do you wanna go for a walk?

 **LuluTweek 12.13am:**  Now?

 **Motherfuckertucker 12.13am:**  No. Next fucking week.

 **LuluTweek 12.14am:**  Now who's being sarcastic?

 **Motherfuckertucker 12.14am:**  ?

 **LuluTweek 12.15am:**  Give me 5 minutes.

 5 minutes!? She needed 5 years to prepare to meet Craig Tucker. Shit the bed. Why the fuck did she have to live close to Token Black's house. Token Black and his stupid, sexy parties with free-flowing alcohol and wandering boys who ended up in bushes. Had he just got lost on his way to the bathroom? No...he was one of Token's best friends, he would have known where Token kept his toilets. He must be drunk. That's the only excuse Tweek thought viable. Why else would he wander over to perch in her bush? In her haste, she managed to pull on a pair of black skinny jeans and her vans. She had almost put on another unsexy t-shirt (this one had the blue worm from Labyrinth,  with the caption, "Come inside and have a nice cup of tea" on it).  She definitely couldn't wear that. Not with the words "come inside" emblazoned on it. She didn't want to give him any ideas that would lead to her sneezing out semen. Instead, she shoved a plain white one over her braless (she seriously wasn't against wearing bras, honestly) boobs, and threw on the new coat that she had got a few weekends ago in preparation for the cold South Park weather.

"Yo," she said as she stepped outside her front door. Fucking 'Yo', like she was a black 80s rapper - she was surprised she hadn't done the finger guns at him. But that's only because she was concentrating on closing the door behind her and not falling down the porch steps. If she had more coordination, the finger guns would have definitely been whipped out. Scrap guns, they would have been Finger AK47s.

"You took your fucking time," Craig said, as he leaned casually against her car. She wished she had the keys with her so that she could set the alarm off to scare him shitless and wipe the smug look off of his face.

"I had to put on clothes-" Ah. Fuck. She regretted speaking immediately. Craig smirked at her. "It's not like...I wasn't naked or anything..." That's right Tweek, keep talking.

She noticed he was wearing black skinny jeans and vans, just like her.

"Look, we're twins!" She said, shaking one of her legs at him. 

"Are you always this weird?" Craig was looking at her with a confused face, as she still had her leg raised in mid-shimmy.

She put her leg back down, "Look mate, I'm not the one who sent the message, 'I'm in your bush'."

Craig bit back a smirk. He was forever doing that, like he didn't want her to know that he found her amusing.

"Why were you in my...um, the bush anyway?"

"Avoiding security."

"I wouldn't worry, I rarely see h-JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!" Tweek jumped out of her skin, as she saw a figure appear from nowhere.

It was the fucking security guard.

"Everything alright, Miss Tweek?" He shined the flashlight in her face.

Tweek clutched her chest. She didn't know how much more her poor heart could take. When she had first met, ‘Call me Larry’ the Security Guard, she had thought he had about as much stealth as a baby elephant. If there was an intruder, she would be shit out of luck because by the time ‘Call me Larry’ got there, her body would probably be in the last stages of decomposition. She would probably be a fossil. But she was wrong. ‘Call me Larry’ had bare stealth.

"Yep. Peachy, thank you," she panted at him.

"Alright," ‘Call me Larry’ said, moving the beam of light to Craig's face, "Have a good night." And with that, he turned and ambled away with as much stealth as a blind giraffe.

"Are you always this skittish?" Craig said, grinning at her.

"Fuck off."

"You're cute when you're angry."

Cute, Craig had called her cute. Her stomach did a little flip at the confession.

"You should see me when I'm furious," Why didn't she just take the fricking compliment. 

Craig bit back another grin. 'Just laugh you fucking nonce', she thought.

"Come on, let's go." Craig motioned her to follow him with his head and she did, like he was the Pied Piper and she was one of his rats. She nearly started giggling imagining Craig dancing down her driveway playing a flute, as she did a jig after him. He didn't seem the type of boy to play the flute. If she had to give him an instrument to play, it would be the guitar. She would definitely follow him if he played the guitar. She would even wear a rat costume for him.

They walked through the town, and Craig told her they were going to Stark's Pond. She hadn't ever been there but had driven past it a fair few times. At first, she had panicked thinking that he was luring her to an icy death. There was literally no one about and if he wanted to, he could easily just lob her into the pond. Luckily the security guard had seen him with her, so he probably wouldn't risk murdering her tonight. Maybe another time but not tonight. Not when, ‘Call me Larry’ the security guard would be able to tell the police that it was South Park High’s MVP who had done the dirty. To be fair, the town would probably cover for him. He was their one chance of playing in the NFL after all.

They stopped at a bench facing the water and sat down. Tweek thought it was quite pretty. They were bathed in the moonlight and the water was still. There wasn't a soul around except for the pair of them. It was silent but for their breathing and an occasional shuffle of their feet.  

“So,” Craig broke the silence, “Just out of interest, and like sorry if this sounds rude but just how many guys are you seeing?” 

“Oh fuck you!” Tweek shoved him, as he burst out laughing, “Way to ruin the moment, dickhead.”

“I couldn’t resist,” Craig grinned.

It began to snow, large flakes fell silently from the black sky, coming to rest delicately on them before evaporating and leaving dark marks on their clothing. Their breaths were icy, leaving a train of white mist on every exhale. It was freezing although Tweek didn't feel cold.

“Like I said, I’m seeing no one,” She said, staring at the water, watching the snowflakes dissolve on contact.

“Not even me?”

Tweek snapped her head to look at him. She wasn’t expecting that, “What?!”

“Would you like to?” Craig was staring at the water as he spoke.

Tweek gawked at him, “Um…” Was it a trick question? Was he going to laugh in her face if she said yes, like ‘Haha, only joking. Not a fucking chance, I am number one!’

“Because I’d like to.” His eyes flickered to hers. He held her gaze, waiting patiently for a response.

She remembered the first time that she had locked eyes with him in Biology a month ago. She remembered how she thought he was way out of her league. She remembered his reaction to her banging her head against her locker. She remembered watching him playing football for the first time. She remembered arguing with him about going for coffee with a goth. She remembered accidentally liking his v lines on his Instagram, and the way she had almost died of embarrassment when he reminded her of it. She remembered waking up next to him and eating waffles with him. She remembered kissing him. She couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him.

“Okay.”

 

 

**References in this Chapter**

[It's gonna be May!](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/r0cczw5jbDg/hqdefault.jpg) 

[Busted - Year 3000](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu7HoGZaspo)

[The Truman Show - Ending](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZMZYrdXtP0)

[ Labyrinth Worm T-Shirt](https://ih1.redbubble.net/image.441193960.6489/gptr%2Cx900%2Cfront%2Cblack-c%2C200%2C205%2C210%2C230-bg%2Cf8f8f8.lite-1u9.jpg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave comments - I will respond to all of them good or bad! Also, let me know if there's anything you want to see in the story and I will try and accommodate.


	10. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After last week's dreadful chapter, I have returned with a more thorough and better structured (IMO) chapter that will hopefully wet your whistle for another week.

"So where did you disappear to last night?" Kenny had stormed into Craig's bedroom without knocking, of course,  and thrown himself down onto the bed that Craig was still sleeping in.  

Luckily for Craig, he had upgraded to a double bed in recent years, so when Kenny climbed in under the covers, it wasn't as uncomfortable as it had been during the years of when he had occupied a single bed. Kenny liked to spoon Craig to freak him out and they often watched movies cuddled up together, like they were a couple. Kenny didn't know the meaning of personal space, not that Craig minded, he had long since accepted Kenny's ways. Just like he accepted Kenny stealing his clothes and eating his food. It was like they were married or something - what was Craig's was also Kenny's. 

"You asshole, I've been looking for that shirt," Craig said into his pillow. 

"It's my favourite of all your shirts. It smells of you," Kenny chirped happily. He had wedged one of Craig's pillows behind his back and was sat up, patiently waiting for Craig to come around. Whilst Kenny was a morning person, Craig was not. He reminded Kenny of a character from the game, 'The Sims'. Like when you were running late for work and your Sim would take 49 years to get out of bed, despite the work car waiting for them outside the house, and you had to just sit there and watch hopelessly because they wouldn't haul ass. That was Craig. 

"You're fucking weird." Craig huffed, snatching back the covers that Kenny had pulled off him. 

"You're not still mad at me are you?" Kenny said, putting a hand on Craig's head in an effort to soften him up. He began tracing small circles on his head; Craig had a weakness for people playing with his hair. 

"Mmmm," Craig voiced in half confirmation that yes, he was still angry and half pleasure at the sensation caused by Kenny's fingers. 

"I don't know what your problem is, you didn't have to endure Kelly fucking Pinkerton for two hours," Kenny said. He had forced Craig to sit next to Tallulah Tweek on the bus home from the game by asking Kelly to be his bus buddy. He knew that the blonde girl liked him and would jump at the chance to sit next to him, which meant that Jenny would be free for Red to sit next to, leaving only one seat left.  

He was unashamed to admit that he was a bit proud of himself for thinking of such an intricate plan. He had studied who had sat next to Tweek on the way down to Boulder and began doing the 'girl' sums in his head. It was fucking exhausting. But he did it because his best friend Craig Tucker moved at an incredibly slow pace when it came to girls that he liked. Like really liked. Give him a random girl at a party to make out with and Craig was quicker than The Flash. But when feelings were involved, Craig shut down. He was a wall, an impenetrable wall. Kenny hadn't actually seen him like a girl before but he knew he liked Tweek. He could feel it in his womb...if he had a womb. 

"Serves you right, asshole," Craig huffed again. 

Kenny pulled his hand away from Craig's head and received a whine in return. Craig reluctantly forced himself to sit up but took his time in doing so, like it pained him...which it probably did. 

"God you're so melodramatic," Kenny snorted, as he watched Craig's performance of getting up. How the human-sized sloth managed to pick him up in the morning and get them both to school on time was beyond Kenny.  

Craig rubbed his eyes in an over-exaggerated manner and focused on the blond boy sat next to him. His face fell into a scowl. 

"Are they my fucking jeans, too?!"  

"They make my ass look good." 

"You fucker! They're my favourite pair. I thought I was going insane looking for them, you asshole." 

"But honey, what's yours is mine." Kenny batted his eyelashes at his best friend. 

Craig rolled his eyes. He wasn't mad at Kenny, really. He just did it for show. In reality, he would give Kenny the shirt off his back, which he often did. 

"Don't I fucking know it."

 

* * *

 

"Keep your voice down!" Red's paranoia at being caught was at an all-time high. She had taken her eye off the ball in recent weeks and she could not afford to get caught. 'Just ten more months' she told herself, then she would be able to get away from South Park and be herself. 

"Relax! No one comes down here," Millie leaned in pressing her lips against Red's. 

They had been doing this dance for a while now, in secret of course, much to Millie's annoyance. It's not that she wanted to call Red her girlfriend or anything, it's just this whole sneaking around thing wasn't really her style. She was a lesbian and proud to be one. She didn't want to hide who she was, as it certainly wasn't something that she was ashamed of.  

Red was the opposite. She was so far in the closet, Millie often thought about asking her how the weather was in fucking Narnia. 

Millie didn't understand what the big deal was. Sure Red was popular and all - a cheerleader even, but why the fuck would her being a lesbian change anything?  

When they had first started their secret trysts, Millie had been into Red, like really into Red. At one point she was desperate to call Red her own. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops, she wanted everyone to know. But as the months had gone by, Millie had become disheartened with being seen as just an easy fuck, and it dawned on her that Red would never see her as anything more.  

She was convinced that Red was only humouring her, as it was slim pickings in the lesbian department at South Park High. So she distanced herself from Red. Sure they still made out, and ate each other out (Millie wouldn't turn down a free orgasm and she had to admit that Red was a good lay), but there was no love lost for Millie. She had recently installed both Tinder and Bumble on her phone, and had been speaking to a few girls. There was one girl in particular, Jessie, from North Park High, that she kind of really liked. They had agreed to meet up that weekend, and if it went well, Millie was going to end whatever the fuck this thing she had with Red. 

Red moaned into Millie's mouth, as they sloppily kissed, tongues sliding together. Millie's hand had found its way underneath Red's skirt and into her panties. She let her fingers brush lightly against the redhead's clit, before sliding her fingers inside of her. Red pulled away from the kiss to gasp. 

"Fuck, you're so wet," Millie breathed into the redhead's ear. 

Millie loved how turned on Red always seemed to be whenever they met up to fool around. They didn't do so often but when they did, Red was always raring to go, like she was gagging for it, which she probably was. It was like Red was dying of thirst and Millie was the one who could quench her. Millie started moving her fingers in and out, her thumb gently massaging Red's happy spot. 

Red moaned again. Despite being concerned about the noise level, Red could never hold back. Millie knew it, she knew how good she was with her fingers. She could make Red cum easily but often liked to hold off, teasing her. Today wasn't going to be one of those occasions though, they both had class to get to, and Millie was also horny. The sooner she could get Red off, the sooner she would get off. 

It was like a routine for them, every Monday, before third period, to come to the abandoned corridor that once housed the art rooms, and fool around (as long as no one was around). The corridor was infamous for its secrecy, due to the amount of crap that was abandoned in it. You could easily hide behind a bookshelf, or a stack of chairs and go about your business without the fear of getting caught. Whether it was make out sessions with someone you really didn't want other people to know about, or selling weed to the stoner kids, the corridor was a safe haven for people who wanted to keep their secrets. 

Millie was Red's secret. 

"Shhhhhh! Someone's coming!" Red abruptly yanked Millie's arm out of her underwear and dragged her down, to crouch behind the desks. At first, Millie thought the redhead was just being her usual paranoid self, but then she heard the voices. Luckily, there was another way out of the corridor - the staircase that led to the Science block at the end. Although it was seldom used, they still had to exercise caution. Which is why Red always made Millie wait at least five minutes before she could use the stairs after her. Millie always complied, like the doormat she was which is how she found herself still crouching and waiting for Red's five minutes to pass, whilst the next set of students descending on the corridor to get frisky. 

She thought it wouldn't hurt if she peeked out from behind the desk and saw who it was that had denied her an orgasm. It was probably someone boring, like Bebe and Clyde who often came down for some not so discreet sex sessions. Millie shuddered, remembering the time she had accidentally put her hand on one of Clyde's used condoms. Boys were so fucking gross. 

It wasn't Bebe and Clyde but it was someone equally inoffensive: Craig Tucker. She wasn't surprised to see him in the slightest - she had seen him down here many times with many different girls. However, what she was surprised to see, was Craig's latest piece, who just so happened to be one of her good friends, Tallulah Tweek. 'Shit' thought Millie. She wouldn't have put the two together at all. How did they even know each other? She watched them briefly as they started making out but thought it was time to leave when Craig lifted Tweek up and the blonde wrapped her legs around him. 'Well that escalated quickly', Millie said to herself, as she crawled her way to freedom.

 

* * *

 

Craig had slipped a note in her locker to meet him by the old artrooms during break. Tweek didn't have a fucking clue where that was, as the only artrooms she knew of looked brand spanking new. Luckily she had Biology with Craig for second period and she was going to take a page out of 'Call me Larry's' stealth book and follow him. Incognito of course. Not that she would wear a fake mustache or anything, but, you know, discreet would be her middle name in this scenario. She really wished 'discreet' was her middle name, instead of India. Tallulah India Tweek. TEE-EYE-TEE... Tit. Her parents had actually called her a tit. 

She had never told anyone what her middle name was, except for Evelyn, and she was devastated when it was put on her driver's license for the world to see. She had made her peace with the knowledge that she would never buy liquor for herself (she couldn't risk whipping out her tit ID and handing it over to a cashier), and hoped to god she would never get pulled over. But even if she did, maybe it would be a conversation starter with the police? It might even get her out of a speeding ticket, "Bloody hell, I've been a right tit, haven't I?" she could say.  

She was silently fuming with her parents for denying her the chance to ever have her own fragrance named after her... unless she called it, like, 'Nipple...the new fragrance by T.I.T'. She laughed out loud thinking of people saying, 'I'm wearing tit nipple', when asked what fragrance they were sporting, like how she did when she said, 'I'm wearing Coco Chanel Mademoiselle'. Fuck, she slapped a hand over her mouth, remembering that she was trying to be discreet.  

Fucking tit. She was convinced her parents had to have been on crack. Maybe she was a crack baby. It would explain a lot. 

"Oh darling, I just fell in love with the country!" Her mum had said defensively when Tweek was old enough to know what tits were. Oh well, that's good, isn't it? Mom just loved India. Drinks all around.  Drinks that I won't be buying because my initials are TIT on my fucking driver's license, Tweek thought. Not that she was 21 but when that day did roll around, Tweek would be prepared with her tit speech. 

She couldn't wait to get married, then she would have a shot at some normal initials. She thought about marrying Craig. Tallulah India Tucker...ahhh, fuck. 

The ironic thing was, Tweek couldn't even live up to her name. Her tits were almost none-existant...fried eggs at best, sunny side up. She wondered if Craig would have still been keen to start seeing each other if he had made contact with her tit, when he had his hands up her shirt the week before. 

Probably not, she thought. Knowing her luck, Craig was probably a 'tit' man which was shit for her. You know, unless her initials were enough to satisfy his tit cravings. Why couldn't he be an 'arm' man instead? That was the only thing she had going for her - her arms, which were thin and um, hairless and um....she had two of them? (Because that's a selling point). 'Do you like my arms? All two of them?' She could wink seductively at him whilst doing windmills with her hairless limbs. Maybe she should start wearing spaghetti straps so that she could show them off and he would forget all about her lack of boobage. Not many men were 'arm' men though, were they? She had heard of 'leg', 'boob' and 'ass' men but never 'arm' men....She had said arm men too many times for it to make sense anymore.. Arm Men....Armen... Amen. She thought of praising Jesus, lifting her arms to the sky, like they did at those fun black churches and snorted out a laugh again. Okay so discreet wasn't her middle name after all. She clapped another hand over her mouth and made a mental note to ask Craig what his 'thing' was. 

They hadn't told anyone they were seeing each other. Craig had told her that he wanted to keep it private. He hadn't gone into the details of why but Tweek didn't really care either way. The heat had only just died down from the party and she didn't want any more rumours flying around about her. Knowing the students at the school, it was a slippery slope into, 'I saw her rimming Craig Tucker in Art'. 

She waited a few seconds before turning down the dark corridor where Craig had disappeared. Craig was waiting amidst the old desks, chairs and bookcases which were strewn around haphazardly. It was a serious health and safety issue, Tweek thought. If there was ever a fire, the corridor would go up like a synthetic Christmas tree, or a Party City wig. She imagined her and Craig being engulfed in flames. At least she would die kissing South Park High’s number one, not that they wouldn’t pull apart once the fire started licking at their heels. Why would they just stand there and accept their fate? Like, 'Ahhh shit, here comes a fire. As you were.' Craig would probably be able to get out. He was athletic and built like a brick shit house. She was not. She’d probably trip over a desk and knock herself out on something and be burnt to a crisp. She remembered having a fire safety talk in middle school by a man that resembled Dexter from Dexter's Labratory. He had actually said, 'People think that it's the fire that kills you, when in actual fact, it's the smoke that will kill you first!' Like you could die twice. That would be shit, wouldn't it? Having the sweet release of death by smoke inhalation, only to be brought back to life just so you could endure being charred to death too. Well at least she would go out with a bang...a firework going off in her head bang, that came from kissing Craig. She wondered what her obituary would say?  _Tallulah India Tweek (T.I.T) died doing what she loved..._ Wait no...not 'doing', her and Craig hadn't 'done' the 'doing' yet. She had thought about doing Craig a lot, ever since his eggplant had been pressed into her nether regions. But she still had a long way to go and a cheeky break-time make out session was the perfect start. 

He smiled when he saw her approaching and took her hand in his when she was close enough, lacing their fingers together again. The butterflies that were lying dormant in her stomach, sprung to life, fluttering desperately against her insides to be let out. She loved the feel of his hand in hers. 

"No one comes down here," he said, leading her further down the corridor. 

"You've not brought me here to kill me, have you?" Tweek half teased. Just like at Stark's Pond she couldn't be 100% sure that that still wasn't his intention. You always had to think of the worst case scenario and make sure you had an exit strategy. That's what her parents had taught her. Although, they were probably talking about normal threats such as rapists and muggers...not murdering vampires and goth serial killers. 

"Nah, if I was going to kill you, I would have done it at Stark's Pond," Craig teased, "It would be easier to hide the body." 

Fuck. Could he read her mind? Most vampires had that ability, didn't they? She still wasn't convinced that he wasn't a vampire, she needed to get him to walk past something reflective...Maybe she could wear some rosary beads and see if he freaked the fuck out, or like, keep a clove of garlic in her knickers, just in case. Wait no. She'd definitely forget she put it there and when the time did come for sex with Craig (not that she didn't change her underwear every day...because she definitely did - twice even!), her nether regions would stink of garlic. She almost laughed hysterically imagining Craig's face, pulling down on her knickers and a glove of garlic flopping out. What would his reaction be? More importantly, what would HER reaction be? "Dat's just ma garlic," she could say, as she led on her back waiting for the hot vampire boy to give it to her. Oh shit, she had started giggling. Maybe she could pass it off as nerves, instead of the thought of having a garlic reeking vajeen. 

They stopped when Craig seemed satisfied that they were far enough down the corridor not to be spotted. Tweek subconsciously scrunched her shoulders up so that her neck wasn't as exposed. She didn't want to give him easy access to her blood supply. Her heart was pounding at an alarming rate, he could probably hear the blood coursing through her veins - vampires also had supersonic hearing, right? Maybe he didn't need access to her neck. Maybe a vein in her arm would do... if he was an 'arm man' of course. 

Craig made her incredibly nervous...but in a good way. In the way when you're really excited but really scared at the same time...a bit like queuing for a shit-the-bed rollercoaster, or you know, when you're about to make out with a super hot vampire who may or may not decide to eat you.  

He was far too good looking for her and definitely out of her league. She had convinced herself that he was either doing this for a bet (Clyde would definitely be the type of guy to put him up to this), or as an experiment. Probably a Biology experiment. It wouldn't surprise her, she never fucking listened in class. You could tell her that they were currently trying to clone a velociraptor and she would believe you. 

She thought about the kitchen scene in Jurassic Park with the velociraptors. It was her and Evelyn's favourite 'game' to play in middle school. When all the other kids were being normal and playing kickball outside, Evelyn and Tweek would be hauled up in an empty classroom being dinosaurs. They usually took turns in playing the velociraptor - Tweek was better though, she always committed a 100% to the role. Evelyn would try her best, bless her, but she could never quite capture the walk of a velociraptor, and she never knew what to do with her hands. It was easy though, you just held your hands in the same way as Mr Burns, and stood on your tippy toes with your bum stuck out - that was the key to a good velociraptor.  

Before she started to think about the other games her and Evelyn used to play (including a game simply called 'Michael Jackson'), Craig leaned down and captured her lips. 

She would never get tired of kissing him.  

The height difference between them was substantial and Tweek stood on her tiptoes (not dissimilar to when she played a velociraptor) to try and make it easier for the 6-foot god knows what, football player.

They had been kissing for less than a minute when Craig effortlessly lifted her up, like she was a rag doll. She responded by wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He seemed to like that, as he pulled her closer and kissed her harder. 

He gently pushed her against the wall and pulled away from her lips. She was panting hard and gasped as Craig started to place light kisses along her jawline. He was working his way to her neck, and instead of worrying about his fangs sinking into it, Tweek thought, 'Fucking take me now'. 

He started sucking on her skin lightly, before delicately nibbling away, creating a sensation she had never experienced before. The all-over tingling feeling returned and she bit down on her lip to try and stop herself from making a sound, but it was useless... it felt too good. A soft moan escaped from her and she used her legs to pull Craig closer to her. 

Craig stopped and pulled away from her lightly bruised neck , finding her eyes with his own.  

"You're so sexy," he said in a husky voice, looking at her like he wanted to devour her. He quickly recaptured her lips and they began making out furiously, tongues sloshing together, like they would never see each other again, like it was their last night on earth. 

Craig was a perfect kisser, he had unusually soft lips for a boy. He used the right amount of tongues and his technique had her swooning. She just wished he had his hair down, so that she could run her fingers through it but that would probably send her over the edge - she had a fetish for boys with long hair. 

For some reason, despite her lack of tits and sexual experience, South Park High's number one wanted her.  **HER**. Tweek couldn't get her head around it. At that moment she didn't care if she was an experiment. She didn't care if she was a bet. 

Craig Tucker had called her sexy. 

 

* * *

 

"I'm not in the mood," Wendy said, shrugging away from Stan's grasp. 

"You never are," Stan huffed. Usually, he wouldn't comment on Wendy's lack of interest in sex, he wasn't that much of an asshole, but it had been months since they had been intimate with each other and he was fed up at being on the receiving end of a permanent cold shoulder.

"What's that supposed to fucking mean?" Wendy took the bait, "Are you sex shaming me!?" She said in a shrill voice. 

"You actually have to be having sex to be shamed for it..." Stan mumbled. He regretted it instantly, seeing the look on Wendy's face... or did he? This was bullshit. A relationship was supposed to be two-sided. Sure, relationships had their rocky moments but you also had to have some good moments to make them worth it, right? Stan scanned his memory to think of the last good moment he and Wendy had shared together but fell short. The raven-haired girl just made him fucking miserable. 

Oh, there were the times that Wendy would gush over him, of course. Like when they won a game and Stan would be subject to the town's praise. But even he wasn't stupid enough not to see that it was all an act. She liked Stan when it suited her - when she wanted to brag about going out with SPH's quarterback, when she was able to tell people that she would be going to prom with a 'soon-to-be state champion', and when she would wear his letterman to warn off other girls. Stan was Wendy's toy that she was bored of until someone else tried to play with him. He was like an escort but without the sex. No, he wasn't even that. Escorts had the upper hand. He was Wendy's sex slave, without the sex. 

He thought about all the shit he did for her. When she would call him up at ridiculous times in the day and make him bring her ice cream or chocolate or a pumpkin spiced latte OR any other ridiculous thing she thought of on the spot. 'Thanks babe, K, bye!' she would say in an overly drawn out needy whine before abruptly ending the call before he even had the chance to say no. But he wouldn't fucking say no. He was Wendy's fucking doormat, he was under the thumb, he was a fucking idiot. 

His brain scanned through the catalog of memories he had of Wendy. When he had worn that ridiculous costume on Halloween, even though he knew he looked like a grade A dickhead. The countless arguments he had had with his best friend over her behaviour and treatment of him. Forgiving her after she had left him for Craig and then bragged about how the sex was 'sooooooo' much better than it had been with Stan.  

It suddenly became overwhelmingly obvious to Stan that he needed out of this 'relationship', like right now.  

Fuck this. 

It was like someone had finally found the light switch in his head, after years of being kept in the dark. And when they had flipped it, Stan had snapped out of his ten-year trance. 

He knew why he had stayed with Wendy. But being with someone as a distraction for a shit home life was no excuse. Especially when being with that person only made him feel worse. Kyle was right. He deserved to be loved. He wanted to be loved. Wendy didn't love him. 

"You're a fucking asshole, do you know that?" Wendy sneered, snapping Stan's attention back to her. "I cannot believe you would make me feel bad for not wanting to have sex with you. You're no better than a fucking rapist," she spat. Normally, Stan would flinch whenever Wendy's harsh tongue would rip into him, which was often. But this time he stared back at her with an impassive face. 

"Then why are you with me?" He said coolly. 

"Excuse me?" Wendy's face contorted from fake rage, into actual fury. 

"I said, then why are you with me? If I'm such an asshole and no better than a rapist, why the fuck are you dating me?" Stan said clearly and slowly. He suddenly wasn't intimidated by Wendy - what's the worst thing she could do? Dump him? Ha. She'd be doing him a favour. 

He watched as Wendy's face went through several emotions: anger, shock, worry, back to anger, as she scanned her brain for what to say next. 

"I honestly don't fucking know sometimes," she finally said in anger. Rage was always the emotion that won out with Wendy Testaburger. 

"Then don't be." Stan shrugged. He watched as Wendy's face fell back into shock, her mouth comically falling open in surprise. 

"Wh-what?!" She managed to stammer. 

Stan sighed, so he was going to have to be the one to do it, "I said, don't be. Don't date me anymore. We're kidding ourselves if we think that we're happy." 

Wendy blinked several times, looking at Stan with a furrowed brow as she processed what he had just said to her. She licked her lips nervously, "You're not happy?" 

Stan barked out a harsh laugh, "You are!?" 

Wendy winced at Stan's reaction. Where had this sudden behaviour come from? Fuck. This wasn't meant to happen. Stan was her safety net. She had counted on always having him to fall back on. The house of cards Wendy had built and maintained for so long was quickly tumbling before her eyes. as Stan continued.  

"Look, we had a good run. What was it, ten years give or take?" Stan smiled kindly, aware that Wendy had uncharacteristically lost her voice and trying to be as gentle as possible, "But like... I think it's time, to um, you know....stop..." Stan faltered at the last sentence. He had never been the one to do the dumping, that was always Wendy's job and she was good at it. You would have thought that he would have picked up some tips over the years, considering how many times Wendy had ended it with him, "For, like...good," he concluded. 

Wendy was speechless. She had never seen him like this before. 'For good', the words rang heavy in her ears. She continued to blink at him, her mouth was still open in shock... ten years. She swallowed hard, "Right," she managed to say. Wendy had only ever been dumped once before and it had been the worst experience of her short life.  Until now. She had never thought that she would ever have to worry about Stan because Stan loved her and it was nice to be loved. Even if he wasn't the person that she wanted to be loved by. She took comfort in having Stan as her boyfriend, he was inoffensive and boringly predictable. Sure, she maybe used him a little, but what girlfriend didn't? She thought about the way she had treated him over the last year - had she really been that bad? He had taken her back, no questions asked when she had been dumped by Craig, when she had desperately needed to feel loved by someone. Stan had been there. He had always been there and she had been...well, let's be honest. She had been a cunt to him. 

"So, um, yeah, I'll see you," Stan said, standing up from the bed and taking his letterman jacket from the back of her dressing table chair. He thought he should say something a little more profound than, 'I'll see you' but unfortunately, years of Wendy's constant belittling of him and left him with nothing else to give to the girl. She was lucky he hadn't flipped her off on his way out. 

She didn't know how, but she knew this time was different. This wasn't like the countless times before, when she had ended it, on her terms,  when he had always begged her to take him back which she always did. Because Stan was her puppet and she was the puppet master. But now, he had cut his strings. This was it, and nothing she could say was going to change his mind. She couldn't afford a repeat of the time she had begged Craig. She couldn't be humiliated again. She wouldn't cry, scream or plead. She wouldn't let Stan see that. So instead, she sat quietly on her bed and watched him leave, letterman jacket and all.  

Ten years. 

Ten years ending with, "I'll see you." 

Wendy would have burst into tears if she hadn't been so furious. 

Ten fucking years.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, can we talk?" Kyle had cornered Tweek at her locker just before lunch. It had been nine days since they had spoken last. Since Kyle had sneered at her and caused her meltdown. 

Tweek swallowed. She hated confrontation and didn't think she was ready to face Kyle's disgusted glare again. Even though Nurse 'Just pop in' had reassured her that she was always welcome, she wanted to limit her panic attacks to as few as possible. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I was a dick," Kyle said quickly. Not quickly, like he wanted to rush his apology out, but quickly because he was scared she was going to Usain Bolt down the hallway. 

Tweek looked around uncomfortably, refusing to meet his gaze. She held the folder she had in her arms tighter to her chest, protectively, waiting for the redhead's onslaught. 

"I did believe the rumours about you, and I'm sorry," Kyle continued his apology albeit slower than before, satisfied that the blonde was going to hear him out. "I know you probably don't want to talk to me ever again but, like... I just wanted you to know that, I am really sorry." Okay he needed to cool it with the 's' word or it would sound disingenuous. 

After a while, Tweek finally looked up to meet his eyes. She hadn't been expecting an apology. 

"Okay," she said, throwing the redhead a small smile. 

Kyle looked instantly relieved, "So yeah. I'm sorry. I'll um, I'll see you." He turned to walk away. 

"Kyle, wait!" She grabbed his arm to stop the redhead from escaping. He turned to her with a hopeful look on his face. "Of course I'll talk to you again, you idiot," she smiled at him. 

Kyle quickly dropped the frown he had pulled at being called an idiot, "So, um, do you like, forgive me?" 

"Hmmm," Tweek looked away, pretending to think hard when really, she was thrilled that Kyle was speaking to her again. She twisted her mouth from side to side, "Yeah okay. BUT...you have to come to a Slipknot concert with me tonight, as punishment for being a dick." 

Kyle blinked at her, his eyebrow furrowing, "Slipknot? Are you serious...? What about Jason?"  

"Jason can't, he said something about an infected tattoo and moshpits. Marj is grounded before you offer her services, and Millie said she would rather die. So that just leaves you, unfortunately." Tweek sighed dramatically,  "And as you need to make it up to me, let's say, I'll pick you up at 5.00," Tweek concluded with a grin. 

Kyle was about to protest and call on Kevin and Jimmy as substitutes but then he thought about the blonde's proposal. A rock concert which was no doubt in Denver, a 2-hour car journey away which would mean he would get to spend four hours alone in a car with her. Hell, Kyle would go to a 1000 shitty rock concerts if it meant that he got to spend alone time with Tallulah. 

"Fine." He forced himself to be annoyed even though internally he was screaming with excitement. Now to just convince his mother to let him go... 

Tweek jumped and grabbed his arm, "I'll buy us dinner too!" 

"I see. You're gonna take me out to dinner before you destroy my ears with noise." 

"It's not noise!" 

Kyle snorted in disbelief. 

"You will see. By tomorrow, you'll be their number one fan," Tweek teased. 

Kyle rolled his eyes, "I sincerely doubt that."

 

* * *

 

"Absolutely not, bubblah, it's a school night!" Sheila Broflovski shrieked at her eldest son. She was stood in the kitchen preparing dinner. 

"Mom, please!" Kyle begged - he had asked so nicely too. 

"No Kyle, I'm sorry but you know the rules."  

"But I've done all my homework..." He watched as his mom shook her head again, "Ma please, you don't understand!" Kyle was desperate. He didn't know how he would tell Tweek that he couldn't go. How embarrassing would that be? A 17-year-old boy not being allowed out, just because it was a school night. God dammit, why did he have to have such an overprotective Jewish mother?  

"Please - I'll be home by 11," Kyle lied. He knew the concert wouldn't finish until late - it would probably be like 1am when he got home but he would suffer the consequences later. 

Sheila made a disapproving noise, as she started peeling potatoes, "Who even is this girl?" 

Kyle cringed, his 12-year-old brother was sat at the kitchen table and even though he had his eyes glued to his Nintendo DS, Kyle knew he was listening intently. 

"Um, my friend. Tallulah... Tallulah Tweek, her parents own Tweek Coffee." Kyle said in a low voice. 

His mother stopped peeling the potatoes and turned to look at him. She searched his face and a look of understanding washed over her, "You like this girl?" 

Kyle blushed hard and gave her a pleading look, a look that said, 'Please ma, not in front of Ike'. 

"Well, I want to meet her first," she smiled, returning to peeling the potatoes. 

"Seriously?!" 

"Oh yes," she stopped mid peel and turned, pointing the knife at him, "If you think I'm just going to let you get into a stranger's car and go off to Denver to watch death metal you have another think coming!" 

Kyle watched as the knife got dangerously close to his face with every point his mother made. He knew it was best not to argue. 

"Fine."

 

* * *

 

**Stan 4.30pm:**  Dude, you free tonight? x 

**Kyle 4.32pm:**  Nah dude, sorry x 

**Stan 4.32pm:**  Lame. You studying? x

**Kyle 4.33pm:**  Nope, going to a concert with Tweek x 

**Stan 4.33pm:** Nice, dude. Have fun x 

Kyle threw his phone down on the side of his nightstand. His room was littered with items of his clothing which he had launched everywhere. He had practically pulled out his entire closet, agonising over what to wear for the concert. Jesus, he was worse than a girl.  

He had been to concerts before but never to a heavy metal concert. He should have asked to borrow something of Stan's from his goth phase. Kyle didn't really own any dark clothing as most of his outfits had been purchased for him by his mother who had an obsession with The GAP. She always opted for quality over style, although it never really bothered him. He had never really cared how he dressed but he was suddenly very conscious about his appearance. 

He had finally decided on a plain black t-shirt and dark blue skinny jeans, that were a bit too tight, as he had last worn them when he was a Junior. Thankfully he hadn't had a growth spurt for a while, so could still pull them off. The really skinny look was in, right? 

Tweek was going to be here soon and he still hadn't told her she had to meet his parents. He grabbed his phone from the dresser and opened WhatsApp. 

**Kyle 4.47pm:** So when you get here. You kinda have to meet my parents 

**Tweek 4.47pm:** What!? Why? 

**Kyle 4.47pm:** Because they are horrendously overprotective 

**Tweek 4.48pm:**  Eurghhhh.....Ok. Setting off now x 

**Kyle 4.48pm:** See you soon x

 

* * *

 

Tweek was hesitant as she pulled up outside Kyle's house. She wasn't very good with social interactions. In fact, she was terrible at them, especially meeting parents, it crippled her. 

After fighting with herself for a good five minutes, she reluctantly turned her engine off and walked slowly up to the door, ringing the Broflovski's doorbell with a shaking hand. 

She heard someone shouting 'I'll get it' from the inside, which she recognised as Kyle's voice, however, when the door flew open it wasn't Kyle stood there, it was his father. 

"You must be Tallulah," Mr Broflovski smiled, "Come on in." 

She managed to smile back at him and sheepishly accepted his offer to come inside. She noticed Kyle at the bottom of the stairs, looking like he'd just run a marathon. She smiled at him, "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Kyle smiled back. 

She noticed a young boy sat on the sofa staring at her. He had jet black hair and was clutching a Nintendo DS in his hand. She smiled at him and he blushed hard. 

"Hello Tallulah, I'm Kyle's mother, Sheila," a large redheaded woman, appeared from the kitchen, holding a large knife. Like one from a slasher film. Kyle had said he had overprotective parents but Jesus Christ... Tweek eyed the knife cautiously. 

"And I'm Kyle's father Gerald." 

Tweek jumped a little, as Kyle's father pulled her focus away from the knife. She managed another smiled and heard herself say, "It's nice to meet you." She was lying. It was horrific to meet anyone. She would happily spend the rest of her days living as a hermit if she could get away with it. 

"So Kyle tells me you're going to a concert," Sheila said, looking over Tweek's choice of outfit with a slight frown. Fuck. Tweek had forgotten that she was wearing a Slipknot T-shirt with the words, "People = Shit" on it. She had been that nervous at the prospect of meeting Kyle's parents, she had totally forgotten to make sure she threw her hoody on before she got out of the car. She folded her arms trying to obscure the shirt. But the damage had been done. People=Shit.

"Yes, um, yes we are," she stammered. Fuck. She had totally blown first impressions with the Broflovskis. 

"Mm-hmm" Sheila nodded, still looking the blonde up and down with a slight frown. 

Tweek stood there feeling like she was on display at the zoo. She had at least three pairs of eyes on her, including Kyle's younger brother who seemed to find her fascinating. 

"So I'll see you later," Kyle announced suddenly. He had turned about seven shades of red watching the exchange. 

Sheila turned her attention to her son, who was shuffling Tweek to the door, "Okay bubbleh, please be careful," she strode over to Kyle, planting a wet kiss on his cheek and leaving a bright red lipstick stain, "I love you." 

Kyle yanked his face away from his mother's grip, "Ma!" 

Tweek heard Kyle's dad call after them and could have sworn she heard Kyle's mom say something about her 'baby boy and his first date', but Kyle was pulling her out of the house at an alarmingly fast rate and before she knew it they were stood on his porch. 

"I'm sorry you had to endure that," Kyle said, as soon as the front door was closed behind them. He had flushed an even deeper shade of red if that was possible. 

"It's okay," Tweek smiled, it had been cute watching the exchange between Kyle and his mother. She forgot that not everyone had laid back parents like she did, "Do you think she hates me for the t-shirt?" she said. 

"No, she'll hate you for corrupting me with your death metal." 

"Hmm, she shouldn't worry. I will take good care of her 'bubbleh'," Tweek grinned. 

Kyle shoved her playfully. 

"Fuck off."

 

* * *

 

Tweek was concentrating hard on the road on the drive back to South Park. Kyle was under the impression that she was a nervous driver and no doubt the dimly lit freeway caused her concern. He watched as every three seconds the beam of orange light from the overhead street lamps would illuminate her face - her eyes fixed firmly ahead, before it would disappear, plunging her back into darkness.  

He had to admit that he had actually rather enjoyed the concert, despite having a near heart attack at being told they didn't have seated tickets. 'We're standing?' he had said to her, panic written all over his face when they headed to the floor section of the arena. 'Of course', she had grinned at him, taking him by the hand and leading him into the throng of sweaty moshers. 

When a rather terrifying mosh pit had broken out, Kyle had all but bolted for the exit. Luckily for him, Tweek was accustomed to the environment that a heavy metal concert provided, and gently moved him to safety, all the while nodding her head and screaming the words. 

As the concert progressed, he found himself getting more and more into it. He had even dared to whip his phone out to film the blonde for his Instagram story, as she went mad when they played one of her favourite songs. However, he had quickly put the phone away, when another mosh pit broke out. He understood why Jason had taken a rain check on the festivities. 

"Okay. I admit it, that was kinda fun," he said, looking ahead at the busy freeway, "Kinda fun. But also kinda terrifying." 

Tweek grinned, "I told you, you would like it. So are you, like Slipknot's number one fan now?" 

"I wouldn't go that far. I mean, I couldn't really tell when the song changed but you know, it was different." 

Tweek scowled, amusement dancing on her features, "You could so tell when the song changed." 

"We'll agree to disagree...but you're wrong," Kyle said matter of factly. 

"You're not in debate club now," Tweek grinned. 

"I'm always in debate club." 

Tweek laughed and it was like music to Kyle's ears. 

"Plug my phone in and open Spotify," she commanded. 

"Why?" 

"I wanna show you a song by them, that's different to what you heard tonight." 

"Oh god, more Slipknot... please no." 

"Just shut up and plug the phone in," she said, still grinning at the road ahead. 

"Fine. What song?" 

"It's called 'Snuff'" 

"That sounds delightful," he said sarcastically. 

"Fuck off and listen," She said, exaggerating a shush when he tried to point out what she had said was contradictory. 

They listened to the song for a full minute before the redhead spoke again. 

"This is Slipknot?" 

Tweek smiled, "Yep. It's one of my favourite songs." 

"It's not bad," Kyle reluctantly agreed. 

They sat in silence, letting the music fill the car. Kyle concentrated on the lyrics, they were quite deep for a band who he thought just screamed about death and misery. 

"Okay, your turn to choose," Tweek said after the song had finished. 

Kyle started flicking through different playlists. He was going to put on something that he hoped would impress her, something like Muse or the Arctic Monkeys, when a notification flashed up on the screen. 

**Motherfuckertucker 11.35pm:** Why didn't you tell me about the concert? 

Kyle stared at the phone, a confused look falling on his face. He re-read the notification several times before it disappeared from the screen. 

"Um...why is Craig Tucker messaging you?" 

"What?!" Tweek darted her head to face him before flinging it back to concentrate on the road. Her usually pale skin flushed scarlet. 

"He's asked you why you didn't tell him about the concert...but why would you?" Kyle asked slowly. Surely, it was a mistake. 

"Um..." she stammered, she couldn't think of an excuse quick enough, "Um..." she bit her lip, a pleading look washed over her face, "Please don't tell anyone." 

Kyle sat there in stunned silence. He was speechless. Tweek was seeing Craig Tucker. But how? They never spoke at school... they went out of their way to ignore each other. How the fuck had it come about? Shit. Biology. That time they had been partners...when he had passed up the opportunity to work with her because he was mad at her. No. He had to be wrong. Please let him be wrong. 

"Are you serious? You and Craig?!" He looked at her pleadingly. Please deny it, he thought, please. 

She nodded and he felt his heart sink again, just like it had done in the diner when Stan had told him about the goth. Kyle seemed to be always the bridesmaid never the fucking bride. He had missed his chance, again. 

"How?" he managed to force out, "Was it Biology?" 

"What? Oh...um... no...Um...I dunno, it kinda...it kinda just happened," Tweek said meekly. She was still sporting a nice red skin tone, "He like carried me home after the party, and um, made sure I was okay..." 

"I bet he fucking did," Kyle spat. 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"He's a dick. Do you know how many girls he's been with?" Kyle said furiously. He was letting his emotions get the fucking best of him...again. 

Tweek cringed. Yes she did know he had had girls plural. Kyle didn't have to fucking remind her. 

"I know he has a reputation," she began but was cut off by the redhead. 

"Reputation?! Ha! He fucking collects virgins for fun," Kyle was seething. Out of everyone in South Park High, she had chosen Craig Tucker. Fucking Craig Tucker. Life just wasn't fair. 

They sat in silence for a while, Kyle silently raging in his seat, Tweek staring at the road with a sad look on her face. He didn't want to make her sad, not after they had only just made friends again. 

"I'm sorry...it's just," he sighed. He didn't want Tweek to get hurt and Craig was infamous for breaking girls' hearts. That's why the fatass called him HBK. To think that the fucker could and would most likely end up hurting her, made Kyle want to punch him in his stupid, perfect face. 

"I care about you," he said in a soft voice. He had turned to look out of the window at the cars speeding past on the opposite side of the freeway. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her. He wanted to tell her that she was so much better than Craig. He wanted to tell her that it should be him. But he didn't. 

"I know you do," Tweek said in a small voice. 

Kyle sighed heavily, 'No you don't', he thought. 'You have no idea.'

 

* * *

 

When she wasn't kissing Craig, she was thinking about kissing Craig. 

It had been nearly two weeks since they had started their little rendezvous and Tweek's life seemed to be made up of moments spent kissing and moments spent not kissing. There was no in between. Her school work had taken a bad hit and she was convinced that her friends knew something was up. 

"Where've you been?" Marj asked for the third time that week, as Tweek appeared at their lunch table, drastically late, again and looking slightly disheveled.  

"Um, I had to make a phone call," Tweek said, thinking quickly.  

Millie snorted and tried to pass it off as a cough when Tweek looked her way. Kyle hadn't said anything had he? She looked over to the redhead, who was jabbing his spoon into his yoghurt with a frown on his face. No, he promised he wouldn't. 

She had met Craig in their usual spot and had been more eager than usual to see him, after their argument the night before (the fallout from the concert she had attended with Kyle and not told him about). She had been secretly happy that he had been jealous of Kyle, as it confirmed that maybe she wasn't a bet or an experiment, maybe he did like kissing her after all. He had been particularly rough with her today, sucking hard on her neck, like he was trying to mark his territory. It was quite a turn on if she was honest with herself and instead of touching her lips to remember the sensation, her fingers went to the spot on her neck that had had Craig's mouth attached to, mere moments before. 

She sat down next to Marj who turned to speak to her about tomorrow's talent show. 

"Can I come to yours after practice to show you my routine," her best friend asked her. 

"Yes! I'm excited to see it," Tweek clapped. Marj had been grounded for almost a week, as she had forgotten to take the washing out, and hadn't been able to hang out with Tweek at all. Tweek was so grateful that her parents didn't care enough to ground her for trivial things. In fact, she had never been grounded in her life. She could probably get away with doing a line of coke in front of her parents and still not be scolded for it. They'd probably join in, or offer her some LSD instead. 

"I was thinking I could borrow some of your-" Marj stopped mid-sentence and gasped. 

Tweek jumped at the gasp and turned to her best friend to see what all the fuss was about. Her eyes narrowed in confusion when she saw that Marj was staring at her neck. It took her all of two seconds to understand why and her fingers instinctively shot up to the area that Craig had worked on. Fuck. 

Marj gawked at Tweek incredulously, searching her eyes for an answer. She knew it couldn't have been the work by the goth kid, Pete, as that ship had spectacularly sailed into oblivion. And Jimmy, Jason, Kevin and Kyle were all present at the table, ruling them out (which was practically everyone that Tweek knew). So then...who could it be? 

Tweek felt herself growing warm and knew she had turned bright red. She couldn't look at her best friend, as she couldn't think of an excuse to give her. Instead, she looked away, scanning the room for a viable candidate, when at that moment, Craig entered the cafeteria and the distinctive voice of Kenny McCormick shouted, "Where the fuck have you been?" 

Marj's eyes widened, as she looked from Tweek to Craig and back again. 

Fuck. The jig was up. Tweek gave her best friend a pleading look, like the way she had done with Kyle the night before. Fuck. She had promised Craig she wouldn't tell anyone and had managed to let slip to two people in less than 24 hours. 

She reached into her bag to take out her compact mirror and nearly dropped it when she saw what Marj had been looking at. 

She had a hickey the size of Texas on her neck.

 

* * *

 

Tweek, Kyle, Kevin, Jason and Millie made sure to get to the talent show nice and early in order to bag good seats. 

Both Jimmy and Marj had entered the show, so the rest of the group were there to show their support. 

The auditorium was packed full of spectators and Tweek saw that Kenny and Clyde had dragged Craig along. They were sat a few rows behind her group - Kenny had waved eagerly when he had spotted her which she returned with a smile. Craig ignored her completely. 

They had to sit through a dozen painful acts (including a freshman playing the tuba) before Jimmy took to the stage for his comedy sketch. 

He was absolutely hilarious and did a whole skit about being the 'right amount of handicapped' which had the audience in stitches. 

"I'm a functioning cr-cr-cripple, and I don't like to be he-he-helped. I believe in equal op-opportunities. But if I need to park right outside the mall, you better believe I'm using that disabled b-b-bay. You can t-t-take your equal opportunities and shove them up your ass." 

He even managed to get a standing ovation to which he made one final comment about people rubbing it in that they had two functioning legs. He was simply fantastic. 

Unfortunately, the vocal stylings of Bebe Stevens followed and Tweek cringed her small tits off, as Bebe warbled through a rendition of Ariana Grande's 'Into You', which she dedicated to her 'perfect boyfriend', Clyde. Eww. 

Tweek had snorted loudly when Kyle turned to her and pretended to stick his fingers down his throat. 

When the painful three and a half minutes were finally up, Tweek's group of friends did that awkward slow clap you do when you don't want to clap but are forced to because of society's expectations. She heard Clyde whooping loudly behind her. 

"When's Marj on?" Millie leaned over Jason to ask Tweek, who had the programme which looked like it had been made on Microsoft Publisher. Whoever had made it, had made sure to use an excessive amount of clipart. It had also been printed on cheap computer paper. No expense spared, Tweek thought. Despite how hideous it was, she was still going to keep it for her memory box which she had already started adding to. It currently held a group polaroid shot from Halloween and a slipknot concert ticket. However, the horrendous, made on paint, talent show booklet would soon be part of that inventory. 

"Um, she's on after the next act!" Tweek said excitedly, although her mood quickly changed when she realised what the next act was. 

"Please welcome to the stage, 'Vantablack", the announcer said, as Pete and the rest of the goth kids appeared from behind the red curtains.  

Fucking 'Vantablack' the blackest colour there was. How very 'goth' of them. 

There was an awkward couple of minutes, as the goth kids had to set up their instruments and amps, and soon, the silent auditorium broke out into loud chatter. 

Eventually, Pete coughed loudly into the microphone, "One, two...one.. two...." He flipped his bangs out of his face and Tweek rolled her eyes, "We are Vantablack." The audience became silent once more "....and this song is called Coffee Barbie." He flipped his bangs again and counted the band in. 

Fuck. 

Tweek slunk down in her seat, she was aware that her friends had turned to look at her. 

The song started and Pete began to sing. He didn't have a bad voice, Tweek thought, it was actually quite nice. Well, it would have been if it was singing any other fucking song. She cringed, listening to the lyrics: 

"Your popcorn kisses had me fooled, but at the end of the day, I was just one of your tools. Another notch on your bedpost, another conquest you could claim. Your cold caffeine heart was surely to blame. Coffee Barbie - you ripped my heart out and threw it away. Coffee Barbie - now it's my turn to tell you once and for all to sashay away" 

Oh for fuck's sake. Was he being serious? This was worse than fucking Dr Seuss. Not even the nod to Rupaul's Drag Race could fucking save it.   

It was clearly about her. He knew it, she knew it, her fucking friends knew it. He might as well have said, "This song's called Tallulah India Tweek." God, what a fucking asshole. She had to endure what felt like four hours but was more like four minutes of the dreadful song, before Pete warbled 'Coffee Barbie' one final time. 

The song had ended and she was well aware that she probably resembled a radish. Her friends did the slow clap again to show allegiance to her but the rest of the audience clapped normally. Like it was a good song. Were they idiots? She wanted to shout, 'he fucking rhymed away...with away! You fucking simpletons!" 

She was furious. How dare he write a song about her?! He was not the victim in this. He was the one who had called her a slut and tried to stick his dick in the popcorn. 'Notch on your bedpost'? You are dreaming, son, she thought to herself. They didn't even get to second base, let alone participate in the horizontal tango. 

It was because she made the comment about his bangs, wasn't it? She had hit him where it hurt and he had reacted with writing a fictitious song about her. She had never felt more of an urge to get up on stage in retaliation.  Like when Eamon brought out that song, 'Fuck It (I don't want you back)' and his allegedly 'ex-girlfriend' had released the similar, 'Fuck you right back' immediately afterward. That's what she could do...Her onstage, bashing a tambourine and singing about 'Cup of Tea Ken'. Her lyrics would be better though, like, she wouldn't rhyme away, with away for a start. 

What a bellend. 

She had buried herself deep in her chair, half seething with rage, half cringing in mortification.  

Kyle kept glancing at her, looking like he wanted to say something reassuring. He finally settled on, "It's Marj's turn next!" And Tweek felt instantly better. 

Fuck Pete.  

This is what she'd come for, to see her best friend get up and shake a shimmy. 

"Please welcome to the stage, our next act, Marjorine Stotch!" 

Her group went wild, whooping and cheering, as Marj walked out onto the stage. 

She was wearing a black leotard with a fitted black sparkling tailcoat over the top, black fishnet stockings and a black top hat. All black, everything. She looked absolutely incredible. 

She took her position in the centre of the stage and waited for the music to hit. 

Tweek was grinning from ear to ear at her best friend, and she shot Kyle a proud glance, which he returned with his own huge smile. 

The music started and Marj instantly sprung to life with her routine. Tweek was in awe, it was even better than the practice she had witnessed the night before. Marj was a natural, hitting her steps with precision and pizzazz. 

Tweek was bobbing along with the beat, without realising she was doing so. She followed every step her best friend made and held her breathe, as Marj went for her penultimate move, which she had told her, was her most complicated one. She needn't have worried though, as Marj executive it perfectly. When she threw her hands up in her final pose, Tweek, Kyle, Kevin, Millie and Jason jumped to their feet applauding and screaming. 

Tweek turned her head to Kenny, to see that he was also on his feet, whistling with his two fingers in his mouth. He caught her eye and grinned at her, he looked so proud of Marj it hurt Tweek's heart a little bit to see. Craig was still sitting, although he was clapping and had allowed a small smile to grace his face. 

 

* * *

 

They were patiently waiting for Marj and Jimmy after the show. Marj had been awarded second place, to Jimmy's first but Tweek knew she would be over the moon with the result. 

"Well if it isn't Coffee Barbie," Kenny grinned at her. He had sauntered over with Craig and Clyde in tow, obviously to wait for his girlfriend. Tweek noticed that Clyde looked miserable - Bebe had failed to place at all which probably meant that she was unlikely to put out or something. Craig was looking everywhere else but at her. He really took the 'keep it private' thing seriously. Like, seriously, saying 'hello' couldn't hurt, right? It's not like people would know that they had been surgically attached to each other's face if he gave her a simple polite greeting. She didn't know why but it kind of annoyed her. He couldn't even look at her. 

"Fuck off," she rolled her eyes at Kenny, a light blush dusted her cheeks.

"I hope he's going to pay you fucking royalties," Kenny said, his grin still prominent. 

"Don't worry, I'll get my lawyer onto it," she nudged Kyle's shoulder playfully. 

"I'm writing a cease and desist letter as we speak," Kyle nodded. She was glad they were speaking again, she had missed him. Even though he had been a little off with her since she had confessed about Craig. Both she and Kenny laughed at his admission and she noticed Craig shooting her a warning look. 

He had already scolded her for going to a concert with the redhead, 'How would you feel if I went somewhere with a random girl?' He had said. She didn't like to point out that he had been many places with many different girls, including around the bases umpteen times, so instead she had said, 'But Kyle isn't a random boy. He's my friend.' He had sulked for a while and given her the silent treatment (via Instagram messages of course), but was still waiting for her in their usual spot, the next day at break. 

Plus, they hadn't really said what they were. It wasn't like they were boyfriend and girlfriend. He didn't want anyone to know about them. The more she thought about it the more pissed off she became. Who the fuck did he think he was? He couldn't say 'hello' to her but he could tell her who she could and couldn't hang out with? Bullshit. She decided to amp up her interactions with Kyle, solely for his benefit. 

She turned her laugh into a girlish giggle and placed a hand on Kyle's shoulder, "Thanks for having my back." 

Kyle was a bit taken aback by the sudden body contact and blushed hard. "Always," he said with a genuine smile. 

Her eyes flitted back to Craig who was glaring at her. She knew he was furious. He quickly looked away to Clyde and said something in the brunette's ear. 

"Nah dude, I have to wait for Bebe," Clyde said. He sounded thoroughly depressed. 

"You're not coming to Ronny's?" Kenny looked over to Craig. 

"Nah, dude. I'm gonna head off," Craig said. 

"Oh...okay," Kenny looked disappointed. 

"I'll text you tomorrow," Craig said, before turning and leaving. 

Tweek watched him leave, he didn't even say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"So...how long have you been seeing Craig for?" Kenny took a long sip of his milkshake. 

Tweek dropped her fork in surprise, "You told him!?" she turned to her best friend who was sheepishly munching on a mouthful of pancakes. Her second place trophy was taking pride of place in the center of the table 

"I'm sorry, I cracked," she said, placing a hand over her mouth to stop unwanted bits of pancake flying out. 

Kenny, Marj and Tweek were sat in a booth at Ronny's. Tweek had reluctantly accepted their invitation after the rest of her friends had bailed. She didn't want to be the third wheel but Marj and Kenny insisted that she wouldn't be. She now knew why. 

"Um...two weeks...well three weeks if you count the day after the party..." Tweek said. She had turned fuschia at the confession. 

Both Kenny and Marj's eyes widened. 

"That little fucker. He said nothing had happened," Kenny said, slamming down his glass. 

"Well...he isn't lying...we just, you know...kissed," she kept her eyes planted on her pancakes - she had suddenly lost her appetite. 

"So what are you?"Kenny asked, "Like are you going out? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?" 

Tweek shook her head, "No...no. We're just seeing each other. Craig doesn't want anyone to know." 

Kenny and Marj shot each other a worried look. 

"What?" Tweek said. 

"Nothing!" They shouted in unison. 

Tweek eyed them carefully. It definitely wasn't 'nothing'. 

 

* * *

 

"Hey dude. Just so you know, I turned down the opportunity to go for milkshakes with Tweek for this. That's how much you mean to me." Kyle said, as he was putting his seatbelt on in Stan's car. 

Stan had picked him up after the show with the promise of pizza. Plus he had told the redhead he needed to talk and Kyle always made time for his best friend.

"Thanks, dude, I appreciate it," Stan smiled widely at him. 

Kyle looked at Stan and thought there was something different about him. He seemed happy? Like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was a good look on him. 

"You seem happy, dude," Kyle said, thinking that maybe he had received a college offer or like his Dad had got his license back or something. 

"I am dude. I am," Stan grinned. 

"Any reason?"  

"I dumped Wendy." 

"What have you done this time for her- wait what?" Kyle's mouth fell open in surprise. Had he heard correctly? 

"I dumped Wendy" Stan repeated.

"You!? YOU dumped HER?" Kyle couldn't hide the surprise from his voice. In the ten years, his best friend had entertained the raven-haired girl, he had never been the one to do the dumping. 

Stan grinned, "Yeah dude. We're over. Like indefinitely." 

"Seriously?!" 

Stan nodded, "Seriously." 

Kyle grinned at his best friend, "Ding dong the witch is dead."

 

* * *

 

Tweek had been meaning to talk to Millie since Monday, since the strawberry blonde had caught her and Craig in the act. 

They had met on the corridor and were walking down to their usual spot when Millie ran into them. They had both jumped in surprise and Craig abruptly let go of Tweek's hand at the sight of the strawberry blonde girl.  

Millie and Tweek exchanged a painfully awkward greeting shortly after, before Millie had darted away, leaving the pair to their business. Tweek had to reassure Craig that Millie wouldn't tell anyone but he was still on edge and had decided it was best if they skip that day's session altogether. Tweek had been annoyed. Was it really that much of a big deal? 

"Hey," she said, finding Millie stood alone at her locker. 

"Hey, what's up," Millie said with a devilish grin, like she definitely already knew what was up.

"Um... about Monday," Tweek began. She was nervous but didn't know why. It was only Millie she was speaking to. 

"Look don't mention it. What happens on the corridor, stays on the corridor. You know?" Millie waggled her eyebrows at her. 

Tweek smiled, relieved. "Thanks." 

"So, using South Park High's number one eh? I'm proud of you," Millie grinned. 

"Using him?" Tweek asked. 

"Well I mean, that's why you take him down there, right? Because you don't want anyone to know? I mean, that's the only reason people go down there...to keep, you know..." Millie hushed her voice to a whisper and placed her hand on the side of her cheek, "Dirty secrets."   

Tweek's face fell at Millie's words. 

"Oh." Millie said, realisation dawning on her. "Um...well not, all the time, but um..." she kept on digging the hole she had made. 

"Have you seen Craig down there before?" Tweek interrupted Millie. 

"Um...." Millie squirmed uncomfortably. 

Tweek closed her eyes slowly before opening them and inhaling deeply, "How many girls?" 

Millie sighed, "A few." 

Tweek bit her lip, "Right." 

"Look if it's any consolation, I'm also, well was, like...the um, 'The dirty secret'." 

"Was?"  

"Um yeah...I ended things." Millie shrugged. 

"Why?" 

Millie offered Tweek a kind smile, "Guess I was tired of being the secret."

 

* * *

 

Tweek decided to test the waters and find out if Millie was right. If Tweek really was Craig's dirty little secret. She found him hanging at their lockers with Clyde and Token by his side. 

Her heart was pounding as she made her way towards the group. Usually, whenever Craig was with his friends, Tweek would act invisible, thinking she was keeping the secret, they both wanted, safe. In reality, she didn't understand why they couldn't tell people. She didn't want to hide away, she wasn't ashamed of him. 

The boys were laughing together at something on Token's phone when she reached them. 

"Craig?"  

They all stopped and looked at her. Token smiled a kind smile at her, Clyde was smirking at her with curiosity, his eyes flitting between her and Craig. Craig had his eyebrows raised at her in a way that said, 'What the fuck are you doing.'  

"Um, could we talk?" She managed to maintain eye contact with the boy whose lips she had been all but glued to for the past three weeks.

A shit-eating grin spread across Clyde's face as he watched Craig's reaction to one of his 'fans'. She felt herself blush, hard. Craig just stared at her with a disgusted look on his face. 

"Um...no?" He finally said in such a condescending manner it made her cringe with embarrassment.  

Clyde snorted with laughter, Token looked at her sympathetically and Craig turned away from her, like she didn't exist. She wanted to die. Her face fell into a mixture of sadness, humiliation and everything in between, as she scurried away as quickly as her short legs would allow. How humiliating. 

That confirmed it. She was the dirty little secret after all.

 

* * *

  
The first thing she did when she got home was put on the episode of 'My So Called Life' that she couldn't stop thinking about. It was ironically entitled, 'Self-Esteem'. She currently didn't have any self-esteem. She had left it by her locker, along with her dignity, and her ability to call Craig Tucker a fucking asshole. 

She was sprawled out on her bed with her phone next to her. She knew he would message her and she knew that she would ignore it. However, she still willed it to ping with the notification, so that she could read what he had to say for himself. The more she thought about the situation, the angrier she grew with herself. 

They hadn't even exchanged phone numbers. They messaged each other via Instagram, like not even Snapchat. Instagram. Who the fuck even did that? It was probably another way to keep her a secret from people. If she wanted to call him, she wouldn't be able to. She was like his mistress or something. She wouldn't be surprised if he had, like a burner phone he used to just contact her on, so that no one would ever find out. 

As the episode wore on, she found it scarily accurate to her own situation. She watched as the show practically mirrored her life: When Jordan took Angela down to the boiler room for secret make-out sessions, so no one would find them; When he left her notes in her locker because it was the early 90s and they didn't have mobile phones; And when he ignored her in front of his friends, humiliating her. 

She had seen the episode a million times. How could she have been so fucking stupid not to see the signs? 

She paused the episode and went for a shower. For some reason, she felt unclean and needed a distraction to her depressing excuse for a life. 

**Motherfuckertucker 7.31pm:** Hey 

The first message pinged through later than she had expected. She had just finished drying her hair, the episode was still on pause, as she couldn't face watching it. Instead, she had one of her go-to sad Spotify playlists blasting out on her speakers. 'Hey'? Fucking 'Hey'? Where was that 'Hey' on Friday night at the talent show? She made sure to leave him on read, or 'seen'. 

**Motherfuckertucker 7.48pm:**? 

She was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling when the next message came through. A simple question mark. _Fuck him. He shouldn't be the one with questions._  

**Motherfuckertucker 8.11pm:** Are you mad at me? 

_No shit, Sherlock._  

**Motherfuckertucker 8.32pm:** I'll take that as a yes. 

_You absolute genius._  

**Motherfuckertucker 8.47pm:** Talk to me 

_Nope._  

**Motherfuckertucker 9.11pm:** Please? 

_Nope._  

**Motherfuckertucker 9.23pm:** :( 

_Not going to work._  

She finally decided to resume the episode and put herself out of her misery. 

She watched as Angela approached Jordan at the pool table he was playing at with his friends and cringed when he told her that she was 'crowding him'. 'I feel your pain' she said in her head, watching as Angela walked away, mortified.  

The next scene showed Angela meeting Jordan in the boiler room again, despite the fact that he had humiliated her.  

She wasn't going to let Craig treat her that way. She wasn't going to be Craig's boiler room bitch. She remembered what Millie had said to her, 'Guess I was tired of being the secret.' 

Tweek was tired too. It may have only been two weeks but she needed to cut ties with Craig before she fell too hard. She continued watching the episode.

"Why are you like this?!" Angela pleaded with Jordan. 

"Like what?!" Jordan asked incredulously. 

"Like how you are!" 

There had never been a more perfect quote to some up Craig Tucker. 

**Motherfuckertucker 10.29pm:** I miss you x 

_Like fuck you do._

 

* * *

 

Craig had the audacity to leave a note in her locker the next morning, asking her to meet him at break, seeing as though she had ignored all of his Instagram messages from the night before. She laughed at how scarily accurately her life was following a fictional character's. But unlike Angela Chase, she would not go to the 'boiler room'. She scrunched the note into a ball, throwing it into a bin on her way to class. 

She didn't see Craig until lunchtime in the cafeteria, where she concentrated hard on ignoring him, even though she knew he kept shooting her furtive glances. She didn't touch her lunch, as her stomach was in knots. She didn't know why she cared as much as she did. She hated that she had fallen hard for Craig. 

She knew it wouldn't work between them and had decided to take Millie's advice and end things there and then.It was better to bow out now than to let the charade continue and risk getting really hurt. Craig had had girls plural. She didn't want to be just a number for his statistics. Or, as Pete gracefully put it, 'just another notch on his bedpost.'

 

* * *

 

"Hey, can we talk?" Craig said. He had appeared at their lockers, without his friends, of course, because, why else would he be speaking to her? 

"Um... no?" Tweek said in a perfect imitation of the way he had said it to her, the day before. 

"I guess I deserve that." 

Tweek didn't say anything, she continued filing her books away, taking out the assignments she needed for that night. 

"Look. It's complicated..." he began. 

"I'll make it very easy for you," she turned to look at him with a forced smile on her face, "Whatever this was... this thing between you and me, it's done. Simple." 

She took great satisfaction in watching his face fall. 

"I don't want it to be done," he said, looking deep into her eyes. 

"You don't have a choice," she said, looking away from his gaze, "I don't want to be one of your plural girls. I'm not your boiler room bitch, okay?" 

Craig threw her a confused look, "What?" 

"I can't do this anymore..." She shook her head and bit her lip, looking towards the floor. 

"Tallulah..." he said pleadingly, placing his hand on her arm. 

Her heart fluttered at the sound of him saying her name. But she still yanked her arm away, "I can't be your dirty little secret anymore." 

"It's not like that..." 

"You asked me, you know that right?" She snapped her head back to look at him. 

"I'm sorry," he offered her. She didn't think she'd ever hear Craig Tucker apologise. 

They stood staring at each other for a while until Clyde broke the tension by calling Craig's name, as he approached the pair. She watched as Craig instinctively stepped back away from her. 

She snorted a laugh at his reaction, and his eyes found hers, silently pleading with her to understand. 

_Understand what? That you're ashamed of me? Yeah, I got that._

She had almost softened to him upon hearing his apology but the moment he had stepped away from her, like she was contagious made the anger return.  

 "Don't worry about it," She said loud enough for Clyde to hear, loud enough for him to know that she was actually speaking to Craig. "Because I'm not." 

She looked Craig in the eye one final time before turning and walking away from him. 

"What the fuck was that about," Clyde slapped a hand on his friend's shoulder with a grin. 

Craig was still looking in Tallulah's direction, watching as she walked away. He turned to Clyde, forcing a smile on his face. 

"Nothing."

* * *

 

**Things referenced in this chapter:**

[My So Called Life - Boiler Room Scene ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InYt5hF0AzQ&t=98s)

[Slipknot - 'Snuff'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUC6sAXza_k)

You should definitely listen to the song, it is rather good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, you should all watch My So Called Life immediately, if you haven't yet done so.


	11. Dreaming is Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn it. I have just resigned myself to the fact that every other chapter is going to be good. 
> 
> Smut warning for y'all too.

“Okay, I’m just gonna come out and say it... I know about you and Tink.” Kenny had his eyes still fixed on the TV, mashing the buttons of the PS4 controller in his hands.

They were sat in Craig’s room, playing Call of Duty, after having just finished Thanksgiving Dinner with Craig’s family. They were ridiculously full and had decided to spend the rest of evening being as lazy as possible.

“What?” Craig said as he made his soldier boarder up a window in an effort to protect them from the swarm of zombies.

Kenny sighed at his friend's denial, “You and Tallulah, dude.” 

Craig sat in silence for a while and the only sound came from the light clicking of buttons and the shift of the analogue sticks. 

“I don't know what you're talking about," he finally replied in a deadpan way. It reminded Kenny of younger Craig, pre-middle school, when he had the monotonous, unemotional tone of voice, no matter what he said or what situation he was in. Kenny used to tease him for it and often used to do impressions of his reaction to winning the lottery. 

So Craig wanted to do this the hard way? No problem, Kenny thought, as he paused the game and threw his controller to the side, just as an onslaught of zombies appeared on the screen.

“Look, stop trying to deny it. I know about everything. The party, the bus, Stark’s Pond, the old artrooms...”

Craig kept his eyes carefully on the screen, digesting Kenny's words. The blonde could see the wheels turning in his head, obviously searching for excuses. He waited patiently. With Craig, you had to give him time to speak, like when you poked a snail in the eye and it took a while for it to trust the outside world again. Craig was a snail in the literal sense when it came to emotion.

Craig sighed, "It doesn't matter anyway, it's done," He was still avidly trying to avoid Kenny's gaze.

"What do you mean 'it's done'?"

"We're not....like...we're not seeing each other anymore...it's done." Craig finally turned to Kenny, looking at the blonde with an impassive face.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. We were seeing each other, and now we're not. End of story. Now fuck off and press play," Craig turned his head back to the tv.

"What did you do?" Kenny cocked his head at his best friend. He knew that Craig had done something to fuck up. He also knew that Craig cared more than he was letting on.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

Craig sighed again and set his controller down on the carpet. He kept his eyes trained on the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world. He was well aware that he was nervously tapping his fingertips on his knee but for some reason, he couldn't stop.  

Kenny watched his friend curiously. It wasn't like Craig to be bothered about anything. The only time Kenny had seen him show emotion, was when he had a pet guinea pig in elementary school. Kenny could read Craig like a book. He didn't need the boy to tell him what had happened. He already knew. Craig didn't like to grow attached to people. He didn't like people to know he was capable of feeling something. He didn't like to be vulnerable. It had taken Kenny years to break down Craig's wall, and even then, the blonde often found that the noriette had started laying the foundations for a new one. Like now. 

"You like her." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Like how grass is green or the sky is blue.

Craig said nothing.

"What?" Kenny demanded.

Craig still said nothing.

"What?" Kenny said, louder than before.

He studied his best friend whose eyes hadn’t left the tv screen.

"WHAT!?" Kenny shoved Craig hard and watched him flail.

"The fuck, dude?!" Craig yelled, trying to regain his balance.

"What's the fucking problem?! Kenny screamed. It really was like talking to a fucking brick wall sometimes.

"Nothing!" Craig yelled back at the blonde.

"God, you're so fucking annoying. You know that right? It's okay to like someone, Craig, it's okay to let people know that you have a pulse instead of being made out of fucking granite." 

Craig narrowed his eyes at the blonde, as Kenny continued his onslaught.

"God fucking forbid you actually show emotion for once in your god damn life. Or actually admit to liking someone. Now press fucking play, you absolute bellend," Kenny knew he was fighting a losing battle. Craig was a brick wall and Kenny didn't have the energy to be the wrecking ball. He huffed heavily, turning back to the tv and snatching up his controller.

Craig stared at Kenny debating whether or not to carry on the conversation. He decided against it and picked up his own controller, resuming the game.

They played in silence for a while; sounds of wailing zombies and guns firing filled the room. 

Craig was the first to speak, as he knew that Kenny was giving him the silent treatment. 

"I was a dick to her," he finally said, offering his best friend a small fragment of what had happened between him and the petite blonde girl.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Kenny proceeded with caution, "Do you want her?"

"No...I don't know!" Craig quickly changed his answer and Kenny knew that he was fighting with himself in his head.

"What do you want?" The blonde said in frustration, all the while still furiously mashing the buttons on his controller. He thought about that scene in 'The Notebook' - it was his and Marj's favourite to act out, whenever they had to decide where to go on date nights or what food to order. However, unlike Marj who could actually make a fucking decision, Craig was just as frustrating at Rachel McAdam's character in the film, and couldn't make an emotional decision if his life fucking depended on it.  _Fuck me sideways,_ Kenny thought, How hard was it? Craig seemed to be trying to add 2 and 2 together but kept getting fucking 59.  _It's not that hard, man_ , Kenny said to himself. You like someone, you go for it... what's he worst that could happen? You could get rejected or have your heart brok-ohhhhh! The realisation suddenly dawned on Kenny… Craig was scared.

"I don't know."

They were still trying to hold off the zombies that had descended on them at an alarming rate, although all efforts were futile, as they were beginning to drown over the volume. Kenny thought it was quite poetic, as Craig was clearly drowning in the overwhelming sense of actually feeling something for once.

Kenny sighed, "You need to figure it out soon," he watched as his soldier disappeared under a swarm of zombies and admitted defeat, setting his controller in his lap. He was toying with how to get through Craig’s wall but thought,  _fuck it, I’ll just climb over it,_ "Before someone else does." 

He knew how to strike a chord with Craig. He knew what would bother him and kick his arse into gear. He didn't need to mention Kyle's name, he already knew Craig was thinking it. 

Craig managed to last all of 5 seconds longer than Kenny had, when his soldier was spectacularly decapitated by the hoard of zombies.  He kept his eyes fixed on the screen as ‘Game Over’ flashed across it, accompanied with the manic sound of really creepy laughing 

"I know."

 

 

* * *

 

They were definitely in her bedroom, she knew that much.

Their tongues were lapping against each other, as they breathed heavily into each other's mouths. Her lips were wet and bruised, and the familiar tingling sensation was raging through her body. She wanted this.

She was straddling him, as he sat on the bed. His hands were resting on her ass, pulling her into him, so that she could feel his throbbing dick through his jeans, pressing against her, igniting a pleasurable sensation deep down. She was desperate for more. He jolted his hips up into her and she broke away from the kiss, moaning.

"I want you," He breathed in her ear.

"I want you to fuck me," she replied, her green eyes locked with his blue and her voice was heavy with need.

Craig smirked, "I want to hear you beg for it.” He lightly bit down on her bottom lip and sucked hard, causing a jolt of pleasure to shoot straight to her groan.

She moaned.

"Please," she breathed.

He lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor. Her small breasts were held in a black lacy bra, which Craig unfastened with a flick of his hands.

He cupped his hand over one and let his fingers linger over her nipple.

She moaned again.

"You can do better than that," he said teasingly, taking her nipple in his mouth and sucking hard.

"Fuck," she hissed, throwing her head back.

Craig lifted her up and laid her down on the bed in one fluid motion. He slipped his fingers under the hem of her panties, peeling them down delicately, like he was unwrapping a gift. 

His eyes roamed over her naked body, drinking in every curve, the paleness of her skin, her flushed face. He wanted it just as much as she did.

He bent down towards the place where her panties had been mere moments ago and planted a kiss on her pelvic bone, causing the blonde’s back to arch involuntary. 

“Please,” she breathed again.

“Please what?” Craig started kissing her inner thigh, working his way up. She could feel his warm breath on her cunt. The sensation of which caused her to inhale sharply.

“Please fuck me.”

He continued to tease her and she thought she was going to lose her mind as he got dangerously close to her clit which was throbbing to be touched. Her chest was heaving with heavy breaths in anticipation.   _Please_ , she thought,  _please just fuck me_. The kisses stopped just as Craig was nearing her happy spot and he pulled away, igniting a whine from the petite blonde beneath him.

“Seeing as though you’ve asked so nicely,” he smirked, removing his t-shirt and jeans gracefully.

Tweek looked at his form, the perfect v lines, the sculpted pecks and six pack abs – he was the stuff dreams were made of. In fact, she had to be dreaming - she was practically drooling with desire. He climbed on top of her, planting a deep kiss on her mouth and causing another wave of pleasure to surge through her body.

She watched him carefully as he lent on one arm with ease, releasing his aching erection from his boxers. Her eyes widened at the sight of Craig’s huge dick before her. She knew it would be big, but she hadn’t expected it to be that big.

“Fuck,” she said, as he placed his arm back onto the bed, positioning himself over her.

Craig chuckled, “Tell me how much you want it?” The lustful look he gave her sent a chill down her spine.

“Please,” she whined again, reaching to the back of his head and taking out the hair tie. Craig’s long ebony hair fell down to frame his face. Fuck. It was her fantasy come true.

He kept his eyes trained on her emerald ones, as he started easing himself into her tight, wet pussy. She was biting her lip hard. It felt incredible but she needed more than the two inches to satisfy her.

She placed a hand on the back of his neck and raised her head to his, maintaining eye contact and saying in the sultriest tone she could muster, “I said, Fuck. Me.”

Craig hissed, his eyes widening at her words. He slammed into her as hard as he could, balls deep inside her. She moaned in ecstasy.

“You’re a fucking whore,” he said, as he fucked her hard, again and again, pounding her into the bed.

She was moaning and gasping and coming completely undone. The tingling in her body was building up and she felt like she was going to burst at any moment – she knew she wasn’t going to last long. His body was perfect, his dick was perfect, the sex was perfect. She placed her hands on his biceps and squeezed hard. Craig was like a Greek God, an Andonis who was fucking her into oblivion. 

“Tell me how much you like it?” He hissed, thrusting hard and sending her over the edge.

“I’m gonna…ohhh….I’m gonna…”

Tweek woke up panting, sweating and shaking from the aftermath of an earth-shattering orgasm. Her hand found its way into her pajama bottoms - she was literally dripping wet.

She had just had her first ever sex dream and it had been about Craig Tucker.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Friday afternoon and Craig was lying on his bed, staring at the faded glow stars that graced his ceiling. He'd been meaning to take them down forever, but doing so required time and effort that could be better spent at the gym or playing COD with his friends.

They had the day off from school and instead of being happy about it, Craig was slightly gutted that he wouldn't get to see Tallulah until Monday. Even a day spent doing all of his favourite things (sleeping, eating, video games and bench presses) couldn't cheer him up.

They hadn't spoken since Tuesday, since she had told him not to worry about anything because she wasn't going to. Since she had walked away from him. And true to her word, it seemed like she wasn't bothered. He hadn't received one single message from her, although he had been desperate to message her. He had lost count of the times he had opened his phone, typed out a message and deleted it. She probably wouldn’t reply anyway.

Her Instagram had been updated three times since they had stopped speaking. The first photo was a black and white image of herself sitting with her knees to her chest, in an oversized sweater and knee-high socks, looking out of a window. It was like the one of her in the playsuit and heels - editorial, like straight out of vogue or something. He wondered how she had managed it, surely someone had to have taken it for her? She had captioned it with the quote, "The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that you don't measure up. And that, in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool." She had posted it on that Tuesday night and his arrogance told him it was definitely about him. How could it not be? He had treated her like shit, smothering her with affection one minute and the next, sneering at her like she didn’t matter. He had almost sent her a message asking if she was okay until he saw that Kyle had commented, "Deep" on the photo, which had spawned a flirty conversation between the two of them, much to Craig's utter annoyance. 

The next picture showed her and Kyle in her car, clutching Tweek Coffee drinks and with one of those horrendous Snapchat filters on. They were both reindeers or something and she'd captioned it, 'Dashing through the snow <3'. A heart. A fucking heart. It made his fucking blood boil. He thought about what Kenny had said to him and knew that it wouldn't be long before the redhead finally made a move. Would she want that? Would she go for it? She had agreed to go on the date with the fucking goth, so he wouldn't be at all surprised if she entertained the ginger.

The final picture had been uploaded the night before. It was of Tallulah and, who Craig could only assume, her parents, sat at a fancy restaurant. She had simply captioned the image, 'Thanksgiving' with the turkey emoji. They were all suited and booted and smiling happily at the camera. Tallulah looked simply stunning. Her diamond earrings glinted from the flash of the camera, and although, she was sat down, Craig could tell she had a tight fitted dress on. He wondered if she was wearing the stilettos she had on, on the night he had carried her home.  He’d also wondered if she would keep them on for him when they eventually had sex…he still thought about it a lot, if he was honest. 

He double tapped the photo and the outlined heart turned blood red. It was the first time he had acknowledged her since he had been a dick to her. He wanted her to know that he wasn’t ashamed of her, other people would see that he liked her photo…that was a start, right? He opened their chat and reread their last conversation...the one-sided conversation he had had with her when she ignored him.  

In the two weeks, they had been seeing each other, they had exchanged hundreds of messages, ranging from excruciatingly flirty, to fallouts caused by his jealousy of her close friendship with Kyle. Anyone who read their chat history would be forgiven to think that they weren't already boyfriend and girlfriend. So why did the thought of that label give Craig palpitations?

He had probably blown his chance, anyway. She was probably already sucking Kyle's dick.

The thought of her being intimate with the redhead flashed through his mind and he threw his phone to the other side of the bed in frustration. He hated the thought of someone else kissing her, someone else being allowed to hear her nervous giggle, her delicate moans. He wanted her to himself.

Craig and Tallulah hadn't done anything except kiss... a lot. Not that he didn't want to do anything more, obviously, but he got the impression that she wasn't that experienced. Don't get him wrong, she was a great kisser and everything, and willingly let him leave his mark on her. But whenever his hands would wander a little bit too high under her shirt, or a little bit too low to her jeans, he would feel her body freeze up and he knew not to proceed. On the day she had been wearing her cheerleading uniform, it took all his restraint not to beg to fuck her right there and then in the corridor. He had been so painfully hard after that 'session', that he had to go and relieve himself in one of the toilet stalls which was a first for him and definitely not his proudest moment.

They hadn't really talked about going further, in fact, they hadn't really talked about anything at all, because they weren't anything, because Craig wouldn't let them be anything more than a 'dirty little secret', as Tallulah had put it.

Fuck, he was an arsehole.

He missed her in a way that he wasn't used to. The feeling was alien to him. He wasn't used to missing anyone or anything. But he couldn't stop thinking about her even if he wanted to. Her smile, her laugh, her weirdness; the way she would say whatever came to her mind, instead of filtering it like normal people; the way she would stand up on her tiptoes to kiss him and wrap her legs around him when he lifted her up; the way she would moan softly when he would bite and suck on her neck...his brain was filled with nothing but thoughts of Tallulah Tweek.

He needed to be distracted. Unfortunately, Token had gone away with his parents for the holidays which meant no Friday night soiree. Clyde was hanging with Bebe, and Kenny would no doubt be with Marj. He decided to fire his best friend a text anyway, grabbing his phone from where he had launched it.

 **Craig 4.27pm** : What you doing tonight?

 **Bae <3 4.33pm**: Goin 2 Tinks 4 a geek fest - you in? xxx

 **Craig 4.33pm** : She wouldn't want me there

 **Bae <3 4.34pm**: Want me 2 ask? xxx

 **Craig 4.34pm** : Nope.

 **Bae <3 4.25pm:**Suit urself xxx

Craig was annoyed that Kenny had given up so easily. He did want him to ask her. He did want to go. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he just say what he wanted? Why did he make everything so difficult?

 **Bae <3 4.41pm**: It's a full-on party - come! Even Stan's comin xxx

 **Craig 4.42pm:** As tempting as an evening with Marsh sounds, I think I'll pass.

He sighed as he turned down the offer again. Kenny was patient but Craig knew that the blonde's patience only stretched so far. He wouldn't pander to Craig for much longer, Craig probably had one more offer left before the blonde would get annoyed and stop trying altogether. 

 **Bae <3 4.44pm**: He's broke up with Wendy! xxx

 **Craig 4.44pm:** What's new?

 **Bae <3 4.45pm**: He did the dumpin... xxx

 **Craig 4.45pm** : Fuck.

So Stan's balls had finally dropped? About fucking time, Craig thought to himself. Although that meant that Wendy Testaburger was single which was bad news for Craig. She'd no doubt be looking for a substitute and, after Halloween, Craig knew she still held a torch for him. 

Fuck that.

 **Bae <3 4.56pm**: She said u can cum xxx

 **Craig 4.56pm** : Nope.

God, he was such an arsehole.

 

* * *

 

 

"I had a sex dream about Craig," Tweek was standing in her kitchen, opening a bag of Doritos whilst Marj was unwrapping a stack of red cups.

She had decided to take up her parents’ offer of providing liquor for her second party. She had invited her ‘regular crew’ of misfits, but this time, Millie was bringing a date, Kevin was bringing his sister and Kyle was bringing Stan, who, as most people at South Park High knew, liked a beverage. So Tweek thought it was best to grow a set and be a real teenager for once. Her parents had gone balls to the wall and her kitchen resembled a fully stocked cocktail bar. Not that she would be drinking or anything. She didn’t want to risk waking up next to Kevin or Jason and dousing them with spit water, whilst worrying if one of them had ejaculated in her. 

“And?" Marj asked eagerly. When Tweek looked at her dumbfounded she prompted her again, "Well...was it good?"

Tweek blushed, "Um...really good."

Tweek had thought about the dream a lot. How real it seemed; she was convinced that she had been able to feel everything from the wet kisses to having a dick rammed in her, even though she had never had sex before and didn’t know what it would feel like. It had made her even more confused over the Craig scenario. She hadn’t wanted to end things with him but she knew she deserved better. He hadn’t even messaged her, not even one of his allusive, ‘Heys’. He probably didn’t care. He had probably added her to his tally of girls and was already stalking his next victim. Fuck him.  _Yeah…fuck him_ , she thought…and then she thought about fucking him.  _God, I want to fuck him_.

"I want the details," Marj grinned.

The dream had been fucking incredible and it had confirmed two things to her. One, she would like it rough – the thought of Craig calling her a whore, made her bits tingle. And two, she wanted to fuck Craig really, really bad, even though the thought of sex absolutely terrified her. She blamed the dream on her parents with their stupid sex talk about bondage and safe words, and for giving her subconscious rough-sex desires. She’d have to have her own safe word when the time came, something coffee related to keep it in the family obviously. Frappuccino…. Wait no, she couldn’t blurt that out when things got out of hand. It would definitely kill the mood…

"I woke up shaking....like I'd just...um..." she thought of a graceful way to say it.

"Cum?" 

_Nevermind._

Tweek nodded. “And I was like…really…really…um…” Marj blinked at her in anticipation. “Um….wet.” She flushed again.

Tweek thought about the feeling that she had experienced. She wasn't a stranger to 'flicking her bean', although her preferred masturbation method was definitely a showerhead, on full blast - a method she had discovered by accident after a sexual awakening in a jacuzzi. Unfortunately for her, her new house exuded opulence and the shower heads were obnoxiously large and firmly fixed to the wall. They also had settings on them such as, 'Rain Forest' and 'Waterfall', instead of 'Stream' and her personal favourite, 'Jet' which she had used many times at her last house to get herself off.  However, the feeling she had experienced this morning was probably the best orgasm she had ever had in her life, and it had been caused by Craig....well a fictional version of Craig. She had been dreaming about fucking Craig and remembered thinking, in the dream, that she must be dreaming. She finally got what Leonardo Di’Caprio was rimming on about in Inception.

"And that was just from a sex dream, just think of what the real thing would be like!"

“Probably painful,” Tweek winced. Sure in the dream the sex had felt amazing but she knew her actual first time would most likely be a painful and bloody mess.

Marj shrugged, “Only like… the first few of times.” 

“Few times!? I thought it was just the first time?” Tweek was horrified. Fuck. Why did women have to endure this? It wasn’t fair. For men, sex felt good immediately – plus, they didn’t have to worry about bleeding out of their jap's eye. Why was it only women that had to be smashed opened like a fucking piñata?

"Well, um, it's a few times before it starts to feel good - plus I've heard Craig is packing, so you'd have to get used to....that."

Tweek already knew Craig had an eggplant, she had felt it enough during their makeout sessions.

"And you're like tiny...he might rip you in half."

Tweek's eyebrows nearly flew off her forehead, "What?!" 

Could penises do that?! Was that a thing?! What if he left her with a gaping hole that would never close up? Like when people got flesh tunnels in their ears and went that bit too far and looked like someone from the Congo. She would most definitely not be able to control queefs then. They'd literally fall out of her, along with the semen and probably piss. Wait, that came out a different hole, right? Or did it? Why did she never listen in biology? Oh great, now she had to worry about accidentally pissing on someone during sex too. As if, farting out of your vagina and sneezing out semen wasn’t enough. Throw urine into the mix and she might as well kill herself now.

Some people liked golden showers though, didn’t they? She definitely would not. Unless like she had been stung by a jellyfish or something. But that wouldn’t be sexy anyway, that was practical – it served a purpose. She was definitely open to practical pissing. Practical golden showers, she could put on her resume. Like that would be a thing employers would be looking for. Unless she was like going for a sex-line job, like ‘What are you into?” She could say, “Practical golden showers”, and they wouldn’t know that she meant ones that involve jellyfish. They would probably think that she meant practical like practically. Practically getting pissed on. She was getting ahead of herself, she hadn’t even given a blow job yet…Oh fuck. What if a boy pissed into her mouth as she was sucking it? Was that a thing that happened? Boys only had the one hole right? Everything came out that hole (no pun intended). She made a mental note to ask Marj if Kenny had ever urinated down her throat and, if so, did she swallow it? She couldn’t possibly swallow it. Never eat yellow snow, her parents had told her. Never drink a boy’s piss, she would tell her children.

“Anyway, I thought it was over between you?” Marj asked.

“Well…it is, um…yeah, it is.”

“So you don’t have to worry about Craig smashing your backdoor in,” Marj’s grin soon turned into a fit of giggles at Tweek’s horrified reaction. Anal sex was a whole different ballgame.

"I'm just going to have to die a virgin."

"Who's a virgin?" Kenny appeared in the kitchen. The girls had left him playing on Tweek's PS4 whilst they set up for the party.

Tweek flushed crimson, "Um..." She glanced at Marj.

"Virgin cocktails...like with no alcohol," Marj quickly recovered for the pair of them.

Kenny nodded, "Ahhh, like a Pina Colada, without the rum?" 

"Yeah or a Sex on the Beach, but without the sex," Marj grinned and Tweek glared at her.

"So, um, Tink...like would it be cool, if, um, Craig came along tonight?"

Tweek almost dropped the bottle of coke she was holding.  She wasn’t sure she was ready to face him after Tuesday and after this morning’s ever so realistic dream. Part of her sizzled with excitement, the other cringed with dread.

"Um, yeah...sure," she had already started to feel herself heat up.

“Cool, I’ll let him know,” Kenny said, taking his phone out of his jeans.

“Tell him to use the back door,” Marj grinned innocently, Tweek shot her another glare.

Kenny looked confused, like he was missing out on some joke, “What?”

Tweek sighed, “The front door is fine.”

 

* * *

 

 

"I'LL NEVER LET GO!!" Kenny was screaming in Marj's face. "ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD!"

Marj sat there blinking at him, phone held to her head.

"THE FUCKING SHIP THAT SINKS! LEO-FUCKING-NARDO DICAPRIO!" He was waving his arms around manically at his girlfriend who's face was a mixture of confusion and amusement, “I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!”

"Um…Ice Age?” She said finally with an unsure tone. 

"ICE AGE?!" Kenny threw his hands up in defeat, as the screen counted down to zero - out of time. He turned to Tweek who was laughing hard, "I honestly, feel your pain, Tink. The only films she knows are ones for ages 10 and under.”

Tweek laughed, “That’s not true! She also knows ‘Silence of the Lambs’!”

She was on a team with Stan and Kyle due to the odd numbers, and so far, they were winning. They were playing ‘Head's Up’ but with a twist - for every answer a team got right, the other teams had to take a drink. Stan had very kindly offered to take Tweek's drinks for her, which she had graciously accepted.

It was Stan's turn to guess the films and he placed the phone on top of his head whilst Tweek and Kyle got ready.

The first film that flashed up was 'Psycho' and Tweek started making a stabbing motion with her arm, screeching the iconic music whilst Kyle shouted, "Norman Bates! Norman Bates!"

"Psycho!" Stan called out, flipping the phone down for a right answer.

All the other teams took a drink. 

The next film flashed up and Tweek made a gun sign with her fingers, pointing it in Stan’s face and screaming, “Say WHAT again! I dare you, I double dare you mother fucker, say what one more god damn time!”

Stan’s face fell into shock and amusement at Tweek’s efforts, and the whole room erupted in laughter, as Tweek and Kyle began twisting, in the same way, Uma Thurman and John Travolta did in the film. Kenny was filming the whole exchange. 

Stan put them out of their misery 5 seconds later, “Pulp Fiction,” he said laughing.

The game continued in the same vein with Tweek and Kyle bouncing off of each other.

By the end of several more rounds, everyone was nicely tipsy. Everyone bar Tweek, that is, who was Stone Cold Steve Austin sober. She went to the kitchen to make everyone more drinks, as she seemed to be the only one who had her shit together. She started thinking about Craig and was mad at herself for getting her hopes up that he would actually turn up. He was a no show, of course. Why was she stupid enough to think that he’d actually want to see her? She didn’t even notice Millie walking in and jumped in alarm when the girl greeted her.

“Hey,” Millie said.

Tweek managed to smile after shitting herself in panic, "Hey."

“So this party is definitely better than your last one...Not that I didn’t love indulging you in your Harry Potter fetishes, but you know this one gets 4 thumbs up from me.”

“You only have two thumbs, Millie.”

“I can see four,” Millie said gravely, Tweek laughed.

“Well I’m glad you are enjoying it. Jessie seems lovely.”

“She really is. It’s nice to be…open about things. You know?” 

Tweek nodded, not because she understood what that felt like, but because she knew what Millie was referring to.

“I ended things with Craig,” she said, pouring coke into a glass containing a generous amount of vodka in.

“You okay?”

Tweek sighed, looking up and meeting Millie’s gaze, “It just sucks.” she paused, placing the bottle of coke down and looking away. 

Millie was the only one who knew about the corridor. She hadn’t been able to admit to Marj or Kyle that she had been used. She had told them that they just weren’t a thing anymore because Craig was a dick. Kyle had immediately reacted with the ‘I told you so’ speech and smugness that accompanied it. 

“I really liked him.”

“I know. But, you did the right thing. It might not feel like it now but it will. You deserve to be shown off…like a new pair of shoes or something. Like, maybe not Yeezys but you know, definitely like, Nike Air Max or something.”

Tweek smiled at Millie's analogy, “Okay, how much have you had to drink?”

Millie grinned, “Not enough.”

 

* * *

 

“He hasn’t called. He usually always calls by now. It’s different this time.”

Wendy was sat on her bed with Bebe, eating pizza and watching 'Clueless'.

“He’ll come round,” Bebe said, stuffing a slice of pizza in her mouth like her life depended on it. As it was just Wendy and her, there was no need for her to keep up pretenses of being a sexy, overly feminine teenage girl. She was sat in her sweats, her greasy hair piled on top of her head, gorging on pizza like she hadn’t eaten in 10 years. 

“No. He won’t.” Wendy was picking at her slice, sulking. 

Bebe rolled her eyes, “Look, it’s been, like, nearly two weeks, you need to move on.” She had been listening to Wendy moan about Stan for the past 11 days and her patience was starting to wane. Wendy hadn’t even liked Stan, she was only with him because she couldn’t be with Craig. So why the raven-haired girl was suddenly acting like someone had just died was beyond her.

“Ten years, Bebe! I was with him for ten years!” Wendy protested.

“Well technically, it was probably more like six, the amount of times you broke up. Plus, you were with Craig for like…four months, so?”

Wendy huffed, “Still.”

“Look, you know I love you but you need to look at this as a good thing. Now you're free to pursue other guys. Stan’s a fucking loser anyway.” Bebe picked up her phone as a notification pinged through, and started typing. 

Wendy picked up her own phone and started scrolling through Instagram. She had been stalking Stan since he ended things with her and couldn’t stand the fact that he seemed happy. He wasn’t supposed to be happy. He was supposed to be miserable. She was miserable, why wasn’t he?! She clicked on his profile and let out a large gasp.

“I don’t fucking believe it.” She screeched and thrust the phone in Bebe’s face, “He’s hanging out with  _her_!”

Bebe looked at the picture of Stan smiling with his arms around Tallulah Tweek and Kyle Broflovski. Her eyes widened and she tapped at her phone to bring up Kenny’s story, as the boy had posted a picture from the same party an hour ago. Not that she still stalked Kenny or anything. She just liked to keep tabs on him, that was all. Bebe and Wendy sat in silence watching Kenny's story of Tweek’s party. Bebe kept glancing at Wendy as the screen was filled with Kyle, Stan and Tweek in hysterics,  she looked furious.

“She’s fucking flirting with him!” Wendy seethed. She couldn't stand Tweek for a number of reasons which Bebe knew all too well. She seemed to be taking over Wendy's life one boy at a time. Wendy didn't know what was worse - seeing her with Craig or seeing her with Stan. Both made her blood boil.

"She's a dick, Wend, honestly, let her have him!" Bebe said, placing a reassuring hand on Wendy's shoulder, "That way, you're free to make your move on Craig!" She was trying to make Wendy see the positive side of the situation, with Tallulah out of the way, Craig would be fair game.

Wendy bit her lip. She knew even if Tweek wasn't in the picture, her chances with Craig were slim. He didn't want her. Stan didn't want her. But everyone seemed to want Tweek.

"I still don't know why you asked her to be a cheerleader," Bebe said, picking up another slice of pizza, "She's not even that pretty."

Wendy smiled in thanks at Bebe's insult of the girl, "I had my reasons."

If she was honest with herself, her reasons had been shallow at first. Tweek was loaded and Wendy wanted to be associated with her, thinking it would boost her popularity even more, and she'd finally be able to tell Nichole Daniels where to stick it. Unfortunately, Tweek had turned out to be a total dork, even as a cheerleader, and she seemed content with hanging around with the freaks of SPH even though there was a seat waiting for her on their table. Plus she had dated one of the goth kids, which was like, social suicide. It was a miracle Wendy hadn't kicked her off the squad already. 

As time had gone on, however, Wendy had noticed the way Craig had looked at Tweek and acted with her, and Wendy's reasons for getting close to the girl had changed. It was down to jealousy. She wanted revenge on Craig, had done since he had dumped her, and she stupidly thought she could use Tweek to do just that. It wasn't until she saw the way he was with her at the party that she realized that she didn't actually want to hurt him, she still loved him. It was the blonde in his arms that she couldn't stand. She didn't want anyone else to have him, certainly not Tallulah Tweek.

Wendy huffed, "She's stealing my life."

 

 

* * *

 

Most people had left the party and only Kyle, Stan, Tweek, Marj and Kenny remained. The latter two had disappeared to the guest bedroom, as they were ‘simply exhausted’, as Kenny had phrased it.  

“Just go have sex,” Kyle had replied in his usual blunt way.

"Well if you insist," Kenny had shrugged, grabbing Marj by the hand and literally taking the stairs two at a time. Marj had probably already had her back door smashed in, Tweek thought.

Stan, Kyle and Tweek played a few rounds of Mario Kart before Stan staggered to his feet and stretched

“Right, I’m gonna head home.” He was swaying slightly from the effects of an evening of drinking, “Thanks, Tweek, this has been awesome.”

“Yeah it really has,” Kyle smiled pulling himself up from the sofa. His face was flushed and his eyes half glazed. She had never seen him drunk before but was glad that he was a happy drunk. 

“No-no, you stay!” Stan said abruptly to the redhead.

“Dude, we live like, around the corner from each other?”

“Yeah but, you’re not like tired and like, you should definitely stay!”

“Dude, what are you talking about? I’ll just walk home with you.”

Tweek watched the exchange, Stan seemed to be trying to communicate something to Kyle wordlessly. He must have mastered the wordless eyeball convos from Wendy. He had widened his eyes at his best friend and was giving him the kind of look you give someone when you want them to go along with something. Like when you don’t want your friend to leave you alone with a goth but she does so anyway to look for a fictional quiche.

“Honestly, dude, stay, have fun.” Tweek noticed that Stan emphasized the last two words of his sentence before he started walking to the door, Kyle rolled his eyes and followed him, turning to Tweek. 

“Sorry, he gets like this when he drinks – he doesn’t make any sense,” he smiled.

“Don’t worry,” she returned his smile and walked them both to the door.

“I’ll see you on Monday,” he said, giving her a sloppy hug.

Tweek almost fell over, catching him in her arms, “You will.”

 

* * *

 

“Are you fucking dense, dude?” Stan asked the redhead when they were safely outside of Tweek’s house, walking down her long driveway.

“What?”

“I was trying to leave you alone with her so you could like, make your move or something.”

Kyle’s eyes widened in understanding, “Oh.”

“Yeah ‘Oh’.” Stan shook his head in annoyance. “Jesus, Kyle, I know you haven’t done this before but get with it.”

“I didn’t know that’s what you were doing!” Kyle said angrily. He was embarrassed at his complete lack of awareness of the situation presented to him. When Tweek had told him she had ended things with Craig, he had promised himself that he wouldn’t miss out this time, that he would make his move. He was going to tell her he liked her, honestly, he was! He just hadn’t got round to it yet…

“Don’t worry, dude. There’ll be another time,” Stan smiled kindly. 

Kyle thought about it and knew that it wouldn't be long until someone else swooped in. He sighed heavily.

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

 

* * *

 

She was sat on the familiar comfy couch in Dr Fielding’s grown up office.  

“So, I ended things with him, because, like, what Millie said… I was tired of being the, um, the secret.”

Tweek was about 20 minutes into her session and she had talked incessantly about Craig. She hadn’t mentioned the sex dream yet and didn't know if she could bring herself to.

“And, like, he hasn’t messaged me since then, and he didn’t come to the party, so I don’t know… I don’t know why I’m bothered,” she concluded.

Since she had started at South Park High, her sessions had become less about her anxiety and past trauma, and more about her social life and how she reacted to situations. 

“Because you like him.” Dr Fielding said.

Tweek sighed, “I know.”

“Do you think you are being fair to him?”

Tweek furrowed her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

Dr Fielding was chewing on the end of her pen (which drove Tweek insane), she always looked immaculate; her hair in a neat bun, her glasses without smudges and with the light from her bright office lights reflecting in them, her pantsuit freshly pressed and lint free. But despite her professional appearance, she exuded warmth. After countless therapists, Tweek had settled on her for her kindness and easy to talk to aura.

“He was obvious about his intentions from the start. He asked you to keep it private, you agreed.”

“Well…yeah but…”

“Did you ask him why he wanted to keep your relationship private?”

“Well…no….and I wouldn’t…it wasn’t a relationship.” Tweek flushed with embarrassment.

“How would you define a relationship?” Dr Fielding said, removing her pen from her mouth and cocking her head to the side.

“Um…like boyfriends or girlfriends…or boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Dr Fielding rose from her seat to her bookshelf, taking out a dictionary and flicking to the word, “You see, the dictionary defines a relationship as, ‘the way in which two or more people or things are connected’. Wouldn’t you agree that’s a good way to describe what you and Craig had?”

Tweek thought for a while, “I guess so.” She said with a shrug.

“Why do you think he wanted to keep your relationship a secret?” Dr Fielding said, placing the dictionary back on the shelf and slipping back into her seat.

“Because he’s ashamed of me?”

“Why do you think that?”

“Um…the corridor? And um… he like, he wouldn’t talk to me in front of his friends.”

“Some people don't like to show weakness. Some people are afraid to be intimate on an emotional level with another person. They try to detach themselves from their feelings. It’s very common.”

Tweek snorted, Craig Tucker scared? Yeah right. He had had girls plural. He certainly wasn’t scared of intimacy. Dr Fielding had missed the mark on this one.

“Even the most confident of people have fears, Tallulah. For some, it is growing close to another person. For others, it’s the inability to drive a car that reminds them of their best friend.”

Ouch. 

Alright Fielding, calm down. No need to bring that up… And it’s not like she couldn’t drive the car. She just chose not to.

“Why did you agree to keep your relationship a secret if you didn’t want it to be. Surely you could have told him you were not happy with that arrangement.” She went back to chewing on her pen and staring at Tweek, waiting for her patient to respond.

 _Yeah, okay love, like I’m going to turn around to the hottest boy in the school and say, “Actually hun, nah. I think I’ll pass on the kissing cos you want it to be a sneaky secret.”_ Tweek would have agreed to change her name if it meant she could kiss Craig.

“I don’t know.” 

"Hmmm" Dr Fielding said. Tweek hated it when she did that, as it meant that she wanted Tweek to realise that she was in the wrong. 

Tweek averted her eyes away from the doctor's penetrating gaze. It always made her nervous and say things that she didn't want to say...

"So I had this sex dream."

 

* * *

 

 "How come Stan's not sitting with us?" Clyde was eyeballing the quarterback as he took a seat next to Kyle on the geeky table.

"Because he is a free man," Kenny replied.

Their table was smaller than usual, due to the absences of Stan, Wendy and subsequently Bebe. Craig thought it was kind of nice, they were able to spread out, and it was just Token, Clyde, him and Kenny for a change.

"Does he not like us anymore or something?"

"Jesus, Clyde, don't cry about it. Kyle's his best friend," Kenny said.

Craig's eyes flitted to the table and he was annoyed to see that Tallulah was sat next to Kyle again. She seemed to always sit next to Kyle. Kenny's warning rang in his head.

"I'm not crying about it!" Clyde protested.

"You are a little bit."

"Fuck off, Kenny."

 

* * *

 

Craig wasn't good at small talk. He wasn't really good at talking in general if he was honest with himself. Unless he was with Kenny, Kenny seemed to bring something out in him. But Kenny wasn't with him and he lacked the McCormick quality that he had so often relied upon. He was unusually nervous as he stood looking into his locker, fully aware of the blonde girl beside him. He desperately wanted to say something, anything to her, but it looked like his stubbornness would win out again. 

The tension hung over them like a heavy raincloud ready to burst and shit it down. Craig turned his head a fraction and glanced at Tallulah. He opened his mouth to speak before deciding against it, looking back into his own locker.

He repeated the action about four times before the girl finally slammed her locker door and turned to him.

"What?" She said irritably. 

"Hey," he finally said.

"What?" She repeated. She kept looking at him and then looking away as if looking at him for a prolonged period of time would damage her or something.

"What?" he said.

_He knew what._

"Why do you keep looking at me?" 

"I don't?"

She rolled her eyes and turned to walk away.

"Wait."

She stopped. 

"How was your party?" 

Tallulah snorted a curious laugh, like she couldn't believe he was asking her that question. She shrugged, "It was good. It’s a shame you didn’t come. I mean, you probably wouldn’t have liked it anyway… you would have, like, had to acknowledge me in front of people." She kept her face straight like she wasn't bothered. 

She kept thinking of what Dr Fielding said to her but she was still so mad at him. She was mad at him for not coming to the party, she was mad at herself for getting her hopes up that he would be there. She was mad at the way he was. But most of all, she was mad that she was happy he had started talking to her.

"You're still mad at me."

She smiled, "Nope."

_She was._

She popped the 'p' for added 'couldn't give a shit' emphasis.

"I nothing you."

She had heard that expression from somewhere and thought it was the worst thing you could possibly say to someone. What was worse than being nothing?...um..nothing?

Craig raised his eyebrows. Ouch. That was cruel.

"Have a great day," she smiled again before turning and walking away. She had taken about three steps from him when she heard it.

"Tallulah..." the word left his mouth before he had a chance to stop it.

She stopped dead in her tracks and sighed. Reluctantly she turned to look at him.

"What?" She demanded, searching his face for answers.

He bit his lip and stared at her. There were so many things he wanted to say to her.

"Nothing."

 

 

* * *

 

Friday's game was another away fixture and Tweek boarded the bus, throwing herself down in her usual window seat and cranking up the volume on the playlist she was currently listening to. She was expecting Red to sit next to her like she had done three weeks ago, which she would have been fine with. Red was inoffensive and didn't speak to Tweek, which weirdly, was music to her ears. She much preferred being able to stare out of the window and think of unattainable scenarios in her head whilst listening to her tunez. 

A large part of her brain was secretly hoping that Craig would occupy the seat, like he had done before, just so she would have an excuse to touch him or like, be in his presence. Maybe he would hold her hand again... but that would probably lead to getting frisky on the corridor again, and before you know it, they'd be spooning in her bed, and everyone knew that spooning led to forking. And even though, she had thought about nothing else but getting forked by Craig, until he could acknowledge her in public, the forks would remain in the cutlery drawer. She wondered where knives fell into the mix? Maybe knives were only for lesbians...like scissoring. Or maybe they could be applied to any relationship? Would Craig understand what she meant if she said she would let his knife butter her crumpet?

She was giggling to herself thinking of leaving that note in Craig's locker when Stan Marsh plonked himself down into the seat beside her.

Oh fuck.

"Hey," he smiled at her, "What's so funny?"

She pulled her headphones off her head and said, "Hey, um, I'm listening to Mitch Hedberg's stand up," she lied. She hoped to god that Stan couldn't hear Britney Spears screaming, 'Ya better work bitch!' and fumbled to press pause on her iPod.

"I hope you don't mind...I usually sit next to Wendy...but...you know?"

Tweek smiled and nodded knowingly, "It's fine."

It was not fine.

What she really wanted to say was, "Get the fuck away from me", as she didn't want to give Wendy Testaburger another excuse to hate her. The girl had already left a passive aggressive comment on Stan's Instagram photo of them from the party. It didn't help that he'd captioned it, 'The Dream Team'. Wendy couldn’t stand her and the last thing the girl wanted was to see Tweek in a picture with her newly ex-boyfriend of ten years. The noriette had commented, "So glad to see you’re happy, Stan x” and Tweek knew she wasn’t glad at all. She was doing that thing, that psychos did when they want to, like, remind a person that they still exist or whatever, or like trying to make the other person feel guilty for continuing to live their life.

If Tweek thought Wendy was bad before, she could only imagine what her face would look like when she boarded the bus to see her and Stan sharing some fucking Werther's Originals.

Speaking of which, she had packed some for the ride. She rooted in her bag and pulled the packet out.

"Would you like a Werther's?" She asked Stan and drew out the Werther's in a funny voice to try and lighten the mood that was about to be shit on by the Head Cheerleader. At least that way, they could have the smiles well and truly wiped from their faces.

"Um...no, I'm not 80?" Stan grinned, "Plus, I can't eat before a game.... you know...nerves."

"Not even a Werther's?" Tweek asked in surprise, drawing the word out again, "It's not like a gourmet meal, Stan. I'm not Willy Wonka. It's a Werther's....surely you have room for a Werther's?" She continued to say in the funny voice she had invented for the candy, forgetting how to actually say it normally.

"Will you stop saying Werther's in that weird way?" Stan laughed.

"Why, is it freaking you out? Is it putting you off from having one? From having a WERTHER'S...?!" She shoved the bag in his face causing him to laugh harder.

The sound of a cough made them both look up. Tweek had her body turned towards Stan, the bag of Werther's practically fisting his face. Wendy was stood there with a thunderous expression. Bebe Stevens was behind her, shooting daggers at Tweek, and behind her, Craig Tucker was looking at the pair with disdain. Kenny McCormick was bringing up the rear, and Tweek thought it was like a really shit episode of Wacky Races.

Ahhh fuck.

"Um...would you like a Werther's?" Tweek said, offering the bag of candy with an outstretched hand. 

Stan burst out laughing, the kind of laughing that makes you start crying because it's so fucking funny. He held his hands to his face and was shaking in hysterics which caused Tweek to start smiling - she just couldn't help it, the laughter was infectious.

Wendy smacked the bag out of her hand harshly and Werther's went flying all over the show.

Tweek jumped in alarm at the movement and couldn't help herself from blurting out, "Fucking hell, mate, they're only Werther's Originals. Calm down." Which caused Stan to laugh harder and Kenny to join in. She watched Craig holding back a grin.

When everyone was sat down, and Stan had stopped laughing (which took fucking forever), they finally set off to...shit. Where were they going again? Why did she never listen? All she knew it was a school an hour's bus ride away and if South Park High won, they would be in the playoffs, which was quite cool, she assumed. She knew nothing about football.

She was silently fuming that she didn't have any Werther's for the journey to fucking who knew, as Wendy had biffed them into next week. However, sitting next to Stan wasn't bad at all. She had enjoyed his company at the party and was glad she had gotten to know him better. He was a really nice guy, which is why she had agreed to help Kyle set him up with the waitress from Ronny's.  

She noticed he had fallen silent again and watched as his face constricted with worry.

"You still nervous?"

He nodded.

"Wanna play a game?" She said and realized that she sounded like Jigsaw. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "I'm not going to make you saw your ankle off or anything."

He smiled at her, "Well, I did worry..."

She returned his smile, unlocking her phone and swiping to 'Head's Up'.

"Come on, we'll play the accent one - we haven't played that yet," she said, handing him the phone, "I'll go first."

Stan reluctantly placed the phone on his head. 

'Australian' was the first accent to flash up and her face lit up with excitement.

"G'Day, MAY-IT. Let's throw another shrimp on tha barbie!" She said, in what she thought, was a perfect Australian accent.

"What the fuck was that!?" Stan broke out into a wide grin.

"Bladdy hell, these dingoes are causing me a hid-ache!" She tried again.

He looked at her in half amusement, half bewilderment.

"Let's go to maccas so I can have a wazz in the dunny!" She had fully committed to the Oz life. Just call her Bindi Irwin.

"Are you trying to do an Australian accent?" Stan began laughing again.

"Well...yeah... does it...does it not sound right?" Tweek flushed lightly, breaking out into her own laugh.

"I thought you were trying to do Jamaican or something."

"No, that would sound like..." She thought hard. All she could think about was ‘Cool Runnings’. She clicked her fingers and sang in Stan’s face, “We arrr dee Jam-may-kin bob-sled teeeem!”

Stan laughed hard, "God you are so fucking weird."

 

* * *

 

It was at the second big stunt, that Wendy had acted out her revenge. She was one of Tweek's bases, along with Kelly and Nichole, and it was her job to keep Tweek, the flyer, in the air, so that she could perform the stunt.

They had done the stunt hundreds of times and had never failed to execute it. It was second nature to Tweek. 1, 2, 3 up in the air. 1, 2, 3 leg against her head and other arm out and up to the side. 1,2,3 leg and arm down. 1, 2, 3, jump, flip, turn and be caught...oh shit.

She came crashing down to the hard grass with an almighty thud. Her feet landed first, buckling under the sudden contact with an unexpected surface, followed by her ass and finally her back and head. Fucking ow. 

She heard the crowd go, 'oooooooo' like the noise you make when you see someone hurt themselves badly. 

Wendy had fucking Show Girls-ed her. She had metaphorically pushed her down the fucking stairs. She hadn't caught her and unfortunately, Kelly and Nichole hadn't anticipated the added weight. The bitch had definitely done it on purpose. 

"Wendy what the fuck!" Nichole screamed at the raven-haired girl, who had turned and carried on with the routine, giving absolute zero shits about the girl she had just sabotaged.

Tweek resembled an upturned crab and was still on the floor, on her back, staring at the floodlights and night sky. She tried to stand up but fell back down instantly, as her left ankle hissed in pain. Fuck.

Nichole and Kelly hoisted her up and carried her off the field. Tweek tried to make it easier for them but couldn't put any weight on her foot, and when she tried, she actually squealed in pain.

"Stop trying to walk, we got you!" Nichole shouted over the loud music.

They took her to the bench and Nichole lifted her left leg up and began to take her sneaker off.

Tweek winced in pain.

"I have to take it off, it will start to swell," Nichole said.

One of the coaches had come over and was inspecting her ankle delicately, peeling her sock off. Even the gentle brush of fingertips felt like agony. She looked down at her ankle and was shocked to see that a bruise was already forming. Well, she had gone down like a bag of dicks, what did she expect?

"Is it broken?" She asked, praying to god that it wasn't.

"I'm not sure. Can you move it?" Tweek tried to wiggle her foot but nearly vomitted from the pain that shot through her when she did.

"No." She managed to say. She was well aware that she had turned even whiter than she already was, which was pretty white to begin with. She probably looked like Casper the friendly cheerleader. Fuck. It had to be broken.

"Shit, dude, are you okay?" Stan had come over with Kenny and Craig in tow.

"You came down like a sack of shit," Kenny pointed out. As if she wasn't aware that she had decked it, in front of 100s of people.

"Thanks, Kenny." She said flinching, as the coach draped an icepack on her ankle.

“Does it hurt?” Craig asked. Kenny and Stan both looked at him, surprised to see him there with them, surprised to hear him giving a shit.

“No it feels fantastic,” she said sarcastically, watching him bite back another grin. Her stomach flipped at sight.

She spent the rest of the game watching from the bench, watching Craig specifically but watching none the less. Every time the defence left the field, Craig would remove his helmet and glance in her direction. She would pretend that she hadn't been staring at him and suddenly find her ankle very interesting, which it actually was, as it was becoming a deeper shade of purple by the second.

They had a less than warm reception at the final whistle. They had absolutely trounced the home side which meant that they were in the state playoffs. Unfortunately, for the Cows, their supporters were outweighed by the visiting crowd 3 to 1, so the victory was bittersweet. Had it been on home soil, it would have been a riot.

She watched as the rest of the team, coaches and cheerleaders celebrated with each other, whilst she just sat there, looking like a turd and grinning like an idiot.

Stan gave her a piggyback to the bus, much to Wendy's annoyance.  _Serves you right, you fucking bitch_ , Tweek thought. She had watched as Nichole had animatedly confronted the Head Cheerleader who hadn't even come over to Tweek to apologise. Wendy was swearing to anyone who would listen, that it was an accident. That it was Tweek who missed the mark and Wendy simply hadn't reacted quick enough. Bullshit.

Tweek wasn't even going to waste her breath on the girl. Instead, she decided that it would be much for worse for Wendy, to see Tweek with her leg propped up on her ex-boyfriend's lap, which is exactly what happened, as Stan had insisted she do so. So she did. She watched as Wendy boarded the bus, eyes falling on the sight of Tweek's naked leg on Stan's groin, her face contorted in rage. Tweek just glared at her, hoping that Wendy could hear her eyeball conversation, “Yes my ankle can feel your ex-boyfriend’s dick through his pants. You’re lucky I can’t feel my ankle, otherwise, cock ahoy!” After a brief staring competition, Wendy huffed away to her seat at the back of the bus.

Stan noticed the exchange and when he was sure that Wendy was safely out of earshot said, "She did it on purpose, didn't she?"

Tweek pulled a grave face, 

"I think it was the Werther's."

 

* * *

 

Kyle was out of town on a college visit which meant two things. One, Tweek wouldn't be able to copy his homework and two, Tweek wouldn't be able to be his partner in Biology.

Stan had filled in, in Kyle's absence, acting like her knight in shining armor. Not only had he driven her to the hospital after Friday night's game, but he also insisted on picking her up for school, as she couldn't drive. He helped her to class, giving her piggybacks (as she was painfully slow on the crutches) and carried her books for her even though she told him it wasn't necessary. Although, she really didn’t mind. The look on Wendy’s face had been priceless.

Stan set her down at her usual bench in Biology and told her that he would see her at lunch. Since he had dumped Wendy, he had been eating lunch with Kyle again, which Tweek knew Kyle was thrilled about. 

"Okay, get yourselves into pairs and collect your equipment from me," Mrs Anderson called out when everyone was settled.

Tweek groaned. Of course, they were going to be doing a practical lesson. On the one day that Kyle wasn't here. She looked over to Kevin who had already been claimed by a girl she didn't recognise. Bollocks. It wasn't like she could move anyway, she'd just have to wait until someone came to- 

"Hey," came the familiar voice of Craig Tucker, as he took the seat next to her.

Her heart stopped beating momentarily. He had actually come over to her, without any prompting. 

"If you ask me to get the stuff, I will punch you in the face."

Craig smirked, "I believe in equal opportunities."

"I believe in punching people in the face. Now go get the fucking stuff."

He did as he was told and returned with the equipment. Like before, Craig took charge in the experiment, with Tweek looking on in silence.

"So, you and Stan, huh?" Craig said after a while. He said it in a really blasé way, trying too hard not to sound arsed but she knew he was and decided to play on it, even though there was nothing going on between her and Stan.

"Why? Are you jealous?"

Craig looked up from his notebook at her. His face had fallen in hurt, "Of course I am."

Tweek's stomach did that annoying flip thing.

"Well don't be...there's um, there's nothing going on. He's just helping me whilst Kyle's away."

“So you and Kyle?”

“What? No!” Tweek hadn’t thought of Kyle in that way, they were just good friends. “I’m not with anyone.” 

He stared at her for a while and she thought he was going to say something. His face was constricted, like he was fighting with himself. But after a while, he went back to the experiment.  She sighed.

Tweek watched him scribble on the sheet. God damn it, he was beautiful.  Even the way he held a pencil had her going weak at the knees. She remembered what it felt like to kiss him and her hand instinctively shot up to her lips. 

"I'm sorry," he said without looking at her.

Tweek swallowed hard but kept her hand on her mouth, "Are you?"

Craig lifted his head up from the worksheet to meet her gaze, "Yeah...I am."

They stood staring at each other, oblivious to their surroundings. In that moment, in a class full of thirty students, it was just the two of them.

"I miss you," he said.

Tweek blinked, suddenly unable to maintain eye contact with him. She looked down instead, as the wooden bench with all its indentations and scratches was far easier to look at, than at Craig's deep blue eyes. She knew she was about to get lost in them again.

"I miss you too."

 

* * *

 

She was able to walk unaided again which made her life a lot easier. It had been a week since she had reignited her 'thing' with Craig, and only Marj and Kenny knew about it. They had made slow progress and actually exchanged phone numbers this time. However, Craig was still keen to keep it a secret, much to Tweek's annoyance.

"Hey, so, I'm in my drama class, and Mrs Bergstein asks me if I'm going to audition for 'Grease'. So I said, probably and she said, 'I think you should'!" Marj grinned at Tweek.

"Oh my god! What if you get Sandy!?" Tweek jumped and clapped with excitement.

"Honestly, I'd be happy with Frenchie!"

The posters for the school's next big production had gone up on Monday, and there was already whispers that Bebe Stevens had her eye on the role of Sandy. Of course, she did. Tweek prayed that she wouldn't be successful. If her talent show performance was anything to go by, she would probably massacre, 'You're the one that I want'.

"Wait. Can you sing?" Tweek asked. She'd never heard Marj sing before.

Marj pretended to be insulted, "Yes! I've actually been told that I sound like Lana Del Rey, thank you very much." 

"By who, Kenny?" Tweek grinned.

"Fuck off."

"Oooo is Kenny going to audition with you?"

"Of course! He wants to play Kenickie as he identifies most with him, but I think he would make a perfect Danny."

"Well, no matter who he gets, I'll have the wig for it."

 

* * *

 

They were in their usual spot by the old artrooms, eating each other's face off. His perfect lips were warm against her own and every nerve in her body was standing on end. God, she had missed this. She couldn't remember why she had willingly given it up.

Craig pulled away from her suddenly, “Wait, someone’s coming."

_Oh. That's why._

“Why does it matter?” Tweek demanded, watching him step away from her, just like before.

“It… doesn’t…I just-“

"-God I'm such a fucking idiot.” Tweek pushed her hair behind her ears and started to walk away, "What the fuck am I doing?"

Craig reached out and grabbed her arm, "What do you mean?"

"This. With you. I cannot do this again." She shook her head, biting down on her lip, "You're ashamed of me."

Craig shook his head, "I want you."

She wasn't prepared for the feeling of her stomach being punched at his words. He had said that in the dream too. Only this time, it was real. Or was it? She laughed harshly.

"You only want me when it suits you"

"No. I want you, Tallulah."

She couldn't help the sharp intake of breath she took, nor the feeling that shot to her groin. She wanted him too.

"Prove it."

Craig looked deep into her eyes before shrugging his jacket off and putting it around her shoulders. He raised his hand to her face and let his thumb trace her bottom lip. He gently lifted up her chin to get her to look at him.

"I want you," he whispered and planted a soft kiss on her lips. 

She stood there in stunned silence and watched as he walked away from her, out of the corridor, out of sight. The jacket was still hanging heavy on her shoulders and she quickly thrust each arm through the sleeves, as if it wasn't real or would disappear at that moment.

She didn't need a mirror to tell her which jacket it was. The darkness of the corridor couldn't obscure the familiar colours and pattern. She had seen it many times; watched Craig saunter down the hallway in it many times; looked at girls fawning over the 'TUCKER' lettering on the back of it, many times; wondered what it would be like to be the girl who got to wear it, many times. 

And he had given to her. She had it. She was that girl. That girl who got to wear Craig Tucker's letterman jacket.

 

* * *

 

Craig was sat at his usual table when Tallulah walked in.

Bebe Stevens was the first girl to notice her. She was sat with some of the cheerleading team and her eyes widened as she clocked that the girl was wearing one of the football players' letterman jackets. Craig smirked as she smacked Wendy's arm to alert her to the scene. Wendy almost fell off her stool, as Tallulah walked past her and she finally saw whose name was on the back of the jacket.

He watched as more and more girls realised what Tallulah was wearing, falling silent as they snapped their heads to gawk at her, as she walked past, making her way to her table.

His own table had noticed something was happening and were all watching the girl curiously, wondering whose jacket it was. Everyone except Kenny who turned to his best friend with a large grin, like he was proud of him.

Once the name had been revealed, Token simply raised his eyebrows in surprise, whilst Clyde furrowed his in confusion.

"Dude, why is the new girl wearing your jacket?" Clyde asked.

Jesus Christ, he really was an idiot. 

Craig looked over to Tallulah who was blushing hard from all the attention. Marj was talking excitedly in her ear. On her other side Kyle looked thoroughly sombre, and Craig couldn't help feeling a bit smug. He waited until Tallulah noticed him staring at her and when she finally looked up to meet his eyes, he smiled and waved at her.

"Because I gave it to her."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please continue posting your lovely comments - they get me through the week :D


	12. Bananas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Over 3000 hits! I am honestly flabbergasted. I can't thank you enough for supporting this fic. Thank you all for sticking with it <3

"What don't you get?" Craig asked Tweek.

They were doing their Biology homework together in Tweek's room. Well, Craig was doing the homework, Tweek would rather watch paint dry. She was a bit miffed to say the least; when Craig had originally offered to help her with her homework, she thought that was code for, 'let's make out so I can rub my eggplant on you' but no, he actually meant, 'I will help you with your homework. Your really boring, really irrelevant to your life, homework'. So here they were, learning about shit she didn't give two shits about, let alone one shit about. Shit.

"Any of it." Tweek was drawing her interpretation of 'the slender man' over and over again, ignoring the open textbook in front of her.

Craig had offered to help her, as her usual Biology buddy was giving her the cold shoulder. At least Kyle was only using the silent treatment this time, and not calling her easy. She definitely preferred the silence to being slut-shamed. Unless it was Craig calling her a slut - that would probably make her horny, if the dream was anything to go by.

"Seriously?"

Tweek looked up from her notebook and nodded, "How would one spell Biology?" She watched as Craig raised his eyebrows at her, "Kidding! I definitely know how to spell it...B for bullshit, I for eyeball, O for Oh really?-"

"-Stop." Craig cut her off with a smirk, "God, you're such a dork."

Tweek grinned.

"It's just really, really boring. Like when will I ever need to know how to...wait... what are we currently studying?"

"The reproductive system."

Tweek blushed hard and looked at the open book in front of her which happened to have a very detailed illustration of the female organs - the inner workings of a vageen if you will- the Fallopian tube and its gang of egg-related misfits. For fuck's sake - this is why she needed to start paying attention in class or to life in general. Guaranteed there was a cock and balls waiting for her on the next page. It would probably be paired with the inner workings of a bumhole.

"Oh," she said.

Craig bit his lip, trying to suppress a grin, "Yeah, I think, um, you need to know about that."

If she were a more confident, she-devil type woman, she may have said, "Why don't you teach me then?" And accompany it with some come-hither eyes, sliding her legs open to 7/11. Then she'd be eating eggplant parmesan before you could say flat white. But she wasn't a more confident, she-devil type woman - she was awkward and inexperienced, and needed both her front and back doors smashed in like a piñata before she could commit to being a sultry vixen.

"I, um, know how that, er...'works'," she used the air quote gesture when she said 'works' - why the fuck had she done that?! Like she thought sex was a myth or something. Like she was one of those people that denied the existence of dinosaurs, despite the presence of 'fossils', but instead she was denying the act of sex, despite the presence of sexual organs, filthy, filthy sex dreams, and obvious eggplants that pressed into her groin making her feel exquisitely funny.

Craig had a confused look on his face, like he was constipated but like happy constipated. He seemed to get that look a lot around her, whereas she just went to shit around him. Why couldn't she function in front of him?  He probably thought she was mentally unstable - if banging her head on the locker didn't seal the deal, she was pretty sure the denial of sex would. He probably wanted the jacket back already.

Craig cocked an eyebrow at her, "Are you 'sure' about that?" He said, doing the air quote sign when he said 'sure'."

Oh, fuck you, Craig. 

If she was honest with herself, she didn't have a clue how sex worked. Yeah, she got that a sperm and an egg made a baby, and like, where the boy was supposed to put 'it'... but who didn't know that? They should be learning about more pressing issues that no one told you about, like queefs, and seeping semen, and if boys could piss down your throat when they had a boner.

Tweek felt her face burn with embarrassment but she did her best to try and salvage some dignity, "Yes, Craig - I know where babies come from!" She watched as he bit his lip again, clearly finding the whole thing hilarious, "You buy them from eBay," she concluded, hoping to divert the awkward sex tension by bringing the lols. When he looked at her like she was mental (again), she had to confirm that she had been joking, "It's a joke, Craig, Jesus Christ."

"I never know with you."

"You seriously think I wouldn't know about..." she paused and searched for the right word to say. She couldn't say sex because then he would start thinking of sex and she'd be thinking of sex, and then they'd all be thinking of sex...all two of them. Shit... She had started to think about sex... Sex with Craig. Steamy, hot, you fucking whore, sex with Craig. Maybe she could use the word, 'fornicate' or 'coitus' instead and make it seem that she knew what she was talking about...eurgh. Who the fuck made up these words, and why were they the harshest sounding words of all time? It was like 'condom' or 'dildo', neither of which rolled off the tongue. And don't even get her started on ‘moist’. How did people even have sex with these words knocking about? 'Darling, are you in the mood for some moist coitus, just get the condoms and the lube and I'll start myself off with the dildo, then we can down to fornicating' - Jesus if that didn't kill the fucking mood, what would? No...she'd definitely have to go with 'sex' but she wouldn't accompany it with the air quote action, because she wanted Craig to know that she knew that 'sex' was a proper thing. Sex was as real as the day is long.

Fuck, how long had she been thinking about this? Craig was staring at her, waiting for her to give the right answer like she was on a game show or something. ‘The answer is ‘C’, Dick’, she could say, if the game show host was called Richard. But he wasn’t called Richard, he was called Craig, and this wasn’t a game show, it was real life. Real, not a myth, life, like sex. Shit, she better say 'sex' and soon or he might think she had had a stroke - if she said it fast enough, it might sound like 'sesh', like Szechuan sauce, so she wouldn't have to linger on the 'x'. She was a big girl, she could do this. She could say-

"Sex?" Craig said, maintaining excruciatingly intimidating eye contact with her.

She squirmed under his gaze and her skin turned a deeper shade of red (if that was humanly possible). He said it so easily... because he had done it so easily... multiple times, she remembered, with multiple, plural fucking girls. He had probably smashed dozens of front doors in. He was probably like the armed police with a battering ram they used to raid crack dens.

Unfortunately, she wasn't smuggling any crack at the moment, so there was no need to break down her front door. He could politely knock instead, and she might invite him in for a cup of tea. That's an analogy she could get on board with. That's how she would like to lose her virginity - a gentle knock instead of a battering ram. She made a mental note to tell him this when the time came, "Please knock on my door. There's no need to break it down. It's a new door and I paid a lot of money for it,' she would wink at him seductively, 'Also, you cannot use the back door, as it's broken.'

She wondered if he had ever used the backdoor before? Wendy seemed like that type of girl... the type of girl that would let him 'come' in the back, so to speak. She carried herself in a way that definitely screamed, ‘I do anal’... she was anal about everything.

"Er- yeah... that." She finally said looking down to the textbook, and coming face to face with the biologically accurate picture of a vageen.

"Well it's good that you can talk about it confidently," he said, with the straightest face imaginable 

Tweek looked up and narrowed her eyes at him. When she saw his stupid face break out into his trademark smirk, she grabbed a pillow to biff him with.

"Oh fuck you," she said swinging the pillow and making contact with his arm.

Craig grinned and took the hit, "Is that an offer coming from the expert?"

She swung the pillow again at him but this time, he was ready and grabbed her by the wrists and yanked her towards him. She promptly dropped the pillow.

“No, it is not an offer, dick,” she said. He had pulled her close to him and she was inches away from his perfect face.

“You’re not very good with pet names, are you?”

“You don’t know what I mean by dick. It could mean something good. I could be very fond of dick-“ Ahhh for fuck’s sake. She cringed inwardly and looked away from him, as she couldn’t bear to see the grin that would have undoubtedly appeared on his face.

“That’s good to know, Lulu.”

Even though she was sure she resembled a tomato (a tomato with a fondness for dicks), she turned her head back to him and scoffed, "Only my mom and dad call me 'Lulu'."

"And now me."

Internally, the butterflies in her stomach were trying to head south for the winter, externally, she managed to roll her eyes in a fake-irritated kind of way.

"Okay, Daddy!"

Oh, Jesus Christ.

He looked at her incredulously.

"Do you, like, ever think about what you're going to say before you say it?"

Tweek thought hard....which was ironic because she usually just blurted things out in front of Craig.

She sighed and shook her head softly, "I do not."

 

* * *

 

 

They were both wearing their boyfriend's letterman jackets as they strolled into Tweek's Music class. Well, Marj was wearing her boyfriend's jacket, Tweek still didn't know what her and Craig were, except that they were seeing each other and people knew about it.

Music was one of Tweek's favourite classes. Not only was the class small but their bohemian teacher, Mr Watson, just let them get on with it, as long as they were being 'musical'. So he didn't bat an eyelid at the new addition to the class. Marj had a study period but needed Tweek's help with her audition piece for ‘Grease’, so Tweek thought they could utilise her easy going music session by cracking out some show tunes.

The only downside to the class was that Pete was also in it. They hadn't really spoken since the talent show, even though Tweek was very keen to give him a piece of her mind about 'Coffee Barbie'. The only thing she had managed though was to give him occasional side eyes which always provoked him to flip his bangs out of his face, like he knew it annoyed her which it did.

She was quite bitter about the whole thing. He had seemed so nice at first; they had bonded over Rupaul's Drag Race and shared a popcorn/cigarette flavoured kiss. Yes, it was an awkward kiss at best but it was still a kiss nonetheless! And then he had to go and fuck it royally by calling her a slut. Like, without any fucking evidence. Like, without even asking her if the rumours were true or not. He just assumed she was seeing 'people', like more than one. Like she was on Craig's level with plural partners.., like she was 'THAT' type of girl. She knew he had put her in that box, as soon as he had found out she was a cheerleader. She was in that box chilling with Wendy Testaburger and her flailing tits. 

If she was honest with herself, Pete had probably done her a favour. She hadn't liked him like that, and she would have had to pull the plug on their 'thing' sooner or later. And now she was with Craig who she did like in THAT way, so really, she couldn't be in a better position. Obviously, she would have preferred not to have a song written about her and sang to the 600-strong crowd filled with parents and peers, but sometimes when life handed you lemons, you had to say 'fuck the lemons' and bail, as Paul Rudd would say. Pete was definitely a lemon.

As they walked towards Tweek's keyboard, she saw Pete look up at them. He was sat with another one of the goth kids and they actually smirked at each other when they saw Tweek and Marj approaching them.

"Wow a cheerleader dating a jock, how original," The other goth boy said.

"Right?" Pete chucked in agreement, "It's like, such a fucking cliché."

 _Oh fuck you, Pete. So is smoking just because you're a goth. Is your favourite band The Cure too? You fucking prick,_ she thought. 

"Woah, what's your problem?" Marj addressed the two goths.

Tweek shook her head at Marj, as in to just leave it. She was touched that her best friend was sticking up for her but she really couldn't be bothered wasting her breath on them.

"We have a problem with conformists sucking the soul out of people with an ounce of originality." Other goth boy said. 

Tweek furrowed her brows at Pete. What the fuck had he told people? They had been on two dates. TWO fucking dates. She hadn't sucked anything out of anyone!

"You had a lucky escape, man," other goth boy said to Pete.

Pete nodded, "Don't I fucking know it."

Had Tweek blacked out and missed something? What the fuck was this kid rimming on about? She was angry at Pete for lying about her and confused as fuck, as to how he was so bold that he could commit to the lie even in front of her.

"Am I missing something?" She finally said to him, her voice riddled with confusion.

"Don't act so innocent, you know what you did," Pete said, like he was the victim....AGAIN! 

What the fuck had she done? Apart from laughing into his mouth during the smoke-induced kiss, she couldn’t think of what she had done to offend him? Like, she had even gotten him free fucking coffee - what more did he want?

Tweek laughed in shock, "No I don't know what I did! Like...we went on two dates?!"

"I can't believe you can stand there and lie, like, that." Pete said, flicking his bangs out of his face, "We had a connection, that you...like," bang flip, "Just threw away," bang flick.

What the actual fuck. Her eyes flitted to his friend who was nodding wisely, like he was fucking Gandalf or something.

Her confusion quickly turned to anger. She hadn't thrown anything away, Pete was the one who had put his goth boot right in it. He's the one that had ruined things, not her. She had been prepared to let him down gently, so she could grind on Craig's eggplant in peace. It's not her fault, Pete decided to call her a slut, provoking her to react the way she did. It was Pete's own stupid fault that she had screamed in his face that he should shave his bangs off. He had it coming! As for connection… what fucking connection? She wasn’t a broadband router. They had had two dates. Yes, they had some similar interests. Yes, she laughed at his jokes. But connection? Jesus, maybe she was right about him. Maybe he was a serial killer.

Tweek narrowed her eyes at the pair of goths before her, "Why don't you go and write a song about it?" She said sarcastically, “Oh wait, you already did.”

Marj burst out laughing and they walked to their seats, looking like the 'mean girls' of South Park High. The letterman jackets definitely didn’t help their image.

“God, what an asshole!” Marj stated when they were sat in front of Tweek’s keyboard.

“I know, right?” Tweek said.

“I’m sorry for making you go on the date with him.”

"It's fine...everything happens for a reason. And one day, we will look back at this and lol,” Tweek said whilst setting up the keyboard.

She didn’t know if she believed that everything happened for a reason, not when too much bad shit happened for no fucking reason at all. But it seemed like the right thing to say to Marj. She hadn’t forced her to go on a date with Pete - she hadn’t held a gun to her head. She was just being a friend. A friend who encouraged the blonde to do something with the first phone number she had ever been given in her life.

She had learned a valuable lesson and it wasn’t about never eating yellow snow or letting boys piss down your throat. It was that sometimes, it was okay to judge a book by its cover. Like ‘The Northern Lights’ for example. The cover looked boring as shit, but everyone rimmed on about how good the book was, so Tweek had given it a go. She would never get those 6 hours of her life back. Not that Pete looked boring. She truly liked the goth aesthetic, but she should have walked away as soon as she had the inkling that he may be a serial killer, which was about a minute into meeting him. However, if she had never agreed to go for coffee with Pete, Craig would have never popped off at her at the locker, and she was pretty sure there was a domino effect somewhere in there, so yeah. Cheers, Marj….and Pete.

Wait, what about thinking Craig was a vampire? Surely she should walk away from that then… fuck no. Craig was fucking beautiful. _Pipe down, brain._

“So what are you thinking of for your audition piece?" Tweek was a whizz on the keyboard. Her parents had made her take piano lessons since she was five. Secretly she was grateful to them – it was a nice skill to have. She would add it to her resume, along with practical golden showers under the heading ‘skillz’.

“I’m thinking of something that they won’t be expecting, something, like, ‘Royals’ by Lorde?” Marj said, unpacking a list of sheet music from her bag. They had heard that Bebe Stevens was, of course, going with ‘Summer Nights’ for her audition song. How fucking original. “Or, like ‘Elastic Heart’ by Sia? What do you think? 

“Both are good choices, I mean, like, how many bitches will they hear screech out ‘Summer Nights’?”

“Exactly.”

“So you wanna try ‘Royals’ first?”

“Sure,” Marj nodded and passed Tweek the sheet music.

Fortunately for them, the other students had headphones in and were too busy with their own pieces, to take notice of the karaoke session that was going on behind them. Unfortunately for them, Mr Watson did not have headphones in and had come over part way through Marj’s rendition of “Royals’ to offer his critique. 

After about a fucking month of listening to Mr Watson’s advice, they were finally left alone again. Tweek had to admit, she was impressed with Marj’s voice. Kenny was right,  she did sound like Lana Del Rey.

“Either song would be amazing – you’re gonna kill it!” Tweek said excitedly to her best friend.

Marj smiled timidly, “You think so?”

“In the words of your favourite Sex and the City character, ‘Abso-fucking-lutely.”

The smile faded from Marj’s face and was replaced with a frown.

“I fucking hated Big.”

 

* * *

 

"I don't think that she's, um, very experienced,"  Craig said in answer to Kenny’s question as to whether they had fucked or not.

They were getting changed after a long football practice. Because they had reached the state playoffs, their coach had been extra hard on them, due to the fast approaching Christmas holidays. Craig and Kenny were fucking exhausted, they had never ran so much in their life. Coach had made sure to yell a warning at them, as they were finally allowed to leave the field, for eating too much turkey and partying too hard, as he expected them back in January, ready to go. They had all nodded in agreement until coach was out of earshot, promptly asking Token what he had planned for his annual New Year’s Eve soiree. He had decided on a mafia theme which meant that Kenny and Craig got to dress up again.

“Oh,” the blonde replied, raising his eyebrows in understanding, “So…like, have you done…anything?" 

“Nope.” Craig popped the ‘p’ for added emphasis of his aching blue balls.

“Have you tried?” Kenny prompted.

“Nope.” Craig said in the same way. It’s not like he didn’t want to, he just didn’t know how to approach the subject with the blonde. He was sure she would have a heart attack if he brought it up with her.

 “So what you gonna do?” Kenny said.

“I don’t know actually… what did you do with Marj?” Craig asked, lifting his shirt over his head and throwing the sweaty rag into his bag. Sure Craig had taken his fair share of ‘v’ cards before, but all the girls he had slept with in the past had been somewhat experienced. He had never dealt with a complete newbie before. Even Holly had sucked a dick before she went out with him, and Wendy, well her and Stan had fooled around enough for Wendy to know how to satisfy Craig. But Tallulah…well Tallulah was Tallulah. He was pretty sure she had never even seen a dick before, let alone touched or sucked one.

“I dunno, man, I think shit just happened…you know?” Kenny said, dousing himself in Axe body spray. Kenny never liked to shower at school and always waited until he was back at Craig’s house, or, god forbid, his own house before getting clean.

“Hmm,” Craig noised in agreement. He desperately wanted shit to happen with him and Tallulah, he was just at a loss on how to achieve it. She must know how hard she made him. Their make out sessions always ended with them grinding on each other. Plus, she was always moaning whenever things got too hot and heavy – if that wasn’t code for, ‘fuck me this instance’, he didn’t know what was.

“Have you spoken to her about it?” Kenny said, pulling a fresh t-shirt out of his bag and over his head. Craig rolled his eyes – it was another one of his shirts.

“No, man. What the fuck would I say? ‘Hey, wanna fuck?”

Kenny grinned, “Well, that’s a start.”

“A start would be…I dunno..’touch my dick’…or something?” Craig said, peeling his pants off. Unlike Kenny, Craig had to shower immediately after practice. Even the gross boys’ showers in the changing rooms couldn’t put him off. He needed to be clean.

“Please tell me you have never asked a girl to ‘touch your dick’,” Kenny laughed at Craig’s reaction which confirmed that he had indeed asked that question, “Jesus Christ, dude, how were you voted number one?”

Craig liked to think he was a smooth operator when it came to the ladies. His technique had never served him wrong, and he hadn’t come out and said ‘touch my dick’, he had, you know, just hinted it.

“Well…not in those words, no…”

Kenny face-palmed, “Craig, thank god you’re pretty. You’d be fucked if you weren’t.”

  

* * *

 

 

She ambushed Kyle at his lockers after the third day of enduring his silent treatment.

“Hey.”

Kyle’s face fell when he turned and saw Tweek stood there. Like he was disappointed there was nowhere to hide. He couldn’t pretend he hadn’t heard or seen her this time, she was practically 5 inches away from him.

“Hey,” he said reluctantly.

“So, are you still ignoring me?” Tweek smiled kindly, trying to lighten the mood.

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” he said bitterly.

“Kyle...” Tweek raised her eyebrows at him, calling out his bullshit.

“I wasn’t!” Kyle said defiantly.

“Okay, what have I done?”

“Nothing!”

“Kyle, cut the crap, just tell me what I’ve done.”

They stared at each other for a while in silence. Kyle scanned his brain, trying to think of how to word what he wanted to say to her. He was bitter that he had blown his chance for the third time. How did that saying go? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times – Jesus, dude, you’re just a fucking idiot.

Kyle sighed in defeat, “You said he was a dick to you.”

Oh.

Tweek’s face fell in understanding. She knew it had to be something to do with Craig. She knew that’s why Kyle was sulking, she just didn’t think he would dwell on it for this long.

“He, um…well he was. Things, things are just different now.”

For one thing, Craig was actually acknowledging her in front of other people. For another thing, he had given her his jacket, like he was proud to call her his own or something.

Kyle sneered, “Sure they are.”

Tweek furrowed her brows, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He’s just going to hurt you again. That’s what he does. I don’t know why you think you’re different.” Kyle said angrily.

Ouch. So Kyle thought that she was just one of Craig’s plural girls. Another girl that Craig would use and abuse. Thanks, Kyle. Nice.

“You don’t know him.” Tweek protested.

“No. YOU don’t know him.”

No. Kyle didn’t know him. Kyle didn’t know how sweet he could be, like when he would kiss her forehead and pull her into a hug. Or like, when he would lace their fingers together and walk her to class. He never saw any of that.

“Why are you acting like this? Why can’t you be happy for me?” Tweek got that Kyle was overprotective and she was flattered that he was looking out for her, but Jesus Christ, get a grip. She was 17, she could make her own mind up about someone.

“Because I’m the one that’s going to have to pick up the fucking pieces when he drops you.”

Tweek inhaled sharply. That was cruel. She blinked a few times in defeat, looking at Kyle with hurt in her eyes. She wasn’t asking him to pick up anything, and if the shit did hit the fan, of course, she expected him to be there. She didn’t realize he had such a problem with doing so, like she was a burden or something. She suddenly felt very self-conscious, like she had just been scolded by a stranger. 

She thought of that scene in Sex and the City, when Carrie and Miranda have that blazing argument over a guy, which was kind of ironic, because Kyle was ginger and Tweek was blonde, just like Miranda and Carrie. And here they were, arguing over a boy.

" _Just say it, you don’t like him!” Carrie had screamed at Miranda._

_“Fine! I don’t like him!” Miranda had shouted back._

_"Then don’t you go to Paris with him.” Carrie had concluded before turning and walking away from Miranda._

She bit her lip and looked away. She didn’t want to lose Kyle as a friend but she didn’t want to lose Craig either.

She swallowed hard and nodded at Kyle in understanding before turning and walking away from him.

“Tweek! Wait!” Kyle called after her.

She didn’t wait.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been two weeks since Tweek had attended a cheer practice. Her ankle was fully healed and the doctor said she would be able to resume her ‘normal’ activities. She didn’t know why he had put the normal in air quotes, like she had a really freaky social life that involved vigorous use of her ankles, but she took his advice nonetheless.

She walked into the gymnasium and was instantly set upon by the Head Cheerleader, Wendy Testaburger, who was flanked by her two right-hand men, Bebe and Annie. It was like they were waiting for her or something.

“Excuse me, what are you doing here?”

Wendy’s arrogant tone of voice got Tweek’s back up immediately. _Oh here we fucking go_ , she thought.

“Um….what?” Tweek stammered. Despite the fact that she was dating the star of the football team, Wendy and her fucking minions still intimidated the shit out of her.

“What are you doing here? You’re off the team.” Wendy stated harshly.

“What?” Tweek managed to say. What the actual fuck. Why? For what reason? Of all the rules, the cheerleaders had to abide by, Tweek hadn’t broken a single one. Yet Bebe Stevens was still in the team, despite being caught fucking her boyfriend on school grounds by a teacher.

“You. Are. Off. The. Team.” Wendy said sharply and slowly, as if Tweek was an idiot and was having trouble understanding. Annie and Bebe sniggered.

“Um…why?”

“You’ve missed too many practices,” Wendy shrugged her shoulders.

“I couldn’t walk?” Tweek said defiantly. Wendy was lucky that she had worded it in such a nice way. What she had actually wanted to say was, ‘You fucking showgirls-ed me, bitch. You’re the reason I hobbled around on crutches for a week like an absolute melon. You’re lucky it was just a bad sprain or I would be fucking suing you for damages.’

“Regardless. You’ve missed too many practices, we’ve got new routines - you couldn’t possibly catch up now,” Wendy shook her head as if it was a no brainer.

Tweek raised her eyebrows. Oh, so that’s how it was going to be. 

“What’s going on?” Nichole had noticed the ruckus and wandered over. Tweek knew it was to support her, as no one should be subjected to Wendy and her army of bitches.

“I’m off the team, apparently,” Tweek said impassively to the brunette. She didn’t want Wendy to think she was bothered. Which she actually really wasn’t. It was no skin off her arse if she cheered or not. There was plenty of other things she could be doing with her time. Like hanging with Marj, or like…she could join the Model UN. She’d definitely be an inoffensive country…like Switzerland or Sweden. It would help her case that she was blonde, that way she could avoid getting Azerbaijan or something.

“What!? Why?!” Nichole demanded, turning to Wendy, Bebe and Annie. 

Tweek was grateful for Nichole, she was fearless and certainly didn’t give a shit about Wendy or the other arseholes before her. Even though Wendy could kick her off the team too. Not that she would in a million years. Wendy wasn’t stupid. She had to have Nichole or else it would be ‘bye bye’ to Token’s parties.

“She’s missed too many practices for no reason,” Wendy declared, trying to remain authoritative in front of Nichole. 

“Are you serious, Wendy?” Nichole was looking at her with confused amusement on her face, “You’re the reason she got injured in the first place!” 

Oh shit. 

Tweek watched Wendy’s face turn a rather alarming shade of red before fading to her signature stark white fury.

“It was an accident,” she spat.

“Accident my black ass!” Nichole shouted. 

Tweek smirked which did not go unnoticed by Wendy. She looked at Tweek like she was about to launch herself at her. _Come at me, bruh!_ Tweek thought. People often underestimated her because of her size but she had grown up watching WWF/WWE and could execute a ‘Sweet Chin Music’ to the face when required.

“Whatever! She’s off the team!” Wendy screamed back hysterically, finally losing her cool. She looked like a crazy cat lady without the cats.

Nichole got ready to scream back but Tweek suddenly found her confidence and placed a hand gently on her shoulder.

“Nichole, it’s fine. Wendy and I both know this isn’t about cheerleading,” Tweek stated boldly, smiling widely at Wendy.

Bebe and Annie raised their eyebrows in horror, whilst Wendy’s jaw practically hit the floor. Nichole guffawed like she couldn’t believe Tweek had had the balls to point out the large pink elephant in the room.

The large pink elephant was called Craig Tucker. Tweek knew that Wendy would treat her worse than she already did when she found out that they were dating, but even she was surprised that Wendy had gone big with her anger, so soon. She expected Wendy to plot and scheme against her for a little bit. A few digs here and there, a few more spiked drinks, a few more routine sabotages. But no, Wendy had used her ace in the hole straight away.

“I’ll get Craig to drop off my uniform,” She made sure to enunciate Craig’s name and took great delight in seeing Wendy’s reaction which was a mixture of humiliation, fury and disbelief.

She didn’t give a shit about cheerleading anyway. She had only joined the squad because Wendy had begged her. The noriette was doing her a favour. Now she didn’t have a reason to speak to her anymore. 

“See you, then!” Tweek called out, as she turned and bounced out of the gym with Craig’s jacket on, flashing the Tucker lettering to Wendy and her motley crew, without a care in the world.

 

* * *

 

She had invited Marj over to hang out with the promise of Chinese food, snacks and a marathon of Sex and the City, as she didn’t have her usual cheer practice to attend, much to Marj’s delight. Although a casual evening binge-watching their favourite show, wasn’t the only reason why Tweek had asked Marj along - she had ulterior motives; she needed Marj’s help. Marj had a sex life and Tweek desperately needed advice in the bedroom department.

“How did the audition go?” 

“It went well…I think. You never know though, like, me and Kenny thought we had killed it last time and like, we didn’t even get a part as a shitty extra, so you know. Who knows?” Marj was going to town on her takeaway, like she had never had Chinese food before. She probably hadn’t. Tweek remembered her saying how strict her parents were about food.

“When do you find out?” 

“Tomorrow. They’ll post it on the drama noticeboards at lunch.”

“I have everything crossed for you,” Tweek grinned, holding up her two hands with crossed fingers. 

Marj smiled, “So how are things going with Craig?” she asked through a mouthful of chow mein. 

“Good, things are…yeah, they’re um, good,” Tweek nodded, placing a hand in front of her mouth to stop Marj from seeing any chewed food. Tweek couldn’t help it, it’s the way she had been raised.

“Have you seen his eggplant yet?” Marj grinned.

The blonde had made fun of Tweek for referring to Craig’s manhood in such a childlike way. Tweek couldn’t bring herself to say ‘penis’, ‘cock’ or ‘dick’ in a sexual way. Yes, she could call someone a ‘dick’ or ‘cock robin’ but to actually refer to a boy’s yoo hoo like…that. No. Sorry. No. 

Tweek flushed bright red, “Um…no. No, we, um, haven’t…no, I haven’t seen it.” She stammered. Marj grinned wickedly.

“Do you want to see it?”

Tweek frowned at Marj…penises weren’t the prettiest things to look at, were they? The way Marj had asked her was like in the way someone would say, ‘Hey, wanna see a dead body?’ like an actual sight to behold, not just a cock and balls to gawk at. And even if she did want to look at it, what the fuck would she say to Craig to make that happen? ‘Can I take a peek at your cock robin?’ And then what? If he whipped it out and she just eyeballed it like, ‘Yep, that’s deffo a penis, thanks for confirming that, you can put it away now.’ 

“Not…like… I don’t just wanna, you know…um…look at it,” Tweek said.

Marj burst out laughing immediately, “I didn’t mean like that you lunatic!”

Tweek flushed again from embarrassment. What DID she mean then?

“I meant, like, do you want, to like, DO things?” Marj said, raising her eyebrows at Tweek, hoping the blonde would read between the lines.

Realisation dawned on Tweek, “Oh! Right…um, yeah. I mean, yes. Um, yes I would, I think. But um, I haven’t…like…ever… so, you know?” she trailed off, swirling her food around the box with her fork awkwardly.

Marj nodded sympathetically, “Hey…don’t worry about it. Kenny was my first, you know… everything.”

“Well…I’ve given a, um…” Tweek made the gesture for a handjob making Marj smile.

“Tweek, you’re gonna have to start saying the actual words.”

Tweek nodded reluctantly, “Um…you know…a…a handjob,” she cringed again as she paired it with the gesture without meaning to.

“Okay, well that’s a start!” Marj said encouragingly.

Was it? Tweek couldn’t bring herself to tell Marj that it had happened three years ago at summer camp and she couldn’t actually remember how one performed a handjob, as the memory had left her with nothing but deep shame and an irrational fear of Snickers, rather than with tips on how to improve her technique.

“I’ll help you, we can like…practice,” Marj said confidently, placing her food on Tweek’s nightstand.

Tweek raised her eyebrows in alarm. Practice? How the fuck would they practice? For one thing, they didn’t have the right equipment and although Tweek was flattered that Marj would let her experiment on her, she was sure she couldn’t apply the same methods to a vagina as you would a cock.

“What?! How?!” Tweek practically shrieked which elicited another giggle from Marj.

“Not on each other, you mentalist! I meant like with objects… I can, um, show you…things.”

Ahhh right. That made a lot more sense.

“Do you have anything, that, um, resembles a penis?” Marj asked.

Tweek quirked her eyebrow at her best friend, “Come again?”

“Like a dildo…or… cucumber or….something?”

Tweek looked horrified. No, she didn’t have a fucking dildo. She hadn’t had sex yet, why would she willingly stick a fucking dildo up herself?

“Um, I think I have some bananas?” Tweek said sheepishly. Her mom always bought her bananas despite knowing that her daughter hated them. She rimmed on about potassium and how good they were for your body. Tweek couldn’t give a shit how good they were for you, she would rather die than eat one.

“Perfect!” Marj clapped her hands.

Tweek went downstairs to retrieve the bananas from the overstocked fruit bowl which she hardly ever touched. It was always freshly stocked though and the fruit looked perfect, like it could have been made out of wax or something. They probably were, her house was like a show home, as it was. 

When she re-entered the bedroom, Marj had a spread of condoms on the bed. _Where the fuck had they come from?_ Tweek thought.  She looked to the condoms and then to her friend skeptically, asking for an explanation using just her eyeballs.

“They give them to me at the clinic, when I get my birth control,” Marj answered Tweek’s silent question.

“But you’re on the pill?" 

“’The pill does not protect against STDs’,” Marj said robotically, like in a way a health professional would say, “Honestly, I have 100s of them.”

“Okay…and what are we doing with them?” Tweek asked. She had a banana in each hand, like she was trying to do a shit impression of Donkey Kong. 

“I’m not sticking a bare banana down my throat,” Marj confirmed, “Plus, it’ll help you practice putting them on.”

“Unfortunately, I know all too well how to ‘put them on’,” Tweek smiled, “My parents, um, gave me quite the thorough lesson on how to apply a Johnny to a Richard.” 

Marj laughed at Tweek’s childlike analogy, “God damn it, Tweek.”

Tweek went over to the bed and handed Marj one of the bananas. They each took a condom and rolled it over the fruit. Tweek made a joke about doing it with her mouth and giggled hard at Marj’s reaction to finding out that Tweek’s mum had shown her the technique.

“Quick question,” Tweek said, condom-covered banana in hand, “When giving a…a blowy… are you, like, supposed to use a condom?”

Marj snorted, “Blowy? For fuck’s sake Tweek, you are too adorable! But um, no, well technically, yes, as you can still get STDs from oral sex, but like, normally, people don’t…you know? Like, sex, yes absolutely, but oral…no, as long as you are confident that your partner is clean…so in your case, I’d definitely use a condom.”

Tweek biffed her on the forehead with the banana. Marj giggled hysterically.

“Fuck off." 

Craig had been around the bases with many different players. She got that. People didn’t need to keep rimming on about it and reminding her of how experienced he was or how diseased he may or may not be.

“Okay, so a blowjob is like my favourite thing to do,” Marj said, waving the banana around to make her point, “It’s dead easy when you know what you’re doing.”

“Easy?” Tweek raised her eyebrows at her. Yeah right, she thought, “To quote Samantha Jones, ‘You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothing.’" 

“Why do you know that off by heart?” Marj grinned.

“I told you I was a fan.”

“Well, it is easy, once you know how!” 

“Question, why do they call it a blow job when you don’t actually blow on ‘it’? Shouldn’t it be called a ‘suck job’,” Tweek asked. She was confident Marj wasn’t going to judge her for her lack of knowledge and experience and was pretty sure that she could ask any of the 100s of embarrassing questions that she was desperate to be answered. Google only went so far, and she was pretty sure the government spied on everyone’s search history, and when she was eventually brought in for questioning, she didn’t want ‘how to stop yourself from queefing’ flashing up when they brought out her file.

“Good question, I don’t actually know?” Marj said unsurely, tapping the banana innocently against her face as she thought, “Ok, so first things first-" 

“-Another question. Has Kenny ever peed down your throat when you are sucking him off?”

“What!?”

“Like can boys piss when they have a boner?” 

“What the fuck Tweek?! No I don’t think they can??”

“Oh, okay… that’s good, I guess.”

Marj looked at her in bewilderment before turning back to the matter at hand. _Or at mouth_ , Tweek thought.

“Okay, so first things first, like you wanna tease them a little bit, make them want it. The head is the most sensitive so you want to like lick it delicately, maybe plant a few kisses on it, like,” Marj started demonstrating on the banana, it was very sexual and Tweek couldn’t help but think they should be doing this on webcam and earning some dollar bills for the effort. “Okay, you try.”

Tweek put the banana to her mouth and began mimicking Marj’s actions, as Marj complimented her encouragingly with, ‘that’s it’ and ‘good job!’

“I’m not going to lie, I feel like a right dick,” Tweek said (no pun intended).

“Do you want to learn or not?” Marj huffed.

Tweek nodded, “I do and, um, I need to know in time for Christmas.”

“Why Christmas?” Marj asked. Her voice was filled with amusement. 

“Um, like, we’ve agreed not to get each other anything because like, we’ve only been seeing each other for, like a month… but like, I thought that maybe…”

“Super sexy Christmas blowy?” Marj grinned.

“Um…yeah,” Tweek said sheepishly. She wanted to surprise Craig with a blowjob, as she was certain he thought she was asexual, which wasn’t the case, she was just terrified.

“In an hour, you’ll be an expert,” Marj grinned again at her.

True to her word, it only really took an hour for Tweek to grasp the basics of how to give a good blowy. Marj had talked her through everything, from stroking the balls with your free hand, to seeing if Tweek could deep throat or not.

She could not. Well not without nearly vomming Chinese food everywhere. 

However, she was confident enough that she knew what to do when the time came. Marj had encouraged her to keep practicing and stashed many of her free clinic condoms into Tweek’s nightstand.

Their evening was cut rather short when Tweek received a message from Craig, asking if he could come round.

Not one for bailing on her friend, Tweek was about to tell him she was busy but Marj had been that excited that Tweek might get to try out her new skills, she had insisted that Tweek message him back immediately saying yes, she was, in fact, free, and yes, they could gladly hang out. 

“I told you, it’s for Christmas!” Tweek protested. 

“Yeah, yeah. See where the night takes you,” Marj winked, before gathering her things to leave, “Make sure you get rid of the practice evidence!” She warned Tweek as she was walking down the stairs, “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Oh god. The banana!

Tweek sprinted back upstairs and grabbed her practice banana off the bed. She decided to dispose of it in the kitchen bin, just in case Craig happened to root through her bedroom bin. Not that she thought he would but she had to take these precautions, as God had a funny way of shitting on her and thrusting her into embarrassing situations.

She spent the rest of the time getting ready, ensuring that she smelt nice, her breath was fresh and not condom-tasting, and that she didn’t have a stupid t-shirt on.

 

She was ready.

 

* * *

 

It was the second time Craig had been round to her house that week. But unlike the first time, he had zero interest in completing homework assignments.

They started making out as soon as they were through her bedroom door. Craig lifted her up and carried her over to the bed without breaking the kiss. At first, Tweek thought he might throw her onto the bed and climb on top of her but instead,  he sat down so that she was on top of him. She couldn't help but think that he liked it when she straddled him because he could press his eggplant into her.

He had his hands on her ass and pulled her closer to him, igniting the familiar surge of pleasure through her body. Tweek thought this was the perfect opportunity to do something (anything!), as they were alone in her large house, sat on her King-sized bed. They had all of the equipment ready to go, it was just her and her stupid lack of experience that was holding them back. If she were a normal teenager, she'd probably already be naked right now, with a dick in her mouth. Maybe she didn't have to wait for Christmas to give Craig his 'gift', maybe she could use her newly taught skills tonight and say it was for Hanukkah or something? But Craig wasn't Jewish and neither was she. Did she even need a reason to give a blowjob? People usually just cracked them out for the fun of it, didn't they?

She had begun to get more confident in their make-out sessions and had discovered that Craig also liked to have his neck sucked. Which is why she had thought that he would probably like having another part of himself sucked too. She pulled away from the kiss and started working her way down his perfect neck, lightly nibbling and sucking his smooth and yummy skin. He moaned slightly and removed his hands from her ass, placing them behind him on the bed, for support. He turned his head and she thought he was hinting that she should start working on another area, but no, he was looking at something-

"Um, Tallulah...Why is there a condom-covered banana on your bed?"

She froze mid nibble and suck and pulled away from his neck. In his hand was one of the practice bananas from before. Fuck. She was sure she had destroyed the evidence! She had definitely thrown hers away...

Oh fuck you, Marj.

She looked at the banana and then at Craig and then back at the banana, trying desperately to think of an explanation.

"It's not what it looks like." 

He raised his eyebrows at her, "Well, that's good then."

He was looking at her like she had gone mad. What DID it look like? It was a fucking phallic shaped object covered in a condom. He definitely thought she was using it for perverted reasons. She needed him to know that she wasn't. She needed him to know, she hadn't used it in THAT way. Maybe she could ask him to smell it as proof...no she couldn't possibly ask him to...oh fuck...could you imagine? 'Here ya, mate, take a whiff of my banana,' Who would willingly sniff a normal banana anyway, let alone one covered in a condom that may or may not have been used for perverted sex reasons. 

She was pretty sure she was about two seconds away from dying of embarrassment. The banana was still lingering in his hands on her bed. Her fucking bed of all places. It was as good as being caught red-handed. Red-dildoed. 

Tweek made a mad dash to grab the offending object, yanking it out of his hands and jumping up out of his lap, placing it behind her back, like he hadn't already seen it. Like she could fucking salvage the situation.

"It's for Christmas."

She watched as Craig's face changed to shocked amusement.

"Oh, Jesus, not like that!" She tried to dig herself out of the hole she had begun digging.

He definitely thought she was going to use it to give herself a festive orgasm. She was scanning her brain for a plausible excuse. Should she just come out and tell him that she was trying to learn how to suck dick? Or should she just leave it and let him think that's what she used to get herself off? Both excuses were fucking horrendous.

She eventually decided to go for the former option and pulled the banana from behind her back, holding it nervously.

"It's for you."

Fuck. No. That came out wrong. Now he probably thought she had got him a condom covered banana as a gift. Normal people bought socks or watches as gifts, she apparently bought prophylactic covered fruit. 

"You shouldn't have," He said skeptically, the smirk on his face was growing wider by the second, "You'll have to return it though, I already have a condom-covered courgette."

"No...not like that!" Oh fuck, the hole she was digging was heading to China at a rapid rate. Ni Hao everybody.

"Go on?" he said encouragingly like he couldn't wait to hear what explanation she could possibly think of for the homemade Christmas dildo in her hand.

"Look, um, it's really embarrassing and if I told you the real reason you would think I was a complete weirdo," she said, waving the banana around subconsciously. Why did she have to use her hands so much when she spoke? She was like a sexual conductor for the orchestra of virgins.

"Tallulah, I already think you're a complete weirdo," Craig said, still smirking.

How rude. She wasn't that bad was she? Maybe he liked that she was weird. He had given her his jacket after all...

"It's just...look...I'm not very experienced...when it comes to....um..." She squirmed, still waving her phallic conductor's stick around. She knew she had turned bright red and she suddenly felt very, very hot, like she could pass out at any moment. Why did shit like this always happen to her? She knew she was going to have to tell him sooner or later, why not get it over with now? She would have probably preferred to tell him when there wasn't a condom covered banana in her hand but fuck it. It's now or never. She swallowed nervously, "I'm a virgin." 

Craig's face didn't change at the statement, not even a quirk of his eyebrow, and it dawned on her that he probably already knew as much.

"And you were going to practice with a banana?" He said. The amusement was completely wiped from his face. He just looked fucking confused and concerned, like when you squint one eye in a way that says, what the fuck, man.

"Jesus, NO!" She wasn't sticking a fucking banana up herself thank you very much. She knew she should have got him to sniff it, "I...um...haven't done... a lot... of....you know...sexy stuff, um...like...I've done 'stuff', well not plural...not like you...it was a singular thing...so-"

"Sexy stuff?" He still looked confused.

"Like, you know...um..." She twisted her wrist of the arm with the hand that still contained the banana in and made a handjob gesture, when he still didn't get it, she raised the banana near her mouth and mimicked the thrusting associated with giving head.

His eyes flitted to the motion and then back to her, amusement returning to his face.

"You mean foreplay?" 

That sounded much better than 'sexy stuff', god she was an idiot.

"Um...yeah..." she said, dropping the banana to her sides Was the action fucking necessary? She was going to be known as 'Banana Barbie', she could see it now. Pete would have a field day. 

"Right," he nodded unsurely, "And Christmas?"

Oh fuck.

"Oh Jesus Christ," She said, bringing her hands to her face. When she realised she was still holding the banana and couldn't even carry out a proper facepalm, without rubbing the thing all over her face, she tossed it back onto the bed. Craig pressed his lips together to stop himself from laughing. "It doesn't matter..." she scrunched her eyes together and cringed hard.

"No, no. I'm intrigued," Craig smirked. He was fucking loving this.

This time she was able to put her head in her hands without a homemade dildo being in the way, "Please don't make me say it." 

"Say what?" He said innocently. 

She dropped her hands to look at him, "Oh fuck off." 

Craig started laughing and pulled her back down on the bed with him and planted a kiss on her forehead, "You are too cute."

She could still feel the kiss he had just left on her forehead, it made her feel funny...good funny... Doug Funnie, the title character from that cartoon from the 90s.

"So you don't mind that I, um..that I'm...um," She rambled, unable to look up at him.

"What? A virgin?"

 _Say what you see, mate. Fucking hell._  

"Well I was gonna say inexperienced, but, um yeah..."

"No, I don't care that you're a virgin, Tallulah," Craig said, planting another kiss on her head. 

"Stop saying virgin" she mumbled putting her head in her hands again. She didn't know why, but she didn't like being referred to as a virgin, even though she was one. It was like addressing the elephant in the room, it made her embarrassed and uncomfortable. She wasn't ready to have the 'sex' talk with him, she was already psyching herself up to give her first ever blowy. Getting her front door smashed in was way down on the agenda. In fact, she'd probably bring it up in 'any other business', i.e. at the end of the meeting, after they had gone through all the other items on the agenda. It would probably be a long meeting. What fucking meeting? She needed to stop daydreaming and thinking up shit analogies for sex that only she understood. She could just imagine his face if she started asking him for items for the agenda for Tuesday's meeting, or if he used a battering ram to open doors...

"Why?"

"It just makes me feel weird." She said, removing her hands from her face but still unable to look at him.

"So I can't call you 'my little virgin?'"

She knew he would be smirking and she had the urge to punch him hard in the sides, but she didn't.

She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes, "No, you may not."

"Aww, why not?" he whined, with the smallest hint of a smile dancing on his face.

"Because it's degrading! Virgins are people too, Craig. If you prick us, do we not bleed?" Her eyes widened, as she realised what she had just said. Craig pressed his lips together, holding back yet another smirk. She cringed and turned away from him, "Yes. I heard it." 

"You really don't have a filter, do you?"

"Maybe you could get me one for Christmas," she joked.

"Hmmm," he nodded, "But would it beat the condom-covered banana?"

This time, she did punch him. 

"Fuck off." 

 

* * *

 

 

“I didn’t even know they knew each other!” Stan said to Kyle. They were at Ronny’s Diner for their weekly catch up. Even though they had been hanging out a lot more since Stan had dumped Wendy, the extra football practices had meant that he hadn’t been able to see Kyle as much as he would have liked to. He had been that exhausted, that, unlike his fellow teammates who hung out afterward, he had just gone straight home to crash in his bed. 

“I know, right?” Kyle said, taking a sip of his vanilla milkshake. Even though he was wallowing in self-pity, he still wanted to try and set Stan up with the hot waitress.  Unfortunately, she hadn’t served them and was stood at the other side of the diner, where the goths were. Kyle was annoyed at Pete and the rest of them for occupying her precious time by refilling their coffee instead of taking his and Stan’s order.

Kyle kept catching her glancing over at them though, and he knew there was a chance for his plan to work.

“Like…how did they even?” Stan began. No one was more shocked than him when Tweek had entered the cafeteria wearing Craig Tucker’s letterman. It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone or something.

“Apparently they got together after that party.” 

“That long ago?!” Stan said in disbelief. He remembered that Craig had carried her home but thought nothing of it. Shit, they had kept that quiet.

“But then, she ended it because he was a dick apparently. But apparently not because here we fucking are.” Kyle huffed. Swirling his straw around his cup viciously. 

“It won’t last, dude. He goes through girls like socks,” Stan said, unable to find an accurate analogy which fit Craig’s habit for girls.

“I know, but like, she doesn’t deserve it, man. She’s better than that. She deserves better than that.”

Sure Kyle was bitter that she had a thing with a guy that wasn’t him. But what really bothered him was the fact that Craig would probably just fuck and chuck her like he did the rest. The thought of him using her like that made Kyle’s blood boil. He wasn’t 100% sure but he got the impression that Tweek was a virgin, and Craig collected virgins. He had probably sought her out, like the sick bastard that he was.

“I’ll talk to him, see what his, like, intentions are,” Stan said.

“You already know what his fucking intentions are,” Kyle said, as the old-ass waitress brought over their food. They both thanked her before returning to their conversation. 

“Yeah but I can, like, tell him not to fuck with her,” Stan said, taking a bite out of his burger. 

“You think he’ll listen to you?” Kyle smirked. Craig and Stan hated each other. Craig would probably punch him in the face if Stan even dared to say ‘hello’ to him.

Stan shrugged, “We’ve been getting on a lot better recently.”

It was true, Craig and Stan had actually been getting on recently, Stan had almost forgotten why they even hated each other in the first place. 

“Hey, is everything okay with your meal?” The hot waitress had wandered over to their table to check on them. Kyle noticed their old-ass fuck waitress lurking in the background watching them fondly.

Kyle smiled widely, “Yeah, everything’s great. Thank you.”

“Yeah, great,” Stan agreed smiling up at her.

Kyle noticed a faint blush dusting her cheeks as she locked eyes with Stan.

“Awesome, well, if you need anything, just let me know,” she said nervously. 

“We will, um….?”

“Taylor, my name’s Taylor,” she said, not taking her eyes off Stan.

“Great, Taylor, we’ll let you know if we need anything,” Kyle smirked. 

“Okay, great!” Taylor said, before turning and hurrying back to the counter where the old waitress was waiting.

“She’s cute,” Kyle said.

Stan grinned, “You like her?”

“No, dude, I meant, for like, you?”

“Oh.” Stan turned his head to look back at Taylor, who was talking animatedly to the old waitress. “Oh, um, yeah…yeah, she is cute.”

“She’s totally into you, dude.”

“What? No way! How can you tell?” 

“Jesus, Stan, and you say I’m bad at this. She was clearly checking you out.” 

“Was she?” 

“Are you fucking kidding me, dude? Every time we’re in here, she stares at you!”

“Oh.”

Kyle laughed, “Yeah, Oh! Go give her your fucking number.”

“What? No way!” Stan said defensively. 

“Why not?” 

“What if she, like, laughs in my face or something?”

“You’re the fucking star quarterback of the soon-to-be state champions, South Park Cows. Go and give her your fucking number.”

Stan shook his head, “No way, dude.”

Kyle folded his arms and glared at his best friend, “If you don’t, I will.”

“You wouldn’t,” Stan said unsurely.

“Wanna bet?”

They stared at each other defiantly. Stan knew that Kyle would follow through with his threat... he wasn’t bluffing, he never fucking was. Stan sighed, “Fine. Pass me that napkin.” 

Kyle grinned, “I have a pen too.”

“Jesus Christ, dude. How long have you had this planned?”

“A while.” 

Stan jotted his number on the napkin and reluctantly slid out of the booth, making his way over to Taylor who was sorting out cutlery. Kyle watched him make nervous chit-chat before slipping Taylor the napkin awkwardly. The girl looked over the moon and eagerly took out her own notepad, jotting down her digits to give to him. Stan smiled at her, before turning and sauntering back to the table. Kyle noticed that he did so with swag that he didn’t have before, and knew the boy was peacocking. 

“Happy?” Stan said as he sat down.

Kyle grinned, “Very.”

 

* * *

  

“I really can’t thank you enough, you absolute bellend,” Tweek said, as soon as Marj opened the car door.

It was the last day of school before they broke up for the Christmas Holidays. It was also the day that they found out who had been cast for ‘Grease’. 

“What?” Marj said innocently, buckling her seatbelt.

“Guess what Craig found on the bed…” Tweek said. sarcastically

Marj’s eyes widened in shock, “Oh my god! I’m so sorry,” she said before bursting into hysterical laughter.

“Yeah, so that made for a fantastic conversation." 

Marj was crying with laughter like actual tears were coming out of her eyes, “What the fuck did you tell him?” 

“What could I fucking tell him!? He definitely thinks I had made a homemade dildo, I’ll tell you that for free.” 

Marj laughed harder and wiped the tears from her eyes, “So you didn’t get to try out your new skills then?” 

“No, of course, I fucking didn’t. The mood was well and truly killed.”

Marj was still grinning from ear to ear. Her cheeks were stained with her tears, “So no super sexy pre-Christmas blowy for Craig?” 

They pulled up to a traffic light and Tweek turned to glare at her. 

“No. No fucking super sexy blowy for Craig.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“Merry Christmas, Millie.” Red was handing out Christmas cards and had approached Millie at her locker. 

Millie looked down at the envelope.

“Um, thanks,” she said, looking up at the redhead.

“Hope you have a good one,” Red said, looking intently into her eyes.

Millie nodded, “You too.”

She knew that there was a letter waiting for her inside the envelope which was masked as a Christmas card, but she also new Red wouldn’t want her to acknowledge it in such a public forum.

When Millie had ended it, she hadn’t expected Red to react the way she did. She had been absolutely devastated and had even cried on Millie, which Millie had found excruciatingly awkward. She had patted her on the back, like you would a dog, as Red’s snot and tears stained her shoulder.

In the weeks since, Red had left countless voicemails, sent countless texts and even tried to corner Red on her way home from school, begging the strawberry blonde to reconsider.

Millie hadn’t expected it, to say the least. She didn’t think Red had cared about her in that way. But she was wrong.

So she took the envelope from Red’s hand, as it was the kind thing to do.

Maybe she’d read the letter, maybe she wouldn’t. 

 

* * *

 

The hallway was crowded as Marj made her way to the drama rooms. She had spent the morning clock watching and it had been absolute agony. Even watching Christmas movies in most of her classes hadn’t helped to pass the time. She was nervous as hell and hadn’t revealed to anyone how badly she had wanted a part in the musical…Not even Kenny. She had been trying to downplay her eagerness, as when her name wasn’t on the sheet, people wouldn’t think she was too disappointed.

She had text Kenny to meet her outside the drama rooms, so they could look at the cast list together. He wasn’t anywhere to be seen and her head kept instinctively shooting to the noticeboard where students had gathered to peer at the list.

It was right there. Right there.

She started fidgeting on the spot, like a child waiting to enter Disneyland, whose parents are taking forever packing the shit from the car.

If she had better eyesight, she’d be able to make out the words. But it was just that too far out of reach for her to see anything.

Fuck, she wanted to look so bad. Where was he?!

A few students had noticed her stood waiting and were looking at her curiously. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

 _Hurry up, Kenny. Please._ She thought.

A girl who she recognized from her Geography class came bouncing up to her, “Well done, babe!” She said with a kind smile.

Marj looked at her blankly and then over to the sheet where the girl had just been stood. 

“What?”Marj said rudely. She hadn’t meant to, she was in a sort of trance. Why was the girl congratulating her? Was she on the sheet? Was her name actually on the sheet?! 

Oh, fuck Kenny.

She tore away from the girl and stormed over to the noticeboard where the crowd parted to let her through. It was like something straight out of a movie.

Her fingers traced the cheap computer paper that the cast list had been printed on. She started from the bottom, as she expected to see her name as one of the chorus. When she didn’t see her name she continued scanning up the page, hoping that she had been cast as one of the lesser-known Pink Ladies. Her eyeballs eagerly took in the black ink, darting furiously from side-to-side, like she was watching Wimbledon.

She noticed Kenny’s name first, next to the role of Kenickie. She gasped with delight.

The next name that stood out on the stark white paper was Bebe Stevens who had been given the role of Rizzo. Her heart started furiously pounding in her chest. That meant...No...surely not...Could it be?

“Babe! Did you get a part?” 

Marj heard Kenny’s voice but couldn’t process what he had said to her, as her eyes had landed on the second line of the list and she had frozen in shock 

No. It wasn’t possible.

“Babe! Did you get a part?” Kenny called again. He sounded closer this time, although it was like Marj was hearing it in a dream. 

She felt a hand land on her shoulder and finally turned to look up at her boyfriend. Her fingers were still hovering over the second line of the cast sheet.

Kenny squinted at the sheet, staring at what her fingers were pointing at. His eyes widened and he turned to grin with pride at his girlfriend.

Next to the role of Sandy Olsson was her own name. 

Marjory Stotch had been given the lead role.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do continue to leave your lovely, lovely comments. 
> 
> Also I'm on Tumblr (Guestswithoutbags) - I don't have a Scooby Do what to do on it, but you want to ask me anything, feel free. If not, I'll just continue to reblog Rick and Morty memes...


	13. Netflix and Chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously overwhelmed at the positive response to this fic <3
> 
> A thousand times thank you :)
> 
> There may be a bit of a wait for the next chapter - it will be next week but I don't know whether I'll be able to meet my Sunday 'deadline', as I have a few work events this week.
> 
> Also, I've been thinking of how many chapters this is going to end up...and I'm thinking that it will probably be close to twenty.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading :D xxx

 

 “How’s the girlfriend, Kenny?” Thomas Tucker asked through a mouthful of Turkey.

It was a tradition for Kenny and his sister Karen to eat Christmas Dinner with the Tuckers. It had started when Kenny was 12 -  his family always ate early and it wasn’t exactly a feast. His mom did try but when you had no money there was only so much you could do. So he was grateful that Craig’s family always included him and his sister. It helped that Karen and Trisha were also best friends like he and Craig were. Laura and Thomas saw Kenny and Karen as family. Kenny was practically their second son. They even bought him a shit ton of Christmas presents for Christ’s sake. He would never forget their generosity.

“She’s great actually, she’s been cast as Sandy in Grease, so she’s really happy,” Kenny beamed at Thomas proudly.

Thomas chuckled, “Sandy, eh? Will she have to wear the leather pants?” 

Kenny grinned, “I hope so.”

“THOMAS!” Laura warned her husband. He grinned cheekily and winked at Kenny.

“What about you, Craig? You seeing anyone special?” Thomas asked his son lazily. He was expecting the usual ‘no’ response from the teenager.

“Has he not told you about his girlfriend?” Kenny feigned a shocked reaction, knowing full well that Craig wouldn’t have said anything.

Craig sighed, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Kenny rolled his eyes, “What is she then?”

Craig shrugged, “Just a girl I’m seeing.”

The occupants of the table exchanged looks with each other at Craig’s confession. 

“What’s her name, son?” Thomas asked.

Craig finished chewing his mouthful of food before responding. He took his time doing so which annoyed the table, “Tallulah.”

“Tallulah Tweek,” Kenny corrected, “Heir to the Tweek Coffee fortune.”

Craig’s dad raised his eyebrows, clearly both shocked and impressed at his son’s choice.

“Nu-uh! She’s dating Kyle Broflovski!” Trisha protested. Karen nodded in agreement. 

“No she’s not,” Craig scoffed.

“She is too! Ike told us!” Karen replied.

“Well Ike is lying,” Craig spat.

“Nope. Ike said that she came round to his house to meet his parents before taking Kyle out on a date. He said that Kyle had made a big effort too, like with his hair and wearing new clothes,” Trisha recited from memory.

“That’s a bit weird, isn’t it usually the other way round?” Thomas Tucker said.

Kenny smiled, “Well Kyle can’t drive and Sheila’s a typical Jewish mother and won’t let her son date without vetting the candidates thoroughly-“

“-They went to a concert together, it wasn’t a date,” Craig cut Kenny off bitterly.

“I don’t know, Craig, it sounds to me like it was a date,” Kenny teased. Craig shot him a glare.

“Ike said she’s really really pretty and he didn’t know how his brother had managed to get such a pretty girlfriend,” Trisha continued.

“She’s not his girlfriend,” Craig huffed, clearly annoyed with the conversation.

“Well, according to you, she’s not yours either,” Kenny said lightly and Craig shot him another glare.

“Well Kyle definitely likes her but Ike said his mom didn’t, so maybe he won’t be allowed to date her,” Karen shrugged.

“They’re not dating.” Craig said through gritted teeth. Kenny could tell he was one more comment away from getting up and storming off.

"Why didn’t Sheila like her?” Thomas asked, wondering whether there was a legitimate reason why he should be wary of the girl.

“She had a t-shirt on saying ‘people equal shit’,” Karen answered and both Thomas and Laura raised their eyebrows, “Ike said his mom thought it was inappropriate.”

“Well that is inappropriate,” Laura Tucker said sternly.

Kenny laughed, “It’s one of the band’s slogans, she had it on for the concert.”

“Oh. I see,” Laura said, still not convinced.

“Ike likes her too. He has like the biggest crush on her. He’s been to every football game just so he can see her cheer,” Trisha said.

“She’s a cheerleader, huh?” Thomas Tucker smirked. His son had a ‘thing’ for cheerleaders.

“Not anymore,” Craig said, shoving more turkey into his mouth.

Kenny gave him a puzzled look.

"Wendy kicked her out, said she’d missed too many practices,” Craig shrugged through a mouthful of food.

Kenny laughed in disbelief and shook his head.

The table fell silent again, as they finished their meal. Craig’s mom stood to clear the plates but Kenny shot up and told her he and Craig would do it, much to Craig’s dismay. Laura smiled fondly at Kenny and stroked his hair.

 

* * *

 

“So when are you seeing Tallulah?” Kenny said, passing Craig a plate to stack.

“Tomorrow,” Craig said, taking the plate from Kenny and shoving it in the dishwasher. Kenny frowned - loading a dishwasher was like playing Tetris – it took skill. Craig was just lobbing the plates in willy-nilly.

“What you got planned?”

“Nothing,” Craig shrugged. 

Kenny passed him another plate and cringed as Craig tried to squeeze it into the bottom shelf that he had stacked haphazardly.

“No, no, no – you’re doing it wrong! Right, we’re switching,” Kenny demanded, changing places with Craig and unloading the dishwasher so he could do it properly.

“Jesus Christ, man! They’re just dishes,” Craig complained.

Kenny unloaded the dishwasher completely and started again. Craig had to admit he was quite good at it. Not that it was a skill that would get him anywhere or anything.

“So, you gonna try anything?” Kenny asked. He actually liked loading a dishwasher – they didn’t have one at his house, so it was kind of a novelty for him.

“Maybe… I dunno,” Craig shrugged. He was leaning against the counter watching Kenny do his thing, “You don’t really think it was a date, do you?" 

Kenny stopped loading the dishwasher and looked up at his best friend with his signature smirk. He knew the comment would have got to him, “No. I was winding you up.”

Craig flipped him off lazily.

Kenny shrugged at him, “Why would you care anyway? You weren’t ‘dating’ each other then and it’s not like she’s your girlfriend,” Kenny said innocently. He knew he was leaning on Craig’s button. In fact, he had been jabbing at it all afternoon. Craig narrowed his eyes at the boy.

  
“Fuck off, Kenny.”

 

* * *

 

“So Lulu, how’s school?” Richard Tweek asked his daughter.

They were eating Christmas Dinner in their own home, which was strange for Tweek, as her parents were hardly ever home these days. She was surprised they had actually made it to the right house.

Her mom who had gone balls to the wall with her version of ‘classy’ Christmas decorations, i.e tasteful but extra. A huge 15ft Christmas Tree took centre stage in their hallway, in the middle of the twin staircase. It had hundreds of white lights, baubles and ribbons on, and there was even a train track at the base with a Christmas steam train running around it. It was kind of magical, like the shit you saw in those Christmas movies. Tweek loved just sitting and looking at it, watching the lights change and listening to the soft hum of the train, it made her feel relaxed.

“It’s really good actually. Yeah. I, um, really like it,” Tweek smiled at her Dad.

Her dad had taken 2 days off work to spend some quality time with his family. He usually took off far longer, however, the business was doing really well, with new stores opening practically every month, and Richard Tweek was a  micromanager – it drove him insane to be away for prolonged periods.

“Your mom tells me you’re on the cheerleading team?” Richard said, taking a sip of his expensive merlot.

Their Christmas dinner was always an opulent affair, with Tweek’s mom catering for at least a dozen people even though there was only the three of them. The kitchen resembled something straight out of those really posh supermarket Christmas catalogues, where the food looked too good to be real. You couldn’t move for food. It was on every visible surface– from fresh lobsters to a huge free-range turkey that was the size of a small toddler, they had it all. It was excessive and unnecessary, and yet another way her for her parents to show off their wealth.

“Was…um, I was on the cheerleading team,” Tweek corrected her dad.  

Tweek’s mom looked up from her meal at her daughter, “What happened?” 

“I got kicked out because of a boy, I guess,” Tweek said with a shrug, “Not that I mind, I mean, like, I didn’t actually want to be a cheerleader, I got asked to.”

Her parents exchanged a look with each other, “A boy?” Her mom blurted out in shock, exactly like she had done when Tweek had told her she had ‘friends’.

“Yeah, um, well, I think he was the reason,” Tweek was cutting into the nut roast her mom had made her which was another reminder of how much food would go to waste when 1 out of the party of 3 was a vegetarian, “Wen- the head cheerleader likes him too, so, um, I think that’s why.”

She knew she had caught their attention as her mom and dad fell silent, communicating with each other through the sole use of their eyeballs, (like she and Wendy had done in many of their stare-offs), wondering how to broach the subject with her. She didn’t know why they were bothering with the formalities, they were usually about as subtle as a T-Rex at a garden party.

“Lulu, do you have a boyfriend?” Her mom finally said with such interest, it made Tweek a little sentimental.

Ahh. There we go. Tweek had wanted to tell them about Craig, as for one thing, she thought her parents thought she was asexual. They had long since stopped asking her if she was interested in ‘anyone’ at school. They had used the word ‘anyone’ in case she was gay, she presumed. It was never, ‘Are there any hot boys?’ or ‘Do you have a boyfriend’, it was always ‘is there someone you think you could like’, like she was a robot, or like, Edward Scissorhands or something. Wait…he was a robot.

Another reason she thought she should tell them about Craig was that she and Craig had agreed to hang out the day after Christmas, and she kind of wanted her parents to get the fuck out and leave them in peace, so that there would be minimal risk of someone walking in on her first blowjob attempt, which, let’s face it, would happen to her if it was going to happen to anyone. She could just see it now, her on her knees, going hell for leather on Craig’s eggplant and her mom busting in to remind her not to forget to put the bins out.

“Well, he’s not my boyfriend but, um, we are like, I guess dating?” Her voice went up at the end, like she was a valley girl, like you know?

Her parents nearly dropped their cutlery in shock.

“That’s great, honey!” Her dad beamed at her, and Tweek could tell he was over the moon that she wasn’t asexual after all.

“So what’s his name?!” Her mom said excitedly. She kept picking up her wine glass and putting it down again, like she had forgotten how hands worked.

“Craig,” Tweek said with the slightest hint of a smirk. She knew her mom was already planning for the grandchildren she was hoping Tweek would have one day.

“What’s he like? What does he look like? Is he handsome? Do you have a picture?”

 _Jesus Christ, mom_. Tweek thought.  _Calm the fuck down_ _._

“Um, he’s very tall, like really tall. Um, he has long black hair but he wears it up a lot and he’s um,”  _Really fucking beautiful. He’s so beautiful, I’d let him smash my front door in,_ “Yeah, he’s um, nice looking, I guess? He’s on the football team too, and, he’s like, really good – actually, he’s probably the best player.” Tweek shrugged at the end, like it was no big deal.

Her mom clapped her hands together proudly and beamed at her daughter whilst her dad nodded, clearly impressed, “A football player, ey? Haven’t they got to the state playoffs?”

Tweek nodded, surprised that her dad knew about her high school’s football team’s success, and took a sip of her sparkling elderflower drink, which had been poured into a champagne flute. Even though she couldn’t drink alcohol, her parents liked to make her feel grown up and included.

“So, do we get to meet him?” Her mom cooed. Tweek could hear the eagerness dripping in her voice.

Tweek flushed, “Um, not yet no, we aren’t like… um…not yet…ok?” She heard herself plead at the end. She knew what her parents like; there would be a stack of condoms and several bottles of lube left on her bed by tomorrow, and she was certain she would be seeing a lot more of her mom who would decide to just ‘pop’ by on the off chance she might bump into him.

They finished their meal with more chit chat about Tweek’s school, the business and where they were going to go on their next vacation. Tweek’s dad had his heart set on Hawaii but Tweek was hoping they’d go back to Walt Disney World.

“Honey, it’s not a vacation! I come back more tired than before I went!” Richard Tweek protested.

“But I love it!” Tweek whined. 

“We all love it! But honestly, Lulu, I just want to lie on a beach and forget my own name. Plus, we haven’t been to Hawaii before!”

Tweek knew her dad would get his own way. She might be a daddy’s girl but when Richard Tweek got an idea in his head, there was no arguing. Also, how fucking spoilt could she be? Turning down Hawaii, like what? Sometimes she hated how she saw money, like it was endless. She guessed that’s why she wasn’t motivated about college – she knew her parents would support her no matter what.

“So, honey, are you seeing Craig over the holidays?” Tweek’s mom had taken herself off to the kitchen to clear the plates whilst Tweek and her dad argued about vacations. She returned with their dessert and wasted no time in diverting the conversation back onto the hot topic. 

“Um, well…actually, he’s…um, yeah…I’m seeing him tomorrow,” Tweek said sheepishly.

“Is he coming here?!” Her mum said, unable to mask her excitement, which was bordering on manic.

“Um, yeah…” Tweek looked down at her dessert - her mom’s homemade red velvet cake. She always gave Tweek too large of a slice but Tweek didn’t mind, it was fucking yummy.

“Is he staying over?” Her mom asked - she was trying to sound cool, like it would be totally fine if Tallulah wanted him to stay the night. Like, she wouldn’t have a problem with it at all. She reminded Tweek of the mom in Mean Girls, ‘I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom!’

“I don’t think so,” Tweek said, taking a bite out of the cake.

She had told Craig they could hang out the day after Christmas, as that’s when her parents would be going back to work and they’d have the house to themselves. She hadn’t considered that he would stay the night but what if he thought that was on the cards? Oh shit. Sleeping in the same bed as him?! Even if nothing sexual happened, like what if she snored? Or drooled? Or like, what if her mouth hung open really unattractively? OH, MY GOD! What if she farted by accident!?

No, he couldn’t possibly stay over. She’d have to think of an excuse, like she was an insomniac or something. Or like it was her religion, like she didn’t believe in beds. Or maybe she could tell him that she didn’t have a bed at all…oh wait, he had already seen the bed…he had sat on her bed…he had found a homemade dildo on her bed. Fuck! He had already slept in her bed! She prayed to Jesus that she hadn’t farted on the night he carried her home from the party. 

“He is allowed, honey,” her mom smiled at her, “As long as you’re careful.”

Tweek cringed hard, “MOM!”

“Darling, we just want to make sure you are being safe,” her mom said in a sickly sweet voice,  “But you know that I wouldn’t be mad if you got pregnant, far from it!”  She cackled hysterically. She may as well have said, ‘prick some holes in the condoms, Lulu – better yet, who needs condoms? Lie and tell him you’re on the pill!’

“Oh Jesus Christ,” Tweek groaned, placing her head in her hands.

“Honey, your mother is just concerned. You remember what we taught you, don’t you? Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, and make sure you have a safe word-“

“OKAY, DAD!” Tweek flung her hands from her face. She needed this conversation to stop right now. She didn’t need to be reminded that her parents liked a bit of bondage.

She knew her parents were cool when it came to sex. But there was cool and there was ‘make sure you have a safe word when you’re hogtied and being spanked by a gimp’.

 

* * *

 

 **Craig 5.32pm:** You still wanna hang tonight? x

 **Tweek 5.32pm** : Yeah x

 **Craig 5.33pm:** Cool, what time? x

 **Tweek 5.33pm** : 7 or 8?

 **Craig 5.33pm** : Ok x

 **Tweek 5.34pm:** …? Which one?

 **Craig 5.34pm** : I’ll surprise you x

 **Tweek 5.34pm:** Dick x

Just as predicted, her parents had given her a stash of ‘sexual aids’ before they had departed. Her mom had left them in a fancy bag on her bed, which weirdly, also contained a candle, as if that would be a mood setter or something. Luckily, she hadn’t discovered the bag until after her parents had left, so had avoided more awkward conversation about her sex life… or lack of one. She had put the condoms and lube in the drawer of her nightstand and placed the candle on top of it, with no intention of lighting it... she wasn’t that desperate.

Tweek was nervous as shit at the fast approaching hang out session, but at the same time, she was confident that she was going to try to do something with Craig tonight…something more than just making out and grinding on his eggplant. They had grinded so much that she was surprised it wasn't eggplant puree.

She had tried to compare sex to something achievable and less intimidating, like one of her video games for instance, with different levels to complete…A sexy version of Crash Bandicoot if you will. Level 1 - make out.  Level 2 - make out whilst grinding on his eggplant. Level 3 – give an awkward handjob and receive some candy as a reward. Level 4 - let him feel your fried eggs. Level 5 - give a blowy.  Level 6 - Let him do something to you (cheeky finger or mouth on foof). Boss Level - Get your front doors smashed in. 

She was trying her best to complete the game but was stuck on Level 2 and only had a few lives remaining before Craig would get bored and find another player who could complete the game with ease.

She had decided she was going to skip Level 3, as she had already completed that once upon a dream, and she couldn’t handle it if Craig handed her a Mars Bar or something afterward. Plus, where were you supposed to look when you were giving a handjob? At least with a blowy, your face was like, occupied. You didn’t have that fear of awkward eye contact, or like blurting something inappropriate out like, “Did you watch last season’s Game of Thrones?” Which is what she would do, because she would be nervous and when she got nervous, her brain and mouth did things on their own accord. But she wouldn't be able to do that with a blowy, as her mouth would be full. Full of eggplant.

She was hoping to complete Levels 4 and 5 tonight before saving the game for another day. She hadn't really planned how she would get to Level 4... All she knew was that Craig’s hands often found themselves wandering up her torso, so it was only right that she let them finally make contact with her tiny tits. Well, they weren’t tiny…but they were definitely small in comparison to Wendy’s. But even Pamela Anderson’s would be small compared to Wendy’s. Tweek didn’t understand how the girl stood upright, let alone whip out a backflip.

She had already showered and had practically shaved her entire body in preparation for Craig’s arrival, just in case things took a sexy turn. No one needs a rogue pube ruining the good times. Her outfit choice was inoffensive - skinny black jeans, a tight black tank top, and an off the shoulder burgundy sweater thrown over the top.  _No shit slogans today, Satan. You won't fuck me over with N*Sync this time. Level 4, YOU WILL be completed,_ she thought.

As time went by, Tweek was getting more and more nervous. She had tried to occupy herself but nothing was working. All she could think about was the impending super sexy Christmas blowy that she may or may not follow through with...  She decided to text Marj for some moral support.

 **Tweek 6.42pm:** Craig’s coming over tonight xxx

 **Marj 6.43pm:** For his super sexy Christmas present? Xxx

 **Tweek 6.44pm:** I can’t do it xxx

 **Marj 6.45pm:** Yes you can! Just remember to breathe through your nose! Xxx

 **Tweek 6.45pm:** Oh Jesus…

 **Marj 6.46pm:** You can do it! I believe in you! xxx

 **Tweek 6.46pm:** I’ll let you know how it goes xxx

 **Marj 6.47pm:** Ok…don’t be mad but I told Kenny about the banana xxx

 **Tweek 6.47pm:** WHY!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

 **Marj 6.48pm:** Because it’s really funny. I keep laughing about it xxx

 **Tweek 6.48pm:** OMG he’s going to tell Craig!!!

 **Marj 6.49pm:** He won’t! He promised! Xxx

 **Tweek 6.49pm:** I hate you x

 **Marj 6.50pm:** Love youuuu xxx

Fucking fantastic. If she wasn’t nervous enough, now she had the additional worry of Craig finding out that she had stuck the banana down her throat to practice for him. Kenny would definitely tell Craig, there was no doubt about it. Oh goddammit, Marj...At least it was better than him thinking she had stuck it up for foof.

She wasn’t sure what time Craig would make an appearance. It could be anytime…well anytime between 7 and 8... she had an hour window to panic which may as well have been a year to panic. Did he not know she suffered from severe anxiety? It was her own fault for not specifying a certain time. She should have said like 7.23pm or something, to keep him on his toes. If he arrived at 7.24pm, she could scold him for being late and make him feel bad. She could even say fried eggs were off the menu or something... not that he'd know what that meant or anything, but he’d just have to settle for hash browns.

She started pacing around her house, making sure it was presentable and decided to check on her room for the 50th time to make sure she hadn't left a pair of her knickers lying around...or one of the condoms hadn't magically launched itself from her nightstand onto the bed.

Maybe she should light that candle after all… what if her room smelled bad and she didn’t know because she had gotten used to it or something? Like what if it smelt like a dead rat….or like arse or something? Fuck it. She was going to light it... But what if Craig thought she was desperate or something? Did a lit candle give that impression? Maybe she could just light it for like a little while and blow it out before he came and just pretend that her room always had a fucking tasty stench to it.

Speaking of tasty stenches - was her breath fresh enough? She had brushed her teeth three times already – she was in danger of stripping off the enamel completely if she tried again. She just knew how awful a bad-breath kiss was. She could still remember the smokey taste Pete had left in her mouth and she didn't want to get a reputation for being a shit kisser. Thank fuck for Listerine. She made a mental note to write to them, congratulating them on a sterling product.

What time was it? 7.17pm...shit. She needed the bathroom again. She had already been about 70 times already. God damn her nervous bladder.

Her doorbell rang at 7.20pm, just as she was in the bathroom having another nervous wee. Of course, it did. It would ring just as her cheeks touched the seat. Why did she think it wouldn’t? For fuck's sake. She nearly face planted the floor as she jumped up mid-piss, in alarm at the sudden sound. When she had calmed down and was positive that her pants were up, her zipper wasn’t down and that she didn’t have any toilet roll stuck to her sneaker, she made her way to the front door, taking a big breath before opening it.

“Hey,” Craig greeted her in the cool way he always greeted her. Effortlessly cool. Like he didn’t need to try. Like those annoying people who were just born with the cool gene.

She didn’t know if it was because she hadn’t seen him in three days but he looked extra beautiful. His hair was pulled back into a ponytail and a few strands of his bangs had fallen out to frame his face. Fuck.

Her brain short-circuited at the sight.

“Sorry I took so long, I was in the bathroom-“, she said without thinking because his fucking hair had sent her brain Kanye West.

He quirked his eyebrow at her, “Right.”

She cringed. 

Oh fuck. He definitely thought she was having a shit. Should she clarify that it was just a piss? No. Don't make the situation worse. No holes needed to be dug this time.

He stepped inside and his eyes immediately fell on the Christmas Tree, “What the fuck!?”

Tweek grinned, “What’s the matter, you never seen a Christmas Tree before?”

“Not one that big.”

“That’s what she said.”

Craig smirked at her, “You didn’t…”

“Oh but I did,” she smirked back at him.

It made Tweek feel all kinds of funny when they flirted. Craig was the only person who made her smile in a way that she couldn’t describe. Like even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from smiling. Like, it was just something about him that she couldn’t put down in words.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Craig said casually, the smirk still evident on his face.

“Netflix and chill?” She replied…she hoped confidently. It was her very best effort at being seductive.

Craig raised his eyebrows at her, “You do know what that means, right?”

“Mm-hmm,” she chirped, like it was no big deal, like she knew sexy times was on the cards. In reality, she was shaking like a shitting dog.

She watched him breathe in sharply, like he hadn’t expected her to answer like that. It was nice to be the one to throw him off his game for once. It was usually the other way around.

“Right, um, yeah, that…yeah,” Craig managed to say. Tweek noticed he was blushing…. Craig Tucker was actually blushing. She liked that she had made Craig flustered, he was usually so calm and put together.

She bit back a smirk and took his hand, leading him upstairs. It wasn’t like it mattered if they got freaky downstairs, the house was theirs to go wherever and do whatever they wanted to. But her room was a safe place to her, she was comfortable in her room, and there was something sexy about doing things in her own room, like it was taboo or something.

They entered her room which, although tidy, was slightly cluttered with her Christmas presents that she hadn’t got round to putting away. 

Shit.

She had forgotten to blow the candle out. That, paired with the clean bedsheets was a dead giveaway to her blowy intentions. She wondered if he was onto her.

“What do you want to watch?” She said, ignoring the candle that definitely said, ‘can I sit on your face.’ She had already searched through Netflix and hadn't fancied any of its offerings, so she thought they could watch something from her DVD collection.

“What have you got?” Craig said, taking his jacket off and sitting on her bed. 

“It would be easier if you told me what kind of genres you like. I have quite the collection.” Tweek’s film collection was impressive. Most of her DVDs were in another room, she only kept her absolute favourites in her room.

Craig smirked, “Genres? I didn’t realise you were such a film buff.”

“You like science, I like films,” Tweek smirked back at him, “What’s your favourite movie?”

“I dunno, I don’t think I have a favourite…do you?”

She nodded, “I have a few, yeah.”

“Well if I had to choose, I guess I’d say ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ or…like, ‘Goodfellas’,” Craig shrugged.

“Both excellent choices,” she nodded in approval, “hmmm,” she scanned her collection, looking for similar movies,  “Have you seen ‘Collateral’?”

“Um, no?”

“It’s fantastic. Tom Cruise is a hit man and he gets in Jamie Foxx’s cab one night and like, makes him drive all over town whilst he kills people,” Tweek said excitedly.

Craig grinned at her passion, “You had me at Jamie Foxx.”

Tweek smiled and took out the DVD, placing it into her PS4.

“So, you’re not into chick flicks then?” Craig asked her.

“Eurgh. No. I can tolerate some but the majority of them make me want to kill myself.”

Craig raised his eyebrows, clearly impressed with her which made her stomach flip.

Once the movie started she turned the light off, so that there was only the faint glow of the candle. It really did set the mood.

She shook her shoes off and shimmied up the bed, propping her pillows behind her and leaning against the headboard. Craig mimicked her action and sat beside her. Their shoulders were touching and Tweek’s heart started hammering in her chest.

“Are you hungry or anything? My mom’s made enough food to last until next Christmas,” Tweek babbled. 

“No, I’m good,” Craig said. 

 Tweek got the impression that he was nervous too, as he wasn’t being his usual self. It was kind of awkward between them. Like they both knew where the night was going to go but neither of them could address it. She was used to him taking the lead but maybe she’d have to take the reigns tonight.

They were about 30 minutes into the movie when she plucked up the courage to reach out and take his hand in hers. She had never made the first move before and she felt Craig jump slightly at her touch - he clearly hadn’t been expecting it. It was weird, he was acting how she usually acted and she was acting how he usually acted. It was like they had switched bodies or something. 

She really wanted to lean in and kiss him but like, what if he was actually watching the movie? Would he be annoyed at her interrupting one of Tom Cruise’s finest performances? She could always lend him the DVD so he could watch it another time…

Oh, fuck it.

She lent in and kissed him softly on the neck, in the spot that she knew drove him insane. Craig exhaled deeply, his eyes fixed firmly on the TV screen. Tweek pulled away slowly and Craig turned to look at her, his eyes filled with lust. Her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest but she willed herself to lean into him again and captured his lips with her own. 

He responded immediately, unlinking their hands so that he could place both of his hands on her waist and pull her into him. Tweek twisted her body and threw her leg over him so that she was straddling him.

The kiss was intense. Despite the noise emitting from the TV, Tweek’s ears were flooded with the sounds of heavy breathing and wet kisses. It was like they hadn’t seen each other for a year, despite it only being three days. 

Her body surged with pleasure every time Craig’s tongue stroked against hers and she let out a small moan, as Craig’s hands found their way to her ass.

She stopped and pulled away from the kiss abruptly, yanking her sweater over her head and tossing it onto her bedroom floor. She had begun to feel very hot which only intensified when she saw Craig’s reaction to her shedding an item of clothing. His eyes were wide and he seemed to be drinking in her body, just like he had done in the dream. She blushed hard and quickly leaned back into him, resuming their kiss.

He rested his hands on her waist and Tweek knew they would start making their way up north before long. But this time she wasn’t going to freeze up. This time she was going to let him know it was okay to touch her…there.

Craig’s fingers nervously felt upwards onto her ribs but he seemed to be holding back, like he didn’t know if she wanted it or not. But she did want it. She really fucking wanted it.

The only problem was her tank top was in the way. She had two choices: She could either keep it on and see what happened or she could whip it off and make the decision for him.

Fuck it. Go big or go home.

She decided to make the decision for him and pulled away from the kiss again. Craig was breathing heavily, watching her with curiosity, like he didn’t know what she was going to do next. She had to admit that it felt good being in control. Without breaking eye contact, she crossed her arms and grabbed the bottom of her tank top hoisting it over her head and tossing it onto the floor where it joined her sweater. She was left in just a black lacy push-up bra. It was her favourite – it made her tits look incredible.  _Thank you Victoria and your sexy secrets,_ she thought. She was wearing a matching thong just in case she ended up pantless too, which, by the way things were going, was probably on the cards. It was like she was doing a shit striptease for him.

Craig bit his bottom lip.

The sight of her exposed skin had ignited something animalistic in him and he surged forward, kissing her hard on the lips, his hands roaming over her bare skin desperately.

It made her feel sexy.

He broke away from her lips and dipped down to kiss her cleavage, sending the familiar surge of pleasure straight to her groin. Before she could stop herself and really think about the situation, she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra. He stopped kissing her chest to look up at her in awe. Their eyes locked and Tweek blushed hard, embarrassed by her own boldness. He held her gaze as his fingers found the straps of her bra, delicately peeling them off her shoulders and down her arms, releasing her from the only thing separating her naked breasts and him.

She was exposed in a way she had never been before. Her heart was hammering furiously against her chest, as she didn’t really know where to go from here. They were far past any level she had ever completed and she suddenly didn’t feel as confident anymore.  She had an urge to cross her arms over her chest protectively but she didn’t. Craig maintained the eye contact and she was grateful for his discretion. He was a teenage boy after all and here she was – topless and straddling him on a king-sized bed.

He leaned into her and placed a soft kiss on her lips. It was like the way he had done when he told her he had wanted her before he gave her his jacket. She melted into him and hummed softly, as he began planting kisses down her neck, making his way to her naked chest.

She had only planned for Craig to touch her boobs, like with his hands. She wasn’t prepared for his mouth to go anywhere near them... That wasn’t part of the plan. When he took one of her nipples into his mouth, she almost passed out with shock, excitement, humiliation, desire and everything else in between. Fuck it felt good -  _should it feel this good?_

He gently sucked on it and she let out an embarrassingly loud moan, due to the feeling that shot through her body and specifically to her groin.

He pulled away and sat back up, looking down at her with a sultry smirk on his face. She felt herself flush with embarrassment.

“Do you know what you do to me?” He said.

What she did to him?! Did he have any idea of what he did to her?

He took her hand and guided it to his crotch. Her eyes widened when she felt it. She had almost forgotten about his eggplant. She had been too caught up in having her tits out. It was hard, really hard and…huge. Well, it felt huge.

She inhaled sharply.

She had run the scenario in her head hundreds of times, planning on what she would say in this situation. She thought she could say something sexy, like, ‘Can I suck your dick?’ as she had read in Cosmo that boys loved it when girls were confident in the bedroom. However, now that the situation had arrived, she found that she didn’t have a voice at all, except one that could make embarrassing moaning sounds. Even if she wanted to say something she couldn’t…she was like Ariel, exchanging her voice for legs, except Tweek had exchanged her voice for a dick in her mouth.

She gently squeezed his length through his jeans and Craig let out a soft gasp. 

She could do this.

Her hands had begun to shake but she wasn’t going to let her nerves get the better of her this time. She fumbled with the buttons on his jeans, managing to unbutton them after a short amount of time, before it got embarrassing.

“Tallulah, are you sure… we don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready,” Craig said sweetly.

She looked up at him and managed to force a small smile on her face.

“I want to,” She said in a small voice to match her small smile. Oh fuck. What if he thought she meant like, go all the way? She needed to be clear what her intentions were. She was in no way prepared for him to smash her front door in just yet. “Um…like…I want to…”  _Suck your dick, just say suck your dick!_ “Like…um…suck you off…” Fuck. Close enough. 

She felt instantly hot, as all the blood in her body migrated to her face. She probably resembled a beetroot. Craig’s eyes widened and he inhaled sharply at her request.

“Ok,” he finally choked out. She had well and truly thrown him off his game.

She debated whether or not to tell him this was her first attempt at a blow job, if you didn’t count the practice bananas. But she didn’t want to scare him or anything, in case he thought that she would bite his dick off or something.

They both shimmied down the bed so that Craig could lay down and she could position herself correctly. Like what even was the correct position for this? She had watched a lot of porn lately in preparation for this moment and decided that she was going to go in between his legs, so that when he looked down, he would have, like a good view. She was thoughtful like that.

Craig helped her with his jeans, as they were fucking skinny jeans, which looked incredible but were shit when it came to getting frisky.

They finally managed to get them off (along with Craig’s socks) and had both giggled at how fucking long it took. She had almost forgotten that she was about to suck her first dick. But then she saw the outline of said dick through Craig’s boxers and she stopped laughing immediately.

Fuck. It was huge.

She had remembered Marj telling her that Craig was ‘packing’ - the bitch wasn’t fucking lying. She bit her lip nervously, but it probably looked like she was hungry for his cock.

He was wearing black Georgio Armani boxers and he could have fucking modeled for them. He looked amazing. He was exactly like the dream version she had concocted in her head, except he was real. 

His dick was still painfully erect and she was glad that the only light in the room was coming from the candle, for the big reveal. She wouldn’t have been able to handle it if the big light had been on. She was pretty sure the image was going to be burnt onto her eyeballs forever anyway, regardless of which light served as a backdrop for his cock and balls.

As gently as she could, she peeled his boxers down, finally releasing the thing she had both fantasised and agonized over for weeks.

Jesus Christ, it was huge. It was bigger than it had looked in his boxers if that was possible. She couldn’t help her reaction to it; her mouth comically fell open and her eyeballs almost popped out of her skull.

Fuck.

The only redeeming factor of the monster dick was that it was quite pretty for a dick…if dicks could be pretty. Craig was well groomed and she was grateful that he wasn’t rocking a 70s porn bush. If she had to rate his dick out of ten, she would have given it an eleven. It would have definitely won the dick pageant.

Tweek realized she had been staring at his dick for a prolonged period and better get to sucking before Craig asked her what she was doing. ‘I’m looking at your monster dick, babe’, she’d say. Except she wouldn’t say ‘babe’ as they weren’t there yet. And she probably wouldn’t refer to it as a ‘monster dick’ – Craig already had too big of an ego, she didn’t want to add to it.

His dick was glistening at the tip and she recognized it as pre-cum – Marj had said that could happen when they got really excited. This was a good sign.

Tweek lowered herself down and placed one hand on his shaft to keep it steady as she delicately licked the head, lapping up the pre-cum oozing out of the slit like a pro. It tasted slightly salty but not bad at all, and any worries of her not being able to swallow his load quickly flew out the window. 

She continued to let her tongue circle around the head just like she had practiced. Craig’s breathing had become heavy and she allowed herself to look up at him seductively. He was biting his lip, watching her intently through half-lidded eyes.

Tweek tore her eyes back to his dick and began licking the underside of his shaft, dragging her tongue from the base to the tip. She repeated the motion several times gaining a small moan from Craig.

After placing several small kisses on the tip, Tweek finally decided to take the head into her mouth, sealing her wet lips around it. Her tongue continued to swirl around as she lowered her head, taking as much of his dick as she could manage without gagging.

Tweek hollowed her cheeks and began to suck, moving her head up and down, sucking and flicking her tongue against Craig’s erection over and over again. She attempted to jerk off the part of his shaft that she couldn’t fit in her mouth and soon found her rhythm. She was bobbing up and down like it was second nature to her, like she sucked dick on the daily. 

After a while, she pulled her mouth away with a pop but kept her hand firmly around Craig’s shaft. She wanted to try something she had seen in porn, that seemed to always get a good reaction from the guy. So without a second thought, she slowly spat on the head, letting saliva dribble down her chin erotically. She licked the tip and pulled away to look up at him, leaving a bead of saliva behind her, connecting her to the head. She sat up and, using her free hand, slowly wiped her chin on the back of her hand, all the while maintaining eye contact with him.

Craig inhaled deeply again at the sight.

She didn’t care that she was topless, or that Craig’s eyes kept flitting to her erect nipples or to his dick, which was still being held by her small hand. She was in control and she was going to make him lose his shit. Craig inhaled sharply again as she started jerking him off, using her own saliva to create a wet friction that she knew was edging him closer and closer…

She lowered her head back down and took Craig’s dick into her mouth once more, hollowing her cheeks and sucking again.  She did so this time with a sense of urgency, like she couldn’t get enough of his throbbing dick, like it was the best thing she had ever tasted. She felt Craig stiffen and knew his orgasm was fast approaching.

“Tallulah, fuck…I’m gonna…” Craig breathed out.

She removed her hand from his shaft and moved her head further down his length, deep throating his cock until she was practically choking on it.

“Oh fuck,” Craig cried out, bucking his hips and cumming hard into her mouth. She felt the warm liquid shoot down the back of her throat and almost coughed at the sudden feeling. Her eyes had begun to water but she willed herself to keep her mouth firmly fixed around the base of his dick until he had completely spilled out into her. When she was confident that he had finished, she gently pulled off him and swallowed his load. It was gross but not that gross. Like it was a level of grossness she could handle. Plus she had read that it was supposed to be good for you or something.

Tweek slowly wiped her mouth again with her hand and didn’t realize that it looked rather arousing.

“Fuck, Tallulah – are you always this sexy?” Craig was watching her intently, his chest heaving with heavy breaths, as he came down from his orgasm.

She blushed hard, “I’m not sexy,” she said sheepishly. The confidence that she had whilst performing the act had disappeared and she was back to her awkward self. Her awkward, still topless self. This time she did cross her arms over her chest.

“I beg to differ.”  Craig pulled up his boxers and led back down on her bed, “Come here.”

She tried to wiggle over to him without taking her arms away from her boobs but it didn’t work, so she quickly crawled over to him and led down next to him, burying her face into his chest to conceal her embarrassment. 

Craig kissed the top of her head, “That was amazing.”

Tweek pressed her lips together in secret elation, “Could you pass me my top?”

“I prefer you without one on,” Craig replied casually, stroking circles into her naked back.

“That’s not fair, you still have yours on!” 

“Hmm, you’re right.” Craig gently rolled Tallulah off him and hoisted his t-shirt up and over his head in one swift motion, “There.”

Tweek tried not to gawk at him but it was hard not to. He had a really good body. 

Craig led back down and pulled Tallulah back onto him, their naked chests pressing together.

“Good, now we’re even,” Tweek said nervously.

“Well… no. You still have your pants on.”

Tweek blushed again. Oh god.

“I’m not taking them off,” she said sharply.

“That’s not fair,” Craig whined.

Tweek looked up at him, “Oh my god, are you actually pouting?”

Craig nodded and she smirked at him.

“I’m still not taking them off.”

“Please?” He whined.

“No.”

“Pleeeeeeeeease!”

“No!”

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!”

She huffed dramatically, “Fine!” She rolled off him and unbuttoned her pants, dragging them down her legs and pulling them off unattractively, along with her socks. God damn skinny jeans. Next time she was definitely wearing sweatpants or something.

When she had finally managed to get them off, she was left in just the black thong.

“Happy?” She huffed at him.

Craig's eyes wandered over her body, “Very.”

Tweek took her PS4 controller off the nightstand and rewound the film back to the place just before she had started seducing Craig. They got under the covers and Craig pulled her into him again, so she was lying on him. It was actually really nice, he was stroking her shoulder and she felt really safe and just content with the world. Tweek could definitely get used to this. She couldn't help but feel proud of herself. She had completed Level 4 and Level 5 in one go and without anything embarrassing happening.  
  


"So," Craig said after a while of watching the movie, "The banana huh?"

Tweek scrunched her eyes together and cringed hard.

She thought she had gotten away with it. 

Fuck.

 

* * *

 

Millie decided to read the letter on Christmas Day. It was late at night and her parents had gone to bed, leaving her alone to watch the back-to-back Christmas movies that were streaming on almost every channel.  
  


Red had text her in the morning wishing her a 'Merry Christmas' but Millie hadn't responded. It's not that she was heartless, she just didn't want to give the girl false hope by wishing her well. Plus, she felt bad on Jessie. They had only been dating a few weeks but she still felt like she owed her some loyalty or something...which was ironic when she was sat on her sofa with a letter from her ex-girlfriend in her hands... was she an ex-girlfriend? They hadn't ever put a label on it. It was the longest relationship Millie had ever had, so that had to count for something.

The envelope was haggard, with dirt from Millie's fingerprints and creases from her pockets and bag. Millie had taken it out and put it away a fair few times, always changing her mind on whether she was going to read it or not. This time, she had decided she would definitely read it.

She put her finger under the hole she had made and ripped the envelope roughly.  Inside was a Christmas card with a cartoon drawing of a really fat penguin wearing a bottle hat and scarf. Just as predicted a folded letter fell out as she yanked the card open. Millie discarded the card without reading the generic Christmas greeting and grabbed the letter, unfolding it impatiently.

**_Dear Millie,_ **

**_I'm sorry._ **

**_I'm sorry for all the times I let go of your hand or pushed you away._ **

**_I'm sorry for making you hide or wait until I was sure no one would see you._ **

**_I'm sorry that I never told you how happy you made me._ **

**_I'm sorry for never calling you my girlfriend._ **

**_I'm sorry for acting like you were the only person who mattered in the entire universe when we were alone together, only to ignore you whenever there was the smallest audience.  
_ **

**_I'm sorry for treating you the way I did.  
_ **

**_I'm sorry that I ruined us._ **

**_But most of all, I'm sorry I never told you that I loved you._ **

**_Red x_ **

 

Millie read the letter several times, her eyes lingering on the last line.   
  


She picked up her phone and opened Red's last text message, her fingers hovered over the keys for a while, as she thought about what she wanted to say, if she wanted to say anything at all.  
  


She was confused. Really confused. She had tried to distance herself from Red, protecting herself from the hurt that she had felt every time the redhead had ignored her in the hallway or told her to leave straight after sex, like she was a piece of meat or something.  
  


But the truth was no matter how hard she tried to protect herself, no matter how many times she told herself she wasn't bothered, deep down, she cared. She cared a lot. She cared so much that it hurt her heart and she would be lying to herself if she said it didn't.

She sighed, looking down at the screen at the blank text box. Before she could stop herself or think about Jessie or think about all the times Red had made her feel like shit, she typed out four single words and pressed send. 

 ** _Millie 11.58pm:_**  I loved you too

 

* * *

 

 **Marj 11.03am:** Well...?!?!?!

 _Tweek sent back three eggplant emojis and the winky face_.

 **Marj 11.04am** : AGHHH!!!!!! OMG I want every sexy super blowy detail xxx

 **Tweek 11.05am** : Teehee xxx

 **Marj 11.06am** : Fuck off and tell me the juicy juicy deets xxx

 **Tweek 11.06am** : He's just left xxx

 **Marj 11.07am** : HE STAYED OVER!? XXX

 **Tweek 11.07am** : Yep xxx

 **Marj 11.07am** : You fucking whore xxx 

 **Tweek 11.08am** : :P xxx

 **Marj 11.08am** : Wanna hang out? Xxx

 **Tweek 11.09am** : Yes! Wanna go to the mall and grab lunch – my treat? Xxx 

 **Marj 11.09am:** Yes! Xxx 

 **Tweek 11.10am:** Yay! I’ll pick you up in 20 mins xxx

 **Marj 11.10am:** K xxx

 

* * *

 

Marj practically sprinted to Tweek’s car, yanking the door open and throwing herself down in the seat.

“I want to know everything, you cocksucking whore,” Marj grinned, buckling her seatbelt into the holder. 

Tweek giggled, “You weren’t lying when you said he was packing.” 

“So the rumours are true?!”

Tweek nodded. 

“So how did it go?” Marj asked eagerly.

Tweek indicated and pulled out onto the street driving them towards the mall.

“It went well…I think. I um, well I made him…cum,” Tweek blushed ever so slightly.

“Did you swallow?”

Tweek nodded again.

“How do you feel then? Do you feel like a sexy adult?”

“It’s weird, I do feel like, different… you know? Like… I dunno,” Tweek shrugged, “I don’t know why I was so scared.”

Marj grinned, “You should write a book, ‘The blowjob that changed my life’, like a self-help book for awkward people.”

Tweek grinned, “Fuck off! I’m still awkward. Just because I’ve sucked a dick doesn’t mean I’m less awkward…it just means that I can add super sexy blowys to my skill set.”

“Did he do anything to you?”

“No, I mean we were naked and everything but no, we just cuddled.”

“Wait! Why were you naked? You don’t need to be naked to give a blowjob Tweek,” Marj said sympathetically, like Tweek had misunderstood the assignment.

“I know that you fucking simpleton! I just, um, tried to get him in the mood and sort of whipped my tits out to get the party started.”

Marj giggled, “Can’t argue with that! Tits always get them going. So, he didn’t try anything? Like not even a cheeky finger?”

Tweek looked at Marj with a horrified expression on her face. It reminded her of the scene in Game of Thrones when Euron Greyjoy asks if Cersei enjoys a FINGER UP THE BUM.

“No. He did not try a ‘cheeky finger’. We just cuddled and fell asleep in each other’s arms…like really romantically…it was, quite frankly, sickening.”

Tweek thought she would hate the romantic shit but she had actually really enjoyed being nuzzled into him and had had a great night’s sleep. It wasn’t even that awkward in the morning, despite the fact that they were all but naked. She had made him breakfast and he had left, planting a kiss on her lips and asking her if she wanted to go to Token’s New Year’s Eve party with him.

“Hey, has Kenny asked you to go to Token’s party?” Tweek asked. Craig had told her that Kenny would be bringing Marj along and Tweek was excited for them all to hang out, it would be like, their first double date!

“He has but my parents will never let me go,” Marj said solemnly.

“What if you told them you were coming to mine for another ‘sleepover’?”

Marj had never told her parents about Tweek’s parties. They had always gone with the lie that they were having a sleepover and that Tweek’s parents would be there to supervise. Tweek’s mom had even called Steven Stotch to confirm the girls’ version of events. Remember: she wasn’t like a ‘regular mom’, she was a ‘cool mom’.

“That would work actually!”

“Awesome! So we can go together?”

“Oh my god, it will be our first double date!” Marj said excitedly, clapping her hands together with delight.

“Don’t be gay, Marj,” Tweek said harshly, pretending that she hadn’t been thinking the same thing.

“Shit! What are you going to wear? It’s Mafia-themed…I don’t think I own anything that screams wise guy.”

“Well, I do have a horses mask I can crack out,” Tweek grinned.

Marj looked at her in bewilderment, “Why would you wear a horse mask to a mafia themed party?”

“Um…Hello? The Godfather? The horse’s head in the bed? One of the most iconic scenes in the history of the cinema!?” Tweek protested.

“Tweek, only you will get that because you’re weird as fuck. Even Jason would probably struggle to make that link.”

“Jason would definitely make that link.” Jason was just as big as a film fan as she was and always got her references, no matter how outlandish they were, “But fine. I’ll buy us two generic sexy gangster costumes – there’s gotta be a costume store at the mall.”

“There is. It’s called Crazy Fred’s.”

“Let me guess, because the owner is called Fred and he likes to think he is kooky enough to be considered crazy?”

“No. It’s actually run by a guy named Tony who is really rather boring. I once asked him if he had a Scooby Do costume and when he said he didn’t I said, ‘So you Scooby don’t then?’ and he didn’t even crack a smile.”

They pulled into a parking spot at the mall and Tweek turned to look at Marj with a blank expression.

“What? That’s fucking funny!” Marj protested.

“I think you don’t have a Scooby Do what’s funny and what isn’t,” Tweek said, snorting at her own joke.

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Yes, it does! In cockney rhyming slang, Scooby Do means clue.”

“Who the fuck knows that?”

“Um…cockneys?”

Marj looked at her with a puzzled expression on her face.

“Wait, why the fuck did you want a Scooby Do costume in the first place?” Tweek asked her best friend.

“Oh! It was for a Murder Mystery evening.”

“Oh, so the theme was Scooby Do?” Tweek nodded in understanding.

“No, it was Jack the Ripper themed actually,” Marj said innocently. Like she didn’t know what was wrong with what she had just said.

“Then why the fuck did you want to go as Scooby Do!?”

“Um - Because he’s good at solving mysteries?” Marj said, as though Tweek was the idiot for not getting that.

Tweek burst out laughing, “For fuck's sake, Marj.”

“Oooo - Did you know that Scooby Do’s real name is Scoobert Doobert?”

Tweek started laughing again, “No, it fucking isn’t.”

“It is!”

“I need to see receipts,” Tweek giggled.

“Why? We haven’t bought anything yet?”

Tweek put her face in her hands, “Oh, Jesus Christ, Marj.”

 

* * *

 

They were getting ready at Tweek’s for the party. True to her word, Tweek had purchased two generic sexy mafia costumes for them to wear. Tweek had opted for a black pencil skirt with white blouse and braces, with a pair of fishnet stockings and a Trilby. She had, of course, donned a pair of super high Louboutin stilettos which she thought had finished the outfit off nicely.

Marj was wearing an almost identical outfit to Tweek, except she had a pair of high waisted white trousers on and a black blouse with white suspenders and tie. They looked really good together.

“What time’s Craig picking us up?” Marj said, applying lip liner in Tweek’s dressing table mirror.

“He said 7.30. What time is it?”

“7.15.”

“Oh good, we have time for some selfies,” Tweek said excitedly.

They spent the last fifteen minutes posing together with the fake guns they had bought as props for their outfits. When they were satisfied, Tweek uploaded one of the photos to her Instagram with the caption, ‘Don’t ask me about my business’. In hindsight, she kind of wished she had gone as Tony Montana but she didn’t want to freak Craig out with her Cosplay habits. Generic sexy mafia bitches was a good start to ease him into the world of fantasy.

“We could have just walked, you know. Token lives like 4 doors down,” Marj said. They had made their way downstairs and were sat in her living room on the huge corner sofa.

“I know but Craig offered and also, I don’t want to ruin my shoes,” Tweek said, grinning at Marj’s reaction, “Yes I am THAT girl.”

Normally she wouldn’t mind the walk but she was wearing a pair of $600 red bottoms and the snow and sludge would fucking murder them. Plus, she wanted to walk in with Craig – Wendy had to be there and she wanted to rub it in her stupid fucking face.

“Are you sure you don’t mind if Kenny stays again?”

“Of course not, that room may as well be yours,” Tweek smiled kindly.

“Do you think Craig will stay over?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” Tweek shrugged, like she hadn’t been agonising over the thought all day.

“Maybe tonight’s the night he smashes your front door in. New Year, new you,” Marj grinned.

Tweek looked at Marj with a horrified expression on her face.

“Calm down, I’m joking! But you know, now that you’ve given him a blowy it’s a slippery slope to sex,” Marj teased.

Tweek knew that. She wasn’t an idiot. But she was definitely not ready for sex. She hoped Craig knew that and that he wasn’t expected her to like put out or whatever.

The doorbell rang signaling the boys’ arrival. Tweek was nervous but excited. She had never been in Craig’s car before but she had seen the black Mustang plenty of times in the parking lot.

“Hey,” Kenny smiled at Tweek, as she opened the door. Craig had stayed in the car, leaving the blonde to fetch them, “You’re in the front, me and Marj are in the back. I hope you’re not travel sick, it’s a long journey,” he said gravely.

“How do you always make shit dad jokes when you’re not even a dad yet?” Marj said fondly, planting a kiss on his lips.

Kenny grinned, “Because someone has to.”

He was dressed in a black suit with a matching trilby. Tweek thought he looked like one of the extras from Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal video. He rushed on ahead of them to open the car doors like a proper gentleman would.

“And who says chivalry is dead?” Tweek said to Marj.

They walked over to the car and Tweek shimmied into the front seat. Craig’s car was really nice, you could tell that he looked after it. It was immaculate on the inside, unlike her car which was littered with 10,000 receipts and empty coffee cups.

“Hey,” Tweek said shyly. They hadn’t seen each other since the night of the blowy, as she had gone to Denver for a couple of days to see her grandparents. She was really nervous. Like, even though she had had his dick in her mouth, she couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye.

He was wearing black suit pants, a tight fitted white shirt and braces. Unlike Kenny, he didn’t have a Trilby or jacket on, and he had his hair pulled back into a ponytail. He looked quite intimidating like he could have actually been in the mafia.

“Hey,” he said in that cool way of his. Tweek allowed herself to glance up at him and saw that his eyes were roaming over her body slowly. She hoped she looked good.

Once they were all in the car, Craig swung the car around and back down Tweek’s drive, saluting ‘Call me Larry’ on the way out. Craig looked sexy as fuck driving a car and Tweek added it to her list of things Craig Tucker does that turns her on. Driving a car was now on there along with simply, ‘just exisiting’.

They were literally in the car for all of ten seconds before Craig was saluting another security guard and pulling into Token’s driveway. Craig was a typical boy racer and Tweek had had to cling onto her seat for dear life. She was grateful that it the destination was so close, as she probably would have passed out with fear if it had been any longer.

Kenny jumped out of the car and ran round to open the door for Marj, “Ma lady,” he said in a really crap British accent, taking her by the arm and escorting her to the Token’s front door.

Tweek didn’t hold her breath to be given the same treatment from Craig and opened her own door, carefully shimmying out to avoid face planting Token’s driveway. She was meticulously thinking about every movement she made in front of Craig. She really didn’t want to embarrass herself now that they had taken their relationship to the next level...even though they still hadn’t put a label on it.

“I like your shoes,” Craig said impassively, as they walked up to join Kenny and Marj on the porch. They didn’t hold hands or link arms but every now and then their shoulders would brush against each other.

“Thank you, they’re my favourite,” Tweek smiled the smile she reserved for him.

Token opened the door and grinned at the sight of them all, “Welcome, welcome! You all look amazing,” he said. He was dressed as The Godfather and had even drawn on a little mustache.

The party was already in full swing as they made their way to the kitchen to get drinks.

“Now you are going to stay away from the punch this time, right?” Craig smirked at her.

“Aha-aha-aha,” she replied sarcastically.

Craig’s smirk widened.

“Yes, I thought I would skip the punch and head straight for the crystal meth,” she joked.

Craig’s smirk disappeared and was replaced with one of his blank looks.

Tweek rolled her eyes, “I’m fucking joking, Craig.”

 

* * *

 

“So what’s the deal with you and the new girl?” Cartman asked Craig. They were in their usual spot in Token’s back garden sharing a couple of joints, “Is she off limits?”

“Yep,” Craig said, popping the p for emphasis.

Cartman shook his head, “HBK at it again. Whatever. I’ll have her when you’re finished.”

Craig rolled his eyes.

“You might be waiting a while, dude,” Kenny said, exhaling a long stream of smoke that he had been holding in.

“She looks damn fine tonight,” Clyde commented, looking over his shoulder as he said so, in case his girlfriend was within earshot.

“Careful dude, Bebe would cut your dick off if she heard you say that,” Kenny grinned.

“Fuck off, I’m not speaking to you,” Clyde pouted.

“Why the fuck not? Oh for fuck’s sake, you’re not still mad about Grease, are you?”

Clyde had also gone for a part in Grease but hadn’t been successful. He was very bitter that Kenny had won one of the lead roles, and even more annoyed that the blonde would get to work closely with his girlfriend.

Clyde didn’t reply and exaggerated ignoring him, turning his head to the side, like a child would do. Kenny rolled his eyes.

“I thought you might have been interested in Testaburger, now that she’s single?” Craig addressed Cartman as he passed the joint to the boy. Cartman grabbed it with his sausage fingers, fumbling to get a good grasp of the quickly disappearing blunt.

“Heidi’s an expert when it comes to cock-blocking, Craig. She’s already warned Wendy to stay away from me,” Cartman said bitterly.

Cartman and Heidi had one of those exhausting relationships that was so dramatic and intense it made Craig tired just thinking about it. Craig had lost count of how many times they had broken up and got back together. They had even exceeded Stan and Wendy’s record and that was saying something.

“Hey guys,” Stan Marsh had suddenly appeared which made Kenny and Craig jump a little, as they were both high as fuck and their reactions had slowed.

“So, Stan. Who’s the girl?” Clyde grinned.

Stan had brought a date along to the party which had caused the reaction that everyone had expected: Wendy had burst into immediate tears at the sight of Stan with another girl and had fled upstairs, closely followed by Bebe and Annie. Clyde hadn’t seen Bebe since.

Stan smiled, “Her name’s Taylor.”

“She looks familiar,” Kenny remarked.

“She’s a waitress at Ronny’s,” Stan confirmed.

Kenny clicked his fingers, “That’s where I’ve seen her!”

“Where is she now? You haven’t just bailed on her, have you?” Cartman sneered.

“No! I’m not a fucking idiot. She’s talking with Tweek and Marj,” Stan said angrily, like he was annoyed people didn’t think he knew how to act with a girl.

“Wendy will fucking love that,” Kenny said in a low voice to Craig.

Craig snorted.

“Fuck, it’s 11.45pm!” Clyde exclaimed, rushing off, presumably to find Bebe, so that he’d have someone to kiss at midnight.

The rest of the guys quickly finished the joint and followed his lead.

“Hey Craig, can I talk to you a minute?” Stan asked, hoping that no one else had heard him.

Craig narrowed his eyes at Stan but shrugged his shoulders in agreement. He called out to Kenny, “I’ll be two minutes,” and walked with Stan to a quieter part of the garden, away from the smokers. Kenny watched the pair curiously, before retreating to the kitchen.

“What’s up, Marsh?” Craig asked skeptically. He wondered whether Stan was going to ask him for football tips or something.

“Right, this is going to sound like really rude, or whatever, but I promised Ky- I just need to know dude, like, you know, it’s just, the whole situation, it’s shocking, and I mean, I don’t know what, like, I don’t think you’re a complete dick, and maybe, I dunno,”

Craig looked really fucking confused, “Stan, what the fuck are you talking about?”

Stan looked up at him and nodded, “Right, right. Um, I’m um, I’m talking about you and Tweek, dude, like I need to know, like what your intentions are, dude? You know?”

Craig narrowed his eyes at the boy, “What the fuck’s it got to do with you?”

Stan sensed Craig’s quick temper flaring, “Nothing, it has fucking nothing to do with me,” He said quickly, hoping to calm Craig down, “It’s just, um, like, she’s a really sweet girl and like, no offense, dude, but you haven’t got like the best reputation when it comes to girls…. I would fucking know,” he said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood, “I meant with Wendy…like I’m not saying I’m a girl or like… oh fuck. You know?”

Craig quirked his eyebrow at the boy but let him continue.

“Like, um, I just, I just don’t think she like deserves…look I just don’t want to see her getting hurt and like, if that is your intention…which I’m not saying it is, but like if you don’t really like her, then like maybe you should back off, you know?”

Craig glared at the boy, letting the silence speak for him. He was bigger than Stan and hadn’t lost a fight since elementary school. Stan, of course, knew this which is why he was exercising caution around him.

“Okay.” Craig finally said after an excruciatingly long time.

“Okay what? Okay like you’re going to back off or okay, like-“

“Okay, as in, I understand what you mean,” Craig said sternly.

“And?”

“And fucking what?” Craig snapped.

“Well…are you going to back off?”

Craig laughed harshly in Stan’s face like he was an idiot before turning and walking back into the house.

 _Well, that went about as well as it could have done,_ Stan thought to himself. At least he hadn’t received a punch to the face. He sighed, _I tried, Kyle. I really tried, dude._

* * *

 

Tweek was having a wonderful time. Not only was she at the party as Craig Tucker’s date but she also got to spend the night with her best friend. It was shaping up to be a fucking good NYE.

She hadn’t seen much of Craig during the night but it hadn’t really bothered her, as Marj hadn’t seen Kenny either. They had spent the night dancing, chatting, people watching and laughing with each other at the amount of dirty looks they were given from other girls.

Luckily, Wendy hadn’t reappeared since she had stormed off at the sight of Stan’s date, which meant Tweek had avoided a very awkward confrontation with her former head cheerleader. Tweek could have kissed Stan for bringing Taylor, he had spared her an evening of having to look at Wendy’s shit face and flailing tits.

They had adopted Taylor into their group, as Stan, like Kenny and Craig, had disappeared to hang with the boys shortly after arriving. She was very sweet and seemed to be grateful to Tweek and Marj for talking to her. Tweek thought she was a good match for Stan, for starters, she wasn’t anything like Wendy.

And to be honest, that was the only criteria the girl needed to fill.

 

* * *

 

“You came,” Red said nervously.

She had thought Millie wasn’t going to show, as it was already 11.50pm. But here she was, stood in front of her.

“I did,” Millie nodded awkwardly.

“I’m glad,” Red bit her lip and smiled at Millie.

 

* * *

 

 

They had all gathered in the living room to see in the New Year. Most people were coupled off, with only a few stragglers here and there that seemed to be without a partner.

Clyde had dragged Bebe downstairs to be with him and Tweek couldn’t help but think she looked slightly relieved to rejoin the party.

Tweek was stood with Craig, Marj and Kenny. Marj and Kenny had already started making out, like they didn’t need a countdown to tell them what to do. Tweek and Craig stood with each other awkwardly, waiting with the rest of the couples for the countdown to start.

Tweek spotted Millie through the crowd but couldn’t see who she was with. She waved eagerly and Millie smiled, lifting a hand up to her.

Suddenly, they heard someone scream, “TEN!” and Tweek almost jumped out of her skin. On the second count, everyone joined in.

“NINE!”

She hoped that Craig would kiss her.

“EIGHT!”

Surely he would kiss her.

“SEVEN!”

Fuck it, she was just going to kiss him.

“SIX!”

Wait, Millie was stood with Red…and they were holding hands?!

“FIVE!”

She felt Craig’s hand on her waist.

“FOUR!”

She locked eyes with Bebe Stevens who shot her a dirty look.

“THREE!”

Craig turned her around and pulled her into him. Her heart started beating furiously fast.

“TWO!”

She had stopped counting and so had Craig. They were staring into each other’s eyes, like they were the only ones in the room.

“ONE!”

He lowered his head and captured her lips with his.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”

Everyone started cheering and blowing on streamers but Tweek couldn’t really hear any of the noise as she was concentrating too hard on kissing Craig.

The kiss was soft and sweet. There was no urgency to it, it was like Craig was trying to savour the moment or something. It was the second time she had felt weirdly romantic and she knew she was falling for him fast. She really, really fucking liked him.

Their kiss was rudely interrupted by Kenny who grabbed Craig, yanking him away so that he could plant his own kiss on his best friend’s cheek, “Happy New Year, Darling!” He shouted into his ear.

Craig grimaced and Tweek grinned at the sight. Marj was tapping furiously on her arm and Tweek thought for a second that her best friend wanted to kiss her and wish her well too. In actual fact, Marj was trying to get Tweek’s attention, as in the middle of the room Cartman and Heidi were furiously making out. It was quite a scene… and not a pleasant one at that - it was practically pornographic. Cartman’s large hands had all but pulled Heidi’s skirt over her ass, so he could squeeze it. But Heidi didn’t seem to be bothered in the slightest and was lapping at Cartman’s tongue eagerly. Eurghh.

Tweek pulled a disgusted face and Marj turned to see what she was looking at. She shook her head and grabbed Tweek, turning her to the thing that she had wanted to show her. Next to Cartman and Heidi, was the familiar strawberry blonde locks of their friend Millie, whose lips were locked firmly on one of the most popular girls in school.

Tweek’s eyes widened, as she realized that was who Millie had been talking about all those weeks ago. Her secret.

Tweek smiled, “Happy New Year, Marj” she said, unable to take her eyes off Millie and Red.

“Happy New Year, Tweek.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to hit me up on Tumblr I'm Guestswithoutbags - I got my first comment this week and I was fucking buzzing about it to say the least.
> 
>  
> 
> Please continue to leave your sexy comments and I will respond to each one :)


	14. Lucky Number 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so firstly, I am so sorry for how freaking long this took. I had three work events which took up my evenings and then I went straight on a family vay-cay where I got no time to myself. So sorry.
> 
> However, I will be posting another chapter on Sunday, so like you won't have long to wait at all.
> 
> Secondly, this chapter is horrendous. It is a filler chapter before all the good shit happens and I'm not going to lie I really did struggle with it. It's mostly about Tallulah because I fucking love her. Eurghhhh. Whatever.
> 
> Thirdly and finally...over 4000 hits, fucking ey!

"Where do the boys keep disappearing to?" Tweek asked. It was 2.00am and they were still at Token's, partying like it was 1999.

"Outside, to you know...get high," Marj shrugged. They were stood in Token's kitchen with Taylor, taking a break from the loud music which was still blaring from the living room. They had been boogying like lunatics, gaining stares from Bebe Stevens and Annie Nelson who were without their leader, as Wendy had gone home sulking not long after midnight.

"What the fuck?! Why aren't we invited? "I get high!" Tweek protested. She smoked weed from time to time, as it helped with her anxiety, and she was definitely in the mood to be mellow and find everything hysterical.

Marj shrugged again, "I dunno, it's just something the guys do?"

"That's so sexist! Like, what? We wouldn't want to get high just because we're girls?" Tweek huffed. How fucking rude. Just because she had a vageen didn't mean that she didn't like to blaze it every once in a while.

"Well we are stood in the kitchen," Taylor smirked at the gender-role irony.

"Yeah, we should start making fucking pies or something," Tweek grumbled. She had the urge to follow it with, 'apple pies' the same way the witch says it in Snow White but she realised no one would probably get what the fuck she was on about.

"I have some weed if you want to, you know, 'party'," Taylor said with a cheeky grin.

Tweek raised her eyebrows at the girl. Not only did Taylor not look anything like Wendy Tits Magee Testaburger, she also had the opposite personality and was actually really fucking cool. Tweek made a note to tell Stan that she approved. Maybe she could fill in a comment card about her and under additional comments she could put, '10/10 - would definitely recommend to a friend'.

Tweek nodded with a smile, "Oh, I want to party." She was probably the only stone cold sober one at the party, everyone was either drunk, high or gurning their tits off on ketamine. Even Marj and Taylor had participated in a couple of beverages.

Marj's eyes darted from Taylor to Tweek, "I, um. I haven't ever smoked marijuana before."

The fact that she referred to it as 'marijuana' made Tweek's heart melt. On the one hand, Marj seemed to be very streetwise - her sexual background rivaled that of the ladies in the windows of Amsterdam…not that she was a whore or anything but she was definitely down with sexy knowledge. She knew all about seeping semen and queefing. On the other hand, however, Marj was still a very naive little girl who had yet to experience the big bad world.

"Well, I wouldn't if I were you, Marj. First weed, then heroin. Best stay off the shit if you don't want to end up homeless and blowing old toothless men under the pier for five dollars," Tweek said seriously.

Marj's eyes widened in horror and Taylor and Tweek burst out laughing.

"I'm kidding, you dick. But don't feel like you have to do it just because we are. Like 'just say no', you know?"

Taylor took out her stash from her purse and began rolling a joint like a pro. Tweek was grateful that she knew what she was doing, Tweek's joints always resembled a scabby Cheeto.

"Let's go," Taylor said once she had finished rolling. They decided to go out the front so that the guys didn't think they were trying to gatecrash their 'good timez' or whatever.

Taylor lit the joint with practiced perfection and took a deep drag, passing it to Tweek and holding in the smoke. Tweek mimicked Taylor's action whilst Marj stood watching with nervous interest. After Tweek and Taylor had passed it between them a few more times, Marj finally spoke up.

"Can I have a try?" She said sheepishly.

"How much have you had to drink? You aren't like supposed to mix," Taylor said cautiously.

"Um, like not much...just, you know, a few."

Taylor shot Tweek a look, silently asking for the blonde's permission to let Marj have a go.

"Yeah, she should be fine," Tweek said. She wouldn't fuck her best friend over and Marj seemed to be well aware of her surroundings. Although the shit was strong - it had hit Tweek like a bag of dicks.

Taylor passed Marj the spliff delicately, waiting for Marj to get a good grasp of it. Tweek started giggling at the way she was holding it - she looked like Cruella De Vil wondering where her fucking dogs were.

The smile was quickly wiped off Tweek’s face as Marj proceeded to take far too big of a drag for her first hit. Tweek’s delayed reactions meant that she was too slow to stop her.

"Wait - Marj!" Taylor shouted, throwing her arms up to get the blonde's attention.

Marj peeled her pursed lips off the joint and comically held her breath, like a child would do when showing off how long they could hold their breath underwater...She was almost turning red.

"Exhale, you dick!" Tweek shouted and Marj finally released the long stream of smoke she had held in.

Taylor and Tweek looked at her nervously, waiting for a reaction. Marj was still clutching the joint, staring at it like it was the holy grail.

"Wow...that's some good shit," Marj said with a very serious face.

Tweek burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing she had ever heard....because it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. She almost coughed up a lung it was that funny. Maybe it was the weed or something... but fucking lol. Her laughter prompted Taylor to join in and every time Tweek tried to stop, she'd only have to look at Taylor to start again. Marj stood there like a lump of cheese wondering what the fuck was so funny. It was that funny to Tweek that tears soon started spilling from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Taylor had resorted to squatting on the floor, telling Tweek to stop or she was going to piss herself.

When they had finally calmed down, they realised that Marj had had a few more goes on the blunt. Her eyes were bloodshot red and she was studying her hands, looking at them like she had never noticed them before. The sight nearly set Tweek off again but she managed to keep it together so that they could finish the joint.

They didn’t let Marj have anymore despite her protests that she could, in fact, handle it. She was acting like Snoop Dogg on April 20th.

Once they were done, Tweek wasn't just mellow, she felt like she had no bones left in her entire body - like she was just mush. She was struggling with the most basic functions...like walking. It was like she had lost her motor skills or something. They eventually attempted to walk back into the house and all three of them found the task to be quite difficult. Every third step Marj would flail her limbs about wildly, Taylor seemed to be moving in slow motion, like she was on Baywatch, and Tweek looked like she was about to drop the American flag on the fucking moon.

"Marj, what the fuck are you doing?" Tweek asked as Marj suddenly used her arms like windmills again.

"I dunno...I keep thinking...like...my arms aren't there anymore... you know? And like I just have to check just to make sure that they’re still there."

Tweek had to stop mid moonwalk as she started laughing again; she leant against the side of the house and did that silent laugh you did when it was just too fucking funny. Her cheeks ached from the feeling and she was pretty sure that had cried a river of hysterical tears. This time, Taylor couldn't hold it in and crossed her legs desperately but it was useless and she started screaming that she was pissing herself which made Tweek lose her shit even more and she ended up sliding down the side of Token’s House, ending up in a heap on the cold hard ground. She didn't give a shit about her shoes at that point.

After about a fucking month of laughing, Tweek had finally managed to pick herself up; Taylor had discarded her piss-soaked underwear into one of Token's bushes, and Marj had made it to the front door. They re-entered the party very slowly and were met with the blaring music coming from the speakers. Everything was amplified and Tweek felt like she could have starred in the Prodigy's 'Smack my bitch up' video. There were just images of bodies everywhere and every time she turned her head it felt like her brain was smacking against her skull.

“Jesus, Taylor, what the fuck kind of weed was that?”

“It’s called ‘Confetti Panther’ or something, my weed guy grew it himself,” Taylor shouted slowly above the music.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Tweek said to herself - she felt like she was having an out of body experience like she wasn't in control of any of her limbs. It felt like someone was operating them for her... Like she was a puppet or something. They managed to make it to the kitchen and flopped down onto the sofa - the three of them sat there in silence, staring into space.

“Where the fuck have you be-“ Kenny stopped mid-sentence, looking at the three girls suspiciously, “What’s wrong? Why are you all sat there looking like children of the corn?”

Tweek had hit the level of high where everything took effort and she hoped that one of the other two would answer the blonde’s question. She was having a difficult time trying to exist alongside the too bright lights of the kitchen. Was there any need for them to be that bright? It was like the sun had made a pit stop in Token's kitchen before shimmying back to the fucking solar system. 

“What?” Marj said after an eternity and in a way that said, ‘I don’t know where I am, who the fuck you are, or what the fuck you have just said.’

Apparently, that was all it took for Kenny to instantly know what was up with them.

“OH MY GOD! ARE YOU HIGH!?” He shouted in disbelief.

Taylor let out a nervous giggle which set Tweek off instantly. This time though, even Marj joined in and they were all back to doing that shit silent laughter, where your mouth hung open, your eyes scrunched together and no sound at all came out. 

“They’re all stoned off their fucking tits!” Kenny said to Craig and Stan who had entered the kitchen, presumably after searching for them.

Craig and Stan looked at the girls who were practically in a heap on the sofa.

“It’s not our fault, it was the sweaty panda,” Marj said. She had managed to calm down long enough to get out a cohesive sentence but had obviously not heard the name of the weed properly.

“Babe, what the fuck are you talking about?” Kenny asked, confusion and amusement written all over his face.

Tweek and Taylor eventually stopped laughing, although the ‘sweaty panda’ comment had almost seen Tweek off.

She looked up at Craig who was staring at her with the slightest hint of a grin on his face. She probably looked shit, as she had been crying with laughter and she wasn't wearing waterproof mascara... she definitely resembled a sweaty panda...she giggled again. Fuck. She needed to get a grip.

Marj blinked at Kenny and seemed to forget her train of thought, as she suddenly turned to Tweek and Taylor and said:

"Is anyone else really hungry?"

Oh fuck.

Tweek put her head in her hands and fell back into hysterical silent laughter. The fact that her innocent friend had the munchies, paired with 'sweaty panda' and the boys all looking at them like they had special needs, was enough of a combination for Tweek to blow a funny fuse.

Kenny grinned at his girlfriend and shook his head, "Fucking hell, Marj."

 

* * *

 

They all ended up back at Tweek's sat watching Spirited Away in her living room. Kenny and Craig had given Marj and Tweek piggybacks from Token's but Taylor had strategically declined the offer from Stan, as she was pantyless and couldn't risk Stan finding out why.

When they got to Tweek’s house, Taylor had rolled a joint of ‘Confetti Panther’ for the boys to try, whilst the girls ventured inside in search of snacks.

Since Tweek's mom had found out about Craig, the House had been overstocked with 'boy snacks'. Tweek couldn't move for chips, dips, chocolate and ice cream. When she opened her refrigerator and pantry, everyone had made the same shit joke about her house being like Wallmart. 

"Like don't you live on your own?" Stan said in disbelief at the sheer amount of junk food Tweek was hoarding. They boys had returned in the same state that the girls were in, aka high as a kite and absolutely ravenous.

Tweek shrugged slowly, "Pretty much, yeah." 

"How are you so skinny?" 

People were always commenting on how small Tweek was, she had gotten used to it. She nodded and said, "Cocaine," with a smile but dropped it quickly when everyone turned to gawk at her. She raised her eyebrows, "That was a joke..." Why did people not get her sense of humour? Like, did she look like a fucking meth head or crack whore or something?

"Seriously though, you are really skinny," Stan continued with concern. He may as well have said, 'You definitely look like a drug addict, are you sure you're not on meth?' It really didn't help that she had cracked out the cocaine joke which had bombed like fucking Hiroshima.

"I prefer anorexic-chic," she grinned, when everyone stopped to look at her with concern, she rolled her eyes, "Oh god damn it," she muttered. She needed a fucking sign to clarify when she was joking and when she was not. 

She wasn't that skinny... like, she was thin but not shockingly thin. She was just petite. She was 5 foot 5 (at a push) and 100 pounds soaking wet. It wasn't her fault. It was in her genes. Craig had the cool gene - she had the awkward, petite, clearly can't land a fucking joke gene. 

After they had all stocked up on snacks, they made their way to the living room. She had chosen Spirited Away, as it was her go-to movie when she was stoned. The colours and artistic style was a fucking feast for the eyeballs, never mind her Wallmart-cum-kitchen, this was where the real snacks were.

Before turning the light off, Tweek whipped out some ultra soft blankets from the poof and dished them out willy-nilly before curling into the center of the obnoxiously large sofa under her own blanket. She was being coy (koi carp) with Craig, as she didn't want to seem desperate but she was secretly thrilled when he came over to sit next to her and got under the blanket with her, placing an arm around her shoulder, like she was his.

It was about an hour into the movie when everyone fell completely silent. Even Marj who had been tucking into ice cream like it was her last meal on earth had stopped, spoon in hand and halfway to her mouth, eyes fixed firmly on the TV, like she was being hypnotised or something. It was like everyone had gone catatonic.

Craig was stroking Tweek's hair and it was the best feeling she had ever felt. She had drifted off into a completely relaxed state and snuggled into him, draping an arm over his chest. He squeezed her tightly and placed a soft kiss on her head. She could have happily died there and then. It was like her life had peaked.

They remained like that until the end of the film, with everyone absolutely transfixed on the screen. When it had finally finished, it was like a spell had been broken and they all snapped out of their dream-like states.

"That was fucking awesome," Kenny finally broke the silence.

"Yeah," everyone nodded in agreement. 

"Fuck what time is it?" Stan said.

"5.30" Marj replied before yawning comically on cue.

"Shit the bed, that's really late," Tweek caught Marj's yawn off her. She peeled herself off Craig and turned to Stan and Taylor, "You guys can stay if you want, there's like plenty of rooms...not that I'm bragging or anything... but my house is like Ikea." She was definitely bragging because if you couldn't brag about your guest rooms when someone needed a place to stay then when could you?

"Um," Stan and Taylor looked at each other sheepishly. 

She had presumed that Craig would stay too, just because Kenny was but she didn't want to be too presumptuous, "You too, dickhead," she said with a smirk. Craig raised his eyebrows at her and held his tongue against his teeth, trying not to smile.

“You’ll regret that,” he warned flirtatiously.

 

* * *

 

They had just closed the door to her room when a loud knock sounded on it. Because Tweek was used to living on her own, she let out an involuntary screech, forgetting that she had agreed to let people stay mere minutes ago.

Craig jumped at the sound but broke out into a large grin soon after, "How do you live on your own, again?" He teased.

Tweek shot him a glare before shimmying over and opening the door. 

“Hey Stan, you okay?” 

“Um, hey, um.” Stan stood hovering in the doorway, looking really uncomfortable, "Right...this is going to sound...right, it's just Kenny said that you had some and like...I didn't really plan, you know?"

Tweek blinked at him dumbfounded. She didn't have a Scooby Do what he was on about.

Stan sighed before continuing, "Um like...you know?" He looked at her pleadingly.

No. She didn't know. Tweek squinted at him, willing her brain to cotton on to what he was getting at.

"Um, so me and Taylor... like...um...you know, and we haven't got...um and like Kenny said that you do and um...you know?" Stan had placed his hand on his neck, as if the conversation was really painful to him.

"Eh?" Tweek finally managed to say back to the boy. Did they need extra blankets or something? Stan looked up to the ceiling, squirming uncomfortably.

"He's asking for condoms, Tallulah," Craig said. He was sat on the bed, watching the awkward interaction with great pleasure on his face. 

Tweek flushed scarlet, "OH!" she shouted way too loudly, due to her sheer embarrassment at her lack of fucking understanding to an obvious subject, "Right, um, yeah, hang on."  She shakily made her way over to her nightstand and yanked open the drawer with too much force, causing it to fly right out and launch dozens of condoms and several bottles of lube across her room and onto her bedroom floor.

Fuck.

It was excessive.

Like really excessive.

It was like condom confetti.

Tweek just stood there, empty drawer in hand, gawking at the scene before her, knowing full well that she couldn't salvage the situation. Craig had seen it, Stan had seen, she had seen it. Fuck.

No one needed that amount of condoms...well hookers probably did, like eventually...

The only saving grace was that there wasn’t a dildo or electric toothbrush in there, or some other form of masturbation tool. Thank fuck there wasn’t a sign of a banana...

She was trying to think of what to say about said condoms - Craig would be curious as to why she had that many, as they clearly hadn't been using them, and she wouldn't be able to tell him that Marj gave them her to practice with, or that her Mom and Dad were hoping her and Craig were fucking on the regular (she kept coming home to find another 'sexy' package on her bed).

Why was this the second embarrassing thing to happen with condoms and Craig? It did not bode well for when they eventually had sex. Maybe this was a warning of things to come. What if she got cocky and tried to impress him by saying she could put the condom on with her mouth but ended up choking on it and dying? What if condom companies had to start putting warnings on the packaging, like the cigarette companies did, alerting people to the dangers of death by condom and a picture of her face saying 'gone too soon, Tallulah India Tweek (TIT)'. She decided that when the time came, she'd leave Craig to put the condom on, she couldn't risk it. It was like a sexy Final Destination or something. Condoms were out to get her.

She didn't know how long she had been staring at her condom covered carpet for, but she knew it had been a while. She had two options: she could either try and make a joke out of the situation which would probably go horribly wrong, as all her jokes did. Or, she could pretend that it was a normal amount for a teenage girl to have in her nightstand, give Stan a few, and go on with the night, ignoring any sarcastic comments that Craig may make.

Unfortunately, she didn't have time to make the decision as Craig finally chirped up, "Well, Marsh, you've got your pick. Flavoured? Ribbed? Extra large?" He said with that fucking smirk on his face.

Stan scowled at the last one - even Tweek had heard the rumours that Craig was bigger than Stan in the trouser snake department.

"Just normal, thanks," Stan said through gritted teeth.

"I think it's a lucky dip here, Marsh," Craig said, amusement still clearly visible on both his face and in his voice. He bent down and took a handful of condoms before strolling over to Stan and dumping them in his hands. "Now, how are you for lube?"

Stan scowled at him and didn't even bother to reply. He just turned and stalked off down the hallway.

"I think he's okay for lube," Craig said to Tweek, shutting the door behind him. Tweek was still stood by the pile of condoms and lube, frozen in place.

Craig sat back down on the bed, biting back a grin and clearly waiting for an explanation. Tweek was still bright red from embarrassment - why? Why did god shit on her like this? She just wanted to appear normal for once in her fucking life.

Tweek almost launched into one of her awkward explanations involving her parents, bondage, safety words and Marj's teaching habits but stopped herself in the nick of time and simply said, "Well, I just want to be prepared," with a shrug.

Craig cocked his head at her, "I think you'll be prepared for life, Tallulah."

Tweek tried to flirt back, "Don't be ridiculous Craig, this shit has an expiry date."

"Better use them soon then," Craig replied with a hint of a smirk on his face. It widened significantly when he saw her reaction which was a mixture of shock, panic and embarrassment.

She gulped, "Um," was all she managed to say. Fuck. She was going to have to have  THAT talk with him.

Craig gestured her over to the bed and she complied as usual. She nearly decked it when she accidentally stood on one of the condoms and went skidding across the carpet. But luckily she managed to keep her balance and nervously took a seat next to him.

He gently placed a kiss on her lips and all her worries melted away. She returned it eagerly and soon, they were making out furiously which probably wasn’t the smartest idea Tweek had ever had, when there was a sea of condoms at their feet.

Craig unbuttoned her shirt, yanking it off her as soon as he had it fully open and throwing it on top of the condoms on the floor. He kissed her hard again, his hands traveling to the waistband of her skirt, searching for the zipper.

The skirt soon joined the shirt on the floor and Tweek was just left in the fishnet stockings, her stilettos and underwear. She made sure to whip off the trilby before it could ruin her life and she was just about to her shoes off but Craig stopped her.

“No! Keep them on, I like them,” Craig said, not meeting her eye, as though he was embarrassed by his arousal at her footwear. Tweek’s eyes widened.

So Craig had a fetish for stilettos? She made a mental note to whip them out more often.

Craig recaptured her lips and ran his hand up her leg, grabbing it and wrapping it around him. He gently placed her down on the bed, positioning himself on top of her. He rolled his hips into her and Tweek felt his painfully hard erection press against her groin. She moaned lightly.

Oh shit.

Tweek realised that she had probably led Craig on, allowing him to strip her and moaning when he grinded against her. She had just expected a repeat of their last sexual escapades. She would end up semi-naked, would give him a sterling blow job and then they would fall asleep in each other’s arms. But Craig had other intentions. He was clearly down to fuck. She hadn’t just led him down the garden path, she was drinking pink lemonade with him in the conservatory. What the fuck did she think was going to happen? She had literally lobbed condoms at him. She was definitely the definition of a cock tease. If you looked it up on Urban Dictionary she was pretty sure there would be a picture of her gurning.

Tweek needed to stop where this was heading. She was about to end his free trial and ask for some credit card details.

She pulled away from his lips, “Um…Craig, I’m, um,” she stammered shamefully, “I’m not ready for…” Their eyes locked and she wanted to look away desperately but something inside her told him to give him the decency of eye contact when she was about to pie him off, “Look, it’s not that I don’t want to with you, because I do and um, like I’ve thought about it… a lot…not like, not excessively…but…um,” She trailed off before she could give him her shit excuses as to why she was holding back.

Craig let out a light sigh which made her flush with shame – he seemed disappointed. She scrunched her eyes shut, cringing hard.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said sweetly, planting light kisses on her jaw.

“You seem disappointed,” Tweek said opening her eyes but avoiding his gaze. He was still on top of her and she didn’t have many options on where her eyeballs should land. She bit her lip nervously.

Craig let out a light laugh, “I guess, I just really want to fuck you.”

Tweek’s eyes snapped back to Craig’s, alarmed at his statement. He had never been so upfront with her before. Her stomach flipped hard. Craig Tucker REALLY wanted to have sex with her. She smiled when she realised even he was surprised at what had left his mouth – he was blushing hard and had turned his head to the side, unable to meet her gaze.

Tweek tried to make light of the situation, “You can fuck me on your birthday – I’ll even keep the shoes on.”

Craig’s head snapped back and their eyes locked. She matched his blush - she couldn’t believe she had said ‘fuck me’ instead of ‘make love down by the fire’ or something, as it was going to be her first time and she wanted it to be, like gentle. ‘Fucking’ insinuated hard, fast, sweaty sex, and she needed it to be like an Ed Sheeran love song sex… like ‘ _When your legs don’t work like they used to before’,_ sex. Her legs probably wouldn’t work after she had sex with Craig. He was going to destroy her, as Marj had said…which was probably one of the major reasons she was holding back.

“Are you serious?” Craig said eagerly, perhaps too eagerly.

Tweek nodded in what she hoped looked seductive. At least this way it would buy her time to get over her sex fears. She had like, what? At least a couple of months…Oh fuck. When was his birthday?

“You do know my birthday is this month, right?”

Fuck.

No. No, she did not.

Tweek couldn’t mask the panicked look on her face.

“Well, I do now.”

  

* * *

 

  

“So how was Connecticut?” Stan asked Kyle.

They were hanging in Kyle’s room. Stan had come round as soon as the redhead had arrived back home. He had been gone a full week and Stan had missed him.

“Eurgh, the worst,” Kyle groaned. He hated visiting his cousin, the week had been absolute torture for him and Ike.

“How was Token’s party?”

“Good. It was good. We ended up back at Tweek’s watching this crazy Japanese anime movie,” Stan smiled at the memory. 

“Did Craig go?”

“Yeah, dude. He did and I, um… I spoke to him about Tweek and um, well I don’t think he’s out to like, hurt her. They seemed quite, like close and shit.” Stan had been watching them closely all night and he hated to admit it but they seemed really into each other. The way they flirted, the way Craig looked at her – he had never looked at Wendy like that.

“Yeah well, we’ll see,” Kyle huffed. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about Tweek and Craig. He had promised himself he wouldn’t dwell on things out of his control. It was like his new year’s resolution or whatever.

“So – how’s it going with Taylor,” Kyle smiled cheekily at Stan.

“Yeah…um, yeah it’s going well.”

“You fucked yet?”

“Jesus, Kyle!” Stan flushed with embarrassment, “But yeah, um, yeah we have.”

“And?” Kyle smirked at Stan in a way that suggested he wanted all the details. He may have been a virgin but he was still a red-blooded teenage boy. He wanted to at least hear what it was like.

“It was, yeah… um…no complaints,” Stan smiled shyly.

“Must be nice,” Kyle said with a grin, “So did you do it in the Fiesta?”

“Actually it was at Tweek’s, in one of the guest bedrooms.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows. 

“And um, you shouldn’t worry about Tweek being like, you know….’brand new’… she has quite the stash of rubbers and lube,” Stan said with a laugh, remembering the flurry of sex supplies spilling out of the drawer.

“Dude, gross. I do not need to think about Craig and Tweek fucking,” Kyle grimaced.

“I dunno, dude,” Stan said with a smile, “I’d definitely watch that shit.”

 

* * *

 

 

They were given their scripts on the first day back at school and Marj and Kenny had wasted no time in highlighting their parts together after school.

“You’re going to have to kiss Bebe, you do know that, right?” Marj asked her boyfriend, she was sitting on her bed cross-legged with a pink highlighter in hand, skim reading her script.

“Are you jealous?” Kenny said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. He was sat on the opposite end of the bed, his face buried in his own script, orange highlighter in hand.

“Nah, I get to kiss Bridon. I’ve definitely won,” Marj grinned and looked up at him. She had been secretly thrilled that the role of Danny had been given to Bridon Gueermo, a good-looking junior who could sing, dance and act. He was also the star of the basketball team and made most of the girls at the school swoon, he was like, a quadruple threat. Marj suspected that he would rank high in the next round of ‘The List’, he may even challenge Kenny and Craig for one of the top spots.

Kenny looked up at her pouting comically.

She quickly reassured her boyfriend, “I’m just joking, babe. You’re still my number one.” Kenny smiled and winked at her. “How did Clyde take it?”

“Not well,” Kenny smirked, “Not only is he fuming that he didn’t get a part but he’s absolutely furious that Bebe’s my ‘girlfriend’ in it.”

Marj shared Clyde’s sentiments, although she would never tell Kenny. It was obvious to everyone that Bebe still held a torch for the blonde boy, and she suspected that Clyde knew as much too.  The fact that Bebe had three months to get close to Kenny unnerved Marj to no end. The director, Mrs Bergstein, had already told them that she expected them to meet up with each other outside of school to practice. Marj hated the thought of Kenny being anywhere near the blonde bitch, let alone in the privacy of Bebe’s bedroom with the door shut, practicing their intimate scenes. But jealousy was a very unattractive trait to possess, and she was proud of Kenny for winning such a large role. So she kept her mouth shut - she trusted Kenny 100%.

“You can’t blame him, you know she would suck your dick in a heartbeat,” Marj joked. Or at least made it seem like she was joking.  

“Who wouldn’t though?” Kenny grinned, “I don’t blame her. I’d suck my own dick if I could.”

“There are some people who can actually do that, you know.”

Kenny sighed, “Alas, I am not one of them.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, so like, I need you to tell me everything about your first time,” Tweek said seriously, passing Marj a can of soda.

She had invited the blonde round for what had turned into their weekly take out/chat session. Tweek always provided the food and Marj always provided the advice.

“It twas a bleak winter’s day in the middle of December and the stable boy Kenneth McCormick had come to the house to tell me one of the horses was in a dire condition,” Marj said in a posh voice.

“I’m being fucking serious, Marj. I’ve agreed to have sex with Craig.”

Marj’s eyes widened and she almost spat out the soda she had just taken a mouthful of, “What?! When? Have you like, signed a contract?”

“No you fucking lunatic!” Tweek scoffed.

“Well, what do you mean you’ve ‘agreed’?”

“Basically, things got heated and I sort of, led him on and then, um, kind of left him with blue balls but like, um, promised we could um, have sex on his birthday.”

“And you did know that his birthday is this month, right?”

“Well, I didn’t but I fucking do now and like, I need help…I need you to talk me off the ledge.” Tweek should have checked her facts before agreeing to give Craig birthday sex. For some reason, she had it in her head that his birthday was in March… he just looked like a March birthday kind of guy. But no, Craig was born on 25thJanuary… she had 3 weeks to psych herself up for the big event.

“What are you worried about?”

“Everything.”

“Like?”

“I’m terrified. I’m terrified of how much it’s going to hurt, I’m terrified that I will bleed everywhere and gross him out. I’m terrified of his monster dick and him ruining my anatomy. I’m terrified of queefing and dying of embarrassment. I’m terrified that I will be shit and he’ll wonder why the fuck he even entertained being with me in the first place, and I’m terrified that once he sleeps with me, he’ll like, ditch me. Kyle thinks that’s what he’ll do.” Tweek panted hard. It was good to get all her worries off her chest.

“Okay,” Marj held her hands up to try and calm Tweek down,  “I promise you, those are all normal fears,” she said reassuringly, “And we’re gonna go through one by one, okay?”

Tweek nodded.

“Okay, so first of all, I’m not going to lie, it does hurt.”

Tweek winced.

“But, it’s like a bearable pain, if that makes sense? And like, it does start to feel good after the first few times, so you just have to see it through.”

“But like, how bad’s the pain?”

“Like…okay it’s bad, like think of the worst period pains you’ve had and like, yeah,” Marj trailed off.

Tweek nodded. Okay, so period pain, she could handle that, she did so every month, no big deal.

“But like, the more, um, ‘excited’ you are the better it will be,”Marj said and Tweek nodded again in understanding – she had lube and plenty of it…Craig and Stan could vouch for her.

“And like, not everyone finds it painful, I’m just giving you the worst case scenario.”

Tweek raised her eyebrows in surprise. She thought it was a done deal that everyone found it painful.

“And like, the same goes for the bleeding thing. Some people do, some don’t,”Marj shrugged.

“Did you?” Tweek asked eagerly.

“Um, yeah…yeah, I did but like it wasn’t, like excessive or anything. Like just put a towel down or something.” Marj shrugged as if that was the obvious solution.

Oh yeah, that would go down well. ‘Do you mind fucking me on this towel, Craig? Sorry but I’ve got Egyptian cotton sheets and I just can’t bear to see them shit up…but don’t worry, the towels are also Egyptian cotton, not that your arse will be touching them or anything.’ Putting a towel down would definitely kill the mood…like when you put newspaper down for puppies to piss on. She was the puppy in every sense.

Marj looked at Tweek’s concerned expression, “Craig will know how to deal with it, he won’t make you feel stupid.”

“No, I know that,” Tweek said. She knew Craig would take the lead and guide her through the dance of popping her cherry delicately.

“So, sorry – what else were you worried about? Queefing?” Marj smirked, taking another swig of her diet coke.

“Yeah. That, Craig’s monster dick tearing me apart and like, um being so shit in bed that he fucks me and then…um”

“Chucks you?” Marj filled in Tweek’s blank.

Tweek sighed, “Yeah.”

“Ok, so, first of all, you probably won’t queef on your first time, that’s like… urghh, it’s just, like when air gets trapped up there because of certain positions…and like….you’re probably safest with the missionary, which is what you’ll be doing, so I honestly really wouldn’t worry about it.”

Tweek furrowed her eyebrows, “How does air get trapped up there?”

"Like when you’re really, um, going for it, the dick can like push air in and like, well…it has to come out, you know?” Marj had begun to use her hands to demonstrate. Tweek was particularly enthralled with the movement Marj used for ‘going for it’ – she had started palming her hands together ferociously which had made a sort of fart noise.

Jesus Christ, sex really was like a science lesson. Tweek was pretty sure there was some physics behind queefing. Angle of the penis times width of the vageen and all that bollocks.

“Also, I was only joking about him tearing you apart, you’ll be fine. Your vagina is built to push tiny humans out of it, a big old dick won’t ruin things,” Marj grinned as Tweek pulled another horrified face.

They paused for a while so they could eat their food. This week’s offering was Indian - Tweek was trying to open Marj’s eyes to world cuisine. She had opted for a chicken korma for Marj and a Paneer Tika Masala for herself. Marj seemed to be enjoying it.

“So, about the other thing,” Tweek began. Marj had seemed to answer all of her other worries but there was still a major fear to be discussed. “Do you…like, I know he’s been with a lot of, um, girls, but like, do you think he’ll get bored of me?”

Tweek desperately wanted to think she was different to the other girls. For one thing, Craig had given her his letterman jacket to wear and he had only ever done that with one other girl, which also happened to be her arch-nemesis but that was besides the point. Tweek kind of hated, no scrap that, she fucking despised the fact that Wendy had worn his jacket once upon a dream. Tweek felt weirdly possessive over Craig. Like he was ‘her man’ or something.

Craig had to like her, didn’t he? He seemed interested. He always replied to her texts straight away and like most of the time, it was him who would start the conversations.

Plus – he was the one that did the chasing and he was the one who apologised when things went south. If he didn’t care he would have just moved on to the next victim.

Unless he was just acting…maybe he was. Maybe this is how he had had so many girls. Was Tweek just another bimbo virgin falling for his charm? Was Kyle right? Did Craig collect virgins for the fun of it? What if like, he had a bet with someone to bang as many virgins as possible. Like that fucking movie, ‘Kids’….holy fuck, what if he gave her aids?! She was going to ask him to get tested before she went anywhere near him…it was only fair….ahhh fuck. She’d already sucked his dick. She probably already had mouth aids… was that a thing?

Marj sighed, “Do you want me to be honest or do you want me to say what you want to hear?”

Tweek’s face fell. So Marj also agreed with Kyle.

“Look, it’s just, um, I want to believe that you’re different, that, you know… Like, I’ve seen the way he is with you and, yeah, he’s never been like that with other girls. But like, it IS what he does, you know?”

Tweek nodded and looked down, staring at her food on her plate. She wasn’t mad at Marj, she was thankful for the honesty, no matter how hurtful it was. Marj was just trying to be a friend.

“And like, I know you’ve promised him and stuff but like, don’t do it unless you’re ready.”

Tweek sighed, “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready…” She was weird when it came to anything sexual. She didn’t know why but she couldn’t help overthinking every fucking minute detail.

“But, and I know this is going to sound really fucking shallow. But Craig is really, really hot and like, there are worse people I could lose my virginity to, you know?” She said, trying to justify her reasons to Marj.

It’s not that she was glossing over the fact that he probably would get bored of her - that was a massive concern of hers. It’s just that, she was 17 and like Craig was the first person she had ever been attracted to. Plus that fucking hair. Wasn’t that a good enough reason to give up your virginity?

Who was she kidding? She really fucking liked him and they hadn’t even established what they were. She wasn’t expecting a proposal or anything, just like, confirmation that once he’d seen her bits he wouldn’t go around bragging about it, you know? She wasn’t deluded, she knew it was a high school romance. Craig was going to go off to college and would probably end up in the NFL. And she was going to mooch off her parents until she decided to sort her life out. She’d probably end up marrying someone who worked for her dad…like an accountant or something, someone really, really boring. But at least she’d always have the memories of banging the hot football player, who made her bleed all over her Egyptian cotton sheets.

Marj smiled, “Yeah, I get you. I would totally fuck Craig too.”

  

* * *

 

  

“So, I’ve thought about it and um, I’ve decided that I’m definitely going through with um…with the sex,” Tweek said to Marj.

They were stood by Marj’s locker, Tweek was waiting for the blonde to pack all her stuff away. Now that Tweek was no longer a cheerleader, she could enjoy driving home with her best friend every day.

“You mean the birthday sex?” Marj grinned wickedly.

Tweek flushed, “Yeah, um, yeah.”

“You do know that you could get him arrested for this. You’ll still be a minor, he’ll be seen as a paedophile.”

Tweek laughed, “But you’re 18 and Kenny’s only 17?”

“Yes and I’m a massive paedo.” Marj said very seriously and very loudly, just as Bridon Gueermo approached. He definitely heard her call herself a paedo. It really didn’t help that he was in the year below them.

“Hey, Marj, isn’t it? I’m Bridon, I’m playing Danny,” He said with a Hollywood smile, despite the paedo comment.

 ** _Wow_**. Tweek thought. He was very good looking.

“Hey, yeah, hi!” Marj said very enthusiastically. She seemed flustered which was out of character for Marj who seemed to be able to keep it together at all times. It was probably his good looks or something. At least she hadn’t introduced herself as ‘Marj the paedo.’

“So, like, I thought that maybe you’d like to get together to like, go through our lines sometime?”

“Absolutely! That would be great!” Marj said with too much enthusiasm again.

“Great, when are you free?” Bridon smiled his Hollywood smile at her.

“Um, tonight actually!”

Tweek wanted to tell her to dial it back. She was acting like one of those people who work at Lush….the ones who practically backflip when you walk in the store to greet you.

“Excellent! Do you want to come over to my house?”

“That would be great!” Marj practically shouted. Tweek had heard the word ‘great’ too many times. She had started to question if it was a real word anymore. Marj closed her locker door and walked off with Bridon, forgetting that Tweek was stood there, or that she was supposed to be getting a ride home with her.

Fantastic.

Tweek continued to stand there like a complete dickhead. She had to wait a while before she could walk to her car, as she would just look like a creepy stalker if she set off now. Luckily, Kyle’s locker was situated near Marj’s and he had finally emerged from his last class.

“Hey, you!” Tweek smiled at him. She had forgotten that they weren’t speaking until she saw Kyle look at her with a cautious look on his face, like he couldn’t believe she was talking to him. “I’ve missed you,” she said kindly.

They still hadn’t spoken since school started on Monday, even though they sat on the same lunch table. Tweek had wanted to talk to him but she just hadn’t found the right opportunity to do so without a dozen pairs of ears around.

Kyle’s face lit up, “I’ve missed you too.”

Tweek smiled, “How was your break?”

“Eurghh, the worst. We went to Connecticut to visit family. It was horrendous. How about you?”

Tweek shrugged, “It was okay, I guess…Ooo, I met Taylor! She is so fucking nice. You did good,” Tweek nudged Kyle on the arm affectionately.

Kyle grinned, “Yeah, Stan seems happy.”

Tweek smiled and nodded and an awkward silence descended upon them. It had never been awkward between them before and she didn’t like it.

“So, do you need a ride?”

Kyle looked at her for a moment before replying with a warm smile, “Yeah, that would be great.”

 

* * *

 

 

Craig picked Tweek up to go for a drive after his football practice. She tried not to stare at him when he was driving but he looked really sexy and she couldn’t help herself. They parked at Stark’s Pond and started making out almost immediately, with Craig hoisting her onto the driver’s seat with him. He moved his chair back so they had room but all Tweek could think about was setting the car horn off with her ass. When she was confident that her ass was no longer in the danger zone, she lost herself in the kiss, which, as usual, was fantastic. It wasn’t long before Tweek began to feel Craig’s hardening dick through his Jeans.

After a while, Craig pulled away from the kiss, panting hard, “You know you could always give me my birthday present early?”

Tweek’s stomach flipped with nerves.

“As much as losing my virginity in the back of your mustang sounds tempting, I’ll think I’ll pass,” Tweek said jokingly. Even though doing it in his car would at least spare her Egyptian cotton sheets a bloodbath. Plus Craig had leather seats, that shit would wipe right off.

“So, you’re still, um, down?” Craig said and Tweek could hear the eagerness in his voice. If he wasn’t so fucking attractive, the desperation would be a definite turn-off.

Tweek laughed nervously, ‘Down to what?’ she wanted to ask him but she knew he meant DTF, “Yeah, but, um…” She trailed off.

“But what?” Craig asked keenly. He was trying to get her to look at him but Tweek’s nerves had got the better of her and she was looking at everything but Craig.

“What, Tallulah?”

“Um,” She began, she seemed to always begin with ‘um’ around him, “I don’t know how to word this without offending you,” she said with a definite blush gracing her cheeks.

“Go on.”

She bit her lip nervously. How could she ask, ‘Do you have aids?’ in a nice way, without completely insulting him? She could ask him to play, ‘What kind of drugs are you on?’ and she could go first, listing her anxiety and depression meds and then ask him to list his, to see if any pointed to sexually transmitted diseases… wait that was a really shit and depressing game to play. It was like the grown-up version of ‘I Spy’. I spy with my little eye Xanax, Prozac and Valium.

“Okay, um. Like you’ve obviously, um, done _**it**_ before and like,” she was suddenly lost for words…what did she want to say again? Oh yeah, ‘Sorry, Craig but can you confirm that you are HIV negative because I’m HIV positive that you might have something, you fucking whore.’

“Like, you’ve done, um, **_it_** with, um, **_a lot_ ** of girls.” She was trying to look him in the eye but she found that she couldn’t maintain the eye contact for more than a second. Her eyes kept darting to different things instead, like the back seats, the pond outside the window or to Craig’s NASA t-shirt, that only he would get away with. Anyone else wearing it would be considered a dork. 

Craig cocked his head to one side, “Define ‘a lot’.”

 _You fucking define ‘a lot’_ , she thought, because her definition of ‘a lot’ was more than fucking none.

“Um, well, it’s just what I’ve heard, you know?”

Craig’s face didn’t change, “Is that a problem?”

Tweek looked taken aback. He didn’t even try to deny his promiscuous ways.

“Well…um,” She stammered. _Hang on a second pal, how fucking many girls have you had?_ Suddenly, aids, syphilis and chlamydia were the least of her worries, “Um, just how many are we talking about here?” 

Craig looked her dead in the eye, “Six.”

Six?! Fucking six?! He was only 17, Christ on a bike.

Tweek raised her eyebrows in surprise, “Oh.”

“Did you expect more or less?” Craig said seriously. For once he wasn’t smirking.

“Um, I don’t know,” Tweek said with a light shrug, although it was a lie. It was definitely more than she had anticipated. Even though she had known it had been ‘a lot’ she was hoping that was just the SPH rumour mill and it was only like 1 or 2. She wanted it to be l1 or 2 at a push… okay, she had allowed herself up to four, like, worst case scenario. Fucking six. She needed to know who they were, immediately. One of them was definitely Wendy – she knew that for sure,  but who were the other five? Tweek suddenly didn’t feel as confident about their arrangement, STDs aside… she was now going to be compared to six other girls. Six other bits, six other sets of flailing tits.

They sat in silence for a while. Craig watching Tweek, gauging her reaction.

Tweek was going through every possible scenario in her head – she would be lucky number seven, and then in a couple of months, he’d be sat here with another girl, telling her she was lucky number eight. Why did she think she was different? God, she was an idiot. They hadn’t even put a label on whatever this was between them.

“So it IS a problem, then,” Craig said after an excruciatingly long stretch of silence.

Tweek shot him a small smile, confirming her uneasiness with the discovery.

Craig sighed, “Why is it a problem?”

_Because it is, dipshit! Because you have fucked six girls, probably six virgins and I’m going to be the seventh one – not only is that just pure greed, it’s creepy as fuck._

Tweek suddenly felt quite annoyed, even though she had no right to be mad at him. But she was. She didn’t like thinking about him with other girls…the image of him and Wendy was bad enough. But now she had an additional five girls to compete with and because she didn’t know who they were or what they looked like, she had dreamt up absolute goddesses in her head, because look at Craig. Fucking look at him. He was the best looking boy in school. She should be grateful it was only six girls, not 69 girls.

“Because, it, um, it just is,” Tweek said, looking down again.

“It’s really not a big deal.”

Tweek looked up, annoyed at him for saying that, “Yeah, to you, it’s not.”

Of course, it was no big deal to Craig. Craig didn’t have any of her worries. For starters, he had had sex before. He knew what to expect. He also didn’t have to worry about bleeding everywhere, enduring the pain or wondering whether or not your performance was shit because you just led there like a corpse.

“It’s just sex, Tallulah.”

Oh, fuck you, Craig. No scrap that. Fuck off, Craig.

Tweek raised her eyebrows, “Wow, okay,” she said, looking off to the side. What a fucking asshole.

“I didn’t mean it like th-“

Tweek snapped her head back to him and furrowed her brows, “What even are we?”

Craig narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean?”

“What is this ‘thing’ we have?”

Craig sighed, “Why do we have to label it?”

_Because I need to know where I stand, Craig. I need to know that you aren’t just going to fuck me and chuck me. I actually want to call you my boyfriend, you big fuck._

“We don’t.”

“Then what’s your problem?”

What’s her problem? What’s her fucking problem!? The red mist descended upon Tweek, she was no longer nervous, she was fucking irate.

She wanted to say, _‘My problem is, Craig, that I’m about to become number seven on your shitty list, which you don’t see as a big deal. I don’t know where the fuck I stand with_ you, _if I mean anything to you at all. You’re probably going to do what everyone thinks you’re going to do and just ditch me as soon as you’ve had me, and I’ll be left used and probably with some kind of STD because your dick has covered every inch of town.’_

But she didn’t say that. She simply said, “Nothing,” in the way girls said when it was clearly not nothing, when it clearly was something.

“No, don’t do that. Talk to me,” Craig said, taking one of her hands in his.

Tweek wanted to yank her hand away. She was still seething.

“Tallulah, I um, I really like you. I thought that was obvious?”

Tweek scoffed. She wanted to hand him a dictionary and get him to look up the definition of obvious. He blew hot and cold like nobodies business. He was an obvious arsehole. That’s the only obvious thing about him.

“Well, I do. Like… a lot,” Craig continued. Tweek was still refusing to look at him, although she was happy to hear him say that. “I just want to take things slow, you know?”

Tweek turned to look at him, “Sex is slow to you?”

Craig bit back a grin, “Well, the first time it will have to be slow...”

Tweek glared at him, the smallest hint of a smile betraying her and dancing on her lips.

“Kidding! I’m kidding!” He said and Tweek hated herself a little bit because she succumbed to the smile.

“You have to get tested beforehand,” Tweek said sternly, although the smile was still evident on her face.

“Why?” Craig protested, he looked a little hurt.

“I don’t want to get aids.”

“You think I have aids?” He asked her incredulously. Tweek shrugged impassively. “Tallulah, I don’t have fucking aids.”

“How would you know? Have you been tested for it?” She asked, enjoying how flustered he had suddenly become.

“I’m always careful, like, I’ve always used protection,” Craig huffed.

“Me too,” she smiled.

Craig narrowed his eyes at her, “You’ve never had sex before.”

“Yes, well I’m starting how I mean to go on,” Tweek smiled sweetly.

Craig sighed, “I don’t have aids, Tallulah.”

“You either get tested, or you find someone else to be your lucky number seven and I’ll find someone else to be my number 1. I’m sure there are plenty of virgins still left at South Park High, you can’t have had them all, Craig,” she smiled sarcastically at him.

Craig bit his lip, to try and stop himself from smiling, “Fine. I’ll get fucking tested.”

“Oh,” Tweek said with a surprised tone to her voice.

“What?” Craig asked, clearly annoyed.

Tweek smirked, “Nothing. I just didn’t realise you were so submissive.”

Craig tried to hold his smirk back but failed miserably. It made her stomach flip in a good way.

Maybe she didn’t mind being lucky number seven after all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again apologies for this chapter. It's going to get better, I promise.
> 
> Hit me up on Tumblr if you are feeling saucy. I'm Guestswithoutbags on there too :)


	15. Bald Eagle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in 5 days, like what?!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one, it's a lot better than the last piece of shit, if we're being honest.
> 
> For the sex scene (YES - THE SEX SCENE) I've tried to go back and forth between Tweek and Craig's POV. I dunno if it worked though, but sod it, it happened.

Craig hated everything about the clinic. The stark white walls, the plastic coated cushioned seats and the ancient posters depicting the dangers of STDs, were just some of the reasons as to why he hated it. However, the soul-destroying waiting room didn’t come close to the biggest issue Craig had with the clinic. No, the main reason Craig hated going anywhere near the place was because, not only did he have to whip out his dick to a complete stranger, he also had to fucking talk to people. And Craig Tucker was not good at talking to people. Particularly to people who came in the form of the oh so judgemental forty-something receptionist.

“Hey, um,” Craig had said to the woman behind the desk before drawing a blank. The woman (who was wearing far too much make up and had horrendous hot pink acrylic nails on) stared at him unkindly before sighing very loudly and huffing a ‘Yes?!’ at him, like he was inconveniencing her.

“Good morning – Debbie,” Kenny said cheerfully, pausing so that he could read the receptionist’s name tag, “Me and my boyfriend, Craig here, would like to get tested, as we’ve been a bit naughty recently – Grindr’s a dangerous place, you know. But who am I to turn down my stunning boyfriend’s gangbang request? What the birthday boy wants, the birthday boy gets.” Kenny smacked Craig on the ass causing him to jump in alarm. Kenny flashed Debbie his signature smile and draped his arm around Craig who was holding back a smirk.

Debbie narrowed her eyes at the pair of them, “Fill these in and take a seat,” she said rudely, practically throwing two clipboards in their direction 

“Fantastic, Debbie, we will. Thank you.” Kenny withdrew his arm from Craig’s should and grabbed one of his hands, lacing their fingers together, “Come on darling, this way.” Kenny pulled Craig along back to the row of seats. It wasn’t until they were sat down that Craig yanked his hand out of Kenny’s grasp.

“Did you have to do that?” Craig asked the blonde, although he wasn’t in the slightest bit annoyed at his best friend.

“Well she had a stick so far up her ass, I thought she would be able to relate with a bit of anal imagery,” Kenny said, taking the pen and starting to fill out the form, “I’m a fucking good friend, do you know that?”

Kenny had agreed instantly to come and get tested with Craig even though there was like a zero percent chance that he had anything. He had been with Marj for nearly three years and hadn’t strayed. But Craig probably did need to get checked, it had been a couple of years since Kenny last dragged him here and he had added a few girls to his tally since then. So here Kenny was, about to have a swab shoved down his urethra just for the fucking fun of it.

Craig, who had also begun to fill in the very prying form, grinned up at the blonde, “And that’s why I love you.”

Kenny raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement. 

“Am I Caucasian, Black, Hispanic or Asian?”

Craig stopped filling in his form to look at the blonde, “Are you seriously asking me that, Kenny?”

“Well there isn’t ‘white American’?”

Craig sighed, “Caucasian, you dick.”

“Ahh fair enough.”

They carried on filling in the forms in silence. Every now and then, the sound of Debbie’s acrylic nails hitting keys on her computer keyboard would fill the room.

“You must really like her, huh?” Kenny remarked. Craig didn’t often agree to things he didn’t want to do, it usually took a lot of convincing.

Craig shrugged and Kenny took that to mean, ‘Yes. Yes I do like her.’

“So when’s the big event?”

“My birthday.”

Kenny looked up at Craig, surprise marking his face, “Wow, what do you give the boy who has everything?”

Craig smirked back at him.

“A blowjob for Christmas, sex for your birthday - she’ll probably do anal for your anniversary.” 

Craig snorted loudly and received a glare from Debbie.

“So, I’m presuming Tink’s a virgin?”

“Yep.”

Kenny grinned at his best friend, “I wouldn’t expect anything less, Craig. You’ve always like them ‘new’.”

Craig rolled his eyes. He knew the rumours about him at school but contrary to popular belief, he didn’t collect virgins. He had only taken two girls’ virginity and he was as surprised as anyone to find out that Wendy and Stan hadn’t sealed the deal before he got to her, and Holly, well, they were both 15, of course, she was going to be a virgin.

“This definitely won’t help the rumours, honey,” Kenny smiled. They had both finished filling in the forms and were waiting to be called by Debbie. Craig was tapping his pen nervously against the clipboard. “So what’s your plan?”

Craig furrowed his brows, “What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, Tink’s tiny.”

“And?”

“Well, you’re going to have to get her excited, aren’t you?”

“I know how to have sex, Kenny.”

“I’m not talking about penetration, Craig,” Kenny said loudly, hoping Debbie would hear. The receptionist glared at them and Kenny shot her a wink.

“I’m talking about going down on her, getting her nice and wet,” Kenny said in a low voice.

Craig smirked at his best friend’s vulgarity, he stopped tapping his pen on the clipboard, “We can use lube.” Tallulah seemed to have plenty of it.

“Ahh but where’s the fun in that?”

“I don’t… I don’t go down,” Craig said impassively.

“WHAT!? Why the fuck not?” Kenny all but shouted, gaining a loud shushing noise from Debbie. He held up his hands to her in an apologetic way.

“Keep your fucking voice down,” Craig hissed, “I just, don’t.”

“Dude, you’re fucking missing out. I’d do it all day every day if I could. What’s your aversion to it?”

Craig shrugged, “I just never have.”

“Well fucking start, honestly, there’s nothing hotter, dude,” Kenny said urgently. His dick twitched in his pants, remembering Marj writhing underneath him, “I swear, dude, she’ll be soaking after you do it.”

Craig shifted in his seat uncomfortably turning towards his best friend, “How do you… like, is it easy?”

“Jesus, yeah. You just like spell out the alphabet with your tongue on their clit. I usually don’t make it to ‘t’ before Marj cums.”

Craig nodded slowly. It’s not like he had never thought about doing it before. Girls just seemed to like to please him and he never really got the chance to return to the favour. He thought about doing it to Tallulah and watching her writhe with pleasure, he actually really liked the thought of it, if he was honest.

Suddenly the door to the consulting rooms opened and a nurse stepped out. She made her way over to the desk and exchanged brief words with Debbie who looked over to the two boys and pointed. The nurse smiled at them and gestured them to follow her.

“Here we go,” Kenny said, rising to his feet. He slapped his hand on Craig’s shoulder, “May the odds be ever in your favour.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So Danny and Sandy - the opening really sets the scene of how ‘in love’ you are,” Mrs Bergstein announced.

It was the first full cast rehearsal for Grease and they had all gathered in the auditorium. Mrs Bergstein wanted to block out the first act and had urged them all to start learning their lines as soon as possible.

Marj and Bridon were stood in the middle, waiting on instruction.

“Obviously, we’re going to choreograph this at a later date but just so you can get the idea, there will be a lot of hand-holding, stolen glances and you’ll end with a kiss, okay?”

Bridon raised his eyebrows at Marj eliciting a small giggle from her.

Kenny, who hadn’t really thought about Bridon at all, was suddenly very interested in the boy.

“So this will be the prelude if you will before we break into ‘Grease is the Word’,” Mrs Bergstein continued, “And that will involve the whole cast bar Sandy. Danny, you will come on about a minute into the song, when you have changed into your t-bird get up, okay?”

Bridon nodded keenly.

They carried on blocking out the first act. When it got to ‘Summer Nights’,  Kenny was ready to set fire to the rain.

Bridon was clearly a method actor and was taking the role of Danny very seriously. Kenny kept hearing him referring to Marj as Sandy, like even when they stopped for a break. He also kept touching her which Kenny was not down with.

“Something wrong, hun?” Bebe said to Kenny, snapping him out of his trance. He was staring at Bridon and hadn’t realised he was doing it.

Kenny smiled at her, “Nope, all good.”

“He’s very attractive, isn’t he?” Bebe looked to where Kenny had been staring and shot him an innocent grin.

“Is he?” Kenny said, his voice laced with jealousy.

“Well, duh! I wouldn’t kick him out of bed!” Bebe chuckled.

 _No, because you’re a whore_ , Kenny thought.

“Oh my god, are you talking about Bridon?” Leslie Meyers and Heidi Turner had sidled up to them, “He’s like, wow! You know?” Leslie breathed dreamily.

Kenny shot them a tight-lipped smile. He was used to girls fawning over Craig and him. It’s not that he cared if there was another good looking guy, it’s the fact that said guy was currently making his girlfriend giggle in the way that she usually reserved for him.

“Marj is a lucky girl!” Heidi sighed.

Bebe nudged Kenny’s arm playfully. He kept the tight smile on his face, trying to give off an air of not giving a shit, however, Bebe was looking at him, like she could see right through him.

“Of course she is!” Bebe said, “She has Kenny for a boyfriend.”

Bebe winked cheekily at Kenny.

“Oh, yeah! Like obviously!” Heidi corrected herself. It annoyed Kenny how people often forgot he and Marj were an item and had been since 10thgrade.

They all stopped to watch Marj and Bridon interact. Bridon had begun slow dancing with Marj, who had her hands around his neck. He seemed to be coming up with different ideas for their ‘big opening’. Kenny scowled.

“What I wouldn’t give to swap places with her,” Monica Ryland had joined the group of thirsty bitches who had taken it upon themselves to eye-fuck Bridon.

All the girls sighed in agreement. All except Bebe who seemed to be grinning like all her Christmases had come at once.

“So remember, I want you off Scripts by the first week of February!” Mrs Bergstein shouted.

Kenny watched as Bridon said something to Marj which caused her to nod her head like a Thunderbird. Fuck this. He stormed over to where they were stood.

“Hey, babe,” he said pulling Marj into a tight embrace and planting a deep kiss on her lips, marking his territory.

Marj blushed and pulled away, “Ken, there’s teachers!”

“I’m sorry, you just look even more beautiful than you normally do,” Kenny laid on the charm thick and heavy. He turned and shot Bridon a cheesy grin. A grin that said, 'fuck off, pal'.

Bridon smiled back at Kenny before turning to Marj, “I’ll see you later on, Sandy!” He said with a wink. A fucking wink.

Marj giggled, “Bye, Danny!”

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

“Danny? Seriously?” Kenny mocked.

“Da-Bridon thinks it’s important for us to get into character if we call each other by our character names.”

_I bet he fucking does. Has he also suggested that you suck his dick to find out if you have chemistry or not?_

“That’s gay,” Kenny smirked. He was being cruel because he was jealous. He had never been jealous before and he didn’t know how to handle it.

Marj’s face fell and she shrugged lightly, “Oh, I thought it was a cute idea.”

Kenny snorted, “Whatever.”

  

* * *

 

 

“He acts, sings and dances, and he’s the star of the basketball team,” Kenny huffed.  He had thrown himself down into his usual seat in the cafeteria, still pent up after the previous evening’s rehearsal. “Honestly, the girls are frothing at the gash for him.”

Token looked up from his iPad to give Kenny a warning look. Craig thought it was ‘frothing at the gash’ comment that had done it. Token, unlike Kenny, did not use vulgar language. He was somewhat of a proper gentleman, even if it was only the guys at the table.

“Is Number 2 feeling threatened?” Clyde asked gleefully. Craig could tell that he was living for the turn of events. 

Kenny snorted, “As if, it’s just, you know, it’s just…” he paused trying to come up with an excuse, “I don’t fucking know what it is!”

It took a lot to get Kenny worked up. Craig assumed something had happened between Marj and Bridon.

Craig proceeded with caution, “Does she have to kiss him then?”

“Yep,” Kenny said sharply and shortly. Craig could tell it was getting to him. He didn’t know how Kenny was so cool about it. If Tallulah was in the play and had to kiss someone, he’d punch them in the face – and they weren’t even a proper item. Kenny and Marj were like, practically married.

“It’s not nice, is it, Kenny?” Clyde grinned.

Craig had already heard him whine incessantly about Bebe and Kenny. ‘Craig, you don’t understand! They have to kiss, Craig!’ he had all but sobbed to him. Craig couldn’t help but feel sorry for Clyde, it was obvious that Bebe still liked the blonde and no amount of reassuring would tell Clyde differently. At least the show would be good - there would be no way that Bebe would be acting in her kissing scenes. Craig wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to whip Kenny’s cock out on stage too. Actually, that would probably make the show a lot better.

“Look, Clyde,” Kenny began, slamming his can of soda on the table, “It’s called fucking acting, alright?”

“Then why are you bothered?” Clyde smirked. Craig could tell that in his head he was thinking, ‘check mate’, ‘bingo’, ‘I’ve sunk your battleship’ and ‘game, set and match’ all at the same time.

“I’m not fucking bothered!” Kenny said loudly, indicating that he was, in fact, ‘fucking bothered’.

“They seem to get on well,” Stan spoke up. He had started sitting with them again at lunch, spouting that he couldn’t bear to listen to Kevin talk about Star Trek anymore.

“How would you know?” Kenny scoffed.

“Because I’m looking at them now and they seem to be getting on,” Stan replied impassively.

Kenny and Craig whipped their head’s around to follow Stan’s line of vision. On a table at the far side of the cafeteria sat Marj and Bridon. They had their scripts open and seemed to be going through their lines as they ate their lunch. Marj was obviously concentrating but Bridon seemed more interested in looking at her. The fucking prick, Craig thought. All of a sudden, Craig felt very protective of his best friend and it took him all his restraint to keep seated. Coach would kill them if they got into another fight, particularly before the finals. He couldn’t afford to be suspended again. Not that it happened a lot…twice a year at a push…and it wasn’t always for fighting. The last time he and Kenny had been sat in the principal’s office, it was because they had gotten blind drunk, stolen a golf cart and thought it would be a good idea to drive it around the school grounds. When Kenny had accidentally shot it forward instead of reversing it, they had managed to break a chain link fence and tear up half of the beloved football field. Not only had their stupidity prompted a full week suspension, they had also endured 6 months of extra press-ups, laps and squats, whilst the rest of their team was allowed to hit the showers. Although, Craig did think the extra workouts were one of the main reasons him and Kenny had been voted 1 and 2 that year.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kenny seethed. Craig wasn’t used to seeing him angry. The last time had been at Token’s party when Tallulah had almost been assaulted. He was usually so calm and collected with a permanent cheeky grin on his face.

Craig put a hand on his shoulder, like Kenny often did to him. It always calmed him down and he hoped it had the same effect on the blonde.

“They’re just reading their scripts, Kenny. It’s called acting,” Clyde chirped up. 

Craig felt Kenny tense underneath his hand. He was glaring at Bridon with a look of pure hatred in his eyes. 

“Fuck off, Clyde.”

 

* * *

 

 

Tweek was sat in one of her gaming chairs, playing Super Mario Galaxy when Craig’s message pinged through.

 **Craig 7.33pm:** So I got the results back…

She smiled at the message – True to his word, he had done what she had asked. Although, she couldn’t quite believe how quickly Craig had acted. 

 **Tallulah 7.34pm:** And?

 **Craig 7.34pm:** You were right, I have aids x

 **Tallulah 7.35pm:** And you say my jokes are bad x

 **Craig 7.35pm:** Your jokes are bad x

 **Tallulah 7.35pm:** So, do you have proof? X

 **Craig 7.36pm:** …what? You want like a certificate or something? x

 **Tweek 7.36pm:** Yes please, with a watermark x

 **Craig 7.37pm:** I just got a phone call? x

 **Tweek 7.37pm:** I was joking, Craig x

 

Craig sent the blank face emoji back to her.

 

 **Craig 7.38pm:** So, are you still up for it? x

 **Tweek 7.38pm:** Hmmm, no. I’ve changed my mind x

 

Craig sent the blank face emoji again.

 

Tweek giggled – for once, Craig had actually picked up on one of her jokes. She was surprisingly confident in their text exchanges. It was probably because she didn’t have to look at his stunning face which caused her brain to fall out of her arse.

 

 **Tweek 7.39pm:** Kidding! Just kidding. Yes, I am still down to fuck. X

 

Yes, she had said fuck, not fornicate or coitus. She felt her cheeks flush. Ooo what a minx she was.

 

 **Craig 7.40pm:** Cool x

Cool? Was that it? She deserved more than ‘cool’ at stating that she was DTF! Unless he was trying to keep his ‘cool’ and not come across as too desperate.

Too late, Tallulah thought. His eager clinic visit had dropped him right in it. It was obvious - he was desperate to fuck her.

They had a week to go before his birthday and she had thought about nothing else other than the impending sexy times. She had gone through all possible scenarios in her head from worst case to best case. The best case would be that it didn’t hurt at all, she wouldn’t bleed and Craig would wear his hair down, so she could feel the fucking fantasy. The worst case…well she didn’t like thinking about that, as it involved pain, buckets of blood and surround sound queefs.

Nah, it was best if she thought about the best case scenario.

 **Tweek 7.40pm:** But I have a request x.

 **Craig 7.41pm:**?

 **Tweek 7.41pm:** Can you wear your hair down? X

Tweek cringed hard and threw her phone away from her, not daring to look at his reply. She couldn’t believe she had the gall to fucking ask him that – oh Jesus, he was definitely going to laugh at her.

 **Craig 7.42pm:** Ok x

Tweek retrieved her phone from the carpet when the message pinged through. She had expected him to accompany his reply with a sarcastic comment but no, it was simply ‘ok’. Ok, he was going to wear his hair down. Jackpot.

 **Craig 7.43pm:** If you keep the shoes on x

Tweek smirked – so he did have a fetish for her heels after all.

 **Tweek 7.44pm:** Deal x

 

* * *

 

She dragged Marj to Denver with her on Saturday, telling her mom that they would be going shopping together. Rather than hurting her feelings, Tweek’s mom was ecstatic that her daughter was doing normal teenage things for once. She told Tweek to treat Marj to lunch and to make sure she bought her anything she wanted.

 _Oh yeah mom, what if she wants a Rolex, is that cool?_ Tweek thought. But she was happy that her mom had suggested the gesture. She wanted to treat Marj, as Marj was helping her out of a sticky situation that came in the form of choosing what lingerie she should wear for her first fuck.

Tweek made Marj wait in the coffee shop while she was with Dr Fielding. She really wasn’t in the mood to talk and was grateful when the agonisingly-long hour was up. Dr Fielding knew something was on her mind and kept pressing for Tweek to tell her but Tweek just tried to play it off as nerves for the fast approaching exams and her confusion over what she would do after high school. As usual, Fielding saw straight through her but not even her awkward silent stares could crack Tweek today. She had already told her about the sex dream, she really didn’t want her to also know that she had set a date to get her front door smashed in.

As soon as the hour was up, Tweek practically sprinted from the buildings, flying down the sidewalk towards the Tweek Coffee store her and her mom always met up at. She wasn’t at all surprised to find her mom sat with Marj; she knew that she wouldn’t be able to resist an hour trying to pry information out of her best friend for a glimpse into her daughter’s life. She hoped that Marj hadn’t cracked but then she saw all the empty plates and cups, and knew that her mom had probably bribed her with baked goods and hot chocolates.

“Hey,” Tweek greeted them with an apologetic smile to Marj.

“Lulu!” Tweek’s mom shouted, jumping to her feet to give Tweek a bone-crushing hug. Tweek noticed that Marj grimaced at her apologetically. _Oh no, what have you done?_ Tweek thought.

“So, darling, Marj has told me all about Craig’s birthday and I’ve booked you both into the Royal Middlebrook spa at 4pm,” Tweek’s mom said sweetly. 

“A spa, what for?” Tweek asked manically. Just WHAT had Marj said?

“For a manicure, pedicure, massage and,” she paused and dropped her voice to a whisper, “A wax.”

Tweek’s eyes widened. So Marj had told her everything. She was about to ask, ‘A wax for what’ but she knew better than to provoke her mom. It would definitely be for her legs and bikini line, no doubt. If she acknowledged it, her mom would probably launch into her warnings of safe words and teenage pregnancies. 

“Thanks, Mom,” Tweek forced a smile to her face.

“Darling, don’t mention it. Just tell Suzi you want the ‘bald eagle’, she’ll know what you mean,” Tweek’s mom said with a wink.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

“Great, cool. Yeah. Thanks,” Tweek had suddenly become flustered. Bikini wax it was.

“Marjorine wants the same thing, don’t you dear?” Tweek’s mom turned to Marj with a wink.

“Oh yes, Mrs Tweek,” she smiled gratefully.

Tweek just stared at Marj in disbelief. Honestly. She was waiting for the day for someone to yell ‘cut’ and for all the actors and cameramen to emerge around her. She had to be being filmed or something.

“Right darlings, I have to dash. Marjorine, don’t forget to visit that store I told you about, okay?”

“Yes, Mrs Tweek.”

“And darling,” Mrs Tweek turned to her daughter, “I’ll probably see you before the big day but if I don’t, just remember to lie back and think of England!”

Tweek closed her eyes in embarrassment.

Fuck her fucking life.

 

* * *

 

 

“Well, Marj, I can’t thank you enough for informing my mom about Craig’s penis penetrating my vagina.”

They were walking towards the mall, having left Tweek Coffee shortly after Tweek’s mom had.

“You don’t understand how persuasive your mom can be!” Marj protested.

Tweek rolled her eyes. She knew exactly how persuasive her mom could be. She had Tweek’s dad wrapped around her little finger.

“Do you know how lucky you are to have such a cool mom?” Marj continued. Tweek knew how strict Marj’s parents were but honestly, she didn’t know if that was better than having ‘ask for the bald eagle’ for a mom.

“I can’t even talk to my mom about periods! Honestly, I’d much rather have a mom like yours.”

“You say this,” Tweek began but stopped, thinking about all the shit her mom did for her. She was a rather good mom. “Where did she tell you to take me then?”

“It’s called Le Chateaux du Femmes, your mom said it’s an upscale lingerie store.”

“Fair enough,” Tweek said. She was secretly grateful for her mom recommending a place to Marj. She was just going to go to Victoria’s Secret and hope that the store assistants could point her in a sexy direction.

They made their way to the store, using Google Maps. It wasn’t that far from the mall, and Tweek recognised the street as the start of the upscale stores her and her mom frequented regularly. Well, she had never taken her to Le Chateaux before.

The storefront had several mannequins in the window posed provocatively and wearing masks, giving off a masquerade ball kind of feel.

The delicate bell chimed as they entered the dimly lit store which smelled very strongly of thick perfume. Tweek was relieved to see that they weren’t the only ones in there, at that would have added to what would be a fucking awkward event.

“Good afternoon, ladies – how may I help you.” A very good looking and clearly gay man approached them. Well, Tweek thought he was gay….she hoped he was gay or this was going to be even more horrendous than it needed to be.

“Hello!” Marj beamed at him, “We’re looking for some lingerie that screams ‘it may be my first time but I am definitely down to fuck’.”

Tweek’s jaw almost hit the floor as she snapped her head to gawk at her friend, “Jesus Christ, Marj!” She was even more surprised that the assistant didn’t bat an eyelid at Marj’s choice of ‘down to fuck’. 

“Absolutely!” The man cooed, ignoring Tweek’s mortification, “So are we thinking a two-piece, one piece, or the full works?” He said excitedly. 

Tweek furrowed her eyebrows at him, “Um?” 

_What the fuck was the full works?_

“I was thinking, a one piece for her? Something low cut and easy to take off?” Marj continued.

Tweek stood there like a fucking moron, as the sales assistant and her best friend decided what garment would look best on her for when she got metaphorically and physically fucked.

“Perfect! One pieces definitely give off the virgin vibe! Are we thinking lace, mesh, silk or satin?” The sales assistant continued. He was using his hands a hell of a lot and Tweek’s head kept following them. They were hypnotic.

“Mmmm, satin screams first time but I’m thinking lace, what do you think?” Marj said.

Tweek thought she was talking to her and was about to reply when the sales assistant beat her to it.

“Definitely lace! It looks so much better on, believe me!”

And Marj did because she smiled and nodded, “Perfect!”

Tweek started thinking of him in a lacy number but before she could get lost in her thoughts, Marj was ushering her into a changing room to try on different one pieces that she and the sales assistant, who they found out was called Luke, had picked out for her. Every time she emerged from the cubicle, she was subjected to their harsh critique… She felt like a fucking blow up doll.

“Definitely better than the last one but it’s still not giving me wow! You know?” Luke said to Marj. They were both sat crossed legged on the red velvet waiting sofa, talking like they had known each other forever.

“Mmm,” Marj agreed, “I want Craig to cum in his pants at the sight of her – Next!” she shouted, indicating that Tweek needed to go and change into the next piece.

Back in the cubical, Tweek slipped on what must have been the 8thcreation. They all had those gross plastic stickers coating where the vagina would rub and she couldn’t stop thinking about how many vulvas had been there before hers. She’d be fuming if she caught herpes from a god damn slit sticker.

The cubical had a mirror inside and she knew instantly that this was the one, it was an halter-neck creation that had silk ties to create a delicate bow behind the neck. The front was very low cut, resting over each boob perfectly, and the bottom half looked like a delicate pair of almost see-through panties. Tweek turned around so that she could get a look at what her ass looked like in it and gasped. It was ass-less. Like where the material was supposed to cover the ass, there was none. Instead, there was a bit of string that went up her bumhole and attached at the waistline. Oo er. Not that she was complaining or anything - her ass looked really good.

When she stepped out, Luke and Marj gasped comically in unison.

“Oh, yes!” Luke exclaimed.

“That’s the one!” Marj agreed.

Tweek stood there smiling like an idiot. She grabbed a hold of the price tag and couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows in alarm. $200 for a bit of fucking lace. Jesus Christ, at least Dick Turpin wore a mask.

“Craig is one lucky boy!” Luke squeeled, like he knew Craig on a personal level.

Tweek changed out of the lingerie and was about to pay until she saw Marj lurking by a mannequin that was wearing nipple tassels, a thong, garter and suspenders.

“You like it?” Tweek smiled.

Marj blushed hard, “I do, I think Kenny would love it. But it’s $240! 

Tweek cocked her head. Her mom did say she was supposed to treat Marj and she had recommended the store after all. “Luke?” Tweek called out.

“Yes, darling?”

“We’ll take this as well,” Tweek smiled, pointing to the ensemble and handing over her black American Express card.

 

* * *

 

 

They had a quick lunch before heading to the spa. Marj said she couldn’t possibly eat a thing, after Tweek’s mom had plowed her with pastries and thick, rich hot chocolates. However, that didn’t stop her devouring her own box of noodles and trying some of Tweek’s too.

When they got to the spa they were asked what order they wanted their treatments in. Tweek practically screamed that they would have the wax last and the receptionist smiled, handing them two robes and instructing them to slip them on, once they had removed their own clothes. They had a giggling fit in the changing room, as they realised that they had to be naked under them. Marj gave zero shits and stripped quickly jiggling her tits at Tweek and gaining a funny look from two old women who just happened to walk in mid-jiggle.

They started with having their nails done before moving onto the massage. Tweek couldn’t relax though - the thought of hot wax going anywhere near her flaps was giving her palpitations. Marj seemed to be enjoying the massage a little too much, as she fell asleep halfway through, drooling excessively and Tweek had to wake her up when the session was over. 

Unfortunately, the time came where Tweek couldn’t avoid the bald eagle anymore and when Suzi came out of the treatment room and beckoned them to follow her, Tweek’s legs turned to jelly. 

“Does it hurt?” She pleaded with Marj.

Marj laughed, “How the fuck should I know?”

“What!? But I thought…oh for fuck’s sake, you’re going first.” Tweek huffed.

Marj lay down on the bed and Suzi began with the leg wax. Seeing her best friend go through it was not the smartest idea Tweek had ever had. Marj was pulling comically painful faces that screamed, ‘this is so much worse than I expected’ and Tweek started to shit her pants with nerves. When Suzi got to the vagina wax, Marj was red in the face, sweating up a storm. She was not a good advert for waxing.

However, after the first few strips, Marj seemed to grown accustomed to the feeling and only slightly winced after every rip. 

Tweek had been horrified to learn that the bald eagle translated to fucking alopecia.

Literally, there wasn’t a hair left – she’d even waxed Marj’s bumhole for the fun of it.

“It’s not that bad, honestly,”Marj said, when Suzi had finally finished with her.

Tweek nervously swapped places with Marj and immediately scrunched her eyes shut.

The leg wax wasn’t bad at all and she made a mental note to call Marj a pussy later on. However, the bikini waxing was horrendous. Tweek wanted to ask Suzi if she needed to hold her flaps or anything, as they had a horrid image of them coming off with the wax strip but she didn't know how to word it without looking like a complete nob jockey, so she just kept quiet and hoped her flaps would remain intact. 

Marj tried to reassure her that the pain was worse than losing your virginity which gained a chuckle from Suzi.

“If you can handle this, you can handle Craig’s penis!” Marj had said, far too loudly.

Tweek opened her eyes to shoot her a glare. Suzi and her mom seemed to be on first-name terms with each other, and she didn’t need her mom finding out anything more than she already knew. 

When it was finally over, they were the proud owners of bald eagle vageens. There wasn’t a pube in sight. Suzi had also ensured that Tweek's bumhole had got a good seeing too much to her dismay.

“Why do you call it the bald eagle?” Marj asked Suzi, as she was putting away the wax. Tweek was still admiring Suzi’s handiwork – her vageen suddenly felt very cold and tender. Like she could feel the robe brushing against her downstairs skin.

“Well the bald part is pretty self-explanatory,” Suzi smiled, “And the eagle, well a woman has labia which looks like wings when it’s spread open, don't you think?"

Tweek pulled a horrified face. That was the worst description she had ever heard. Fucking labia. Eurgh.

Marj grinned and nodded, “Oh my god, that is so clever!”

 _Was it?_ Tweek would have probably called it the naked molerat.

 

* * *

 

 

They had gone out for dinner to celebrate Craig’s birthday. He had chosen the small Italian joint in town that he always chose. It was one of his favourite places to eat, having overtaken his love for Whistlin’ Willies when he turned 13. However, this year, Craig had requested that they eat earlier than they usually did - he had business to attend to and what not.

“So, son. What are your plans for tonight then?” His dad asked him. It was uncharacteristic for Craig to change their routine. He was a creature of habit after all. 

“Um, I’m seeing Tallulah."

“Ahhh,” Craig’s dad nodded in understanding.

“Do you think she’s got you a present?” Kenny grinned cheekily. Just like Christmas, Kenny and Karen were there to celebrate with their extended family.

“Um, I don’t know.” Craig shot Kenny a warning look. The blonde loved to wind him up.

“I bet she has! What do you think it is?” Kenny continued, well aware that both Thomas and Laura were listening intently.

“Um, probably clothes or something,” Craig shrugged. He knew Kenny was going to start making innuendos any time soon and had tried to pick something inoffensive like clothing, to stop his best friend in his tracks.

“Clothing, huh? But does she know your size? You’re a big lad, Craig,” Kenny said with mock concern.

Oh fuck. Craig had walked straight into it.

“Um, I dunno." 

“Gosh. What if it’s too tight and it doesn’t fit?” Kenny continued. Thomas was biting back a smirk but Laura was none the wiser.

“Well, he can always take it back,” his mom said innocently.

Kenny grinned wickedly and Thomas chuckled.

“Ooo, I don’t think you can return this, Laura,” Kenny said solemly. 

Craig glared at him.

“Of course you can! If she’s kept the receipt!"

“Not for damaged goods you can’t,” Kenny sighed.

“Why’s it damaged, she’s not even given it to him yet.”

It was at that statement that Kenny and Thomas finally lost it and begun laughing hard. Even Craig let himself smile at his mother’s innocence.

She would definitely be giving it to him.

 

* * *

 

Craig probably broke every speed limit that South Park had, racing to Tallulah’s house. He smiled at the security guard who opened the electric gates for him without a word. He had been there a fair few times and had become known to Larry who would raise his hand to him in acknowledgment. He zoomed up Tallulah’s drive and threw his car behind her cherry red mini.

“Hey,” he said as Tallulah opened the door. She was wearing black skinny jeans, a plain black t-shirt and vans. His exact outfit…well apart from his blue hoody.

She smiled up at him, “Happy Birthday,” she said, standing on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek. He really liked it when she did that for some reason. It like, made his stomach flip and shit.

“Thanks,” he smiled.

“So…” Tallulah began. They were lurking in her hallway and Craig was waiting for her to lead him upstairs like every other time, “Should we?”

She seemed really nervous and Craig wanted to make sure that she enjoyed this, as much as he would, so he reached out and grabbed her visibly shaking hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Yeah,” he said, bending down to kiss her on the lips. He watched as her cheeks flushed a light pink colour.

“Okay,” Tallulah said nervously, taking him and leading him upstairs to her room. The light was off and she had lit a couple of candles, which were giving off a really nice aroma, like how Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch smelled. Craig also noticed there was music playing softly in the background. She had really tried to set the mood, it made his heart ache a little bit 

Craig shook his hoodie off and threw it over her desk chair, joining her on the bed and capturing her lips as soon as he sat down.

They made out for a while which made Craig nice and hard. Tallulah had the ability to turn him on without even trying to. However, it also helped that he knew sex was on the cards, he’d had a semi since he got in his car. He couldn’t wait to fuck her and was about to start undressing her when she pulled away from him, breathing hard.

“Um, I’m just gonna go and um…I’ll be back okay?” She said, doing that thing she did when she tried to maintain eye contact but couldn’t

Craig nodded at her and watched as she rose from the bed, heading to her bathroom. She paused at the door and turned her head back to him, “Um, so, you can like…strip or whatever,” she said, with as much confidence as she could muster. Craig’s eyes widened at her as she hurried into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, escaping his gaze.

 

 

Tweek had just closed the door to the bathroom, psyching herself up for what was about to happen. Her heart was beating furiously in her chest. She looked in the mirror, grabbing the sides of her sink to steady herself, ‘You can do this,’ she said to her own reflection.

Because she could do this and she wanted to do this.

She had spent the day preparing for this. She had showered for an hour for this. She had curled her hair and put makeup on for this. She had even painstakingly made a fucking spotify playlist for this. A playlist that would not cause any embarrassment what-so-fucking ever. There would be no trace of the Macarena or Cotton Eyed Joe or any other 90s tune that could ruin her life and make Craig thrust to the beat. The playlist was mostly made up of instrumental or light classical tunes, that she hoped would create a nice background noise, over the wet slapping sounds and possible queefs. Even though Marj had told her there was a slim chance of that happening, you could never be too careful.

She quickly changed into the piece of lingerie she had bought with Marj, lobbing her discarded clothes into her wash basket. She slipped on some thigh high stockings that Luke had persuaded her to buy, and finished the look with the stilettoes that Craig had commented on. She probably stared at herself for far too long in the mirror,  but she just wanted to make sure that she looked okay. 

Tweek had to admit, she did look sexy. The bodice she had chosen was cut so that her ass was fully out, with only a string in place, not that the rest of her was covered up by any means. It was lace and see-through. You could definitely see her nipples and where her, you-know-what started. She may as well be naked…well she would be naked pretty soon anyway.

Fuck. This was it.

 

  

Craig wasted no time in doing what Tallulah asked, shedding his clothing eagerly – he was secretly grateful that Tallulah wasn’t there to watch him get out of his god damn skinny jeans that are a fucking pain in the ass to get out of – he nearly biffed it, twice trying to get the fuckers over his ankles. He had vowed to wear sweat pants, the next time he and Tallulah fooled around but his shallowness prevented him from doing so - he knew he looked good in skinny jeans.

He kept his boxers on and positioned himself on the bed, trying his best to look as seductive as possible. He remembered their text conversation about the ‘big event’ as Kenny had called it, and pulled his hair tie out, letting his locks fall down, as that was one of her requests. That’s how special Tallulah was to him…like, he wouldn’t just do this for any girl. He had to wait another ten minutes before Tallulah emerged from the bathroom but when she finally did he realised it was worth the wait.

Craig’s eyes almost fell out of his skull.

She was wearing a lacy and practically see-through, low cut one piece with thigh-high stockings and the stilettoes that she promised she’d keep on for him. Even though Craig didn’t really say too much anyway, he was still rendered absolutely speechless at the sight of her.

 

 

Tweek couldn’t help but let out a low gasp when she emerged from the bathroom. Craig was lying on her bed in just his boxers with his hair down. It was the hottest thing she had ever seen. She wanted the image tattooed on her eyelids, so that it would be there forever. Fuck.

She nervously made her way over to him, step by step. She could hear her pulse pounding in her ears, and although, she tried to give off an air of confidence, she couldn’t help but hold her arm with her other hand, protecting her chest from Craig’s lustful gaze. She stopped about a foot away from the bed, unsure of her next movements. 

 

“Hey, come here,” Craig said, sitting up and patting the bed next to him.

Tallulah complied, dropping her arms from her chest and sitting closely next to him.

Craig gently put one of his hands to her face and turned it towards him, “You okay?” he asked her softly searching her eyes to try and see how she was feeling.

Tallulah nodded at him, although she was shaking. Craig brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and planted a soft kiss on her lips, “Look, Tallulah, we don’t have to do it if you’re not ready,” he said but he really didn’t fucking mean it. He was desperate to have her.

 

Tweek snapped her head back to him, “No! I want to!” she said, possibly too eagerly. She was having déjà vu – hadn’t they said the same things to each other on the night of the blow job? Yes, she was nervous but it was just first time jitters, that was all. Plus, if she didn’t do it now, she never would. It was now or never, as Bon Jovi once said…but he probably wasn’t referring to popping one’s cherry.

 

Craig smiled at her words, she definitely seemed down to fuck, “Oh good, because you look incredible.” His words caused Tallulah to blush hard and when he leaned in for another kiss, she complied although somewhat shyly.

Craig managed to keep his hands to himself for all of five minutes before they were clawing at her chest, running his thumbs over her erect nipples and gaining a soft moan from the petite blonde.

They were still sat up and Craig knew he needed to take charge if they were going to make any progress. Without a second thought, he hoisted Tallulah onto his lap and then flipped her over in one fell swoop, so that she was under him.

  

Tweek didn’t realise how much she liked being manhandled. Craig could pick her up as though she was a ragdoll and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t turn her on. She was on her back on the bed with Craig on top of her, which is probably how she would remain until the event was over. How long was sex supposed to last anyway? Was there a set time or like an average duration or something?

They carried on making out and Tweek almost forgot about the impending destruction of her hymen. It wasn’t until Craig rolled his hips into her and she felt the monster dick that she remembered what they were about to do.

Of course. The sex. 

Tweek really needed to lose the shoes, as they were getting in the way. Every time she tried to shift, the heel would snag in the bed sheets – they definitely weren’t practical for a first time fuck. No, they weren’t the kind of shoes that screamed ‘losing your virginity’. They were birthday sex shoes but birthday sex 'when I’m not going to bleed all over the show', shoes. She eventually kicked them off, gaining a soft whine from Craig into her mouth. She pulled away from him.

“Look, I know I promised I’d keep them on but, um, they’ll get in the way,” Tweek said sheepishly. She hoped that Craig would get the hint that she wanted to be under the covers to conceal some of her modesty. She wasn’t up for on top of the sheets fucking… Like, he would see everything.

 

 

Craig smiled at her. There was something else that was getting in the way and he needed it gone ASAP. He started to undress Tallulah even though he really liked the sight of her in the one piece. Unfortunately, it didn’t give him the access he needed, so it had to go. It was an halter-neck creation which Tallulah had tied in a delicate bow behind her neck. It took Craig one gentle tug before coming undone and he gently slipped it down, past Tallulah’s chest and all the way down to her hips, pausing briefly for any sign that Tallulah wasn’t okay with what he was doing. When she didn’t protest, he carried on, slipping the garment further down. She lifted up her ass to make it easier for him and soon, she was completely naked under him, with only the thigh-high stockings remaining. Craig could have cum in his pants there and then.

 

 

So much for no on top of the sheets fucking. Tweek’s heart felt like it was going to explode in her chest. She was stark bollock naked and about to be plowed by the most attractive boy she had ever seen. Craig seemed to be drinking in her body and she was suddenly so self-conscious, she wanted to punch him in the face and dive under her sheets. Her nerves had definitely gotten the better of her and without thinking, she blurted out, “Do you want me to put the condom on? I can do it with my mouth, my mom showed me how.”

 

 

Woah, woah, woah, sweet child of mine, Craig thought. The night is young and he had to get her ‘nice and wet’ as Kenny had bluntly put it, before he could fuck her. He strategically ignored the comment about her mom and the condom – he knew Tallulah had a habit of blurting things out when she was nervous. Instead, he decided to save it to use as ammunition later on and filed it away with the rest of the weird shit Tallulah says or does. 

After staring at her body for a prolonged period of time, Craig started planting kisses on her chest, taking great pleasure at being able to bury his face in her small but perky tits, and working his way down, stopping just before he reached her intimate area.

 

 

Tweek was about to pass out. Not only was she naked but Craig had kissed her all over and was now positioned between her thighs, his head inches away from her vageen. She hadn’t agreed to this. They hadn’t discussed this part. Thank fuck for the bald eagle and thank god for Femfresh. Maybe he just wanted to look at it? Like, to see if their biology textbook was accurate or something. Wait, he had done this with other girls, what if he was comparing size and shape – was hers okay looking?  Oh god, what if she was abnormal? Was he going to look up and tell her ‘no dice’ and leave? She’d be known as Tweek with the dodgy twat for the rest of her life.

 

 

Tallulah’s pussy was better than Craig had imagined. He knew it would be small but it was like a porn star’s pussy, very neat, pink and most importantly, smooth. Craig bit the bullet so to speak and gave Tallulah’s clit a tentative lick before following Kenny’s advice and spelling out the alphabet with his tongue painfully slowly. Tallulah tasted sweet, like vanilla, it wasn’t an unpleasant taste at all, not like he thought eating pussy would taste like. As Tallulah’s hips bucked violently at his touch, he placed his hands on them, holding her down as he went to work.

 

 

Tweek almost flew off the bed at the first lick. She had always fantasised about being eaten out but she didn’t realise how good it would feel. Craig’s tongue was swirling around her clit slowly and gently, and the pleasure in her groin was rapidly building up - she wasn’t going to last long. Her hips were acting on their own volition and she was grateful of Craig’s hands on her hipbone, forcing her down.

“Fuck!” She breathed, gripping her sheets hard to try and ground herself.

 

 

Craig’s dick twitched in his boxers, he had never ever heard anything sexier in his life. He never wanted it to end and understood what Kenny meant now – he could happily do this all day every day. He could feel Tallulah writhing underneath him and stretching her legs and knew whatever he was doing was working.

 

 

It feels so fucking good that Tweek doesn’t fucking care that she’s stark bollock naked or that Craig’s face is full of her. She doesn’t want him to stop – she’s on the edge of a fucking good orgasm and she desperately wants to cum. It was definitely different from diddling yourself.

A few more licks is all it takes for Tweek to explode beneath him. The pressure in her groin finally breaks, her toes curl and she cries out, “Craig, fuck!” as her orgasm takes over her body. It’s incredible, mind-blowing and earth-shattering all at once.

 

 

Craig realises he has never made a girl cum before until now. Every girl he had slept with would make the porn star noises when they fucked but this, this was something else. The noises Tallulah was making were so much better than the fake shit, it was music to his ears. She was breathing hard and making soft moaning sounds and he knew it was genuine. Her legs were violently shaking and he couldn’t but feel a bit proud of himself for causing such a reaction.

 

 

Fuck. It’s one of the best orgasms she’s ever had.  Tweek rides out the waves of pleasure, breathing heavily and moaning softly. She probably sounds like a fucking idiot but she doesn’t care. When she finally comes down from her euphoric high, Craig is still licking her clit which has suddenly become so sensitive that she needs him to get the fuck off right this second before she knees him in the face. She jolted back away from him and let out a nervous giggle.

“That was, um, wow,” she says, flushing crimson. She can’t believe Craig had just done that to her. Like…what?  The self-conscious feeling suddenly comes back with a vengeance and takes over Tweek - she really wishes she was under the sheets now.

 

 

Craig took the hint to stop when Tallulah jolted away from him. He was unbelievably turned on and his neglected dick really needed to find its release. He lent over to the nightstand and opened the drawer, extracting a random condom out and tearing the packet with his teeth. He almost asked Tallulah if he could take her up on her offer of putting it on with her mouth but he didn’t want to embarrass her anymore, she seemed to have reverted back to being a nervous wreck.

“Get under the covers,” he said softly. He realised that he should have probably done that before. She was completely naked and he still had his underwear on. She probably felt vulnerable and shit.

 

 

Tweek practically dived under the sheets at Craig’s request, silently praising Jesus that she would be able to be covered.  Craig got under the covers with her and whipped his boxers off which she didn’t think was very fair. She had been fucking stripped by him, he should have at least had to endure the same treatment… she would have probably fucked it up anyway…and, actually, this way, she didn’t have to look at the monster dick that was about to split her in half.

She couldn’t bring herself to watch Craig put on the condom, as it just seemed like something she shouldn’t watch. There was something undignified about slipping over a cock sock on your painfully erect dick that made her embarrassed but she didn’t know why.

“Are you ready?” Craig had finished putting the condom on and Tweek stole herself a glimpse. It looked really tight over Craig’s large manhood. Maybe she should have asked her parents for Magnums or something.

She didn’t know how to respond to his question. She almost giggled hysterically, thinking that he had said it, in the way a rock band says it to the 50,000 strong crowd to get them going. It took her everything she had not to go 'wooooo' in his face. She nodded shyly at him.

 

 

Craig positioned himself over Tallulah, planting a kiss on her lips, forgetting he had just eaten her out. She didn't seem grossed out about it though. He held his weight with one arm, leaning on the bed. His other arm travelled south, locating Tallulah’s entrance which he gently let one of his fingers rub against. He was surprised to find just how wet she was and made a mental note to thank Kenny for the advice.

He grabbed his dick, guiding it to the entrance and slowly begun to ease into her. Fuck. She was so tight. Tallulah let out a sharp gasp and her hands grabbed his biceps, squeezing firmly. Craig stilled.

“Are you okay?” He breathed. The tightness of her pussy around the head of his cock was doing unspeakable things to him. He wanted to fuck her hard, pound her into the bed but he knew he had to be gentle with her.

 

 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. OW.

It was not like fucking period pains at all or having your minge waxed. It was fucking agony. 

Tweek instinctively grabbed hold of Craig’s biceps and squeezed hard, to try and deal with the pain. It hurt that bad that she couldn’t even appreciate his muscles which any other day she would have fawned over.

She nodded tensely at him, “Keep going,” she breathed and winced when Craig’s dick moved deeper into her.

Tweek knew that she had to see it through, no matter how painful it was.

 

 

Craig moved painfully slowly, letting his dick open her up inch by inch. She was definitely the tightest he had ever had. Even with the condom on, she felt fucking incredible and he knew that once he started to move, it would be mere minutes before he shot his load. 

It took two agonisingly long minutes before Craig was fully inside of Tallulah. She was breathing hard and her face was scrunched up in pain but she still looked beautiful. Craig hated himself a little bit for how much the thought of his dick causing her pain turned him on. Sometimes he could be really sadistic.

“You’re so fucking tight, Tallulah,” he breathed, his voice full of arousal.

 

 

Tweek wished she could say that it started to feel better but that would be a fucking lie. Craig was all the way in and it was a Christmas miracle that she wasn’t screaming. She couldn’t ever imagine this feeling good….ever. But it had to, right? People loved having sex… Marj loved having sex - her parents loved having sex. Oh fuck. Don’t think about that now.

When Craig told her she was tight, she knew he meant it as a compliment, and even though she was about to pass out from pain, she managed to try and be seductive back.

“You’re fucking huge,” she managed to say in a very shaky voice.

 

 

“Fuck, Tallulah,” Craig said, trying to stop his body from spilling out into her. Her words had caught him off guard and a jolt of pleasure had shot straight to his groin upon hearing her. He knew he had a big dick but his narcissistic tendencies made him revel when a girl confirmed it.

He started moving his hips pulling back and pushing back into her at an agonisingly slow pace. It took all of his restraint not to start pounding the fuck out of her. She was hot, tight and soaking wet. He had fantasised about fucking her since the first day he saw her, when she had walked into their Biology class. But this was better than any fantasy. This was the real thing.

Craig continued thrusting slowly, his eyes focusing on Tallulah’s face. Her little gasps and facial expressions were making his heart ache. She had trusted him to take her virginity and here she was underneath him, completely at his mercy.

 

 

The worst part was over and the pain subdued a little as Craig started to move. It helped that Tweek had begun to relax, as she became accustomed to the feeling. She was conscious that she needed to make this good for Craig, as currently all she was doing was gasping in agony and pulling constipated faces at him. She willed herself to look sexy instead and managed to only wince a few times at his thrusts.

She could tell Craig was holding back. He was going at a snail’s pace and she knew it was because he was trying to be gentle with her. Oh, fuck it. Go big or go home.

“Faster,” she commanded.

 

 

Craig stopped mid-thrust to gawk at her. Had she actually just said what he thinks she just said?

“Fuck,” he growled, his voice full of lust. This was Tallulah’s first time and she was already ordering him to go faster. Without a second thought, Craig wilfully complied and he picked up the pace significantly. He wouldn’t be able to hold on too long, it had been a while since he had done this and doing it with Tallulah was a whole new level.

He started moaning as the friction built up. Fuck she was so tight, she felt incredible.

 

 

Craig started to moan and Tweek thought it was the sexiest sound she had ever heard. To be honest the whole thing was the sexiest experience she had ever had, even with the pain of being opened for the first time. Tweek had a fucking good view. Craig’s chiseled chest above her, his muscly arms either side of her, straining to keep his weight from off her. His long (but not sickly long – Tweek was funny about the length of which boys’ hair should be and Craig’s was right on the money) hair was moving in tandem with his thrusts, and his perfect face had a look of ecstacy etched across it. Like she had said to Marj, there were worse people she could have lost her virginity to.

The quickened pace caused the pain to pick up too and before long Tweek was gasping and making small noises of discomfort which for some reason, spurred Craig on all the more.

 

  

“Fuck, Tallulah, fuck,” he gasped, scrunching his eyes shut.  He was on the edge and annoyed at his own body for letting him down so quickly. He wanted this to last, wanted to stay inside her forever.

Tallulah was gasping and moaning beneath him, in pain or pleasure he didn’t know but it didn’t matter. The sound was tipping him closer and closer to his release.

He opened his eyes to steal a look at her. Her face was flushed, her hair spread out wildly on the pillow, her eyes were closed and she was biting her lip. That paired with the view of her perfect tits delicately bouncing from the motion was enough to finish him off and with one final thrust, he slammed into her cumming hard.

 Craig moaned unabashedly loud as he spilled out into the condom. His head was spinning and he was panting hard, he hadn’t cum like that in months.

He pulled out as delicately as he could and collapsed next to her, completely spent. He knew he’d have to take the condom off soon, as his dick was beginning to soften but all he wanted to do was lay there next to her forever. Without looking his hand travelled down, peeling off the rubber and tying it in a knot. Tallulah had a bin next to her bed, underneath her nightstand, and when he reached over to put it in, he noticed that his hands had blood on them. Not excessive but like, enough to notice. 

“Are you okay?” He asked her.

 

 

And just like that, it was over. She was no longer a virgin. Tallulah was staring up at her ceiling, lost in her own thoughts. She had done it. She could never go back. She wouldn't die a virgin. She could hear Craig fannying about with the condom but she was too exhausted to watch him. She snapped out of her daydream at Craig’s question.

“Yeah,” she replied softly. It wasn’t a lie. She was okay despite her body’s protest that it was sore all over.

 

 

“Um, you’ve like, bled a little,” Craig said sheepishly. He didn’t know why he had suddenly lost his confidence, two minutes ago he was balls deep inside her.

 

 

“Oh!” Tweek all but shouted. She pulled the covers up and look down at her crotch – she let out a loud involuntary gasp at the sight.

It wasn’t just a little bit of blood, it looked like a fucking murder scene. 

“Jesus Christ!” She exclaimed, eliciting a laugh from Craig.

“Um, right um, I’m gonna go and shower and then um, I’ll change the sheets.”

Craig nodded, “Okay.”

 

Tweek clutched the sheets around her as she wiggled to sit up. She cursed herself at leaving her bathrobe in the bathroom and not placing it by the side of her bed. There was no way in hell she was going to strut halfway across the room stark bollock naked. Not when there was a bloodbath between her legs. Sod it, Craig could be the one left naked for a change.

She managed to stand up, still draped in her bedsheets and shuffled across the room as best as she could. She was aching down below and every step she took emphasised the soreness. She was about to disappear into the bathroom when she remembered something. She turned back to Craig who had managed to whip his boxers back on in the time it had taken her to painfully walk ten steps.

“Oh, um, I actually, um, got you something for your birthday,” she said, flushing with embarrassment. She didn’t know why it was such a big deal to her to admit she had actually bought him something.

Craig raised his eyebrows in surprise at her.

“Yeah, um. It’s in that bag down there,” she nodded her head to the black gift bag on the floor near her nightstand.

Before she could see Craig’s reaction to the gift or worse, see him open it, she shuffled into the bathroom as quickly as she could manage.

 

  

Craig waited until Tallulah had disappeared before reaching for the bag. He knew before he even looked in it that it was expensive. The gift bag alone probably cost $20 or something. 

He opened it carefully, not wanting to ruin the presentation. Inside was a plain black Armani v-neck t-shirt and a bottle of Armani Code. Like, it wasn’t even Emporio Armani, it was the top shelf shit. Fuck.

The t-shirt was made out of the softest material Craig had ever felt in his life. He actually really liked it. She had got his size right too, surprisingly.

There was also a small envelope in the bag and Craig opened it, surprised to find a handmade birthday card for him. Tallulah had drawn a rather cute cartoon bee on the front with a speech bubble saying “Happy Bee-Day”. He opened it up to find a simple message:

 

_**To Craig,** _

_**Happy Birthday and all that Jazz.** _

_**Love Tallulah x** _

 

She never referred to herself as Tallulah and it touched Craig that she did so for him. He had point blank refused to call her Tweek as everyone else did - she was Tallulah to him. She was his Tallulah.

He gripped the card tightly and let out a light sigh. He was well aware that he was quickly falling in love with her and it was not a feeling he was used to. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave your sexy comments - they really do make me smile.
> 
> Also, you can find me on Tumblr under Guestswithoutbags
> 
> I don't do a lot on it but you know...it's there.


	16. Just a jacket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry for the late update. I had a really bad week last week and just felt really, really shitty. I'm okay now and although I'm not 100% thrilled with this chapter, it was always going to be a hard one to write, as it is a filler for the shit to come. Anywho, I hope you enjoy it :)

The air hung heavy with the smell of sweat, body heat and every other stench that one would associate with fresh sex.

It had been almost two weeks since they had first had sex and they had managed to do it another six times since that fateful night when Craig well and truly popped her cherry. Not that Tweek was keeping track or anything, because that would definitely be weird, right?

She was draped across Craig’s lean torso as was the tradition after their fucking sessions and he, with one arm wrapped around her, was stroking her hair. Tweek liked the après sex part a lot. In fact, she would probably go as far as to say that she loved it. Craig liked to hold her and she  ~~loved~~ liked to be held by him.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the sex part - Marj had been right, it had actually started to feel good. The problem was that Tweek was still terribly shy and self-conscious, preferring missionary to anything adventurous. However, this time, Craig had persuaded her to get on top…which she did…reluctantly, cringing silently, thinking she was was going to topple off him and face plant the floor. 

She didn’t, thankfully, and Tweek rode him as best as she could, clinging to his chest for dear life. When he had suddenly sat up, moving Tweek into a sitting position with her legs crossed behind his back and her arms wrapped around his neck, she thought that she must have been doing it wrong. But then he had pressed his forehead against hers and their eyes had locked together. They had remained that way, moving slowly, panting hard, staring at each other in a way they hadn’t before, until Craig came with a soft and needy moan. They had made out like their lives depended on it after Craig’s orgasm had worn off and eventually fell into the state they were currently in - entwined in each other’s arms. It was terribly romantic.  

Craig was always the first one to break the silence, “What are your plans after school?” 

The question caught Tweek off guard and she froze. They never spoke about serious things; they flirted, got into heated debates about video games, and sometimes Craig would do her homework for her, but they had never spoke about, like, ‘the future’ before.  

“I don’t have any,” Tweek said quickly. 

She tried to put a stop to the conversation. Tweek hated talking about the future. It was all anyone seemed to want to do lately. At the lunch table, Kevin, Kyle, Esther and Jimmy spoke about nothing else other than college application forms and entrance exams and scholarships, and all the boring shit that Tweek didn’t want to hear about. Sure, it made a nice change for her to hear Kevin talk about something else other than Star Trek and Star Wars but given the choice, beam her up, Scotty. 

At home it was the same. Obviously, her parents weren’t around that much – Tweek’s mom had shamelessly been stopping by a lot more in the hopes to catch a glimpse of Craig, but it was still like she lived on her own. Every other day, however, her dad would text her with links to different college programmes that he thought she was suited for. All were for ‘good’ business colleges and all seemed to be within areas that Richard Tweek wanted to branch out their franchises. 

“What about you?” She finally asked, after the silence had stretched on for an eternity. 

“College. Either Michigan or USC. I haven’t decided yet,” Craig replied robotically. 

“Cool,” Tweek said. Although she didn’t think it was cool at all. Come summer, Craig would be leaving. Everyone would be leaving…except for her. She would linger in South Park, like a stale fart, cosplaying and doing whatever she could to retain her youth. “So, like, have you got a scholarship?” 

“They’ve both offered me one. Their scouts came to a few of our games and they’re coming to the semi finals on Friday.” 

Of course Craig had been offered a scholarship, two even. He acted like it was no big deal.  

“So extra pressure then?” Tweek lifted her head off his chest to look up at him. 

Craig shrugged, “I guess so. And I won’t have you cheering me on from the sides too.” He finished with a slight pout. 

Tweek smiled at him and shifted to lie on the pillows so that she could face him, “I’m still coming to watch – oh, that reminds me, I meant to ask you to give Wendy my uniform back.” 

Craig raised his eyebrows, “You still have it?” 

“Yeah.”

 “Oh, um, you should like, um keep it.” 

“Why?” 

“Um…” 

Tweek grinned mischievously, “Why would you want me to keep it, Craig?” She asked sarcastically. Like she couldn’t pinpoint the reason he wanted her to have it, even though it was blatantly obvious. 

A blush graced Craig’s cheeks, “Um, no reason.” 

Tweek carried on using her sarcastic tone, feeling very brave all of a sudden, “No, go on. Why would you want me to keep it? Unless…” She gasped dramatically, throwing her hand to her mouth, “Do you want me to  _wear_ it for you?” 

Craig turned a deeper shade of red, although a hint of a smirk was tugging at his lips. 

“Is Craig Tucker actually embarrassed?” Tweek teased, poking his torso with her fingers, trying to tickle him. 

“Quit it, Tallulah,” Craig grinned. 

“Have I managed to embarrass South Park’s High’s number one?” Tweek continued, her pokes and jabs getting more and more erratic. 

Craig started giggling, like actually giggling, like a 12-year-old girl, “Tallulah, I’m serious,” he warned. 

Tallulah kept on tickling him – she had found the spot, underneath his ribs and Craig had started jerking violently at her touch. 

“Wait until I tell everyone Craig Tucker has a fetish for cheerleaders-“  

“-That’s it!” 

Tweek was cut abruptly cut off by Craig who flung himself at her, tickling her and making her cry out with laughter. 

“Craig! Craig! Stop-I-“ Tweek managed through giggles, she was extremely ticklish and was no match for his strength. She was flailing about trying to get away from him. 

Craig was relentless and was well and truly getting his own back on her, “Sorry, what’s that? You want me to what?” He teased. 

“Stop! Ahhh – please, Craig – Stop!” She gasped out through giggles. Her sides were hurting from laughing. 

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,” Craig said, as he ramped up his tickling efforts. 

Tweek started screaming his name, as she couldn’t take any more, “CRAAAAAAIIIIIG! CRAAAAAAAAAAIIG!”  

Craig finally stopped his assault on her but instead of letting her off easy, he took hold of her wrists and held them above her head grinning down at her.  

They were both panting hard and Tweek was trying to escape his clutches but he held her with ease – she couldn’t help herself return his grin. 

It wasn't long before Craig’s grin faded and he looked at her they way he had looked at her during sex. It was as though he was trying to look into her soul. 

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Tweek said self-consciously. 

Craig blinked, “Nothing.”  

Although they both knew it wasn’t nothing. 

Craig looked deep in thought and Tweek assumed he was going to say something to rock her world. Instead, he simply said, “Do you wanna go out and get food?” 

 

* * *

 

Craig had lent Kenny his car, so it was up to Tweek to drive them. She was nervous about having Craig as a passenger. Not only had he not been in her car before, but he was also a fucking giant and the car couldn’t be any smaller… it was a Mini for Christ’s sake. It would be like getting in and out of a clown car for him. 

“Kenny said you have another car?” Craig questioned when Tweek pressed the unlock button on her keys and the Mini flashed to life. It seemed he also had the same size-thoughts as she did. 

“Huh?” Tweek noised.  _What was he rimming on about? What bloody car?_  

“In your garage?” Craig continued. 

 _Oh. That car._  

Tweek took a deep breath, “Oh, um, yeah.” 

“He said it was a Ford Thunderbird. Is it yours?” 

Tweek nodded and looked down at the floor.  

Craig’s eyes lit up, “Cool. So, does it work?” 

Tweek shrugged, “I think so.” 

“You think so?! How come you don’t drive it?”  

Tweek looked up at him, “It…um,” She swallowed hard and looked away, “Bad memories.” 

Craig sensed that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore and so didn’t ask her anymore questions. He walked over to her car and got in the passenger side. Tweek followed, taking her position in her driver’s seat. 

Craig had just reminded her of what was fast approaching. Not that Tweek had forgotten or anything – far from it, it’s just her mind was occupied with her new hobby of riding her 6ft6 football star. But she couldn’t escape what would be happening in a week. The fourteenth of February. Valentine’s Day. To some that meant a day of love, a day to exchange cards and gifts and gush and proclaim feelings for someone special. A day of hope, a day to look forward to, a day to give your heart to someone.  

For Tweek, it signalled the opposite. It signalled the end of love, it signalled a broken heart, it signalled emptiness, dread, and every other shitty emotion that she had to endure two year’s ago. She hated the fourteenth of February because it was the day that changed her life forever. It was the day that Evelyn was taken away from her.  

Tweek was quiet in the car ride to McDonald’s, her mind elsewhere.  She couldn’t even enjoy how squished Craig was. He had pulled the seat back as far as it would go but his knees were still practically resting on his face. If she were in a better mood, she would have found it hysterical. 

They ordered and chose a booth by the window. Tweek had opted for just a vanilla milkshake, as she had suddenly lost her appetite…that and she was a vegetarian – she couldn’t remember if she had told Craig that or not. But he didn’t question her lack of food, for which she was grateful. He did however, question when she handed over her credit card before he had chance to get his wallet out. 

“I’m the guy though?” He had protested, like she had just stripped him of all masculinity. 

“Get back to 1953, you dick,” Tweek had scoffed, “Here you can carry the tray, it might help you feel ‘manly’."

Craig bit his lip to try and stop his smirk. 

They sat in silence. Craig devouring his meal and Tweek taking light sips of her vanilla milkshake, staring out of the window at nothing in particular. 

“Are you okay?” Craig asked after a while. 

Tweek snapped out of her trance and met his gaze, “Um, yeah, sorry.” 

“Is it about the car?” 

Tweek sighed, “Kind of.” 

Craig looked at her expectantly, willing her to elaborate on why a car was the cause of her emotional breakdowns. 

“Um, I got it for my sixteenth birthday. It, um, I’d always wanted a Ford Thunderbird, because of, Thelma and Louise, you know?” She said, as if Craig would get it. 

“I’ve never seen it,” Craig said before talking a mouthful of his soda. 

Tweek gawked at him, “You’ve never seen it?!” Suddenly, her outrage overtook her sadness. 

Craig shook his head, “Nope.” 

Tweek narrowed her eyes at him, “Do you like, live under a rock or something?” 

“Isn’t it a chick flick?” 

Tweek’s eyes widened in horror, “You’ve just dissed my religion!”  

Craig laughed. 

“I’m being serious!” Tweek threatened. Although Craig was in no immediate danger. “It’s a fucking fantastic film.” 

“Why, what’s so good about it?” 

Tweek grinned and launched into a long explanation. “What’s so good about it?! It’s only like my favourite film ever! So, like, two women obviously. They end up murdering someone accidentally and like committing armed robbery too, so they have to go on the run, but then the cops catch up with them and they like commit suicide by driving off a cliff.” 

“Well that sounds delightful,” Craig said sarcastically. 

Tweek glared at him but carried on, forgetting that she hadn’t told anyone why she loved the film so much, “I was always Thelma, Evelyn was always Louise. We knew every word because we watched it like a thousand times. We wanted that car so badly and we were gonna go on a road trip across America - you know without the shoplifting or the murdering but Evelyn said she wouldn’t say no to the sex and-“ 

“Who’s Evelyn?” Craig interjected and Tweek’s smile slid off her face. 

It hurt her that he didn't know who she was.But why would he? In Tweek's mind, everyone should have known who Evelyn was, because she was the best person Tweek had ever met.

It took her a while before she replied to him. 

“She was my best friend.” 

“ _Was_?” 

“Yeah…um….she…she died.” Tweek took a long breath, she had never said it out loud before. 

Craig looked at her with sympathy etched across his face, “Oh. I’m really sorry, Tallulah.” 

Tweek took a long sip of her milkshake. The wind was well and truly knocked out of her sails. 

“So did she, like, die in a car accident? Is that why you won’t drive the car?” 

Tweek furrowed her eyebrows for just a second. Was Craig a fucking idiot?  

“Um, no, it was Leukaemia.” 

“Oh."

Tweek sighed, “I just… like… I can’t drive it because she isn’t here, you know?” 

Craig nodded but Tweek suspected that he thought she was being dramatic. She didn’t expect anyone to understand. 

“Have you ever tried?” 

 _Was he not fucking listening?_  

“No.” She said irritably. She hadn’t even sat in the thing. Her dad had driven it to South Park and parked it in the garage for her, where it remained untouched. 

“Maybe we could go out in it one day. You wouldn’t have to drive it, I could. I could be Louise.” 

Tweek threw him a puzzled look. So he was listening. 

She couldn’t help the small smile that spread across her face at his use of the words ‘we’ and ‘one day’, like he wanted her in his immediate future, not to mention him offering to be Louise. 

“You would do that?” 

Craig smiled, “Sure,” he said, before reaching over and taking her milkshake. He took a long sip of it. The small action made Tweek feel funny inside. She liked that he was comfortable enough with her to do that. 

“Okay. But you have to wear the headscarf AND the shades,” she demanded. 

Craig pretended to think long and hard about her proposition. 

“Deal.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Quit staring, Craig, you look desperate,” Clyde teased, taking a huge bite out of his hot dog. 

“I wasn’t,” Craig huffed, tearing his gaze away from Tallulah’s table.  

He definitely was staring. 

“We get it, we get it. You love her. You don’t have to be so fucking obvious about it,” Clyde delivered through a mouthful of mashed up meat and bread.  

“What? No I don’t,” Craig protested.  _Fuck. Did people know?_  

“Yeah you do, don’t lie!” Clyde launched a huge chunk of chewed up hotdog out of his mouth and across the table, it landed dangerously close to Craig. 

“Gross, Clyde! Close your fucking mouth when you eat!” Craig huffed, glaring at the brunette, his anger rising. 

Clyde grinned but remained quiet, eating his hotdog in renewed silence. 

“It’s okay if you do, you know,” Kenny spoke up. He had also been staring but his gaze lay on his girlfriend and the boy she had been hanging around with far too much. 

“What?!” Craig spat. 

Kenny shifted his gaze to his best friend, “Love her.” 

Craig narrowed his eyes at the blonde, “I don’t.”

“You have been spending a hell of a lot of time with her…” 

“And?” 

“Well…like, it’s very um, it’s um…” 

“It’s not like you, that’s all,” Token looked up from his iPad. 

The whole table was looking at Craig with great interest. He felt like he was the subject of a scientific study. 

“It’s just sex.” 

His friends all raised their eyebrows in surprise, shooting each other worried glances. 

“Does she know that?” Stan asked with annoyed concern. 

Craig shrugged his shoulders at him. Stan could fuck off. It was none of his fucking business what they were, as he had told him before. 

“Dude…” Token voiced and Craig cringed. He hated it when Token used that tone. It was like he was ashamed of him or something. 

“What!?” 

They were all making a big fucking deal out of nothing. What the fuck was this anyway? An intervention? 

“Not cool,” Clyde finally spoke up again shaking his head. If he didn’t have the dollop of ketchup stuck to his chin, Craig might have taken him seriously. 

Kenny was looking at his friend curiously and Craig knew what he was thinking. He knew that Kenny knew. He looked away back to where Tallulah was sitting, watching her laughing with her friends. It made his heart burst. She met his gaze and smiled widely at him, raising her hand in acknowledgement. Craig shifted his eyes immediately back to his own table, ignoring her as best as he could, as that was the only logical thing to do. 

“It’s going to be okay, Craig,” Kenny placed a reassuring hand on his best friend’s shoulder.

“Kenny, I swear to god,” Craig hissed through gritted teeth. 

“Alright, alright. Jesus, dude! You need to see someone about dealing with emotion!” 

“Or lack of it,” Token piped up again. 

Craig rolled his eyes, “I deal with emotion just fine.” 

Stan snorted and Craig glared at him. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay princess, sure you do.” Kenny grinned, slapping Craig’s shoulder with the hand that was resting on it. “You and Clyde both deal well with emotion!” 

 Stan and Token laughed. Clyde pouted hard. 

“Why are you bringing me into this!?” 

“Oh, you’re not going to cry about it, are you, Clyde?” 

“Oh fuck off, Kenny!” 

 

* * *

 

“So what are your plans after school?” 

There were two things wrong about the situation Tweek was in. The first thing was that no one had told her that the meeting with the school guidance counsellor was actually compulsory. When Tweek had missed her appointment blatantly on purpose, she had thought nothing of it. That was, until, she was drifting off in Physics when someone suddenly screamed her name over the tannoy, alerting her to the fact she had to go to her appointment immediately. She had turned the shade of a radish, as every head in the class turned to look at her, and jumped up, knocking several of her books over in the process, causing an absolute scene.  She decided to abandon her things completely and scuttled out of the room as fast as her little legs would carry her. 

The second thing wrong was that the school counsellor wasn’t some fifty-something, bald coot that Tweek thought he would be. He was actually, well, really kind of hot. He must have been in his late 30s early 40s at a push with a full head of chestnut coloured hair. He also had annoyingly perfect teeth, like a Disney prince, that complimented his perfect smile. It threw Tweek off – how could she talk about careers and college decisions when Flyn Ryder was eyeballing her. It was bad enough talking to teachers that look like they just crawled out from underneath a bridge, let alone Mr Fucking-Fantastic. Tweek wondered why she had never seen him around school before and made a mental note to ‘seek guidance’ more often. 

“Um, I don’t have any,” Tweek said shyly, looking at the motivational posters on the wall including an anti-drugs one that said, “Don’t be a sheep,” with a drawing of a heard of sheep heading through a door with words on it like ‘alcohol’, ‘un-protected sex’ and ‘heroin’. Tweek stifled a giggle, imagining a sheep smacked off its tits staggering about in lingerie with a bottle of jack. 

“No?” Mr Fucking Fantastic said, flipping open her folder and scanning her notes like she was a patient of his.  What the hell did her notes say anyway? She wasn’t aware that she even had a file. Shit. She really wanted to know what was in it. 

“Um no,  I haven’t thought about it really,” she said. And it was true. She hadn’t thought about what she was going to do because she didn’t have a fucking clue. Could you like draw shit cats for a living? Was that a job? What college would she need to go to for that? 

“Well, here’s a better question,” FF proposed, closing her folder and casually leaning back in his chair, “What’s your dream job?” 

Tweek threw him a confused look.  _Well Monsieur FF, I’d like to sit on my arse and draw cats for a pretty penny, how about you?_  

“Come on! If you could be anything – anything at all, what would it be?” FF grinned at her. 

“Anything?” Tweek asked sceptically, like it was a trap, like if she said the wrong answer he would smack the table and scream in her face that it was never gonna happen and she needs to stop dreaming now, before pulling out applications for Wallmart and McDonalds and telling her to get the fuck out of his sight.  

“Yep. Anything at all!” FF said, too enthusiastically with another wide grin. 

Tweek thought hard. It’s not like she hadn’t fantasised about being famous, like everyone had, although her fantasies didn’t involve being a rockstar or an A-list actress. It did involve fame, but like a different kind of fame. 

“Um, well, I’d like to, um, I dunno, maybe, like,”  _Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it,_ “Maybe a professional wrestler?”  _She fucking said it._  

She realised how stupid it sounded, saying it out loud. It was okay in her head where she could happily keep the images of her moonsaulting off the top rope and clotheslining her made up opponents to herself. But admitting it out loud was a whole new level of embarrassment. 

FF chuckled heartedly, “Of everything I thought you were gonna’ say, professional wrestler definitely wasn’t one of them!” 

Tweek flushed crimson. Of course it fucking wasn’t – look at the state of her. She stood at 5 ft 4 and weighed barely more than 100 pounds. She had no upper arm strength and when the sun was out, her guns were shut safely indoors. 

“That’s awesome!” FF smiled at her and she suddenly didn’t feel as stupid as she did declaring that she wanted to be the next John Cena, “So, let me guess, you grew up watching WWE?” 

Tweek smiled, “Yeah.” 

FF smacked his hand on the table,  “Go on then, who’s your favourite wrestler?” 

“Well, I have a few,” Tweek grinned, suddenly forgetting she was talking to a teacher, “So, um, Kane… before he took the mask off obviously.”

FF nodded in agreement, “Obviously.” 

“CM Punk before he had his bitch fit and walked out, and um, The Hardy Boyz and Lita.” 

“Team Xtreme, eh? Aren’t you a bit young to know who they are?” 

“Well, my cousin gave me all of his old VHS tapes when I was 9 and um, I was obsessed! I made my mom buy a VHS player off eBay just so I could watch them.” 

FF laughed and Tweek smiled triumphantly. They ended up spending the rest of the allotted 20 minute time-slot arguing over the best Wrestlemania main events and what would be their dream match. 

When the time was up, Tweek was no clearer on her future, whether she should go to college or what she should major in, or whether she should just fuck it off altogether and go straight into a job. All she knew was that if she ever wanted to talk wrestling, she knew where to go.

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you know what you want to be when you’re older?” Tweek posed the question to her redheaded friend.  

Since rehearsals had picked up for Grease, Tweek hadn’t seen much of Marj and even when she did, the blonde had her head buried in her script and was unresponsive. On the rare occasions that Tweek saw her in the cafeteria, Marj would opt to sit with Bridon, so that they could go over their scenes together. Tweek felt lost. It didn’t help that she also hadn’t seen much of Craig either due to ‘extra football practices’ or so he said.  

Craig had been acting weird with her lately. Since Sunday, since the last time they had sex, since they had shared her milkshake and he had promised to be her Louise. Something had suddenly changed. The next day, Craig looked at her differently - it was like she was a puzzle he was trying to solve but couldn’t.  

When Tweek caught him staring at her at lunch, she had thought nothing of it, after all, it was Craig and he always stared. But then he had looked away from her with a conflicted look on his face and she began to worry.  

It wasn’t long after this incident that Craig had started to become distant. Suddenly, he couldn’t hang out because of football, or Kenny, or any other lame excuse he offered her. If Tweek didn’t know any better, she would think that Craig was actively trying to avoid her. But ignorance was fucking bliss. 

The bliss lasted all of a day before Tweek was a nervous wreck, convincing herself that she was shit in bed – she must be. What else could it be? Craig was definitely already bored of her. He probably regretted getting with her in the first place. Plus she had revealed why she was mental. She shouldn’t have told him about the car or about Evelyn. It would only be a matter of time before he asked for his jacket back. 

 Sure it had only been five days but that was five days too fucking long. Something was up. It was obvious. His texts had become different… in a way that if she were to try and explain to someone, she’d look fucking mental.  

It was subtle changes that any normal person wouldn’t have picked up on but it was glaringly obvious to her that something wasn’t quite right. It just seemed like she had suddenly become a chore to him. He took longer texting her back, and she found herself starting the conversation more often than not, which she was fucking terrible at. When her ‘Hey’s’ received no more than a ‘hey’ back, she had panicked and sent really crap texts about the weather….she had even text him saying that it was ‘a bit blustery today’ - she might as well kill herself now.  

And even though he would kiss her before and after school, it just wasn’t the same. The lingering, passionate kisses she had become accustomed to, had been replaced with a quick peck on the lips, like they had been married for 15 years and were fucking sick of the sight of each other.  

She knew she had to confront him but she wasn’t brave enough to find out what was wrong. He was the first person she had fucked and she had become weirdly attached to him. Scrap that - she was fucking obsessed with Craig. She just hoped it  _was_ football. After tonight’s game, she hoped everything would go back to normal. 

“Yeah, a lawyer,” Kyle shrugged, putting his final books in his locker and closing the door which snapped her out of her Craig-filled day dream. 

They were heading to lunch and Tweek was getting used to it being just the two of them. They always met up with the rest of their friends in the cafeteria but they had started hanging out like they had used to do, before goths and jocks had come between them. They had even started hanging out after school to do homework together, although Tweek had flat out refused to face Mrs Broflovski again, after the people equal shit incident. So Kyle came to hers to do homework, eat and play on her Nintendo Switch. 

“Have you always known though?” Tweek asked eagerly. She wanted Kyle to confirm that she wasn’t alone. That he had just blindly chosen a profession at random, like assigning careers to a number and rolling the fucking dice. Could have been a lawyer, could have easily been a circus clown.  

“Um, yeah kind of,” He shrugged again. Kyle was only a few inches taller than her and it was a nice change walking next to him, instead of the usual giant by her side. 

“Oh,” Tweek’s face fell. Why did everyone seem to have their shit together? 

“Well, you know, because of my dad and all. Why’d you ask?” 

So Kyle was following in his dad’s footsteps? Tweek bet Mr Broflovski was delighted. Maybe she should follow in her dad’s footsteps and just go to business school, like he wanted. 

Tweek sighed, “I have no idea what I want to be and when the guidance counsellor asked me, I told him I want to be a professional wrestler.” 

Kyle burst out laughing, “Tweek, you couldn’t fight for your right to party, let alone fight other people.” 

Tweek pretended to be highly offended and shoved him playfully, “Wanna bet?” 

“I’d put my life on it!” Kyle grinned mischievously. 

 “Is that a challenge?” 

“Maybe-“ Kyle stopped abruptly, as a large shadow suddenly loomed over them. His smile wiped off his face when his eyes found the source of the overcast. Craig stood looking down at him with a faint scowl on his face. 

“I’ll um, see you at lunch,” Kyle said quietly to Tweek, before quickly walking away. 

Tweek turned to look up at Craig, happy to see him, although frightful of the look he was giving her. It was another one of ‘those’ looks, the confusing looks that he seemed to be giving her lately. She was getting sick of them. She wasn’t Pandora’s Box for fuck’s sake. 

“What?” She asked him nervously.  

“Where’s your jacket?” Craig asked. 

Oh fuck. He wanted it back. This was it.

Her mouth went dry and she gulped, “In my locker.” 

Craig raised his eyebrows at her, “Do you not like wearing it?” 

Tweek shot him a confused look, “What? No. Of course, I do!”   

The truth was she loved wearing his jacket. She loved having his name on the back for all to see, like she was his… She desperately wanted to be his.  But in her weird little head, he couldn’t take it off her if she wasn’t wearing it. And from the way he had been acting recently, she was certain he would be asking for it back any day now. 

“But you’re not wearing it.” 

“As observant as always, Craig,” Tweek smiled at him, trying her best to flirt. When Craig didn’t smile back or do that thing he did with his tongue against his teeth when he was trying to hold back a smirk, her face fell. 

“I’ll go and get it,” she said meekly.  She turned to walk back to her locker to retrieve the garment, not convinced that this wasn’t just a ploy for him to be able to get it back. 

“You wanna hang out tonight?” 

Tweek stopped in her tracks. It had been five days since they had last ‘hung out’. She turned to look at him, “What, like after the game?” 

Craig nodded. 

“Aren’t you going to Token’s?” 

“Kenny isn’t going, so um, I thought I’d give it a miss.” 

“Oh, right. Um, yeah, sure,” she said as casually as she could possibly muster- like she wasn’t desperate to be in his presence again, to feel him against her, to lie in each other’s arms. She knew her voice probably still screamed of desperation. 

“Cool,” he said with a small smile, before walking up to her, leaning down and pecking her on the lips. Before she could even purse her lips, he was already pulling away, turning and walking into the cafeteria.  

“Yeah, cool,” Tweek said to herself quietly when he was gone. 

It wasn’t until she was at her locker that she remembered she had agreed to hang out with Kyle after the game. Oh well, Kyle would understand…at least she hoped he would.

 

* * *

 

Wendy couldn’t believe she was about to stoop so low but she had no other choice. Half of her squad were tied up with Grease rehearsals and even though she had managed to change the routine at the last minute, there were still three members needed for her to pull off a cohesive performance. She had already called on two former cheerleaders, which was embarrassing enough, seeing as though she had been the one to kick them off the team in the first place. But this….this was fucking humiliating.

She swallowed hard before approaching the girl that had ruined everything. 

“I need you to cheer tonight.” Wendy opted for a direct approach. This was business – there would be no niceties today. 

Tallulah Tweek had her head buried in her locker. She jumped slightly at Wendy’s words and turned to find the source of the question. When her eyes fell on Wendy, an obvious grimace graced her face. 

“What?” She said in disbelief.   

The raven haired girl couldn’t blame her for being shocked. In fact, Wendy wouldn’t have been surprised if Tweek had flipped her the bird before walking away. After all, their encounters had been nothing but shit. From the first day they had met when Wendy had ran away from her as soon as she had been able to, to Token’s party, when she had let the blonde girl drink herself stupid. If she was honest with herself, Wendy probably deserved a punch to the face, never mind a dirty look. 

Wendy clasped her hands together in prayer, “I need you,” she delivered slowly, pausing before she choked out the rest, “to cheer tonight.” 

Tallulah narrowed her eyes at her, “Are you fucking serious?” 

Wendy bit her lip, looking down to the jacket that the blonde girl was clutching.  _HIS jacket_. She flared her nostrils and her eyes flickered back to Tallulah’s, “Deadly.” 

“Why?” Tweek asked accusatory, like there was going to be a catch. There always seemed to be a catch. 

Wendy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Half my squad have to go to shitty Grease rehearsals and I can’t get them out of it. The fucking football players are allowed to skip but apparently, ‘cheerleading isn’t as important.’” She said bitterly. 

The feminist in Wendy Testaburger had been outraged when her request was denied. She had tried, and failed, to point out how sexist the school was, to allow football players to skip but not cheerleaders, like women weren’t as important as the men or something. But that fucking bitch, Mrs Bergstein, had bit back and said that  _Wendy_ was the sexist one and that _she_ was setting females back 50 years, making them wear those ‘hideous’ cheer outfits. Wendy had been that furious, that she had vowed to do everything she possibly could to sabotage Grease. Mrs Bergstein would rule the day she crossed Wendy fucking Testaburger. 

“But you kicked me out,” Tweek said, a slight edge to her voice. Wendy couldn’t work out if it was amusement or fear.

Wendy cringed, “And now I’m asking you to come back.” 

“Indefinitely? Or is this like a ‘Dreamgirls’ thing. Like one night only?” Tweek asked and Wendy decided that the slight edge to the blonde’s voice was definitely amusement. She was fucking loving this. 

“Um, we can discuss that later,” Wendy all but huffed out. 

It WAS one night fucking only, but they had the state finals to perform at, and if that bitch, Mrs Bergstein, decided that a shitty high school musical came first again, Wendy didn’t want to have to be put in the position of having to beg her arch nemesis. She was pretty sure Tallulah would agree this time, she wasn’t sure if she would be so lucky next time. 

Tweek bit her lip with apprehension, “My uniform’s at home.” 

“You have time to go and get it now.” 

“I don’t know the choreography.” 

“We’re having a practice after school before the game. It’s not that different from what you learned before. You’ll pick it up easily.” 

“I thought ‘I’d missed too many practices to possibly catch up now.’” 

They were going back and forth, sparring with each other stubbornly and Tweek had started to become sassy. Since when did this hot mess of a blonde stand up for herself?

“I know what I said.” Wendy choked out through gritted teeth. 

Tweek smirked triumphantly, “What’s suddenly changed?” 

Wendy sighed, “Look, Tweek. Don’t do it for me. Do it for the Cows.”  _Oh, Jesus. Had she actually just said that?_  

Tweek cocked an eyebrow at her, like she couldn’t believe those words had left the head cheerleader’s mouth. Wendy didn’t let herself succumb to the embarrassment she felt and tried her best to stand confidently by her cringeworthy words.  

Wendy could see the cogs turning in Tweek’s head, as she patiently waited for a reply. Wendy was anything but patient, but she knew that if she lost it with the hopeless blonde, she could kiss her third and final member goodbye. She had neglected to inform Tweek that she would be the star of the show, as she was the only one who could execute the high flying moves with grace and perfection. But Wendy would rather die than give Tweek a compliment, or admit that she was probably one of the best cheerleaders she had ever seen. 

“Admit that you dropped me,” Tweek finally said and Wendy couldn’t help the horrified look that fell on her face. 

“What?” She spat. 

“Admit that you dropped me on purpose,” Tweek replied impassively. 

Wendy clenched her fists and glared at the blonde. 

“Or don’t. It doesn’t matter to me,” Tweek shrugged, shutting her locker door. Wendy stood speechless, as the blonde walked away from her. She watched as the tiny girl put on the oversized jacket and was nearly out of sight when Wendy crumbled. 

“FINE!” She shouted. 

Tallulah stopped, although she didn’t turn around. Instead the ‘TUCKER’ lettering on the back of her jacket bore into Wendy. 

“I did. I ...dropped you…,” Wendy said in such a small voice, it was a miracle that Tweek heard it. But she heard it. She had definitely heard it.  

Wendy waited what felt like an age for the blonde’s reply. Maybe this was just Tweek’s way of finally getting back at her. Maybe she wouldn’t help her out after all. And then Wendy would have humiliated herself for no fucking reason. 

“What time?” 

Wendy swallowed, “4.30pm, in the gym.” It was weird talking to the back of someone’s head.  

Tallulah walked away, leaving Wendy with a final view of her modelling her former boyfriend’s jacket. The jacket she had once wore. 

It still hurt.

 

* * *

 

Kyle was stood at his locker exchanging one set of heavy textbooks for another. It was a miracle to him that he wasn’t ripped from his geekish workouts. His arms were still as scrawny as always, despite lugging around close to 15 pounds all day, every day. His advanced classes seemed to have literally no fucking benefits. 

“Hey Kyle,” a pretty brunette approached him. 

‘Hey Esther,” Kyle said, returning her smile. He looked back into his locker, triple checking that he hadn’t forgotten something. He had OCD when it came to his books and equipment. It bordered on unhealthy. 

“So, do you wanna hang out and do homework together after the game?” Esther asked him. She was in most of his advanced classes and they often worked on projects together. Esther was always asking Kyle for help, although he didn’t mind. It made him feel smart and Kyle liked to feel smart. 

Unfortunately, Kyle wasn’t smart enough to notice the faint blush that had appeared on Esther’s cheeks when she had posed the question. Nor did he notice her subtle body language – the way her arms hugged her folder protectively to her chest, as she waited for his reply. 

“Oh, I’m hanging with Tweek tonight but maybe another time?” Kyle said insensitively. Even he would have trouble doing homework on a Friday night. 

Esther tried not to let her disappointment show and forced a smile onto her face, “Oh yeah, um, sure, yeah… that’s fine.” 

Kyle bid her goodbye and made his way to English. English was one of his favourite classes, because he got to sit next to Tweek. 

She was already in her seat when he entered the class, and the smile she shot him always made his heart flutter. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t make his fucking day. Today though, was extra special, as she was sat in her cheerleader uniform. He threw her a curious look and she shook her head with a ‘don’t ask’. 

He smiled at her, plonking himself down into his seat, “Have we gone back in time or something?” 

“No. I’m doing Wendy a favour.” 

“ _You’re_ doing Wendy Testaburger a favour?!” 

“What can I say, I’m a good Christian.” 

Kyle laughed, “No seriously, though.” 

“Do you know what she actually said, Kyle? She said, ‘Don’t do it for me, do it for the Cows.’”

Kyle snorted. 

“So…I’m doing it for the Cows.” 

“Fair enough. So, I’ll wait for you after the game, yeah?” 

“Oh, um, about tonight,” Tweek began. 

“Yeah? You scared about getting your ass handed to you on Mario Kart again?” Kyle teased. Their hang out sessions always ended with a furious game of Mario Kart or Super Smash Bros, or some other highly competitive game. 

Tweek shot him a sympathetic smile and Kyle’s face fell. He knew what was coming. 

“Um, so like, Craig has asked if I wanted to hang out, and like, I haven’t seen him cos’ of like, football practice – you know? And, um, well I said yes and forgot, like, um, our plans but we can hang out another time?” 

Kyle watched her squirm through her excuse. She had forgot about their plans. He would never forget about their plans. He was annoyed with himself, as not only had he turned down Esther’s invitation but he had also told Stan he wasn’t available. 

He forced a smile onto his face, not knowing that it was the exact smile Esther had shot him mere moments before, “Yeah, um, yeah, sure….that’s fine.”

 

* * *

 

“Hello Laura, Thomas!” Sheila Broflovski greeted the Tuckers, as she, Gerald and Ike squeezed their way onto the bleachers. They were joined by the Sharon and Randy Marsh and all seemed to be decked out in green and white in support of the Cows.

The parents all greeted one another before taking their seats. Trisha, Karen and Ike moved to the row in front of their parents, so they could sit together in peace.

“It seems like all of South Park’s here tonight!” Sheila commented. 

“Big game, big crowd,” Thomas Tucker replied cheerfully.

Randy had made himself at home, pulling out a six pack of beer and handing one to Gerald and Thomas, as if it was the normal thing to do at a high school game. Sharon frowned at the action but didn’t say anything. 

“Where’s Kyle?” Laura asked Sheila eagerly. Karen and Trisha had told her, that Ike had told them, that Kyle had told him, that he was going to the game with Tallulah. She hated that she had been highly interested in this piece of adolescent gossip. But she wanted to catch a glimpse of the girl that seemed to have stolen her son’s heart. 

“He’s sitting with his friends – Ike!” Sheila shrieked at the small raven-haired boy in front of her. Ike turned around to face his mother, “Where’s Kyle?” 

Ike scanned the crowd, looking for his brother’s familiar mane of ginger curls. It was never hard to spot Kyle, even in a large crowd. 

“There!” he pointed at a group of teenagers, sat a few rows down to the left.  

The women’s gazes fell upon the group and Laura leaned over to Sheila, “Which one’s Tallulah?” she asked, making little effort to mask her desperation. 

Sheila squinted at the group, “I don’t think she’s there?” 

Laura’s face fell in disappointment, “Oh.” 

“Why’d you ask, anyway?” Sheila commented. 

“She’s dating Craig.” 

“Oh!” Sheila shouted in surprise, “Gerald! Gerald! I told you! I told you that girl would break our bubbleh’s heart! What did I tell you?” 

Gerald stopped mid-conversation to turn to his wife, “What, honey?” 

“That Tweek girl, she’s dating Craig now!” 

“Oh,” Gerald offered with little enthusiasm. Turning back to Randy like it was no big deal. 

Sheila rolled her eyes and turned back to Laura, “Sorry, Laura, the last I heard she was dating Kyle. I’m actually relieved to hear that she isn’t. Did I tell you what she wore when she came round to our house? I can’t even repeat it! It just goes to show that money can’t buy you morals!” 

Laura nodded her head at Sheila in agreement. She still wasn’t sure of the blonde girl herself, even if Kenny had tried to persuade her otherwise. 

“There she is!” Ike practically jumped out of his seat as he pointed excitedly to the field, where the cheerleaders were positioning themselves to open the game. 

Laura kept her eyes trained on the blonde throughout the routine. She could see why her son would go for her. She was small, pretty and very flexible. She and Thomas often poked fun at Craig for his love of cheerleaders, with Thomas hinting that their skills probably translated to the bedroom, much to her dismay. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew her son was sexually active but she didn’t need to think about him like that.  

When the routine was over, the crowd went wild. Tallulah was in the middle at the front, sat in the splits with her arms thrown in the air.  

“That’s Tallulah,” she whispered into her husband’s ear, with a discrete point of her finger. 

Thomas chuckled heartedly, his eyes falling on the blonde, “Figures.” 

 

* * *

 

It had been a really close game. Too close for Craig’s liking. But the important thing was, they had won. They were going to the finals. One more win and they would be state champions. 

Before he could hit the showers, Craig had to make small talk to the scouts who had come to watch him play. Coach had trained them all how to handle these situations and if he wasn’t exhausted from the game, it was from how much he had to smile and actually speak to people. Kenny did it easily. He was born with an excessive amount of charm running through his veins. Craig watched in awe as the blonde made several of the old farts laugh through one of his anecdotes. Craig wasn’t good at retelling stories, except for the ones he wasn’t supposed to tell. 

“For the love of god, boys, DO NOT bring up the golf cart incident!” Coach had warned the pair of them. 

“Does he think we’re fucking stupid?” Kenny had muttered to him and Craig had nodded in agreement. Little did Kenny know that Craig actually had retold the story to one of the scouts from Notre Dame, who, not surprisingly, hadn’t offered him a scholarship. This time, he managed to keep quiet. 

After enduring the painful small talk, they were finally released, and they hit the showers eagerly. Craig had never been so grateful to stand in a room full of sweaty naked men in his life. 

He couldn’t wait to get back to Tallulah’s. It had been a fantastic surprise when she had walked past him, following the rest of the cheerleaders to the field. She had shot him a very flirty wink and he had comically done a double take when he realised what was happening. 

He couldn’t take his eyes off her and Kenny had to literally shake him out of his trance when it was time to get his helmet on and get out onto the field. 

Craig and Kenny showered quickly, as they both had places to be. Kenny had told Craig that he had a date with Marj and Craig had offered to give him his Mustang for the night, after all, he’d be with Tallulah and wouldn’t need it. 

Unfortunately, before they could leave, they had to endure praise from Craig’s parents who were waiting for them outside the tunnel, along with the other parents and friends. 

Kenny and Craig emerged together and were met with a chorus of cheers. His mom launched herself at her two boys, enveloping them in a proud hug, whilst his dad took it in turns to pat them both on the shoulder.

“Well done, boys, I’m proud of you,” Thomas beamed. 

Craig could see Stan gaining the same reception from his own family and the Broflovski’s. In fact, the whole team seemed to have their own fans waiting for them. Craig scanned the crowd looking for Tallulah and found her standing with her group of friends. 

“So boys, what are your plans tonight? Are you going to Token’s to celebrate?” 

“Nah, I’m having a quiet night with my girlfriend,” Kenny smiled at Laura, “I believe Craig is doing the same.” 

Craig tore his eyes away from Tallulah, “She’s not my girlfriend.” 

“Yeah, whatever, Craig,” Kenny teased. 

Craig rolled his eyes. 

“Speaking of which,” Laura began, trying to keep her voice aloof, “Do we get to meet her?” 

Craig shifted uncomfortably, feeling the eyes of his whole family on him, “No. You don’t. She’s not my girlfriend.” 

“Then why is she wearing your jacket?” Trisha asked, pointing over Craig’s shoulder to where Tallulah was standing. 

His mom and dad moved their heads so that they could catch a glimpse of her.

Craig glared at his sister, “She was cold.” 

Kenny snorted and his family exchanged glances. Craig felt himself becoming tense. 

“Let’s go, Kenny.” Craig jerked his head, signalling for the blonde boy to follow him. 

He stalked off to the car park followed by his family. He didn’t see the hurt on Tallulah’s face as she watched him walk away, forgetting that he had told her to wait for him. 

She always did what he asked.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenny hadn’t seen Marj properly in two weeks. What with football practice and rehearsals, they didn’t have the time to fart, let alone hang out. 

He was miserable and horny. God, he was so fucking horny. It had been too long since they had fucked - he thought his balls were going to explode. 

When Marj told him her parents would be out on a date on Friday night, Kenny had almost cum in his pants at the thought of what they could do in a free house. But then Marj had also said that she had a surprise for him, and had sent him a teasing image of the lower half of her body in suspenders and stockings, when Kenny was getting changed after practice. It took all his restraint not to pop a boner in a locker room full of guys. Something told him, that wouldn’t have been a smart move.  

Friday couldn’t come soon enough. He couldn't cum soon enough.

All Kenny had to get through was a few shitty rehearsals and a big football game and then, then he would be rewarded with his girlfriend’s perfect naked body. 

To any outsider, he looked calm and collected. He managed to charm the pants off the scouts who had come to watch the game, and had made small talk with Craig’s family. However, inside he was going crazy. Craig had promised him the keys to the Mustang, as he would be leaving with Tink. But then Craig had a pissy fit and changed his mind, and Kenny found himself walking one mile an hour with Craig and his family to the car park. 

Kenny’s patient had begun to wear thin and when Craig had finally taken his position in the driver’s seat, Kenny had all but screamed at him. 

“I swear to god Craig, I don’t care why you’re in a pissy mood, just drop me off at Marj’s.” 

Craig had looked at him with disdain before bringing the Mustang to life and driving painfully slowly to the destination. 

“Dick!” Kenny had called out to him, as he shut the passenger door and walked up to Marj’s house. Craig usually drove like a fucking Nascar racer. He was just being an arsehole on purpose. Kenny couldn’t be fucked with him when he was like this. Something was up with him but Kenny couldn’t think about that now. His dick had well and truly taken over him. 

Marj greeted him in her PJs and Kenny couldn’t help but look disappointed. Where were the stockings, the suspenders? 

“Well, hello,” she grinned. 

“Hey, babe,” he smiled, capturing her lips with his own. Fuck it. He didn’t care what she was wearing – she could be wearing a plastic bag for all he cared, he would still fuck the shit out of her. 

“My parents are due back at eleven, so we have just over an hour.” 

“Baby, I won’t need an hour,” Kenny grinned. He probably wouldn’t last a minute, giving how long it had been. 

“You certainly know how to charm a girl,” Marj teased. 

They headed upstairs to Marj’s room and opened her window, so that they’d be able to hear if the Stotch’s decided to come home early. 

“I’ll be right back. Make yourself comfortable,” Marj said seductively and Kenny realised that the suspenders and stockings were still on the cards. 

He raised his eyebrows eagerly at her, “Alrighty then.” 

As soon as Marj had shut the door, Kenny wasted no time in stripping down to his birthday suit. He had just plopped himself down on the bed when Marj’s phone pinged. 

It was on her nightstand, so Kenny could clearly see the notification if he wanted to. Normally he wouldn’t have bothered, it was probably Tink or Kyle, or that geeky group chat she was a part of. 

But then the phone pinged again, and then again and Kenny couldn’t help himself. If anything, he was going to at least turn it onto silent, as that way, they wouldn’t be disturbed when they fucked. There was nothing worse than the sound of a phone buzzing when you were trying to get jiggy. Well, there was plenty of worse things, but still, it was really fucking annoying. 

He reached over to flip the silent switch when he saw who the messages were from. 

Bridon fucking Gueermo. 

Kenny snatched the phone off the counter and unlocked it, entering Marj’s password. They, of course, knew each other’s combinations, not that they ever needed to use them for anything other than turning off alarm clocks or when Kenny’s phone had run out of battery and he had to contact someone. It was a level of trust he knew he was breaking but he couldn’t fucking help himself. 

Jabbing at the message icon, Kenny scrolled up and nearly launched the phone out of the opened window. 

The fucker had sent a dick pic, followed by two messages: ‘Oh shit, sorry. That wasn’t for you!’ and ‘Are you okay?’

The oldest trick in the fucking book. 

He clicked on the photo to see a dimly lit image of Bridon’s lower half in a pair of plain black boxers, the tip of his erection poking out of the waistband. The little shit had positioned the camera so that the start of his abs were visible. It was so cliché that Kenny felt embarrassed for him. 

Before he knew what he was doing, Kenny had scrolled up as far as the conversation allowed him to and began to read the text exchanges between the two.  

At first, they had started out very innocently: ‘Should we meet to go through our lines tomorrow?’ and ‘Mrs Bergstein wants us off script by Wednesday! :O’ But then they had got progressively more flirty. Well on Bridon’s part at least. Kenny nearly snapped the phone in half when he read one of Bridon’s latest messages to his girlfriend, ‘Any luck finding those leather pants? :P’ 

He didn’t even hear Marj coming back into the room. 

“What are you doing?” 

Kenny jumped with a start, tearing his eyes away from the phone and dropping the device like a hot potato. 

“Nothing.”

“Why were you on my phone?” Marj stood in her doorway in stockings, suspenders, a thong and nipple tassles. Kenny was that shocked at being caught in the act, he couldn't appreciate the sight before him.

“It kept going off. I was going to put it on silent.” 

“But you decided to read my messages instead?” Marj said with hurt, she was staring at the phone which was still open on her and Bridon’s conversation. 

“He sent you a fucking dick pic!” 

“What!?” 

“A fucking dick pic, Marj! A picture of his fucking dick!” He shouted. 

Marj walked over to retrieve her phone. 

“God, don’t look so keen. Are you desperate to see it?” He sneered, as Marj picked up the device, scrolling through her messages. 

“No! I…he wouldn’t!” Marj protested. 

“Well he fucking did.” Kenny watched as Marj’s eyes widened at the photo. 

He let out a sarcastic laugh, “Impressed!?” 

“No!” Marj shook her head, “Look! It was a mistake! He said so himself!” 

“Marj, please. Don’t be so naiive. It’s the oldest trick in the fucking book.” 

Marj furrowed her eyebrows at him, “How would you know?” 

Kenny smirked sarcastically, “No. Don’t try and turn this around!” 

“I haven’t done anything wrong!” 

“You’ve been texting him a hell of a lot!” 

“Yeah! About the play!” 

“How would you feel if I was texting Bebe? If Bebe ‘accidentally’ sent me a picture of her tits?!” 

“Bebe did ‘accidentally’ send you a picture of her tits….several pictures of her tits in fact, and her ass and her fucking crotch!” 

Oh shit. Kenny had forgotten about that. He had forgotten how difficult Bebe made his life when he had first got with Marj. But Marj had stuck by him, believed him when he said he didn’t know why she had sent those texts. Put up with Bebe and her army of skanks shouting names at her, ridiculing her in the changing rooms, cornering her at her locker, calling her a whore, ugly, a bitch and anything else their oh-so imaginative brains could think of. 

“It’s not the same!” Kenny screamed, as that’s the only logical thing he could say in this situation. Because it wasn’t the same. Marj had only ever been with him. His dick was the only dick Marj had ever set sights on. He didn’t want her to be tainted by the image of Bridon Gueermo’s erection which may or may not have been bigger than Kenny’s penis. But Bridon’s slightly larger dick was not why he was mad. Okay, it was one of the reasons why he was mad but it wasn’t the sole reason. 

“How is it not!? It was an accident, he said sorry. I’ll delete the fucking picture, okay?” Marj shouted, jabbing at her phone manically. 

“I think we should drop out of the play.” 

Marj stopped dead in her tracks, “What!?” 

“I’m not comfortable with you working with him. If you asked me to drop out, I would. In a heartbeat,” Kenny said calmly, like he was being reasonable. 

“I would never ask you to do that.” 

Kenny furrowed his brow. He really wished he wasn’t naked. 

“It’s me or the play.” 

Marj widened her eyes in shock, “You can’t be serious.” 

“I am.” 

She swallowed hard, “I think you should leave.” 

“So you’re choosing him.” 

“What!?”

“You’re clearly choosing the play and therefore him.” 

“You’re being ridiculous.” 

“Oh, I’m being ridiculous? FINE!” 

Kenny grabbed his clothes off the floor and yanked them on aggressively. Marj stood in her spot, looking down at the floor. They had never argued like this before. 

Kenny wanted to scream, to hit something. What he really wanted to do was to punch Bridon fucking big-dick Gueermo in the fucking face. On his way out, he yanked his phone out of his pocket and opened his conversation with Craig.

 **Kenny 10.26pm** : I need u 2 cum n get me…like now x

 **Craig 10.26pm:** Be 10 mins x

At least he still had Craig.

Marj remained rooted to the spot, watching Kenny as he fled her room. When her front door slammed she let out a long sigh. The night hadn't gone as she had hoped it would have. She really wished they hadn't had the worst argument of their relationship when he was naked and she was wearing nipple tassles.

 

* * *

 

 

Tallulah had just closed the door to her bedroom when the doorbell rang. 

Call me Larry didn’t just let anybody through the gates, so she knew who it was before she even got to the door. 

She was confused. Craig had told her to stay behind after the game and wait for him, and she did, like the idiot she was. But then he had walked off without so much as a ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’ and she felt like an even bigger bellend, as she awkwardly hovered with Stan and Kyle, waiting until enough time had passed before she could go to her car. 

Tweek had checked her phone as soon as she was inside her Mini, assuming he would have text her with his excuses as to why he had changed his mind and decided to avoid her again. However, the only notifications she found were those on her latest Instagram post of a selfie she had taken hours before. People seemed to love the cheerleader aesthetic. Although, no amount of empty likes on her photo could make her feel better. She felt like shit. What had she done wrong? 

As soon as she had got home, Tweek had taken his jacket off but was still in her cheerleading uniform, as Craig had told her to keep it on, and like an idiot, she had done, despite the awkward questions from Kyle as to why she hadn’t changed. 

“I couldn’t be bothered,” she had said with forced apathy, and he had believed her because he always believed her, even though he knew she hated the uniform. 

She was about to get changed into her pjs and put on Sex and the City to try and make herself feel better when she heard the sound. 

She trudged to the door nervously. She was always nervous when she saw Craig, but this was a different kind of nervousness. It was unpleasant, like someone had punched her in the stomach. She felt hollow.  

“Hey,” she greeted, opening the door and letting the tall boy in. 

“Hey,” he simply said.  

Stupidly, she thought he would launch into an apology or give her an explanation as to why he had left her hanging. But this was Craig Tucker. A boy of very few words. 

When he didn’t offer her anything more than ‘hey,’ she turned and walked upstairs to her bedroom, knowing that he would follow her. 

It annoyed her that she was so weak in front of him, like, she should have been mad at him. She should have shouted at him for making her feel like an idiot. But instead ,she let it slide, because she was desperate for him to like her. 

“So,” she said when they were in her room, “Well first of all, congratulations.” 

Craig cut her off abruptly, striding up to her and placing a passionate kiss on her lips. Not a peck. A proper kiss. 

Tweek responded immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck and stroking his tongue with her own.  

God she had missed this. 

Craig’s lips were soft, warm and the right amount of wet. He was the perfect kisser. 

She moaned softly into his mouth and Craig pulled away, looking at her with that conflicting expression again. 

“What?” she asked. Why did he keep looking at her like that? 

Craig didn’t respond, instead he roughly turned her around and threw her onto the bed. 

Tweek squeeked in surpsrise. Her heart pounded furiously, as she heard Craig move over to her nightstand, yanking the drawer open and pulling out some items. She heard the rip of the condom packet, the pull of his zipper and the moist sound of lube being squeezed out. 

His hands grabbed her hips forcefully, hoisting her up so that she was on all fours. 

The same hands roughly shoved her skirt up and yanked her panties down. 

It had never been like this. 

Craig thrust his cock into her with such force that Tweek couldn’t help the cry that escaped her mouth. It hurt. 

Craig didn’t relent and started fucking her so hard that Tweek had to bite her bed sheet to stop herself from screaming.  He had her hips in a vice-like grip and she knew he would leave bruises. 

“You like that?” Craig panted between thrusts, slapping her ass hard. 

“It… hurts,” she all but cried out. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Craig warned. Her confession seemed to only make him go harder, faster. 

She was squeezing her sheets so tightly that her knuckles were white from the pressure.  

“Yeah,” Craig breathed, slapping her ass again, “You’re such a fucking slut.” 

Tweek’s eyes widened and a soft moan escaped from her lips - had he really just said that? A wave of pleasure pooled in her groin. Oh Jesus, why was that such a turn on? 

Craig’s thrusting became more urgent and she knew he was close. 

“Such a fucking slut,” Craig growled again, “Aren’t you?!” 

Tweek scrunched her eyes together. “Yes,” she choked out, “Yes!” 

Craig grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back, “Say it,” he snapped. 

“I’m a – ahhh - I’m a slut!” 

Craig pulled out of her and flipped her over so she was on her back. In one swift motion, he had pulled the condom off and was jerking his dick over her. Within seconds, Craig had covered her face in his cum.  

Fuck, there was a lot of cum.  

What no one had told Tweek, however, was how much it fucking hurt when you got a bit in your eye. Her eyes snapped shut, as a drop squirted straight into her eyeball.  

Ow. 

Tweek started to panic. The pain was intense. What if she ended up blind? How would she explain that to her parents, or the doctor? Blinded by semen. 

‘Sea men? Were you in the navy?’ She imagined someone asking her why she was rocking a glass eye like Mad Eye Moody. 

‘No, no. Semen. As in, cum. Cum to the eyeball.’ She would have to reply. 

She must have looked like a right state: On her back covered in cum with her eyes scrunched tightly shut. What was the protocol after someone had cum on your face? She only had one good eye and didn’t know whether or not she could make it to her bathroom, without biffing it and risking losing her other eye on a sharp corner. Also, she didn’t want Craig to see her using just one eye, like she was trying to give him a long, drawn out wink or something. Luckily she remembered the box of tissues on her nightstand and blindly reached out for one, knocking over several items in the process. 

She could hear Craig adjusting himself – the sound of his zipper going back up, the sound of his phone buzzing and Craig typing furiously back. 

“So, um, I have to go.” 

Tweek was in the middle of wiping the excess semen off her face. She still couldn’t open the soiled eye. 

“Oh. Okay,” she tried to mask her disappointment. Short and sweet - there would be no après sex today. 

“I’ll um, text you, yeah?” 

Tweek nodded with as much dignity as one could, with a facemask of cum and one eye. 

She couldn’t watch him leave even if she wanted to. But she still waited until she had heard the front door close, before she staggered into her bathroom to wash her face and rinse out her jizz-covered eyeball. 

What the fuck had just happened? 

Craig had literally fucked her and left…like she was…well…like she was a slut. She expected to see a $50 left for her on the nightstand. 

She really didn’t understand what the hell was going on with him lately. But she was determined to find out. 

 

* * *

 

 

Valentine’s Day fell on a Monday which was shit for Tweek, as it meant she couldn’t hide herself away in her bedroom and get through the day as she usually did – looking through old photo albums of her and Evelyn and watching things that reminded her of her best friend. 

Instead, she was forced to go to school. Her mom and dad had promised to be there when she got back home, even though she would rather be alone. She knew there was no arguing with them. They knew what day it was and deep down, she appreciated the sentiment. 

As she made her way down the hallway, she knew she was in for a long day. The hallways were draped with cut out red paper hearts and everywhere she turned, students were giggling happily, clutching their Valentine’s gifts. The school also had several student ‘cupids’ who were going around delivering cards and roses to people.  Tweek hadn’t even thought about Valentine’s day. To her, she would never be able to celebrate it, it would be like, a mockery of Evelyn’s memory or something. She hadn’t mentioned it to Craig and he hadn’t brought it up with her either. She was probably the only girl on the face of the earth who would be happy if her boyfriend forgot what day it was altogether. 

Tweek was stood at her locker, getting her books out for her first two classes when Craig sidled up to her. He hadn’t text her since Friday night, since he had fucked her and left….since she had been nearly blinded by his seed. Her eye twitched at the memory. Who knew jizz could cause so much pain?

She had promised herself she wouldn’t be the first to speak. 

“Hey,” he said after a while, like he had been expecting her to start the conversation again. 

“Hey,” she said impassively. She was getting pretty tired of Craig blowing hot and cold. She didn’t need to deal with his shit today. 

“So, I’m sorry about Friday, I had, like, an emergency.” 

Marj had already filled in Tweek about what had happened between her and Kenny and they had spent Saturday night bitching about both boys, who, they had found out, had gone to Token’s after all, getting absolutely shit faced in the process. That’s the thing about being a teenager when Snapchat was around. Everyone knew your business. 

“Mm-Hmm,” Tweek sounded in acknowledgement. 

“You’re not mad are you?” 

“Why would I be mad?” 

“I dunno?” 

“No, I’m not mad. Token’s party was probably way more fun anyway.” 

Craig’s eyes widened a fraction, as he realised she knew about Friday. 

Before he could think of a response, one of the cupids approached the pair. Craig rolled his eyes. He was used to getting cards and roses from his admirer’s every year. Last year, he had struggled to fit them all in his locker. Not that he hated it. Quite the contrary, but he thought he had to put on a show in front of Tallulah, like he was mad that girls liked him. 

Just as he expected, the cupid handed him a stack of cards and a dozen red roses. It was only then that he realised he hadn’t even acknowledged the day to Tallulah. Fuck. He was an idiot. 

Would it be a really dickhead move if he handed her the roses he had been given? Yeah. That probably wouldn’t go down well. ‘Here, have some flowers that other girls have bought for me because they want to suck my dick!’ 

He was scanning his brain for solutions when the cupid handed Tallulah five cards of her own and seven red roses.  _What the fuck._  

“What are these?” She asked the cupid with a puzzled look. 

“Cards and roses?” The student, who she recognised as a sophomore, replied. 

“No, I know what they are!” Tweek scoffed, “Who are they from?” 

The cupid shrugged his shoulders, “Secret admirers,” he said before turning on his heel and making his way down to the corridor to his next victim. Tweek watched as the dodgy wings drifted out of sight. 

Each of the roses had a tag on them with a short message. Tweek really wasn’t in the mood to read them and placed them into her locker carefully. On any other day, she would have been flattered to receive them, but today was not the day to be gushed over. 

She closed her locker door and was about to head to class when she realised that Craig was scowling at her. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“Like what?” 

Tweek sighed. She really wasn’t in the fucking mood, “I’ll see you later.” 

“Tallulah, wait!” Craig called out. He realised he was still holding the cards and roses and quickly stuffed them into his locker before catching her up. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said, before leaning down and kissing her. Really kissing her. Not one of the kisses he had been giving her lately, (the kisses that allowed him to keep his distance), but a deep kiss that left him wanting more. 

When he pulled away, Tweek shot him a small smile, “You too,” she said. 

He watched her walk away from him and he suddenly felt nervous. She was acting distant, like how he had been acting with her and he didn’t like it now that the shoe was on the other foot.  

Also, who the fuck had given her cards and roses? He bet one of them was from Kyle. In fact, he'd put his life on it. He didn’t like that other people had noticed her....that other people liked her.

She was his.

At least when it suited him.

* * *

 

“Lulu! How was school!” Her mom beamed at her as soon as she had walked through the door. 

Tweek could smell her mom’s cooking and knew she had made her, her favourite meal – it melted her heart a little bit. 

“It was fine,” Tweek smiled.

“Did you get many cards?” Her mom teased and when Tweek withdrew the stack of five from her bag and held up the seven roses in her hand, he mom squeeled with delight. 

“Are these from Craig?” 

“Oh, um, no… we didn’t… we decided not to get each other anything.” Lying always seemed to be the best option to her mom.

“So these are from secret admirers?” 

“Um, I guess so, yeah?” 

“How exciting!” 

They sat down for dinner, Tweek’s father joining them shortly after Tweek herself had got home. 

“Sorry, sorry! Traffic was a nightmare!” Richard Tweek chirped happily. Any other person would have been irritated by a traffic jam, but not her dad. Oh no. He often used bad traffic as another opportunity to think of ideas for the business – he actually seemed to thoroughly enjoy being stuck in a gridlock for an hour. 

“So Lulu, you know how we talked about Hawaii?” Her dad began. 

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want to go back to Disney?” Tweek teased hopefully. 

Richard raised his eyebrows at her, “Oh. I’m sure.” 

“Yeah, yeah, Hawaii?” Tweek said with a roll of her eyes. 

“Well, your mother and I were wondering if you’d like to bring along a friend?” 

Tweek stopped mid bite, her eyes flicking between parents. 

“We thought that you might like to bring Craig?” Her mom blurted out eagerly and Tweek could tell that she had been dying to ask her all night. 

Tweek blushed, “Oh, um, right.” 

“We’d pay, obviously.” 

Of course they would. Her mom had probably already booked a honeymoon suite for them.

“Um, that would be, that would be great. I’ll ask him,” Tweek smiled and nodded. She started conjuring up images in her head. Images of her and Craig in Hawaii. Beach Craig. Craig in a pair of swimshorts. Craig surfing. Craig sunbathing. Craig drinking from a pineapple. She didn’t exactly hate the idea.

 

* * *

 

She decided to open the cards when she was safely in her room. Her mom had been keen for her to open them downstairs but because they were from secret admirers, she didn’t know what to expect. Like, what if some anthrax had fallen out or something? Or worse, a jizz-filled condom?

The first card was a handmade card of a heart, covered in red glitter. It looked like it had been made by someone younger and the handwriting and grammar confirmed her suspicions that it must have been from someone from the accompanying Middle School. 

The message inside read, _**“To Talloola, I think your really pretty. Happy Valentines Day. Love ?”**_

It really made her smile and she decided she was going to stick it up on her noticeboard to remind herself whenever she was sad that someone thought she was pretty. 

The next two cards were generic, store bought creations that featured elaborate gushy poems in. Both just had her name at the top and a question mark at the bottom, so she didn’t have a clue who they could be from. It could have been anybody.

The fourth card was a gothic handmade creation featuring losts of black and red lace. She didn’t want to be big headed to assume it was from Pete but the message screamed Edgar Allen Poe realness. He had handwritten her a poem, rimming on how she was the golden light to his black soul and he would forever pine for her touch and her smile to warm his icy heart. 

She shuddered. He had probably written it in his own blood too.

The final card was her favourite card. It was a handmade replica of the card that Lisa had given Ralph in that episode of The Simpsons, with ‘I choo choo choose you’ on the front and a picture of a train. 

Inside the message read: ‘Tweek, I would always choose you. Happy Valentine’s Day x’ 

She felt herself heat up when she read the message. It had to be someone she knew. It definitely couldn’t have been Craig, as he refused to call her Tweek. It must have been Jason, as they often quoted The Simpsons to each other and shared the same humour. But would Jason really send her a card? And such an obvious card at that? 

She decided to display her cards on her shelf, apart from the glittery red heart, which she did indeed stick up on her notice board, next to her gymnastic medals and the pictures of her and Evelyn. 

It seemed quite fitting.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So, this is going to sound, um, like, so, my parents like, um,” she stammered, not knowing quite how to phrase what she wanted to ask him. 

He was stood by their lockers, watching her curiously. 

“So, like, you know how, okay. Like Spring Break is next week and um, well, I…um.” 

“Tallulah, what are you trying to say?” 

“I um, they…um, my parents, wanted to know, if you, like…if you wanted to like, come to Hawaii with us for, you know, Spring Break.” 

Craig blinked at her, “What?” 

“Like um, they said I could bring a friend and um, they thought it would be nice if my boyfriend came and like, um-” 

“-I’m not your boyfriend.” 

Tweek felt her cheeks flush with embarassement. 

“Oh.” She said in such a small voice she was surprised that he heard her. She looked at him, her eyebrows pinched together in confusion.  

“Tallulah, I’m not your boyfriend,” Craig repeated. His face was impassive, like he was telling her something trivial like it wasn’t a Thursday or something.  

It cut like a knife.

She tore her eyes away from his and looked down at the floor, breathing hard. Her insides felt like they were gonna fall out of her butt. She felt like an idiot. She was an idiot. 

“No, I know but like, well we are together and um-“ 

“-Tallulah, what do you think this is?” Craig uttered in such a condescending tone it made her squirm. 

Tweek furrowed her eyebrows, “What do you mean?” 

“I told you I didn’t want to label this.” 

“I know but-“ 

“But what?” 

“We…um…you…we hang out all the time…you gave me your jacket,” Tweek protested. 

“It’s just a jacket.” 

“Oh….right.” Tweek looked off to the side. Suddenly, she felt very stupid with her Hawaii proposal. 

They stood in silence, with the only sounds coming from the laughter and chatter of other students going past them in the hallway. 

“So what are we then?” She finally asked, still staring at the floor. In her peripheral vision she saw him shrug. Nothing. They were nothing. 

“Just two people fucking,” he offered coldly. 

She looked up at him in shock to find that his face was pressed into a hard glare.  Like she was irritating him. She quickly looked down and concentrated on breathing and stopping the tears that were quickly forming in her eyes. Oh god. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry._  

She swallowed hard, “Right.” 

She waited for him to say something, anything. But he didn’t. 

Tweek bit her lip before making the conscious decision to peel herself out of the jacket she was wearing. It didn’t feel quite right advertising the name of someone you were  _just fucking_. It might have been _just a jacket_ to Craig. But to her it had actually meant something. She held it out to him looking off to the side, staring into the distance, wishing that she had a fucking time machine. She was angry. Really angry. 

Craig stared at the jacket but made no attempt to take it from her. 

“What are you doing?” His voice changed from cold to showing slight concern. But it was so slight that he may as well have not bothered at all. 

“Take it.” Her voice was soft. She had wanted to lace it with poison, with hate, with bitterness. With every awful emotion ,she was currently feeling but she could barely choke out any words at all. 

Craig reluctantly closed his hand around the collar and Tweek immediately dropped her hand, relieving her of the burden. 

The silence that fell between them was deafening. 

“I-“ Craig began. 

“Don’t.” Tweek interjected biting her lip to stop herself from screaming. 

Craig blinked at her not knowing what to say. He had that stupid fucking conflicted face on him again. 

“I…“ Craig sighed in defeat and it was his turn to look away, “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” Tweek spat. She managed to look up at him, glaring defiantly.  

 _What are you sorry for, Craig? Are you sorry for leading me on? For taking my virginity? For promising things you didn’t fucking mean?_

“For giving you the wrong impression.” 

 _The wrong fucking impression?!_  

She wanted to scream. To punch him in the face, to knee him in the fucking balls.  

 _Fuck you. Fuck you, you fucking prick._  

Instead, Tweek laughed bitterly and nodded her head, “Yeah, me too.” 

Tweek tore her eyes away from him, staring down the hallway at nothing in particular. She turned before the first tear fell. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry, knowing that he was the cause of her anguish. 

Her heart was aching in the way it had done when she had lost Evelyn. The familiar numb feeling was quickly spreading through her, consuming her entire body. The all too familiar feeling of a broken heart. 

It wasn’t the first time she had walked away from Craig Tucker but she promised herself it would be the last.

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr, I'm GuestsWithoutBags <3


	17. First World Problems

“So was it big?” Tweek asked, sucking lazily on a straw.

Marj furrowed her brow, “What?”

“Bridon’s peen?”

“Oh, um, I can’t really remember, it was dark in the picture?”

“Did you not save it, so you could have a cheeky peek later?”

“No! Kenny was screaming at me with his own dick flailing about, I didn’t have time to ponder over Bridon’s!”

“Wait… he was naked!?”

“Yes! Full on naked, ranting at me with his cock and balls swinging all over the place.”

Tweek burst out laughing.

“Honestly! And I was stood there in those fucking nipple tassels trying to be mad but all I kept thinking was how ridiculous the situation was.”

“You didn’t tell me that!”

“Tweek, honestly! I appeared at the door ready to rock his world courtesy of Le Chateaux du Femmes, and instead, we had a blazing naked argument, with dicks and tits flying about all over the show.”

Tweek was laughing so hard it hurt.

It was their first day in Hawaii and they had spent the day lazing by the pool of their luxury resort on super squishy sun loungers. Tweek’s dad had surprised his daughter with their accommodation, as the hotel they were staying at was owned by Disney.

“Call it a compromise,” Richard Tweek had grinned, and Tweek had thrown her arms around him, giving him a kiss on the cheek, like a proper daddy’s little girl.

“Dicks and tits sounds like a saucy musical. We should write it, in the style of an erotic Guys and Dolls. You can play the lead, Dick von Titty,” Tweek said. Her fuck off pineapple-cum-cocktail had come to an end and she was making obscene slurping noises.

Marj raised her sunglasses, showing Tweek her eyes, “You had me at saucy.”

Tweek grinned, it felt wonderful being in paradise with her best friend. She had almost forgotten about he who shall not be named.

“Seriously though, what the fuck is my life?” Marj sighed, as though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her own cocktail was housed in a coconut, not a pineapple, and the umbrella and decorative streamers did nothing but add to the first world problem vibes.

“At least you weren’t blinded by his jizz,” Tweek offered, and the raven-haired Adonis crept back into her thoughts…. Bollocks. She wished she was like a PC, with a recycle bin that she could put all her memories of Craig into and then click empty and start a-fucking-gain.

Marj cringed, “Oooo…. Did you get it in your eye?”

Tweek nodded.

“Painful, isn’t it?”

“I’m not even lying, I thought that was my eye gone.”

Marj giggled hysterically. Their waiter approached them, taking their empty cocktails away and promising to be back with more. Tweek’s dad had told them to put everything on his tab, which they did because, fuck it. Why not?

“So, is that you and him finished then?”

Tweek nodded again, “Yep,” she said, popping the ‘p’ sound for added emphasis.

“For good?”

Tweek nodded yet again – all she seemed to be doing was nodding. To passers-by it might look like she had a condition, where she couldn’t stop moving her head. That or she was one of those nodding-dogs people had in their cars.

“Yeah. And it sucks because I miss him, and I hate that I miss him,” Tweek could feel herself getting upset which was ridiculous. They hadn’t even been official. They had been just two people…fucking.

Marj shot Tweek a sympathetic look, “For what it’s worth, Kenny told me that he was different with you.”

Tweek snorted.

“No, honestly, I noticed too. He really liked you, Tweek. He’s just an idiot.”

At that moment, Tweek and Marj’s phone buzzed with the same Snapchat notification from ‘QueenBebe’. They both looked at each other sceptically, before opening the clip.

Token was having his ‘Super Sexy Spring Soiree’ or more fondly known as 4S (which Tweek was pretty sure had also been an iPhone once upon a dream), and the video clip was a glimpse of the chaos. Tweek knew Token had a pool- she had a pool but it was seldom used, as was Token’s. However, he had obviously brought out the big guns for his 4S. Craig and Kenny were in the pool with two other football players. Each boy had a random girl on their shoulders and were playing that stupid game –the one where the girls wrestled each other and tried to knock the other one off. Basically an excuse for a softcore porn display and a feast for the boys’ eyeballs.

Marj and Tweek watched and listened as the girls squealed with giggles and the boys laughed heartedly. They were clearly fucking loving it. Craig was grinning from ear to ear as he and his random tart, took on Kenny and who, Tweek recognised, as Kelly Pinkerton.

When the video stopped, both girls fell silent.

Tweek was the first to speak, after their waiter had brought them fresh cocktails, she had a mind to ask him to take them back and lace them with what-the-fuck-ever. Tequila, vodka, cyanide. It didn’t matter.

“Yeah… He _really_ liked me.”

 

* * *

 

The week passed in a blur of cocktails, sunbathing and more cocktails. They had decided not to dwell on the 4S incident, only allowing themselves to wallow in self pity for the first night. Bebe had sent three more videos after her first, each just as bad and showing Craig and Kenny working the party, like they were extras in The fucking Wolf of Wall Street. In the last clip, Craig had his arm around two random girls, like he was a god damn pimp, and Bebe had captioned the video, ‘HBK back at it again :P’. He was probably looking for his eighth victim…or his eighth and ninth victim. He had probably had a threesome with the girls, in the pool…whilst Bebe filmed it.

Even though it had hurt like a bitch, it was probably best that Tweek found out the way she did. Weirdly, Bebe had done her a favour, as at least she saw it with her own eyes, and didn’t hear it through the grapevine. She had seen it for herself: Craig was a player and Marj and Kyle had been right all along. If only she had listened to their wise words and stayed away from him.

Marj had allowed herself to text Kenny one passive aggressive message, saying, “So having a half-naked girl on your shoulders is fine but receiving an unsolicited dick pic isn’t?”

He had quickly sent her a stream of grovelling messages, which she had all but ignored, turning her phone off and putting it in her suitcase where it had remained for the rest of the week. Tweek had been very impressed with Marj’s self-control - she wouldn’t have lasted ten minutes.

Tweek took the opposite approach to Marj, and instead of ignoring Craig, she decided to rub it in his fucking face, posting dozens of photos of her and Marj on her instagram.

They had agonised over the photos, taking an unhealthy amount of time setting up the shots, making sure they had the perfect angle, the right backdrop and a good amount of light. It was exhausting and Tweek had a new found respect for the Kardashians – it wasn’t as easy as it looked.

The photos ranged from them in their bikinis by the pool, to lazing at the beach (again in skimpy bikinis) and of course, hanging with the hot guys they had met through their surfing lessons. Each post had gained a hefty amount of likes and comments, ranging from ‘WOW’ to just reactions using the peach, eyeball and heart emojis. Secretly, Tweek was elated, as she knew that Craig would see them; he had yet to unfollow her, even though it was the first thing she had done, after she had given the jacket back. She knew she was being pathetic and petty but she couldn’t give a fuck.

 _‘Stick that in your fucking pipe and smoke it, Craig,’_ she thought.

Tweek had been delighted that one of the surfer dudes, Caleb, had long brown hair. It wasn’t as straight or as long as Craig’s was but it was still nice. Caleb wasn’t as buff as Craig, nor was he as good looking. But he was something that Craig wasn’t. He was kind.

They had flirted excessively; Tweek had been pushed off her board more times then she could count, and Caleb delighted in throwing her over his shoulder whenever they would play fight. Marj had managed to get a snap of Tweek on his back, laughing heartedly and Caleb looking up at her with a huge smile on his face. Tweek had posted it on her profile with a black and white filter and the hashtag #Aloha. Millie had quickly commented, ‘MODEL’, followed by Jimmy with, ‘Whatever you’re selling, I’m buying.’

They kissed once.

It was on Tweek and Marj’s final night. Caleb had asked Tweek to take a walk with him, leaving Marj to hang with the other two surfer dudes, Keiron and Josh. Keiron had taken a fancy to the blonde but, as always, Marj’s loyalty to Kenny won out and she had quickly distinguished any hope of a spring fling.

Despite not actually liking Caleb in _that way_ , Tweek said yes to his request, knowing exactly what would happen. So she wasn’t at all surprised when Caleb stopped her on the beach just as the sun was setting and the waves were gently brushing against the shore. If she had been into him it would have been quite romantic. When he leaned in, she didn’t fight it.

She’d like to say that she didn’t think of Craig as Caleb’s lips locked with hers.

She’d like to say that she didn’t think of Craig when Caleb’s hands pulled her body close to his and held her tightly.

And she’d like to say that she didn’t think of Craig at all. That the raven-haired boy never even crossed her mind.

But that would be lie.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenny was chewing his nail nervously, staring at the black screen of his cellphone, willing it to ring, to make a noise, to do anything! He hadn’t heard from Marj all week; his texts had gone unanswered and his calls straight to voicemail. They hadn’t spoken properly since their argument and he was worried. This wasn’t like Marj.

“What time do they get back?”

Craig’s words startled him - he had forgotten his best friend was even in the room which was stupid, as they were at Craig’s house.

“They landed 3 hours ago,” Kenny replied irritably. He was on edge. He was desperate to speak to his girlfriend…well, he hoped she was still his girlfriend. He wouldn’t blame her if she wasn’t…if she ended it with him. He had been a completed bellend to her.

“She’s probably not even home yet,” Craig offered kindly. He was doing his best to be nice to the blonde. Kenny had been a Debbie downer all week, as had he. But it was so out of character of Kenny that Craig didn’t know how to act or be around him.

“She’s home,” Kenny said sharply.

“How do you know?”

Kenny huffed and picked up his phone, opening Snapchat and clicking on Marj’s story. He thrust the phone at Craig who watched as Marj filmed Tallulah walking through the airport, wheeling her suitcase and pouting at the camera. Craig’s stomach flipped at the sight of the blonde and he inhaled sharply. It was one thing seeing pictures of the girl, it was another seeing a video of her. Marj had added three crying emojis and the words ‘Home time’ to the clip which she had posted three hours ago…Denver airport was only a two-hour drive away.

The video stopped and it took a while for Craig to speak. He wanted to watch the video again and then again, and then maybe….no definitely, again.

“Dude, she probably got home like half an hour ago…chill.”

Kenny snatched his phone back abruptly, “Fuck off, Craig. Unlike you, I actually give a shit about my girlfriend.”

Craig raised his eyebrows and a look of hurt washed over his face.

“Sorry…that was, um. Sorry, I’m just…” Kenny trailed off.

Craig did give a shit about Tallulah, he was just a horrible person who seemed to like to sabotage his own happiness.

“Everything is going to be fine-“

“-You don’t know that!” Kenny snapped, pausing to look at his phone again, “Why the fuck did Bebe have to add it to her story?!”

Craig and Kenny had both been moping when Token’s 4S had rolled around. Not wanting people to know something was up with them, they both plastered cheesy grins on their faces and had tried to be the life and soul of the party. Craig had always been good at pretending not to give a shit, it was one of his only talents.

Unfortunately, their plan had backfired spectacularly when Bebe Stevens had posted videos of the night to her Snapchat story and Tallulah and Marj had seen them.

At the time, they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong. It wasn’t like they had done anything with the girls apart from playing a stupid pool game. And okay, yeah, maybe Craig had put his arm around one or two junior girls but like, he was just being…friendly? What the fuck was wrong with that?

It turns out, there was a lot wrong with that, and Kenny and Craig had found out the hard way of why it wasn’t nice to flirt with other people. They were forced to endure a full week of Hawaii photos involving skimpy bikinis and boys that weren’t them. When Tallulah had posted the picture of her on a random boy’s back, Craig had launched his phone at his bedroom wall in a fit of rage. His screen now sported a nice crack in the top left hand corner – a constant reminder to Craig that he and Tallulah weren’t anything, anymore.

And it was all his fault.

He hadn’t told Kenny that Tallulah had asked him to go to Hawaii with her. He was too ashamed of himself and the way he had treated her. All he had told his best friend was that they were no longer seeing each other. When Kenny had pushed for a further explanation, Craig had merely shrugged his shoulders and looked away from the blonde, not wanting to meet his eye, not wanting Kenny to know that he was gutted.

But Kenny always knew.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The parking lot looked extra bleak as Tweek pulled in. She had grown accustomed to seeing vivid shades of oranges, blues and greens, and feeling that sweet, sweet Hawaiian heat on her face. But instead she was met with grey, white and more grey, and beyond freezing fucking temperatures. It was the first day back at school and she had the holiday blues badly. She hadn’t expected to enjoy Hawaii as much as she did but it had turned out to be one of the best weeks of her life. And now she was back in a cold and miserable South Park, having to attend high school and see people she really didn’t want to see.

Tweek dragged her feet to the entrance, walking at a snail’s pace from her car. She had clocked Craig’s Mustang when she pulled up and was hoping if she left it long enough, he wouldn’t be at his locker and she’d be able to get all her shit out of hers. She was planning to leave everything in her car from now on, as that way, she wouldn’t have to risk seeing him or speaking to him, or you know, breathe the same air as him.

Unfortunately for Tweek, Craig was where she didn’t want him to be. _Of course, he was._

Her heart started beating furiously and the familiar feeling of her stomach being punched returned – seeing him again in person was harder than she had thought it would be.

He was leaning against his locker with his eyes closed. At first she thought he was sleeping or maybe he had like…just died. But then he had slowly opened his eyes and tilted his head back, to stare at the ceiling, lost in thought.

She hated that she still found him attractive. Even watching the way he stared at the fucking ceiling made her swoon. But she didn’t have the familiar butterflies in her stomach that she usually had when she looked at Craig. This time when she looked at him, it was like she had given birth to her heart out of her arse. She hadn’t realised she was shaking until she tried to walk away. How did he have such a shitty effect on her?

Tweek decided to head to Kyle’s locker. She didn’t really need her books anyway… it’s not like she had English Lit first thin- oh fuck.

“Hey” she greeted the redhead, who had his face buried in his own locker.

Kyle peeled his head out and of the tin can and shot her a warm smile.

“Aloha! How was Hawaii?”

Tweek forced herself to return his smile, “It was good…great actually, um... Can I ask you a favour?”

“Yeah, sure, anything.”

“Could you maybe go to my locker and get some books for me?”

Kyle shot her a confused look.

Tweek bit her lip nervously, “It’s um, well, it’s just…Craig and I...um broke up…well we didn’t break up…you can’t break up if you were never together, right?” She laughed pathetically, “But um…well, we’re not…um…you know…and I can’t face him…I just... can’t and like, he’s holding my locker hostage.”

Kyle waited for her to finish and then nodded sympathetically. His first reaction had been to gloat, laugh harshly and scream ‘I told you so!’ in her face, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that to her, not when she looked so…sad.

“Of course, I’ll get your books. What’s your combination?”

Tweek smiled softly at him, grateful that he hadn’t scalded her for being so stupid, and took a pen and notebook out of her bag, scribbling down the digits for him.

“If you could like, get them all…I’m um, I’m gonna keep them in my car, so like, I don’t have to go back.”

“Tweek, don’t stupid, you can share my locker,” Kyle smiled his kind smile at her again.

Tweek raised her eyebrows, “Would you not mind?”

No he wouldn’t mind at all. In fact, Kyle would be delighted. It would make his fucking year if truth be told. Internally, he was screaming with happiness. Tweek and Craig were no more. No more Craig and Tweek. Kyle was desperately trying to hold back the grin that threatened to spill across his face. He shouldn’t be this happy that the object of his desire looked crushed. But he was. He was fucking ecstatic.

But he didn't let that show and somehow managed to keep his composure.

“Of course, I wouldn’t.”

 

* * *

 

“I’ve been a dick.”

Marj turned at the familiar sound of her boyfriend’s voice, pleased to find him standing in front of her with a remorseful look on his face. She thought he looked adorable, like a sad puppy. Kenny was hardly ever sad, it was a look that didn’t really didn’t suit him.

“Well that’s one way of saying hello,” she smiled a small pity smile at him.

“I…um…I…Look, I’m sorry, for like everything. The argument, the, the party…everything,” Kenny said earnestly.

Marj nodded her head, she didn’t want to accept Kenny’s apology so quickly but she was having trouble looking at his heartbroken face. She wanted to be mad at him, she really did, but her desire to hug and comfort him was quickly winning out.

“I was a dick, a complete dick and, and, I didn’t mean what I said. I’m so proud of you for getting the main part... and I don’t want you to give it up, I was just…angry and I’m sorry...I'm really fucking sorry.”

Marj swallowed hard. Kenny was getting emotional which was making her emotional.

“I love you and I’m _so_ proud of you,” Kenny uttered, his voice breaking at the end. Marj noticed that his eyes had become glassy with tears.

“Fucking hell, Ken! Don’t cry, you’ll set me off!” Marj exclaimed, finally cracking and stepping forward, throwing her arms around him.

Kenny accepted the hug easily, squeezing her tight, not wanting to ever let her go again.

“So, you’re not going to leave me for one of your Hawaiian hunks?”

Marj knew Kenny was trying to crack a joke to lighten the mood but she still picked up on the insecurity that laced his voice. She was secretly happy, as her and Tweek’s plan had worked after all. Kenny was clearly bothered.

She forced herself to sigh sympathetically, “Kenny, I love you. Don’t be an idiot.”

“So we’re okay then?”

Marj pulled away from him and smiled, “Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

Kenny nodded and grinned, the sadness fading quickly from his features. This was the Kenny she was used to.

“Ok…so how much time should I give it before I can ask you to wear that thing again?”

Marj grinned back at him, “What thing?” She asked, knowing full well what thing he was referring to.

“Um…like the tassels and the suspenders…”

“I didn’t think you noticed!”

“Marj, darling. I might have been angry but I’m not fucking blind.”

Marj giggled, “Well, I think it’s you who needs to make it up to me, don’t you?”

Kenny frowned at her, “Babe, I love you and everything. But I’m not wearing nipple tassels for you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Craig and Kenny ambled over to their usual spot in the cafeteria. Craig was pleased to see that Clyde was already talking animatedly to Stan and Token. He was in no mood to start any conversation today.

“In fact, a lot of people think, they never were extinct. The amount of sightings is staggering, they have to be out there!”

“What’s out there?” Kenny grinned, plonking himself down in his usual seat and snatching Craig’s rucksack from him.

“Clyde’s talking about Tasmanian Tigers again,” Stan said with a fed-up look on his face.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, not again,” Kenny rolled his eyes. He was digging his and Craig’s lunch out of the bag. Craig noticed he was in a significantly better mood and knew he had patched things up with Marj.

“It’s fucking fascinating!” Clyde protested.

“Clyde, you really need to stop this obsession with things that aren’t real. We humoured you about Big Foot and even tolerated the 'Loch Ness Monster' photos, but I’ll be fucked, if I have to listen to another story of how someone may, or may not have seen something that resembled a dog or fox or dingo that could have actually been a fucking tiger that was declared extinct 100 years ago. Let the dream go, dude.”

Craig watched as Clyde pouted harshly and he could tell that the boy was scanning his brain for a good comeback argument. They might be waiting a while.

Craig allowed his eyes to wander over to the table… _her_ table… but he was gutted to find that Tallulah wasn’t there. She had been in Biology and it had been one of the longest hours of Craig's life. She had acted as though he didn’t exist, and when the bell had rang, he had never seen anyone move as fast in his life.

“Yo, HBK! Is it true you and the new girl broke up?”

Cartman’s loud voice snapped Craig’s attention back to his own table and he looked up to see that the fat boy had appeared, clutching his usual lunch tray, piled high with enough food to feed five people.

“Cartman, she’s been here since October, she’s not exactly new anymore-”

“Fuck off, Stan!” Cartman interrupted with a sharp glare, before turning his attention back to Craig. Craig forgot just how much of a dick, Cartman could be.

“So is it true?”

Craig shrugged his shoulders impassively, trying to look like he didn’t give a shit.

“I thought you weren’t going out?” Stan sneered.

“We weren’t.”

“So how can you like, break up?”

Craig glared at him and Stan looked back down to his lunch. _That’s right, Marsh. Wind your fucking neck in,_ Craig thought.

“So she’s single then?” Cartman continued.

“How the fuck should I know?” He questioned angrily. He wanted it to come across like he was annoyed that Cartman was bothering him about a trivial matter. Instead it came across like he gave a shit. _Fuck._

Cartman grinned, knowing he had got to the boy, “I’ll take that as a yes." 

“You don’t think you actually have a chance with her, do you?” Kenny piped up, laughing at Cartman's delusion.

“Fuck you, you poor piece of shit. I’ve got more of a chance than you do!” Cartman spat, his anger turning into an evil sneer, “Oh, I forgot, you’re fucking that freaky bitch, Stotch.”

Kenny clenched his fists and Craig put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder and gently shook his head, wordlessly communicating to just leave it. There was no point. Cartman loved to rile people up, whether they were his ‘friends’ or not, and if Kenny acted bothered, he would never hear the end of it.

“Yeah, well, me and the boys’ have a bet who can bang the new girl first.”

“Which boys?” Clyde asked through a mouthful of food. Craig wished he would stop doing that, he really didn’t need to see mashed up versions of whatever the fuck he was eating. He was already put off his food, he didn’t need any more help in that department.

“Bill and Fosse.”

Of course they had made a fucking bet. Bill and Fosse were the worst. They were South Park High’s school bullies and seemed to be trapped in a constant state of pubescent immaturity.

“It shouldn’t be too hard. The photos she posted from Hawaii clearly say that she’s down to fuck. I just hope HBK hasn’t left her too loose.”

Token, Stan, Craig and Kenny all scowled, Cartman certainly had a way with words. Clyde, on the other hand, seemed to be on another fucking planet.

“Anyways gaywads, I’ll see you at practice,” Cartman grinned and sauntered away from them.

"Fucking asshole," Kenny muttered, watching him waddle to his seat, "Why are we even friends with that fuck?"

The table fell silent with most of the inhabitants reeling from Cartman's words. Craig would rather die than let anyone near Tallulah and if anyone tried, he was going to make it his business to ensure they wouldn’t succeed, especially not Cartman, Bill or fucking Fosse.

“It’s not a dream, Kenny. There are many people who still believe that the Thylacine exists," Clyde stated defiantly. 

The whole table turned to gawk at him.

“What are you talking about?! What the fuck is a Thylacine?” Kenny demanded. They were all staring at him, like he had just spoken fluent Japanese.

“That’s the scientific name for the Tasmanian Tiger.”

The table groaned and rolled their eyes, a part from Kenny who was looking at the boy like he had just called his mother a whore.

“Fuck off, Clyde.”

 

* * *

 

Kenny had reluctantly agreed to go to Bebe’s to rehearse their scenes together, after dodging several of her previous invitations. Unfortunately, the play was less than two weeks away and he knew he didn’t really have a choice unless he wanted to look like a dickhead on stage. He had made sure to check with Marj that she was happy with the arrangement, before saying yes to ample-bosomed blonde. Marj had agreed almost immediately and it was another reminder to Kenny, how bad of a boyfriend he was to her. She trusted him completely.

“Hey babe, come in!” Bebe greeted him with a smile.

Kenny had been in Bebe’s house many times in the past. They had dated on and off in Grades 8 and 9, before he had grown bored with her and started chasing after his current girlfriend, Marjory Stotch. Bebe hadn’t taken the rejection well and Kenny knew that she still held some resentment towards him and a lot towards Marj.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Bebe – she was a very attractive girl. It’s just…she did nothing for him.

Bebe led the way upstairs to her overly feminine bedroom and Kenny took a seat on the only non-pink piece of furniture in the room – Bebe’s white computer chair, shrugging his jacket off in the process. Bebe sat down on her bed and stared at him with an alluring smile on her face.

“So,” she chirped after a while. She seemed to be in a very happy mood. Kenny wasn’t sure if his mind was playing tricks on him, but he could have sworn she was wearing different makeup to what she had on at school. In fact…her hair was different too…and she had definitely changed her clothes. She was wearing a very tight tank top and…oh god… No bra. Her erect nipples were clearly visible through the thin red fabric… she might as well have not be wearing a top at all. Kenny gulped and tore his eyes away.

“Yeah, so should we just like …um….crack on?” he said awkwardly. It was unnerving him the way she was smiling at him. It was like she was preparing to eat him or something.

Bebe grinned wickedly, “Sounds good!”

Kenny shuddered.

 

* * *

 

 

“So, cool. Is that…are we done?” Kenny said quickly, as they finished their final scene.

“Um, yeah, I guess so but…”

“But what?”

“I don’t want us to look stupid on stage.”

Kenny furrowed his eyebrows, “And…we won’t?”

“Kenny, we haven’t practised the kissing scenes and the show is two weeks on Wednesday.”

Oh fuck. Here they go.

Kenny sighed, “Bebe, we both know how to kiss.”

“Yeah but like, we haven’t kissed each other…”

Kenny raised his eyebrows at her.

“Well, not recently! It will look fucking awkward on stage if we don’t practice.”

Kenny sighed again. He knew she was right. It was one thing kissing when it was just the two of them but when you were on stage being watched by hundreds of people, you had to know what you were doing… What if they both leant the same way, or banged noses. What if he went for a peck and she committed to a full on smooch. Fuck. They _would_ have to practice.

“Fine.”

Bebe looked thoroughly delighted at his admission and quickly prepared herself, tossing her hair out of her face and standing tall, thrusting her breasts out.

They ran through the first of the two kissing scenes and when the moment arrived, Kenny quickly dove in with what he hoped was going to be a quick but sellable kiss.

Unfortunately, Bebe had other ideas and latched onto Kenny as soon as his lips brushed against hers. She pulled him close and was pressing her tits and hips into him. At first, Kenny gave her the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe she was overacting, but it wasn’t long before her tongue slipped into his mouth and her hand travelled south towards his.... Kenny pulled away rapidly.

“Bebe, what the fuck!?”

“What? We have to make it believeable!” She said innocently, as though grabbing his dick was in the fucking script.

Kenny shot his hand to his mouth, rubbing his jaw, “That wasn’t acting, Bebe.”

Bebe studied his face and Kenny realised she was gauging his reaction, looking for a sign.

He sighed, “Bebe, you and I will never be together… you know that, right?”

The blonde girl’s face fell slightly and a light blush graced her high cheekbones, “I was acting, Kenny. God, get over yourself,” she said indigently.

Kenny made a move towards his jacket, “I should go,” he mumbled, thrusting himself into the garment and making a beeline for the exit.

Bebe watched him leave, knowing full well she had made an ass out of herself. She knew Kenny wouldn’t tell anyone. Clyde was one of his best friends and he wouldn’t want to hurt him. Plus, if he told anyone, she would deny it. Clyde already suspected the blonde boy had it bad for her, and if Kenny was stupid enough to try and take her down, she would go kicking and screaming.

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh my god! I am so sorry about that picture. Like honestly, I don’t know how it happened. I’m so embarrassed!”

Marj and Bridon were stood on stage in the auditorium waiting for Mrs Bergstein to appear. She wanted to run through the opening scene with them both, to make sure they knew what they were doing.

They hadn’t properly seen each other since the dick pic episode, as Marj had avoided him as best as she could. She had still gone to rehearsals but had made sure that she wasn’t left alone with him out of respect for Kenny.

“It’s fine, honestly, don’t worry about it,” Marj said quickly, wanting to gloss over the dick pic as quickly as possible.

An awkward silence decended upon them and Marj didn’t really know what to say. They had both been reminded of the elephant in the room. The elephant being, Bridon’s penis.

“So, anyway, how was Hawaii?” Bridon said, trying to break the tension.

Marj's face lit up at the memory of her vacation, “Hawaii was amazing, I had such a good week.”

Bridon nodded, “Yeah, it looked incredible! You looked incredible!”

Marj smiled, "Aw, thanks," she said awkwardly. She was a little creeped out that Bridon seemed to have seen all of their Hawaii photos. After all, they left little up to the imagination. She didn’t really know what to say to him after that and the awkward silence came back with a vengeance.

Luckily, Mrs Bergstein burst through the doors not long after and the rehearsal began.

Marj was confident that it was going to be a really good show. She had practised her lines and choreography every single night and in her own mind, she was Sandy.

Mrs Bergstein was very happy with the pair of them and when they kissed at the end of the first scene, she shouted, “Yes! Goosepimples!” Whatever that meant.

Marj and Bridon had practised their kissing scenes a few times, although she had kept this knowledge safely from Kenny, not wanting to cause another meltdown.

As they were packing up, Bridon approached Marj again, “So, like, what are you doing tonight? Do you want to rehearse some more?”

“Actually, I’m seeing Kenny. We haven’t seen each other since, um, since,” Marj nearly blurted out ‘since the night you sent me a snap of your peen’ but stopped herself just in time, “Since I got back, so…” she trailed off, hoping that Bridon would put two and two together.

“Oh. Yeah... that’s, that’s cool. Just let me know when you’re free.”

Marj smiled at him, in the same way she had done when he had revealed he had perved on all their Hawaii photos. She couldn’t help but think he was a little disappointed that she wasn’t available. Maybe Kenny was right. Maybe the dick pic _was_ intentional.

 

* * *

 

The week had passed agonisingly slow and by the time Friday rolled around, Tweek was convinced they had been back at school for a month, not just a week.

It had been absolute torture trying to avoid Craig. It was like God knew that she didn’t want to see him, so had made it his business to ensure the noriette popped up wherever the fuck she went.

It didn’t help that Wendy had asked her to cheer again for the ‘big game’. She wanted to say no and to tell Wendy to shove her spanky pants up her arse but she was still too socially awkward to do that. So instead, she nodded like the dickhead she was and found herself walking into school with her half up/half down hair do and the ridiculously revealing cheer uniform.

“So what are your plans after the game?” She asked Kyle, putting in the combination to his locker and opening the door.

Kyle smiled at the action, he secretly loved that they were sharing his locker, “I don’t really have any?”

“Really? You won’t be celebrating or consoling Stan?” She teased.

Kyle cocked his head, “Well, if they win, Stan will want to get shit faced at Token’s. And if they lose, Stan will want to get shit faced at Tokens,” he delivered sarcastically. He had only ever attended one of Token’s parties when he was a junior and it had been the worst experience of his life. He had vowed never again and even his best friend couldn’t persuade him to change his mind.

Tweek smiled, “I see. Well…do you wanna hang out or something?”

Kyle tried not to act too excited but failed miserably, “Yeah, that would be… yeah, cool!” He all but screamed in her face.

“Yeah, I was thinking we could have a gaming session and order pizza?”

“Cool. Do you want me to ask Jimmy, Kevin and Jason?”

Tweek raised her eyebrows in surprise, “Oh, I meant like just me and you…I’m not in the mood for like a party…party, you know?”

Kyle was speechless. Sure, he and Tweek had hung out alone before but it was always to do homework…it was never like… _just to hang out_. His brain momentarily short-circuited and he looked at her blankly, unable to respond.

“Kyle?” Tweek pressed lightly with a slight concerned look on her face, fearing he had had, like a stroke or something.

Kyle quickly snapped out of his trance, “Yeah, Yeah! That sounds great, awesome!”

“Cool,” Tweek smiled a kind smile at him and closed their locker door, “My mom convinced Miss Mason to let me drive to Denver instead of getting the shitty bus, so I can drive us back as soon as the game’s finished.” Tweek had pleaded with her mom to ring their cheer coach with a white lie that Tweek was going to meet her and her dad straight after the game. She couldn't bear to be sat on a coach with Craig for four hours...even if they didn't sit together. It was bad enough that she was going to have to be in the same vicinity of him, let alone being forced to cheer for him.

“Cool, I’ll just wait for you afterwards, just text me where you are.”

Tweek nodded, “Okay. So, I’ll see you tonight.”

“You will,” Kyle said with a genuine grin. He watched as Tallulah headed to her next class and waited until she was out of sight before heading off to his own, the grin still prominent on his face, as he thought about the night ahead. It was only when he looked up that he saw Craig Tucker staring at him from the other end of the hallway. Kyle’s grin quickly dissolved and his face contorted into a look of disdain, as the two stood glaring at each other.

Kyle wasn’t sure how much time passed but when the late bell rung, he finally caved and tore his eyes away from the boy, walking to his class, afraid to tarnish his perfect attendance record.

Craig made no effort to move. He didn’t take his eyes off the redhead, and even though, Kyle had his back to him, he still felt Craig’s eyes on him the whole way.

 

* * *

 

The sound of the roaring crowd was deafening as the final whistle sounded. The stadium floodlights illuminated the hundreds of faceless parents, friends and fans who were screaming at the top of their lungs, because for the first time in in a long time, the South Park Cows had won. They were state champions.

Craig threw his helmet down, sprinting as fast as he could onto the field, to where Kenny stood, having just scored the winning touch down for the Cows. He could feel his teammates behind him, biting at his heels but he was too quick for them to catch him, the adrenaline coursing through his veins, giving him a surge of power he didn’t think he had in him. He threw himself at the blonde who was motionless, staring at the crowd in disbelief, the ball still in his hands, and tackled him to the ground, engulfing him in a hug.

Kenny let out an ‘oof’ sound before bursting into elated laughter and for the briefest of moments, it was just the two of them, sharing a memory they would never forget. When the rest of the team caught up with them, Craig and Kenny had the breath knocked out of them as the rest of the players piled on top of one another in a tangle of euphoric limbs, wanting to be as close to each other as physically possible. They had done it, as a team. They were champions and it was a fucking good feeling.

After milking their celebrations for as long as they possibly could, the team finally made their way off the field. Craig was carrying Kenny on his back, the ball held proudly above the blonde boy’s head, as though it had been the MVP, winning the game for them. Craig knew that Kenny would keep that ball forever and he couldn’t exactly blame him.

When they exited the changing rooms, they were subjected to what felt like a never ending stream of praise; parents, peers and players gushed over them and Craig felt like a god damn celebrity.

His mom couldn’t speak, she was that proud of him and instead, threw her arms around him, in that way moms did to express their love and adoration. When she had finally let go, his dad took her spot, embracing him in a tight hug and patting him on the back.

“Well done, son,” Thomas Tucker simply said but Craig knew that his dad was thrilled.

“Thanks, Dad,” Craig smiled.

Even Trisha hugged him and Craig didn’t know whether to be shocked or happy. She rarely showed him any affection.

“Where’s Ken?” Thomas asked and Craig turned to scan the large crowd for his best friend, who had darted off at the first sign of Marj.

Craig’s eyes were flitting around the hoards of people, searching for the familiar messy blonde locks, when they unwillingly landed on a pair of striking emerald green eyes.

His heart stopped and he took a deep breath, as his eyes locked with Tallulah Tweek’s, who also seemed to be scanning the crowd in search of someone.

He watched as her eyes widened at the sight of him and noticed that she too, took a deep breath.

They stood staring at each other and Craig momentarily forgot that he was surrounded by hundreds of people.

He was just about to walk over to her, when a mane of deep red curls obstructed his vision.

Craig’s heart sank, as Tallulah walked away with Kyle Broflovski.

“Can you see him?” Thomas called out to Craig.

Craig kept his eyes firmly fixed on the blonde. When she turned her head back to look at him one final time, he didn’t look away.

“No. No I can’t.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kyle really liked Tweek’s room. He liked it for a number of reasons. He liked the fact that it wasn’t overly girly – there was an abundance of movie and music posters on the wall, as well as a sweet video games set up, that balanced out the hoard of make up and the very organised but very feminine closet. He also liked how big it was, it was like a mini apartment and Kyle couldn’t help but be a little bit jealous – she even had her own bathroom for Christ’s sake! But the main reason Kyle liked Tweek’s room was that it gave him a glimpse into her life. He loved to look at the noticeboard above her dressing table. It was always the first thing he looked at whenever he was in her room, and he was always excited to see whenever she had added to it, as she only really put things on there that meant something to her. He had been delighted that she had added the group photo from Halloween. He felt like he had made the cut, like she thought he was special or something. Today, Kyle noticed a few new additions to the board including…wait why did that heart look really familiar…

"Oh my god! It was for you!?" Kyle shouted suddenly, causing Tweek to jump out of her skin.

"Jesus Christ, Kyle, what?!"

Kyle had approached her noticeboard, his hands reaching for the red heart card.

"He wouldn't tell me who it was for!"

Tweek looked thoroughly confused, "Who?!"

"Ike!"

Tweek's eyes widened and a grin formed on her face, "Your brother!?" 

Kyle peeled the card off the noticeboard and opened it to read the message, "Oh my god! You know, he got glitter everywhere, like all over the house. My mom was so mad." Kyle shook his head, grinning and fell silent for a moment whilst he read the message, "Oh Jesus Christ, look how he's spelt your name!"

"It's cute!”

"I can't wait to rip on him for this."

"You can't! That's so cruel!" Tweek protested.

“I can’t believe he has a crush on you!”

Tweek pretended to look offended, “Why? Am I that hideous?”

Kyle blushed with embarrassment, “No! I just meant…that, well no, you’re the opposite of hideous, I just meant…”

Tweek grinned mischieviously at him as he stuttered through his excuses. Kyle realised she was winding him up and shot her a scowl.

“Oh, fuck off!”

 

* * *

 

Craig was fucked. 

On a scale of one to drunk he was somewhere between absolutely wasted and possibly dead. 

He had gone big and it was probably time for him to go home.

Craig had drank for a few reasons. One, to celebrate being a state champion and accepting Michigan’s offer. Two, because everyone else seemed to have the same idea - Stan currently had his head in a toilet bowl, Clyde was dancing in nothing but his boxers, and Kenny - well, he didn’t know where the fuck Kenny was. But the point was, everyone was a hot mess. Even Token had let loose and was currently breakdancing to Run DMC, living up to one of the black stereotypes he tried so hard to shy away from.

The third and final reason Craig had gotten drunk off his ass, was to try and take his mind off Tallulah Tweek. 

He was still reeling from how things had ended between them. He knew it was his fault. He was an idiot in every sense of the word and he had fucking blown it. He had had her and he had lost her, and he had no one to blame but himself.

He wanted to fix things between them but he didn’t know how. She never came to her locker anymore and whenever he did see her, she was always surrounded by her friends, like they were keeping her guarded or something. He had wrote out so many texts to her that went unsent…so many groveling apologies that he deleted like the coward he was. He had even tried to write her a fucking letter. He was terrible with words though and couldn’t quite convey what he wanted to say. She probably wouldn’t take him back anyway. Even if he had Shakespeare’s writing talents. He had been a grade A dick to her, and for what? Because she had the audacity to refer to him as her boyfriend? Because he didn’t want people to know that he actually cared for someone? Because he didn’t want to risk getting his heart broken?

Craig was an idiot.

So he drank. He drank to forget. He drank to block out his misery and the memory of the last moment they had properly shared. And then he drank some more, because he didn’t even want to remember his own name. He wanted to black out, to become numb. He wanted to forget.

After what was probably his tenth glass of Jack and coke, Craig seemed to have gotten his wish. He was having difficulty focusing on anything. He was at that horrible level of drunkenness where all you can feel is dizziness, all you can see is random images and all you can hear is muffled voices, like nothing was registering with him properly. When he looked back on this tomorrow, several scenes would definitely be missing.

Craig doesn’t remember how it happened. He couldn’t tell you where he was or what he was doing before but all he knows is that suddenly a pair of lips were on his and he was making out with someone.

He hoped it was Tallulah.

 

* * *

 

Tweek’s tongue was stuck out in concentration, her eyes glued on the screen. She had forgotten how to do basic commands like blinking or breathing.

But this was way too important for trivial things such as keeping herself alive through the inhalation of much needed oxygen.

She had to beat Kyle on Mario Kart.

Her phone buzzed and Tweek's eyes flickered to the notification. A snapchat notification sat waiting for her from 'QueenBebe’. Her heart stopped. This couldn't be anything good. The last time Bebe had snapchatted her, she had to watch a semi-naked Craig with a bikini-clad girl on his shoulders.

She finished the race, beating Kyle easily, after a fair few mishaps meant that the redhead couldn’t recover, and picked up her phone as soon as she could. She didn't pay attention to Kyle's tongue-in-cheek insults about how she cheated and how he wanted a rematch so he could annihilate her, they were drowned out by the sound of her own heart which was pounding in her ears. She swiped the notification, holding her breath as she did so.

The video was dark and it took her a minute to see what was happening but when her eyes adjusted to it, she saw it as clear as day. 

Craig and Wendy.

If she could describe the feeling she felt as she watched the two of them make out, she would have said it was like having your heart ripped out, your stomach punched and your face slapped, all in one go. 

She was devastated.

Kyle finished the race and turned to her grinning, expecting her to goad him into an argument over her superior gaming skills. The smile quickly faded from his face as he realised Tweek looked gutted. She had her phone held loosely in her hand but was staring at her knees.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked softly and as he did so, Tweek's phone buzzed again. Another snap from Bebe.

She held her phone out to him and he knew it was a silent demand to watch the video she had just been sent. He took it off her gently, watching it with concentration, his blank face falling into a frown as he realised what was happening.

Kyle didn't wait for the video to end. He had seen enough. He clicked the button for the homescreen and set the phone down on the carpet.

"They deserve each other," he said bitterly, hoping his words would offer some comfort to the blonde who was still staring at her knees. When she remained silent, Kyle tried again.

"Tweek, you are so much better than her, you are so much better than him. He just, he, never realised what he had with you. If he can choose Wendy over you, he...he's an idiot. A fucking idiot. Anyone would choose you - I'd choose you!" Kyle stopped his passionate rant, grateful that he had made a small smile creep onto Tweek's face, "I'd always choose you," he concluded softly.

Tweek lifted her head up slowly to look at the redhead, "What?"

"I just...I just meant that, you know, there is no comparison between you and Wendy-"

"-No, the last thing."

"Um, I'd choose you?"

Tweek cocked her head at him, "The card."

"What?"

"The valentine's card...it was from you."

Kyle flushed crimson and looked away, "I...um..." 

Tweek studied his face and a look of realisation slowly washed over her, "You like me."

It wasn’t a question. It was a fact.

Kyle swallowed hard.

 

* * *

 

 

This wasn’t right.

It was wrong. So wrong. What the fuck was he doing?

Even in his drunken haze, Craig knew. He knew that the girl he was kissing wasn’t the girl he wanted to kiss.

He yanked his head away and pushed his hands out harshly, connecting with the girl who he had been attached to. The force made her stagger back.

“Craig, what the fuck!?” He heard a familiar voice shout.

No. It wasn’t. Please tell him it…Oh god.

He willed himself to focus but he was so fucked all he could see was a blur of colour.

“I don’t want you! You’re not her!” He screamed in the direction of the blob of colour he assumed was Wendy Testaburger.

Craig felt her hand on his arm and violently jerked away from her touch.

“Craig-“

“No! You’re not her!” He repeated, sliding down the wall as drunken tears began to fall down his face.

“You’re not her!” He screamed one final time, letting his head fall against his knees and wrapping his arms around himself, in an effort to sooth the wracking sobs that were falling out of his mouth and making his whole body shudder.

He doesn’t remember seeing the heartbroken look on Wendy’s face. He also doesn’t remember Kenny rushing to his side to console him. And he certainly doesn’t remember telling his best friend that he was in love with Tallulah Tweek.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kyle didn't speak, he didn't look at her. His eyes were darting around the room, as if he was searching for something to say to salvage the situation.

"Kyle..."

Reluctantly, the redhead turned back to face her and for what felt like the first time, Tweek actually looked at Kyle. She looked at the soft red curls of his hair, the way his freckles were splattered across his nose, how his bright green eyes twinkled and how the flush of embarrassment was obvious against his porcelain skin. In his own way, Kyle was beautiful and he would choose her. He would always choose her. And in that moment, she needed to be chosen.

She didn't think of Craig when she leant over to Kyle, smashing her lips against his.

She didn't think of Craig when Kyle pulled her close, kissing her back fervently, like he had been waiting forever for the chance.

She didn’t think of Craig when she felt Kyle's obvious arousal, pressing into her, making her feel wanted, desired, needed.

And she didn’t think of Craig when she took hold of Kyle’s hand and led him to her bed.

 

 

 


	18. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeyyyyyyyy, so first of all like sorry and all that jazz for how late this chapter is. It was the final week of term at the school I work at and like, literally, all the days just merged together. So yeah. Sorry.
> 
> Also, I'm not really sorry, I really didn't wanna rush this chapter, I kind of wanted to do it justice.... 16,000 words worth of justice.
> 
> Anyway, as always thanks for reading :) I hope you enjoy.

It felt like someone was using a jackhammer on his skull and his mouth was drier than the Sahara desert, as Craig finally opened his eyes. He took in his surroundings, annoyed to find out that he wasn’t in the comfort of his own bedroom but in one of the Black’s swanky guest rooms. He groaned. He was going to have to actually stand up and crawl home so that he could have the pleasure of dying in his own bed. Kill him now.

His tongue felt dry and fuzzy and the remnants of Jack and coke still lingered in his mouth from the night before. It wasn’t a pleasant taste.

He really needed a glass of water…and a lobotomy.

“Good morning, sunshine!” A voice he recognised as Kenny’s chirped all too happily. The sound reverberated around Craig’s skull and he cringed inwardly.

“Is it?” Craig asked groggily, his voice cracking at his first attempt of speaking.

“Here,” Kenny smiled, thrusting a glass of water and two aspirin into his hand.

Craig wanted to tell Kenny that he loved him, that he had saved his life, that he was the best person on the fucking planet, and what the fuck had he done to deserve him as a best friend, but instead, he made a low guttural sound that came out of him like an angry bear, as he pulled himself into a sitting position.

“You’re welcome,” the blonde grinned, watching as Craig practically inhaled the water and pills.

As soon as Craig had drained the glass, he led back down, burying his face into his pillow, praying for the sweet release of death.

He had never been this hungover.

He couldn’t remember a fucking thing. The last memories he had involved carrying Kenny on his back, showering with the whole team whilst singing and chanting, not giving a fuck about the fact that everyone had their junk out, and seeing Tallulah walking away with Kyle. After that everything faded to black.

“How are you feeling?” Kenny teased, knowing full well that Craig felt like shit.

“Kill me.” Craig groaned into his pillow.

“You’ll probably kill yourself when I tell you about last night.”

Craig groaned again. Fuck. What the fuck had he done? More importantly, who the fuck had he done. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He bet it was Heidi. Cartman was going to kill him.

“Who?”

“Well…you made out with Wendy-“

“UGHHHHHHHHHH!” Craig cried out into the pillow. Oh god fucking damn it. He must have been paralytic. There was no other explanation. 

“Yeah…” Kenny sighed. “And, um…well…you got quite emotional.”

Craig suddenly sat bolt upright, ignoring the feeling of his brain smashing against his skull.

Emotional!?

Emotional about Wendy fucking Testaburger!?

“What do you mean!?” Craig demanded with urgency, a horrified look secured to his features.

“Well…you started crying…”

Craig inhaled sharply. Craig Tucker did not cry.

“And…well, you kind of confessed your love for Tink,” Kenny delivered delicately. He watched as Craig’s eyes widened.

They sat in silence whilst Craig processed the information his best friend had just given him. It was the worst news Craig had ever woken up to, and that included the time he awoke to find that his beloved pet guinea pig, Stripe, had croaked it overnight.

“Who saw?” Craig finally said in a low voice, closing his eyes slowly, like he could erase last night’s events.

Kenny winced, “I’m not gonna lie…a lot of people.”

Craig scrunched his eyes together and cringed hard. So not only had people seen him cry, they had also heard him declare his love for Tallulah Tweek…fan-fucking-tastic.

“UGHHHHH!” Craig sounded again, putting his head into his hands. He really hated his fucking life.

Kenny nodded solemly, “Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

Stan was on his way to his first class when suddenly, a hand roughly grabbed his shoulder and yanked him into the boys’ bathroom.

“Dude, what-the-fuck!” Stan called out to his assailant who he was relieved to see was his best friend.

“Kyle what the fuck, man?! You scared the shit outta me-“

“-I need to talk to you,” Kyle cut him off. His voice was urgent and Stan could tell he was excited about something. He smiled at the redhead, waiting for him to deliver the news about Harvard or Brown, or one of the other top colleges he had applied to and clearly been accepted into.

Kyle looked frantically around the bathroom, ensuring they were alone.

“I had sex with Tweek.”

Out of everything the redhead could have said, Stan hadn’t expected that. He would have been less surprised if Kyle had told him he was moving to Yemen.

It took a second for the bomb to finish going off in Stan’s head and when his brain had finally processed what his friend had just said to him, Stan simply squawked, “WHAT!?” in his face.

Kyle’s hands shot up, “Shhhhhh!” he hissed, his eyes darting around the room.

“What!?” Stan repeated much quieter albeit just as shocked. It was a miracle his jaw hadn’t hit the fucking floor.

“We had sex….me and Tweek,” Kyle said, as though he was telling Stan he had just had a croissant for breakfast.

Stan did his best impression of a gold fish, opening and closing his mouth and blinking at the boy.

He was shook. He had no words…except for WHAT!?  It’s not that he thought Kyle was asexual or anything, it’s just…it was Kyle! Kyle fucking Broflovski – the boy with the over protective mother who set his curfew at 9.00pm and hardly ever let him out of her sight; the boy who never went to high school parties, favouring staying at home and studying; the boy who couldn’t drive and still took the freaking bus, along with the freshmen! He just couldn’t see Kyle as being sexually active. Not now. Not ever.

“Stan?” Kyle was looking at him eagerly, waiting for his reply.

Stan shook himself out of his shocked state, “Sorry, dude, sorry, it’s just….REALLY!?”

Kyle’s hands shot up again, “SHHHH!!! Yes! Really.”

 “When!?” Stan asked in disbelief. Not that he didn’t believe him, just….WHAT!?

“On Friday, after the game.”

The words finally sunk into Stan’s thick skull. His geeky, Jewish best friend that he had known since he was a baby had had sex. Kyle had stuck his circumcised dick into someone’s vagina. What the fucking fuck!?

Once the news had filtered through Stan’s brain, he couldn’t stop the grin that formed on his face. It was like he had no control over his facial muscles, which had seemingly moved on their own accord, raising Stan’s cheeks and crinkling his eyes. He must have looked like the fucking Joker.

“Dude!” he grinned manically.

Kyle smirked back at him, “I know.”

They stood there grinning at each other like a pair of dickheads. Even the stench of stale urine emitting from the urinals couldn't bring them down.

“So, was it good?!”

“What do you think?!”

“Fuck, dude! I need to know everyth-wait! Aren’t you gonna be late to class?”

Kyle shrugged, “Fuck it, this is way more important.”

Stan pulled a dumbfounded look. Was he in the fucking Twilight Zone? What the hell was going on? Kyle had never willingly missed a lesson in his life. Who the fuck was this imposter and what had he done with the real Kyle?

Kyle laughed at Stan’s expression, “Don’t worry, I’ll just tell Mrs Anderson I had the runs or something.”

Stan quirked his eyebrow and nodded, impressed by the redhead’s new badass attitude, “So, details…I need details,” he said eagerly. He now understood how girls felt when they received a juicy bit of gossip. It took all his restraint not to squeal in Kyle’s face and flap his hands whilst saying, ‘oh-my-god, oh-my-god, oh-my-god!’

“Well, she was, um…she was good…well great actually and yeah, it was…yeah and…dude… Her body!” Kyle finished with a widening of his eyes, like Stan would understand. Kyle hadn’t ever seen a naked woman in the flesh before. Sure he had watched plenty of porn but the real thing was….Jesus Christ.

Stan nodded. He knew exactly what Kyle meant, “Was she tight?”

Kyle flushed crimson, “Dude!”

“What!?” Stan giggled.

“Um…yeah… god yeah, she was. I lasted like, five minutes,” Kyle laughed.

“Well, you beat me. When me and Wendy first had sex, I think I managed 20 seconds.”

Kyle laughed heartedly.

“So, what now? Are you like….are you together?”

“Um, well…I’ve kinda, I’ve kinda asked her to be my girlfriend.”

“And?”

“Well, she hasn’t replied yet.”

“Dude…tell me you didn’t ask her over text.”

“Okay…I didn’t ask her over text.” Kyle said unconvincingly.

Stan face-palmed, “Oh, Jesus Christ, Kyle.”

“What!? I was nervous!”

“Dude, you’ve had your dick in her… You can’t ask her out?” Stan mocked, as if the notion of not being to ask her a simple question was utterly ridiculous when they had fucked.

Kyle blushed hard and Stan felt bad. He realised that Kyle probably didn’t have a clue how to handle the situation. As far as Stan was concerned, Kyle hadn’t even kissed a girl before Tweek, and now, in one night, he had done it all…no pun intended.

“So, what positions did you do?” Stan asked, trying to divert the conversation back to the shell shocking revelation.

The blush faded from Kyle’s face and he smiled sheepishly, “Um….she…um like rode me…you know? She, she was on top.”

Stan nodded, “Nice.”

“Yeah and…um, she um, she put the condom on with her mouth too.” Kyle bragged timidly. It had been a miracle he hadn’t shot his load there and then when the blonde had used her mouth to go down his length, covering his painfully hard cock in the prophylactic. He had tried his best to think unsexy thoughts from Eric Cartman’s naked ass to his Grandma’s crusty bunions, in an effort to maintain control.

Stan raised his eyebrows, clearly impressed with Kyle’s admission.

He shook his head grinning, “It’s always the quiet ones.”

 

* * *

  

It was a very weird feeling walking into Biology for Tweek, knowing that she’d slept with two boys in the class. Two boys that happened to sit in very close proximity to her...Two boys that despised the other and who were on opposite ends of the social scale…Two boys who looked nothing alike and seemed to have nothing in common…Two boys that seemed to be staring at her the moment she walked in.

It was a weird feeling for many reasons. The first reason was that less than two months’ ago, Tweek had been a fully fledged virgin, afraid of ever being intimate with another person or ever letting another person see her ‘bits’. She was supposed to ease herself into intimacy…take baby steps…drag it out. But here she was a mere two months down the line, with two notches already on her bedpost. She either needed to become a nun or move to Amsterdam and open her own fucking window. There seemed to be no in-between.

Tweek didn’t feel good about herself. She felt kind of dirty and not in the, ‘Yes daddy, fuck me harder,’ kind of way. Like, she couldn’t go back now. She was no longer ‘innocent’, she had slept with  **TWO**  people.  **TWO** people! She was on double digits – oh, god! She was a plural person! When her future boring accountant husband asked her about her sexual past, Tweek would have to tell him about the six foot six football god and the scrawny, ginger, Jewish boy, and how she had boned them within two weeks of each other. Not to mention every fucker else she would probably sleep with, at the rate she was going.

But ultimately, it had been her choice.

It had been Tweek’s choice to sleep with Craig and it had been her choice to take Kyle’s virginity. She knew what she was ‘doing’ whether she liked it or not. She had made those choices and she would have to live with them, along with the weird feeling, which had currently set up shop inside of her and which she couldn't explain.

It was just there, taking over her whole body, making her conscious of her whole being. It was a bit like the butterflies in her tummy but more violent, like a swarm of cross old wasps, fighting to get out. It was like she needed to peel her skin off and start again. Did that make sense? Did it fuck. Maybe she was overthinking things but how could they possibly carry on as normal? 

Like they all just pretended they hadn’t seen each other’s junk or slapped against each other naked…or like watched each other’s cum face.  When you  _really_ think about it, like, when you  _really_  think about sex, how the fuck could you look someone you had done that with in the eye ever again, knowing that you had seen them at their most vulnerable naked self.

Like, here they all were, fully clothed…Acting like upstanding members of society, going to school and studying hard for their futures which probably all involved suits and ties and handshakes and a level of professionalism that was beyond seeping semen and accidental queefs. It was like everyone was acting. Playing this role of inoffensive and innocent teenagers that couldn’t even spell sex let alone do it. And to the outside world, that is what they probably looked like. But behind closed doors, she knew that Craig had a fetish for cheerleader uniforms and that Kyle had prematurely ejaculated barely three minutes in.

She wondered if Craig and Kyle were thinking what she was thinking? Like she had seen both of their dicks, hard and soft. She knew how curly their pubes were and what sounds they both made, how their faces melted when they finally succumbed to their orgasm…How they both wanted to hold her afterward and stroke her like a cat in an evil villain’s lap.

What did she look like during sex? Did her tits jiggle? Did she pull stupid faces? Did she make embarrassing sounds? How could she go on living, knowing that two people knew those things about her?

Tweek cringed. She knew Craig was staring at her, despite having her back to him. She also knew Kyle kept shooting her furtive glances, although she made the conscious decision to ignore both sets of eyeballs and hoped they weren’t imagining her naked.

She hadn’t seen Kyle since Friday night when she had driven him home after taking his virginity… like he was an escort or something. It had been a very surreal experience.

They had text nonstop since and Tweek should have been thrilled at Kyle’s willingness to start a relationship with her, to be her boyfriend, to let everyone know that he was proud to call her his own.

Yeah, she should have been thrilled. After all, isn’t this what she had craved for from Craig? To be wanted? To be needed? For Craig to call her his girlfriend? But he hadn’t wanted her, he didn’t need her and she hadn’t been his girlfriend. Yet here Kyle was, offering her everything she wanted on a platter, without Tweek having to ask.

So why wasn’t she thrilled?

Tweek cringed again. Kyle’s latest text to her had gone unanswered.  The one where he had asked her to be his girlfriend. She knew she was going to have to make a decision soon. It wasn’t fair on Kyle to leave him hanging but she didn’t know what she wanted.

Fuck.

She was going to have to make another choice.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t know, I think they really do love each other,” Clyde shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Clyde, he frequently tries to kill her. It is a very unhealthy ‘relationship’. He’s a manipulative, sociopath with a fetish for causing people pain and misery,” Token replied. Clyde seemed to have his undivided attention, as for once, he wasn’t looking at his iPad or iPhone.

“Yeah, but, he like  _cares_  for her.” Clyde protested through a mouthful of sandwich.

“Clyde, Romeo and Juliet they ain’t. She’s in an abusive relationship and refuses to leave. Why people put them on a pedestal of like, ‘relationship goals’, I’ll never fucking know,” Kenny put his two cents forward.

“Right? And the amount of couples that dress up as them for Halloween too!” Token agreed enthusiastically.

Kenny nodded his head, “Exactly! Like they’re fucking star-crossed lovers or something. In reality, he treats her like shit and she takes it.”

“What’s wrong with going as them for Halloween?” Clyde whined.

Kenny rolled his eyes, “It’s just so basic – wait a minute….oh Jesus, is that what you and Bebe are dressing up as next Halloween?”

“NO!”

“Oh my god, yes it is!”

Clyde flushed crimson, “Well… so what if it is?”

“Well, you’re definitely not winning then, Puddin’.”

Stan, Token and Craig burst out laughing.

“Oh fuck off, Kenny!”

“Clyde, come on. Don’t cry about it.”

The table braced themselves to hear the brunette’s usual whine but instead, Clyde uncharacteristically smirked at Kenny’s words, “If anyone’s going to cry, it’ll be Craig.”

“OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Token and Kenny shouted in unison, absolutely gobsmacked that Clyde had just handed Craig his ass. Who knew the brunette had it in him? Craig rolled his eyes. He’d been the butt of jokes since Friday and knew he would never live down his crying episode.

Stan’s eyes flickered between Token, Craig and Kenny, “Am I missing something?” he questioned in confusion.

“Oh shit, yeah! You were passed out when it happened,” Clyde chirped excitedly, ready to recount the tale of Craig’s emotional outburst for the 10,000th time.

“When what happened?”

Kenny bit back a smirk, “Craig got a bit emotional,” he said, landing a hand on his best friend's shoulder, offering him some comfort. Craig cringed, waiting to hear the story of how he sobbed hysterically over a girl. He had heard it far too many times already and also seen the Snapchat clips that had made their way around the entire student body. How Stan had missed it, he didn’t know.

“Really, why?!” Stan returned Kenny’s smirk. As long as he had known Craig, he had never seen the boy break down before. He didn’t actually think Craig was capable of crying. But he assumed it must have been because he was drunk and overwhelmed that they were state champions or something.

“Because he’s in luuuuuuuurrrrrrrve!” Clyde teased.

Craig squirmed uncomfortably. He wasn’t used to be on the receiving end of the onslaught. It was usually Clyde that took all the heat. Plus, Craig had never really embarrassed himself before and he didn’t know how to deal with this new emotion.

“With Talloooooooolah!” Clyde sang and Craig shot him a death stare. The brunette was one more remark away from getting a punch to the face. That’s how Craig would deal with embarrassment…with violence.

Stan’s eyes widened in horror at Clyde’s words and the action didn’t go unnoticed by Kenny, who shot him a questionable look.  

“Oh….right,” Stan laughed pathetically, trying to mask his panic.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

As though God could sense an opportunity to throw shit at the fan, in flew a massive turd in the form of Eric Cartman.

“Well, well, well,” he sneered and Stan noticed that he wasn’t carrying his usual tray of goodies. Stan also noticed that Cartman was looking directly at him with a glint in his eye and that smile he got when he was about to cause a fucking shit storm.

“So, the Jew’s no a longer a virgin, huh?”

Stan’s eyes almost fell out of his skull.

**FUCK.**

_How did he fucking know!?_

Craig looked up from his lunch slowly, his eyes fixing on Stan who could feel the deep blue irises boring into him. Still, Stan kept his own eyes on the fat boy who was looking down at him with a sinister gaze.

“Yeah, Kyle Broflovski  _fucked_  a girl,” Cartman taunted wickedly. 

Craig tensed and narrowed his eyes, at Stan waiting for the reveal. It better not be who he think it could be.

“Anyone we know?” Clyde said through another mouthful of his sandwich.

Cartman’s eyes briefly fell on Craig before flitting back to Stan, and in that moment, Stan knew, he knew. Not just who Kyle had slept with but what that would mean when Craig found out.

It was not good news.

Kenny was watching the exchange curiously, his eyes flitting from Cartman to Stan, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

“Oh? You don’t know? I thought Stan would have definitely told his  _best friends_ ,” Cartman began, maintaining eye contact with Stan who was looking at him with pure hatred in his eyes.

There was something about how tense Stan seemed that made Kenny think there was more to this story than just Kyle finally popping his cherry. Why would it be such a big deal for them to know about it, unless it was with someone that Kyle was ashamed of? But that wasn’t possible, Kyle was already at the bottom of the social ladder, he couldn’t sink any lower… so that would mean it would have to be som---  _oh fuck._

Kenny’s eyes widened as he realised who it was Kyle had slept with and shot a look towards Token who also seemed to be fixated on watching Cartman and Stan’s exchange. When he felt Kenny’s eyes on him, Token turned his attention to the blonde, his face falling in immediate understanding at the look Kenny was giving him.

“Who was it, Stan?” Clyde asked eagerly. Trust Clyde to not have a fucking clue what was going.

“Yeah, Stan.  _Who_  was it?” Cartman repeated sarcastically.

Stan said nothing, just continued to glare at the fat boy.

“You haven’t gone all shy on us, have you, Stanley?” Cartman cooed in a sickly sweet voice, “You didn’t seem shy before. You know, when you were asking how tight  _she_ was—“

“--Shut up, Cartman!” Stan threatened, raising his voice.

“What? Oh I’m sorry. Do you not want people to know how  _she_ rode Kyle? How he didn’t even last five minutes—“

“--Cartman, Shut up!”

“What? Is it a big secret? Then maybe you fags shouldn’t use a public fucking restroom to hold your ‘private’ conversations.”

Stan’s eyes widened in fear. They hadn’t been alone. He had been there. Cartman had heard  _everything_.

Cartman grinned at his reaction, “Yes, Stan. I heard everything. How fucking great  _she_ was in bed, and  _Dude! Her_   _body’_ ,” Cartman mimicked Kyle’s lustful voice that he had used when describing her naked form to Stan.

 “How she even put the condom on with her mou---“

“CARTMAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Stan shouted, jumping to his feet and finally losing his cool. But it was too late, the fat boy was a runaway train and he wasn’t stopping anytime soon. His face lit up like the fourth of July at the Stan’s outburst and with his signature wicked grin, he delivered his final blow: “Gosh, I’m sorry, Stan. I hadn’t realised Kyle sleeping with Tallulah Tweek was such a big deal.”

His words echoed around the table and all eyes fell on Craig who was frantically searching Stan's face looking for a sign, any sign, to tell him it wasn’t true, that Cartman was just making up bullshit again, that Kyle was still a virgin, that he hadn’t touched Tallulah, _his Tallulah_ , in that way. But when Stan couldn't even look at him, he knew it wasn’t a lie.

“You will let me know what her answer is, won’t you?” Cartman directed the question at Stan but he was watching Craig’s reaction, delighted that Craig looked simply heartbroken.

“You know? If she agrees to be Kyle’s girlfriend—“

It happened so suddenly that none of them had time to react. In a split second, Craig was on his feet, surging towards Kyle’s table.

“OH FUCK!” Kenny shouted, scrambling after his best friend, with Token and Stan hot on his heels. Even Clyde had dropped his sandwich and was ambling up after them. Cartman just stood, watching with delight, knowing he was the catalyst that had caused the mayhem.

Kyle didn’t have time to move. He didn’t even have time to blink before Craig’s hands were on his sweater, ripping him out from his seat and slamming him hard against the cafeteria wall. His head cracked against the hard surface and the wind was knocked out of him as Craig pinned him with ease, like he was a child. Kyle was powerless in his grasp – his feet couldn’t even touch the floor.

“CRAIG – STOP!” Kenny appeared, his hands trying to prise Craig off of Kyle. Jimmy, Jason, Millie and Kevin were all on their feet crowding around the chaos.

Token soon appeared on the other side of Craig, pushing his way through Kyle's supporters, “Craig, come on, man, don't do this.”

Craig was staring at Kyle with the most terrifying look Kyle had ever seen. His usual ocean blue eyes were black and cold and his brows were so furrowed that Kyle was certain they would leave a dint in Craig's perfect skin. It was pure hate. He was breathing hard, as if to ground himself, to stop him from killing the redhead with his bare hands. But Kyle wasn’t scared of being punched. From the look Craig was giving him, he should already be dead. He knew instantly what it was about, and if he was honest with himself, he was happy that Craig knew.

“What? Are you gonna hit me?” he sneered, through the splitting pain that was radiating through his skull from when Craig had slammed him against the wall.

Craig didn’t reply, just continued to breathe shallowly and stare at Kyle, as though the redhead had just murdered his entire family.

“Go ahead, it won’t change anything. It still happened.”

The whole cafeteria was silent, their eyes fixated on the conflict. Some people had their phones out to record, what the majority hoped, would turn into a bloodbath.

Kenny, Token, Clyde and Stan were exchanging worried looks. Craig was strong and when he got angry he seemed to turn into The Hulk. Even with the four of them helping, they would still have trouble stopping him if he chose to turn the situation violent.

“What are you doing?”

The voice of a girl sounded and everyone turned their heads to find Tallulah Tweek stood frowning at Craig.

Craig's anger quickly subsided, as his eyes locked with the blonde's. They stood staring at each other until Tallulah tore her eyes away to look at Kyle.

The redhead raised his eyebrows at her, silently communicating the reason he was in his current position. Tallulah's eyes widened in understanding and her cheeks flushed red. She quickly averted her gaze away from him to look down at the floor, and that was all the confirmation that Craig needed.

It was true.

It was all true.

Craig felt his heart sink and an unfamiliar feeling hit him, like he had just been punched in the stomach.

He was devastated.

He immediately released Kyle from his death grip and walked quickly out of the room.

He really wished people hadn’t been filming it.

 

* * *

 

 Kyle was waiting for her when she finished class.

“Hey,” he said sheepishly, emerging from fucking nowhere and looking like a creepy stalker.

“Hey,” Tweek blushed, after her heart had returned to its normal rhythm after the shock of seeing him seemingly appear from thin air like he was a wizard or something.

They stood in an awkward silence and for some reason it was really fucking awkward and weird - it had never been like this before. Tweek didn’t like it.

“How was class?” Kyle tried to carry on a normal conversation, even though they both knew what he was dancing around. He might as well have been doing an Irish jig.

“Um, it was fine.” She replied timidly.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. She knew what was coming.

“So, um, have you thought about it?” Kyle asked, not quite managing to meet her eye. Unfortunately, Kyle and Tweek were quite alike when it came to the pigmentation of their skin. He couldn’t stop his skin from turning beetroot red either.

“Um,” she blushed hard. She _had_ thought about it. She had thought about it a lot actually. She had spent the previous night making a list of pros and cons to becoming Kyle’s girlfriend. The pros included, stability, affection, adoration, trust and honesty, as well as superficial things like height difference and sexual experience. Kyle had only been with her. He had been with a singular girl, not plural girls with big flailing tits, and as far as she was concerned that was a brucey bonus.

The cons included Kyle moving away for college….and…well, that was about it really. A tiny portion of her, like a really teeny, tiny portion of her…like the devil on her shoulder that she tried to shut out completely but couldn’t, was niggling away at her, like an itch she couldn’t scratch, telling her that another con to Kyle was that he wasn’t Craig.

But that part of her could fuck right off.

“Yeah…yeah, I have,” she finally said, after they had walked in silence together to the parking lot.

Kyle looked up at her eagerly, “And?” He said, with such optimism to his voice, it kind of broke her heart.

He looked so hopeful… so vulnerable, like he had laid all his cards out on the table and was waiting for her to reveal her own.

But she didn’t have an ace up her sleeve.

It was like she was clutching a busted hand. Like Kyle had a royal flush and she was holding two jokers, a fake ID and a loyalty card for Subway.

She couldn’t possibly win.

But, when she thought about it, like, _really_ thought about it…what the fuck did she have to lose? He clearly adored her, and wasn’t that what everyone wants? To be adored? To be cared for? To be loved?

~~Even if it’s not by the person you want to be loved by?~~

She raised her head to meet his gaze, “Yes… I’ll um…I wanna be your girlfriend.”

 

* * *

 

 

Gossip seemed to spread around school like a virus infiltrating an unprotected PC. By Tuesday, everyone knew about Tweek and Kyle.

At first, Tweek had been angry. She had assumed that Kyle had gone around bragging to anyone that would listen about having sex with her. But then he had explained that he only told Stan, and as she had told Marj, she couldn’t exactly be mad at him. It wasn’t his fault that Eric Cartman had been lurking in a toilet stall. It was just an unfortunate coincidence.

It was their first argument as boyfriend and girlfriend and before they resolved it, Tweek thought it might turn out to be the shortest relationship in history. 

It was kind of weird having a boyfriend, even though nothing had really changed. Sure, they had started holding hands and kissing, but other than that nothing was different. They were still the same people. So why did she feel really fucking weird?

Maybe it was because she had never experienced a relationship before…well a relationship that was labelled anyway. Maybe it was because she could officially say she had a boyfriend and that she was someone’s girlfriend. Or maybe it was because, before Friday, she had never thought of Kyle in that way.

She liked Kyle, she really did. But she couldn’t deny that they didn’t have the same chemistry that her and Craig had shared.

She didn’t understand why Craig had reacted the way he did. He had made it very clear that he didn’t want a relationship with her, so why did it make him angry that she was with Kyle?  Why did he even fucking care? Even more importantly, why did she care that he seemed to care?

The revelation of her sexual relations with the redhead meant that Tweek was subjected to hushed whispers whenever she walked through the hallway, fingers pointing at her in the cafeteria, random people coming up to her asking if she was 'that Tweek girl' who had dumped South Park High’s number one for Kyle Broflovski. It wasn't pleasant but it was bearable.

That was, however, until Gym class on Thursday.

She hadn't had the pleasure of being in Wendy Testaburger's company since the game on Friday, and fortunately, Tweek only had to endure two classes with the girl, one which happened to be gym class.

They had been split into teams to play dodgeball. As usual, Marj and Tweek seemed to be on the opposing team to Wendy and her army of arseholes. Tweek was hopeful for a very boring session. Sure, she expected Wendy, Bebe and Annie to be their usual pain in the arse selves and direct all their balls at her and Marj - It was like a weekly tradition, after all, to receive a ball to the face with compliments from Wendy and her massive tits. What she hadn't expected was Wendy to come armed with venom-filled insults to accompany the rubber balls that she launched Tweek;s way.

As soon as they took to the court, Wendy started on Tweek, but not before she had waited for Miss Mason to make herself scarce. It was at that point in the year when the PE teachers had given up actually trying to teach them anything and instead just popped their heads out of the office every now and then to make sure they weren't killing each other.

"So, Tweek. Talk about a downgrade, huh?" Wendy chuckled, launching her first ball which Tweek dodged easily. "

Tweek retrieved the ball and threw it back halfheartedly; she wasn't going to let Wendy rile her up, she knew that the girl wanted a reaction and she’d be fucked if she was going to give her one. 

Wendy stepped out of the way of Tweek's pathetic throw, retrieving the ball and throwing it at the blonde more viciously.

"How  _is_ Kyle in bed, anyway?" She teased wickedly, raising her voice and gaining the attention of her peers. Everyone apart from Bebe Stevens and Marjory Stotch that is, who seemed to be trying to kill each other using rubber balls.

Tweek picked up the ball and threw it back, harder than her previous attempt. Wendy wasn't expecting it and barely had chance to get out of the way. A brief scowl fell on her face before she snatched up the ball grinning wickedly.

"Were you hoping fucking Kyle would make  _him_  jealous?" She spat, hurling the ball directly at Tweek's face. Her eyes narrowed as the blonde's hand snapped up to the ball, catching it barely millimetres from her face.

"You're out." Tweek said impassively.

Wendy didn't move. Didn't leave the court like she was supposed to. A loud screech echoed from the blonde girl next to Wendy and Tweek turned to see Bebe Stevens clutching the side of her head. She glanced over at Marj who was panting heavily, glaring angrily at the girl, her arm still outstretched from where the ball had left her hands mere moments ago. 

Tweek shouldn't have looked away. She should have known Wendy would play dirty. When the red rubber ball connected with her face, Tweek hadn't been expecting it and lost her balance, falling to the floor. Her face felt like it had just been bitch slapped and throbbed violently. It really fucking hurt.

She got to her feet and shot Wendy a hateful glare. But instead of retaliating, Tweek decided to leave the court, to hit the showers early, to walk away. She was done with Wendy and her bullshit. She only had two more months to endure and then she would never have to see the girl ever again.

Unfortunately, her head cheerleader had other plans.

"Tell me, did he look jealous in the video?" She sneered, picking up another ball and throwing it at Tweek, hitting her shoulder harshly. Her eyes lit up as Tweek snapped her head in her direction, glowering at her.

Tweek grit her teeth and clenched her fists remembering the video Bebe Stevens had sent her on Friday night. She knew the bitch had done it on purpose but hearing Wendy confirm it, made her blood boil. How pathetic. Tweek was suddenly aware that the whole class was watching the exchange and felt as though she should be handing out fucking popcorn.

Wendy smirked evilly, "No, he looked pretty fucking delighted, didn't he?" She cackled, hurling another ball which smacked Tweek in the chest. The blonde didn't defend herself, just took each hit as though she deserved them.

"Wendy, cut it out!" Nicole stepped forward, scowling at her head cheerleader who simply ignored her and continued her onslaught.

"Were you so distraught that you had to fuck Kyle to feel validated?" She threw another ball, smirking widely at Tweek as it connected with her hip, "Tell me, Tweek, do you feel validated? Did Kyle fill Craig's void? Did you close your eyes and pretend it was him?"

The whole class had been drawn into the argument, circling the pair who were stood facing each other, as though they were in a Western stand-off.

Tweek smiled and shook her head, "You can't stand it, can you? You can't stand that he liked me."

Wendy's face fell momentarily but she recovered quickly, "Yeah he really liked you, that's why he was with me on Friday."

Tweek didn’t let her face falter even though her heart sank to the bottom of her chest. Instead she tried to look unbothered and cocked her head, "Too bad he can only stand you when he's drunk. Did you spike his drink too?" 

A sound of 'oooo's' resonated around the gym.

Wendy narrowed her eyes, "Fuck you, you cunt." 

Tweek laughed at her vulgarity, it didn’t take much to rile her up. It was actually too easy. She debated telling Wendy that she was the one who provided Stan with the condom to fuck Taylor with but she didn’t want to carry on this charade any longer than it needed to be, plus she wasn’t _that_ cruel.

"Anyway, you can fucking have him. He's all yours,” Tweek delivered in a rather bored tone. She started to walk away from Wendy, towards the locker room but at the last moment, decided to stop, aware that everyone was watching her. It was too good of an opportunity to pass up on. Humiliating Wendy Testaburger. Maybe she was _that_ cruel.

"Oh wait," she said curiously, slowly turning to face Wendy, "He  _doesn't_  want you, does he?"  She smirked evilly and it really was evil of her. She knew that Wendy wasn’t over Craig. And even though they had been together on Friday night, Tweek was sure that he didn’t want a relationship with her. After all, from the way he spoke about her, Tweek got the impression that he couldn’t stand the girl.

A roar of 'Oh's' sounded around the crowd and Tweek smirked triumphantly, dropping the invisible mic from her hand and thoroughly enjoying the constipated look on Wendy's face. She had walked about eight steps when she had the wind knocked out of her as she was suddenly speared to the floor by Wendy, who had charged at her like a fucking bull in a china shop.

"You fucking bitch!" Wendy screamed, swiping her hands at the tiny blonde's face and frame. Tweek barely had time to register what the fuck was going on, before receiving a flurry of scratches to the face and pulls to her hair. Oh brilliant. A fucking girl fight. Fantastic.

Wendy may have had the height on her but Tweek had the technique and a surprising amount of strength when she got angry. In one rapid movement, Tweek flipped Wendy off her and straddled her, raining down punches onto her pretty face.  It felt fucking brilliant. She hadn't realised how much she wanted to kick the shit out of Wendy until she was actually doing it. It was like the best kind of therapy. Who needed Dr Fielding, anyway?

One of Tweek's punches connected with Wendy's perfect nose and she screamed in agony, as a red river of blood gushed from her nostrils. Wendy began to flail underneath the blonde, her hands swiping wildly, grabbing Tweek's hair, in a last-ditch attempt at trying to regain some control of the fight.

 _Wendy was a fucking pussy. Who the hell fought like that? What an absolute girl,_ Tweek thought, as she tried to bat Wendy’s flailing limbs out of the way…but at least it wasn’t her tits. She had already nearly lost an eye to semen, she couldn’t afford to take a tit to the eyeball too.

A hard yank to her hair caused Tweek to momentarily stop punching and she cried out in pain. She looked down to see that Wendy had actually pulled out what seemed to be a fist full of her blonde locks - which the girl was clutching tightly in her hand, as though she needed it as proof that she gave as good as she got. Tweek's head throbbed in agony where her hair had been torn out from its roots but the anger burned stronger and Tweek went in for the kill - she had been waiting a long time to do this. She grabbed a fist full of Wendy's own ebony locks to keep the girl in place and began slapping the side of her head as hard and as fast as she could. She was like a woman possessed.

She was oblivious to the cheering and shouts coming from the spectators as she swung with accuracy, each hit providing sweet relief, allowing Tweek to let out all her pent up aggression, all the resentment she held for the girl and all the resentment she didn’t even know she had for her.

The first pair of hands landed on Tweek’s shoulders but she couldn't be moved - her rage giving her a superhuman strength to carry on, to keep hitting, to smack that smug look off of her face.

When the second pair of hands fell on her, Tweek faltered but still continued her onslaught, her rage too intense to break.

In the end, it took three people to finally pull Tweek off Wendy. 

 

* * *

 

"Kyle! Kyle!" The annoying voice of Eric Cartman sounded for the 100th time. It had been a constant noise throughout gym class and Kyle was extremely annoyed to discover that it had also followed him into the locker rooms.

"Kyle!"

"What!? What the fuck do you want, Cartman!?" Kyle finally snapped. He had managed to keep his cool on the field, where he was able to ignore the fat boy's taunts as they played soccer, but inside the compact locker room there was nowhere he could hide.

"So, just how tight was her pussy?" Cartman jeered in his face.

Bill and Fosse were on either side of him, laughing hysterically like a pair of hyenas, as though he had just told the funniest joke in the history of the world.

Kyle's ears burned red with rage. He had managed to avoid Cartman since Monday when the whole school had found out about Tweek and him, and he'd done well to do that. He knew the fat boy would eventually catch up to him, and here he was, right on cue. He was counting down the seconds before the Jew-taunts would start.

"Don't fucking talk about her like that!" Kyle warned. He couldn't bear to hear Cartman refer to Tweek, his girlfriend, in that way. How fucking dare he?! He had no fucking right to refer to any part of Tweek, let alone her most private part in that way. It made his blood boil.

Kyle wished there wasn't such a significant size difference between him and the fat boy. It had been fine when they were kids, when they were the same height - Kyle could easily take him. But now, it was like a Chihuahua taking on a gorilla. For a moment, Kyle wished, he too, had joined the football team. Maybe he would have bulked up. At least even a little bit. But no, he had opted for the basketball team, which he was cut from when every other member had a growth spurt apart from him, who remained at his 5 ft 7 in self. Since then, he hadn’t really done any sport, preferring to study, so his muscles had never really developed, which didn’t really bother him, except when he was pinned to cafeteria walls or when obnoxiously large assholes goaded him about his new girlfriend in the locker room…

"Come on, Kyle. Don't be like that. Tell us how she rode your virgin Jew-cock like the slut that she is." Cartman grinned wickedly and his two sidekicks laughed again.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, CARTMAN!" Kyle screamed and the whole locker room fell silent.

It never took Kyle long to go from 0 to furious, and he hated that Cartman knew that about him. There was never a slow build up, it only ever took one or two comments before he lost his shit completely.

"Kyle, it's not my fault your girlfriend is a whore."

Kyle was breathing hard. He clenched his fists ready to strike Cartman in his big fat grinning face. He was trying to keep himself grounded. He couldn't afford to get into a fight. He had a perfect record, well,  _almost_  perfect record, if you didn't count the chair incident (and he fucking didnt!), and he only had two more months before graduation, at which, he was pretty sure, he would be giving the valedictorian speech... But not if he used his fists.

"Because she  _is_  a whore, Kyle. You know that, don't you? First the goth, then HBK, now you? She’s working her way through the school. I’m pretty sure, she’ll have done the whole year plus the juniors by the time we graduate.”

 _Fuck being valedictorian_. He couldn’t let Cartman get away with this. He was going to have to punch him…in the face. He was definitely going to have his ass handed to him by the fat boy and probably Bill and Fosse too…not to mention his parents who would be disappointed in him. But fuck it. He didn’t care.

Luckily, Kyle didn't have to punch Cartman in the face, because Craig Tucker did it for him.

 

* * *

 

"What on earth has gotten into you two!? Fighting!? Two months' before graduation!?  I expect this kind of behaviour from freshmen but not seniors. What the hell were you thinking!?" 

Cartman and Craig were both slumped in the uncomfortable chairs in the principal’s office, looking down at the floor whilst Mr Jackson raged at them.

"You've just been crowned state champions! Craig - You've got a full scholarship for Pete's sake!" Mr Jackson seethed. 

Cartman and Craig kept their heads down. They had been in this position many times before and knew it was best to keep quiet and just take the bollocking. Any attempt to argue back would result in a harsher punishment and they were already up shit creek without a paddle.

"You can't just go around using your fists to solve your problems! If you did this outside of school you would get arrested!" Mr Jackson finished his rant, panting heavily. Craig and Cartman were waiting for the inevitable 'suspension' speech that was about to follow.

"Now, I don't care what this is about. I really don’t care. It doesn't happen again, understand!?"

The boys nodded solemnly.

"I should suspend you both and ban you from going to prom-" Mr Jackson began but was interrupted by Cartman's panicked, "WHAT!?"

"I SHOULD," he repeated, waiting for Cartman to wind his neck back in, "But I'm not going to."

Craig snapped his head up to look at the Principal and exchanged a confused look with Eric.

"Boys, I know you were both key members in securing the, er, the title for South Park High and it would look extremely poor on the school for two of its stars to get suspended so soon afterwards and miss out on their prom. So I'm not gonna’ do that."

Craig cocked his brow. He had been in this position many times before and had never left without at least a day's suspension for a much lesser crime.

"Instead, you are both going to serve a Saturday detention."

The boys raised their eyebrows in surprise. Just a detention? Seriously? Winner, winner fucking chicken dinner.

"You will be here at eight thirty on Saturday morning and you will leave at three. Do you understand?"

Craig and Cartman nodded quickly.

"And know this, boys--" Mr Jackson was interrupted by a brief knock on the door. He turned his attention to his secretary who had popped her head into the room. 

"I got two more for ya!" She chirped.

Mr Jackson sighed, "Have you called their parents?"

The secretary nodded, "They're on their way."

He waited until his secretary had disappeared again before finishing off his warning, "You two put one toe out of line over these next two months and I won't just stop you from going to prom. I won't let you graduate. Do I make myself clear?"

“Yes, sir,” The boys said in unison.

"Good. Now go and wait outside. You can go when your parents collect you."

Craig and Cartman got to their feet and quickly fled the room before Mr Jackson could change his mind.

"Can you believe that?!" Cartman said when they were safely sat on the row of chairs outside the office.

"I know," Craig shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe they had gotten off so lightly.

"Shit, if I'd have known that was all it took, I would have tried winning sooner," Cartman joked.

Craig chuckled.

It was weird that they were talking as though nothing had fucking happened. It was like Craig hadn't punched Cartman in the face, or that they hadn’t needed to be separated by half of the football team as they rolled on the floor trying to inflict as much damage to the other as possible. But that was the thing with boy fights, once they happened that was it. They just treated it like a bridge and got the fuck over it. 

"Holy shit, dude!" Cartman gasped, his eyes wide focusing on something behind Craig.

Craig turned his head to see what was so shocking and his jaw almost hit the floor as he took in the sight. Tallulah Tweek and Wendy Testaburger were being escorted down the hallway by a furious-looking Miss Mason. Tweek was sporting a large angry red scratch down one side of her face but it was nothing compared to Wendy who looked like she'd been in a car accident. She had an ice pack held tight against her face, trying to mask the damage but Craig could see the wounds clearly. Her lip was bust, she had a black eye and he was pretty sure she'd taken a fist directly to the face as her nose looked red and swollen, with remnants of a blood stain coating her mouth and chin. 

_Jesus Christ._

The girls' eyes fell on them briefly but rapidly looked away in unison, as though if they couldn't see them, then the boys might not be able to see them either.  Like a T-rex. They were quickly ushered into the principal’s office and Craig and Cartman sat staring at each other as though Michael Jackson’s corpse had just moonwalked past them.

"Fuck me, dude! Did you see Wendy's face!?" The words fell out of Cartman's mouth as soon as the door had closed.

Craig nodded, his eyes still wide from the scene he had just witnessed.

"That Tweek girl barely had a scratch on her!” The fat boy continued.

It wasn’t long until their phones buzzed simultaneously with a snap chat notification from Patty Nelson, one of the school’s biggest gossipers.

They both opened the video eagerly to see a short, grainy clip of Tweek and Wendy’s fight, watching the tiny blonde girl straddling the head cheerleader and raining down punches on her head.

“Jesus Christ!” Cartman exclaimed, watching the video a further four times, his impressed grin getting wider and wider every time he watched it.

Craig was mesmerised by the video, his eyes wide. He couldn’t believe the girl in the video was the same girl who he had fallen for. The girl who he thought needed protecting. The fragile girl who looked like she’d blow away in a gust of wind. How wrong he had been. She wasn’t as delicate as she seemed. She had annihilated Wendy Testaburger, the head cheerleader, the girl who everyone either loved or hated.

“Is it wrong to be turned on by this?” Cartman asked Craig who simply rolled his eyes in reply. Though, he had to agree, it was fucking hot.

The boys could hear the muffled shouts of Mr Jackson and knew he was giving them the same anger-filled speech he had given them moments earlier. Cartman leant over to the door, his ass barely on his seat, as he pressed his ear against it.

“Do you think they’ll get suspended?”

Craig shrugged, it wasn’t like they’d won the state championships…maybe Mr Jackson wouldn’t be as lenient on them. But then, it was Wendy Testaburger they were talking about, if she found out she had been treated unfairly, there would be hell to pay.

Suddenly the door flew open and Cartman face planted the floor. Craig burst out laughing and watched as Wendy looked down in disgust at the fat boy who hadn’t moved out of the way in time. She made a disgusted noise and stepped over him to take a seat next to Craig. Tallulah bit back a smirk and waited until Cartman had scrambled to his feet, making excuses of tying his shoelace, before taking a seat as far away from Wendy and Craig as she could which happened to be next to Cartman. Not her ideal choice but still, better than Tits McGee and the heartless shrew.

The four of them sat in an awkward silence, with the only sounds coming from the crumpling of the ice pack on Wendy’s face, as she shifted its position from time to time.

“Psss, pssss, Wendy!” Cartman whispered, trying to get the raven-haired girl’s attention. Wendy stared straight ahead, ignoring him.

“Wendy!” He whispered again, “Hey, Wendy!”

Still she ignored him.

“WENDY!” Cartman suddenly shouted, causing Tweek to jump.

“WHAT!?” She hissed, turning to face him.

“There’s a video going around of Tweek kicking your ass. Just thought you should know.” Cartman whispered innocently and Craig hated himself for wanting to laugh. It was just the way Cartman delivered things, knowing full well the impact his words would have but still acting as though he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Wendy glared at him and turned back to stare straight ahead at the wall.

“Lulu!” A voice called out and all heads turned towards an extremely attractive and well dressed blonde woman who was walking quickly towards them.

“Lulu! Are you okay, darling?!” Mrs Tweek exclaimed, grabbing hold of her daughter’s face and turning it from side-to-side.

Tallulah pulled her head out of her mom’s grasp, “I’m fine, mom,” she mumbled, jumping to her feet and snatching her bag up.

Mrs Tweek’s eyes scanned the rest of the group and her eyes fell on Craig. He quickly looked away, flushing with embarrassment. He wasn’t sure how much Tallulah had told her parents about him but he was certain Mrs Tweek knew who he was.

“Um, can we go?” Tallulah asked abruptly and her mom turned her head back to her daughter and smiled warmly.

“Of course, darling,” she said, putting an arm around her and leading her to the exit.

Cartman’s eyes had almost left his socket at the sight of the older blonde Tweek and she was barely out of earshot when he screamed at Craig, “Tweek’s mom’s a fucking milf!”

Craig rolled his eyes again in reply but just like before he couldn’t help agreeing with Cartman.

She certainly was.

 

* * *

 

Tweek couldn’t believe she was driving to school on a Saturday. A fucking Saturday.

She should feel lucky, after all, she  _should_  have been suspended, as Mr Jackson had said. She should have also been banned from going to prom, not that she would have given a shit about not being able to go…Wendy had almost cried when he had threatened it. God forbid she miss the night where she would crowned Prom Queen.

Fortunately for her and Wendy, Mr Jackson had already been lenient with Eric and Craig, meaning he had no choice but to dish out the same punishment to them.

Tweek probably would have rather have taken the suspension. A week away from seeing Craig and Wendy’s stupid faces would have been fucking bliss. Instead, she was going to have to spend six and a half hours with them in the same fucking room.

How was life even fair?

Kyle had been amazing about everything, promising to take her to the movies afterwards. He had also packed her a lunch and insisted she pick it up on her way to school, which she did, on the condition that she could avoid his mom. Apparently, Sheila Broflovski was far from thrilled that her precious ‘bubbleh’ was going out with people equal shit. Kyle came out to her car and handed her the brown paper bag which she noticed he’d wrote ‘Tweek’ on, along with a doodle of a heart. It was cute, really fucking cute and made her feel weird. She wasn’t used to having someone care about her. They kissed and he sarcastically told her to have a good day which she replied with her middle finger. She immediately regretted the gesture, as she caught sight of Kyle’s mom looking out of the window at her, whilst her middle finger was still raised. Fuck her fucking life. She quickly retracted it, and put the pedal to the metal, speeding away before she could do something else to make Kyle’s mom hate her.

She pulled into the parking lot at 8.20, grateful that she was the first to arrive and quickly headed inside, ensuring she took the lunch Kyle had made for her.

The other three other reprobates arrived soon after and they all stood awkwardly outside the allocated English classroom, waiting to be let in. Cartman was the only one who seemed to be revelling in the situation, his head turning from left to right, looking from Tweek to Craig, Craig to Wendy and Wendy to Tweek, knowing full well that they were all connected.

“So, I’m assuming we’re all here for the same thing?” He grinned, waiting for any one of the other three to reply to him. They didn’t, choosing to keep their heads down and stare at the ground.

“Well, there’s one common denominator here,” he remarked, turning to face Tweek who was concentrating hard on the scuff marks on her shoes. She had opted to dress nice, as Kyle was taking her out afterwards, and was wearing a white skater dress with matching Converse which she had already ruined, tripping up over nothing on her way to the classroom. Fortunately, no one else had been around to witness her decking it but her dress already had a dirt mark on it.

Thinking about it, she shouldn’t have worn white. She was asking for something to happen. She wasn’t exactly the most careful person. There would definitely be a mustard, pen or make up stain on her dress by the time the six and a half hours was up. And then she’d have to go home and get changed anyway…probably into the people = shit t shirt, forgetting that she needed to make a good impression on Kyle’s mom….god damnit, she knew she should have worn black.

Before Cartman could continue, the teacher who was taking the detention appeared and Tweek died a little inside when she realised in was Mr Fucking Fantastic, the school’s guidance councillor. He greeted them cheerily, opening the door with his excessive bunch of keys and ushering them inside. They immediately spread themselves out as far away from each other as possible. Tweek placed herself on the front row directly behind the teacher’s desk, Craig was sat on the back row, far right hand side, Wendy the opposite side to him and Cartman was middle and centre, like the attention seeking asshole he was.

“Woah, woah, woah! This isn't The Breakfast Club!” FF exclaimed, having looked up after placing his bag and take out coffee cup on the desk.

He briefly glanced at a sheet of paper, scanning it with his eyes and Tweek could tell it was a report on why they were all there.

“Okay, Eric and Wendy, you can sit here. Craig, Tallulah, here,” he gestured with a wave of his hand to two desks on the front row.

Tweek quickly realised FF had split them up accordingly, not letting the fighting parties sit next to one another… but, and she would hate to admit this, she would probably rather sit next to Wendy than Craig.

Tweek didn’t have to move, as she was already sat at the desk FF had pointed to and when Craig approached, she made it her business to stare straight ahead, refusing to catch his eye. He dumped his bag down and slumped into his seat, his arm brushing hers as he did so.

She hated the shared desks for this reason. Like, she didn’t mind it when she was sharing with Kyle, as they were both small and there was enough room, but now she was sharing it with the one person she didn’t want to be close to and because of Craig’s size, they were touching shoulders, she really wished they weren’t touching shoulders.

Tweek imagined that Wendy was probably being smothered by Cartman, but didn’t dare look over in case she caught Craig’s eye. She wanted to get through these six and half hours as painlessly as possible but FF had already thrown a spanner into the works with his fucking seating arrangements.

She had never had a detention before and didn’t know what to expect. Did they have to write lines or something? Like, “I will never beat the shit out of that dick again” over and over again? Tweek could do that. She could happily do that. She would do it in different fonts, like Comic Sans and Cursive. Then she could fold it and spray in with perfume and mail it to Wendy, as like an apology or something. But it wouldn’t be an apology at all, because, besides the use of the word ‘dick’, who the fuck used Comic Sans to be serious?

She hoped they wouldn’t have to sit in silence and like stare at the wall or something, because that would be torture. But then, that’s what detention was supposed to be, right? A punishment.

FF was fannying about, taking his sweet time removing his laptop and files out of his satchel. It was a painful sight, like watching a sloth run a marathon.

 “Eric, if I see you on your phone one more time, you'll be joining me next Saturday too.” FF suddenly said, causing Tweek to jump at the abrupt noise. He hadn’t even lifted his head up from the desk, yet he knew that Cartman was on his phone.

The fat boy muttered, “Weak,” before putting it in his pocket.

“Now, you are with me for six and a half hours. I suggest you use this time to be productive. Things I will allow include, reading a book, studying or creating art, staring out of the window, and daydreaming. Things I do not allow include sleeping, playing Angry Birds, Snap Chatting, Tweeting, texting or anything that involves a smart phone, bar Spotify,” FF delivered in a bored tone, stopping at Cartman’s shocked face. “Yes, Mr Cartman, I will allow music, as long as you put on a playlist and listen through headphones. If I see you excessively tapping on your phone, I will take it off you. Are we clear?”

The delinquents all nodded at him.

“Good. We will break at twelve for a half hour lunch break. You may go to the bathroom when needed, all you have to do is ask. Any questions?”

The group stared at him blankly.

“Awesome, if you would like any playlist recommendations be aware that all my choices will involve some genre of rock or early 90s rap,” he said, siting down and flipping his laptop open.

Tweek smiled at his comment and lent down into her bag to retrieve a book, sketchbook and pencil case. She was glad that she had come prepared. She wasn’t even ashamed that the book she had brought with her happened to be Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. She figured she’d easily be able to finish it and it would make the time fly by. Plus, she was due her annual ‘read the entire Harry Potter series’ - it had been way too long since she had immersed herself in the wonderful wizarding world.

Craig and Cartman just sat there, unmoving, as though they would rather sit and stare at the wall for six hours instead of doing something remotely productive.

Wendy whipped out a stack of textbooks from her overtly large handbag and buried her head in them in an effort to shield her wounds from the group. It had only been two days since their fight and her busted lip, swollen nose and black eye were still raw on her stunning face.

Tweek’s scratch that Wendy had given her, on the other hand, had already faded into a faint pink line, which the blonde had easily covered with heavy foundation.

Just before she could get comfortable and lose herself in the wonder that was Hazza P, FF addressed her.

“Well, Tallulah, I know you said you wanted to be a wrestler but this isn't the way to go about it!” He grinned and Tweek flushed crimson. He’d just told the whole fucking room her embarrassing dream career that, until recently, she had kept very much to herself…and with good reason. She really wished she hadn’t told FF, she didn’t know he would use it as ammo later on.

She could feel Craig looking at her, and was pretty sure Cartman was also throwing her a ‘what the fuck’ look.

With a tight lipped smile to FF, Tweek opened her book, hoping that he took the hint that her super secret dream career was not up for discussion.

He didn’t.

“So go on, what would your ‘ring’ name be?” He smiled at her, in the same way he had done when they had spoken, in depth, about wrestling during her ‘careers guidance’ meeting.

“Um,” she said softly, acutely aware that she looked like a tomato. She knew what her wrestling name would be, it should have been obvious to FF. It would be Tweek. It was unique, like Lita or Chyna.

“Well, you have some very interesting initials, you could use to your advan-“ FF stopped upon seeing the horrified look on Tweek’s face.

Oh fuck.

“Oh…you haven’t told anyone your full name, have you?” FF blushed lightly, realising he had just embarrassed the girl.

Tweek couldn’t help but smirk at his reaction and shook her head slowly. She was mortified but she couldn’t deny that it was fucking funny. She should have been angry that a teacher was telling her to use ‘tit’ to her advantage. It was kinda inappropriate. He shouldn’t be thinking about her ‘tits’.

“Yeah, I get why…” FF trailed off and Tweek bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

Craig was looking at her curiously and Tweek knew he was trying to work out what her middle name or names were. Hopefully he would think she had more than one and wouldn’t put two and two together to get to TIT. Actually, when she thought about it, it could be fucking worse. She could be called Tallulah Wanda Amelia Tweek….or TWAT for short. Maybe TIT wasn’t so bad after all.

 “I just thought, you know, an abbreviation would roll off the tongue…like… HBK, you know?” FF continued, trying to dig himself out of the hole he had created.

Cartman snorted loudly, “That’s what we call Craig.”

FF cocked his eyebrow, head turning towards the fat boy, “Oh really? Do you wanna be a wrestler too, Craig?” He asked, looking at Craig curiously.

Craig narrowed his eyes at the teacher and shook his head slowly, like the man had lost the fucking plot or something.

“Nah, we call him HBK because he’s good at breaking girls’ hearts.” Cartman said gleefully, his attention flitting between Tweek, Craig and Wendy, just like before, in the hallway.

“Is that so?” FF chuckled with a slight roll of his eyes.

“Yeah,” Cartman nodded, “Two of them are sat in this room.”

Tweek shifted uncomfortably in her seat and Craig tensed.

FF looked taken a back for a moment, his eyes falling on Tweek, as though he didn’t quite believe Cartman that she had been one of Craig’s victims. Surely she was too geeky for that. Tweek briefly met his gaze before quickly looking away, confirming that the fat boy was right and also silently thanking him for plonking Craig next to her. Good job, FF.

“Right,” FF said and Tweek could tell he was looking for a way to salvage the situation. He had well and truly embarrassed three out of the four students and they were only fifteen minutes into the day. Cartman was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

“I’m just going to go and photocopy some papers, I’ll be five minutes,” he announced abruptly, rising from his seat and walking out the door.

Tweek wanted to laugh at the blatant lie. He probably didn’t have anything to photocopy. He clearly just wanted to escape the bollock that he’d dropped.

As soon as FF had gone, Cartman spoke, knowing he only had a five-minute window to inflict as much damage with his tongue as possible.

“So Craig. You know, you’ve slept with 100% of women in this room, right?” He grinned, his stupid cheesy fucking grin.

Craig didn’t reply, just shot him a warning look but Cartman knew it was an empty threat, remembering what Mr Jackson had said to them both. Craig wouldn’t risk not being able to graduate. Not with a full scholarship to Michigan hanging in the balance.

“Who was better? I bet it was Tweek, wasn’t it?” Cartman waggled his eyebrows suggestively, “I bet she likes it rough,” he said, cocking his head over to Wendy as if to remind Craig how savage the tiny blonde could be.

Tweek closed her eyes, breathing deeply, silently willing FF to return from his fake photocopying session. Craig was staring straight ahead, as though he was concentrating very hard on keeping himself grounded. He was probably counting to ten or something.

“Tweek, how about you? Who’s better in bed? Craig or Kyle?” Cartman turned his attention to the blonde. He asked the question like he was asking her if she liked cats or dogs, or vanilla or chocolate. Like it was no big deal.

“It can’t be Kyle, surely. I bet he didn’t have a fucking clue what he was doing….oh wait…he didn’t, did he? That’s why you had to ride his circumcised Jew-cock,” Cartman grinned and Craig clenched his fists.

“Come on! We’re all friends here. I mean, I’d tell you what Wendy was like in bed, but like, Craig already knows.”

Wendy snapped her head up, “You fucking asshole, Cartman!” She yelled, her face flushing crimson from either anger or embarrassment, Tweek couldn’t really distinguish between the two.

Craig’s eyebrows were raised in shock - so Wendy and Cartman had fucked? Jesus Christ, she must have been desperate.

“What!? Oh! I’m sorry, I forgot it was supposed to be a ‘secret’,” Cartman protested innocently, like he hadn’t known exactly what he was doing.

Wendy and Cartman started arguing with Wendy hurling insults in such a high pitched screech, Tweek was pretty sure only dogs could hear her.

Tweek accidentally caught Craig’s eye, as she watched the argument, and when he smirked at her, she couldn’t help but smirk back. It was pretty funny. But then she remembered the video Bebe Stevens had sent her, showing Craig and Wendy getting hot and heavy and the smirk soon slid off her face.

FF hurried back into the room with a stack of papers clutched loosely in his hands. Tweek bet they were all blank…like he had just grabbed them on his way out of the copy room, as prop, to prove that he did indeed have copying to do and wasn’t just hiding out waiting for the awkward tension to pass. He was scowling hard at Wendy and Cartman, and Tweek knew he had been alerted to the room by the racket they were making.

“Woah! Woah! I leave the room for five god damn minutes!” He yelled at the pair of them, his arms flailing wildly, blank paper flying about all over the show. They instantly shut up and put their heads down. “Christ, you do know you’re seniors, right?” he huffed, stomping back over to his desk and sitting down.

The room fell silent again much to Tweek’s delight and she finally opened her book, ready to lose herself in the wonderful wizarding world that was Hazza P.

 

* * *

 

 

At about 11.40am FF thought it was safe to try again with her, “So, Tallulah?” he announced, waiting for the blonde to stop reading.

Tweek reluctantly looked up from her book, she was at the bit with the troll in the girls’ bathroom and was quite irritated that FF had disturbed her. You don’t just disturb someone reading Hazza P, it was like an unwritten rule – who knows what bit she could have been on? She could have easily have been on the bit where Voldemort appears out of the back of Quirrel’s head, which would have been impossible to tear her eyes away from. How fucking rude. He was lucky it was just the troll. She had almost forgotten that she was in detention but then her eyes adjusted to her surroundings and she quickly remembered that Craig was sitting next to her. How could she forget? Their shoulders and arms were getting very nicely acquainted.

“Are you serious about this wrestling thing?” He asked her cautiously and Tweek could tell he was choosing his words carefully, in an effort not to embarrass her further.

No. She wasn’t fucking serious. Where the fuck would she start? It’s not like you could go to Wrestling College, could you? This wasn’t a Pixar movie. There would be no equivalent of Monsters University for her.

“Um, I don’t know,” she said timidly, aware that whenever she did anything, Craig seemed to stare at her.

“Because, well, after our conversation, I did some digging and um, well long story short, a friend of a friend of a friend actually owns an academy in Indiana and um, well, I spoke to him about you and they would be willing to take you if you were interested?” He said, leaning over and giving her the stack of, what Tweek had assumed was blank pieces of paper, instead she saw it was an application form, information on the academy and a list of nearby colleges.

She was gobsmacked.

“And like, you could train whilst you’re at college, if you wanted to go to college that is. But, if not, well, I know that your parents own coffee shops in Indiana and I thought that maybe you could work at one.”

Tweek raised her eyebrows at him. She couldn’t believe he had gone out of his way to help her. He hadn’t just written her off as being an idiot…he had taken her seriously. Even though she had told him she wanted to be a professional wrestler.

“Thank you,” she smiled at him, her eyes falling to the paper in front of her. She hadn’t really thought about what she would do after school but since she had agreed to be Kyle’s girlfriend, she had briefly thought that maybe she could move to New York to be closer to him and open a Tweek Coffee store that her dad so desperately wanted. Not that she had told Kyle this, of course. After all, they’d only been going out for five days.

But this... This was an actual plan. Like, she could train and go to college and major in Business like her dad wanted her to. Like, even if the wrestling thing went nowhere, at least she could say that she gave it a shot.

 

* * *

 

 

When lunch time finally arrived FF wasted no time in leaving the room, telling them that they could also leave the school so long as they were back for 12.45, as he was feeling generous.

“Jesus Christ, Tweek. Are you fucking Mr Hammond, too?” Cartman scoffed when FF had disappeared, Wendy snorted out a laugh. He got up out of his chair, removing a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket, “Craig, you coming?”

Craig shook his head, clearly still salty about Cartman’s earlier comments.

“Wendy?” Cartman asked, looking down at the girl with her head still buried in her books.

Wendy seemed to think long and hard about her options. On the one hand, if she stayed, it would be her, Tweek and Craig alone in a room. On the other, if she went, it would just be her and Cartman. Both options were fucking hideous. In the end, she sighed, reluctantly getting to her feet to follow the fat boy.

“Now, I’m only offering you a cigarette, Wendy, not my dick, okay?”

Wendy smacked his arm harshly and Cartman grinned, “I’m kidding babe, you can have my dick anytime.”

Wendy stalked off out of the room with Cartman in tow, he stopped when he was at the door and turned back to Craig and Tweek, “Now, I know you struggle to keep your panties on, Tweek, but Kyle’s my favourite Jew, so think it through before you rim, Craig, okay?”

Tweek wanted to die. First of all, she wasn’t rimming anyone, she’d only just started having sex, she wasn’t about to lick a bumhole. Second of all, that ship had fucking sailed…Craig and Tweek’s relationship was like the S.S. Anne on Pokemon Red. Once it had gone, it was gone. That was it…it wasn’t coming back. And third of all, she had only slept with two people, how the fuck had she got this reputation?

She was tamping, fuming, raging. How fucking dare he even suggest such a thing… she would never do that Kyle!

It was immediately awkward with just the two of them. Tweek quickly rooted in her backpack for her noise cancelling headphones and the lunch Kyle had packed for her. She wasted no time in putting on a random playlist and cranked up the volume in an effort to silently tell Craig not to even try and speak to her.

She opened the brown paper bag and took out its contents. Kyle had made her a PB and Jelly sandwich and had packed her some carrot sticks and hummous, a tiny tube of Pringles, a bottle of water and a Snickers. Oh fuck. She hadn’t had a Snickers since the incident of the camp hand job three years ago. She shuddered and shoved it back in the bag, shaking the memory away. Her hand brushed against a piece of paper and she realised that the redhead had also wrote her a fucking note. It was like a cuteness overload. She unfolded it, not even giving a toss if Craig could see or not. He had probably already seen the doodle of the heart on the bag which had been done with a Sharpie. Tweek kind of hoped he realised that her _boyfriend_ had made her lunch. Her fucking lovely boyfriend, Kyle who was proud to say he _was_ her boyfriend, had packed her a cute as fuck lunch. _What the fuck have you done for me lately, Craig?_ She thought.

She smiled reading the brief but sentimental note:

**_Tweek,_**

**_You make me really happy._ **

**_Kyle x_ **

It was short and sweet but said so much more than it seemed. After staring at it for a prolonged period of time, she finally folded it and put it in her backpack. She would definitely be adding it to her noticeboard.

She knew that Craig was staring at her and was secretly happy that he would have seen the note.

_Fuck you, you fucking prick._

They continued to sit in silence, Tweek eating her PB and Jelly sandwich, Craig eating his that his mom probably made him. Her music was blasting in her ears, although Tweek wasn’t concentrating on the lyrics. When the song changed, Tweek couldn’t tell you what had been playing before - she was on edge. She needed FF to return to break the horrid tension that you could cut with a fucking spatula. It was like this horrible feeling, not too dissimilar to how she had felt in biology, knowing that he’d seen her cum face. It was like there was a bright pink elephant in the room that they couldn’t acknowledge because they **WERE** the fucking elephant.

Fortunately, Kenny McCormick appeared in the doorway, bringing a sweet relief to the atmosphere. A bit like it raining after a drought. Kenny was monsoon season and she had never been so happy to see him.

“Howdy campers!” he grinned at them both, his eyebrows raising significantly at Craig when he realised how close him and the blonde were sitting.

Tweek pulled her headphones off and smiled at him, “Hey Kenny,” she greeted, “Where’s Marj?”

“On stage,” he smiled. Tweek knew it was the technical rehearsal, as Marj had told her, she too, would be at school on a Saturday, in an effort to make her feel better.

“How’s it going?” She asked him.

“Ughhh, not well. We’re gonna be here till’ at least seven,” Kenny complained. He was wearing his Kenickie get up which included tight jeans that were too short for him, a white t-shirt and the leather T-Birds jacket.

“We’re here all day tomorrow too,” he sighed.

Tweek smiled sympathetically at him and put her headphones back on, letting the two best friends catch up. When FF, Cartman and Wendy returned Kenny quickly made himself scarce.

 

* * *

 

 

At 1.30pm, Tweek had had enough of reading Hazza P and she set it down, opting to whip out her sketch book instead. She began doodling random things…like nothing in particular - flowers, shapes, animals whatever came to her head. She was shading in a rose that she had drawn when Craig shoved a piece of paper her way.

Her heart stopped, as she glanced down, expecting to see a note of some sort. Instead she saw the words ‘Hangman’ and six dashes, followed by a space and then seven more dashes.

 

_ _ _ _ _ _        _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

She quirked her eyebrow and shot Craig a, “Really?” look. When he nodded impassively, she hastily scribbled down the letter ‘A’ on the paper.

Game on.

Craig filled in the blanks and handed it her back.

 

_ A _ _ A _        _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

Tweek scribbled down an ‘E’ next, clearly working her way through the vowels.

 

_ A _ _ A _       _ E _ _ _ _ _

 

When Tallulah wrote ‘I’ on the sheet, Craig’s face lit up and he quickly drew a straight line, indicating the start of the gallows. Tweek furrowed her brow.

‘O’ she wrote and watched again as Craig smiled, drawing a horizontal line which connected to the other he had drawn.

She snatched the paper back and wrote a ‘U’ quickly.

Craig sighed and reluctantly filled in a blank.

 

_ A _ _ A _     _ E _ U _ _ _

 

Tweek smiled and thought hard about her next letter. Craig tapped his pen impatiently, as though she was taking too long deciding. She rolled her eyes and wrote ‘T’ on the paper.

Craig pulled a face and filled in another two blanks.

 

_ A T _ A _   _ E T U _ _ _

 

Tweek then followed with the letters ‘S’ and then ‘R’ which happened to both be in Craig’s chosen words.

 

_ A T _ A _   RETUR _ S

 

She stared at the piece of paper long and hard. The second word was clearly ‘Returns’…so something returns… suddenly it dawned on her and she snapped her fingers grabbing the sheet off him and filling it in.

 

B A T M A N   R E T U R N S

 

Craig smiled at her and nodded his head, handing her a fresh sheet of paper. She decided to go for Jurassic Park, handing the blanks back to Craig to guess. It took him a lot longer than it had taken her and his man was almost hung before he guessed it. Even though he was only four letters away:

 

_ U R A S S I _       _ A R _

 

How he didn’t get it sooner, Tweek didn’t know.

For his next turn, Craig tried to be clever and opted for a TV show to throw her off her game. Unfortunately, he decided to pick ‘Rick and Morty’, one of her favourite cartoons and she guessed it immediately, following her use of the ‘A, E, I, O, U, R and T’ strategy. Craig rolled his eyes, as he added another point to her tally.

Tweek managed to catch Craig out with ‘Pikachu’ which he didn’t guess in time before she completed his hung man, complete with crosses for eyes and his tongue sticking out. Craig chuckled silently at the drawing and when she completed the word for him, he frowned and mouthed ‘not fair’ at her, which made her grin evilly.

They continued playing hangman in silence, which made the last hour and a half fly by. With only ten minutes of their detention left, it was Craig’s turn to choose the word.

He scribbled down on a blank sheet and passed it over to her. Tweek stared down at the piece of paper, expecting to see more dashes but she was met with a brief note.

_Can we talk?_

This time, her heart did stop beating and she froze completely. She could feel him staring at her, waiting for a reply. She gripped the paper and shook her head gently, barely even moving it. But she knew he had seen.

Craig shoved another piece of paper her way.

 

_Please?_

Tweek stared down at the word, and started biting her thumbnail anxiously. Her heart had roared back to life with a vengeance and was pounding furiously against her ribcage.

What could he possibly have to say to her?

 

* * *

 

FF let Cartman and Wendy go five minutes earlier than Tweek and Craig, using the excuse of how he didn’t want any further fights, as though they were going to perform South Park High’s rendition of West Side Story in the parking lot.

Tweek had groaned. The paper with _‘please’_ on was still eyeballing her…Craig, was still eyeballing her.

When the five minutes was up and they were finally released, Tweek moved at the speed of light, grabbing her bag and nailing it to the door.

She could hear Craig’s footsteps behind her and really wished she wasn’t five feet fuck all. She couldn’t out-walk him.

She decided to try and lose him, taking the scenic route to the car park, past her and Kyle’s shared locker, hoping that he’d get the fucking hint to back off and leave her alone.

He didn’t.

“What? What Craig? What do you want?” She finally gave up, stopping abruptly to face her stalker.

“Can you like, just hear me out?”

Tweek laughed harshly and shook her head in disbelief, “Hear you out? What could you possibly have to say to me?”

_‘I’m sorry’ might be a good fucking start._

Craig grabbed her arm, “Please, Tallulah,” he begged desperately.

Tweek ripped her arm out of his grasp and carried on walking, reluctantly stopping when she heard him utter, “Please” again in a small voice.

She turned to face him and shrugged impassively, “Fine. Say what you have to say.”

Craig nodded and furrowed his brows, Tweek could tell he was thinking hard.

“I just…I can’t believe you had sex with him.”

Fury flashed across Tweek’s face and she was blinded by rage. That’s what he wanted to say to her!? 

“You fucking asshole!" She screamed before turning and storming away. She was angry at herself for even giving him the chance to talk to her. What did she expect?!

"Tallulah, wait!" Craig called out to her catching her up and grabbing her arm again.

Tweek wheeled around to face him, yanking her arm out of his grasp.

"You're such a fucking hypocrite!"

Craig furrowed his brows in confusion, "What?"

"So it's okay for you to sleep with Wendy but when I try to move on--"

“What?! I didn’t sleep with Wendy?” Craig protested in disbelief.

“Bebe sent me the videos of you making out, I’m not a fucking idiot, Craig.”

“Nothing happened!”

Tweek scoffed, “Yeah, right.”

“I swear to God! Ask Kenny. I pushed her away!”

Tweek briefly raised her eyebrows in surprise before her face fell back into a scowl, “It doesn’t even matter anyway.”

A look of realisation slowly washed over Craig, “That’s why you slept with him, isn’t it?”

Tweek shook her head and bit her lip before turning and walking away again. But she was stopped once again by one of Craig’s hands grabbing her arm.

“Let go of me!” She warned.

“No.”

“Fuck off!” She shouted, trying to pull away from his grasp.

Craig’s grip was relentless and he held her with ease.

“Do you even like him?”

“Fuck you,” She spat.

“Do you?! Tell me the truth. Tell me the fucking truth and I’ll let you go.”

“YES! I like him! I like him very fucking much!”

Craig sneered and shook his head, “You’re lying.”

“Am I?!”

“Yeah. You are.”

“I liked him enough to  _fuck him_ , Craig,” she taunted, smirking when Craig winced at her words. “I liked him enough to suck his dic—“

“SHUT UP!” Craig shouted, releasing her from his grasp and punching one of the nearby lockers.

Tweek should have been scared. She should have flinched and felt intimidated by his outburst of violence but it just spurred her on.

“ _You_  didn’t want me! You made that very fucking clear!”

Craig snapped his head up to look at her, “When did I say I didn’t want you?!”

“You told me we were just two people fucking. You told me that you didn’t want to be my boyfriend. You can’t get mad now because someone does. It doesn’t work like that!”

Craig shook his head, “I never said I didn’t want to be your boyfriend.”

Tweek looked at him in disbelief, “Oh sorry, my mistake. I must have fucking imagined it,” she said sarcastically.

“I said I  _wasn’t_ your boyfriend. I never said I didn’t  _want to be_  your boyfriend.”

“WHAT'S THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE!?” She screamed in his face, hating herself for losing her shit in front of him. “Honestly, fuck you. I’ve listened to what you have to say and I’m done. Never fucking talk to me again.”

This time, she didn’t give him a chance to grab her and she rapidly walked away, as fast as her little legs would carry her.

It took Craig all of two seconds to catch her up but this time, instead of grabbing her, he stood in front of her.

“Move.”

“No.”

Tweek tried to go around him but Craig obstructed her path.

“Move, Craig.”

“No.”

“Why are you doing this? Do you get off on torturing me or something?!” 

"No?"

“Then WHY!? Why are you doing this!? Why can’t you just leave me alone!?" Her voice cracked at the end and Tweek could feel herself getting teary eyed. She really didn’t want to cry in front of him.

Craig took a step towards her but Tweek viciously pushed him away.

"No, seriously. Why!? Why are you fucking doing this?!" Tweek pushed him again in anger, "Why are you even fucking talking to me? Why Craig!?"

Another push.

"Why do you even care!?" She screamed with a final push to him. "WHY!?"

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

Tweek stopped dead and her eyes widened in shock. She was pretty sure that her heart had just exploded and that the world had stopped spinning. In fact, Armageddon had definitely happened – Bruce Willis hadn’t managed to blow up the asteroid after all.

“What?” She whispered, her voice barely audible.

Craig didn’t respond. His cheeks had flushed crimson and he was staring at the ground. Tweek searched his face and realised that he had meant what he said. She inhaled sharply.

It was everything she had wanted to hear when they had been together. 

But they weren't together. 

She was with Kyle.

"You can't say that."

Craig lifted his head to look at her, "What?"

"You treated me like shit. I wasn't good enough for you. You didn't want me." Tweek furiously shook her head, as if she was trying to erase what had just happened. The tears she had tried so desperately to hold back were spilling out of the corners of her eyes and streaming down her cheeks. She was angry. How fucking dare he? How fucking dare he say those words to her after everything.

Craig stepped towards her carefully, "Tallulah--" 

"Don't." Tweek sobbed, flinching away from his touch, furiously wiping at her face with her hands.

Craig didn't listen to her and continued to step towards her, pulling her into a hug.

She tried to fight against him. 

"Fuck you." She said bitterly, attempting to push him away. But Craig just held her tighter.

"Fuck you." She repeated but in a much softer voice, as she stopped trying to fight him, letting her body slump against his. She was exhausted, mentally. Her brain was mush. It felt like it been put in a blender, along with an avocado and some blueberries.

“Fuck you.”She whispered.

They stood in the empty hallway for what seemed like an eternity, Craig just holding her, Tweek letting herself be held by the boy who had seemingly both stolen her heart and broken it, and tried to put it back to-fucking-gether, like she was Humpty Dumpty.

Eventually, Craig pulled away to look at her and Tweek reluctantly met his gaze through bloodshot eyes. She was breathing hard and her heart was pounding furiously in her chest.

She wanted to scream at him, to punch him, to hurt him, just like she had wanted to do when he had told her he wasn’t her boyfriend. Why was he like this? If something was black, Craig would say it was white. Where the fuck did she stand with him? Why did he make everything so fucking hard? It was his fault they weren’t together anymore… And, anyway, fuck him! She was with Kyle now. **_She was with Kyle_**. Tweek tried desperately to picture her boyfriend. Her sweet, lovely, adoring boyfriend, who made her a cute as fuck lunch and was taking her to the movies on a date. Her boyfriend who would never be ashamed to be seen with her, who would tell the world, if he could, that she was his.

And yet, she couldn't get Craig’s words out of her head.

He loved her and, despite everything he had done, she knew she loved him too.

Half of Tweek wanted to fight Craig off of her when he leant down and kissed her; wanted to punch him in the face for treating her like she didn’t matter, for blowing hot and cold, for ruining what they had; wanted to run back to the safety of her new boyfriend and never look back.

But the other half of her wanted Craig so badly it hurt. She wanted every bit of him. From his tongue swirling around her mouth, to his big fat dick that was pressed against her own groin. She wanted it all.

She wished she could say that the more sensible half of her won out, and that she did run away, away from Craig Tucker and all of his frustrating and confusing mind games, back to the safety of her new boyfriend, Kyle Broflovski who would always choose her.

But she couldn't say that at all. Because as soon as Craig's lips touched her own, she was powerless to stop the other half of her, the irresponsible and reckless, the fucking stupid decision making, heartless bitch, half of her. The half of her that loved Craig Tucker.

She made the choice to let that half win.

She made the choice to kiss Craig back, to melt into his arms, breathing in the familiar scent that made her head fuzzy and her heart ache.

She made the choice not to stop Craig as he hoisted her up against the locker she and Kyle shared, peeling down her panties and unzipping himself from his jeans.

She made the choice to let him enter her, crying out in ecstacy as he fucked her raw against the lockers of the isolated hallway.

And she made the choice to whisper to him, as they both came in unison, "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please do leave your comments and kudos, it warms my cockles well and truly. 
> 
> Also, feel free to ask me questions on Tumblr. I is Guestswithoutbags as I kept overhearing it when once on a holiday at Disney World....
> 
> It's the small things in life.


	19. Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a billy ballache to complete....gah!

"So, have you thought about what you're gonna do when you get to college?"

Kyle posed the question to his best friend right before he took a huge bite out of a slice of pepperoni pizza. He had invited Stan around to hang out after his plans had fallen through with Tweek. Her mom had surprised her with  _Wicked_  tickets and a reservation at one of Denver’s most swankiest restaurants, so he couldn’t exactly be mad at her. He’d just have to catch the new  _Avengers_  movie another time.

"Um...party hard?" Stan answered unsurely, as if it was a trick question.

Kyle rolled his eyes, "No you idiot. I meant, like...you and Taylor, dude."

Stan raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Oh right, um, yeah. We agreed to like, to um, to end things.”

"What!? Why?!"

"Dude, we're both going to college."

"So?"

"Well... like, you have to be realistic?”

“You could make it work!”

“Dude, I was with Wendy for ten years, I haven’t experienced single life…you know?” Stan gave him a cheeky grin, alluding to sexual escapades better left unsaid.

Kyle did not know. He had never had a girlfriend before and the thought of him and Tweek ending things just because he was going to college, seemed absolutely absurd to him. He didn’t want anyone else… like ever. Tweek was enough for him, and even though they had only been dating for five days, Kyle would go as far as to say she was  _the one._

“The single life’s not all that great,” Kyle huffed, taking another bite of his slice.

Stan stifled a smirk - his version of the single life and Kyle’s version of the single life were completely different. Stan was pretty sure, Kyle’s version didn’t include casual sex with as many horny college girls as possible…but Stan’s did. He couldn’t fucking wait if truth be told. Since he had been crowned a state champion, he had found confidence in himself that he never thought possible. He wasn’t quite arrogant but it was hard not to believe your own hype with the amount of girls falling at your feet, just because one of your fingers now displayed a cheap nickel championship ring. He had already been inundated with offers for prom…some of which were _very_ hard to turn down. But he had, of course, because of Taylor who he had promised to take - call it their ‘last hurrah’ or whatever.

Sure, Taylor was a great girl, with a terrific set of tits and an ass that wouldn’t quit. But before Stan succumbed to adulthood, to becoming a middle-aged balding and overweight coot stuck in a dead-end job and probably married to a girl that had once been a cheerleader but had let herself go after popping out two kids and an unlimited amount of mimosas, Stan was sure as hell going to have his fucking fun.

“I’ll make it great,” he winked before taking a bite out of his own slice.

Kyle had chosen a movie for them to watch in an effort to make up for his lack of Marvel superheroes. He had opted for _Justice League_  which, let’s be honest, sucked dick compared to  _The Avengers._

“Well, um, I…I think me and Tweek are gonna stay together,” Kyle declared without conviction.

Stan was quiet as he digested Kyle’s words. He felt like a goddamn idiot. His friend was looking for reassurance that his new relationship – his  _first_  fucking relationship – would stand the test of college. College. One of the hardest obstacles a couple could face. As if it wasn’t enough to throw new people, a new environment and new experiences into the mix, you also had to survive long fucking distance. Skyping instead of fucking; seeing each other every couple of months, instead of every day; and of course, abstaining from temptations. Temptations that came in the form of very horny teenagers who were away from home for the first time.

Well, if anyone could do it, it would be Kyle.

“Yeah, yeah! That…yeah! You can totally make it work!” Stan over-egged his response to his friend.

“Right?” Kyle agreed, despite knowing full well that Stan was just humouring him.

“Yeah, totally!” Stan nodded eagerly, “Like she can definitely come and visit you in… in…” Stan paused, realising he had no idea where Kyle was going to college. He had been so wrapped up in football and his new squeeze, that he hadn’t even asked Kyle where he was going, even though he knew that Kyle had been agonising over entrance exams and scholarships. Christ, he really was a pretty shitty friend, “Wait, dude, where are you going again?”

“Oh…um…yeah…well I….I got into Harvard,” Kyle smiled sheepishly, shrugging as though it was no big deal.

“WHAT!?” Stan squawked in his face, in the same fashion he had done when Kyle had told him he had fucked Tweek. He dropped his slice of pizza, not caring that the greasy slice had landed against his pristine white t-shirt.

“Yeah, um, I found out last Saturday.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me!?”

“I dunno, it just never…um….I don’t know,” Kyle laughed.

“So you tell me about fucking your new girlfriend but neglect to mention Harvard?” Stan grinned.

“Well…” Kyle returned his grin, “That was more important.”

A sound of a cough startled the boys and they turned to Kyle's freshly opened door, coming face to face with an angry looking Sheila Broflovski. Kyle hated it whenever she did her ‘silent ninja attack’ – he could never hear her coming, which was ironic considering he had, on more than one occasion, been caught watching porn whilst trying to get himself off. She had probably definitely heard him cumming…He really couldn’t wait to move away to college.

Kyle flushed crimson and looked down at the floor unable to meet his mom’s gaze - he knew instantly that she had heard what Stan had said.

“Stanley, your mother just called. She needs you home,” Sheila said curtly, her eyes blazing with fury.

“Oh…right, um, okay,” Stan mumbled in mortification, jumping to his feet as quick as he could and scrambling for his jacket. Kyle couldn’t look at him but knew he would be a similar shade of red.

“Kyle, can I see you downstairs?” His mother asked him sternly and Kyle knew it wasn’t a question. He nodded and reluctantly lifted his head to meet her gaze, briefly catching Stan’s sympathetic expression before his friend fled the scene, like the room had just burst into flames or something.

Actually…that would have probably been better.

He was in deep shit.

His mother stalked off and Kyle knew it was so she could pre-warn his father that their eldest son was no longer a virgin. He cringed hard and tried to mentally prepare himself for his parent’s onslaught. It was never pleasant when Sheila Broflovski got angry, and his dad, well, he was a lawyer, Kyle had never won an argument against him.

They were sat waiting for him at the kitchen table, as Kyle finally made his way downstairs to face them. Ike shot him a devilish grin from the sofa – it was that grin only siblings used when they knew the other one was about to get their ass handed to them.

“Sit down, son,” His father said kindly, causing Kyle to raise his eyebrows in surprise. Whenever he had been in this situation before, his parents had always used their ‘we’re very disappointed in you, Kyle’ voice.

His cheeks had barely touched the seat before his mum shrieked, “I just cannot believe it!”

Ahhh, there it was. There was the voice.

Kyle looked down at his hands, silently praying for this to be over with as quick as possible.

“Sex, Kyle?! SEX?!” Sheila shrieked and Kyle died a little inside, knowing that his twelve year old brother could hear every fucking word. He really didn’t know why they had made the fuss of moving into the kitchen, they might as well be sat on Ike’s lap. His mother’s voice was like surround sound.

“Kyle, we just need to know that you’re being careful—“

“Careful!? CAREFULL!? Gerald, he is going to college – HARVARD, GERALD!!” Sheila shouted hysterically, rounding on her husband’s laid-back take on what she deemed was the end of the world. “Kyle, what would happen if you got this girl pregnant, hmm!? There would be no Harvard, no college, you’d have to drop out and work at McDonald’s for the rest of your life!!”

Kyle wanted to roll his eyes at his mother’s hysteria but knew better than to ridicule her in the middle of one of her meltdowns. He continued to stare at his hands, imagining Tweek pregnant with his child. He didn’t exactly hate the thought.

“And even if you didn’t get her pregnant, what about college!? We talked about this! The rule was no girlfriends until after…after…Is she even Jewish!?” His mother seethed. She seemed to be going from one point to the next, not making much sense. Kyle figured she couldn’t settle on which point she was most angry about. He suspected it was just the fact that he’d stuck his dick in someone before getting his degree.

“Honey, come on now, it’s normal for a boy his age to be sexually curious—“

 _Oh god. Please kill me,_ Kyle cringed.

“He’s seventeen, Gerald!”

“Eighteen in a month… come on, honey,” Gerald pleaded with her.

Sheila’s chest was rising and falling rapidly, as she breathed in anger. She seemed to be thinking things through in her head, which was highly unusual for her. Kyle chanced a glance at his dad who was looking at him with the same sympathetic face that Stan had shot him before he had bailed…Christian Baled. Kyle knew he shouldn’t be mad at his best friend but if Stan hadn’t had his phone on fucking silent, he would have heard his mom calling and Kyle wouldn’t be in this position.

“Who is it?” Sheila finally asked after they had sat in silence for a few minutes.

Kyle hesitated, thinking of his options. If he withheld information from his mother, his life wouldn’t be worth living. On the other hand, revealing he was going out with Tweek would probably be just as bad.

In the end he decided it was best to tell them.

“Tallulah, he stated in a low voice.

His mother blinked at him, “But she’s going out with Craig Tucker – his mother told me so herself!” Sheila protested and Kyle could sense the desperation in her voice. Her desperate need to know that he was lying. That he wasn’t going out with the girl who wore the people equal shit t-shirt. That she was with Craig. That Tallulah was Laura Tucker’s problem.

“She was but…she um… well. She’s with me now.”

His mom and dad shot each other a look which didn’t go unnoticed by Kyle. It was the ‘Shit. What do we do now?’ look. Maybe it was because of the t-shirt. Maybe it was because she wasn’t Jewish. Or maybe it was because no matter who it was, they would never be good enough for him in their eyes.

“Kyle, I’m going to have to call her mother and let her know that you two are having intercourse—“

Kyle cringed at the word ‘intercourse’.

“Ma, NO!” He pleaded desperately. That phone call would ruin his fucking life, “MA, PLEASE!”

“You’re seventeen, Kyle, you’re underage – she needs to kno—“

“Ma, please. I am begging you. Please.”

Sheila surveyed her son warily and Kyle could tell she was thinking how did he get so big, when did he grow up, ya-dee-ya-dee-ya.

“Honey, let Kyle talk to Tallulah,” His dad finally sprung to his defence. Kyle looked at him gratefully, it was better late than never, “He can tell her to talk to her mom.”

Sheila cocked an eyebrow at her husband, clearly unhappy with the suggestion.

“How old is Tallulah?” She spat.

“Seventeen?”

“Uh-huh. And when’s her birthday?”

“August.”

Sheila looked deflated and he knew she was going to try and use the excuse of Tweek being older than him and taking advantage of him. Well she kind of had taken advantage of him… not that he had minded or anything.

The table fell silent again and Kyle knew his mother was searching for another argument in favour of phoning Tweek’s parents in an effort to split them up.

“I’d like you to invite Tallulah over for dinner.”

Kyle snapped his head up upon hearing his mother’s words.

“What?”

“Dinner, Kyle. I’d like you to invite Tallulah for dinner.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll ask her but—“

“But what, Kyle? Would she have a problem coming for dinner?”

“No, no! She, um…”

“Good. It’s settled then. How about next Tuesday?”

Kyle knew that, once again, this wasn’t a question he had an option of saying no to. He forced a smile on his face.

“Tuesday… great.”

  

* * *

 

“So… yeah.”

Tweek finished her long-winded explanation to her mom on why she needed her help. She had debated on asking Marj to help her out of the, um, ‘sticky’ situation she was in, but what with the frantic  _Grease_ rehearsals, the blonde didn’t seem to have a moment to spare. It’s not like Tweek could wait until after the show either…even she knew that these matters had an expiration date, so to speak. So she had sought solace in her mother, having figured that if she was okay with teaching Tweek about using safe words when partaking in bondage, she would be more than fine with a case of unprotected sex and a possible teenage pregnancy.

Tweek’s mom took a long sip of her chai tea, thinking through what her daughter had just told her. They were sat in their usual spots within the Tweek Coffee store that they so often frequented; Tweek’s vanilla latte had gone untouched, the foam long since evaporating leaving an underwhelming white mess. A bit like the seeping semen she had experienced after cheating on her boyfriend with her ex…wait was Craig her ex? They had never labelled it…did she have a right to call him her ex? Well whatever the fuck he was, she had still cheated on her lovely boyfriend with him, and it was his fucking semen that crept down her leg before she could even pull her panties up. It was only then, as the warm liquid oozed out of her creating one of the worse sensations she had ever felt, that she realised they hadn’t used protection. She blamed it on the heat of the moment and hoped to shit that gravity would step up and stop any sperm from fertilising the egg that might be floating around in her tubes. But then she remembered that the fuckers could swim and gravity was a lost cause.

Tweek had a mild panic attack at the thought of one of Craig’s sperm which, if Craig was anything to go by, would be athletic as fuck, doing the fucking front crawl to her egg at a rapid rate…like Michael Phelps or something. She easily masked her panic with the heavy breathing one could associate with just being fucked against your boyfriend’s locker by your ex-whatever. In reality, her shallow breaths were the result of the impending baby that was about to shoot out of her at any moment, because of Craig’s super-human athletic sperm.

Tweek had resigned herself to the fact that she was probably already pregnant even though it hadn’t even been a minute since Craig had shot his load in her. And because it was her life, she would probably give birth to octuplets who she definitely couldn’t pass off as Kyle’s, as they would all have black hair and _his_ fucking blue eyes.

_God damn those eyes._

She neglected to bring this up with Craig, as they were interrupted by Esther Stoley who just happened to be helping with the lighting for _Grease._ She eyed them warily but luckily for Tweek, she had already pulled her panties back up by that point and Craig’s dick was safetly back inside his pants, and although they were still in kind of a compromising position (Craig millimetres from her, both with red flushed faces and hair askew), Tweek managed to push Craig away and darted for the exit, praying to Christ that she didn’t slip on any of the semen that had catapulted out of her.

Tweek didn’t look back, as she dived into her car and sped away, heading straight to Denver, to her mom and dad’s apartment, surprising them with her presence and using the excuse that ‘she just missed them’ as the reason why she had decided to drop/barge in. It wasn’t until the next morning, after Tweek had endured a sleepless night, filled with ignoring Craig’s text messages (of which there were many), that she asked her mom if they could talk.

She had decided to be completely honest with her, telling her everything, from her first time with Craig, to the validating fuck with Kyle, and even the furious passionate love-filled (or lust-filled – she couldn’t decide) sex against the lockers with Craig, and of course everything in between.

Her mom hadn’t said much, just listened. Listened to the life she knew nothing about, to her seemingly innocent, broken daughter who hadn’t said so much as boo to a goose since Evelyn’s death. Yet here she was. Involved in a love triangle with the best looking boy at school and a nerdy Jewish boy. Sleeping with both of them, possibly pregnant with the better-looking one’s child, but committed to the other - it was like something out of a Spanish soap opera.

“Okay,” Tweek’s mom finally nodded after she was certain her daughter had finished speaking. She hoped her voice was light and non-judgemental. This is what they had always taught Tallulah, that she could come to them with anything. Whenever she was in trouble or needed them, they would find a way to fix it. Whether that was helping to cover a murder or helping to raise a baby, they would do anything for her.

“So we have two options. We can go to the drugstore and get you  _Plan B…_  or… if you didn’t want that…we could…well you could,” Tweek’s mom paused, twirling her hands around, “You could  _keep_  the baby….that is, if there  _is_  a baby.”

Tweek gave her mom her best 'WTF' face and shook her head slowly... _was she fucking serious?_

“Mom. I _cannot_ have a baby at seventeen.”

“Well, technically, you’d be eighteen.”

Tweek narrowed her eyes at her mom who then changed tactics.

“You might not even get pregnant, Lulu – honestly, it’s harder than they say!”

Who the fuck were ' _they'_? The powers that be who set the difficulty levels on getting pregnant? Tweek really didn’t want to take the chance and do nothing. If she risked it for a chocolate biscuit, the opposite to what she wanted to happen would happen. It always fucking did.

She was definitely pregnant and would give birth to the anti-christ, under a cresent moon on a brisk autumn’s day.

“Um, can I…can I get _Plan B_?” Tweek pleaded, the desperation in her voice clearly evident. She was fucking terrified.

She had spent the night googling the success rates and possible side effects of _Plan B_ but had gotten side tracked when she stumbled across an English rapper with the same name. Before she knew it, four hours had passed and she found herself knee deep in the British rap scene, listening to an artist called ‘Dizzee Rascall’ singing about being bonkers.

How the fuck could she have a child? She was a child herself!

Tweek’s mom’s face fell briefly with what Tweek assumed was disappointment but she recovered quickly.

“Of course, darling. But are you sure you don’t want a little more time to think about it?”

More time? Tweek knew what she was doing, she was hoping Tweek would take a few days to think about it and then they wouldn’t be able to get _Plan B_ …they would have to go for Plan C instead which would mean either keeping the baby or the ‘A’ word…

Tweek shuddered.

What the fuck was she worrying about? There was no baby. Just a few rogue swimming sperms that had escaped the seeping semen. It was just a precaution... At least that’s what she kept telling herself.

She shook her head, “No.”

Tweek’s mom shot her a tight lipped smile, “Okay, darling. _Plan B_ it is.”

Tweek smiled back, although it wasn’t a happy smile. It was that smile you pulled when you didn’t know how to react when someone was grieving. Like when no words could convey how you felt.

How was she supposed to feel in this moment? Sat opposite her mom who she had just told her deepest, darkest secrets to and who was helping her procure the morning after pill because she was an idiot who had cheated on her boyfriend.

It turns out the feeling she was supposed to feel was shitty. Really shitty.

Tweek cringed thinking about Kyle. She had managed to fob him off with an excuse as to why she had to bail on their date, going to great lengths to make it believable, with a theatre show and dinner mixed in. It was lucky that she had already seen _Wicked,_ as if he questioned her about it, she’d be able to sound believable and he wouldn’t think that she was lying. Not that he would think she was lying. Who would lie about going to see _Wicked?_ Out of all the excuses she could have used, she had chosen a green-skinned witch to cover up her crime.

And Kyle would not, for one second, think her elaborate theatre going evening was all a ruse - a ruse to throw him off the scent of her cheating ways.

Tweek felt awful. She really did. She didn’t know what was worse, the fact that she had let Craig fuck her against the locker that her current boyfriend had so kindly offered to share with her. Or the fact that she had really fucking enjoyed it.

“What are you thinking about?” Tweek’s mom snapped Tweek out of her daze just in time, before she could start replaying how fucking good it felt.

Tweek bit her lip, “Just, you know…Kyle.”

_Lies_

Tweek’s mom sighed, “Lulu, do you even like this boy?”

The question caught Tweek off guard.

“Yes, I do!” Tweek challenged, a little too defensively. The lady doth protest too much sprung to mind.

“But what about Craig?”

The mention of _his_ name was just as bad as it was seeing him for the first time when she got back from Hawaii. It was like someone had just slapped her across the face.

_‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!’_

Her heart stopped beating at the memory.

“What about him?” Tweek remarked irritably. Her head was a shed. A shed packed with confusing thoughts and emotions. A shed so full of shit, she needed to have a clear out and put some outside her house on the lawn to sell. She was so confused, about everything. She couldn’t bring herself to open Craig’s messages, afraid of what she might find in them.

_‘I love you too.’_

She cringed hard.

“He reminds me of Evelyn.”

“WHAT!?” Tweek spluttered in surprise.

“Black hair…blue eyes? Good looking? If Evelyn was a boy, she’d look like Craig.” Tweek’s mom smiled fondly.

Tweek had never thought about it like that. Did she like Craig because he reminded her of her deceased best friend? No. That was fucked up. That was like some penis-envy, Oedipus shit that Dr Fielding would have definitely explored with her. After all, she had described what Craig looked like in great detail, and Dr Fielding knew all about Evelyn’s blue eyes, as they had been the source of many of Tweek’s awful dreams. The dreams where Evelyn would be sat waiting for her in the driver’s seat of the Ford Thunderbird, but no matter how hard she tried, Tweek was never able to join her in the car. It was like something always got in the way, preventing her from getting there. Like a window salesman playing a trombone or a herd of giraffes crossing the street. Sometimes she got close. Sometimes her hand would be millimetres from the door handle, and Evelyn would smile at her with those blue eyes.

But no matter how hard she willed her subconscious mind, Tweek was never able to join her in the car.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Friday before Tweek went back to school. Her mom had let her take a few ‘personal days’ to sort her head out and Tweek had spent them holed up in the Denver apartment under the pretence of having the flu. She was afraid to go back to South Park and face the music…both figuratively and literally. She had to go back because it was the final night of _Grease,_ and even though she had gifted Marj with a generous bouquet of flowers on opening night, she had a feeling that she would be the world’s shittiest best friend if she didn’t catch at least one performance.

So here she was, pulling into the depressing parking lot, about to come face to face with her boyfriend who she hadn’t seen since last Saturday, before she had ruined everything. Tweek had decided that she wasn’t going to tell Kyle about the incident, thinking that it would only cause unnecessary hurt and it was best if she just try and forget what had happened and move on with life. She only had a month and a bit to get through and then she wouldn’t have to see Craig again. She took a deep breath and stepped out of her car, her eyes instinctively falling on the black Mustang as she made her way to the entrance. She just couldn’t help it.

Tweek walked on autopilot to the scene of the crime, cringing when she came face to face with their shared locker. The memory of Craig fucking her against it flashed through her mind again, as she shakily put in the combination to open it. She scrunched her eyes closed, and gripped the opened door, willing the image to leave her head. But it was like she had PTSD or something. Like when those soldiers from Vietnam are like, “I’ve seen some shit…”

“Hey you!”

Tweek almost soiled herself at the sudden noise and flung the door open, so that it crashed noisily against its neighbour.

“Holy fuck,” she breathed, turning to face Kyle and shooting him a small smile, “You scared the shit out of me.”

Kyle grinned at her and leant in for a kiss which Tweek returned nervously, her heart smashing against her ribcage with guilt. She hoped he wouldn’t be able to feel it.

Kyle pulled away and hummed curiously. What the fuck did that mean? Her mind was racing with too many unwanted thoughts. Could he taste Craig on her? Would he know? Oh god, he knew.

“Sorry. I’ve um, I’ve really missed you,” he said happily and Tweek felt her soul leave her body as a wave of relief washed over her.

He didn’t know.

“I’ve missed you too,” she said softly.

_Yeah I really missed you. I couldn’t even bear to go a day without you which is why I fucked someone else._

She shuddered again at the image and tried to pass it off as a shiver. It was kind of cold, although she couldn’t have been warmer. She was hot, hot with guilt, shame and anxiety.

“Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?”

Tweek looked at her boyfriend with sadness. _Stop being nice to me_ , she thought, _I don’t deserve it._

“No, um, that’s okay, I’m fine honestly.”

“So, I got our tickets for tonight,” Kyle chirped happily. He seemed really fucking happy and it was breaking her heart knowing that she made him feel that way.

_If he only knew._

“Cool, I can’t wait,” she forced herself to smile back at him.

“Yeah, apparently Marj is amazing! Jimmy, Jason and Millie went to see it last night and said she stole the show.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Right?” Kyle grinned. They began walking down the hallway to their first class and Kyle took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together.

Tweek felt like a fraud.

“So, I have a huge favour to ask,” Kyle began. He was still sounding too happy for Tweek’s liking. It was putting her on edge. She wished he was mad at her - she didn’t deserve his happiness.

“Yeah?” She forced the smile back on her face.

“My mom wants you to have dinner with us on Tuesday.”

_Oh god._

“Oh,” Tweek uttered.

“Yeah, she literally won’t take no for an answer so…” Kyle chuckled, stopping to face Tweek, as they had made it to his first class…Physics.

Tweek was about to reply when she saw Craig approaching from the opposite direction. Her heart stopped beating, as his eyes found hers and she quickly looked away, back to Kyle. She tried to act normal and carry on but she began to shake nervously.

“Are you sure you don’t want my jacket?” Kyle asked with concern, “Should you be at school? Do you still feel ill?”

“Um,” Tweek said, “No. Um. No, I’m fine,” she smiled the forced smile at him, ignoring the fact that she was two minutes away from having a heart attack.

“Okay. So Tuesday?” Kyle asked again and in her haste to get as far away as possible from the situation, Tweek found herself nodding frantically and saying ‘yes’ which gained a sickeningly cheesy grin from Kyle, “Awesome, so I’ll see you at lunch then?”

Tweek smiled and nodded again before releasing her hand from his and fleeing the scene, just as Craig reached the door for Physics.

 

* * *

 

Tweek managed to make it to lunch without further incident, although she couldn’t help but notice the dirty looks Esther Stoley was shooting her from across the lunch table. They did nothing to help Tweek’s paranoia, which was at an all time high, and she didn’t touch her sandwich because, quite frankly, who could eat at a time like this?

She could feel eyes on her and knew _he_ was looking at her. She couldn’t stop herself chancing a glance over to _his_ table and found the blue eyes boring into her.

_Fuck._

She quickly looked away.

How the fuck did people have affairs? This was absolute torture. She couldn’t possibly carry on.

“Jesus Tw-Tweek. You’ve lost weight!” Jimmy remarked as soon as he had sat down.

“Yeah, fucking hell, give me some of your germs, I could stand to lose a couple of pounds,” Millie joked, joining the table. Tweek smiled uneasily.

She had lost weight, she knew she had. It would have been impossible for her not to, as the last proper meal she had eaten had been Kyle’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich he had made for her last Saturday. Since then, she had been too nervous to keep anything down, bar a few bags of chips and cups of coffee.

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Kyle asked her softly, in that concerned voice that made her skin crawl.

He really needed to stop being so fucking nice to her.

“Honestly, I’m fine,” she said with that forced smile.

“Are you sure because you don’t look so good,” he insisted, placing a hand to her forehead to check her temperature.

Esther narrowed her eyes at Tweek, giving the blonde a look of disdain which Tweek looked quickly and nervously away from.

She felt herself starting to become suffocated and prayed to Christ she wouldn’t have a fucking panic attack in the middle of the cafeteria. Unfortunately, the tell tale signs started creeping in…she desperately needed some air.

“Actually, I think…I think… I’m just gonna go to the bathroom,” she stated, standing up abruptly.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Kyle really did look concerned, his hand was on her back, tracing circles into it. It would have been a soothing gesture at any other time but it just made her want to peel her skin off.

“No honestly, I’ll be back in two minutes,” she said, shimmying out of her seat and catching Esther’s eye one final time.

Tweek couldn’t help but think that she had seen a lot more than she thought she had seen.

She definitely knew.

 

Tweek burst into the girls’ bathroom, to the sink, shakily turning the tap on and cupping ice cold water in her hands. She threw it gingerly over her face a few times with the sensation causing her to take an involuntary gasp for air. She raised her head, taking a long hard look at herself in the filthy mirror.

Kyle was right. She looked like shit. She hadn’t worn any make up, and with the prominent bags under her eyes, it wasn’t like she could afford to skip on the concealer. She gripped the sides of the sink as tight as she could and tried to complete the breathing exercises Dr Fielding had taught her. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

If Esther had seen, it was only going to be a matter of time before she told Kyle.

Her breathing sped up again.

She was going to have to tell him.

 

She left the girls’ bathroom before Kyle had chance to send out a search party for her and was on her way back to the cafeteria when someone grabbed her arm and forced her into an empty classroom.

That someone was Craig Tucker.

After the initial shock had worn off, Tweek managed to say, “Craig, what the fuck!” Yanking her arm out of his grasp, which was an all too familiar feeling. Tweek had a horrible case of Déjà vu. But she would make sure there was be no locker-fucking this time.

“You’re avoiding me.” Craig stated impassively, although there was a slight edge to his voice.

“And you’re solution is to kidnap me?” Tweek spat.

“Tallulah, what do you expect? You won’t return my texts--”

“--What do you want from me?”

Craig laughed in disbelief and shook his head slightly, “What do I want from you?”

“If you’re looking for a repeat of last week—“

“--Are you serious? That’s all you think I want from you?”

“Isn’t it?”

Craig swallowed hard and Tweek knew he had no argument against hers. After all, he had used her in the past for that very reason.

“We didn’t…um…we didn’t use anything…”

Tweek rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry. I took care of it.”

Craig furrowed his brows with… surely it couldn’t be…shit it was. It was _disappointment_.

“Oh,” he said.

Jesus Christ. Was he actually upset that Tweek hadn’t even humoured the possibility of keeping his black hair and blue-eyed octuplets?

She frowned and looked down at the floor. She couldn’t think about that now.

“It was mistake.”

“Which part?”

Tweek raised her head to meet his gaze and said as harshly as she could, “All of it.”

Craig looked visibly hurt and Tweek felt a pang in her chest for him.

“So what? You’re just gonna pretend that _it_ didn’t happen?” Craig sneered.

Tweek nodded

“But it did happen, Tallulah. It _did_ happen”, he said, as if she could forget.

They stood staring at each other in silence. Craig looked broken, his face twisted in anguish.

“Does _he_ know?“

Tweek didn’t like how Craig had referred to Kyle. Like he was the bad guy or something.

“What the fuck do you think?”

Craig scoffed, “Are you gonna tell him?”

Tweek bit her lip and looked away, “I don’t know.”

“If it was me, I’d want to know,” Craig sneered threateningly.

“Then why don’t _you_ tell him, Craig!? Why don’t you go and fucking tell him!?” Tweek shouted, rage consuming her. What was this? Was he going to blackmail her or something? He had already ruined her life, he couldn’t possibly make it worse. The only person he’d be hurting would be Kyle.

“That’s not what I meant!” Craig shouted back.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I don’t know! I just thought after Saturday…” Craig paused and Tweek could tell how painful this was for him - to think of words to describe how he was feeling, “I thought it meant something…” he finished quietly, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

Tweek was silent for a while as she processed what he had said to her. It wasn’t like she hadn’t gone over everything in her head, agonising over Craig’s declaration of love for her and what that meant. But she wasn’t an idiot. She knew what Craig was like. Once something better came along, she would be kicked to the curb. Once he got to Michigan and had his pick out of the college girls, she would be yesterday’s news. She wasn’t going to put any of her eggs (fertilised or not), in that basket.

“I’m sorry for giving you the wrong impression,” she said as emotionlessly as possible, not forgetting that they were Craig’s exact words to her when she had thought he was her boyfriend.

Craig looked at her in defeat and Tweek could have sworn that if she had stuck around for longer, she would have seen Craig Tucker actually cry.

 

* * *

 

The auditorium was packed for the final performance of _Grease._ Tweek and Kyle had made sure to get there early and were rewarded with middle row, centre seats.

“Thanks for getting the tickets, how much do I owe you?” Tweek said, flicking through the made-on-paint programme. Surely there were people who knew how to use Photoshop in the school.

“One blowjob,” Kyle grinned mischievously and Tweek froze, flushing red with embarrassment, “I’m kidding! Nothing. You don’t owe me anything.”

Tweek smirked and smacked him on the arm with the programme, gaining a chuckle out of him.

“But, I wouldn’t say no,” he joked and Tweek rolled her eyes and turned her head away to look around the room, watching people file in. She saw Craig entering with Clyde, Stan and Token but as they had left it late, the best spot they could get was on the far right section of seats, parallel to the row Tweek and Kyle sat on. She slunk down in her seat and turned back to Kyle.

“It looks like it’s gonna be a full house!”

“Friday’s always the best night,” Kyle grinned happily, taking her hand in his and giving it a light squeeze.

Tweek cringed silently but squeezed it back all the same.

 

For a high school musical, it wasn’t half bad, and only made Tweek die a little inside at sporadic bits, most of which involved Bebe Stevens, who was desperately trying (and failing) to steal the show. She totally overegged, _‘Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee’,_ although the hostility between her and Marj was fantastic and Tweek knew she wasn’t acting that part. Nor was she acting the parts with Kenny, and Tweek and Kyle couldn’t help but shoot each other glances at their kissing scenes which were a bit too authentic for their liking.

Kenny was fantastically funny and cheeky…he was basically playing himself and Tweek couldn’t help think he would have made a better Danny. Not that, Brian was bad or anything but Kenny just had the natural charm that was wasted on Kenickie. During ‘ _Greased Lightning’_ , she couldn’t stop watching Kenny – he was hysterical and didn’t mind making a complete fool out of himself at all. There was a part were he was supposed to slide over the bonnet of the car and he absolutely biffed it, falling on his arse, before he jumped to his feet and pretended that it hadn’t happened. The audience was in stitches.

However, the real star of the show was Marj, and Tweek wasn’t just saying that because the blonde was her best friend. She was flawless. She played the part perfectly and Tweek couldn’t have been more proud of her. She knew every line of the script, hit every note in the songs and didn’t miss a fucking beat in the dancing. When the music spectacularly cut out in _‘You’re the One That I Want’_ , Marj led the entire cast in an acapella version, as way too many crew members scrambled to help Mrs Anderson fix the electronics. She got the audience on their feet, clapping and dancing along and Tweek was grinning from ear to ear, briefly forgetting all her troubles. That was until she caught Craig’s eye, as the audience screamed, “You’re the one that I want!” for what seemed like the 50th time. She stopped dancing and the smile faded from her face, as she stared back at him.

“The one I neeeeeeeeed! Oh Yes indeeeeed!!”Kyle sang in her ear, grabbing her hand and swinging it. She snapped her head back to him and forced the smile back onto her face.

The irony was not lost on her.

 

“You were incredible!” Tweek all but screamed in Marj’s face as she emerged from the dressing room, still wearing the leather pants, “And you look FIT!”

Marj grimaced, “I can’t get the fuckers off.”

Tweek and Kyle burst out laughing at her honesty. It was typical Marj.

“Thank you for the flowers but you didn’t have to buy the whole florist,” Marj smiled at Tweek, giving her a light hug.

“Were they okay?” Tweek asked self consciously. She hadn’t been able to visit the florist herself and had to order over the phone, using her mom’s advice. She had never ordered flowers before and didn’t know how much they cost or what constituted as a good flower. So she asked for a $150 bunch of red roses, thinking that would do the trick.

“I’ve never seen so many roses in my fricking life!” Marj joked, “Kenny thought I was having an affair!”

Kyle laughed and Tweek stiffened at her words, her face falling ever so slightly. She recovered quickly and produced a fake laugh somewhere deep from her gut.

“An affair! Hahahaha!”

Marj pulled a puzzled look at Tweek, “Are you feeling okay?”

“No, she isn’t! I told her she shouldn’t have come to school but she wanted to see you,” Kyle explained with a sigh, like Tweek was his unruly wife who had disobeyed him, despite him knowing what was best for her.

Marj smiled gratefully at Tweek, “Well get yourself to bed. You look like shit.”

Tweek’s smile once again slid off her face. Did she really look that fucking bad?

“Cheers, Marj.”

 

* * *

 

“So, Tallulah, What are your plans after school?” Sheila Broflovski asked over dinner.

Tuesday had come around very quickly for Tweek who only remembered what she had agreed to when Kyle had asked her at lunch if they were ‘still on for tonight’. When she looked at him blankly, he reminded her about dinner and she went into complete meltdown, racing home from school and pulling out half of her closet, keen not to repeat people equal shit.

Tweek felt marginally better about the whole Kyle situation, as nothing had been said. Esther still shot her dirty looks and Craig still looked at her longingly, but Kyle was none the wiser that Craig had fucked the shit out of her against his locker. There was a brief moment when Tallulah could have sworn there was a questionable white stain on the door of said locker but she shook the worry away, as Kyle would never fucking notice and even if he did – so what? It wasn’t like he had a fucking DNA kit.

Her guilt was still a prominent feature in her life that Tweek was learning to live with. She still found it hard accepting Kyle’s generosity and kindness, as she really didn’t deserve it. But then again…people made mistakes…

People made fucking mistakes, okay?!

Despite Tweek agonising over her outfit choice, choosing a simple and elegant knee-length Chanel dress with tights and modest heels, she had still fucked it royally with the Broflovskis, when she had failed to mention to Kyle’s mother that she was a vegetarian.

The expensive brisket was eyeballing her from the centre of the table, mocking her with the pink sheen of the poor baby cow’s carcass it had been harvested from. Tweek had reluctantly turned a significantly large piece down, apologising for her awkward eating habits and feeling horrendous when Kyle’s mother all but had a meltdown over the situation. She tried to reassure her that she was fine with just the potatoes and vegetables but Sheila had insisted on concocting her some lentil creation, that had set the meal back by another hour. An hour of which she had to endure being sat in between Kyle and Ike on the sofa watching _The Price is Right_ , whilst Kyle’s father sat on the armchair nearby. To say it was awkward would be a fucking understatement.

“Um, I don’t. I don’t really have any,” she said timidly, cutting the homemade lentil burger with her knife and fork. She’d also neglected to tell Sheila that she hated lentils…

“Oh, really?” Sheila asked accusatory, shooting a ‘I told you so’ look to her husband that did not go unnoticed by Tweek.

“Um, well. My dad wants me to go to college and major in business, as I’ll um, I’ll be taking over the family business one day.”

The clue’s in the name, bitch.

“And what’s stopping you?”

“Nothing actually,” Tweek shrugged, as she didn’t have a good enough argument as to why she didn’t want to do what her dad was asking. After all, people would kill to be in her shoes. She was being handed a multi-million dollar business on a silver platter, and she was considering fucking it off altogether to play wrestling for a while.

“Well, it’s not too late to apply to college. You still have time,” Sheila said, taking a bite out of the cruel brisket.

Tweek nodded and choked down a mouthful of the burger. It would be a Christmas miracle if she could finish her meal.

“So, Kyle tells me you two are going to stay together when he goes off to college?”

Tweek glanced at Kyle who flushed red. They hadn’t discussed college at all. Or their future. Fuck - it really would be a Christmas miracle if they could get through the end of the meal as a couple, let alone college. Not after what she had done anyway.

“Oh um…yeah,” she said unsurely.

“Well, he won’t have a lot of spare time. After all, he’s going to Harvard,” Sheila said snottily, like Tweek wouldn’t even be allowed anywhere near the place. She got the feeling that Sheila wasn’t very fond of her which was unfair. She was being judged on a fucking t-shirt she had worn once. Did Sheila not see the effort she had gone to, to impress her? She was wearing Chanel for fuck’s sake.

“Ma…” Kyle warned, his eyes narrowing at the woman.

“I’m just saying bubbleh, college is no walk in the park. You’ll have assignments, tests and reading to do. You’ll barely have time to sleep and shower, let alone fly to Denver.”

“Sheila, honey, let’s not talk about this now,” Gerald said gently, shooting Tweek a kind smile.

They continued to eat in silence, with Tweek choking down her lentil burger. After four more bites and about a gazillion sips of water, she used the excuse of being too full to continue.

 

“Thank you for dinner, Mrs Broflovski, it was fantastic,” she lied with her trademark forced smile on her face, “Would you like some help clearing the table?”

“Well, thank you, Tallulah. That would be lovely,” Sheila smiled, shooing the boys away and ignoring Kyle’s nervous expression, “Kyle, wait in the living room, she won’t be long.”

Tweek followed her into the kitchen and began helping her load the dishwasher. For some reason, she knew Kyle’s mom had wanted to get her on her own.

“So, Tallulah,” Sheila began in a tone that Tweek knew wasn’t a good sign, “I hear you and Kyle have begun experimenting sexually.”

Of all the things the woman could have said to her, she hadn’t expected that.

Tweek was so shocked at what came out of her mouth that she dropped the plate she was holding. It smashed into a thousand pieces on the floor.

“Oh-my-god-I’m-so-sorry!” She stammered, falling to her knees and gathering up the pieces of broken ceramic, “Aghhhh fu-woops,” she hissed, almost swearing at the pain shooting through her hand, as she snagged her palm on a particularly sharp piece.

“Oh my goodness, Tallulah, are you okay?” Sheila shouted in concern, as Tweek’s hand started pouring with blood.

_Fantastic._

“Um, yeah, it’s fine,” Tweek winced, clutching her hand and not knowing what to do. She was too socially awkward to walk over to the sink and help herself to paper towels and what not. Instead, she tried to cup the hand against her, so that it dripped onto the Chanel dress instead of the pristine tiles.

“Honestly, it’s nothing,” she said, trying to pass it off as a mere scratch, like that guy in _Romeo_ _and Juliet_ who fucking dies from the stab wound. That’s what Tweek would do. That’s how far she would go to avoid causing a fuss. She would quite happily just stand there until she bled out and even then her dying words would be, “I’m sorry for making a mess of your kitchen.”

“Oh my god! Gerald! Gerald! Get the first aid kit!”

Kyle and Ike came rushing into the kitchen.

“What’s happened?” Kyle asked, striding over to Tweek and looking at her hand, “Oh god! What have you done?”

Before Tweek even had a chance to answer, Sheila piped up.

“We were just talking about you two experimenting sexually and Tallulah dropped a dish,” Sheila delivered matter-of-factly, not realising that it was totally over sharing and that the ‘Tallulah dropped a dish’ part would have fucking sufficed.

Tweek wanted to die. Her face flushed the same colour as the blood still spurting from her hand.

“Jesus, Ma!” Kyle screamed in mortification.

Ike grinned wickedly.

“What? That’s what happened! Isn’t it Tallulah?”

At that moment, Gerald flew into the kitchen clutching a green plastic box, and before Tweek knew what was happening, Sheila and Gerald had her hand under the cold tap, both clutching a different part of her arm, like she was a toddler, who couldn’t possibly hold it there herself.

The fuss really wasn’t necessary.

They spent an age bandaging her hand, after making sure there was no shards in her wound, which was quite deep actually and probably did require medical attention. When they had finally finished, Tweek knew she’d be able to get away with leaving.

“Oh gee, is that the time?” She said innocently, looking at the kitchen clock which displayed nine thirty on.

“Oh my goodness! It’s late!” Sheila exclaimed, “Tallulah, you really should get going, after all, it is a school night.”

 _I thought you’d never fucking ask._ She thought.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Tweek smiled kindly, “Thank you again for dinner and for having me. I’m sorry about the um, the mess.”

“Don’t be silly, Tallulah, it’s fine,” Sheila smiled at her. Actually smiled. Maybe she had won her over. If all it took was Tweek hurting herself, she would have happily stabbed herself in the eye with a fork at the dinner table.

“Kyle, walk Tallulah to her car, won’t you?” Sheila said, and even Kyle was taken aback with her sudden change of heart.

“Yeah, of course,” he smiled, placing his hand on her shoulders and leading her out.

“Bye Ike,” Tweek smiled at the young boy who was sat on the sofa watching her leave. He flushed bright red and mumbled ‘bye’. She wondered if Kyle ever did tell him that she knew about the card.

“I am so sorry,” Kyle said as soon as they were safely outside.

Tweek giggled, “Well, that was a night to remember.”

“Do you ever think that you’re like, being filmed or something for like, other people’s amusement?”

“All the fucking time!”

“Honestly, I didn’t think she could get more embarrassing – do you know, she wanted to call your mom and tell her we had sex?”

“What?!”

“Yeah, she overheard me and Stan talking and they sat me down and told me that they were going to have to call your parents to let them know we were ‘sexually active’.”

“What did you say to Stan?” Tweek smirked evilly, watching Kyle become flustered.”

“Oh…um, nothing he just, he just asked, if um, if…”

“Kyle I’m fucking with you.”

Kyle grinned and shoved her playfully, “Fuck you.”

“Hey! Watch the hand,” she warned, raising her overly bandaged appendage and dangling it in his face. She looked like a shit mummy.

Tweek pressed the unlock button on her car keys, watching the Mini spring to life. She was about to get in when Kyle stopped her, pushing her against it. He captured her lips with his and began kissing her hungrily. His hands which had travelled to her hips, tugged her forwards, pressing her groin into his.

Unfortunately, Tweek didn’t get that same funny feeling she got whenever it had happened to her before and the image of Craig fucking her against the locker flashed vividly in her mind again.

Tweek pulled away from the kiss, “Kyle…” she breathed, as he started working on her neck, kissing, biting and sucking at the sensitive skin.

“Kyle,” she said, louder than before, but he continued, capturing her lips again and forcing his tongue down his throat.

Tweek tried to respond as best she could, kissing him back, trying to block out her thoughts.

_BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!_

She pulled away again, “Kyle….not here…your mom…” she said as kindly as possible, pushing him away gently.

Kyle sighed and straightened himself up, “Sorry, I just…um…it’s…it’s been a while.”

“I know,” she smiled shyly.

She hadn’t let him do much more then peck her on the lips since she had returned to school. She couldn’t bring herself to be intimate with him in _that_ way because of… because of what had happened. When he asked her if they could hang out at the weekend, she had made shit excuses, telling him she had to help out at one of her parents coffee stores in Denver, which was laughable, as she had never worked a day in her life. The reality was, she parked her car in the garage and spent the weekend watching several series of Rupaul’s Drag Race.

It had been fucking bliss.

“When can we…like no pressure or anything, it’s just…” Kyle began but trailed off sheepishly.

“Soon,” she smiled at him, “As long as your mom doesn’t try and have a conversation with me about it.”

Kyle looked at her with fake annoyance and Tweek giggled.

“I can’t promise that.”

 

* * *

 

There was something different about walking into school that Tweek couldn’t put her finger on. It was the middle of April and Prom was fast approaching. Every day, you would be able to hear squeals of delight as one girl or another was given a lavish prom proposal.

Marj had already been given hers and it was currently winning in terms of originality and balls. Kenny had told her to meet him at Stark’s Pond at 8am on a Saturday morning which she had done, no questions asked, to find the blonde, absolutely stark bollock naked (bar a pair of sneakers), with a cardboard heart covering his junk and a rose in his mouth. He had spelled out the word, ‘Prom?’ in rose petals which she hadn’t noticed and accidentally ruined, as she rushed to him to ask him what the hell he was playing at lying in snow in the middle of April. With his teeth chattering and his lips turning blue, Kenny had let out a shaky, ‘Will you go to prom with me,’ and Marj felt like the biggest dickhead on the planet. She had quickly agreed, throwing her jacket (which was his jacket) off her and onto him and helped him back to Craig’s car, as he was too cold to function. Craig had the heating on full blast and apparently didn’t even flinch as Kenny, along with his bare junk, collapsed across his back seat, even though, his cock and balls scraped across the leather seats, as Marj so eloquently put it.

Tweek wasn’t expecting a Prom proposal. In fact, she hadn’t even thought about Prom at all… which is why she absolutely shit her pants when she opened her and Kyle’s shared locker and a shit ton of confetti flew out of it.

“FUCK ME!” She screamed at the top of her voice, as she was showered in a mess of black and gold bits of shit.

Students in the vicinity started laughing at her, as she stood there waiting for the confetti to settle. However, the surprise wasn’t over and once Tweek thought it was safe to reopen the locker, which she did hesitantly, peeling the door back slowly, she was met with six cupcakes, four of which spelled out prom and the other two just had golden stars on.

Fuck.

What if it was for Kyle?

She panicked. No one apart from her closest friends knew that they shared a locker.

It was definitely for Kyle.

Fuck.

Shestarted trying to gather the confetti that had pooled on the floor at her feet.

“Um, Tweek?”

Tweek looked up to find Kyle looking down at her. She quickly jumped to her feet with fistfuls of confetti and threw it at him, as that was the only thing she could think to do in the situation.

“SURPRISE!” She shouted manically.

Kyle didn’t flinch as the confetti biffed him in the face and got stuck in his hair.

“Um…what are you doing?” He said and Tweek could tell he was holding back a smirk.

“I’m sorry, I opened the locker and….um…You’ve um, there’s a prom proposal…”

This time Kyle did smirk at her, “I know…it’s for you.”

Tweek flushed with embarrassment, “What?”

“I…um… it’s from me,” he said, still grinning at her reaction.

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

“Oh…right then.”

“Is that a yes?” Kyle asked, picking out a piece of confetti from his hair that was hanging in front of his eyes.

“Um…yes. Yes it is,” Tweek said sheepishly. Why did she fucking ruin everything?

“Awesome,” Kyle continued to grin at her, “Wait…were you actually going to try and put the confetti back in the locker?”

Tweek sighed and looked down at the pile of confetti that she had manage to gather up.

“Yes. Yes I was.”

 

* * *

 

“Has Kenny recovered from his proposal?” Laura Tucker giggled at the memory of Kenny’s anecdote which he had told at dinner two night’s previously. He had ended it by saying it was a miracle he still had a penis and Laura had allowed such talk at the dinner table because it was fucking funny.

“Just about,” Craig smiled, remembering Kenny wrapped in a blanket like E fucking T, nursing a cup of hot coco.

It was just the four of them having dinner for a change - Kenny was over at Marj’s and Karen rarely came without her big brother. It was weird. It was hardly ever just the Tuckers…it didn’t feel quite right.

“Have you asked Tallulah, yet?” His mother asked him nonchalantly, like she wasn’t desperate to hear how he had done it.

Craig stiffened at the question, “No…I haven’t,” he forced out, trying his best not to give away any emotion.

“Well you’re too late. She’s going with Kyle Broflovski,” Tricia piped up, licking her ice-cream drenched spoon.

Craig didn’t react, just stared at his untouched dessert.

“Oh. Is she?” Laura Tucker asked, her eyes flitting from Tricia to Craig gauging her son’s reaction at the revelation.

“Well yeah, she is _his girlfriend_ ,” Tricia answered, as if her mom was stupid for not knowing such a thing… Like ‘well, duh!’

“Oh!” Laura sounded in surprise. She assumed she and Craig were still ‘a thing’.

“Yeah, they’ve had sex and everything.”

“TRICIA!” Thomas shouted, making the whole table jump.

“Well they have! Ike told me that his parents had to have a talk with him about being underage and they were going to call Tallulah’s parents to tell them too!” Tricia protested.

Thomas and Laura looked at each other before their eyes drifted to their son who was still concentrating on his bowl of ice cream.

“And then Tallulah went round for dinner and Mrs Broflovski spoke to her about ‘experimenting sexually’ with Kyle, and then Tallulah dropped a dish and cut her hand really badly and Ike said that she nearly died in their kitchen!”

Craig cringed remembering the bandage Tallulah had on her hand. Ike often exaggerated his stories but Craig knew that apart from her dying, it was all true.

“Tricia, that’s enough,” Laura said sternly before going back to her own dessert.

Tricia went to protest but stopped herself, deciding it was better to remain quiet.

“Well son, I bet you’ve had your fair share of proposals?” Thomas asked his son, who he knew was being uncharacteristically quiet. Hell, Craig was always quiet, but this was a different kind of quiet.

“Um…yeah. But no one…no one I want to go with,” Craig shrugged.

He hadn’t just received a fair share of proposals; he had been fucking inundated with them. He couldn’t move without being cornered by a girl asking to be the lucky one that got to go to prom with him. But he didn’t want to go with any of them and had been stupidly holding out for Tallulah who he now knew, was going with Kyle.

Fucking Kyle.

“Well, you could always just tag along with Kenny and Marj?” Laura suggested, thinking she was being helpful.

She wasn’t.

“No. I’ll…I’ll have a date mom, don’t worry,” Craig shot a small smile at her.

“How are you going to do it? Because Kyle made Tallulah cupcakes and hid exploding confetti in her locker and—“

“TRICIA!” Laura shouted a little too late.

“What? I’m being helpful. I’m giving him ideas!” Tricia protested.

Craig snorted, “Cupcakes are lame.”

“No they’re not! They’re cute and thoughtful and he made them himself!”

“Do you have a crush on him or something?” Craig sneered at his sister.

“NO!” Tricia protested, flushing red in the process.

“Well, you talk about him _a lot…”_

“No, I don’t!”

“ _Sure_ you don’t,” Craig winked sarcastically at her.

“MOM!” Tricia whined, having lost the argument and therefore resorting to her only other option.

His mom sighed, “Craig. Be nice to your sister.”

“What? I’m just saying that we can’t seem to have one dinner where Tricia doesn’t mention Kyle Broflovski.”

Tricia burst into immediate angry and flustered tear, shouting, “Asshole!” at Craig before she fled the table to her room.

The rest of the table sat in silence, waiting for the usual bang of Tricia’s door to sound which it did, mere moments later.

Craig turned to his mom and as innocently as he could, asked, “Was it something I said?”

  

* * *

 

 

Tweek was in a good mood for the first time in weeks, as she made her way to the cafeteria for lunch. Since _Grease_ had ended, Marj was back sitting with them and Tweek didn’t know how she had coped without her.

She was looking forward to resume their prom plans which they had started making the day after Kyle had asked her to go with him. They had decided that they would all go together in a limo as there was exactly ten of them. Jimmy and Kevin had dates, Millie was meeting up with Red at the venue and Jason was flying solo for the night but had promised that he would attend. Esther hadn’t confirmed either way what she was doing but Marj figured they’d be able to squeeze her and a date in, if needed – after all, it was a stretch limo, there’d be plenty of room. Kenny had told Marj that he was cool with whatever, as it was her night and he was a mere pawn in her game. So he didn’t begrudge missing out on Token’s lavish stretch Hummer complete with hot tub…who the fuck was going to get in that on the way to prom anyway? Like none of the girls would. Everyone was spending hundreds of dollars just on hair and make up. None of them would risk ruining their look for a novelty thrill. Actually scrap that… Bebe and Clyde would definitely risk it, to fuck in it just to say that they had.

Tweek had said it would be fine if Marj wanted to go with the popular people instead, but Marj had told her that she would rather die and Tweek had grinned like a lunatic, becoming too excited about the prospect of being a fucking normal teenager for once in her life and feeling her fucking prom oats.

It was at this memory, which was causing Tweek to grin like a mentalist as she walked down the hallway. She didn’t even notice that Craig Tucker was walking very close behind her, until he unexpectedly grabbed her and pulled her into an empty classroom.

Okay. Now she _was_ having déjà vu.

“You’re going to fucking Prom with him?!” Craig didn’t bother with the niceties and just launched straight into what he wanted to say.

Tweek didn’t answer straight away, instead she looked away from him, around the room, nervously. Not again. She couldn’t do this again.

In the end, she simply nodded.

Craig shook his head at her, “Are you fucking serious?!”

“Why wouldn’t I be going with him…I’m his fucking girlfriend.”

“Yeah, his girlfriend that fucked me three weeks ago.”

Tweek inhaled sharply, not quite believing Craig had said the words out loud.

“Why do you keep reminding me about it?”

“Because it fucking happened Tallulah and you’re pretending that it didn’t….that you didn’t say what you said to me.”

Tweek scowled at him, “You said it first!”

Craig looked away awkwardly and Tweek could tell he was hating every moment of this. Being open and vulnerable. Having to actually talk about his feelings.

“I know I did…and I meant it.”

Tweek’s heart started pounding furiously against her chest.

She had done well to block out her feelings for Craig, pretending that the words they had spoken were just said in the heat of the moment. She hadn’t let herself think of what they could actually mean…because the thought terrified her more than anything. More than Kyle finding out what she had done did.

“Craig, you’re lying to yourself if you think we could have ever worked.”

Craig snapped his head up to look at her, “What do you mean?”

“What do you think will happen? Do you think we get a happy ending? Do you think we skip off into the sunset?”

“I…um…what?”

“You’re going to college, you’re going to meet people…girls… lots of them and you’ll forget about me…and that’s okay. Because no one stays with who they were with in high school. So if you’re sad that we’re not going to be together for the month we have left, I’m sorry. I am. But that’s life,” Tweek ended her ‘I have a dream’ speech with a shrug of her shoulders.

She waited a while for Craig to say something but he didn’t, so she decided to leave.

As she reached the door, Craig finally found his voice.

“I won’t.”

Tweek stopped, her hand on the door handle, turning back to face him.

“You won’t what?” She asked, puzzled at his words.

Craig looked her dead in the eye and Tweek took a deep breath.

He really was fucking beautiful.

“Forget you.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Can I talk to you?”

Tweek was heading to her car when Esther Stoley approached her. Tweek’s heart sunk deep in her chest as she realised she was about to have the conversation she had been dreading for weeks.

She nodded at the ebony haired girl and stopped to hear what she had to say. Unfortunately, she couldn’t stop herself from shaking badly with nerves.

“Look, I’ll make this quick and just so you know, I wouldn’t have said anything, had you not accepted his prom invitation so…”

“What have you said?!” Tweek spluttered in panic.

Fuck. Had she told him?

“I haven’t told him anything, relax,” Esther rolled her eyes and Tweek realised that the girl had never actually warmed to her. She was an acquaintance at best and no matter how hard Tweek had tried to get to know her, she always seemed disinterested.

“I just think you are the most selfish person I have ever met in my life.”

Tweek was floored by that. Sure she was spoilt….but selfish….really?

“You act like you’re this sweet and innocent, fragile girl who needs protecting, yet you’re so fucking heartless to the person who has been nothing but kind to you…who is clearly in love with you and I have no idea why. Kyle would fucking walk to the ends of the earth for you and what do you do to repay him? You fuck Craig Tucker on his locker that he offered to share with you.”

Shit…so she had seen. Tweek looked down at her shoes in shame. She had never heard Esther swear before and within two minutes of conversation with her, the girl had dropped the F-bomb an excessive amount of times…because of Tweek. Because she deserved it. Because she was a heartless, selfish bitch.

“I honestly gave you the benefit of the doubt. I thought you would confess… I waited for you to do it. Weeks, even. But you didn’t. And you had the fucking nerve to accept his prom proposal?!” Esther seethed and Tweek wanted to cry but didn’t because she didn’t want Esther to think she was playing the victim.

“So, here’s what’s gonna happen. Either you tell him. Or I will.”

Tweek looked up pleadingly at Esther who was staring at her with hatred.

“Oh and...just so you know. I have proof. So don’t think you can bat your fucking eyelashes and get yourself out of this one.”

Shit…there was a video too.

Tweek swallowed harshly. Her mouth was completely dry.

“I’ll tell him,” she all but whispered.

“Tonight. You tell him tonight or I tell him tomorrow.” Esther threatened and Tweek knew she was being serious.

Tweek nodded, “I’ll…I’ll tell him.”

Esther nodded curtly and strolled away, as though she hadn’t just assassinated Tweek with her tongue.

_‘Tonight. You tell him tonight or I tell him tomorrow.’_

Tweek shuddered and put her head in her hands.

“Hey!”

The sound of Kyle’s voice broke the atmosphere and she tore her hands away from her face to look at him, like she had just seen a ghost.

“Shit…are you okay?” Kyle asked in that concerned tone of his.

“Yeah…Yeah…um…I’m fine… hey…. Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“Oh fuck. This is about what my mom said, isn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“About college?”

“Oh….um…no….it’s about Prom,” Tweek lied, shooting a small smile at him. If she was going to tell him, it would be in the comfort of his own home, she owed him that much at least.

“Yeah. Wanna come to mine and hang?” Kyle smiled at her.

“Yeah. Sure.”

 

* * *

  
They were holed up in Kyle’s room with the door open (a stipulation by Sheila) and Tweek hadn’t managed to find the courage to come out and tell him what she had done. Instead, they had done their homework together as usual, with Kyle chipping in comments about what tux he was going to choose and if he should match his tie to her dress….and what dress was she thinking of wearing anyway? Tweek did her best to answer the questions as normal as possible, throwing in a laugh here and there and teasing him about the style he had chosen.

What the fuck was she doing…this wasn’t right…

_‘Tonight. You tell him tonight or I tell him tomorrow.’_

"So, I know you don't like thinking about college but um, like, well, we have to start thinking about it, right? Because it's going to happen and like, I just want you to know that I want us to stay together."

“Oh.” Was all Tweek said.

Kyle carried on with gusto, “Yeah, it’ll be hard and, yeah. It will suck but like we can Facetime and text—“

Tweek listened to Kyle’s passion for keeping their relationship alive and felt hollow.

"--And you know, I can come and visit you and you can come and visit me, we'll make it work."

The image of Craig fucking her against Kyle's locker flashed through her mind again and she scrunched her eyes shut, as if she could make it go away. But she couldn't. Because it was there. It had happened, and no amount of wishing that it hadn't would change that.

"Please stop being nice to me," she begged desperately. 

"What?"

"You have to stop being nice to me. I can't..," Tweek bit her lip and shook her head, she was breathing in heavy shallow breaths, "I don't deserve you."

"Tweek? What are you talking about? You're my girlfriend, of course, I'm going to be nice to you!" Kyle laughed like she'd lost the plot, "You're like the most amazing person I've ever met."

Tweek cringed and looked away, "No, I'm not" she mumbled, feeling herself starting to shake.

"What? What's the matter?" 

Kyle's overtly concerned voice made her guilt flare (if that was possible) and it cascaded over her entire body. Her chest had become tight and she was fighting for every breath she took. Her heart pounded furiously against her chest.

She felt like the worst person in the world.

She was the worst person in the world.

"Look - it's gonna be fine. I know it seems like a long way but, I know we can do it and--"

Tweek couldn’t listen to it anymore, she couldn’t bear to hear Kyle ‘s thoughtful plans involving the two of them skipping off into the sunset to live happily ever after, not when she had done what she had done.

She had to tell him.

He deserved to know.

She cut him off, mid rant about how they would make their relationship ‘work’. How fucking ironic.

"—Kyle, I slept with Craig.”

Kyle stopped dead and stared at her, the words not properly registering with him. He let out a surprised laugh but there was no humour to be had in it, it was more like a surprise, a defense mechanism to protect himself from the hand that was about to rip his heart right out of his chest.

“What?”

Tweek was shaking violently. Her mouth was completely dry, as she swallowed hard, pressing her fingers into her eyes and repeating her confession, “I slept with Craig,” she uttered, her voice breaking at the end.

Kyle said nothing, just stared at her and through her tears she saw the light fading from his usual bright green eyes.

“Kyle, I’m so sorry, it was a mistake and it will never happen again and—“

“When!?” He barked harshly and Tweek jumped at the anger his voice carried.

“Um, three weeks ago, after the…um…the detention.” Her voice was small and laced with shame, she couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye. She didn’t deserve to.

“Where?” He barked, just as harshly as his first question.

“At school.”

 _On your locker,_ the devil on her shoulder hissed in her ear. She wouldn’t tell Kyle that. He didn’t need to know that part.

Kyle nodded slowly, his tongue was pushing against his teeth as if it could stop him from breaking down. His eyes were glassy with tears and he wrinkled his nose when he spoke next, in an effort to keep control of his muscles which were screaming at him to succumb to his sadness.

“Why?” he choked out and Tweek snapped her head up to look at him…but she really wished she hadn’t.

He was trying hard not to cry but the corners of his eyes were glistening, giving away his devastation. She had never wanted to hold someone more.

“It just happened, He followed me and wouldn’t leave me alone, and he got in my head, and--“

“—and you thought fucking him would make him go away,” Kyle spat, tears escaping the overflowing corners of his eyes. He wiped them furiously with the sleeve of his sweater.

“Kyle, it was a mistake,” she cried, her own tears spilling down her cheeks, “Please, Kyle. Please believe me! He means nothing to me.”

~~Lies.~~

“Kyle, please,” Tweek sobbed, placing her hand on his knee, “Please.”

“Get out.”

“Kyle—“

“I SAID GET OUT!” He screamed suddenly and Tweek recoiled in fear, scrambling to her feet and grabbing her bag.

“GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!” Kyle screamed, finally giving into his grief, his voice breaking in anguish, the tears he had so desperately tried to hold back cascading down his cheeks,.

Tweek fled Kyle’s room and practically ran from his house, colliding with Kyle’s mother on the stairs.

“Tallulah what’s hap—“ she stopped talking upon seeing Tweek’s tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes, “Tallulah are you okay? What’s going on?”

Tweek looked down, she couldn’t bring herself to meet his mother’s eyes. The woman had hated her from the start and with good fucking reason.

“I’m so sorry,” Tweek squeaked out, shaking her head and wiping her eyes. She hurried away before Sheila had the chance to respond to her, down the stairs and out of the front door.

She dropped her keys three times before managing to unlock the car, her hands were still shaking – she was still shaking.  It wasn’t a smart idea to drive in this state, but Tweek had no choice. Her engine roared to life and she sped away from the scene of the crime.

She couldn’t get the image of Kyle out of her head. Nor the sound of his sobs.

Those horrible devastating, grief-wrenched sobs echoed in her ears.

She couldn’t bear the sound.

The sound of Kyle’s heart being broken. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask me shit on Tumblr...I really like it :)
> 
> Guestswithoutbags


	20. The Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a beast.

 

The next day, Tweek felt physically sick as she pulled into the school parking lot. She had wanted to stay at home, to fake an illness, to hide away, but she knew that wouldn't solve anything. She had to face the consequences of her actions - they would catch up to her sooner or later.

She had forced herself to get up ridiculously early, so that she could beat Kyle to their shared locker, which still contained her much-needed textbooks. She was going to clear it out and just handle being locker-less for the last month of school. That was way better than the alternative – aka going back to her old locker and having to endure being stared at by Craig.

The school was practically deserted as she made her way through the halls. She spotted Mr Hammond walking to his office, coffee cup in hand but she was in no mood to start a conversation about spandex-clad athletes with him. She really couldn’t be fucked having to feign politeness. The next person to talk to her would be subjected to a resting bitch face until they got the hint to kindly fuck off.

She hastily entered the combination to Kyle’s locker, yanking the door open and scrambling for her books, not letting her eyes linger on the Polaroid pictures taped to the inside door. The images of the two of them smiling at the camera were mocking her, as they were just another reminder of what she had done. She couldn’t bear to see the smiling face of Kyle Broflovski, knowing that she would never be the reason he would smile again.

Tweek threw her books into her backpack and shut the door as quietly as she could, as though making any noise would make Kyle appear out of thin fucking air. She quickly scuttled to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee and calm her nerves. There was still another 40 minutes before school started, so at least she’d be able to enjoy her last few minutes of normality before the shit hit the fan...again.

Kyle had probably already told people what had happened. They probably already knew what a horrible person she was.

Tweek’s mouth was completely dry at the thought of other people finding out about what she had done. Even the cheap coffee she was throwing down her throat, did nothing to quench her insatiable thirst.

After her third cup, Tweek decided to head for her first class, stopping en-route for the bathroom and taking the scenic route, avoiding Kyle’s locker at all costs.

So far so good. She had managed to make it to art without seeing…well… anyone…actually. Now that she thought about it…where was everybody? Had a snow day been declared or something? Had she mistakenly come into school on a Saturday? Tweek took out her phone. Nope. It was definitely Friday.

So where the fuck was everyone?

 

* * *

 

Craig had barely stepped out of his car when his vision was blurred by a mound of red curls and he was shoved harshly into the side of it by a furious looking Kyle Broflovski.

“YOU JUST COULDN’T FUCKING STAND IT, COULD YOU!?” The redhead screamed at him, pushing him as hard as he could.

Kenny, who had just excited the passenger side of the Mustang, ran to Craig’s defence.

“Kyle!? What the fuck man—“

“YOU JUST COULDN’T FUCKING STAND TO SEE HER HAPPY!” Kyle raged on, shoving Craig back into the side of the car again.

Craig didn’t react to being pushed, didn’t use his fists as he usually would whenever a conflict arose. He just took it, like he deserved it, and stared uncomfortably at the ground. Fuck. He knew.

 “Kyle, dude, what’s going on?—“

Stan Marsh suddenly appeared behind Kyle, as though he had answered a beacon to come to his friend’s distress call.

“I FUCKING HATE YOU!” Kyle screamed, launching his fist into Craig’s face, punching him as hard as he could.

Kenny’s mouth comically fell open in disbelief; he didn’t know what was more shocking, the fact that Kyle Broflovski had just punched Craig Tucker in the face or the fact that Craig Tucker did absolutely nothing other than wince in pain.

Craig Tucker did nothing.

The small crowd that had gathered to watch the conflict was rapidly growing in size. Phones were being whipped out left, right and fucking centre, filming the most interesting thing to happen at South Park High, since the introduction of fidget spinners.

“KYLE!” Stan screamed in horror - his concern for his friend’s wellbeing peaked - he was surely about to die at the hands of Craig. Stan had seen South Park High’s number one flip for a lot less, and taking a punch to the face would surely ignite the boy’s infamous rage. It was the equivalent of poking a great white shark in the eye….you just didn’t do it. Kyle was definitely about to die, or at least at the very least, Craig might show mercy and put him in a coma.

Stan had to get him out of there.

“Kyle, come on, dude,” Stan said hurriedly, trying to pull Kyle out of harm’s way but the redhead shoved him away viciously.

“Get the fuck off me, Stan!” Kyle spat harshly, turning back to face Craig, “You don’t know what he’s done.”

“Dude, whatever the fuck it is, just forget about it, it’s not worth it--”

“HE FUCKED TWEEK!” Kyle screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice riddled with anguish.

There was a series of gasps and hushed whispers echoing through the crowd at Kyle’s words.

‘ _What’s a Tweek?’_ Stan heard someone ask.

 _‘Isn’t she the one who fucked Kenny too?’_ Another person voiced.

Stan scowled in confusion his eyes flitting between Craig and Kyle, “What?!”

“He  _fucked_ her, Stan…. Three week’s ago.” Kyle’s voice broke in emotion and Stan immediately recognised the sound of heartbreak. Kyle was heartbroken.

Kenny’s eyes widened at the news and he looked to Craig who was still staring at the ground, seemingly confirming his guilt.

Stan raised his eyebrows in shock. He didn’t know how to respond, he looked desperately to Kenny who was stood frozen to the spot, staring at his best friend.

“Why? Why’d you do it?” Kyle spat, shoving Craig for a third time. “Do you really hate me that fucking much?”

Another shove.

Craig scowled and stood up straight, towering over Kyle, but still he did nothing but breath hard and stare at the ground.

“Well you know what? She said it was a mistake,” Kyle sneered, baring his teeth at Craig and getting as close to his face as his short stature would allow, “She said that you mean  _nothing_ to her.”

This seemed to grab Craig’s attention and he finally lifted his head up to look at Kyle, his face contorted with bitterness.

Stan could have sworn he heard the boy huff out a laugh, but maybe it was a cough.

“And you _believe_ that?”

Kyle’s face changed from hatred to pure devastation in a millisecond at Craig’s words.

“No, you don’t. Because you know. You know it’s a lie,” Craig sneered, and something inside Kyle finally snapped, the scowl returning to his face with a vengeance. He full on launched himself at Craig with everything he had in him, and they started brawling, as the crowd went wild, erupting into cheers, chants and everything in between.

_“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”_

“Kick his fucking ass, Craig!”Cartman cried out. He was grinning from ear to ear, phone proudly in hand, having pushed himself to the front of the crowd, to gain access to the best seats in the house.

“Oh fuck!” Kenny yelled, running towards the scuffle.

Fists were flying everywhere and Kenny almost got biffed in the face, trying to break it up. Stan unfortunately, took an elbow to the stomach and ended up on the floor, clutching his sides, severely winded. Luckily, Token and Clyde had managed to push their way through the violent-thirsty crowd and tried desperately to help Kenny pull the two boys apart.

“BOOOOOOOOOOO” The crowed cried, as Token and Clyde held Craig back whilst Kenny clung on to a still crazed Kyle, who remarkably, didn’t seem to have a scratch on him. Craig, on the other hand, had a busted lip and his cheek was bright red from where Kyle had punched him earlier.

“AWWWW FUCKING WEAK! CLYDE, YOU FUCKING PUSSY!” Cartman yelled. He seemed to be devastated he wasn’t going to witness a murder. “KYLE REMEMBER! HE FUCKED YOUR GIRL!”

At Cartman’s words, Kyle surged forward, taking Kenny with him and blindly swiping at Craig. Craig struggled in Clyde and Token’s grasp but they held him firmly in place.

“Kyle! Calm down!” Kenny yelled, struggling to pull him back. “Calm down, dude!”

“Fuck off! Let go of me!” Kyle cried in anger.

“Not until you calm down.”

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”

The voice of the principal rang out and it was comical how quickly the crowd dispersed. Like how cockroaches immediately scuttle out of sight when someone suddenly turns on a light. Cartman practically Usain Bolted it out of sight, shoving people out of his way urgently, as he made his getaway, not wanting to be seen at the scene of the crime. He was pretty sure this would constitute as a ‘toe out of line’. Craig was fucked.

Mr Jackson’s surveyed the scene before him, his eyes narrowing at Craig.

“My office. NOW!” He barked and Token and Clyde immediately released Craig from their holds.

“You too, Mr Broflovski,” Mr Jackson scowled and Kyle angrily shook Kenny off, stalking after Craig.

“You four,” he addressed Clyde, Token, Kenny and Stan, who had finally managed to get to his feet, “I want statements – what happened and why….and don’t bullshit me, boys – if any of you even think about lying, you won’t go to prom. Understood?” He said sternly, pointing his finger in a threatening manner. They all nodded in agreement, following him indoors.

 

* * *

 

 

“It says here, Mr Broflovski that you threw the first punch,” Mr Jackson said calmly, placing the paperwork down in front of him, “Is that true?”

Kyle bit his lip nervously, knowing that he was about to kiss his shot at being valedictorian goodbye. He was mad at himself for losing it, for letting his emotions get the better of him. Four years of hard work wasted, and all because he couldn’t wait to wipe that smug fucking look off Craig Tucker’s perfect face. His mom and dad were going to be furious. Fuck. What had he done?

“No. It was me.”

Kyle almost got whiplash with how fast he swung his head to face Craig. Shocked wasn’t even the word.

_What the fuck?!_

“Kyle fell into my car and I got mad, so I punched him,” Craig delivered impassively, like he was really, really bored, “Sorry.”

Kyle was speechless. Why the fuck was Craig trying to cover for him? The boy hated him, and even though he had majorly screwed Kyle over (no pun intended), never in a million years would Kyle believe that Craig Tucker would take the fall for him…even if it technically _was_ his fault.

Mr Jackson surveyed Craig warily, “That’s not what it says here, Mr Tucker. It says you were arguing over a girl and that Kyle threw the first punch.”

For a split second, Craig’s face faltered but he immediately recovered. If you blinked, you would have missed it. He quickly pulled a rabbit out of his arse, “Yeah… _my_ girl. My car...Sally.”

Mr Jackson raised his eyebrows at him, “Sally? You have a Mustang called Sally?”

Kyle stifled a laugh. He was still absolutely furious with Craig but even he couldn’t deny it was fucking funny. There was no way in hell Craig was going to get away with it. Mr Jackson had to know he was taking the absolute piss. He glanced over to Craig who he could tell was biting back a smirk - clearly amused at his own joke.

“Yeah.”

Mr Jackson sighed at the blatant lie, “Is this true, Mr Broflosvki?” he asked, not even trying to mask his contempt for Craig.

Kyle glanced over at Craig who moved his head just a fraction, nodding ever so slightly at him, silently asking him to go along with the story.

“Well, I didn’t know his car had a name—“

“--Not that!” Mr Jackson interjected irritably,  “About what happened!”

“Oh. Um…yeah….yeah…. I wasn’t watching where I was going…Sorry.”

“That’s okay, Kyle. I forgive you,” Craig drawled out in the most sarcastic tone Kyle had ever heard.  He wanted to fucking kill him.

“Well boys, that doesn’t excuse the fact that you were brawling in the parking lot. Craig, do you remember what I said to you?”

Craig nodded, “Yes sir.”

Mr Jackson sighed, “You’re not giving me much choice here.”

Craig licked his lips nervously, clearly waiting to be handed his sentence. He hadn’t forgotten Mr Jackson’s threats of expulsion and not being able to graduate.

“I’m going to have to suspend you,” Mr Jackson paused in thought, “One week.”

Craig breathed a sigh of relief. Suspended… Just a suspension. _Yipee Ki Yay Mother Fucker._

“And you’re banned from going to prom.”

Fuck. So not just a suspension.

Craig inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, nodding in defeat.

Kyle was shocked. He couldn’t believe Mr Jackson was being so cruel, and Craig was just taking it. He didn’t even try to fight it…. and it wasn’t even his fault. Kyle had started on him. Kyle had thrown the first punch.

“As for you, Mr Broflovski. As this is your first _ever_ offence, I am going to let you off with a warning. I do hope that this is your first and only visit to my office.”

Kyle nodded, “Yes sir. Thank you.”

“Okay, Kyle, you can go back to class once we have contacted your parents,” He shot his hands up at Kyle’s alarmed face, “Standard procedure, I assure you. Craig, you know the drill.”

They both stalked out of the office into the waiting room and Craig threw himself down in one of the chairs. Kyle stood around awkwardly, not wanting to sit anywhere near him. He was still mad, irate actually, and even Craig’s random act of kindness of taking the fall for him, couldn’t mask what he had done. What  _they_ had done. He wondered where it was? Tallulah had said it was at school…that was it. Which room had it been in? Did they fuck on a desk? Did Craig take her from behind. Did she cum? Kyle cringed at the thought and gritted his teeth. A suspension didn’t seem enough of a punishment. He wanted to cut Craig’s dick off.

After about two minutes of torturing himself, Kyle admitted defeat and reluctantly sat down two chairs away from Craig.

“You’re welcome,” Craig said in that stupid nasally voice of his.

“Don’t fucking start,” Kyle spat.

“I just saved your fucking ass and you can’t even say thank you,” Craig scoffed, like Kyle was the arsehole in the situation.

“Are you fucking kidding me? That’s the  _last thing_  I would do.”

They fell into a stony silence, both scanning their brains for their next retort. Kyle didn’t know what he wanted to ask first. He wanted to know everything. He wanted every minute detail of what had happened – every kiss, every thrust, every moan. He needed to know. Even though he knew it would tear him apart to hear it.

In the end, he opted for a simple,“Why?”

Craig sighed heavily, his scowl fading from his face but he didn’t answer Kyle immediately. He just stared straight ahead, as though he was thinking through his response. It took another prompt from Kyle, “Why’d you do it?” for him to answer.

“I don’t expect you to understand.”

Kyle laughed bitterly, “Good, because I don’t.” He didn’t understand at all. All he understood was that Craig had ruined his life. He had taken Tallulah from him.

Craig looked away and licked his lips, in the same nervous way he had done in the office.

“You could have anyone. Anyone at all. You didn’t need to take her,” Kyle said in a low voice. He was trying to keep it together, to not let his emotion get the best of him. However, it wasn’t anger that he had to contend with, instead an overwhelming feeling of disappointment flooded his senses, making him feel devastated and hollow.

“I don’t want anyone else,” Craig replied in a small voice, as if admitting the fact out loud made him weak.

“Yeah right,” Kyle scoffed, “Until the next one comes along.” Craig was a playboy. He treated girls like condoms - once used, dispose of. What a perfect fucking way to describe his fuckboy tendencies.

Craig shook his head.

“It’s different with her.”

Kyle inhaled sharply at Craig’s words. It wasn’t just sex.

It  _wasn’t_ just sex.

“I love her.”

The words were spoken so softly that had Kyle not been listening as intently as he was, he wouldn’t have heard them. But he heard them.

Bitter tears stung the corners of his eyes, “Me too.” Because he did love Tallulah. He loved her so, so fucking much.

Craig nodded, as though he already knew that fact. He probably did.

“And I’m not giving her up. You had your fucking chance with her and you blew it. I don’t care what she did. What you did. We can get past this,” Kyle said, more for his benefit than for Craig’s. He furiously wiped his frustrated tears away from his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater, silently cursing himself for being overtly emotional in front of the human brick wall. Why couldn’t he be like Craig? Holding his cards closely to his chest? Never giving anything away.

Kyle watched as Craig held his tongue against his teeth, trying to stop his face was crumpling with some kind of emotion that Kyle could only assume he was wrestling with. What was it? Sadness? Anger?  Acceptance?

Kyle didn’t care. He didn’t care that Craig would suffer. It served him fucking right. He always got everything he wanted. He always took what he wanted. Wendy from Stan, Tallulah from him. Who the fuck did he think he was?!

The anger quickly returned to Kyle  and before he was dismissed back to class, he left Craig one final reminder.

“She’s mine. Not yours. Mine.”

 

* * *

 

“Did you hope something would happen?” Dr Fielding posed the question to Tweek, gaining an angry expression from the blonde, who was sat bolt upright in the terribly comfy chair; her posture clearly giving away a guarded stance.

“What?” Tweek demanded irritably. When she had told Dr Fielding what had happened, she expected at least a little bit of fucking sympathy. After all, her life was over as she fucking knew it.

“Well, when you found out you would be spending a whole day with Craig, did a small part of you hope something would happen?”

Tweek was furious. No, she hadn’t fucking hoped something would happen. She had hoped she would get through the detention as quickly and as painlessly as possible. She had even taken one of the Harry Potter books with her for fuck’s sake. She hadn’t realised that Hazza P was code for, ‘I want you to fuck me against this locker’.

How rude.

Tweek narrowed her eyes at her doctor. Was this bitch insane? She had been happy with Kyle. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Craig. It was just a mistake. A stupid mistake. A stupid, pleasure-filled mistake!

“No.”

_~~YES~~ _

Dr Fielding made some kind of questionable noise. It wasn’t quite ‘hmm’ but it was enough to get Tweek’s back up.

She had purposely not revealed about what had happened in her two previous sessions, as she was too embarrassed by what she had done, fearing that her therapist would do exactly what she thought she would do and try and turn it around on her, like Tweek had fucking asked for it or something. Which is exactly what she was doing now. Tweek was regretting telling her anything in the first place. What was she paying her for again? Wasn’t it to help her? Make her feel better about herself? You know - not make her out to be an fucking evil genius.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just, you said that you loved him.” Dr Fielding mused, cocking her head at Tweek in that really annoying way she did whenever Tweek couldn’t face the facts. She might as well as said, ‘Sure, Jan,’ to her, as she clearly didn’t believe Tweek.

 “Yeah?” Tweek huffed out cockily in a way a child would demand, ‘So what?’

“Do you love Kyle?” Dr Fielding asked, cocking her head even more, if that was possible. She looked like a fucking cockatoo.

Cock.

What a cock.

“Well…I don’t know,” Tweek said indignantly. She wanted to say that yes. Yes she did love Kyle. If anything, to at least wipe that fucking ‘I’m definitely right’ look off Dr Caroline Fielding’s fucking face. But she couldn’t say that she loved Kyle because…well because. Look. It’s not like she wouldn’t eventually fall in love with Kyle, it’s just…well they weren’t there yet, okay?

Dr Fielding shot her a tight-lipped smile, “I think you know, Tallulah.”

Tweek swallowed nervously. Okay. So maybe… Maybe she was right. Maybe, a teeny, tiny part of Tweek had like subconsciously wanted Craig to talk to her... but that was normal wasn’t it? When you liked…well - loved someone, you wanted to be in their company, to hear them laugh, to hear their voice, to look at them and watch all their expressions...to want them to kiss you and hold you and never let you go…

Oh.

Tweek took a deep breath and allowed herself to finally relax into the chair. She hated that Dr Fielding knew her so well. It was like she had front row seats to Tweek’s brain or something…like access to all her thoughts, even the shit that Tweek tried to file away and forget about. Shit. Did her doctor know about the awkward hand job from three summers ago too? Probably. That bitch was psychic. Come to think of it, she reminded Tweek of that really creepy Pokemon trainer, Sabrina. Tweek was surprised that Alakazam wasn’t chilling in the corner, clutching his fucking spoons.

“I think you knew what would happen. And I think you wanted it to happen,” Dr Fielding stated, not unkindly, just like it was fact. Like how water is wet and snow is white, and how Tweek is clearly a fucking heartless bitch.

Tweek sighed in defeat, knowing in her heart of hearts that it was true. She may have not wanted to hurt Kyle but she had definitely wanted to fuck Craig.

“Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was Sunday when Kyle text her asking her if they could meet up at Stark’s Pond for ‘a talk’. They hadn’t spoken since the night where Tweek had ripped his heart out and taken a massive shit on it. She had miraculously managed to avoid him (and the rest of her friends) on Friday through a combination of hiding out in the girls’ bathroom, lingering behind after class, and waiting an excruciating amount of time before finally leaving school at the end of the day. The parking lot had been deserted bar her cherry red mini. Even the teachers had all bailed - it was Friday after all.

The news of Kyle and Craig’s fight had spread rapidly through the school, and Tweek was alerted to the event via a series of Snapchat stories highlighting the showdown.  Most all of the stories mentioned her name in some way, shape or form, whether it was ‘that Tweek girl’ or ‘the new girl’ - people knew she was the reason for the fallout. Eric Cartman even had the audacity to tag her in his story, displaying her username for the world to see, along with a series of crying with laughter emojis, which he had strategically positioned over the video of Craig and Kyle flailing about on the floor.

Due to Cartman’s indiscretions, Tweek had never been so popular. Her phone had run out of battery sometime mid afternoon, after it had practically vibrated constantly for 5 hours straight from the flood of notifications. Most of them contained horrendous messages, calling her a slut, a whore and a bitch. A few of them contained proposals from desperate boys who thought she was easy (was she easy?), and a tiny proportion contained supportive words of comfort. But those were few and far between.

Kyle was sat waiting for her on the same bench she and Craig had sat on the night it had all began. The night he had asked her to start something with him. At the time, Tweek had thought he meant that he wanted a relationship with her, because she was naïve and a fucking idiot. Little did she know what it actually meant was, ‘Imma mess with your head and leave you incapable of forgetting me and moving on.’ If she had known what she knew now, would she have told Craig no? Would she have run away from him? Would she have got with Kyle from the get go and avoided all this shit?

Probably not.

Kyle smiled at her as she nervously approached him, her feet crunching in the snow. She had her arms crossed protectively over her chest, as though she was expecting him to carry on where they had left off on Thursday, with him screaming at her. She wouldn’t blame him at all.

Fuck. She was so nervous.

“Hey,” he said awkwardly and Tweek returned it with her own ‘hey’, equally as awkward.

Tweek sat down next to him and stared out at the pond. It wasn’t as cold as it had been the last time she had been there, and although there was still snow on the ground, there were also colours of green peaking through – the telltale signs that summer was approaching.

The tension between them was palpable but Tweek was at a loss of what to say. She had already said sorry and although she knew she still owed Kyle an apology, this time it would mean something completely different, and she didn’t know where to start.

“I’ve thought about it,” Kyle began, his voice cracking as though he had waited too long to start speaking, “And I…. I forgive you.”

He was staring straight ahead at nothing in particular, as though looking at her would break him.

Tweek bit her lip and looked down at her shoes.

He forgave her.

Just like that.

“And… I still want us to go to prom together…I still want you to be my girlfriend.”

For a split second, Tweek wanted to nod and accept what Kyle had just said. She wanted to take the easy road, to be his girlfriend again, to be adored. Because it was clear - Kyle adored her.

She remembered Esther’s words: _‘Kyle would fucking walk to the ends of the earth for you…’_

And she knew it was true. But it wasn’t right. Because even if he did, there would still be that niggling doubt in Tweek’s mind that he wasn’t the one that she wanted.

Because he wasn’t.

“Kyle,” Tweek paused, thinking how to best word what she was about to say. No matter how she said it, she was still going to end up, twisting the knife into his heart again, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Kyle whipped his head around to look at her, clearly not expecting that response.

“Why? You said so yourself, you made a mistake.” He said desperately, the words falling out of his mouth with urgency. “It  _was_ a mistake, wasn’t it?”

Tweek turned to look at him and slowly shook her head, “I don’t think it was,” she uttered, her voice breaking, as a wave of grief swept over her.

Kyle inhaled deeply, “But you said…you said it was. You said he meant nothing to you.” He was struggling to speak, as raw devastation took over him. His eyes had become glassy and he was doing that thing he did, fighting against his facial muscles, trying not to cry.

“I wish that was true. I really do.” She said, wiping a tear that had escaped her eye with the sleeve of her shirt. And she meant it. She would give anything to be able to love this sweet, sweet boy sat beside her. But unfortunately, her heart wouldn’t let her because it already loved someone else.

Kyle huffed out a bitter laugh and looked away, discretely wiping his own eyes with his sleeves.

They both sat in an unbearable silence, staring at the pond with the only noise coming from a family of ducks who were quacking happily.

“You love him, don’t you?” Kyle whispered, sniffing after he spoke.

She could deny it. She could be kind and say no. She didn’t have to tell him. He didn’t have to know.

But she nodded anyhow– her face finally crumpling in anguish as she let herself cry as quietly as she could.

“Why _him_?” Kyle asked softly, shaking his head in disbelief. Or maybe not disbelief but rather, bitter acceptance. What he really wanted to know was why couldn’t it be him that she loved? Why did it have to be Craig Tucker?

Tweek sniffed, “I don’t know. I wish I knew.”

To passers by, it must have looked like a very strange scene. Two teenagers sat side-by-side, staring at the pond and sobbing silently. It was too emo for words.

“You should…you should ask Esther to prom, she um…I think she likes you,” Tweek voiced, looking up at the stark white sky and rubbing away her tears with her fingers.

Kyle sneered and shook his head resentfully, “Fuck you.”

Tweek cringed.

Maybe she shouldn’t have said that. Kyle was free to ask whoever he wanted to. But she needed him to know that she wasn’t a terrible person. She still cared for him. She might not love him in the way he wanted her to love him but she still cared for him, and she wanted him to be okay.

“I wish I’d never met you.” Kyle breathed, his voice full of hurt, full of anger…full of disappointment.

Tweek held her tongue, not wanting to rile him up further. She had already said enough.

“You’re a horrible person.”

And then he stood up and walked away, leaving Tweek sat on the bench, alone.

 

* * *

 

Her shaking hands blindly stroked the wall to the garage in search of the light switch. The room was covered in a blanket of darkness, which at any other time would have creeped Tweek the fuck out, enough for her to leg it back into the safety of her house. But in her current state, she didn’t care what fictional monsters were hiding here. She’d probably welcome the sweet release of death at the hands of some mutilated figure that she had concocted in her head.

Her fingers eventually located the switch and she took great satisfaction in clicking it downwards. The room immediately came into focus, bathed in the glow of florescent tube lighting.

The car hadn’t moved an inch since her Dad had parked it back in October. It was still as pristine as it had been on the day of her sixteenth birthday. The paintwork brand new, the leather upholstery untouched, the wheels gleaming. For a 1966 car, anyone would have been fooled into thinking it had been produced mere months ago.

It was like the Dorian Gray of cars.

In the almost three years that she had owned the car, she hadn’t allowed herself to properly look at it. As even looking at it felt like a betrayal to Evelyn.

Tweek slowly walked over to it and rested one of her still shaking hands on the bodywork. It didn’t electrocute her like she thought it would do. The metal was cold under her hand and it felt exactly how her Mini felt….because, _it was just a car._

It was weird to think how much she had wanted this car at one point in her life. Like, she could have died, the yearning was that great; she wanted it – no - _needed_ it. It was like her life wouldn’t have been complete without it. But losing Evelyn had taught her a valuable lesson: money and objects did not equate happiness. No matter how much money her parents or Evelyn’s parents had, they couldn’t save her. The best doctors in the country couldn’t save her. And now she was gone, but Tweek still had the car. It was a cruel irony, really.

Tweek scrunched her eyes closed at the memory of her best friend. It had been two years since she had lost her but it only felt like two minutes. She remembered the support groups she had attended when it had first happened. A woman had told her that it would take ten years to come to terms with everything. Another said it would be five. One person weirdly chose seven, as apparently everybody changes once every seven years. Whatever the timeframe, it was clear that it would take years until she would finally feel better and be able to accept what had happened and move on with her life. Tweek wished she could press fast forward to when it didn’t hurt anymore.

It was times like these when she really needed Evelyn.

She really needed her best friend.

Tweek opened the driver’s door and hesitated. This was the most interaction she had ever had with it. She needed to get a grip - it was just a car for god’s sake! She slowly got in it and gripped the steering wheel unbelievably tight, as if to ground herself from freaking out.

 _It was just a car_ , she repeated to herself.

She couldn’t help but think that if Evelyn was still here none of this would have happened. Tweek would never have moved to South Park; she would never have met Craig Tucker or Kyle Broflovski; she would never have had to endure Wendy Testaburger’s bullying; and she would never have broken someone’s heart.

But then…she would never have met Marj.

Tweek cringed into herself thinking about her blonde best friend who had been nothing but supportive to her, yet Tweek had ignored her recent texts, unable to face her and admit what she had done. Marj was angry with her and Tweek couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t handle the possibility of losing another best friend. Marj just wanted to know why she had done it and Tweek couldn’t give her an answer. What was she supposed to say? _I’m spoilt? I’m selfish? I’m a horrible person?_ People already knew that. Instead, Tweek did what did best – runaway from her problems. Her phone had remained off for the weekend and she was seriously debating whether or not she was going to go back to school at all. But she had to. She was so close to finishing and even though it would be unbearable, she wasn’t going to throw away four years of work. Her dad would probably forgive her for not going to college but she doubted he would let her get away with not completing high school.

Tweek often imagined how things would be if Evelyn _was_ still here. They would probably be planning which halls they were going to live in at college - because Tweek would definitely be going to college if Evelyn was still here. And like, it would just a given that they’d be going to the same one – like, duh! And they would definitely have shared a room. Evelyn would have majored in fashion design, Tweek in business. Their skills would have complimened each other when they finally launched their first clothing line, E.T. (like the alien) together. Tweek would have been all business, Evelyn would have been the creative genius. They were going to be bigger than the Olson Twins… _just you wait_ , they had said to their parents.

Tweek smiled at the memory, her hand reaching for the keys. which she had, at some point, placed into the ignition. She turned them gently and the car roared to life, causing her to jump at the sudden noise.

She sat for a while in the running car, her hands still firmly fixed to the wheel, staring straight ahead. She was breathing heavily.

_It was just a car._

It was only after five minutes had passed that Tweek absolutely shat herself when she realized she was in a confined space in a running vehicle. Was she a fucking idiot? She thought about dying from asphyxiation through carbon monoxide poisoning. How long did it take? Was she already dead? How would she know?

Fuck. She really was an idiot.

She quickly took the handbrake off and edged the car forward to the automated garage doors, which opened on cue, revealing the long driveway and letting in some much needed oxygen. She might be feeling like shit but she wasn’t suicidal.

Tweek stared at the driveway before her. She was almost there.

 _Just take it around the block,_ she said to herself. _You don’t even have to put the roof down._

She lifted her foot off the break and as gently as she could, nudged the accelerator. The car started moving forwards.

_No. No. No._

Fuck this.

It wasn’t just a car.

Tweek slammed on the brakes, and thrust the stick down to reverse. When the car was back to its previous position, she yanked the handbrake up and turned the keys in such rapid movements, anyone would think she was late to her own funeral. She had never moved so fast in her life.

She scrambled out of it and scurried out of the room, smacking the button to close the garage doors and flicking the light switch back off as she went.

It wasn’t just a car.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next couple of weeks were unbearably difficult for Tweek who just wanted to get through them as quickly as possible. Most of her friends weren’t speaking to her, as they had taken Kyle’s side - only Jason and Millie still acknowledged her.

Marj had stormed up to her the Monday after it had all happened, demanding to know the truth. Tweek had told her everything but instead of being sympathetic and understanding, Marj had called her selfish for using Kyle like that, as it was clear how strongly he felt for her. They’d ended up having a blazing argument which ended with both of them storming off in different directions. After she had calmed down, Tweek had tried to apologise to Marj but the blonde was having none of it, and there were only so many times you could try before giving up in defeat. Tweek had given up somewhere around the seventh or eight attempt.

If that wasn’t bad enough, Tweek still seemed to be the hot topic of school and she was subjected to glares, whispers and out right comments in the hallway. Eric Cartman was relentless in his teasing and would shout ‘Ladies! Hide your men, Tallulah’s coming through!’ or words to that effect, whenever she was walking to class. The fucker had even had t-shirts printed with ‘Team Kyle’ and ‘Team Craig’ on, and had sold them for fifteen bucks a piece. Tweek couldn’t believe the amount of people who actually bought them and even worse, the ones who fucking wore them, and not even in an ironic way. The only saving grace to the whole charade was Craig’s suspension, meaning that Tweek was able to use her old locker in peace for a whole week. But apart from that, her life was shit.

School wasn’t fun without any friends and Tweek felt as alone as she had done when Evelyn had first died.

 

* * *

 

“So is that…are you guys done? Like for good?” Millie asked Marj one day at their lockers.

It had been two weeks since the big reveal of Tweek’s infidelity and although it had calmed down, she was still ostracised from the group. Millie and Jason were the only two members who hadn’t cut Tweek out of their lives completely. They were Switzerland as far as the war was concerned. After all, people made mistakes.

Marj shrugged in a way that told Millie that the topic wasn’t up for discussion.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Millie mused, clearly not impressed with Marj’s reaction.

Marj sighed, closing the door to her locker, “Millie, she broke Kyle’s heart,” she said, as though Millie needed reminding of what had happened. Marj was kind of mad that Millie hadn’t defended Kyle in the same way the rest of the group had. After all, they had been friends for years.

“I am aware of that,” Millie began, “But people make mistakes--”

“Millie – do you know what Esther told me? She told me that they did it on Kyle’s locker. His _own_ fucking locker, Millie!”

Millie couldn’t help her eyebrows flying upwards on her forehead in shock. Okay, so she didn’t know _that_ detail but still, it wasn’t like the girl had fucking killed anyone.

“Does Kyle know—“

“—Of course he doesn’t fucking know,” Marj interjected irritably, “And we’re not going to tell him,” she warned, as though Millie would storm up to Kyle and say ‘GUESS WHAT!?’

“Right.” Millie nodded in an annoyed way. God Marj could be a self-righteous dick sometimes.

Marj shot her a tight-lipped smile as a signal for her departure and began walking away.

“She’s not going to prom, you know. Or graduation,” Millie stated loud enough for Marj to hear.

Tweek had confided in Millie and Jason that she wasn’t going to make life any worse for herself and was just going to stay home for both prom and graduation. She didn’t need the picture in the cap and gown anyhow, she had said. Yeah her parents would be sad but, it was for the best.

Marj reluctantly stopped walking and turned around, “What?”

“She’s not going. I mean who’d want her there after she killed all those puppies.”

Marj threw Millie a sceptical look. Like a ‘What the fuck you talkin’ about, Willis?’ look.

Millie smiled, “Oh wait, she didn’t kill any puppies did she? She made a stupid mistake.”

She was hoping to put into perspective just how ridiculous Marj was being. Tweek hadn’t killed anybody. Yes she’d made an error and yes it was a very poor judgment to choose Kyle’s locker as the location to carry out the error on, after all, there was over 800 lockers in the school… but still. It was a mistake. Treating her like this terrible, evil person was just as bad, if not worse, than what Tweek had done. And Millie would have no part of it.

“She…She hurt Kyle,” Marj said uncertainly, like she trying to convince herself that Tweek deserved to miss out on two of the biggest events of her life.

“Well he needs to get the fuck over it. This is life, shit happens. Treating her like she doesn’t exist – what are we, like five?” Millie huffed out. “She’s going to miss out on two of the biggest events of her life because of us.”

“No ones saying that she can’t go,” Marj said stubbornly. It wasn’t like anyone was stopping her from going. It would be Tweek’s decision not to go. It would be her own fault if she missed out.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Marj. You know what, just forget it.” Millie raged. She wasn’t getting anywhere, it was like talking to her arse. She began to walk away and was almost out of sight when she heard Marj shout.

“She’s really not going?”

Millie didn’t stop walking nor did she turn to face Marj or even respond to her. However, she did smile to herself, knowing that her words had worked.

Cinderella would be going to the ball after all.

 

* * *

 

On the Friday before prom, Tallulah was at her locker when Craig approached her. They hadn’t spoken since the last time Craig had pulled her into that empty classroom. However, it wasn’t for lack of trying on Craig’s part. He sent her text messages every day, which went unanswered, and tried in vain to speak to her whenever he saw in the hallway. But Tweek was having none of it and went out of her way to avoid him. It was almost comical.

Craig had been thrilled that she had returned to use her own locker, unfortunately however, she never seemed to be there when he was. It was like she had planted a tracker on him and knew where he would be at all times. So when he finally saw her throwing her books haphazardly into her locker, his heart stopped and it took everything in him not to sprint at her. He still walked unbelievably fast, as though she would disappear before his eyes.

“Hey,” he said eagerly. Probably too eagerly.

Tallulah briefly glanced at him before looking away. Her eyes flitting nervously around, like she didn’t want to get caught talking to him.

“What?” She said harshly.

How rude.

“Are you incapable of saying hello?” Craig replied sarcastically.

Tallulah rolled her eyes, “What do you want, Craig?”

“I heard you broke up with Broflovski.”

Talluluah scowled at him, “Not that it’s any of your fucking business… but yeah.”

Craig nodded. He’d heard from Kenny who had heard from Stan that they had broken up. And considering what Kyle had said to him on the day of their fight, he knew it wouldn’t have been Kyle that did the dumping. He couldn’t help the hopeful feeling that had shot through him on hearing the news. He still had a chance with her.

“Why?”

Tallulah narrowed her eyes at him, “Because I did. Why? Why does it matter why?”

Craig noticed that a faint blush had crept onto her cheeks and he wondered if it was because she was embarrassed over the reason. Was it too presumptuous of him to think that he might have been the reason? Or at the very least a factor.

“It doesn’t,” he said.

It did matter.

He wanted to know.

“So who you going to prom with?” He asked hastily, noticing she was getting ready to do her disappearing act.

Tallulah huffed out a laugh. “Oh god, you’re not going to suggest we go together, are you?”

Craig smirked at her words. She was really cute when she was trying to be hostile with him.

“Would that be so terrible?”

The blush on Tallulah’s cheeks grew darker, “I’m not going.”

Craig raised his eyebrows at her in fake surprise, even though he already knew she wasn’t going, as Kenny had already told him. He was going to suggest they do something together, as they would be the only two people missing out, not that he would mind if he was with Tallulah.

“I’m not going either,” he began, trying to mask his desperation and hoping she wouldn’t rumble him, “I got banned.”

“Oh really?” She said sarcastically, “Well, I’ll tell you what. What say we hang out instead? We can watch a movie, get pizza, play some video games – sound good?”

Craig’s stomach flipped even though he knew she was being sarcastic. But he still asked her if she was being serious anyway, incase there was a sliver of a chance.

“No, I’m not being fucking serious!” Tallulah spat, slamming her locker door in the process.

“That’s a shame, you got me excited,” Craig smirked.

“Doesn’t take much, does it?” Tallulah replied, cocking her head at him.

_Was that a joke? A sexual joke? Had she just referred to their sex life?_

The smirk on Craig’s face widened and he noticed that Tallulah was trying hard not to smile herself.

“Should we say seven then?” Craig joked.

Tallulah shot him a death glare, “Can’t wait.”

“Oh shit! You guys aren’t about to start fucking on your lockers, are you?” The voice of Eric Cartman echoed through the halls.

Tallulah’s horrified face was a picture, all the colour seemed to drain from it, as she looked at Craig in panic.

Craig couldn’t help but smile at the situation - Cartman had no idea just how accurate his question was. He waggled his eyebrows cheekily at Tallulah who in turn, scuttled away from him as quickly as she could.

“Jesus Christ, Tweek, Kyle’s side of the bed isn’t even cold yet!” The fatboy called out to her as she practically sprinted away from sight.

“Fuck off, Cartman,” Craig said lazily, once Tallulah was out of earshot.

“Oh, I’m sorry HBK. Did I interrupt your sex session?” Cartman grinned. Craig noticed he was wearing a Team Kyle t-shirt.

_Seriously?_

“Nice shirt,” He mused, starting to walk away himself.

“Sorry Craig, but the stitching on the Jew shirts is so much better than the fuck boy ones.” Cartman called out to him.

Craig didn’t look back at him as he walked away, he just lazily held up his middle finger and kept it raised as he sauntered down the hallway.

 

* * *

 

Stan had errands to run after school, meaning that Kyle had to get the bus home. He didn’t mind, he actually rather liked getting the bus. Marj sometimes took it and on the occasions that she didn’t, Kyle just stuck his headphones in and stared out the window. He was in the mood to do just that today – he had had an exhausting week and it wasn’t over yet. They still had their prom to look forward to on Saturday night.

Kyle had put his pride aside and had asked Esther to go with him. There was no exploding confetti or cupcakes, just a simple question over milkshakes at Ronny’s. She had, of course, said yes and seemed genuinely happy that he had asked her. He was still very bitter about the whole Tweek thing and he knew he should have been happy that someone wanted to go with him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t shake the thought that he still wished he was going with Tweek.

He had just stuck his headphones in, when Marj came bouncing down the aisle, throwing herself into the empty seat beside him.

“Hey,” she said, not bothering to wait until he had removed his headphones.

“Hey,” Kyle smiled at her.

They were still going ahead with the rented limo and had made plans to meet at Stan’s house for ‘drinks, nibbles and photos’, as the girls all referred to it as. Kyle hadn’t wanted to point out that having it at Stan’s was probably bad idea, as Randy would most definitely provide alcoholic beverages, instead of the pink lemonade that the girls were expecting. Oh well, it beat hosting it at his. His mom had been fucking delighted that he and Tweek had broken up. She had rimmed on about how much better suited Esther and Kyle were, and had almost had a heart attacked when she had found out that Esther was going to Yale to major in law. Kyle was surprised that she hadn’t tried to force him to propose to her already.

“So, you all set for tomorrow?” Marj asked and Kyle rolled his eyes. It had been exhausting listening to the girls as they spoke about hair, make up, dresses, shoes and jewelry. Like seriously – it was one fucking night.

“Marj, I’m rocking up in a tux,” Kyle said, alluding to the fact he thought all the prom-prep was absurd.

Marj threw her hands up in surrender, “Okay, okay. I get it!”

“Good. Because I’m not spending the whole bus ride discussing the pros and cons between rose gold jewelry again,” Kyle warned.

He wished he was joking when he said that. But it hadn’t been a joke at all. Esther had spent the best part of twenty minutes agonizing over whether or not rose gold and navy blue went together. Kyle was still none the wiser of if it did or not, as Marj had thrown a spanner in the works by suggesting white gold instead, which had opened another can of fucking worms – he couldn’t thank her enough.

“Okay…no prom talk. I promise.” Marj saluted, like she was in the Scouts.

“Good.”

“So, have you spoken to Tweek at all?” Marj asked cautiously. They hadn’t mentioned _she who must not be named_ in weeks. Kyle wanted her deleted from his memory. He hated the fact that his stomach lurched at the sound of her name.

“Oh yes. We met up for coffee and she reassured me that she would be opting for white gold jewelry,” he replied sarcastically, “You must be joking.”

Marj smiled sheepishly and bit her lip anxiously. Kyle could tell she wanted to say something.

“What? What is it? You want her to come in the limo, don’t you? Oh please don’t tell me, you agree with Millie?”

Kyle had been annoyed that Millie hadn’t taken his side. She had declared herself neutral and recruited Jason to her cause, opting to keep out of any drama. Which she did… at first. However, for the past week, Millie had been getting more and more vocal over the situation, rimming on about how life is short and shit happens and ya-dee-ya-dee ya. Yeah. Shit does happen. But when you are the person it happens to, you don’t really want to hang with the cause of the shit, pretending that everything is hunky-dory…because it isn’t. It’s shit.

“Kyle, Tweek isn’t going to prom. She thinks everyone hates her… she’s even debating whether or not to show up for graduation!” Marj blurted out.

Kyle sneered harshly, “And I’m supposed to feel bad, because?”

Marj cringed, “No…I don’t want you to feel bad, it’s just--”

“--Just what? You feel sorry for her?” Kyle huffed out a laugh, “I get it. She cheated on _me_ but you feel sorry for _her_ – yeah, that makes sense.”

“Kyle, that’s not what I meant.”

“I hate her. She can go fuck herself for all I care.” Kyle spat. Not only had Tweek humiliated him, she had also broken his heart. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Kyle couldn’t stop thinking about her and he knew, that if she asked him to take her back, he would say yes in a heartbeat.

“Kyle, for fuck’s sake! She made a mistake. You don’t need to keep punishing her, she’s doing a fine job of that herself.”

Kyle fell silent, his anger fading rapidly. He was annoyed at himself. He didn’t hate Tweek at all. He loved her and to know that she was suffering was killing him.

“I don’t hate her,” Kyle said quietly.

“Look. I don’t agree with what she did…it was shit. But do you really want her to miss out on prom?” Marj questioned and Kyle could tell she was choosing her words carefully, like she was afraid any sympathy for Tweek would set him off.

Kyle sighed.  No one should have to miss their prom, “No.”

“Well we’re the reason she isn’t going. I’m not trying to make you feel bad because we’re all to blame. But I can’t have it on my conscience.”

It was true, everyone had taken Kyle’s side and had gifted Tweek with the silent treatment. She wasn’t welcome to sit with them anymore and Kyle wasn’t exactly sure where she went at lunch, he just knew that wherever it was, she would probably be alone.

Kyle looked away from Marj in defeat. He had wanted Tweek to suffer as much as he had, wanted her to know how it felt to hit rock bottom, and all because she didn’t return his feelings, because she was in love with someone else. It wasn’t fair. You couldn’t help who you liked. He knew that more than anyone, which is why it hurt so fucking much.

“I’ll fix it,” he finally said.

Marj shot him a small smile, like she was proud of him, “You always do.”

 

* * *

  

It had just turned seven o’clock when the doorbell chimed, signalling the arrival of Tweek’s cheese pizza. Prom night for her was going to consist of consuming her body weight in cheesy, greasy goodness whilst watching  _Requiem for a Dream_ , to yet again remind herself that things could be fucking worse. Even though everyone hated her and she was missing out on  _the_ event of the year, at least she wasn’t on one end of a double-ended dildo, going ass to ass with some stranger for the benefit of sleazy old men and so that she could feed her heroin addiction.

It could always be worse.

Her dress was still hung up on the door to her closet in its expensive ‘garment bag’ as the salesman had said, correcting Tweek when she had referred to it as ‘that cover thingy that goes over clothes with the zip and shit’. It’s a pity she wouldn’t get to wear it, but hey-ho, she could always save it for another occasion…you know all those occasions that required a fucking ball gown.

Maybe she could just wear it around the house and pretend she was in  _Gone With The Wind_  – she would make a fantastic Scarlett O’Hara, especially after what she had done to Kyle.  She could actually play the vindictive, nasty and selfish cow quite well… she probably wouldn’t even have to act.

It was quite humbling actually – to realise you weren’t as perfect as you thought you were. To realise that you could easily cause unnecessary hurt and have people thinking you were a complete bitch. Tweek had definitely been knocked down a peg or two...scrap that, she had been biffed into next week. 

_You're the most selfish person I've ever met._

The more she thought about Esther's words, the angrier she became. Was the bitch serious? Yes, Tweek was spoiled. Yes, Tweek had fucked up. But acting like Tweek was fucking Hitler in a wig was going a step too far. The bitch didn't even know her. They sat together at lunch and hung out with the same people...that was it. Esther had never made any attempt to get to know Tweek – she had turned down all of Tweek’s invitations to hang out - she had even skipped out on Tweek's Halloween Soiree, making lame excuses about needing to study for an entrance exam to Yale, when really, Tweek knew it was because she had suggested Esther go as Cho Chang. Esther had been highly offended, of course, by Tweek stereotyping her just because she had Chinese heritage and she had refused to participate in any of the wizard-related festivities. Even Tweek screaming,  _'Two pumpkin pasties_!' in her face, in her best Scottish accent wasn't enough to persuade the girl. It wasn’t Tweek’s fault Esther had a stick up her arse and wouldn’t know comedy if it bit her on her left tit.

Her footsteps padded along the super soft carpet as Tweek made her way to the kitchen where her mom was busy baking. She assumed her pizza was on the counter and was grateful that her mom had taken care of the delivery guy. Tweek hated social interaction with strangers, particularly those strangers who were providing her a service. She never quite knew how much to tip or how one should even give a tip…. Was it before or after you took the food? Did you acknowledge giving the tip or was it just supposed to be a suave backhanded movement? The process always crippled her and she blamed her fear on the time she had accidentally winked at a young delivery guy and blurted out, ‘Take care, kiddo’. Since then, Tweek found herself just fisting out a $5 dollar bill in front of her without making eye contact…like ‘Got you dis’, and hoping the delivery guy would take it, no questions asked.

Why was she like this?

“Was that the pizza? I’m starvin’ Marvin—“ Tweek stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes falling on the figure seated at the breakfast bar, and in that moment, she understood how people could die of shock.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Tweek asked abruptly and rudely.

“Lulu! Manners!” Her mom scolded. She was wearing her signature frilly apron and had just placed one of her pastry creations in front of the intruder who actually had the audacity to smile charmingly and say, ‘Thank you, Mrs Tweek’, like butter wouldn’t fucking melt.

Tweek blinked and repeated her question, albeit without the swearing.

“What are you doing here?”

Craig took a bite out of the cinnamon swirl Tweek’s mother had just placed in front of him. He was sitting casually on one of the high stools in a black tux, complete with bow tie and a red rose boutonniere. His hair was up in his trademark topknot, although it looked like a lot more effort had been made – not a single hair was out of place. He could have easily just waltzed off the red carpet from the Oscars - he looked fucking gorgeous.

Tweek felt like a fool. Although she had showered, she was wearing baggy pajama bottoms with little illustrations of hot dogs on and a matching vest top of a dachshund in a bun saying, ‘hot diggidy dog’.  To say it was a complete juxtaposition would be an understatement.

 “I’m taking you to prom.” He stated impassively, licking away the crumbs that the pastry had left on his lips, “You said seven?”

Tweek openly stared at him. Was he being fucking serious?

“What!?”

Craig smiled, “I’m taking you to prom-“

“I heard what you said.” Tweek interjected, just as the doorbell sounded to signal the arrival of Tweek’s actual pizza and not the fake pizza that actually turned out to be Craig Tucker in a tux.

Tweek snapped her head to look at the front door but before she even had chance to react, her mother was already bustling past her, leaving Tweek alone with Craig in her kitchen which was bigger than Token’s.

“I’m not going.” She stated, turning her head back to look at him and folding her arms protectively over her chest. She really wished she was wearing a bra.

Craig stared at her for a prolonged period of time, as if he could make her change her mind just by looking at her. Tweek didn’t relent and stared straight back at him, defiantly.

“Fine. We’ll just hang out here then,” Craig shrugged in acceptance, as Tweek’s mother returned with the pizza, popping it down on the counter and going back to her baking. Tweek watched in horror as Craig opened the box and helped himself to a slice. A slice of  _her fucking_ pizza.

Well, fuck. What now? This wasn’t part of the plan at all. Tweek was supposed to consume her body weight in cheese, whilst watching heroin addicts get funky with dildos, before falling into a deep sleep and enjoying some freaky-ass cheese induced dreams/nightmares. Why was Craig trying to shit on her good times? Did he have a radar or something?  _Looks like Tweek’s enjoying herself, better go and shit all over it._

Craig took a bite out of  _her_ pizza, looking her dead in the eye as he did so. God, he was such an arsehole.

Tweek narrowed her eyes at him.

“Lulu, you best start getting ready, you don’t want to miss prom!” Her mom cooed, looking fondly at Craig, like he was the son she never had.

Oh great. So she was on board with ‘let’s shit on Tweek’ too. Had she forgotten that this was the same boy who had fucked her bareback a few weeks ago?

“I’m not going.” Tweek repeated, eyeing Craig warily.

Her mom tutted and put her hands on her hips, “Lulu, don’t be so ridiculous. Craig has bought your ticket, you have that beautiful dress upstairs and it’s your prom, for goodness sake.”

Tweek thought about arguing her case but what was her alternative? In both scenarios she’d have to endure Craig’s company for the night, as he had clearly won her mom over, so telling him to get the fuck out wouldn’t work… At least at the prom, the loud music would make it difficult for them to speak to each other. Maybe she could ask him to get her some un-spiked punch and then back door boogie as soon as his back was turned.

On the other hand, if she did go with Craig, how would people react? More specifically, how would Kyle react? It was bad enough that the whole school knew about why they had broken up, let alone her waltzing in with the reason himself. How would that make Kyle feel? She  _really_  couldn’t do that to him. Not least, because she couldn’t give Esther Stoley the fucking satisfaction of being right about her being selfish.

“I can’t do that to Kyle,” she voiced her thoughts out loud.

“Tallulah, in two weeks you’ll never have to see Kyle again. Now stop being fucking ridiculous and go and put your dress on.”

Tweek’s eyes widened in surprise at her mom’s words. She never used her full name or swore for that matter, so the bitch meant business. Craig was smirking his fucking stupid smirk at her, clearly revelling in the situation. He was going to get his own way.

Tweek finally sighed in defeat, “Give me twenty minutes,” she huffed out and her mom immediately reverted back to her 50s housewife persona with a perfect smile on her face.

Before Tweek exited the room, she walked up to Craig, getting ridiculously close to him. She paused and looked at him straight in the eye before leaning over and snatching a slice of pizza from the box.  She took a large, defiant bite out of it, her eyes never leaving his.

Craig licked his lips hungrily and it wasn’t for the pizza.

 

Thirty minutes later, Tweek made her appearance downstairs. She had impressed herself at the speed in which she had managed to get ready - she had even accomplished a smoky eye, complete with false eyelashes. Unfortunately, she didn’t have enough time to put her hair up, so she quickly curled it using her flat iron, silently thanking the Lord for the person who had invented GHDs.

God fucking bless you, hun.

Craig was still sat in the kitchen, waiting for her. He seemed to be in the middle of a deep conversation with her mom, and Tweek cringed, her mind wandering to what topic could possibly be so fascinating. Knowing her mom, they were probably discussing Tweek’s vagina or something.

Her mom abruptly stopped talking when Tweek entered the room and gasped at the sight of her daughter in her figure hugging, off the shoulder black gown, complete with slit up the side. Tweek had to admit, she did look fucking good.

She had declined to wear her favourite red bottoms in favour of open toe black stilettoes that gave her a few inches of much-needed height. She would probably be walking like John Wayne by the end of the evening, but that wasn’t a problem current Tweek was prepared to think about.

Craig turned his head to look at what Mrs Tweek could see and his eyes comically widened at the sight of her. He stared for far too long, like he was drinking in her body, and Tweek would be lying if she said her stomach didn’t almost fall out of her butt when he did it.

“Okay, so you ready?” She asked self-consciously. She didn’t like being gawked at by the pair of them. It was like she was on show or something. She felt like she should crack out into The Charleston.

“Oh Lulu! You look beautiful!” Her mom gushed over her and Tweek had to stop herself from rolling her eyes, as she realised her mom was on the brink of tears.

Craig got up from his seat and strolled over to her with a small package in his hands. Tweek cocked an eyebrow at him as he pulled out a matching corsage to his boutonniere and took hold of her wrist. Her arm tingled at his touch.

“Hold this,” he demanded, thrusting the empty container into the hand that wasn’t currently having a corsage tied to it. Tweek complied, watching as he tried to fix the flower to her wrist. She couldn’t help but smirk when he poked his tongue out in concentration. When it was securely in place, their eyes met and Tweek felt her cheeks growing hot.

Craig smiled at her, “Let’s go.”

“WAIT!” Mrs Tweek cried, causing Tweek to tear her eyes away from Craig and look at her mother who was waving her phone in her hand like a mad woman.

_Oh for god’s sake._

“Mom…no!” Tweek tried to protest.

“Lulu, if you think I’m going to let you leave the house without taking at least one photo, you are dreaming.”

Craig laughed and Tweek shot him a glare.

“Fine.” Tweek huffed in annoyance, folding her arms across her chest and plastering on a cheesy grin.

“Not here! In the hallway!” Her mom insisted, ushering them both out of the room where she positioned them in the centre of the double staircase.

The touch of Craig’s hand on her waist almost sent Tweek west, with the familiar nerve tingling sensation shooting through her body. What the fuck was going on and why was she just accepting that this was happening?

After about a billion and one photos, her mom finally let them go and Tweek quickly stalked outside, Craig in tow.

“Just so you know, we’re not dancing toge-“ For the second time that night, Tweek stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes falling on the car Craig was walking towards.

Her car.

 _That_ car.

Craig opened the passenger side door for her and looked up expectantly, waiting for Tweek to approach. When she didn’t he spoke up.

“I asked your mom for the keys. I got it out when you were getting ready.”

Tweek looked between him and the car and gently shook her head, silently telling Craig that she couldn’t get in it. She was surely going to freak out again.

Craig shot her a disappointed smile and nodded in understanding. He went to close the passenger door—

“—Wait!” Tweek shouted and Craig stopped to look at her.

 _It was just a car_ , she told herself.

 “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

“Well, you have to hand it to Wendy, she can certainly polish a turd,” Kyle grinned at Stan. They were at the refreshment tables, getting their dates punch, which, as everyone expected, had already been spiked with a hefty amount of vodka.

Stan looked around the unrecognisable gym, which had been transformed into a black and gold themed wonderland. A tulle canopy hung from the ceiling intertwined with a generous supply of fairy lights. The retractable-bleachers were against the walls and black fabric hung from the ceiling to cover them and give the room a teenage-friendly darkness. Huge balloon arches were positioned over the doorways and there was a gold carpet running from the entrance to the photography area. Elegant tables and chairs had been covered with expensive looking fabrics and the garish centrepieces consisted of large glass vases containing faux feathers in. There was a generous sized dance floor, taking up almost half of the room, and the DJ who had brought along a decent set of lights with him, was positioned on the makeshift stage, on a raised platform, like he was fucking Tiesto or something.

Stan had to agree, Wendy got shit done. Although he knew she wouldn’t have done any of the actual work. She would have simply ordered people about and swiped the school’s credit card. She would make a fantastic boss one day.

“Well…she’s definitely rolled it in glitter!” Stan shouted above the loud music.

They strolled back over to their dates who were stood awkwardly together and clearly not speaking. Taylor almost collapsed with relief at the sight of Stan and he met her ‘thank god you’re back face’ with a grin and mouthed ‘sorry’ in return. Esther wasn’t the most approachable person he had ever met.

“Where’s Marj?” Stan shouted to Taylor, handing her a cup of, let’s face it, was basically vodka. When he had left her, Marj and Kenny had been in attendance too, with Marj filling the silence for all parties involved.

Taylor took a long sip and pulled a disgusted face as she swallowed the harsh liquid, “A song came on that Kenny wanted to dance to!”

Stan chuckled, the song had been ‘It’s Like That’ by Run DMC…not exactly your most romantic of songs.

As if on cue, Kenny and Marj staggered back to them, looking like hot sweaty messes. Kenny had his tie secured firmly around his head and his shirt which was untucked, had four buttons undone, showing his naked chest…Stan didn’t know where the hell Kenny’s jacket was and they weren’t even an hour into the night.

He was just about to ask Kenny what the fuck had happened to him when Esther gasped loudly – so loudly that even Christina Aguilera’s ‘Dirrty’ couldn’t drown her out. He snapped his head over to where she was looking, as did the rest of the group, and his eyes almost fell out of his skull.

Craig Tucker and Tallulah Tweek had entered the room together, looking like a god damn celebrity couple. It was actually sickening how fucking good they looked. Stan glanced nervously at Kyle who was watching them silently with a face that Stan couldn’t quite make out. He couldn’t believe they had actually had the balls to come together… the fucking nerve of them! The only saving grace was that they weren’t holding hands…but they were definitely ‘together’. There was no doubt about that.

The group watched in stunned silence as they were ushered along the golden carpet to have their photo taken…which they did! Like….together!  Craig even had the audacity to put his hand around her fucking waist! Stan was angry. He was tamping, fuming, fucking raging.  _How dare they!?_

“Are they fucking serious!?” He spat, his eyebrows furrowing into an almighty scowl.

Kenny and Marj looked at each other uneasily. Marj had taken Kyle's side in the whole Team Kyle and Team Craig war…and Kenny had obviously taken Craig’s side, he just hadn’t been vocal about it. He had, however, bought a t-shirt from Cartman that he hoped to crack out at college when the dust had settled.

“I cannot believe she has the nerve to show her face,” Esther agreed, mimicking Stan’s scowl perfectly.

“I’m going to go over and tell them to leave.” Stan said, starting the journey across the room. Kyle placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.

“Don’t.”

“Kyle! It’s bad enough they’re here but to fucking come together and rub it in your face—“

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!” Stan protested. “I can’t believe he’s brought her!”

“I can.”

“Well… yeah… I  _can_  believe it because it’s  _him_  but still—“

“No, I mean….I told him to bring her.”

The group snapped their heads to look at Kyle who had just dropped an almighty bomb.

Stan did a double take at Kyle - surely he had misheard him? “What?”

“I told him to bring her.” Kyle repeated. Stan looked at Kenny who simply shrugged in confusion.

“Why!?”

“Because,”  Kyle paused, breathing in deeply. His eyes were still trained on the Hollywood couple, who had finished having their photo taken and were walking over to where Token and Nichole were standing.

“Because they love each other.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to dance or something?”  Craig asked her about 20 minutes into the night.

Tweek glanced to her side, to look at him, “Not with you,” she stated harshly. Tweek was pretty sure her and Craig cracking out the Macarena would go down like a fucking lead balloon. It’s bad enough that they had strolled in with each other. The looks they had received had not gone unnoticed and Tweek felt horrendously self-conscious. Also, did Craig even dance? She couldn’t imagine him busting a move and making a fool out of himself. He seemed to be too cool to participate in such pedestrian activities.

Craig raised his eyebrows in mild amusement at her response but didn’t press her further.

They had exhausted Token and Nichole’s company, making small talk and avoiding the dance floor. Unfortunately, Token and Nichole actually did want to dance together and were currently throwing all kinds of shapes. Tweek and Craig stood awkwardly at the side, watching them.

“I’d offer you some punch but it’s basically vodka,” Craig said, trying to make small talk with her (since when did Craig make small talk?), “And we know what happened last time,” he mused.

“Heh.” Tweek voiced at Craig’s attempt of a joke. Had it always been this awkward? God it was awkward.

“Here he is! Here’s the Prom King!” Kenny McCormick called out, emerging from the dance floor with Marj in tow.

Craig rolled his eyes but smiled all the same. Everyone seemed to think it was a given he would be crowned king. He hoped to Christ he wouldn’t, as he had a feeling that Wendy would be ‘his’ queen and he would rather fucking die than have to dance with her.

“You look fucking delicious, babe,” Kenny grinned, launching himself at Craig for a hug. Craig tried to shake him off but the blonde still managed to keep one arm around his shoulder, “Tink, you don’t look too bad yourself!”

Tweek smiled sheepishly and looked down at the ground. She hadn’t spoken to Marj since their argument and she couldn’t bear to be in her presence, knowing that Marj hated her.

“You look stunning, Tweek,” Marj said kindly, and Tweek lifted her head to meet Marj’s gaze. “I’m really glad you came,” Marj continued, shooting her one of her genuine smiles.

Tweek couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face at her friend’s words, nor the feeling of relief cascading through her body. Everything was going to be okay. Marj didn’t hate her after all.

“So, are we dancing or what?” Marj demanded cheekily and Tweek nodded, grinning like a lunatic.

Marj took her hand and led her through the crowd, leaving Kenny and Craig alone.

“Well, I dunno about prom king and queen but you would definitely win the hottest couple award,” Kenny chirped, watching his girlfriend drag her best friend onto the crowded dance floor.

Craig said nothing, his eyes trained on Tallulah who was laughing and dancing like nobody was watching.

“Anyway, I thought you were banned?” Kenny mused.

“I was. Broflovski pulled some strings.” Craig shrugged. Kyle hadn’t exactly pulled strings, he had, for some unknown reason, confessed to Principal Jackson that it was he who had thrown the first punch and Craig had covered for him because he knew he wanted to be valedictorian. Mr Jackson had commended Kyle for his honesty, had granted Craig permission to attend the prom and had allowed Kyle to keep with valedictorian title, as he admired Kyle’s integrity.

“Jesus Christ. _And_ he gave you his blessing?” Kenny continued, grabbing Craig’s cup out of his hand and taking a big gulp, “Fuck…is this…that’s just vodka,” he grimaced.

Craig smirked, “He did.”

“Does she know?”

“No.” Tallulah had no idea that Kyle had told Craig to bring her and Craig hadn’t told her because he wanted her to go with him because she _wanted_ to, not just because she felt like she should because Kyle had said so.

 “That was pretty decent of him.”

Craig nodded, “It was.”

****

When Kyle had showed up at his house, Craig was pretty certain he was back for round two or something and he prepared himself to take another fist to the face.

“You should take Tallulah to the prom,” The redhead had said to him and if Craig had been sitting, he would have fallen off his chair.

_What the fuck._

“What?” Craig had replied gormlessly.

“I told Mr Jackson it was me and he’s letting you go. So…you should go. And you should take her.”

“Why?”

Kyle rolled his eyes, “Don’t make me say it.”

Craig paused as Kyle’s words sunk in. He had been the reason after all.

He shook his head, “She won’t go with me.”

“Then you should make her.”

Craig sighed, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because. Because… I don’t want to be the reason that you miss out on your prom. I don’t want to be _that_ guy.”

“Oh.”

“Plus…” Kyle swallowed hard, “She loves you.”

Craig didn’t reply, he simply stared at him unable to comprehend how hard it must have been for him to say that.

Kyle shot him a tight-lipped smile. “Take good care of her,” he had said and then he left with Craig still standing in his doorway, watching him go.

*****

“So, like are you, are you together now?” Kenny asked hopefully.

“No.”

“Oh,” Kenny said. Taking another gulp of the drink and grimacing again. “So, who do you think will win prom king and queen?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.”

“Well, obviously you’re gonna be king, we’ve all voted for you,” Kenny grinned, “But the girls, it’s anyone’s game, since Wendy hasn’t got a fucking chance.”

Craig shot Kenny a confused look, “What do you mean?”

“Dude, she’s come with Cartman. Heidi’s fucking seething. No one in their right mind would vote for her.”

Craig looked around the room, searching for the usual sight of Cartman’s large mass. He found it easily, next to the punch table and there she was, Wendy Testaburger, standing right beside him, holding onto him possessively. “Shit.” He voiced in surprise.

“I know, right? If you look closely, you can still see the shiner Heidi gave her when she found out that Cartman had asked her.”

Craig started laughing, as he saw that Wendy had tried to mask her wound with a black smoky eye and way too much highlighter. She had failed miserably.

“So, what are you going to do?” Kenny grinned, turning back to face Craig.

Craig bit his lip, his attention returning to the blonde girl on the dance floor, “I don’t know.”

“Jesus Christ, Craig. It’s not hard and we’re all getting really fucking sick of the whole Ross and Rachel, will they, won’t they act. Like seriously. Just sort it out.”

“I’m going to!” Craig shouted in defence, “I like….I have a plan, okay?”

“ _YOU_  have a plan?!” Kenny’s grin widened if that was possible. He looked like the Cheshire cat, “Craig Tucker actually has a plan?!”

Craig nodded stiffly in embarrassment.

“Good, I can’t wait to see what it is….you know, as long as it isn’t requesting some fucking cheesy song and asking her to dance with y—“ Kenny stopped abruptly seeing Craig’s crestfallen expression and realising that that was exactly his plan, “Not that….not that, that  _wouldn’t_ work, I mean—“

Craig glared at him.

“Stop talking, Kenny.”

 

 

* * *

 

At nine thirty, the principal made his way onto the stage to announce the highly anticipated Prom King and Queen.

Tweek had spent the best part of an hour dancing and was quite hot and a little bit sweaty. She had been relieved to see that most of her other friends had seemingly forgiven her for being a hussy and had welcomed her into their dance circle. Millie had practically dragged her over to them when the Cha Cha Slide began and they all shot her a warm smile…everyone but Esther that is. Tweek couldn’t care less though and enjoyed getting funky with them, although she still couldn’t bring herself to look at Kyle.

 “I’ll try and keep this short,” The principle began and the crowd fell silent almost instantaneously, “The votes have been counted and verified. So, without further ado, your Prom King is…” he paused dramatically and carefully opened the golden envelope which Mr Hammond had handed him. The crowd all made “oooooooooo” sounds to exaggerate the tension.

Mr Jackson leaned into the microphone.

 

 

“Kenneth McCormick.”

The crowd erupted into loud cheering – Marj practically screamed in Tweek’s face and grabbed her arm in surprise. They both turned to look at Kenny who was stood staring at the stage dumbfounded - tie still firmly fixed to his head. Craig, Token and Clyde all took turns in ruffling his hair and jabbing him in the sides.

 “ME?!” Kenny shouted, like he really couldn’t believe that he was number one for once.

“Yes, Mr McCormick, you,” Mr Jackson reiterated into the microphone, clearly amused by the boy’s reaction.

Kenny ripped the tie off his head and threw it at Craig, as he darted for the makeshift stage, which looked like it could collapse at any given minute. When the crown and sash were securely in place, Kenny did a walk around the stage like he was Miss America, waving at the crowd and blowing kisses. Tweek thought they should have probably given him the tiara instead.

Mr Jackson shot Kenny a tight-lipped smile, waiting for him to finish his lap of honour and for the crowd to die down, before he spoke again, “And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for.”

Kenny shot an offended look at the principal who was gingerly opening the second envelope, as if he _was_ the only moment that mattered.

“Your Prom Queen is…” He paused again but this time it was for far too long and Tweek thought he must have taken inspiration from The X-Factor or something. Jesus Christ, mate, it was only prom….calm down.

“I swear to god, if it’s Bebe Stevens, I’m leaving,” Marj hissed into her ear and Tweek giggled, turning to look over to where Wendy and Bebe were standing.

Wendy was puffing out her tits, ready to hear her name being called and Tweek hated her that little bit more for being so presumptuous. They caught each other’s eyes and Wendy gave Tweek a filthy scowl just as Mr Jackson leaned into the microphone again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Marjory Stotch.”

The crowd erupted into another round of loud cheers and someone, Tweek thinks was Heidi Turner, screamed, “YES!” far too loudly. Tweek’s eyes were still fixed on Wendy as Marj’s name was revealed and she took great pleasure in watching Wendy’s scowl turn into a look of horrified surprise. Tweek quickly snapped her head back to her best friend, who was stood frozen to her spot with her mouth comically hanging open.

“Marj! Marj!” Tweek grinned,  jabbing her in her side and snapping Marj out of her trance.

“It’s you!” Tweek grinned at her, but Marj just stared at her in disbelief, unable to process her words and still none the wiser that she had just been crowned Prom Queen.

“MARJ! GO!” Tweek gave her a gentle push towards the stage. It was only then that Marj seemed to realise what the fuck was going on and she scrambled to the front, the crowd parting for her like Moses parting the Red Sea.

Kenny was beaming at her, full of pride as the tiara was placed onto her head and the sash thrown over her shoulder. Marj didn’t opt to do a victory walk like Kenny had done,  instead she shyly went over to stand next to her boyfriend who thought it would be a good idea to pull her into an embrace and practically eat her face off, much to the dismay of Mr Jackson who warned, “That’s enough, Kenneth” into the microphone. Kenny pulled away and put his hands up in surrender whilst Marj stood, looking like a deer in headlights, red lipstick smudged all over her face and tiara already askew.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please make some noise for your prom king and queen!”

The whole room erupted into loud cheers, whooping and whistling, as Kenny and Marj stood hand in hand, grinning like a pair of lunatics.

After several photos (many which Craig had to take on his phone, following  Kenny’s hysterical orders at him) they made their way to the dance floor, for the traditional prom king and queen dance, as everyone formed a circle around them, acting like it was their first dance at their wedding. The song was  _The Time Of My Life_  from Dirty Dancing and after starting off slowly, Kenny and Marj burst into an energetic routine that they had clearly practised at home. Tweek wondered, for the briefest of seconds, if it had all been a set up. However, those thoughts were quickly pushed aside and she enjoyed clapping along with the rest of the crowd as the couple brought the house down. She was insanely happy for them.

“God, I wish I had someone who looked at me the way he looks at her,” Tweek overheard Monica Ryland sigh to Heidi Turner.

“Right? They are the definition of couple goals,” Heidi agreed.

Tweek smiled at their words, watching as the couple attempted to perform the iconic lift from the movie, but bottling it at the last minute, and executing a much, much easier version which involved Marj wrapping her legs around Kenny’s waist and being spun around.

Tweek’s eyes wandered around the circle and they fell on Kyle’s who just so happened to be looking at her at that moment.

The horrid sensation of nervous pins and needles shooting through her body made her avert her gaze quickly to the opposite side of the circle. Unfortunately, they landed on the blue eyes of Craig Tucker who was openly staring at her.

Fuck.

Was there nowhere safe for her eyeballs to go?!

In the end, Tweek decided to look down at the ground, as unless there was a midget in attendance who she had wronged, her eyeballs would be safe.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So, what’s going on with you and Craig?” Marj asked, helping herself to a generous amount of punch.

Tweek followed her lead but almost gagged upon tasting the vile liquid which was definitely more vodka than anything else. One day, she might be able to enjoy a fucking glass of unspiked punch. Luckily, someone had cracked out the bottles of water, and Tweek snatched one desperately – her thirst from dancing too great to ignore.

Tweek took a long swig of the water before replying, “Fuck all,” she said.

Marj shot her an inquisitive look, “But you came together?”

“Poor choice of words there, Marj.”

“You know what I mean,” Marj giggled.

“Yeah, well…I didn’t have a choice. He showed up at my house on the one night my mom was actually home.” Tweek’s mom had been home a lot more recently. It was like she knew her daughter was going through a shit time and needed her. They never discussed it but Tweek was so grateful that she was there. Because sometimes, you just needed your mom.

“Oh!” Marj voiced in understanding and Tweek could tell she was a bit relieved to have the confirmation that her best friend wasn’t as heartless as she thought.

“Yeah…you know my mom actually used the ‘f word’?”

Marj, who had met the Stepford housewife ample times before spat her drink out, and it wasn’t because of the vodka, “No fucking way.”

“Way.”

“Why!?”

“I said that I couldn’t do it to Kyle and she basically told me to get a fucking grip.”

Marj’s face fell slightly at the mention of Kyle’s name.

Fuck. Tweek shouldn’t have said anything. Why did she even have to mention his name?

Tweek thought she had royally fucked the reconciliation before it had even begun, as Marj went uncharacteristically quiet and Tweek was at a loss what to say. Luckily, Marj broke the silence before Tweek spontaneously combusted.

“Kyle…Kyle actually told Craig to bring you.”

Tweek furrowed her eyebrows, completely confused, “What?”

“He told Craig to bring you,” Marj repeated, shrugging sheepishly.

“Why!?”

“He um… he said that you…” Marj paused, biting her lip nervously, as if she didn’t want to say what she was going to say, “He said that you loved each other and he didn’t want to stand in the way.”

Tweek blinked at Marj, “He really said that?”

Marj nodded and Tweek fell silent in thought. She couldn’t believe Kyle had done that. She thought he hated her. If she was Kyle, she would hate her. She deserved to be hated for what she had done to him, not rewarded.

“So…is it true? Do you, like….love him?”

Tweek licked her lips nervously and looked away from her best friend. After a while, she reluctantly nodded her head in gentle confirmation.

Because, as much as she would like to deny her feelings for the boy, unfortunately, she did love him.

She loved Craig Tucker.

 

* * *

 

 

There was about half an hour left of the evening when the slow songs began. By that point, many of the party goers had already bailed on the evening to head to one of the after parties. Token’s was by far the most popular choice but no one could leave until the host himself did, and he was too busy  dancing to _‘I don’t want to miss a thing’_ by Aerosmith with Nichole.

Marj had bailed on Tweek to dance with Kenny, meaning that the blonde had no choice but to hover awkwardly at the sides. She could leave but that would mean driving  _that_ car and she wasn’t there yet. Plus, it wasn’t like she was having a terrible time, and like…it would be rude not to say goodbye to Craig…wouldn’t it?

“You having fun?”

The sudden sound of Kyle’s raised voice startled Tweek enough to give her a mini heart attack and she comically shouted “Jesus Christ!” at the top of her voice.

When she had recovered from being scared half to death, she shot him a shy smile, unable to maintain eye contact with him for more than a few fleeting seconds.

“Hi,” she uttered.

 “Hi,” Kyle replied.

They stood together awkwardly, as Steven Tyler belted out quite possibly one of the most romantic songs in the history of the world.

Tweek could not handle the situation.

“You look beautiful—“ “Kyle I’m sorry—“ They said in unison.

“I’m sorry,” Tweek repeated, ignoring the fact that Kyle had just tried to tell her she looked beautiful, “I’m so sorry.”

Kyle smiled kindly at her, “I know.”

Tweek returned his smile, somewhat solemnly, as she didn’t think a cheesy grin would be an appropriate reaction, even though she was relieved that he was speaking to her and had seemingly forgiven her.

“I’m glad you came,” he shouted over the music just as he was almost taken out by a worried-looking Taylor.

“Kyle! Oh thank god! Stan’s fucking wasted and I don’t know what to do!” She shouted desperately, pointing over to the table where Stan was slumped at. The three of them looked over at just the right moment, as Stan slid off his chair, bringing the contents of  the table down with him. The sound of smashed glass briefly sounded over Steven Tyler’s warbling.

Kyle rolled his eyes, his reaction a sign that he had dealt with a drunken Stan way too many times before, “Oh, Jesus Christ.” He hissed, walking in the direction of his inebriated friend.

“Do you need some help?” Tweek asked, as Kyle was still within earshot.

Kyle stopped to look at her, “No, that’s okay,” he began, his eyes shifting to focus on something over her shoulder, “You should…you should go and dance,” he said, his eyes returning back to hers.

He smiled at her one final time before hurrying off with Taylor.

Tweek turned around to see what Kyle had been looking at and found Craig stood behind her. She jumped a little bit at how close he was.

“Hey,” he said, in his effortless way of speaking.

“Hey,” she replied, biting her lip nervously.

The next song came on and it was an equally romantic tune,  _‘Always’_ by Bon Jovi.

They stood awkwardly next to each other watching the couples swaying on the dance floor. Tweek had her arms folded across her chest protectively. What she was protecting herself from, she didn’t really know.

“Oh good. They’re playing my song.” Craig stated impassively, with the straightest face imaginable.

Tweek cocked her eyebrow at him, as the vocals kicked in.

 _This Romeo is bleeding But you can’t see his blood_  
_It's nothing but some feelings_  
_That this old dog kicked up_  
_It's been raining since you left me_  
_Now I'm drowning in the flood_  
_You see I've always been a fighter_  
_But without you I give up_

 Craig nudged her on the arm, “Dance with me?”

Tweek looked at him sceptically, “To  _Always_ ….really?” she smirked.

 “It’s a good song!” Craig protested, with only the slightest hint of a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

Tweek bit her lip. What did she have to lose?

“Fine.”

Craig took her hand and led her onto the dance floor. He placed his hands on her waist,  so Tweek instinctively put hers on his shoulders. It was a good job she was wearing fucking heels or she wouldn’t have been able to reach.

They began swaying awkwardly. Everything seemed to be awkward between them. Tweek was trying to look at everything but Craig, her eyes darting away as soon as they would catch his.

 _What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair_  
_Touch your lips, to hold you near,_  
_When you say your prayers, try to understand_  
_I've made mistakes, I'm just a man_

 _When he holds you close, when he pulls you near_  
_When he says the words_  
_You've been needing to hear, I'll wish I was him_  
_'Cause these words are mine, to say to you_  
_'Til the end of time_

Tweek tried hard not to listen to the lyrics, to the significance of them. But it was pretty hard not to.

“You look really beautiful.”

She looked up at Craig upon hearing his words to find him staring intently at her. “Thanks,” she said sheepishly but she didn’t look away, “You don’t look too shabby yourself.”

Craig smiled and Tweek cringed into herself. She wished she thought things through before saying them.

“Tallulah I…I  meant what I said to you.”

Tweek’s heart starting hammering in her chest upon hearing Craig’s words, knowing what he was about to say to her.

 “I’m in love with you.”

And then he kissed her.

Oh god. He kissed her.

 _And I will love you, baby_  
_Always_  
_And I’ll be there_  
_For ever and a day_  
_Always_

It was too cheesy for words but for some reason Tweek wasn’t bothered at the absolute cringe-fest and melted into the kiss, never wanting it to end. It wasn’t awkward at all.

When they finally pulled away, they were both panting hard. Craig lent his forehead against hers for a while, absorbing what had just transpired.

He finally lifted his head away looking deep into her eyes, “Tallulah, can’t we give it another shot?” He pleaded.

Tweek looked off to the side, “You’re going to college, Craig.”

“And? Why does that matter?”

Tweek’s eyes found his once again, “Because….it does. Of course it matters--”

“—It doesn’t have to. We can make it work.”

“And what happens when you get bored of me?”

“Impossible.”

“Seriously Craig, what happens when you don’t want me anymore?” Because surely there would come a time when Craig didn’t want her anymore. He had dropped her once before who’s to say he wouldn’t do it again?

“What if you get bored of me? What happens when you don’t want me anymore?” Craig protested.

Tweek looked taken aback. She hadn’t even considered the possibility that she would get bored of him, because she wouldn’t get bored of him.

“I won’t get bored of you, Tallulah, I’ll always want you.” He said.

“You don’t know that! How could you possibly know that?” Tweek questioned exasperatedly, “Also, I’m not ignoring the fact that you’ve just quoted the song.”

Craig smirked, “Yeah okay, you’re right, I don’t know that.”

“Exactly!”

“But you could say that about anything!” Craig protested. “What are you so afraid of?”

 _Everything_  she thought to herself. She was scared of how strongly she felt for him. She was scared of what would happen when they finished school. She was scared of trusting him, knowing that he was capable of hurting her. She was scared of it all.

But she didn’t tell him any of that. She simply shrugged instead.

“Tallulah, if you never took any chances, life would be pretty fucking boring.”

Tweek smiled, “I like boring.”

“Then be boring with me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“How is it not?”

Tweek bit her lip again and looked at him, thinking about everything they had gone through together. Did the good outweigh the bad? Would it be worth it?

“Craig….I…I don’t want…you really fucking hurt me.”

Craig nodded slowly, his eyes still fixed firmly on hers. At some point, the song had changed to what the DJ had announced was the second to last song of the evening – another slow song and a prom classic, _Time After Time._ They started swaying to the music again.

“I know and I’m sorry, and I’ll never stop trying to make it up to you, if you give me just one more try – I promise. I know I’ve made mistakes—“

“Will you stop quoting  _Always_ —“

“--But I’m just a man.” Craig finished, biting back a smirk.

Tweek hated herself for the smile that spread across her face, “God, you’re such a dick.”

“If I remember correctly, you’re quite fond of dick.”

Tweek cringed in the best possible way, smirking hard at the memory, “I honestly hate you sometimes.”

“Aww. I thought you loved me?”

Tweek felt her cheeks instantly grow hot, “You know I do.”

Craig stopped swaying abruptly, throwing his arms up in despair, “Tallulah, this is fucking exhausting. Will you just be my fucking girlfriend already?”

Tweek inhaled deeply, her emerald eyes not leaving his ocean blue ones.

“Yes or no, Tallulah…no if’s or but’s or—“

Tweek scrunched her eyes together, “Don’t say it—“

“Coconuts,” Craig grinned.

Tweek fought hard to conceal her smirk but she failed miserably, “And you say I’m a dork?”

“Yes or no, Tallulah,” Craig repeated sternly, refusing to indulge her in any other conversation.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll be your girlfriend.”

“That isn’t a yes or a no, Lulu.”

“Are you serious?!”

“Deadly.”

Tweek huffed out a sigh in irritation, “YES! YES! I’ll be your fucking girlfriend, okay?” she shouted at him.

Craig grinned, “Alright, Lulu, calm down, you don’t have to beg.”

“I swear to god, Craig…” But Tweek didn’t get to finish her sentence, as Craig shut her up with another kiss.

The DJ’s voice rung out into the half-empty gym, announcing that it was time for the final song of the evening and Fun’s ‘ _We Are Young_ ’ began blasting out of the speakers.

The sound of Kenny McCormick’s voice was enough to make Tweek pull away from Craig like she’d just been burnt, “Jesus Christ! Get a room!” he screamed at them and Tweek flushed crimson with embarrassment. Craig on the other hand, simply grinned mischievously, his hands still on her waist possessively.

“Come on, dickhead, it’s the last song of the night. Dance with me,” Kenny pleaded with his best friend and Craig nodded, finally releasing Tweek and instead holding his hand out to Kenny.

Kenny, who Tweek realised, had switched his crown for Marj’s tiara and was proudly sporting the ‘Prom Queen’ sash to boot, grabbed it eagerly, yanking Craig close to him. They began waltzing around the floor together and it didn’t surprise Tweek at all that Craig was the ‘lead’.

“Are they always like this?” Tweek grinned at Marj who had appeared at her side, sporting Kenny’s crown and sash.

“Sadly, yes. I should be jealous. I wish Kenny would look at me the way he looks at Craig.”

Tweek smirked, remembering Heidi and Monica’s words. They stood watching their boyfriends owning the dance floor and Tweek couldn’t help but feel a little bit sentimental. Although, she hadn’t been at the school long, she had met some wonderful people who she would really miss when they all went their separate ways. Not least, Marj.

“Dance with me?” Tweek asked, holding her hand out to her best friend.

Marj grinned at her, taking her hand and saying, in her best British accent, “Oh darling, I thought you’d never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this fic :)
> 
> If you want to ask me shit about it, I'm Guestswithoutbags on Tumblr :D


	21. Epilogue - Thelma and Louise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Michael Jackson once said, this is it.
> 
> Thank you to every single person who has supported this fic. From my day one huns to the July bandwagon jumpers, each and every one of you get two massive thumbs up from me.
> 
> Thank you for every kudos, every comment and every critique. Not to mention the fan art that has been made by amazingly talented people - just wow. I'm fucking blown away.
> 
> I know it sounds like I'm giving an Oscars speech but I am completely overwhelmed by the support I received. It isn't a popular genre and I know I fucked a lot of people off making Tweek a girl and Craig straight but I hope you've enjoyed it...because I certainly have.

It was August, the height of summer and Tweek and Craig were where they had spent most of the holidays – in bed, although, they seldom slept in it.

The new school year was fast approaching and Craig’s imminent departure for college was looming. The thought of not being able to see each other every day had hit them both hard and to compensate, they had spent every waking moment together. Anyone would think Craig was going off to fight in the war, let alone  _just_ college.

It wasn’t like they would never see each other again. They had already planned the dates of Tweek’s visits to Michigan and flights had already been booked and paid for.  _But still._  Even the thought of going one day without each other may as well have been a fucking eternity.

They had tried not to think about it. They had tried their best to make the most of their summer together. And they had done. They really had. Well...okay....so some plans had been thrown out of the window due to  _other_ things...other things that came in the form of getting hot and heavy with each other. Trips to the zoo and theme parks got cancelled, and they never really did watch any of the movies they went to see at the cinema. It wasn't their fault...they just...they just couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Every day seemed to be like Groundhog Day. They would start off with the best intentions and with a solid plan of how they were going to spend their day. Unfortunately (or very, fortunately depending on the activity) they wouldn't even make it out of the front door before  _it_ happened. All it took was one touch or one kiss and then Craig would get  _that_ look in his eye which would cause Tweek to bite her bottom lip in anticipation, and before they knew it, they would be naked, going at it like rabbits, with a trip to Denver Zoo the last thing on their fucking minds.

They fucked.

They fucked a lot. 

They fucked in Tweek’s bed, on her kitchen counters, the huge sofa in her lounge, in the guest rooms, and on her parent’s bed.

One time, they hadn’t even managed to make it to the first floor, choosing to do it right there, on her stairs instead. It had been messy, awkward and painful, but oh so hot. Tweek would still tell you that the carpet burns on her arse cheeks were worth it. Because they were  _so_ worth it – even if it meant that she couldn’t sit down for a week.

She was pretty sure her parents suspected that her and Craig had begun experimenting with anal due to her inability to take a seat without wincing. Those thoughts were confirmed when Tweek had come home one day to find one of her parent’s sexy packages waiting for her, but instead of the regular supply of lube and condoms, this one came with the added bonus of a modest butt plug in. She had hidden it out of sight in her closet, not wanting Craig to get any ideas…unless of course he wanted to stick it up his own arse. She would have been down for that. She would have told him to knock himself out. It wasn't like she was a prude or anything. In fact, Tweek had become steadily more confident in the bedroom, agreeing to some of Craig’s kinks like dressing up, some light bondage and, of course, outdoor sex.

It had only happened the one time, at Stark’s Pond, in Craig’s Mustang. Tweek knew she wasn’t the first girl to have been in this position…quite literally, but she still found it to be a turn on, thinking they were being oh so risqué exhibitionists. Like… _anyone_  could have seen them!

Maybe it hadn't been the cleverest of ideas to get bollock naked; maybe they should have thought things through. But in the heat of the moment, it seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn't until another car had pulled up opposite them and started flashing its lights, that car sex had lost all its appeal. 

What a complete boner killer.

Tweek had never seen Craig move so fast in his life, as he scrambled to get dressed (condom still attached to his dick), thinking it was surely the po-po, ready to arrest them for public indecency. In his haste, Craig had mistakenly grabbed Tweek's tank top and Tweek just shoved his far too large Adidas t-shirt over herself without asking questions. Neither of them bothered correcting the mistake and instead, just sat there panting, scared shitless, waiting to be handcuffed. 

The windows were steamed up to fuck, like that scene in the Titanic, making it horrendously obvious what they had been doing. There was no way, they were going to get away with it. What other excuse could they possibly give?

When a hand knocked on the window, Tweek had let out a yelp, slapping her hands to her mouth to try and conceal her fear. Craig tried to play cool, in his tanktop/crop top, putting the window down, ready to ask the officer if there was a problem.

But as it turned out, it wasn't the cops at all. Instead, they were met with a much older couple that were out ‘dogging’ and wanted to know if they were game?

No. Fuck no. No. No. NO.

“What!?” Craig had shouted in disbelief at the question – perhaps he hadn’t quite heard the elderly man before him. Maybe he hadn’t just offered the pair of them a front row seat to watch his equally elderly wife get nailed. Maybe he was asking for directions to the nearest gas station? When the man repeated his question, however, Craig had definitely understood what he was getting at. But instead of telling the guy to ‘fuck off,’ Craig had actually replied with, “Um…no, thank you…sorry,” -  like he needed to apologise for not wanting to watch or participate in some geriatric casual sex.

Tweek couldn’t help but laugh. The situation was just too fucking funny. She didn't stop laughing all night - much to the dismay of Craig who _really_ couldn’t laugh about it. Even being sat in a tank top with his midriff out couldn’t elicit a lol from him.

They didn’t try to have outdoor sex again after that.

 “Do you remember the first time we spoke?” Tweek asked, drawing inkless patterns into Craig’s stomach with her fingers.

They were naked which was a common occurrence and Tweek was draped on Craig, her head resting on his chest.

Craig was absentmindedly stroking her hair like he always did, like Tweek was a cat or something. Not that she minded.

 “Um…yeah. It was at our lockers, wasn’t it?”

Tweek smiled. She was happy that he remembered the event. Boys weren’t like girls. They weren’t as sentimental about shit as girls were. Like, Tweek would rather die than admit to Craig that she had started a ‘memories box’ of things they had done together. Because it was mental. Who the hell keeps a McDonald’s receipt and a dried out corsage with a completely dead rose on? He was lucky she hadn’t fished one of his used condoms out of the bin and pinned it to her noticeboard.

She had it  _bad_  for him.

“Yeah… I thought you were a vampire,” she said casually.

Craig’s hand stopped stroking her hair.

“Why!?” He demanded, his voice filled with uncertainty. It was a good job he already accepted how weird she was.

“I was even going to stab you in the leg with my car key,” Tweek continued, as if that would clear up any confusion.

“Why the leg? Shouldn’t it be the heart?”

Tweek’s smile widened at Craig’s questions. He hadn’t pressed why she was going to stab him in the leg nor why on earth she thought he was a vampire in the first place. Instead, he just accepted it and asked her why she hadn’t thought to aim for the heart instead, as that’s how one would kill a vampire.

Tweek shifted to look up at him, “Well, I didn’t think my car key would reach.”

“Right,” he smirked at her and Tweek’s stomach did a back handspring into the splits. She was obsessed with his smile. It made her forget her own name. Not that she could ever forget it. Not when your parents had named you Tit.

“What did you think of me?” Tweek blurted out. It was something she had always wanted to know. Why was she was the girl who had finally bagged Craig Tucker?

“Well, I first noticed you in Biology and I thought you were really pretty.”

Tweek smiled up at him shyly. Okay, he thought she was pretty. That was a good start.

“Pretty but really geeky,” Craig confirmed and Tweek shoved him playfully. “That backpack, though.”

Tweek threw him a fake-annoyed glare. She loved her Hogwarts backpack. He was lucky it had been the generic Hazza P one and not her dedicated Hufflepuff backpack that said, ‘Every day I’m Huffling’ on. He definitely would have written her off for that.

“But then I saw you banging your head against your locker and I thought you were fucking mental.” He concluded, still smirking his stupid smirk at her, waiting for her to hit him again.

Tweek recoiled, remembering the moment like it was yesterday.

“Ahhh….so you saw that?”

Craig nodded, still smirking.

“I still think you’re mental…but…you know, in a good way,” he said, his arms tightening around her.

Tweek cocked an eyebrow at him, “Well I’m still not convinced that you’re _not_ a vampire…so there we go.”

They smiled at each other and Craig took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. She resisted the urge to bend his fingers back and shout ‘PEANUTS’ in his face, not wanting to ruin the moment, because it felt like they were definitely having a moment.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Tweek nervously asked Craig who was staring at her in that weird way again. Like he was about to eat her. Fuck. Where were her car keys?!

Craig let out a light sigh, “I’m just really happy,” he said, squeezing her hand gently.

Was that an invitation for a game of peanuts? Probably not. He was probably just trying to be sentimental and shit.

Craig was sentimental…Tweek was just…well mental.

“Oh,” Tweek replied, smiling back at him and thinking to herself that even if he was a vampire, she would still want to be with him.

“Me too.”

 

* * *

 

The day had arrived for Craig to leave for Michigan. They had decided to take Tweek's Ford and make it into a road trip. Craig would drive there and Tweek would drive back, alone. Just her and the open highway. It would be the first time she would drive the car and after several self-pep talks, she was ready. Well, she thought she was ready. She already had a plan b of abandoning the car on the side of the road and taking the world’s most expensive Uber back to South Park in case she couldn’t face it. Fuck it. It was only money.

She was sat on his bed, watching him fly around his room, cramming stuff into bags and suitcases. They needed to leave soon if they had any hope of sticking to the schedule. They were supposed to get to Craig’s earlier, so that he could pack. But you know... Netflix and Chill had prevented that from happening.

"Are you really taking your Red Racer DVDs?” She mused, extracting the case from one of his bags.

“Hey! It’s a classic!” Craig protested, emptying the contents of his sock drawer into the bag.

“And you say **_I’M_ ** the geek,” Tweek smiled, putting it back into the bag.

Craig spent the next ten minutes reeling off items off the top of his head, hoping Tweek would notice if he had forgotten something.

“Oh shit!” Tweek gasped in alarm.

“WHAT!?” Craig shouted in panic, his head scanning around the room desperately for missed items.

“You forgot the kitchen sink!” She dead-panned and Craig rolled his eyes.

“Aha. You’re hilarious.”

Tweek smirked, “I try.”

“Craig honey, you need to get going,” Laura Tucker had appeared in the doorway, “You don’t want to miss orienteering.”

“It’s orientation, Mom,” Craig said, cringing at his mom’s stupidity.

Tweek stifled a laugh, imagining Craig with a compass and a map, hightailing it around campus.

“Yes, well you don’t want to miss it!” Laura said indignantly. She didn’t like looking the fool in front of her son’s girlfriend.

“Jesus, we’re going!” Craig huffed out like a typical teenager, forgetting that he wouldn’t be seeing his parents until Thanksgiving.

Tweek shot her a sympathetic smile. She liked Laura a lot. She had been kind to her and hadn’t judged her, unlike Sheila Broflovski. It did help that Tweek hadn’t worn any offensive t-shirts around the Tuckers, planning out her outfits carefully whenever she knew she would be in their presence. She had seemingly won them over. Even Tricia who had been wary of her at first had fast become a fan. Tweek had given her some of her old designer dresses – partly as a bribe and partly because she had way too many. She had also promised her that she could have some of her shoes when she was older. She didn’t think giving a pair of six-inch Louboutin stilettos to a 12 year old was a good idea. That would probably be worse than the people equal shit incident.

They were known as hooker heels after all.  


* * *

 

Tweek was staring at the various boxes of cereal before her unable to decide on which diabetes-inducing variety she should go for. She used to love Lucky Charms but she couldn’t have them anymore, because she was a stupid vegetarian and the marshmallows contained gelatin in them. She was fuming. Why did society have to shit on everyone’s good times? Even things such as fucking marshmallows had to have animal carcass in them. It was bad enough that half of the good make up brands were off limits to her due to their cruel ways, let alone fucking marshmallows.

Tweek scanned the shelf, her eyes flitting from cartoon character to cartoon character. _Maybe she could just get Rice Krispies_ …she thought as she lifted the box from the shelf. It had been a while since she had enjoyed the snap, crackle, and pop of the--

“Hello, stranger.”

The familiar voice of Kyle Broflovski sounded suddenly and Tweek leaped about three foot in the air, letting go of the box she was holding - it was a miracle she hadn’t thrown it at him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Kyle grinned, once Tweek had recovered. He leaned down to retrieve the cereal and Tweek couldn’t help but think he had known exactly how she would have reacted. Did he not remember the locker confetti?!

"Hey," she smiled nervously at him. They hadn’t spoken since Graduation and even then it had been a few polite words of congratulations and Tweek awkwardly complimenting Kyle’s Valedictorian speech.

“What brings you to Wallmart?” Kyle asked her and Tweek died a little inside at his horrific attempt at small talk.

What was the correct answer to that? Hookers? Bullets? The meaning of fucking life? What did he think she was doing at Wallmart? Why did anyone go to Wallmart?

Tweek laughed politely. She wanted to say something witty, something hilarious, something that wasn’t, “Just stocking up, you know?” But that’s what fell out of her mouth because…you know. It was her.

It could have been worse. He could have caught her on the tampon aisle… the ‘stocking up’ comment might not have gone down as well as the cereal-stocking up comment did. She should be grateful for that. But then again, why would Kyle be on the tampon aisle in the first place? Unless Esther had sent him. Tweek hoped the bitch had a heavy flow and a wide set vagina. She hoped that if Kyle had caught her on the tampon aisle that he would have sighed and said, “None of these are going to cut the mustard, Tweek…it’s like a wizard’s sleeve.”

Fuck, she could feel the hysterical laughter coming on.

Kyle nodded snapping her out of her daydream, “Rice Krispies, eh? What are you, five?”

Tweek made a ‘Heh’ sound. Not quite a laugh. Not quite asking him what the fuck they were doing. But you know, something in between.

She remembered a time when Kyle had been the easiest person to talk to. But that seemed like a lifetime ago.

“How about you then? Are you stocking up for college?” Tweek cringed as the words fell out of her mouth, why had she said ‘stocking up’ again!? She had never used that phrase in her fucking life!

She had tried (and failed) to take the reigns of the conversation, hoping to make it worthwhile for the both of them. She knew it would probably be a long time before they spoke again, if ever, and she didn’t want their last conversation to be about Rice Krispies and what reckless stunts you could pull at Wallmart.

“Yep,” Kyle replied, confirming that he was indeed stocking up. She had said stocking-up way too many times in her head for it mean anything anymore and all she could think of was stockings and Christmas, and Esther Stoley wearing Christmas stockings….maybe Kyle was into that? She could say she had a present for him…in her… _Oh god._

“When do you leave?” She blurted out, shaking the thoughts of Esther seducing Kyle in oversized festive stockings out of her head.

“Saturday.”

“Ahhhh.” She said nodding, like Gandalf the wise. “Awesome.”

Fuck.

Kyle threw her a puzzled look. Half offended, half amused. It wasn’t like she was glad he was going to college. It’s just, it was awkward and Tweek was squirming and when that happened things like ‘awesome’ and ‘stocking-up’ fell out of her mouth without her say so.

The conversation fizzled out and they stood around awkwardly not knowing how to continue. Why was it so hard?

“What about you? Have you changed your mind about college? Or are you still going to wrestling school?” Kyle managed to salvage the conversation, glossing over her ‘awesome’ comment.

_Thank fuck for that._

Tweek smiled and was happy to see that Kyle was smiling right back at her. He remembered her ridiculous dreams.

“Actually, I’ve decided to take a year out and um….well I auditioned for Disney.”

The look of surprise on Kyle’s face was a picture.

“ _You_ auditioned for Disney!?” He spluttered in disbelief.

Why was that the reaction she had received from everyone? She knew she was an introvert and everything but for fuck’s sake. Have a little faith.

Tweek nodded trying to hide her irritation at his surprise, “Yeah. I start as Rapunzel in September at Disneyland.”

“CALIFORNIA?!”

Tweek grinned, “Yeah.”

It had been a spur of the moment decision when she was trawling the internet for inspiration on what she could do. Mr Hammond’s offer of Indiana had been tempting but she wasn’t ready to start college yet, nor did she have the mental strength to work in one of her parent’s coffee shops. But she didn’t want to sit around either. She needed to keep herself busy. She thought about working abroad, like Australia or something but Craig had flat out refused to even let her humour the idea. However, he had humoured her when she stumbled across the Disney advert - he had even gone with her to Anaheim. It was about the only time they had left the house. Craig had surprised Tweek with how well he took to Disney. He had even worn the Mickey ears she bought him willingly and fixed his ‘First Visit’ button proudly to his shirt. It had, ironically, been a rather magical trip.

Disney had offered Tweek a character roll, pretty much on the spot. She had been certain she would have been offered Tinkerbell but was gobsmacked to find out that even she was too tall to play her. Tweek was  _too tall_. That was probably the first and last time she would ever hear those words. When she had told Craig, he had found it hysterical and had ripped her none stop ever since, telling her to watch her head whenever she would walk through doorways.

“That’s, that’s….great!” Kyle delivered hysterically, like he didn’t know the correct response to ‘I’m going to be Rapunzel at Disneyland’ was. Actually, that was probably the correct response, as everyone she had told had reacted in the same way. All but Kenny who had been devastated that he wouldn’t be able to call her Tink to her face when she was dressed as Tinkerbell.

_“Sorry, I’m two inches too big,” she had told him._

_“Aren’t we all?” He had winked, nudging Craig in the arm._

She smiled at Kyle and shrugged, “Yeah, it’s…well, it’s different.”

“Yeah….like pretty much the opposite to being a wrestler.”

Tweek laughed and for a brief period, it was like old times. Before sex and sex on legs, raven haired boys had got in the way of them.

Unfortunately, said sex on legs appeared right on cue to ruin the moment. Kyle spotted him first and Tweek craned her head to see what he was looking at.

Craig.

“Babe? Vegetarians can eat Twizzlers, right?” Craig called out to Tweek, his eyes firmly fixed on the packet he was currently scanning the ingredients of. He looked up expectantly at her and his face fell slightly when he clocked Kyle. It was a good job Craig wasn’t overly expressive with his emotions because Tweek was pretty sure that if he was, he would have had a face like a wet arsehole.

“Oh…hey,” he said awkwardly, his eyes returning to the packet of Twizzlers, as if he had missed out something important. “I’m…um…I’ll be…chips. We need chips,” he mumbled to Tweek, making an arrow with his finger in the direction where she’d be able to find him.

Tweek bit back a smirk at the action. It wasn’t like Craig to get flustered or to do something as embarrassing as a finger gesture. Kyle clearly put him on edge.

Tweek turned back to Kyle and shot him a sheepish smile. It had become awkward again. Terribly awkward. He knew it. She knew it. The elves on the box of her Rice Krispies knew it. The only thing that could have made the situation worse was if Craig had been carrying a box of condoms and had asked her if she had a fucking preference.

“So,” Kyle spoke first, in an effort to diffuse the tension.

“Yeah,” Tweek said.

Kyle nervously played with a box of lucky charms on the shelf and Tweek selfishly hated him for being able to eat them…wait…were they kosher? She hoped not.

“You guys staying together, then?” he asked as pleasant as possible but the strain in his voice was evident.

Tweek nodded slowly, “Yeah.”

Kyle smiled kindly although Tweek could tell there was sadness behind it. He may have given them his blessing but that didn’t make it any easier on him. He continued to fiddle with the cereal box to distract himself. Tweek watched him for a few moments. She wondered what would have happened if she had never got that detention, if she had never fought with Wendy. She could have easily been stood here with Kyle, helping him ‘stock-up’ for Harvard. Did everything really happen for a reason?

“Hey, listen,” she began, scanning her brain for something kind to say, “When I’m 33 with two kids and need a divorce because Craig has left me for a 24-year-old cheerleader, promise me you’ll be my lawyer?”

It was a tongue-in-cheek comment, aimed to put nothing but a smile on his face. Because she wanted him to know that he hadn’t lost. He wasn’t the loser in this scenario. Maybe it was her. Maybe she was the one who would lose out. She didn’t know why but she knew she would end up marrying Craig. There would be no drunken one night stands for her; she would never get to experiment with the same sex; never have a fling with an older married man that promised her he would leave his wife but never did. She was going to be with Craig, and unless they invited someone into their bed in an effort to spice up their sex life, that’s as far as she would ever come to experimenting. In fact, her only other experiment was stood right in front of her, and like Casablanca where ‘they’d always have Paris’, she’d always have Kyle.

Kyle smiled at her words and it was a genuine smile, not a forced, pleasant smile that made it look like he desperately needed a shit. He stopped fiddling with the Lucky Charms.

“Of course I will,” he said, although they both knew it was an empty promise.

 “Anyway, I better go and find my mom. She probably thinks I’ve been abducted,” Kyle joked and Tweek laughed politely. Internally, she was screaming. Kyle’s fucking mom was here. She really couldn’t cope with a run-in with Sheila. Fuck. What t-shirt was she even wearing?!

Tweek looked down and was instantly relieved when she remembered she was wearing an inoffensive skater dress.

“Have fun at Harvard,” she smiled.

“Thanks…have fun at Disneyland.”

“Oh, I will.”

Kyle gave her one last smile and raised his hand to wave before turning and walking away. Tweek was relieved to see that he hadn’t taken the Lucky Charms.

“Kyle, wait!” Tweek called out, jogging up to him.

Kyle stopped and turned around just in time as Tweek threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“I’ll miss you,” she said.

“I’ll miss you too,” Kyle uttered into her shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 

She found Craig on the chip aisle where he said he would be. He was clutching a bag of Doritos like his life depended on it but staring at some fancy sweet-chilli chips, as if he really couldn’t decide between the two. Their already full basket was at his feet, piled high with enough junk food to last them for their two-day trip.

When he didn’t look up at her, Tweek couldn’t resist scaring him and slapped her hands on either side of his arms.

“RAH!” She screamed and Craig dropped the bag of Doritos in shock.

“Tallulah!” He yelled, frowning at her and Tweek laughed like an idiot. He was usually so calm and put together and she reveled in breaking his cool demeanour. “You’re such a dick,” he laughed, shoving her playfully.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist….Are you ready?”

Craig bent down and snatched the Doritos, tossing them into the basket.

“Yeah. Are you okay?” He asked her lightly.

She was grateful that Craig had left her and Kyle to share one last moment. He could have easily been a dick about it and put his arm around her possessively or something but he hadn’t.

It had been weird seeing Kyle. She had been pretty sure the next time she saw him would be at Marj’s wedding or like their ten-year reunion or something. She had hoped by then enough time would have passed where they could start again. She didn’t like how they had left things at Graduation. She may have apologized at Prom but she finally felt like she had closure on the situation. And all it took was some Rice Krispies and Lucky Charms.

“Yeah.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I should be Thelma.” Craig said, as they were loading the car with the groceries.

Tallulah raised her eyebrows at him, “You watched the movie?” she said skeptically.

Craig nodded, shutting the trunk and heading to the driver’s side, “I did.”

“When!?” Tallulah demanded, throwing herself into the passenger seat. They had been practically inseparable all summer. When had he had the time to watch Thelma and Louise without her knowing?

Craig waved his hand at her dismissively, “It’s not important. What’s important is why do you get to be Thelma?”

Tallulah shot him a ‘what the fuck’ look as she was buckling her seatbelt.

“I’m always Thelma.” She stated as if it wasn’t up for discussion.

“It’s not fair. Thelma’s clearly the better one,” Craig pouted, hoping to change Tallulah’s mind.

“Stop your bitching. You are clearly Louise,” she said, biting back a smirk.

Craig sighed, “Fine. I’ll be Brad Pitt instead.”

“You can’t be Brad Pitt! It's called 'Thelma and Louise' not 'Thelma and fucking brad Pitt!' It’s Louise or nothing!” Tallulah protested.

They stared at each other defiantly, neither one wanting to back down. Tallulah crossed her arms stubbornly.

“Fine.” He huffed out, reaching behind him to grab something out of one of his bags. He pulled out a pair of girly sunglasses and a headscarf.

“You didn’t.” Tallulah grinned at him.

“Well if I have to be Louise, I might as well commit to it,” He said, throwing the scarf around his head and slipping on the shades. “How do I look?”

Tallulah bit her lip, trying to stop her grin from spreading across her face. “Perfect.”

Craig grinned back at her, “Okay. Let’s go.”

The first and only girl Craig Tucker fell in love with was a girl he met in his senior year at high school. He was 17, a fuck boy, and definitely not looking for love. But no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the girl out of his head even if he tried. If in ten years’ time, they were married with kids, he would have been delighted. He had never believed in love at first sight, nor did he think there was someone for everyone. Until her. She was a blonde girl with green eyes and a fondness for Harry Potter. She was five foot fuck all and looked like she would snap in two at the slighted gust of wind. To the outside world she would have been seen as average but to him she was everything. And her name was Tallulah Tweek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to: SmashedKittKate, Wondersofchocolates, Nanturo and Misotemyo for their amazing artwork of the fic. I am still gobsmacked that you created such amazing pieces.
> 
> If anyone is interested I am planning a sequel to this, that takes place twenty years into the future. Craig and Tallulah are married with two kids and I am planning on making it like the film The Notebook, flashing back to the big moments of their life so far. I will tell you more about it if you want to hit me up on Tumblr: Guestswithoutbags.
> 
> Thank you again for reading.
> 
> It's been emotional.


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